Corporate Survivor with Mei Phing : Career Growth In The Corporate World - Ep20: Don't ASSUME. It's a bad habit.

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to the Corporate Survivor Podcast, where we talk about how to grow your career confidence, build your skills and value, increase your salary, and the many lessons we learn in the corporate world. For more career support, click on over to www.mayping.com. This is Mayping, your corporate leader turned career coach. I hope you enjoy, like and subscribe. In today's podcast, I want to talk about why you should not jump into conclusions. Hi, welcome to day two of my five-day, five-part Extroverts Connect series. Lovely having you here. So as an extrovert, you have this natural

Starting point is 00:00:47 tendency of jumping into conclusions. And why do I say that? Because you have a slightly shorter attention span compared to everyone else. As an extrovert, it's very natural for you to get stimulated by different discussions, different points discussed, different thoughts, different views, as well as different opinions. So you move very quickly and you get very stimulated by very, very interesting conversations. And I've seen this a lot in my highly extroverted friends, colleagues, team members, as well as very, very senior people in management and leadership positions in the corporate world. And similarly, in the business world as well. So jumping into conclusions is a habit.

Starting point is 00:01:57 So what's good about knowing that it's a habit is that you can always choose to change the habit. It just takes time and practice, but it pays massive rewards down the road. Why you should not jump into conclusions? Think about the last few times you had a misunderstanding or argument with someone else. Be it your spouse, your partner, your friend, maybe a peer, team member, a boss, a manager, a vendor, or a client. What do you think caused that? Yes, likely it was communication in most instances.

Starting point is 00:02:39 But specifically, which part of communication did you think went wrong? Was it you interrupting? And if you did interrupt, what did you interrupt about? Was it you oversharing your opinion? Was it you disrupting and cutting the person off and giving your own advice or did you make an assumption or a conclusion based on whatever the person is saying without clarifying so assumption is definitely the killer of a lot of relationships. And I frequently talk about getting along with people and creating win-win relationships in my top 10 soft skills series. So if you haven't checked that out, yeah, do check that out after this podcast.

Starting point is 00:03:38 The thing about extroverts is that you guys are highly enthusiastic. And that's great. I think being very enthusiastic and very interested in a conversation allows you to build a bond with a person. But you of course want to be careful because over-enthusiasm also has its drawbacks. So I'm a huge believer that your strengths on the flip side can also be your weakness. So it takes some self-awareness to recognize that, but once you do, I think it completely changes your world. So being sometimes very enthusiastic in a conversation makes you in a way less attentive on what's being said because in your mind, you could be focused on what you want to reply instead.

Starting point is 00:04:31 So you're not listening to understand, but rather listening to respond. The difference is somewhat subtle, but does change the dynamic of the conversation as well as the connection that you have with the other person. And it might also impact the kind of relationship you would like to have in terms of whether it's a long-term, deep, authentic, genuine relationship, which a lot of extroverts find it quite challenging to build. So I'll share one example with you and if you've been following me for some time, I'm sure you have heard of this example. I was speaking with a potential collaborator some time back and she definitely is a highly extroverted person.

Starting point is 00:05:20 So when we first got into a call, she was very enthusiastic, very bubbly. So, you know, very keen to connect and chat. And I thought that was great. So we started talking about, so she asked me a few questions about myself. And I shared a bit of my background, the fact that I'm an accountant and, you know, how I've transitioned from audit to compliance to banking and whatnot. The thing is that after every single sentence I shared, she jumped in and then started making comments such as,

Starting point is 00:05:58 oh, okay, so you mean this? I'm like, no, I don't mean that. Oh, okay, that means that you mean this? No, I don't mean that. Oh, okay, that means that you mean this. No, I don't mean that either. And some other things that she said, oh, you know, I just want to get some clarity, blah, blah, blah, which is great. I think getting clarity is great, right?

Starting point is 00:06:16 But if you don't allow that other person to share, then like how much clarity are you hoping to get? And also jumping into conclusions by saying things like, oh, okay, so you mean you're going to do this? And, oh, okay, does that mean that, you know, you were doing da-da-da? So it's not cool to summarize other people's life or professional experience, especially when you have not really taken the time to listen and understand. So that's something that happens sometimes by default. And I'm not saying that it doesn't

Starting point is 00:06:50 happen to introverts as well. But what I'm just saying is that it happens more frequently with extroverts because of the enthusiastic nature of you guys wanting to share and wanting to engage and wanting to speak, so sometimes the faster the conversation goes doesn't necessarily mean that it will achieve a better outcome so i'm also a huge believer like i always say go slow to go faster just because you can rush through a conversation in 10 minutes but it doesn't give you any impact like a 30 minute or you know 25 minute conversation would then what is the point what what is the point if you didn't actually achieve um what you want to get out of the conversation whether it's a win-win collaboration

Starting point is 00:07:40 or really getting some insights and knowledge that you were looking for that is just coffee chat it just means nothing it's just a bit of a woo-woo and then you feel good because you got to speak right because speaking makes you guys as actual with you really highly charged and like your battery gets charged and you get very excited but always ask yourself like what are you trying to get to and more importantly how are you coming across to the other person? Because you don't want to end up pissing the other person off, but the worst thing is that you don't even know you have done that. And I've seen that a lot, a lot.

Starting point is 00:08:17 And this ultimately all comes down to self-awareness, right? Having the self-awareness to understand your communication style as well as how you come across to other people and how you're expressing yourself. And always take the time to pause and check in with the other person to make sure they're actually still there

Starting point is 00:08:37 in the conversation. Not because you've jumped to some sort of conclusion and then you end up talking non-stop and you don't even realize what's going on eventually. So you're actually shutting yourself out from that conversation. Making assumptions. So this is one other question that I always like to say as well,

Starting point is 00:08:57 which is if you want a direct answer, you should ask a direct question. Especially when I'm currently based in Asia, and in the Asian culture, there is this whole circular conversation going around. So sometimes people talk at the deeper layer, and they don't always say what they mean, or it doesn't come across upfront so directly. So you need to ask a more direct question if you want a direct answer. And don't assume. That's the killer in really a lot of conversations.

Starting point is 00:09:28 And not just that, it does impact your professional or business relationship. Because different people go into a different conversation. They don't clarify, they don't confirm. They walk away assuming. So we all have different backgrounds, different experiences, different point of view. And what happens is every single person walk out from a meeting with a completely different assumption of the work that needs to be done or the project that needs to be delivered. So what do you think will happen when you regroup in two, three weeks' time?

Starting point is 00:10:04 Probably hell. So I'm just sharing some of these examples and stories with you because I think as an extrovert, it's really important to recognize that you have this natural tendency of jumping into conclusions just because you want to move the conversation forward. So first step is, of course, self-awareness realization. And second step, that you can catch yourself doing all these things, that's where you can pause and then practice

Starting point is 00:10:35 to make sure that it doesn't happen again. So first step, like I said, always start with self-awareness. So thanks for joining me today. And do join me for the rest of the days of my Extrovert Connect series. Till then, bye!

Corporate Survivor with Mei Phing : Career Growth In The Corporate World - Ep20: Don't ASSUME. It's a bad habit.

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