Corporate Survivor with Mei Phing : Career Growth In The Corporate World - Ep171: How to deal with toxic people problems at work. Group Mentoring Pt.2

Episode Date: March 24, 2023

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Welcome back to the Corporate Survivor Podcast, the best place for 9-5 professionals to learn how to grow their careers. We are in the second week where I'll be sharing with you the behind the scenes on what actually happens in the group mentoring calls that I host for my career course, The Corporate Survivor. So if you've missed the episode last week, we talked about step one, get clear on the corporate world. And I shared with you a student question and how I provide that additional in-depth guidance that I normally do not provide in any of my social media platforms and really helping students in my program to better navigate their workplace, particularly if they're starting a new job or experiencing some job changes. So if you haven't checked out last week's episode, make sure that you do that.

This week, we're going to talk about step two, and that's get confident with corporate skills. So step two is all about learning how to feel confident by actually developing the core corporate skills that you need to be successful at any job. Specifically, I teach the top 12 corporate skills and that can be broken down into four groups. So the first group is communication, the next one is relationship building, the third one is critical thinking, and the fourth one is productivity. So all these come together and built on step one about learning about the corporate culture and people will then further give you that clear understanding on how the company is supposed to work and then

how you can utilize your feelings of confidence at the same time your level of competence to be able to tackle any workplace challenges that you are facing. In this particular behind-the-scenes example, I demonstrate and I break down the problems that my student was experiencing so that you can also learn how to objectively identify true problems in your career and exactly how to resolve them. And as usual, if at the end of it, you feel like it is extremely beneficial and you want to learn how to do the same for your own career, you can always check out www.maypay.com. So without further ado, let's dive into the student's question and my guidance. Let's go. let's move on to the next section which is the

mentorship q and a okay so the next part of the question we're going to talk about phase two which is get confident with corporate skills so now here's a very interesting question actually so how many of you have ever encountered a difficult new manager so maybe you have been working in the company for some time and everything is well right right? I mean, you like the company a lot, but somehow you got, you know, bad luck, right? You got given a very annoying manager, like a very nasty new manager that is really, you feel that you cannot resonate with, is a person that you think maybe is quite rude. How many of you have encountered that? You can feel free to share in the chat box. Okay, so let's have a look at this student's situation. So I started a new job two months ago and discovered that our department

was formed not long ago. We have been operating without a manager. My new manager joined us three weeks ago and have been pressuring us with deadlines. In our recent team meeting, I found out she had made promises and I struggled to work with my new manager because she's authoritative, doesn't listen and lacks clarity. Not only that, I found out that she and her boss has been exchanging words about me and it wasn't positive. I genuinely want to build trust and positive relationship with my new manager. I wonder if we share our communication styles and preferences would make the relationship work.

Okay, now this is a pretty complicated situation. So if any of you have encountered a crazy manager, for lack of a better word, you can feel free to put it in the chat box and maybe a quick yes or no if you want to share. Now, let's start by actually dissecting some of the key points first and then I'll give you guys some suggestions on how to tackle such a situation. Now, the first thing is if you have been in a job, right, most of the time, like let's say, right, you have been in a job for two to three months, that pretty much means that you have, in a way, adapted to the role. So if you go through the

three-step framework taught in the Corporate Survivor, usually by the end of second month, you have a fairly clear idea of what you're supposed to do, right? Now, the challenge now here is that the new manager is kind of like a disruption. So it's like, you know, what you're supposed to do, right? Now, the challenge now here is that the new manager is kind of like a disruption. So it's like, you know, if you're a person who is like very organized and very structured, like we don't like someone when something changes in our perfectly planned work, right? So this actually happens to a lot of people who are very organized, where it's like, I have planned every single thing. And then this annoying person comes in and tells me, I'm not doing a good job,

tells me I need to change everything. And naturally, you will feel very annoyed, like 100%, very annoyed. And I've actually been in this situation before, which I'll tell you guys shortly, but I've been in a situation before where there was a new manager

I worked with and like, I think she is very ambitious, but not practical. So it sounds very similar to what these students are encountering. Now, what I will say is this, if you have been in a job for a while and your new manager comes in, the first thing you have to accept is that the new manager is going to have a different management style. And that means that the way that you're working, I'm not saying what you're working on, but the way that you're working may need to change. So it's more like, it's like

you need to embrace yourself like, okay, something is going to change, but I'm going saying what you're working on, but the way that you're working may need to change. So it's more like, it's like you need to embrace yourself like, okay, something is going to change, but I'm going to observe what is changing. This is a better mindset to don't, you know, to make sure you don't stress out so much versus thinking that, hey, I've already settled everything. How come this person is coming here

and trying to shift everything? Now, if you think like this, then you will be very pissed off all the time. So the better way, as I said, to think about it in the sense of like, okay, new manager, right? That means that changes are expected. Now, some of the unpleasant parts is obviously around a new manager pressuring the teams for deadlines and then also someone who's actually, you know, wants things to be done her way. Now, I think one thing you may also want to notice is managers have many kinds.

So the first thing you want to take note of is, is this manager someone who is very, very senior, meaning this person actually has a lot of experience and has been a manager for some time, or maybe has like very niche industry knowledge that they feel that they know a lot. And I've encountered a lot of people like that. I would say these people are very egoistic. So they come into a new organization, they kind of like want to bulldoze past everything else, but they don't take time to understand the culture.

So first thing is you want to identify if the new manager is like kind of like this type of person. So if you have identified a new manager who genuinely is rude, genuinely authoritative, I'm not saying some people are just scatterbrained. I've met new managers who actually they don't really meant to be rude, but they just scatterbrained.

They just want to try to do everything. But this kind kind of looks like the big ego kind because if this is true and validated and this student is saying that the manager is kind of like gossiping, then probably is the ego part. Now, I think the first advice is stay out of the way. Stay out of the way. Because there are some people who come in, they want to show that they are the person who is, it's like they

are the brightest star. So if they feel that you are pretty good at your job, sometimes they may not like that. So again, it kind of actually goes back to that particular person's personality. And I also want to make sure that you are actually spending enough time to observe the behavior and not let your emotions control you because when we don't like the person,

we tend to have a lot of negative words. You know, we call the person a lot of negative words. So first thing is to kind of like stay out of the way and as you continue to observe the habit now number two is this manager has also a boss right so if you look into um i think it's module two so if you look into module two i talk about people and personality types and that's your manager and then that's the big boss right your manager your boss and then the

big boss so based on what i'm seeing here if if, you know, the manager is gossiping, you know, exchanging words about big boss and wasn't positive. Okay. Now the first thing is that you really need to validate what exactly was being said and did you actually hear it yourself? Now, this is very, very important because there's a lot of like, you know, gossip and hearsay. And if you're already emotionally unstable, right? Because this person is very annoying. So you may tend to like take it more personally or you may see the problem. Like it's like a bigger problem than it actually is. So, oops.

So I think the first part, sorry. The first part is you want to also make sure that first, is it really gossiping? And also second thing is that you also want to remember, right? Now, you have been here two months. This person has only been here for three weeks. So that means that you may have a better trust factor

with the big boss, right? Her boss, which is the big boss. So I won't be too particularly concerned because the new manager needs to prove herself. But you have already been there and you may have like some face time already. So therefore, I would actually think about it more positively and try to think about

how can you also build a relationship with the big boss so that it's not like a one-way street. It's not like the big boss has to listen to everything to what your manager says, but you maybe can have a voice as well. So first thing is whatever that you have been doing in terms of structure and try to make changes, you maybe need to pause that first.

But what you can do is when your manager is pressuring you, right? Given that this person has no clarity, right? So the key word here is that doesn't listen, lacks clarity. So the best way to tackle people like that is to ask them open-ended questions. And you can find

the lesson on that in module 4.5. So asking what and why, not how. Now, very careful, don't ask how. Just ask what and why. So for example,

you say, okay, you need to do this report. I want it done as soon as possible. Can you do this right now? Then you may want to ask for the what and why. Oh, okay. So can I ask like, you know want to ask for the what and why. Oh, okay.

So can I ask like, you know, this section and that section, blah, blah, blah. So like, okay, actually who, you know, who are you going to send it to? Like, oh, did someone ask for it?

Blah, blah, blah. So the best way is to actually get some clarity. So she doesn't have clarity and therefore you don't have clarity. That doesn't sound like a winning strategy to me. So ask the what and why.

And also the next thing is that you have to accept that this person just may be different from you, stylistic standpoint. Sometimes I've seen some situations where they can actually reconcile. But at the beginning, when the new manager has, you know,

clearly an idea of what you want to do and whatever that you say, you're going to be the bad guy, then I will just stay out of the way and I will just ask open-ended question. Okay what do you want okay if you want it this way also i'm not so familiar with that so can you show me how to do it so like just ask like can you show me how to do it so at this point i want you to just pause your thoughts on what your own work performance because that that's long term the short term is that you're dealing with a pretty crazy person right now so ask the open-ended question try to get more clarity so if the person doesn't

know what she's talking about she may just walk away or she may end up saying like not to do it and so forth and asking this question is going to be very important in case now there are also other people in your company right there are also other people that you have been working with before this new manager comes in and you also want to make sure that you are also other people in your company, right? There are also other people that you have been working with before this new manager comes in. And you also want to make sure that you are also keeping your positive reputation with all these people. So therefore, you can go to module 5.1 and outline who are your stakeholder circle.

Meaning, aside from this manager, who else are you working with? And these are the people that you want to build a good relationship with because you can still build your reputation outside of this manager. You can still have a positive reputation while the new manager has a negative reputation. And I've also done that. So outline that. And when you ask the open-ended questions, it'll be helpful because when all these people start asking you, hey, how come your boss is so crazy? Then you can tell them to say, okay, based on what she said, she wanted this and this and this, but I'm still still trying to find out why.

So this is a way to like split your reputation from her bad reputation, if that makes sense. So it's a bit more of an advanced strategy, but I just want you to really pause your proactiveness because I don't think this kind of character may like too proactive people because they may feel that you are like trying to dictate what she wants to do.

And clearly she, you know, she wants to do her own thing, right? So probably I'll say you can take a pause maybe for a month and just ask her open-ended questions or whatever deadline that she wants you to do or any work that she wants you to do. You may take a pause

and maybe at least I would say two to four weeks and then see how it goes from there. Some people, after they have tried to control the new environment, control the new company, it normally takes them about a month to realize that, hey, things are not done this way. And they just stop or they just pause on their own.

So, this is something that time will settle this down. So, it might not be the brilliant answer that you're looking for, but that's actually the reality. Time,

that bit of time will probably calm it down. So on your end, you just need to make sure that you protect yourself and ask questions because someone else is probably going to

ask you questions. Make sure that you keep your own stakeholder circle active because your career is not 100% reliant on this new manager. Okay? Maybe share with me

some of your takeaways as well. Like what's the one big lesson that you have learned from today's mentoring call? So I'm seeing some private reflections from students saying that change is normal. Yes, change is normal. One thing to really remember is that at the end of the day, you can't change difficult situations. Whether it's like a difficult manager or it's a difficult company or maybe the company changed strategies.

Maybe the company got a new boss or it was going through restructuring. I think my approach has always been like, hey, I can't control the mess that's around me, but I can control myself, right? So if you look at the way that I tackle a lot of these students' questions, it's more like, okay, let's take a backseat

and just really challenge the assumptions that you have listed down meaning that if you if you think that's like that then the first thing is to really challenge whether whatever you think is it are you thinking the right thing is i guess what i'm saying like are you interpreting the situation in the right way because there may be another perspective that you're missing out on and this is something that you will you can gradually build so i would say that if you are less than maybe five years of experience you may not have enough exposure to uh corporate drama for lack of better word or rather the you know the corporate working environment and the kind of people that you deal with so i think if you have less than five years of work experience it's actually very normal so just take it as a learning time to deal with challenging people

challenging problems and just just challenge as a whole. I think a lot of people want to do work, right? Want to take action, but sometimes we don't spend enough time thinking about why are we taking that action? Why are we taking that action? So this is actually something that's probably expected at the management level or maybe at leadership level, but I think no matter where you are in your career, and maybe it's even more positive if you are even earlier in your career you actually are able you are able to develop this maturity and which you start thinking like a manager or start thinking about your you know at the director level because at the end of the day like the task that needs to

be done right it's it's efficiency like you're doing things fast but effectiveness is about doing things right so if you don't know what you're doing and why you're doing it, right? And you don't clarify. So you want to measure yourself like both in the efficiency, meaning be able to actually meet deadlines, right? But to also measure yourself in terms of effectiveness

because there's no point, right? Meeting deadlines, but you deliver a rubbish piece of work. And I can tell you that I used to, I used to lead a very big team and the people who really annoy me, the staff who really annoys me the most are the people who just rush, rush, rush,

rush, rush because they want to submit something to me. Now, the something is not appreciated because it tells me that you're not listening, you're not paying

attention and it's even more annoying because eventually you're actually going to affect the entire team's deadline, which is even worse, right?

If you could have got it done right the first time, it would have saved everyone a lot of trouble, okay?