Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 09 Exes

Episode Date: February 19, 2020

Today in episode 9 of Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew, we sit down to talk about the exes in our life and how they’ve shaped us into the people we are today. This was a tricky one, we aren’t gonna lie. Sitting down and talking about previous failed relationships is never easy, but as you’ll hear, we both think it’s important to revisit these moments instead of erasing them. And in the end, we’re incredibly thankful for the lessons we learned prior to meeting each other. We encourage you to listen closely on this one. Let us know what you think.  And of course, a huge thanks to Lauren for submitting the topic!  If you haven't yet, please rate and subscribe to the show to hear more! And if you have suggestions/recommendations for the show, send us your ideas in a video format - we might just choose yours! Email us at [e-mail].  We are supported by the following AMAZING companies! Make sure to check them out using our special code & link below!   ButcherBox! For $20 off your first box and 2 filet mignon, plus 1 pack of bacon by going to ButcherBox.com/COUPLE OR enter promo code COUPLE at checkout.  ThirdLove! THIRDLOVE.com/COUPLE for 15% off today!  Daily Harvest! Go to DAILYHARVEST.com and enter promo code EASTFAM to get twenty-five dollars off your first box! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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oh man you used to die my girlfriend like that i'm trying to i'm trying to think about the difference between like my exes and you don't get jealous this is okay drama for oh my gosh wow What's up everybody? Welcome back to Couple Things with Sean and Andrew. A podcast all about couples and the things they go through. That's right. All Things Relationships, baby. Today's episode, I cut you off, is a fun one because it was given to us by a follower.

She actually submitted a video to show you what we're going to talk about today. Hi. Hi, I'm Lauren. I'm 25 years old. And I have been married to my wonderful husband for a year and a half now. Before I met him, I had been in this long-term relationship that was very unhealthy. But I definitely wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for that relationship. Sean had brought up her ex in a previous episode.

So my topic would be exes and what we can learn from previous relationships. Thanks, East fam. God bless. Lauren, thank you for the submission. I'm excited to talk about this. Me too. Are we sure, though? Yeah. No jealousy, no resentment, no, like.

Can we just say that the next 45 minutes is fair game and honest? Okay. We are pumped. Today is the first solo episode we've done in a while. It is, and it's an interesting topic. Yeah, we thought we'd just come out the gates swinging. We're talking about X's today. No, I'm really excited because I feel like we discussed this issue differently than a lot of other people.

Yeah. So I want to start out, sorry to interrupt, I want to start out because, this is actually something that we decided very early on in our relationship, which was we wanted to talk about exes with each other. Yeah. A lot of people don't agree with that. And I think that's totally fine. You can have a differing opinion on it.

But for us, it was always exes have made you who you are. I don't think there are people or relationships you should forget. I don't think there are memories you should erase. I think they help form who you are. are good and bad and it's important for your significant other in our opinion to know everything that makes you who you are i think there's so many people who go through a relationship and they break up and it's bitter and it's hard and it hurts and they're like i just need to move on and never you know remember this i'm like you loved that person remember it it's a beautiful thing it's not a bad thing

that it ends it's just you're moving on to the next better thing yeah i think in general i'm a big fan of going through the real emotions that you have but then always having an optimistic perspective about it so people that are like bitter towards axes unless there's something really bad to happen that's a whole caveat to all this like if something absolutely bad happened that's a whole different story but like hey if if your boyfriend broke up with you because he you know it wasn't you it was him and he didn't give a solid reason like don't really be bitter towards that well and i think the sorry i feel like i'm interrupting you did but it's okay no it's all right go for i feel like girls for the most part and guys do this thing where it's like

you break up with someone or they break up with you and i need to go on instagram and delete every single picture i ever took of him right i think that's terrible you don't that though didn't you no i didn't You didn't? No, if you scroll back far enough, you can find my ex-boyfriend. I Google Sean Johnson boyfriend. Also, by the way, we had this discussion if our exes are listening to this. Yeah. Just know that Sean and I collectively thank you for making us who we are.

Partially, partially. If it weren't for you, we wouldn't have met each other. That's right. That's a good way to look at it. But I'm back to what I said. You don't need to go on every platform and you don't need to just arrange. your exes from your life. I mean, no, they probably shouldn't be in contact with you.

I mean, it depends on the situation, I guess, whatever. But you don't have to erase the memories. Right. Because you don't erase your past moving forward. Your past makes you who you are. Well said, babe. Again, I'm a fan of experiencing the emotions. So there's going to be sadness and grief and probably frustration and anger.

But don't, I think being dramatic with those emotions and letting them just run wild is not great. So always having the perspective of like gratitude is generally how I like to operate. And when a relationship does end, when someone does become an ex, I think it's super important to have a really solid group of people around you, one, to help you cope with those emotions that you're experiencing. But also, they need to be a solid group of friends because you don't want someone dramatizing the situation. Dramatizing. Don't mess with me. Dramatizing.

I don't think it's dramatizing. Can we get a fact check? We don't know. Nobody knows. You don't want someone making more of the situation. Freaking Sean, now I can't even think. You don't want someone making it more dramaful than it needs to be.

Dramaful. Oh my gosh. Wow. Dramatized. Thank you. Chalk one up as a dub for Andrew. Wow. Okay.

Wait. So I have a question. Wait. I'm not done with my soul. With your dramaful? Yes. You said drama full. I did.

You're just trying to make me forget all of my really profound thoughts that I had. You don't want a group of friends around you that like infuse bitterness and drama into the situation. Correct. You know what I'm saying? So also don't be a friend that does that when someone else has a relationship end. Okay. But we also have had friends like you said who a relationship ends and they get, bitter about it they try to act like it never happened they delete all the social media and then going

into their next relationship those emotions they harbor them yeah they haven't really left and so because they feel upset about how the last relationship went they don't share with their new significant other about that last relationship which i think is a tragedy travesty oh my wow All, everybody freaking laugh. If you're listening, I need you to pull out a pen. That's a word. If you're listening, I need you to pull out a pen and paper and write down all of Andrew's new words. I'm getting it you in here.

I'm sorry. Dramaful. I said dramatize, which is correct. But then you also said drama full. Wait, I have a question. I have questions for you. I came prepared. Okay.

Hit me. Have you been in love before me? Whoa, I don't think I've ever thought about this question. Have you told the girl you loved her? I have done that. Okay. Have you? Yes.

I wonder if you Googled Andrew East X girlfriend. What would pop up? Should we do it? Yeah, do it. Do it live. I'm nervous. Why? Because who knows?

What if something crazy pops up? You about to do it? Yeah, I'm already, I'm already there. Honestly, if you Google, I think Sean Johnson, husband, not a picture of me, shows up. that's not true that is not true that's how insignificant um i don't think anything about your ex-girlfriends what's on it's on here nothing um wow this is this is happening live so if something dark and deep happens what dark and deep thing could happen andrew i don't know i sleepwalk and talk

sometimes so who knows i'm not finding anything okay that's that's that's positive. So that's what's unique about your situation is that if you Google Sean Johnson. Yeah. That pops up. I think you told this you told you told you have told someone you loved them before. I have. How was it getting out of a relationship with someone you loved? Are you trying to deflect this back to me? No, this is a question for both of us. Um, okay. Because like compare that to breaking up with someone you're dating. You really haven't gotten there with like you're like you like each other but you never said i love you what is the difference how did it feel breaking up with that type of person versus someone you loved

can i just we can maybe just discuss each other's exes that's how i'll address this issue so my last relationship was really good i would say okay there's a good relationship i'm they made me a better person okay okay they've they helped me discover who I was as a man don't get jealous don't get jealous this is okay okay this is what we're talking I know keep going the reason the relationship ended I married you is because I'm making myself feel better do we need to shut this down we can shut this down no because I'm fine then I'm going to have to talk about my ex keep going because you're you own my heart baby I own your heart that sounds weird to say honestly I've never yeah anyway the reason the relationship ended is because

what she envisioned life looking like and what I envisioned life looking like was different there was no explosive argument there was no like cheating there was nothing dramatic that happened it was like traumaful it was like she honestly wanted to like be a missionary and live in africa full time and i beautiful thing it is that's what i'm saying yeah and i'm more envisioned like hey i want to live close to my parents and my brothers and raise a family in not the exact same situation that I was raised in, but probably similar, right? Which probably is a fault of mine, but again. Not at all, because that's who you are.

But that's the thing is like, yeah, both of those visions are beautiful. You could argue they just didn't mesh. And so when I realized that, it was like, okay, this isn't, this isn't worthwhile to continue. I felt like I was trying to fit my life into her vision. I hope you didn't use those words. What? Wasn't worthwhile to continue. Boys, if you're listening, men.

Did I just say that? You did. Here's what's hard about podcasting. Let's not use those words. It's okay. You have to talk a lot when you podcast. You do? And then you're going to say some bad things.

Yeah. So I don't. It's just a lesson to learn. Let's not break up with someone you love by saying this just isn't worthwhile to continue. That's not what I said. do you want me to recite what I said no please don't I don't remember so I couldn't anyway but um I felt like I was trying to for a long period of time fit my life into what her vision was so like you know kind of forcing an issue and trying to be a man that that she wanted me to be and then I realized

that's not good for me I got to be my own guy my own man And this relationship needs it in. It's not worthwhile anymore. I think that's beautiful, guys. I'm kidding. That's how mine ended. I feel like it's really similar with my ex. I feel like we were probably a little bit more emotional going into it.

So we had some of those arguments and like we were kind of like fire and water. Oil and water. Oil and water? Yeah. We're like oil and water. We didn't mix very well. But. Fire just doesn't.

It's not something. Water puts fire. out yeah yeah it's kind of like just for future as you're thinking through that um so we were a little bit like oil and water it was really good but towards the end the more like i looked at our relationship and reflected on it i felt like i was changing who i was i was changing my dreams what i wanted to do in life for him which i was doing out of love but at the end of the day I was like I don't feel like it should be like this I definitely believe you have to make sacrifices within a relationship but I just didn't feel like

myself I felt like I was sacrificing too much and yeah so it just didn't work I do feel like and we've talked about this which is going to be like he's heard this before guys we've both said we felt like we could have married our exes but I don't think it would have given What? But I don't think it would have been the life that I had dreamt of. I think I would have sacrificed a lot and not been able to be me. It's interesting. That's not.

Well, okay. I feel like people say timing matters in relationships because when you're young, it's so easy to try to morph yourself into the. the other person's vision. I just feel like you don't know enough about yourself or what you're good at or what your passions are to have that for yourself. So you just kind of morph into someone else's. So I think as you get older,

you understand more like what means a lot to you and where you want to go in life. And that's why I felt like when you and I met, we not only had a better idea of what our passions were, but also we had been through several iterations of relationships where several what what you get through several iterations how many exes do you consider you have what do you consider like how many times you have to go on a date to consider someone an ex dating for three months or more three months or more uh two or three or three or three too or three too yeah in all of those though I did that I did the thing where I was trying to be who they wanted

me to be. But when we met, we both decided like, hey, you know what? I've done this enough times to not care who they think I am. I'm going to be who I am. I'm going to laugh at things that I think are funny. I'm going to be mad at things that I think are unjust. I'm going to voice opinions. Yes. And I'm not going to be afraid if you don't agree with it. I'm not going to talk when I don't want to talk, which is a big thing for us. I feel like we had a lot of in our early days, there was a lot of silence because I was like intentionally like I feel like she needs me to say something but I'm not going to because I don't want to and I thought it was beautiful because it was so comforting it was just like he feels comfortable with me for all those reasons I think that's why when we met the timing was so perfect

because we had experienced enough of those frustrating relationships where we were trying to be something we weren't and we realized like the only way that we were going to be as individuals happy in a relationship is if we decided we were going to plan our flag with who we were comfortable being. Does that make sense? No, yeah. And I feel like there's a really fine line because in my head I'm trying to like sort through this. I want to do an entire podcast episode about finding the one. I did too. Yeah. I think a lot of people do too. Also, did you know we've been getting feedback. Some people prefer when it's just you and me doing the podcast. Really? I love our guests though. I know. It's fun. Sorry guys. We're going to continue the guests. Yeah.

but we'll continue doing one this too yeah but i want to do an episode on the one because i have very strong opinions of it but going back to the ex i was saying that i was sacrificing a lot of who i was to be with him i don't disagree that you have to make sacrifices i think everyone has this list this checkoff list of what their person or what the one has to have and it's a laundry list of things for women it's usually tall dark and handsome they have to be funny they have to be smart they have to do all this to be honest the freaking tall part of that it's so dumb to me i think honestly i we've had this conversation before i think the reason is because that's how it's depicted in fairy tales from the time you're a little girl get it out of your brain

that it just paints that picture there are girls that i know well in my life who have had an awesome option for a spouse, potential spouse. But they weren't tall enough. Yeah. And I'm like, that's idiotic anyway. Excuse me. You were concerned that I was too short. You're short though.

You're really sure. And you're really tall. So, okay, hypocrite. Okay, move on. What were you saying? Okay. Anyways, I feel like people have this laundry list of things that they need to check off and if this person that they're dating you know whoever it is that's

a viable person for the one if they don't check off all of those you know items then you're so quick to be like oh they must not be my person i think you have to make sacrifices i don't think there's anyone out there that checks off every single box but at the end of the day the boxes that you don't check off you need to just make sure it's not jeopardizing who you are at your core well so how do you draw the line between someone who should be an ex and someone who's not an ex you know what I'm saying you're you're turning this episode into finding the one and not about exes Sean I'm sorry I'm confused just rain it in a little bit I'm trying to I'm trying to think about the difference between like my exes and you and

how I'm taller and I'm more handsomer then I'm stronger and you're smarter and I'm funnier yes wow that took you a long time to agree with all those things anyways I think the biggest difference is the sacrifices I made for you didn't change who I was like oh we could move to this state or we can move to the city or okay we can listen to this type of music every once in while in my type of music every once in I don't know I'm trying to give examples for you no it's not but like I remember back in relationships feeling like I couldn't share with my exes that I truly loved country music I feel like I had to change what I listened to in order for them to like me I saw that what that was weird um does that make sense yeah you're leaving me hang in no 100%

I get it. I, um, I get it. It's, I was afraid to truly show the conjuring last rights on September 5th. I come down here I need you. Array! Array! Array! Array! Array! Array!

the conjuring last rites only in theater september 5th who i was for everything that i was because the little the bug part that's why it's sean's nickname i call her bug because every once in a while she just has these like outbert the cutest thing you've ever seen you're like like it happened today on the stairs when you went you know what i'm talking about yeah yeah don't hide that that's the best part I like have this impulse everyone so I was like so just freak out Sean and I live eat and breathe this stuff we like do we try to like research like okay what what can we say in this episode about X's that will really inspire people to like make good choices when you stop playing with a microphone what no it's how I my nervous twitch so we have pulled

together some lessons about X relationships things that you can learn okay And we can just kind of alternate, if you will, I'll start. So just like I said, based off my experience, there's not always like some dramatic, bad reason that a relationship ends. My girlfriend that I had in high school was great. She was fantastic. Again, I've never had a bad toxic relationship, if I'm being honest. But that one ended.

Nash is, uh, speaking of good relationship. of snashes at the top of the list there. Are you just, you're not going to help me out there? No, I think you should go back to your lesson. My girlfriend in high school, we broke up because I went to college and she was still in Indiana. I was in Tennessee. And so sometimes it's a geographical distance that ends a relationship.

Again, not a bad thing. Sometimes it's just different visions for life. Sometimes it's like different values. We have, we have a friend who love. this this one guy but they have different religions and so that's tough right so those are all examples of of good reasons that a relationship can end that aren't like cheating or like abuse or or something terrible traumatic happening right I yeah so just and that's my first lesson is just realize that but I would I would kind of not argue against it okay I

I think audio can probably hear you breathing into my microphone. Nash, you're a good boy. He wants to weigh in on his ex-girlfriends. Do you have many of them, Nash? Paisley. Wow, he has a girlfriend. Or is it still a girlfriend? Yeah.

Anyways, I would kind of challenge that a little bit because I agree. There doesn't need to be some monumental issue or thing that happens for you to break up with someone, but I also think everyone can have a different reason. I don't think there's like a right or wrong way. No, 100%. A reason to break up. Some people, I feel like, don't realize that some relationships just end and that's okay. I just, I think, yeah.

Okay. We'll go on to the second. Fine, fine. The second, it brings me my second reason. Some relationships just in because, uh, because some people don't feel confident in who they are in their uniqueness, you know, whether that's your freckles or, your little bug moments or the fact that you like country music i feel like you have to feel confident in what makes you unique or you have to find someone who helps you make you make you feel confident

yes i feel like that comes down to if you don't yes you can be insecure and you can have like your your issues that you're working on i feel like everyone has them but if you don't find someone who helps you with them if you find someone who picks at them and makes them worse then that's not a good relationship

yeah we want to foster self-confidence not like I've been in a relationship before where my the ex-boyfriend like picked at all of my insecurities really and it just that's just not how you do it

I'm sorry babe it's okay baby you don't do that Well, I'm sure I probably do sometimes. I, okay, actually, I remember this early, early on in our relationship. Okay. I remember, and I've been very vocal about this publicly, but like eating disorders. I've had them before. I've had them within gymnastics in my career.

And I used to have such an insecurity and an obsession with food and nutrition and dieting and working out. And there were a couple times where I would get so worked up. over something whether it was what I was wearing or looking in a mirror or whatever and there would be a comment of that you would say like babe it's not a big deal and I remember you weren't that wasn't how the ex-boyfriend used to pick at things but I would be bothered by it and I would actually bring it up to you I'd say you know what because of my past because of you know the eating disorders and everything I would love if you could support me by saying X, Y, and Z.

And I do feel like there are relationships where that significant other wouldn't respect that or wouldn't understand it or try to understand it, but you did, which was a beautiful thing. To your credit for communicating that, though, you know? Yeah. So I can help you through it. Yeah, you did always just to say like, hey, that doesn't really help me out when you say that. So don't say that. So, yeah.

What's the third one? um giving space for self development i'm big on this you don't like this one as much i believe that you and i need to be individuals yeah and have our own time yeah but that's also a preference of us different relationships see things differently no and this is i think we talk about text messages but if you're freaking just texting and talking all day long that sucks in my opinion sorry no this is completely my opinion that's freaking sucks okay you know what I'm saying different though some people appreciate that we have we feel the closest connected when we have deep conversations about like oh hey babe I experienced this today yeah and you

might probably weren't a part of it what do you think of it and then we have this philosophical discussion and it's great but it's because we're a part pursuing our own hobbies or different interest. I love to read. You like more to watch movies. That's great. I can tell you about my book and you tell me about my movie. If not, we're both watching the same movie and then we just go to bed. I am curious. Does that make sense? It does make sense. I'm about the freaking go off right now. If you don't get your alone time, you're weird. Babe is much about exes. Yeah. Um, I am curious. So we both said we consider ourselves to have three exes. Yeah. can you tell me one to three things that made those relationships not work each one distance

religion and each one so I'm saying okay so this is the first one yeah okay distance religion and I would say we have we had slightly differing values about like how we would want to raise a family okay second one would be that plane to religion yeah yeah it's a big religion's a big one that affects a lot of the other ones second one is uh i would say distance was a part of that relationship the most recent one in college they took a uh semester abroad and then came back and it was like we were just kind of different um vision or what we want our life to look like and i would say like family differences if that makes sense so not not like what our vision for the family was but being accepted by the extended family me being accepted by hers and her being accepted by

mine not that it was bad but it was just like didn't fully click you know see that's interesting Because I've been in a relationship before where I had felt like I had gotten to the point in the relationship where I knew it wasn't going to work. And I knew it wasn't going to be forever. But it was the family that kept me in it longer. Isn't there a movie about that? No, there's a new girl episode about that. There's a new girl episode.

Oh my gosh. I love that episode. I just like everyone has this dream of having, you know, of clicking so well with their potential. In-laws. Yeah, their in-laws. And this family had become my family. And I remember just the thought of like,

I tried to make the relationship work longer than it could because of that. That's a good thing. It's a beautiful thing. And I think it probably means that the ex will mature into a really good man because he has a good support group around him. Oh, absolutely. And I don't think he, was not a good man i just don't think sorry ex sorry sean's ex i don't think he was a bad man i think

we didn't we weren't meant to be forever yeah and i think we both learned that are you going to give me your three reasons now well you had one more you had one more person you said first and second i don't know who the third one was i was maybe just trying to make myself sound cool i was actually kind of curious who the third one was because i was like i didn't date that many people i really For three months or more. One of mine was high school and we didn't work out because of probably lifestyle back then. Yeah, from what I've heard. Yeah, I was in the Olympics at the time.

That's an unfair standard to judge it is. It is. Our lifestyles just didn't mesh because he was, you know, in high school, a senior. And he wasn't in the Olympics? What a slot. No, I didn't mean it that way. Oh my gosh. I just mean he was like your normal everyday high school senior, which was awesome.

Nothing wrong with that. That was me too. Just so we're clear. No, I'm not saying anything is wrong with that. But I was literally traveling the world representing the country and I couldn't have a relationship back in school. So we dated for a while, but it's like, see, I got to go to China. I don't know when I'll see you again.

Probably is not going to work. So, that was the first one. Second one, what? Nothing. You're funny. See, I've got to go China. Second one was probably distance and time. There just wasn't enough time that we can devote to the relationship

and we were both traveling around the world. Thank goodness for that. Or else we would be sitting here, huh? The second relationship? Oh, you have a third? Oh, I do have a third. Oh, freak. I'm sorry.

Dang, okay, go ahead. I'm sorry. But, God. And the third one was, who the heck was your, we'll talk about it after. The one who introduced us.

Wow. Yeah. What? Go ahead. You like him. I'm fine with it. He introduced us. Wow.

You're going to bring him into this, you friggin. I'm kidding. He literally set us up. Actually, that relationship, we very quickly realized we were meant to be friends. So this is, just so we're clear, this is people who've dated for longer in three months, which, first of all, you've never said that you dated that guy ever, period. You always deny that you dated him. I know, but wait, actually, this isn't interesting.

I wish we could put names. Maybe we should just put Bob. John. Steve. George. So Bob. I've always said that I didn't like date him because it was such a weird relationship because we met on such a mutual ground that was so extreme.

We met at the Olympics. I'm sure everyone can figure out who this is. Mutual ground? I tried to. What the heck? How are we talking about? Mutual ground. Neutral territory.

Yeah. We met at the Olympics. we were both Olympians and that's such an extreme situation it's almost like when people go through traumatic experiences together they bond more well when you go through the Olympics together you bond more and we kind of hit it off but not really we never saw each other we only talked on the phone really and so you could kind of say we dated for like three months but we talked on the phone for three months we saw each other maybe three times and it was one of those relationships where we liked each other a lot but we figured out that that that I don't know um affinity for each other

was as friends and we were so much more comfortable being friends than we were being anything past that see that's that's another thing like no no reason to be bitter about that relationship I'm not bitter about it at all i think you're bitter about it and then the third one um we didn't work just because i think we had different visions for our future that just didn't didn't mesh yeah it's interesting you talk about your third one in a different way than you did the other two you can and i'm okay with this but you can always try you can always tell where someone's scars are I feel like, by the way, they're talking about something. Not scars.

Where people's emotions are. Good and bad. Well, we've talked about that. Yeah. Your second X, my third X, we devoted the most time and hurt to. Yeah. They were the most like intense relationship.

So they're naturally going to have bigger scars. Not scar. Yeah, again, there's good and bad. But I don't think it has to be a bad scar. I don't think Xs have to be a bad scar. I think when you invest your heart into someone and they become an X, you're naturally going to have,

we can call it a scar on your heart forever. Did anybody else notice how you talked about it? I respect it. I'm just letting you know. That's a thing. We have a lot more of the list to get through. I think we can get rid of that list. No.

It needs to be like X specific. I'm giving people a list of how. Okay, you give your list, Andrew. Of what you can learn. From X's. Communicating emotions is really important. That's what you and I, I feel like, have done decently well. And I'm thankful for that.

That's number four. Number five, this is mine. Texting, texting can be a nightmare. That's what I put on. But see, this is, that is not everyone's reason that they should become an X. If someone texts you too much, don't break up with them. That's not a good reason. Okay, let me rephrase this.

No, this is lessons. that you learn from exes just learn what ways of communication work for you thank you that's a general you should you should reword these and say something i learned from my conversation or from my relationship that's how i feel okay okay it's number six disagreements are okay absolutely disagreements are amazing yeah i think disagreements show the other person that you have passionate opinions which is a beautiful thing yeah i think that's the best i think that's like that is that almost is what a relationship is is like disagreements like you have two human beings there's going to be difference his opinion can be honest some people have we'll do this in the

finding the one episode i was in a cab in new york no offense if this is how you pick your spouse but he said he found the girl he was going to marry within like two weeks of of knowing her i was like oh man how do you know that quick he was like well we're both the same um zodiac symbol what is that sodiac sign i don't even know what they are is that what it is yeah i was like oh that's tough but maybe not but maybe that's where he sets his standard this is me sharing my opinions this is podcast i have an interesting anecdote we're doing it live ready i'm trying my hardest to get rid of this list because i don't think it's beneficial to this podcast I do go ahead um I saw on Ellen once Jessica Alba I think it was Jessica Alba

might have been Jessica I don't know it was some celebrity it might have been Jessica um I remember Ellen I think they had just gotten married or they were in a relationship or something and Ellen on with the story holy smokes jeez I think Ellen asked her what's one piece of advice you wish you could have given to yourself as a young girl and she said that you don't have to marry the first person you fall in love with and I think sometimes for women it's a little bit different or it might be different there's this weird feeling that you get where when you fall in love with someone and you give them your heart for the first time you have you almost feel like a moral obligation to stay in that relationship yeah you felt that a lot I did I felt a lot of pressure to

make it work because yeah I felt like I had given so much myself that I must just stay with this person and I think falling in love and going through relationships with people teaches you so much about what you want in that person

you end up spending the rest of your life with good, bad or ugly I think I think it's important that's really good we can make that number eight on my list okay that work for you yes um this was from personal experience like i said extended family and how you mesh with them and how your family meshes with your sigo if you will matters a ton to us you put that caveat after every single word we say but yes well i think it's important to remind people that every relationship is different

I know fine fine and then again would you say our in-laws mesh pretty well what would you say our in-laws mesh pretty well yeah dude yeah we were just hanging out having dinner all together I know it was amazing freaking whooping the girl the boys were whooping the girls in in games code names baby but then the last one that I'll say is differing values and that applies to children these are the big categories children money and religion. You know what we didn't talk about enough in retrospect was our values in raising children. I agree. That hit us like a freight train when Drew came along.

Yeah. That's just hard though because not many people when they're dating want to talk about kids. Right. It's like so far in the future. It's always this like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't talk about that. No, absolutely talk about it. Absolutely talk about it.

Okay. I think there's a right time and place to have conversation. What if I would have brought up talking about kids and how to raise them on our first date? I'd have said, nice knowing. Can you sell? See ya, probably. I think I would have been a little bit intimidated. It's a lot.

It's a heavy, heavy topic because kids are so, it's such a big thing. But it's so important and everybody is so afraid that it is such this big thing that they can't talk about it. Yeah. Coming from two people who have gotten married and had a child. talk about it talk about it before you get married man talk about if you want kids if you do want kids how many kids do you want are you up for adoption are you up for IVF talk about pro-life pro-choice talk about like everything all those monumental things you have to talk about we did this in pre-mental counseling talk about what chores you were supposed to do growing up

what chores I was supposed to do growing up because then chores becomes a big thing when you start living together, it was like, you know, you hate what, don't, we're not even starting down this road, of course. I'm now going down this list of just things that you should talk about. I don't want a list. Sorry, I thought you didn't like Liz. I love Liz. Look at this. Other things that were brought up that I think really can make or break a relationship that

you don't think to talk about is like who should handle finances and how do you foresee that working out because after you get married things change and some people expect things to change um after you get married or before you get married you should talk about gender roles within a relationship because that can change after kids and that can change we should do a well episode on that i think gender rules if you want to hear that let us know because our whole situation is way more different than what my parents i just think it's it can pose to be an issue in a relationship if you know a guy the guy you're dating expects that after you get married and you have a kid that you become a stay-at-home mom forever and that's just what he expects if you haven't talked about that would you

mind doing that we can have a conversation about it is that no that's agree right now right now okay but again it's those types of things that come up that can really put stress on a relationship and can make you not mesh yeah because the important thing to remember is you're not going to be able to predict everything that happens as you guys progress through a relationship. So having addressed some of these major issues to make sure that you're somewhat on the same page or you at least know where the other person's coming from is huge, I think. And as I reflect over our conversations that we had dating, talked a lot about religion, talked a lot about like family and the importance of it, but not necessarily children and

what that would look like. would you say for the most part we agree on how to raise a child yeah I think I think we were as I think we were like pretty well off all things considered but it still had us like a freight train so imagine if we didn't if we didn't have those similar values you know what I'm saying so anyway but there's a lot to this thing there is and there's a lot to axes so we in putting together this episode it's hard because again Our exes could be listening to this, so we don't want to throw out some crazy specifics

and injure somebody's feelings because that's not our intention. Wait, can I tell a funny story? But we wanted to be specific enough that you guys understood the gist of what Sean and I's backgrounds were. Go ahead. Can I tell a couple of funny stories? Sure, go for it.

Yeah, I'm nervous, but yeah. I think they're great. Okay, they have to do with exes. Okay. So when we started dating, oh, geez. I was flying to Nashville a lot. I was coming to all of your football games.

I was trying to be the really good girlfriend that learned all your friend's names and like really immersed to myself within the community. And before every game, they would do like a family tailgate at Bandy Football. You know where this is going?

It's not bad. It's just funny. And again, there's so many new people to learn and like faces and names. And I remember going to this tailgate and I'm like trying to act like I'm friends with people and be the cool girl, like the cool girlfriend. And I see this girl walking over to like the tailgate area.

And I like lit up because I was like, oh, she looks familiar. Like a familiar face. This is a friend. But I was like, crap, I can't remember her name. And so she's starting to walk towards me. We like make this eye contact. And I was like, hey! And she gets a little closer and she's like, hey.

And I just like full steam ahead, go straight in for the hug. Because I'm like, I need to make a friend. And literally, as I wrapped my arms around her, I was like, oh my gosh. I just realized why you look familiar. Just figured out I don't know you. We've never met, but you're Andrew's ex-girlfriend. Yeah. Didn't say it, but it was very awkward because we both knew it.

Like, as I pulled away, it was kind of this like, oh, this is awkward. You're friends with one of my kind of exes. Yeah. Oh, gosh. Yeah, I kind of am. We actually went and had my. margaritas and talked about you yeah so i'm cool with that yeah but i don't think i i wasn't getting the vibe that day that she was cool with that that was open okay yeah like then it was fresh too

i have a story about your ex we're up in des moines working out finish the workout you see the truck that your ex used to drive and it was like we might have to well do you dug a hole through the ground to try to get back to her house because she was going to do everything she could to avoid any interaction with that guy. Yeah. You didn't even want to get within like 100 yards of the truck. And I was like, I was probably unhealthy. I was like, I would be fine meeting the guy.

I'm fine with that. I have no, I don't have any insecurities about that. I think I was trying to respect you. Be like, make sure this doesn't happen. I appreciate that. But I'm not going to be like, and then you used to die my girlfriend like that like with that I don't get that attitude in general like why do people get mad about you used to date my girlfriend I just don't get it what do you get mad about I am curious what you would say to the Olympic boyfriend since you're so bitter here zoom in on my face hey if you're out there listening don't ever communicate with my wife ever again no no kidding no thanks for for introducing us man yeah thanks for your thanks for your contribution and making my wife who

she is that's what i'd say okay i did i did have i did have another funny one but you're cutting it off i don't know too sensitive it's not sensitive what about your ex's aunt what do you think that's your call no that's your call no because i think that embodies that weird aggressive attitude that people have for no reason so go ahead so another incident i'm at andrews football game just minding my own business there with one of my girlfriends and this lady walks up to me and very like she seemed like she was coming in for good conversation she's like hey you're sean i was like yeah she's like i'm so-and-so i'm let's say Georgia yeah i'm georgia i'm Georgia's aunt.

So Georgia being Andrew's ex-girlfriend. And I was like, oh, oh, hi. She's like, I just wanted to tell you, you know, that he's meant to be with her. And this is never going to work, this thing that you have with him because of your lifestyle and everything. He's meant to be with her. Wow. And I was like, whoa, whoa. Did a duel commence?

Did you guys like, kind of take care? No, it was one of those things that take you. so off guard that I was like shot down like my whole soul just like crawled into a hole and I was like I don't know how to respond to you right now other than that how is the tailgate though it was great yeah I'm sorry but no it's fine it just like like you said it goes into that aggressive people needing to take sides and do is that really going to help the issue like is that story getting back to me like you know what yeah that family is really healthy I want to be a part of that I want to sign back up for it does play into

the whole topic though of i truly believe your family needs to like your significant other yeah we can have a whole conversation about that yeah because our journey was uh unique in that sense it was because you go into china and all that nonsense was not a part of my family's plan anyway we're going to end the ex's conversation here are you good with that do you have any other stories no i hope that was helpful i hope my list that i put together provided some insight into is drama full list. I would say in general, to summarize it, my approach is to not get bitter about relationships. Don't erase your memories. Yeah. Don't have self-consciousness going into your new relationships. Like, honestly, I truly believe that. Be open about your old experiences.

I didn't finish my sentence. You cut it off. I just truly believe that having a general sense of gratitude about you when it comes to ending relationships or whatever it is is a good way to live life because it's too short to get bitter life's too short to get better this show was actually brought to us by one of you guys who emailed us the couple things pod at gmail.com and submitted this concept of talk about your exes so thank you we actually have a super cool opportunity if you guys are interested we might be going on a live tour with couple things. Would you guys be interested in coming to live tapings of a couple things in cities near you? Please let us know in the comments down below. Yeah,

we're starting to do some planning. It'd be like early June-ish probably. Let us know what cities you would like us to come to. We're thinking like 10 stops. We're trying not to be too overwhelming with a child. So we're just kind of putting our feelers out there. So if you're excited about it, let us know. Yes. And please, if you have it, give us a rating, press that, subscribe button, comment down below and we will see you next time, guys. East fan, out.