Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 10 year wedding anniversary Q+A LIVE

Episode Date: April 8, 2026

Can't believe it's been 10 years. HOW. So much of life has happened in that time & we wouldn't change it for the world! You can find the books we mentioned here ▶ https://www.amazon.com/shop/shawnjohnsoneast/list/LJALQY5VSMTD?ref_=aip_sf_list_spv_ons_mixed_d Pre-order our book The Courage to Commit ▶ https://thecouragetocommit.com/Branch Basics is now available everywhere you shop: at Target, Target.com, Amazon, and of course, BranchBasics.com. Tossing the toxins has never been more convenient!Timeline’s clinically proven formula is now available at a new, lower price. Mitopure now starts at $71 when you subscribe at https://www.timeline.com/EASTFAM.Home Chef is offering my listeners FIFTY PERCENT OFF and free shipping for your first box PLUS free dessert for life! Go to https://www.HomeChef.com/EASTFAM.If you’re thinking about adding a sports court or upgrading your outdoor space, head to https://americasportsconstruction.com/?utm_source=Shawn+Johnson&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=Shawn+Johnson+Referral&utm_id=Shawn-Johnson-Referral Thanks for celebrating with us! shopbeam.com/beamkids Follow My Instagram ▶ https://www.instagram.com/ShawnJohnson Like the Facebook page! ▶ https://www.facebook.com/ShawnJohnson Follow My Twitter ▶ https://www.twitter.com/ShawnJohnson Snapchat! ▶ @ShawneyJ Follow AndrewsTwitter ▶ http://www.twitter.com/AndrewDEast Follow My Instagram ▶ http://www.instagram.com/AndrewDEast Like the Facebook page! ▶ http://www.facebook.com/AndrewDEast Snapchat! ▶ @AndrewDEast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You do the proper intro and then we'll get into it. Okay. What's up, everybody? Welcome back to a couple things. With Sean and Andrew. I am so excited for this live. I am too. Today is a 10-year marriage Q&A.

Yeah, we are getting ready to go on our 10-year anniversary trip. Come old, baby. Have we ever taken an anniversary trip before? I don't think we have. We've been on the road on anniversaries. For sure. Remember May or April of 2017? when you pushed my face into a cake.

I woke up thinking about that. Today? What was I thinking? Yes, today. We have actually talked about this a lot lately. Looking back on some of, we've been watching Age of Attraction. And you look at some of these interactions

and you're like, wow, that is cringy. But then we start thinking back to some of our dating experiences and we're like, ooh, slight stalkerish, slight, like, creepy. Maybe I was like obsessive. on the verge of just not okay, you know?

But I feel like that's part of getting to know each other. Yeah. As you go through these embarrassing, awkward things together, and then instead of seeing them as embarrassing, you see them as cute, and then next thing you know, you're married for 10 years. One and you have three children that we went hard, you know? Remember one of our very first dates?

It was actually our very first date at the Grove in L.A. Yes. You actually flew into Nashville. Talk about kind of creepy, stalkerish, weird. You didn't have any place to go and didn't think like, oh, I should just, like, go check into a hotel or something. So you changed into an outfit in a bush in, like, the parking lot of some random hotel. Best Western. It was my first time in California, and it was an adventure.

I walked from the airport, like, five miles to meet my brother. Who does this? I was an M, an adventurous guy. An M? I am. Oh. Yeah. Interesting.

What do you think? I love the effort. It worked out. You know, I got a second day. For maybe five bucks. It took me, I don't think Uber existed back then. I know a taxi did. In 2013?

I know a taxi did. It was all good memories, is what it is. I'm excited for today. We have a ton of good questions that we pulled from Instagram, and we'll also be reading them from YouTube. So if you have any, please ask them. This has me in my feel. You're in your feel?

Yeah, I'm reading some of these. I'm like, ah, I have loved every second. I might not have liked every second of the past 10 years. But you are my best friend. What a right. It's been. Also, before we get into the questions, I do feel like we should talk about,

we announced the pre-order incentives for our book. The Curse to Commit is a book that we have worked on for the last three years. Can I say, sorry. No, I'm so excited. It's available for pre-order, and we are giving a bunch of fun incentives for if you order now. It massively helps us out. And in exchange for you helping us out, we're trying to help you all out by doing giveaways and fun free content, different fun things. So check it out.

We'll link it down below. And we appreciate it in advance. I was just going to add to this where it's been really kind of like a pinch me moment. And there's a very, it's very vulnerable writing a book and putting it out to the world because you're just like, what are people going to think? This is something like we're really passionate about this idea of like commitment and how it plays into every aspect of your life. But we've started doing podcast tours and events where we're meeting a lot of our peers and friends that we have sent advanced copies to where we're like, will you, endorse this what do you think i would love your opinion and knock on what but like time and time again the feedback's been good the feedback's been great and these are people who don't BS around they're not like

they're not just going to prop you at me like you did so good like i distinctly remember one person being like i was hesitant we don't usually endorse books but that's an amazing book and that's really needed and it's been an honor um and we're recording the audiobook for it this week which is going to be so You start this week. I do it solo without you. Which is crazy. What am I going to do without you? And then you'll do it next week.

But the pre-order incentives are we're going to do a video series. Can I come watch? We're releasing a video series? No. But six hours, let me just read the book. I'll come for like 30 minutes. Okay, fine. If you want to, that be great.

But we're doing a whole video series that kind of unpack some specific stories and concepts in the book, as well as some extra chapters. So, anyway, if you want to check out the book, then you can find it down. below. Thank you in advance. We're excited to get that out to you. But let's hit some questions. We do have a lot of these questions. We have said if we don't get through them all in the live stream, we will do a part two. But please, as always, in the comments of this live stream, please give us a thumbs up and comment if you have any add-on questions or thoughts. We love having like this full circle communication system going on. Let's jump in.

Very first question, 10 years into marriage. You guys have asked. how do you communicate and handle disagreements regarding parenting? Do we have any disagreements? Andrew and I were actually talking about this the other day about disagreements and arguments and communication when it pertains to parenting and how it's the absolute hardest because most arguments have like a weighted side to them

where like one spouse cares more about that topic than the other and one spouse is willing to like cave and give more ground in a respectful way. Parenting is hard because you have two people who care about this person, this tiny human, equally, right? So it's very passionate.

It's very, I don't want to say inflamed, but like, there's so much buy-in on both sides. And I think what we have come down to is trying to explain in any disagreement when it comes to parenting, our wise,

if that makes sense. Like, why are you arguing this? why does this mean so much to you? Where does this come from so that we can truly understand what it is that means so much about that topic? And I think that that has helped us. And just to clarify, that conversation of understanding your why and having awareness on why you feel that way, it might take two to three years.

Yeah. Or you might have immediate insight into why you feel that way. But that's why we're grateful to have a long runway to like keep figuring it. out. And I do agree that it's been a good process of actually understanding each other better because you're like, oh, well, I feel like this is something that you should be responsible for because, you know what, that's the example that was given to me raising when I was growing up in my household. So then you're like, oh, sweet. I'm actually, it's an exploration as opposed to just a frustration. So it's good. All right. Next question. This is from Michelle, I think.

How did you know it was time to move in, get engaged? How did you approach? How did you both approach these? How did you approach both of these? Hopefully by the end of this I'll be able to read. Well, we both agreed early on when we started talking about engagement and marriage that we wouldn't move in together until we were married. We did do it a little, I don't want to say a little backwards because it's not backwards.

Just from that. We bought our first house before we got married. but we did not both move into it until after we are married. Yeah. So we, Andrew kept his apartment, we purchased our house, I moved into the house. And this is because of like circumstances we just, that worked for us in our relationship. But we, you didn't move in until, I think the first day you came over and like moved in was the morning after our wedding. Remember?

Because we, you went to the house. to like pack up so we can move so we could move to Oakland. Yeah. How did you know it's time to move to Nashville though? It was like two months into dating. I didn't. Maybe three. This is probably an entire podcast in itself,

but I was in a phase and place in life and I was very young for this, but it's because of my career. I went pro and started working like professional when I was 12. And I kind of went through an entire career by the time I was 19. I retired at 19 from gymnastics. I had traveled the world. I had done the media circuit. I'd been working so hard for a long time.

And I had done that all alone that I knew I was ready. It sounds crazy to say at 19, but around like the 20, 21, I knew I was like ready to look for my person. And I wanted to share my life with someone. And I didn't want to do all of that by myself anymore. So when I found you and we had like this chemistry and I was just absolutely smitten, I knew in our relationship, you were in college, you were in like the beginning of your career, I knew the only way to see if this was going to work was to like me buy all in. And so I was like, you know what?

I have a savings account now from my career. I am wanting to take a break. I'm wanting to like start school. I'm wanting to slow down. I'm going to take this leap. It wasn't, we didn't agree together for me to move. to Nashville, it was like what I was going to do to invest in a relationship and see where it would go. But I was totally okay with the idea of, I'm going to drop everything.

I'm going to move to Nashville. I'm going to see if it works. If it doesn't, I'm okay finding another city. It was kind of like a sink or swim mentality. Like, hey, I'm going to give this a go. I'm going to push all my chips to the center and sink or swim. Truly. If it doesn't work out, I'll move to a different city.

If it does, then great. I'm glad I went on it. Yeah, it's cool. I like that. Someone asked a question, Jay, who says like, wow, marriage kind of sounds like a lot of work. It's like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It is. But what do you want your life to be? You want it to be just like comfort, sitting on a beach, drink a margaritas. You get tired of that in a week. I will say. You know what I'm saying? That's an interesting analogy. I'm about to go.

What do you want? You don't want work? What do you want to do? You just want to hang out? Like, what are we here for? Yeah. What are we here for, bro? We're here to build stuff, improve stuff, help stuff. I just had the idea.

That takes work. That takes a lot of freaking work. You're good. You're good now. I could keep going. Do you remember the first time, if you've ever ridden a bike before? Do you remember the first time you rode a bike without training wheels? Yeah. Do you remember that feeling? No, actually, I was like three years old, but I see it in my kids. I was like three months old, okay? But this idea of like you put so much effort into it when you're a kid, you're like really determined.

And then you take your trading goals off for the first time and you feel like you're on top of the world. That's marriage. Like you're constantly working and feeling like you accomplish something. Because what greater joy is there than growing? Yes, that's fine. But also helping someone else grow. Sanctification, bro. That freaking does take work.

You're right on the money. Ander, if you could change any one thing in the past 10 years, would you? If so, what? This sounds cliche, but no, I wouldn't because I'm grateful for all of the good things that have happened, all the bad things that have happened. And I think I'm able to be grateful for it because we have learned from the good and the bad in a way that has adjusted our course moving forward. And so you're like, I don't know. No, do I want my life to be just like rosy and and without scars? I don't think so.

I think like it's been a net positive and that's the part that takes work is like working towards a positive. But I mean, we've been through some tough times. Yeah. I would agree. I would say no. I mean, are there things that in the moment you think, oh, like I wish I would have done that different or better for sure. but looking back on everything we've done and all the mistakes we've made and everything you know that was ugly it's made our marriage actually stronger now it's made us better parents

better spouses yeah will ask how do you not allow the current world events affect your marriage and how you raise your kiddos that's from the youtube live stream my college football coach James Franklin, our pregame speech was always control what you can control. And I think that's been advice that I've carried over into adult life, including parenting, where you're like, all right, is there stuff to get stressed out about? Yes. Is there unique things to get stressed about today versus five years ago? Yeah. Is it worth getting stressed out about or like is it anything that I can do? Probably not. I can, I can, I can, I can, I can, can control how I

interact with my wife and kids. I can control how involved I am in my community. So that's what I'm focused on. You know? And it's like I think it is super important to be an active citizen. But like dude, I don't know. It's a phase. Let's like make it through it.

See it to the other side and like help our neighbors along the way. I think you can lose sight of what you believe in really quickly, you know, especially if you get too wrapped up in everyone's opinions and policies and thoughts and, like, making sure you have a place to come back to, whether it's daily, weekly, monthly to kind of like recalibrate yourself, keep your head on strong, you know, I think is really important. Yeah. You want to do this one real quick?

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After you purchase, when they asked where you heard about them, please make sure you mention our show. All right, next question. What is something new you guys have learned about each other? All right. It's so fun. This was a big year for us. It's so fun because like 10 years in, you kind of start thinking, I feel like, I feel like we've really gotten to know each other really well. How much newness is there yet to discover? A lot. But like there's just new situations and then like Sean changes your perspective now and how you'd react to a situation now is different than 10 years ago. So it literally is never ending. Even if it's the same situation, it's a different shot. but we're still in a phase of life where it's like different situations and different Sean which keeps you on your toes I'll tell you that much you know what I'm saying

you're like well just just what you thought you knew what to expect bam you know it's a boom right back at you um but I have I have understood and gotten to know Sean's focus way better both the the incredible application of your focus we've had a lot of conversations about the struggles of focus that you have. And then it's like, oh, now I see you differently. I feel like I've been able to have more empathy with you lately and a deeper understanding of how you work, which gives me height. What a treat.

Thanks, babe. I actually, something that I've been picking up on and trying to celebrate more, and I picked up on it even more last night. Andrew came home from the master's casual. And he's like, there's this one minute segment in this podcast I want you to listen to. And it was all about dopamine. No. Vaso suppressing.

Vasosuppressin. But how women basically get a dopamine hit from cuddling, snuggling. Yeah, oxytocin. Oxytocin. Whatever. And men get it from being playful. And I've been seeing this more and more in you, but I can so easily get annoyed by your rambunctiousness with the kids. and like but to see the joy that it brings you and to hear you kind of like back that up I was

I was loving that last night uh this a comment monica taylor says that she saw this the instagram story about drew wanting to be a pilot she says her dad was a pilot and taught her and her and her sisters to fly and they all soloed on their 16th birthdays such special memories that we're all making yeah that's pretty seeing drew dragged the plane out of the hangar I was like that's a core memory for me. 6-4 and 2 so far has been a delight to parent these kids. We're so enjoying watching them flourish and get to know each other. It's so fun.

We're having like good conversations with them. The questions they're asking. It's so fun. Their questions are actually like legit. Oh man. Also, Sophie asked where did the beam go from our shelf behind us? I think we gave it away to someone we interviewed. We did.

We need to get another replacement. I feel like we should. Thank you, Sophie. Good observation. All the girls behind the camera are like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Also, we just tested a new flavor. So strawberry just came out, being strawberry, which is probably my personal favorite. I think my personal favorite is strawberry, and then it's chocolate chip cookie, and then it's chocolate.

Ask every one of our kids, and they would rank those in different orders, but we just tried a new one. They're going to hate us for saying. Fruit Loop. So good. That's pretty good. And it's blue colored, which... It tastes like fruit loops. It looks like right after you finish a bowl of fruit loops, drinking the

milk. It is so good. Which you don't drink your cereal milk. No, that's like a, that's like a, that's like a, no, what's the, what's the question you ask on a date? What's your, like, like, your psycho? Yeah, psycho trait. What's it called? Your serial killer. Haha, serial killer. What's your serial killer trait? That's yours. People who drink cereal milk, I'm like, nah. Are you serious? Yeah. Listen to this. Sean. What? This is according to Google, approximately six. 67% of people drink the leftover milk from their cereal bowl. 66. 6.7.

If you don't let us know, thank you, Sophie, for that. What's the new one? Kids are saying? Does anybody know in the comments? 41. 41. Why is it 41? All right.

Start of acting like an old. What? An old person. Here, next question. Living in the influencer world, what boundaries do each of you have to yourselves? Which have you had to yourself? What boundary? Why are you giving me that face?

I don't know. I think our boundaries have become just kind of a rhythm of our life and how we showcase things. I mean, all the girls even behind the camera would know that it's ever changing. So every day we might feel comfortable posting one thing, but the next day it's something like not feel comfortable posting it. It's always a conversation about our kids and how much we show and what we show. And our boundaries, I would say pretty much the only boundary to a certain extent is just everything has to be communicated. Nothing can be posted without multiple eyes seeing it Just to make sure we are respecting everyone's

Privacy and just But we've been doing this a long time I feel like our perspective has changed This is our 10th We've been doing YouTube 10 half years Yeah I will say some unwritten boundaries We never embarrass our kids

Never talk down about our kids Never share anything that Paints our kids in a bad light same with our spouse. We don't talk down about each other and we never talk on camera about something that hasn't already been talked about in person if that makes sense.

So you're not hearing an argument for the first time. And we do a good job at that most of the time. I was going to say. Most of the time. It's been a little different. Okay. Jill says, Hey, Sean, you have always been an inspiration to me

and so many. I agree. Yesterday at Augusta. Yeah. Two ladies came up to me and they were like, I love your wife. I'm obsessed with her. And I was like, you know what? I am too.

I am too. I'm obsessed with you. I love having you as a teammate. Next question. I think one of my favorite compliments that I get is like, how can I find a husband like Andrew? I'm like, well, you can't have him. But I agree. He's freaking amazing.

Here's an interesting one. Do you have a joint financial account or separate? How do you navigate budgeting? We have this conversation before we got made. married on how we wanted to approach it and it felt like an easy decision for me. I would like to know your side and there's no wrong answer. But it was a very easy decision on my side where I said, I want everything to be joint. We both came into the relationship with kind of similar situations.

Yep. And so I feel like for us to just like, I guess we, no, we don't have any individual checking accounts. We share it all. And that so far has led to. some unique frustrations, but good conversations that have led to good outcomes. And how do we navigate budgeting? Andrew handles finances.

But we have meetings about it. And you say, this is our budget. And I'm like, LOL. Yes. No. It was kind of a soft spot for Sean, kind of a touchy subject for Sean finances going to the marriage. So it's been something that we've tried to like be less.

make less intimidating, I think. What you have? I think we've done a decent job. I had to start dealing with finances at the age of 12. So for me, a lot of it was like childhood, feeling like I had this pressure on me, and they felt intimidating since I had to learn it

at such a young age. And it was very freeing that you took over the finances so confidently and learned alongside, or had me learned alongside you, to where, like, we've healed a lot of that. I feel like you could take the ropes if you wanted to.

You know what I'm saying? Except I don't know a password. Oh, man. You know, every time I go to log into something, I reset that password. That's why. And now it's getting smart. It's like you can't use a password you've already used. I'm like, I didn't know I used that one.

Oh my gosh, Sean. There's a way around that. You could just go to like your phone and Google stores your passwords. But I use Safari Safari Does it too You got But then it comes up with a QR code

I have to text a code to and it goes to your phone Oh my gosh Just reset Reset reset Okay Do you How do you keep your marriage alive once you become parents How did you keep your marriage life once you became parents

What helps you if you are in a dry spell during marriage That was from Katie I think dry spell I feel like we just came out of one and by dry spell I mean news to me shot no you know those times in marriage where

you just don't feel like you could joke about things because it comes off as you take it personal that's how I'm interpreting dry spell winter it was a rough winter stop acting like the weather affects you so much talking about the storm tighten up dude

Tighten up. Talking about the storm. Okay. It was. That was a crazy experience. How do we keep our marriage alive? We talk about this all the time. Date night.

This is how we've approached it. I'm curious y'all's strategy with this. But Sean and I had the realization within like two or three months that our opportunities to connect were fewer and farther farther between after we had. our kid. Yep. We always talk about the first four months of being super difficult, which proved true with all of our kids. But like,

you're just adjusting. There's a lot of new dynamics. And so, you know, like the marriage is trying to sort itself out. But what we tried to do was set up a lot of predetermined and pre-scheduled times in our schedule that gave us. us a likelihood at connecting that gave us it wasn't every time we had something on the schedule and

we sat down that we actually did connect and like have some softness in the marriage but like it'll at least increased the probability of that happening by us making time for it I'd say the things that we've built in coffee in the morning even like as we're making lunches and getting ready to take kids to school but like having coffee with each other if that means I make his coffee or he He makes mine. Are we just like cheers? But it's just like a touch point. Trying to do daily devotionals every morning literally takes two minutes.

At the end of the night after the kids go down, we do bed time, which is like a 10 minute. Let's meet up after the kids go down and talk about the day. Weekly date nights and then Sunday weekly scheduling. I think are our touch points every day. Yeah. And I've been super grateful for that. It's been fantastic. Favorite trip pre-kids and post-kids.

What's yours? My favorite trip... Oh, easy. My favorite trip pre-kids was our kind of tour around Europe. Oh, my gosh. That was epic. That was so much fun. Also, as I'm thinking about a 10-year anniversary,

I feel like we should resurface some of our original videos. of like the wedding cake tasting the touring venues. Yeah, but but do it again for like just a short amount of time. Are we good on the live stream? We do.

We have audio is working but not the video. That would be great if we could see how we could figure out the video. But the Europe trip was fantastic and maybe we should resurface those as well. My favorite post kids trip that we took

was last year, Japan, Singapore, Dubai. Great ages. We have laughed about it. So much happened. Like so many dramatic things happened. We had a round recluse bite on jet. We had two hospital visits. Andrew had like the worst stye of his life.

We had projectile vomiting on really nice airplanes. So many things. But all I have are phenomenal memories from that trip. I know. You realize, I think our expectation went from being like a vacation. like hey let's have this nice relaxing smiley time with our kids to it's an adventure yeah and we're just going to embrace whatever comes our way and that was i think a really healthy shift for us okay your favorite pre kids trip our honeymoon was amazing i think about us playing cards while

floating in the ocean yeah we got waterproof cards and we played on the mat and it was amazing we were playing freestyle like crazy oh that was so much fun and then post kids the RV trip is still something that the kids talk about all the time another one where it was not all smiley and giggles, but it was probably one of our hardest moments we've ever had, ever in our marriage. And we're still kicking, baby. Still kicking. Real quick, today's episode is brought to you by Timeline.

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What is the biggest thing, Andrew, that we disagree on? Our biggest fight is actually asked a lot. What is our biggest argument? It, a couple things come to mind. It used to be dogs. Yeah. And, uh, and like, how do you raise pre kids? It was dogs.

Sean's background was treating dogs with like, maybe almost priority over humans. And then my background was loving dogs and their dogs. And I love them a lot. And there was some, like, I think circumstances that we had to navigate through that. Uh, scheduling is another one. And honestly, there's been some, like, hurt that we've, we've each encountered with that where I'll throw something on the schedule that, or actually, sorry, I won't put something on the schedule at all.

I didn't say what? And then, and then Sean is surprised by it. And it's still an area of growth for me. And I'm like, one of these days I'm going to grow up, you know, and get better there. But you've been extremely patient in the meantime. I was going to say our biggest fight, I don't. if I picture like our biggest fight, probably our most inflamed, whatever, I don't think that was about anything in particular that we would even fight about now. I think that was more like sleep

deprived. We were feeling not connected. Like it was a bad part in our, a bad moment in our relationship, not like a topic to argue about. Answering the biggest fight and like consistency, I would say is scheduling. It's funny though. So this is a conversation I've heard several all my friends have where a lot of the stuff will be like, hey, so-and-so's coming over. And Sean's like, okay, fun, when? Like next week or in a couple days? I'm like, no, in like 20 minutes. And then there's like this stress level because she has expectations that the house is, you know, put together.

Or we have activities planned or whatever. There's a charcutory board. And I'm like, I don't care about that stuff. But I just want to hang with this person. I know. And then so it just lends itself to how do we swear through it? What's the compromise of, okay, sweet. you know what we'll just have to say sorry you didn't look at charcuttery today joey jockey our argument

about scheduling comes from two historically different backgrounds i came from a family and a career where 15 minutes early was late and my livelihood depended on that so i would have been cut from the national team lost my paychecks lost my you know career if i was 14 minutes early. Andrew came from a family in a background where it was the opposite. It was, everything was flexible. We asked for forgiveness. Late is fine. And blending those two has posed to be challenged sometimes. And matter of fact, I was cut from many professional teams as a result of my aloofness. I'm not aloof. I'm like, I'm free-spirited, which is funny because that's why you married me. It's like, oh, this guy's so excitable.

And adventurous. He's just like laying back. Yeah, which is. And then I'll be like waiting some of the time for two hours. Oh, man, good times, good times. Okay. Still an argument, evidently. Let's see.

Jordan says it can't wait for the book. Jordan also says the video is working. So I'm pumped about that. Who made the first move? You know what? I did. And I'm grateful. Sean and I's first kiss

I guess I don't know is that yeah first kiss Is that the first move? Sean allowed me to take initiative Which I think was like good And also I didn't for maybe longer than you expected me to And since like there was confusion there I was like hello

When are you going to kiss me? But it ain't all it ain't all about making out You know what I'm saying? I'm like I'm trying to get a Noah girl I'm trying to see if she wifie out here bro you know you know yeah what was the thing that created the most valuable shift in your marriage counseling what would you say counseling is big date night date night's big I'm just I love this someone was asking uh about our 10 year anniversary trip and they're like do you guys have like big plans in Mexico are you gonna

go do excursions or whatever. I'm like, honestly, my favorite thing is to sit at breakfast, lunch, and dinner with Sean and just like talk about stuff. Yeah. And we don't get uninterrupted conversation much with kids besides this podcast, which is why I'm so grateful for this. But like, I say that because I think we have done a good job at being in new situations, whether it be a new project we're working at or something we're learning or something we're learning

or some new goal that we have, pilots license or school or chickens. And then like we put ourselves in these new situations and we debrief it. And I think that has been so fun. Because like you ever, we rarely are bored. I think we're often frustrated. We're rarely bored with each other.

So I just picked up on this, as you said that, a very common word in our marriage used probably multiple times a day is debrief. It's actually something we say a lot and it's a way that we check in with each other will either say like, I can't wait to debrief with you.

And it's usually our way of saying, I know we don't have time now, but I have something I can't wait to share with you. Or at the end of the day, it would be like, do you have anything you want to debrief? And it's just an invitation of communication to talk through emotions or something you went through but to truly like understand you better

but we say that a lot. Deep brief, yeah. Yeah. Biggest takeaway from couples therapy. Forgiveness. Ah, what a beautiful freaking concept that is. Holy crap, dude. I think about this all the time.

That book, we read a book this big. You know what the takeaway was? Forgiveness. And there's a lot to it. And honestly, a lot of it is forgiving, because you've been forgiven, which is deep. And then also realizing that, like, man,

I don't have to always feel like I'm getting attacked. Like, part of that is me. It's not always the other person. And then when it is the other person, like having this grace that you're able to be like, hey, that kind of hurt me. And then you have a conversation about it. And they're like, I didn't actually mean to. Yeah.

And then you're like, okay, now we're actually way better off than we were even before. the thing got brought up. I was going to say exactly like forgiveness, but like with the forgiveness, they always explained our therapist as like, you know when something happens and you get your feelings hurt. And right

in the moment, your feelings are probably hurt a little bit, but then you leave and you think about it again and you start thinking, how could they? I can't believe. And you just start spiraling down this black hole to where it's built up into such a big thing. Our counselors taught us

in any given moment learn how to stop for a second and just like pray forgiveness. And it's a way to like release all this like resentment that ends up getting built up. And you start learning how to give your partner and yourself more grace. I was going to tell you yesterday. You forgave me? No. Well, yeah.

On our way home. Oh, on our way home from softball practice. Drew and Jett did their first forgiveness prayer. They both, they both had some beef about different people, different friends on the playground or something happened. And I was just a tired mama. And I was like, I don't know, I don't know how to handle this right now. There's so many, you know, wrongdoings that kids see and whatever. And I said, okay, Drew, close your eyes by your head. Repeat after me. And I was like, your God, please help us forgive our friend for X, Y, Z. I don't think they meant to hurt us, but if they did,

and it was actually beautiful. So we, that's what our counselors taught us is like to do this forgiveness prayer. It was literally a repeat and follow. counseling exercise where every week you go in and they'd like walk you through this prayer they would say this all right repeat after me dear lord I forgive so and so dear lord I forgive so and you're like wow that was actually really nice why am I holding on to this and like waking up stressed and angry like I could just move past this but I had both drew and jet do it for each of their whatever and Drew actually had something she felt bad about and I was like that's fine let's pray forgiveness for yourself and like pray for the other person and and they both as soon as

they were done praying they were like they were over it yeah and wow turns me on you did that baby turned me on it gives me going it gives me going okay uh no uh that is really cool um I was going to say something else but then I got distracted yeah oh okay um sorry about that you want to do this real quick Sure. We've got two more of these. Today's episode is brought to you by Home Chef. Lately with spring schedules picking up and everything feeling busy again, dinner has been the one thing I really don't want to overthink.

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Go to homecheft.com forward slash east fam. That's home chef.com slash east fam for 50% off your first box and free dessert for life. Must be an active subscriber to receive the free dessert. Their meals are delicious, you guys. That's right. Oh, Allison says she does those prayers for patience as well. I like that. I like that a lot.

I love that. Yeah. I think that's good. We'll have to incorporate that. Have you ever faced backlash from sharing your faith is from Sophie? and how have you dealt with it privately and publicly? I say it's a lot. I feel like we're spoiled, though.

Like our corner of the internet has been so kind. Also, we've been doing this for so long. I feel like people really kind of know how we operate and have seen so much of our journey. We're not like, we don't have like an agenda here. I feel so spoiled because we have just gotten to share what's going on in our life and how we're dealing with it. And part of that is faith for us.

So like, I don't know. It's not like we're out here trying to, trying to like, I don't know. Convert everybody. Evangelize or like shove anything down anything throat, whether it be spiritual, political, anything. It's just like, hey, this is how we're doing this. I don't know.

And this is working and this isn't. So I would say there's not been a lot of backlash. No. And even when you get backlash, which everyone's going to get backlash. at some point. You just kind of have to go ask yourself, what is it I believe in?

Why do I believe in it? Do I want to change that based off of the backlash or not? And you know what? Nobody can please everybody. Not even Jesus could. You know? And that guy was as good as they come. Maybe the best.

Jesus had a lot of haters. That's right. Yeah. Thank you for that question. Next one. When did you start feeling fully comfortable with each other? Hmm Interesting

My My response to this has changed When you're dating I feel like there's this thing with the boys Where it's like Have you farted in front of each other You know And it's like that's the level

That's the measure of comfortability And then you're like Cool yeah We're so comfortable We can do We can burp in front of each other You're like okay Now I actually don't want to do that anymore

You know I actually want to allow you to think of me highly. So I'm not trying to be like, let it all loose in any way. So that has changed. And I very much used to be like, hey, let me just like show her all my side. And it's like, no, actually, I want you to see, I want to be my best self for you so that you can think of me highly. Because I think that's actually important.

I still think you're smoking. Thank you. I appreciate that. And I know I have some unattractive habits as well. But when we first started getting fully comfortable with each other, it's been a growing process, honestly. I think you get more and more and more and more and more comfortable. It's interesting to think that we could be even more comfortable than we are now

because, like, you're my guy. I remember, I distinctly remember the very first, so it was like our second date, time I came to Nashville. and I always say like that's when I feel in love which literally like date two but I remember feeling a comfort very early on and I know fully comfortable is the question but I remember they're feeling like this peace

and this ease was just being around you where I didn't feel like I had to be someone or put on a front or I could just like literally not say anything and just hang out and feel welcomed and loved so I would answer that question almost right away but then it just grew over time

I do remember after having our first kid it's like you kind of rip so many band-aids of like masks or fronts or because you're just you're so vulnerable it was different it did happen

at the very beginning this choice of like oh yeah this is someone I'm willing to choose to just like be myself with yeah we talk about that on the first day picking up from the airport like we didn't really talk much in the car which was new i had always kind of just nervously talked and tried to fill the fill the empty space but we didn't that first time and that was the first time i had done that in any dating relationship and it was kind of this like new

approach of like hey you know what if this is going to go the distance i can't put on a show for that long no so it's exhausting to do that and uh let me just try to be myself so thank you Thanks for letting me do that. Thanks for letting me do that. Let's see. Michaela says, not a question, but keep dating weekly.

We are in year 29 and has kept the wonder and memories so strong. That's super good. The end that gets me hype. Think about when we're in year 29 in marriage, not just 10.

How do you discuss getting out of the roommate phase in a loving way? The way that I did it was, it wasn't even like roommate, but I distinctly are remember with probably every kid there being a point to which I would say you know you're so complimentary complimentary of me as a mother like you're doing such a good job as a mom you're such

you're such good mom and that's so beautiful and please don't ever stop doing that but I don't want to just be the mother of your children I actually want to be your wife and that was my way of communicating like I feel like we're co-parenting and we're not working on our marriage. And so I would just, that's how I would always say. I'd be like, I miss being your wife and I would like to work on that again. Yeah. I think this is where the five love languages became helpful for me where it's like there's just certain times like after having a kid that you don't necessarily want to be touched.

And certain times I don't necessarily want to be touched. You know what I'm saying? So it's like, I think a lot of people equate roommate phase with like not being. In different ways. Yeah. But like, but the five love languages of understanding, okay, I can show love as a non-roomate or more than roommate and just sitting down and making eye contact with her and being curious and asking questions, having quality time. Or I can show her love by giving her flowers. And then it's like, now we have one sweet moment that might last 10 seconds where she says, oh, thank you so much for the flowers, babe.

and it cost $10 to buy the flowers and maybe it's active service. I don't know. So I think just like trying to circle through the different love languages until you find one that sticks in a certain phase is kind of how I approached it. But that was not until like our third kid that I kind of came up with that strategy. Yeah. Okay, guys. There's something really exciting happening at our house.

how soon and we can't wait to show you. We are finally building a pickleball court or a sport court and we cannot wait to show you guys. Yes. And we are partnering with America's sports construction who's making it all happen. It's been so fun recently. And they're actually a division of Pave America. And these guys usually handle massive commercial projects across the country. Residential projects like ours aren't normally their thing.

But since they're building on our court or since they're building our court, they're also helping with our driveway, which while we're here and it's, It's amazing. It is. They're going to do the pickleball court and the driveway and they do amazing work. They do so much so that corporations hire them to do whole potamots. But what we love is that they handle everything from design all the way to construction. So the whole process feels really seamless from start to finish.

If you are thinking about adding a sports court or upgrading your outdoor space, head to AmericaSportsConstruction.com to get started or check them out on Instagram at America Sports Construction to see what they're building. And if you want to go straight there, we've got a link waiting for you in our show notes, and you can find it down below. But we're super grateful to know these guys. We've known them for a while. They do a lot of cool work with Make a Wish.

We've got another team and can't speak highly enough for them. Can't wait to show you guys what they're doing. Yeah, it's going to be a fun project. So thank you, America Sports Construction and Pave America. All right. Let's do maybe a couple more minutes of questions. The Heartland. Man, the Heartland's been with us for a while, too.

golly, I love these live streams and seeing the handles pop up. She asked, what do I do next if I've tried explaining that to my husband? He doesn't want to plan date nights or go to therapy, and this is our 10-year anniversary, and I still feel like roommates. Okay. I have had times where I feel like Sean is not hearing me when I'm reaching out, trying to, like, repair things. Maybe trying to have the conversation in a different context,

or in an abnormal way than you're used to could help. So like saying, hey, let's go out to coffee and talk about this. Like, I really want to figure this out. And it not being an off-the-cuff, like in the moment when you feel like, oh, my gosh, we're just roommates. And then you start feeling mentally stressed and you start painting this picture. And then you start going down the spiral. And like, it's just like a reactionary comment that you make in the, those times, it's more of a, hey, this has been a pattern that I've seen and I want to have a

blocked out time. And if you continue to bring this up, like over a period of time, then, then at some point it's their responsibility. And I would say, like, keep on loving them, whatever that means for that phase and their response. That's my first take. something that our counselors were talking to us about is it's very difficult so hear me out but to release the expectation you have on your spouse and to only control yourself meaning that if you want something to change within your dynamic instead of just saying i want you to change this or i want you to do this start changing it in yourself and do it so selflessly consistently, does that make sense?

To where maybe they feel like a shift and they get excited and they're like, oh, this is new. I've never seen this side of them before. I've never, you know, book child care one night and do an in-house date night if he's not wanting to go out. And like, but do it selflessly and see if that shifts the tone. And then if they enjoy the date night, be like, try it again, you know. But rather than put all of that expectation on change on them, try to like take some of that on yourself. Kind of do the inception type strategy. Yeah.

I appreciate that. We're rooting for you, Heartland, though. Don't lose heart. Let's see. Brooke says, love you all. You're the first couple I was able to relate to in that you brag about one another and your relationship. I think it's become the norm to complain more than compliment. I mean, we've been in times and phases where we've complained more than complimented.

And we just realized, like, yeah, there's always something to complain about. There's always something you could compliment. And so which wolf you can feed on your shoulder, you know? Like, let's just, I think it leads to a smoother life and a more peaceful, enjoyable, joy-filled one when you start feeding the compliment wolf as opposed to the complained wolf. You know? I like the wolf now. You don't, you don't, but I appreciate that. Oh, man.

Would we compete in another show together? We'll see. I mean... We're trying to create a show for you guys. Yeah. One that would be like... Don't, don't say. Okay, okay, fine, fine.

We won't ruin it. It's something we would love. Yeah. It could be really fun. Let's do two more questions, shall we? And we'll do them from Instagram and the YouTube live stream if you're listening. Also, if you haven't yet, hit the like button. on YouTube, the thumbs up button.

It helps us out a lot. And we got a couple hundred of y'all listening, so thank you. Oh, Emily says, hey, Sean and Andrew, met at the pro volleyball attorney and told you, you told you we were pregnant. I remember you. Ended in the late miscarriage, but just had a rainbow baby girl, Ryan. Oh, yay. What a story.

That's amazing. Congratulations. Emily, congrats. The Burke's doing a big. I remember you the Stigley. That is so much fun. Thank you for sharing that.

Yo, we went through some live with these folks. That is so much fun. That's crazy. Dang, that gets me hyped up. Okay, last question, babe. You choose.

Well, that wasn't a question, so I've got to do more. Okay. Top five parenting books and marriage books. Number one. Meaning of marriage. By Tim Keller. It's phenomenal.

I actually just bought two copies for my sister pumped about that number we read that like four months into marriage or sorry four months into dating and we're like all right this is how i'm viewing what marriage is do we agree with this and if not then why and let's come up with what our expectations are and why we think this is something we want to do i would say um red book ruthless elimination of hurry absolutely wow for a parent absolutely Interesting. I like it. I like it. I love that. I could say.

Red book. And you're like, that did change the cadence of our life. That's by John Mark Comer, phenomenal book. I would say the Jesus storybook Bible, I think is what it's called. We've read through that eight times with our kids. I gift it all the time. It does a wonderful job at making Bible stories approachable, which has then allowed us to parent better

because we're able to like refer different lessons in different ways to different stories. What about the one you're just telling me about? I haven't read it yet. I need to read it about men. You were like, you should read this because of boys. Which one? Of boys and men?

I read a lot of manhood books. I think it's interesting. I'll try to come up with one. We have published these lists on our news. Wilde at Heart. So good. John Eldridge. Wow.

Amazing. If you have boys, that's great. I would also say 30 lessons on loving. Yeah. That's what changed my mind on like the comfortability, like, let it all loose type of comfort versus like this more filtered comfort. We interviewed that author, amazing book. He talks to older folks about their lessons on loving and there were some phenomenal takeaways there.

I would also say you don't even have to apply. the disciplinary tactics of the book that it's like written around but the psychology in it I find incredibly fascinating one two three magic for like

rate it's for raising toddlers and kids alongside discipline but like it it teaches the psychology of it I loved that it's what we do in our household and it works beautifully also for us

it might have just played the role of like giving us a framework for discipline that we didn't previously have. And we've agreed with things and disagreed with different things. And it was just helpful to like have a conversation started of like, oh yeah, they talked about this point. How are we going to address it?

For sure. And kind of help build the framework for how we want to approach it. That's where I was saying. There's so much psychological data behind it, which I really liked. But. Yeah.

I think that was four. My last one would be intentional father for the dads out there. I gift this book. all the time. It was like, talking about our counseling and forgiveness, one of the exercises that has you do

is write a letter, letter to your father about all the things they did well, despite all the things they did wrong. Just write a letter thanking them for the things that they did well. And I did that, wrote that letter to my dad,

gave it to him in November of 2021. one and he passed away a couple months later and I'm so grateful for that process to share something with him to reflect on the type of father he was the habits that I kind of stumbled into because of him and many I wanted to keep several I wanted to leave behind but the book Intentional Father is kind of just like several of these exercises like that it's not necessarily a fun book to read but it has you do kind of like these like workshop type things that has positively affected how I approach parenting and like has made it a little easier to be as

strategic in family as I am in other areas of my life so that would be our list. Do you have any other thoughts? No, I think so. That was fun. I would definitely want to do a part two. Yeah, me too. Hit the like button. Thank you for listening this far.

Thank you for joining. Thank you for all your wonderful questions on Instagram and on you. YouTube. And we have a couple wedding videos that are releasing on the main channel. We did a marriage product review. We're doing our, we're watching our wedding video for the 10th year in a row and have some other fun things planned. So check us out there. Check out all the links in the show notes where you can find our book. That's all we got. Thanks for listening. I'm Andrew. I'm Sean. Till next time.