Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 105 how to put yourself out there for dating

Episode Date: March 2, 2022

This week on Couple Things, we talk about how to put yourself out there for dating. We cover topics like how to know you're ready to be in a relationship, where to meet people, tips on putting yourself out there, and more!! We are sponsored by these companies that we love. Check them out below: Better Help ▶ Our Couple things listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/EASTFAM LMNT ▶ LMNT is so sure you will love their product and come back for more they are offering you a free LMNT Sample Pack. That’s 8 single serving packets FREE - Just cover the cost of shipping ($5 for US customers). Get yours at DrinkLMNT.com/EASTFAM. This deal is not available on their regular website. If you haven’t yet, please rate Couple Things and subscribe to hear more. Follow us on Instagram to keep the conversation going at https://www.instagram.com/couplethings... And if you have suggestions/recommendations for the show, send us your ideas in a video format – we might just choose yours! Email us at [e-mail]. Subscribe for more! http://bit.ly/3rnOdNo Follow My Instagram ▶ http://www.instagram.com/ShawnJohnson Like the Facebook page! ▶ http://www.facebook.com/ShawnJohnson Follow My Twitter ▶ http://www.twitter.com/ShawnJohnson Snapchat! ▶ @ShawneyJ Follow AndrewsTwitter ▶ http://www.twitter.com/AndrewDEast Follow My Instagram ▶ http://www.instagram.com/AndrewDEast Like the Facebook page! ▶ http://www.facebook.com/AndrewDEast Snapchat! ▶ @AndrewDEast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When you're with Amex Platinum, you get access to exclusive dining experiences and an annual travel credit. So the best tapas in town might be in a new town altogether. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Terms and conditions apply. Learn more at Amex.ca. i'm so attracted to you now but it's more important than i'm actually interested in you i did not know was coming there i know you did but i wasn't attracted to you when we first got together no it's not

about the cars or the money or the height or the looks it's about purpose like that's just it it's like you were fine dating me even though I didn't have a job because you knew that we were always going to wake up together feeling purposeful what's up everybody welcome back to a couple things with Sean and Andrew a podcast all about couples and the things they go through today we have how to put yourself out there for dating that's right so when we were out on the tour out on the road. We did get a lot of questions about how do I find someone to date or to marry? And it's a hard question to answer to be honest with you. It really is. So we have assembled here a six page document on our thoughts on how to put yourself out there to find someone who's a quality candidate

to marry. And I would like to say this is kind of how we found each other. So I don't think you know this is like the Bible of how to find someone sure but this is one way to do it's one way exactly yeah um before we get started if you haven't yet please subscribe to the show and rate it on whatever platform you're listening on we really appreciate your feedback really appreciate this community and um it's because of you that this show and this topic came to be so keep letting us know what you want to hear and let's just dive into it shall we yeah I think you should go without saying that dating is awkward and dating is weird. I'm actually really glad I don't

have to date anymore. Do you think it's gotten harder or do you think we're just old? I think it's gotten a lot harder honestly because people meet through the screen anymore and I feel like that gives a lot

of people like confidence when it comes to like being a keyboard dater but you can also be whoever you want behind a screen. You don't actually have to be yourself. And so I think getting to that first date is a lot harder these days. Plus,

we were talking to someone who was saying the other day that it's really easy to get consumed with like the grass is always greener vibe with dating apps and the internet because you can always just be swiping and swiping and swiping to look for someone who looks better, whose resume is better, whose profile is better when that's not reality. That's not like real life. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's probably gotten a little more complicated or the pool of candidates has grown because of the internet. So it makes feeling content with who you're with more difficult.

But anyway, so if you feel like you're ready to meet someone, but you don't know how to put yourself out there again, we've constructed this episode for you. And maybe you've tried to put yourself out there in the past but felt let down or awkward trying to meet someone. because first impressions, let's be real, can be awkward and going on dates can be hard. Some people, some people love meeting strangers, other people feel super on edge and like vulnerable. That would be me. I do not, I have a really hard time meeting strangers. It's not that I don't like to meet strangers, but I have a very hard time.

Yes. Yes. You are the opposite. You thrive in that environment. first things first if you are wanting to meet someone you need to ask yourself are you ready to date because i feel like people can be like serial daters where they're not really wanting to commit to anything they're just wanting to like bounce around yeah or there's a whole there's a whole range that we could talk about there it's like hey i want to go on dates so i can sleep with people

yeah or some people go on dates because they're desperate for marriage yes which usually doesn't work. Neither of those I would prescribe as the right way to go on a date or the right reason to be dating. So our view of relationships and our view of our relationship is that it's a commitment that it's not always going to be like sunshine and rainbows. It's not always going to be fun. There will be sacrifices, pain, tears involved. But when we zoom out and look at our relationship in the long run, so we've now known each other for nine years. Nine, almost 10 years. all of those sacrifices have been worth it to create this shared life, shared memories, shared family together. Do you agree with that?

I agree. I have two thoughts. No, I had two thoughts. Going back to like everything you just said. So I feel like, Andrew, you can correct me if I'm wrong, I feel like you and I both approached dating in a similar way. Like I remember guys that I went on a date with and, you know, we started to have like a fling. but I very quickly was like

I don't really want to see them again because I know they're not it like I know I can't see myself spending the rest of my life with them so why invest the time and effort and I think that's my personality where I truly was looking for a connection and not just

flings yeah physical flings which some people do and it is worth sharing Sean and I's background which is both of our parents are still married they've been married for decades It's like 30, 40, 50 years almost. I think my parents have been married 40 some, almost 50. So that's kind of the context that we were raised in and our expectations as we were looking.

So I think being aware of what background you come from and what your natural tilt will be as you're navigating this landscape of like, hey, you know what? All the role models in my life were dating often or they got married and divorced several times. times. And so like it kind of sets what your expectations are. But anyway, I think that ties into another episode that we've done if you guys haven't heard it, which is the goal setting. I think you truly, based on your background, based on your personality, based on your lifestyle, what your wants and needs are, you truly have to sit down and say, what do I want in a spouse? What do I want in a partner and someone that I'm looking for to date? Because if you come from, say, broken marriages, whether it's you personally or your family and you don't want,

that you need to like actively put that in your sites of like this is what i'm looking for well and to zoom out further it ties into another episode we've done which is the goal setting vision setting uh and what what will a six no yours was a successful spouse i said it reminds me of our goal setting episode if you haven't heard it go listen to it i thought you're the other one that we did no well we have done too so we're both we're both right but it's like what do you at What's going to create a fulfilling life for you? And that could look different for other people. I have another thought.

You got your chock full of them today. I'm very passionate about this because I feel like this is what we're going to be teaching our kids. Okay. Another thing, and we've seen this firsthand with our friends, we've experienced it firsthand. A spouse, a partner, a boyfriend, a girlfriend will not like fulfill your life. I don't know how to say that. Right. It's more, I think, enhancing.

If you aren't happy and you feel a void, a partner is not going to fix that. That's deep. So I truly believe, like, we have friends who are in that desperate phase of marriage where they're just desperately looking to, like, fill a void, and they can't find someone. But I think that's not because they can't find someone. I think that's because they have to fix themselves. So you truly, before you go into dating, you have to say, like, you have to work on

yourself. You have to be very confident, very fulfilled in who you are to find someone to kind of do life with. You can't look for someone to make life like purposeful for you. Today's show is brought to you by BetterHelp. These past few years have been extremely hard for so many people. And being isolated doesn't help when you need someone to talk to. Speaking of that, I want to give a shout out to one brand that we've loved working with and that's BetterHelp. BetterHelp actually helps to assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapists. Yes, they are awesome. You can even start communicating in under 48 hours with your matched therapist. It is not a crisis line. It's not self-help. It is professional

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This episode is brought to you by Defender. With its 626 horsepower twin turbo V8 engine, The Defender Octa is taking on the Dakar rally. The ultimate off-road challenge. Learn more at landrover.ca. And one thing that helps us in that process, or I think is helpful, is looking at the patterns that have formed over your past relationships or what's gone right, like within your friend group.

Do you look back on relationships with your friends? And you're like, oh my gosh, you know, there's so many close friends that I had that ended poorly. Like there's been a lot of drama involved. And looking at the big picture patterns helps because it's like, oh, hey, maybe you're the dramatic one and you should be aware of that, right? Or maybe you, if you look at the pattern of how conflicts pan out and how you argue, you withdraw or you get too aggressive and being aware of what your patterns are,

I feel like is a primer in knowing whether you're ready to date. But the other factors are, you know, we have a lot of friends who are super career-oriented and they just don't have it in their time or schedule to make time to like sacrifice to go on dates or like to put in the literally time investment that's required to cultivate a relationship. Also, do you have the money and energy to go on dates and the seasonal life you're in you could be a single mom with kids running around and that complicates things right not to say you can't do it but are you up for it dating is work just like marriage is work so you have to be prepared to

like put in the work yeah and i want to harp on what sean said not too long ago that having uh self confidence and feeling secure with yourself and who you are and what you're made to do and what your purposes and what your strengths are and what your weaknesses are you got to be happy with yourself before uh you've you can really be happy with someone else like there there is no hey this relationship is going to be a band-aid to all of my problems in life that just doesn't exist it'll probably actually make the wound more apparent or make your insecurities more apparent because that's the beauty and the tough thing about long-term committed relationships like marriage where all of my faults are exposed because I point them out.

No, that's just the way it goes. And it's good because if you have the mindset that, hey, the fault is now exposed so I can work on it and I have an accountability partner in that, then that's a good way to approach it. But if you're trying to find up like a one-stop shop for, I don't know, fixing your life issues, this isn't it. I was going to say the same thing. I think whatever is going on in your life, insecurities, self-doubt, confidence, career, problems, good or bad, will be enhanced with a partner, truly. Because, for example, I remember with Andrew, I, when we started dating, I was still dealing with eating disorders and, like, body image map like massive body image issues and i was dealing with them by myself and then when we

started dating i felt this like immense pressure to hide that from andrew because i thought that would be like unattractive to him which in turn almost made everything worse because i would try to act really cool and eat a burger when that was something that i hadn't really like overcome yet in front of him but then I would hide myself for a couple days like purging and not eating because I was trying to make up for it which like I said it's just whatever issues you have are usually enhanced and you have to be very upfront with them and work on yourself before you have someone else to kind of join me. I never heard this story yeah dang babe it's okay I'm sorry you don't have to eat the right food to be cool on my both no I

agree I just I was still going through a battle you know and I will say something that is cool when you find the right person is Andrew really encouraged me even before he knew all of like my eating disorder stuff um he was one of the first people that made me feel truly loved no matter who I was or what I looked like or like I felt like you loved me from the inside out first um which gave me the confidence to then go work on myself even more and overcome my issues. I do love you, babe. Thank you, baby. I'm sorry.

Okay. I will, funny story. And it has come full circle. So like I have my eating disorder is under control. I've worked on it with a therapist and nutritionist for 10 years. But you and I got to giggling not too long ago about one of our first dates. here in Nashville how you said you noticed the quantity the ratio of guacamole to chip that we had because we went to a Mexican restaurant and I was eating like all guacamole and no chips but the real

story was I was petrified and terrified to eat carbs what the heck this is so outside my room of understanding it is it is but it's just it's just funny because you're like I definitely noticed that And in my head, I'm like, well, that was part of an issue that I was dealing with. I've never heard this. Yeah. But on the flip side of that, too, you don't want to put on a relationship something that it's not ready for. So you don't want to be talking about, you know, all of your baggage on the first day,

probably, right? You don't want to talk about all the baggage on the first day. You can talk about goals and expectations. I'm just saying there's a time in place for things. So if you came in, you're like, hey, my life's a mess. My life's a wreck. I'm not going to be like, oh, that's a perfect spouse for me, necessarily. Maybe not for you.

And that's where it takes discernment. I would really challenge that. I'm holding actually my ground on this one. I don't disagree with you because I think if you are a person that needs, I don't know. I don't know. I'm just saying it takes discernment. Like you have to know, hey, this is a fine time for me to share this and this relationship's ready for it. It could be the first date.

I'm not saying that it's not. but sometimes it won't be bro i know but our our um relationship didn't call for that but i think there are probably relationships from day one where someone needs to be like listen i have three kids sure yes i'm divorced that's not baggage three kids is not baggage so then what's baggage I'm saying like if you show up on it and we have a half hour at a coffee shop and you say hi I think you're the person that I'm going to marry that's not going to lead to a second step. That's not baggage. I'm just saying you understand my point. No you're digging yourself out a grave. I am not. Yes you are. I feel passionate about you. You started out saying don't unleash all of your baggage on someone on the first date and then you say I'm going to marry you. That's not baggage. I'm just saying not everything is. if I should have put our first date and I was like first date and you took me to a burger joint

and I said I'm going to be fully honest with you like I come from a gymnastics background I struggle with an eating disorder for many years but I'm really working on it now do you think we could go somewhere else eat how would that have come across to you that would have been fine

then then you are contradicting your baggage statement no I'm saying it could be on the first date but sometimes it won't be if I showed up on the first day and was like hey I just got out of prison because I was addicted to drugs I think if you are a potential partner who can deal with that you'll probably be able to deal with that on the first date okay because I say all this and I challenge you because I was talking to a friend of mine who is in the dating world and she was really

working on her profile on one of the dating apps and she was like I'm afraid to put this picture because I don't want it to look like I'm too consumed with work and I was like you know what you absolutely love your work so why not show someone that on like up front so they know what they're getting into you don't want to put on a facade no but first impressions do matter and if I lead with drugs that kind of affirms that my identity still is like in drugs where it's like hey here's all the things I'm excited about and if the conversation comes with Oh, well, why haven't you done it for the last three years? Well, I was actually in jail because of yada, yada, yada.

You think you would rather hear that on the third date than the first date? For the sake of time. Wow. First impressions matter. They do, but I also think honesty and transparency. 100% is so important in a relationship. So I don't think the first date should be like, oh, I'm not saying lie. I think we're saying the same thing.

All right. And then also, you want to have a goal in mind. Like, what are you actually dating for? Is it to go to the homecoming dance or is it to find a spouse? There's a range. Okay. How do you meet someone? Yes.

This is what Andrew and I did when we are dating and I think you have to do this for you. Write down your hobbies. What do you love? What do you dislike? So if you don't drink alcohol, you should probably not go meet someone at a bar. Yeah, but yeah. Drinking necessarily is not a hobby. But like, hey, I love riding bikes.

I love going to the park. I love trees. I love going to museums. I love going to, yeah. I love Mexico. I love Chinese food whatever find your hobbies and like actively go to those places and spark conversation and like meet people yeah don't go to places that are opposite of your hobbies or your lifestyle because you don't want to attract someone who's not a part of what you like it sounds so obvious

but you're right and I think getting involved like not just being a spectator in life but actually getting involved so if you're into video games like go to the next video game conference nearby you and like meet people maybe you'll meet your spouse but if you love dogs and you don't have a dog go to dog park it would be kind of creepy but maybe you'll find someone else there uh and also if you don't know what your hobbies are then think about what do you passion about what do you really love doing and if you can't answer that question sit down with people like your parents your friends your teachers your mentors and be like hey what is it that you think i'm good at what is it that you see me excel at or see me excited about so you have that's where it helps to really have a tight-knit community so get

involved in the things that you love doing your hobbies etc now huge huge like factor and tip when you're trying to meet someone is be open-minded and I learned this firsthand I was one of those very cliche girls who had my list and my exact type of person that I was looking for when I was young and dating and I remember if anybody came my way who didn't like a fit that type. I was like, oh, it's not going to work. And I was so close-minded when it came to opportunity that I turned down like the opportunity to meet a lot of really awesome people. And even after Anderan's first date, after Annery's first date, I was like, I don't know, he doesn't check every single box. But I was open-minded enough to give him another shot.

And then I was like, wow, he's actually better than like the list I put together yeah and i actually think there's something to the saying that to know is to love truly so as soon as you started understanding my quirks and my sense of humor and yes oh hey he's kidding when he talks about things like this or he's super serious and emotional when he does this super nerdy yeah then uh like you kind of can understand and build empathy for someone but are you already on to the next point yeah no i want to talk about how do you meet someone because this is where the internet actually people talk about oh social media destroys meaningful relationships that can but it can also really enhance and so if you view the internet as a way to find uh groups and find people to actually meet up with

in real life and enhance your real life i think it can be great so like there's the the internet has so many little sub communities and niche communities where it's if you like the harry potter book club dude in nashville what was it larping larping live action role play in In the park. Is it larking? Live action. No, I think it was LARP. It was like people with swords and shields, like would do sword fights.

Yeah. If you're into that, find a club. And you could find a club on the internet. So I think that that's a good way to approach the internet and not like, hey, this is where I'm going to, I'm going to date someone online that I've never met and don't have plans to meet for the next three years. I have some supporting statistics for online. online dating. Okay. I know we've kind of like doused it, but I do agree with what Andrew is saying.

Like there is definitely potential. You just have to be very intentional. There's over 5,000 dating sites and apps operating worldwide at this very moment. That's crazy. More than 32 million U.S. citizens are using dating apps. That's like almost 10%. Yeah. Over 70% of dating app users have had successful first dates.

Wow. like how they say first dates and not relationships women in their 20s receive the most messages and likes again I kind of read that as a red flag because it's like oh that's where people catfish I'm gonna post myself and pose myself as a female in their 20s

and I also think that's like probably older partners of varying ages thinking that's like the optimal spouse when yeah I don't want to get old with you, babe. I want to get all the year. Wait, I didn't get charged for my donut. It was free with this Tim's rewards points.

I think I just stole it. I'm a donut stealer. Earn points so fast, it'll seem too good to be true. Plus, join Tim's rewards today and get enough points for a free donut, drink, or timbits. With 800 points after registration, activation, and first purchase of a dollar or more, see the Tim's app for details at participating in restaurants in Canada for a limited time. the online dating is is i've i think it's amazing but it does leave room for manipulation and people to take advantage of you so as a pool of candidates grow so also does the uh potential mistrust so you just got to be on the lookout you hear horror stories you know yeah

people either getting catfish posing as people they're not or bad people that you meet up with in real life that are not good let's also like run through some checklist items if If you are single and you've never really done the online dating world before or a dating world in general, if you're going on a first date with someone you've never met, tell someone you're going, give them your location, don't take any, like, strange drinks from people, don't leave your drink at the table. Like, if you leave to go to the bathroom, and this is me being skeptical, but this is also me being a mom, if you're sitting with a date for the first. time okay and you get like a drink like cocktail or something and you get up to go to the bathroom order a new one when you come back i know it's more money but you need to do it that's so sad to me that people do bad things like spike drinks it is so sad but it's also a precaution that you need to take because people can be anybody on the internet yeah and you have to kind of start over when you

meet them in person and actually learn if you can trust them also probably meeting up in a public space like a restaurant. Don't go to their house. And don't go to a super remote rural area probably. Don't go for a walk in the middle of the woods. These are just our random thoughts. This is not planned.

But okay. So. I have another one. Okay. Let's be smart and not just like willingly throw out our address to people. On your first date with someone you've never met, let's not let them pick you up from your house.

Let's meet them there. Sean, this is something that I've grown in sensitivity towards just because Sean's background. she's had people who try to find the address, try to find that phone number, et cetera. So I actually probably think it's a good practice of for anybody. Absolutely. It's better to be cautious than sorry.

So how do you feel about, you know, our first day, you weren't immediately hooked, right? There is a, I'm going to put this out there and try to phrase it well. There's kind of a good enough threshold, right? like we all kind of have these lists whether you actually write them down or not of what you want in a spouse you kind of have expectations right and i think there's probably a point that you meet someone and you're like oh hey you know what they she had blonde hair and not dark brown like i wanted wow was that too close to home yeah and i really wanted dark brown to black hair and a bob and a bob

that's the weird I would say I would say this I think everybody deserves a second date unless there's like a blaring red flag that you cannot get over I think it's glaring but glaring blaring who's blaring like blaring glare it's glaring it's glaring it's glaring it's whatever I do think had I not given Andrew a second chance and I will say this after the first date. I was intrigued. There were like little things about him that like interested me and I thought were cute, but I just couldn't see it. I was like, I just don't know. And so I probably would have just been like, nah, pass, move on. But he kept pursuing me. And so I was like, fine, I'll go on a second date. And I literally fell in love with him on the second date. So I truly believe everybody deserves a second date unless there is a glaring issue that you cannot get over. When you first said that, I, disagreed with you was my instincts but i think i kind of agree with everyone deserved a second date well you also think too on your first date everyone's nervous everyone's trying to like show the other person what they think they want and i feel like your guard is kind of let down a little bit

more in your second date and you get to know someone a little bit better than you did on the first and so you get to know are we actually progressing forward or is this still just like a me yeah are you excited for the second date. Do you think there's truth to the saying don't judge a book by its cover? Yes. Absolutely. Yeah.

I think, Andrew and I've talked about us, I think you have to be physically attracted to someone. I don't think it has to be the most physically attractive person in the entire world because I think a personality will make someone more attractive. But I do believe don't judge a book by his cover is true.

I'm going to make an analogy here that the physical attraction is like the tip of the iceberg but the actual personality and getting to know someone is the meat of yes because like i'm so attracted to you now but it's more important than i'm actually interested in you i did not know what was coming there i know you did but i wasn't attracted to you when we first got together. No, I, uh, I. Let's finish that, but you were. This is so, the whole, the whole, hey, this is not my type of person, like hair color, height.

It's so annoying to me. Wow. No, I'm not talking about you specifically, dude. I know, babe. I don't have the hair color you wanted and I wasn't as tall as you wanted. It's kind of like this balance of, all right, she's short, but she's also like a pretty good athlete. So where does that? I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. But we each know people that have not even opened the door to the idea of dating because someone was too short. Yes. Or didn't not even, didn't like live the, let's just, I'll just say it. Like didn't make enough money that they, as much as they wanted. It was the fact that they weren't in the right career making that amount of money. And it's like there's little things where I feel like if you're being nitpicky like that with, I'm going to call them derivative issues, not the main point, it's going to be kind of tough for you to jump into a relationship with this person who's going to have so many issues, so many faults, and so many things wrong with them and be like, oh, hey, this is great.

I'm going to be really honest here. What? Okay? What? I want to talk about this issue. money issue because it drives me crazy. Okay. The height thing drives me crazy, but you take the... So, Andrew and I were in very, very different financial situations when we started dating. College kid. I was a college kid. Andrew was a college kid. I had had my entire Olympic career already.

You were a pro athlete for nine years. Yes. And I owned a home. I owned my own car. I paid my expenses to travel around the world. And again, Andrew was in college living in a dorm. And he just lived a very different lifestyle and I again was one of those girls that kind of grew up in society thinking oh you have to you have to find someone who's wealthy right so they can take care of you all these things but you're talking about like Hollywood that's the world that was telling you that's the Hollywood world which I hate because that was one of the first like not one of the first that was one of the reasons where I was like oh I don't know if this is going to work because I thought our lifestyles were so different but what

When I met you the second time, it was so apparent you had such a drive and such a like passion for challenges and you, you wanted to succeed in life, not necessarily even like with wealth or money of any kind, but you like, you had a drive to you. And it just told me that I know we're going to be okay in life. And I don't mean that financially. I just mean like perspective. We had we had the same goals of challenging ourselves. And I knew that, like, I related to that. And so in my mind, it wasn't even about money as it was matching personalities. And I think that's what connected us and ultimately showed me that there's something bigger than just looking for someone who has a paycheck.

You have to be at a certain phase, though, to not get caught up on things like that, like a certain level of maturity. You do. And to be blatantly honest, here, I was living in Hollywood. I had been on dates. we, I don't know if we, we've kind of talked about this on the podcast, I had been on dates with guys who did everything so lavishly, would pick you up in a really nice car and take you to the nicest restaurant and pay for the most expensive, whatever. And it all just seemed so superficial to me. So when I went on the first, I went, when I went on the second date with

Andrew in Nashville, every single thing he did was so intentional and genuine that it, it exceeded anything money could buy and I had never I had never seen someone be that intentional or genuine it was it was incredible and it didn't have to do with money I'm debating on doing a whole separate episode on my friend and the tragedy that's happened but it's not about the cars or the money or the height or the looks it's about purpose like that's just it it's like you were fine dating me even though i didn't have a job because you knew that we were always going to wake up together feeling purposeful and feeling excited about whatever was going on in our life and that's the most important thing that's it like do you feel like you're put here on the planet for a purpose

And are you walking down the path of actually fulfilling it? Which brings us to the next idea of when you go on the day, when you show up, you got to have confidence. And it's not like this arrogance. You don't want to be, that certainly is a turnoff when you're like, hey, I got everything figured out and this is me and look, I'm dope and look at my watch, stuff like that. It's like, it's having confidence that you're good enough, Sean, and like your humor is good enough. and this is all within the bounds of respectfulness this is all you know there's caveats like you're being thoughtful you're being respectful you're watching out for others you're not being gossipy yada yada but like you can have confidence in yourself i truly believe i've said this a thousand

times each and every one of you listening was put here on a planet for a reason and you are exceptionally qualified to do something or speak about something in a way that no one else can except for you and there's a certain confidence that you glean when you understand that and this is where faith and religion and whatever you want to call it spirituality comes in where it's like that kind of is the root of it for us but like do you think that that you matter and can make a difference and does your confidence come from that and having confidence in yourself when you're dating I think is so important because you have to have enough confidence in yourself to be treated the way you deserve.

If you don't have enough confidence. No, go ahead. If you don't have enough confidence in yourself, you're going to let yourself date someone, get in a relationship with someone that you aren't compatible with because if you don't feel like you're deserving or like you can attract someone,

then you probably can't. Because if you're not, is this making sense? No, 100%. I do think, though, like some people feel entitled to like oh hey you know you're not good enough for me i don't mean it like that i just mean from yeah i think i think if you have insecurities about your worth you're going to let yourself be taken advantage of not in a physical way just in just in like in a sense of oh if this is the only person i can get to love me yeah yeah yeah then you're devaluing yourself to actually find a person

and you love to spend life with. Dang, dude. Preach, girl. I pray that no one out there does that, you know? I did. Dang. That was one of my biggest fears in getting out of a long-term relationship was I didn't know if someone else was out there that could love me.

Dang. It sounds very dramatic and depressing, but I think it's insecurities that a lot of people have. Like, what if there's no one else? that's crazy and if you felt that I can't like I can imagine that

other people also feel that there is some qualities though when you meet someone back to first impressions confidence does create a tractomness

I think or it's like hey no this person and it goes back to knowing what you want out of life like being confident in that and being able to speak about what you're excited about and being confident, like, hey, I'm putting myself out there that Sean might think that me being super into Harry Potter

is dorky and dweeby. But I'm confident enough to know that I love that and I'm not going to hide that. And that's not just confidence. This is another huge bullet point we have, which is above all, be yourself because that is more than enough. And if you're on a date with someone who doesn't,

who makes fun of and rejects the fact that you love Harry Potter and they're like convicted with that that's not your person that's not someone you want to spend the rest of your life with it if they can't support your quirks and your hobbies and your passions that's not someone you want to partner with yeah and by support you don't necessarily mean like coddle that no it could be like hey Sean's into it and I can make fun of her in a loving way about that like that could be supporting where it's like I'm I totally want to give you space and time to pursue that passion yes I can also make fun of you for sure like that's just how it manifests in some relationships you want someone who loves you for you and supports you for you and no they don't have to share in the same

hobbies or interest they don't have to love Harry Potter I love that this is Harry Potter because I'm a Harry Potter tweet um they don't have to love Harry Potter but they want to they need to support the fact that you love it and I will tell you this firsthand because I I made this mistake as well in relationships. It is beyond exhausting being someone you're not. Whether it is how you act, what you wear, what you listen to, what you read, your hobbies, your interests. If you're trying to put on a facade that you are someone different than you are, you're going to hit a point where you're just tired of it. Yeah.

In the long run, you don't want to have to play a role. No, that was the first thing Andrew and I did when we started dating because we both came out of relationships where we changed who we were for the other person. when we first started dating, we were like, you know what, I'm just going to be up front, I'm going to be who I am. And if this doesn't work, it doesn't work. But it made it refreshing because we both knew that we weren't being fake. Yeah. This episode of a couple things is also brought to you by Element. I'm obsessed with the new company that we have partnered with and cannot believe that more people don't know about them. Well, tell them about it, babe. Element is a tasty electrolyte drink mix with everything that you need and nothing that you don't. It contains science-backed

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We'll link it down below. Oh, hi, buddy. Who's the best? You are. I wish I could spend all day with you instead. Uh, Dave, you're off mute. Hey Happens to the best of us

Enjoy some goldfish cheddar crackers Goldfish have short memories Be like goldfish Were you ever scared to like go on a date with me? Absolutely I was super scared to ask you on a date Really? But there is

And this is the whole beautiful thing about relationships You have to put yourself out there a little bit And like it's uncomfortable You kind of just got to embrace that I also want to say making bold moves Kind of like asking someone on a date Stop listening to the world Who says that girls can't ask guys out

And you can't respond within the first 24 out Like all these dumb things You can't text multiple times Don't listen to it If that's who you are and that's what you want to do Do it Stop trying to play the games I kind of see differently on this

I know this is this episode Has brought out some different of perspectives. I don't think like the whole, hey, this is who you are. Like, there are some parts of me that I don't need, like, that should not be shared or I should not pursue. Like, there's some, it's not all about me being me. What are these parts of you?

I'm just saying, like, selfishness. It's like, hey, this is just you. But you see what I'm saying? There's a line to that logic. There is a line to it. But. And I also think being aware of what situation is, like, can, you. Contextually, if you come up, sorry, if I come from a super traditional family where it's like super weird if a girl asked me on a date and you want to ask me on a date, I don't know.

I'm not saying don't do it. And you're probably not compatible. I'm just saying you got to be aware of the context. And there's a process to that that looks different than Sean just asking me on a date. I'm just saying, don't play the games. Just be up front. Yeah. I do think being bold, though, is good.

And had I not sent you eight texts in a row without response? Point made. What? You're saying a girl probably shouldn't ask a guide on a date if it's a whatever. Everybody in the world would say don't send eight texts in a row, but you did it. I knew the context. That I would accept it? This chick doesn't respond to text messages.

All of your best friends to this day could still testify that. I don't respond to text. I knew the context. So it was like, oh, it's not me badgering her or being overly tough. It's like, no, she's just not responding. But that's specific to us. Anyway, here are some other interesting stats. 28 is the average age people meet their spouse, according to the modern gentleman.

So if you're younger than that, there's hope. And if you're older than that, there's hope. were you going to give the next one or you want me to all right 94% of females believe in true love while only 88% of men do also I was hesitant to read these because I don't want these to be discouraging to people no it's these are just average statistics if you are outside of this that does not mean anything the average number of relationships before marriage um for men is six and five for women sorry what yeah the average what Number of relationships before marriage.

Okay. What do you think of it? I don't know. I was super confused. Don't be discouraged. We know people who have gotten married at age 38, who've gotten married at age 45. 64.

Don't get discouraged. There is hope. I think if you continue to pursue your passion and your purpose and you're confident in that, then if it is, if you want to marry, if you want to find a spouse, they're probably out there. Not to say that you're going to get married, like that. It's just not in the card for some people.

But it could happen. So don't give up the hope. Don't give up. They're out there. Have fun with it. Challenge yourself. Be bold. Be who you are.

And, yeah. Dating is a fun, it's a phase that you don't get back. We can't date now. We don't get the pleasure of meeting strangers. We get to date each other every single day. Yes, different, though. It's different. It is.

So enjoy it. Thank you for listening to this. I hope you enjoyed it. Hope you found value from it. We'd love to hear feedback. Please subscribe this show. Rate it if you made it this far along. And we'll see you back next week.

That's all we got. I'm Andrew. I'm Sean. We're the East fam. Out.