Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 11 Love Languages

Episode Date: March 4, 2020

Today in episode 11 of Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew, we sit down and talk with you guys about our love languages. We always ask our guests what their love languages are on our podcast, so we thought it was about time we walked you through ours. We are big fans of learning your partners love language, and we do our best to walk through why it's important to us. We even go so far as to talk through a few of the questions we found interesting on the quiz & how we answered them. Give the quiz a try, and let us know how you like it!  Find out your love language here! https://www.5lovelanguages.com/  And most importantly, thank you to Meghann for submitting this video concept - we loved this idea!  If you haven't yet, please rate and subscribe to the show to hear more! And if you have suggestions/recommendations for the show, send us your ideas in a video format - we might just choose yours! Email us at [e-mail].  We are supported by the following AMAZING companies! Make sure to check them out using our special code & link below!  ButcherBox! For FREE ground beef for life, go to https://www.butcherbox.com/COUPLE or enter promo code COUPLE at checkout. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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quick let's just go and absolutely not no I'm just try to see if it's even I don't like you that much yet are you reading the same thing no you always you always you always you always had live what's up everybody welcome back to couple things with Sean and Andrew podcast all about couples and the things they go through we are excited for today's episode we've been getting a lot of requests for people to clarify what it is when we ask the other couples we interview what their love language is so today we're going to be talking about love languages what ours are and why we think they're important but before we get into it if you guys wouldn't mind rating the show and subscribing to it on whatever platform

you're listening that really helps us out and we love hearing your feedback as well so the idea for for this video came from a lot of you in the comments. And also Megan, who submitted a video wanting to learn more about love languages. So let's hear from her. Hey East Pham, my name is Megan. I was hoping that you guys would do a podcast on love languages. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years now

and we have very different love languages. But I was curious to hear your opinions on how these different communication styles can affect your relationship. Thank you, Megan. Are you ready to jump into this? Let's do it. And disclaimer guys, this is gonna be a good episode

for Andrew and I, because I am really spicy today. And by spicy, she means angry. I'm just full of sass. Sometimes I feel like that's your love language, man. It is. Anger. I am a mom that has a lot going on, and today is one of those days.

You, to your credit, do have a lot going on. I do. And you know whose fault that is? Sometimes that's my fault. Yeah. So, like today, I love you. You scheduled a few extra meetings that have made today real busy. but we're here now holding hands and you still love me I think no I do want to talk about

that though because with love languages I think it's a great topic for our situation because it's in situations like this if you truly don't know each other's love language which I took the test and I actually am not the love language that I thought neither am I if you don't know it and you don't know how to help out your spouse it just makes all the situations worse it amplifies the problem you could say yes before we talk into what before we jump into what our love languages are though yeah i want to talk about why we think it's an important question to ask other couples what their love languages yeah i think it's important i mean one i'm always curious to hear what people like different people's love languages are but i also think it's like a test in a suit like a interesting way to

see how well they know each other's love language and if they do if they don't You know, people, it's not like your relationship is bad if you don't know. Yeah. But it's just a challenge because you're technically asking your significant other, how best can I love you? Do I know that answer? And if you don't, you should. I think it's, I think it's a really unique thing to reveal about someone. So that's why like, you know, a lot of these people are personalities that people see on TV or online, wherever.

But asking someone with their love language is is like a very unique thing. to be revealed and I feel like it's I feel like it's kind of intimate you could say you know so I like that question for that reason but I will say in general you know what's funny sorry to interrupt you say two words so funny and like interesting how it catches me off guard every time intimate intimate yeah you get rid of the tea I don't know intimate it's and then the word m I are a C-L-E what am I am miracle you say a miracle miracle a miracle it's a true miracle i'm like what are you saying apparently i say pistachio pistachio funny too hold on how do you say it and i'm all messed up shoot now you're

my head pastasia look now you're smiling babe this is the first time i know i see those pearly whites i know i will say in general i'm pretty skeptical when it comes to these like tests zodiacs andiograms yeah you're against all of them i am and that includes just like you said enneagram. Explain to the people why you're against that no. Can I just say one feedback that we get a lot is us talking over each other. So that's already happened a couple of times here. Just for future reference.

I'll stop now. Anyway, the Indyagram is included in that. The Zodiac is included in that. I would say the love language is an example of one of these tests that kind of just puts people in these broad buckets of classifications. And I'm not a fan of that because as cheesy as it may sound, I just don't think that you can you can dilute a person down to like X amount of qualities like the Enneagram.

Oh, you're an eight sweet. So that means X, Y, and Z about you. Well, that's not necessarily true. Or my love language, which will reveal here shortly, it's not just that, you know. I just think that the value these tests provide are one, a first. framework that you can talk about personalities about like talk about personalities with or a way to kind of think about a problem so hey how do you express love well there's here's five different ways to do it and your tendency is this one specifically does that make sense so i don't think it's

like the gospel of here's the one way to do it and here's the one way i can speak to your heart no however I think Zodiacs, enneagrams, love languages can tell you a lot about yourself, about tendencies. If you tend to be more like an eight or a gift giver or Capricorn,

then there is enough information out there that can help kind of guide you to be a better person in those tendencies. I do think some people read it as the gospel, but I do think it teaches you, like, it can teach you a lot about yourself. I think that's true. Wendy's most important deal of the day has a fresh lineup. Pick any two breakfast items for $4. New four piece French toast sticks, bacon or sausage wrap, biscuit or English muffin sandwiches, small hot coffee and more. Limited time only at participating Wendy's taxes

extra. Here's why we think love languages are cool because One, it helps you get one step closer to showing appreciation and love for your significant other, which is really important. But then it also reveals a source of possible frustration. So if you're like really not feeling loved by revealing what you're by learning what your love language is, I can better understand why you might feel frustrated like that and have a potential solution. So. Well, and I also think something that we learned with love languages is,

I think by default, whatever your love language is is how you try to love your significant other. That's what we like fall back into the rhythm of doing. However, your significant other's love language could be completely different or opposite from yours. And if you don't actively try and remember, I have to show him love in a different way that I want to receive.

I could be loving you like as much as I'm, capable of, but if it's not in your language, you aren't going to receive it. So you could still feel unloved, even though I'm trying so hard. How frustrating would that be, by the way? I feel like that happens a lot too. I feel like it happens a lot with us. We even go through like phases where we get frustrated and distant from each other because we feel unloved, even though we're trying really hard. That's what I was about to say. But we get into points where we will have these conversations and we're like, I feel unloved right now. Yeah.

And you or I will be like, what are you talking about? I've been doing all this stuff. And it's like, well, if that's not how you receive love, it doesn't feel like you're being shown that someone loves you. Do you feel loved at this point in your life? I do. You do? I'm just mad today.

I got you. I'm sorry. I don't want to hold your hand. Okay. I'm kidding. I would love to hold your hand. Anyways. That was a funny joke.

Thanks. um before you took the test yeah what did you think your love language was so brief overview there are five different love languages and just like sean alluded to the language that you receive and how you feel loved can be different than the language that you need to give to your partner does that make sense so the five love languages are acts of service yes words of affirmation quality time quality time physical touch and gifts yes so of those going into the test which i'd never taken before and you guys should know receiving gifts receiving gifts yeah good point uh the link for this test is in the description down below we have a bunch of links down there for you guys

in every episode so always make sure you check that it is a really short quiz so you should try I mean, it's easy. It's 30 questions and it's not like super philosophical or deep. You're just going to rip through it. But I thought that I thought that my love language, how I received loved, would have been quality time and physical touch. And I would have said the same. Really? You didn't think it was going to be words of affirmation for you?

No. I thought you were going to be words of affirmation. I don't know what yours is from your test. I thought I was going to be quality time and physical touch. And you weren't that. I was not. I was not. Yeah.

What would you have guessed for me? I thought you were going to be quality time and words of affirmation. Really? Yeah. Funny. Yeah. We don't know each other at all. This is what I tried to, well, this is what I tried to do because some of the questions.

No wonder I'm mad today. You don't know me at all, Andrew. true. I tried to really put myself in the situation. The questions were kind of cheesy. I felt like, like, oh, I know exactly which category this is applying to. But as I thought about like, oh, it's more meaningful to me. That's how all the phrases, all the questions were kind of phrased. I was like trying to picture myself on Christmas morning or in scenarios where you left me a note or when you came home and gave me a hug, like actually trying to put myself in the situation. And wow, how did I, how did I, how did I, how did I, did that spark joy? boy to reference Marie Kondo. I also think your love languages can change based on the phases of life you're in. Yeah. Because I kept reading a lot of these questions and thinking, like, I'm a mom now and there are so much stuff to get done.

Oh, if I came home and all the bottles were cleaned, I would feel so loved. Like, and that's different than before a kid where we had nothing to do in life. Then it doesn't seem like we had anything to do. Nothing. Like, what did we do before, kid? what did we do with time anyways so without further ado are you ready i'm ready i have a feeling we are the same okay this will be interesting ready on the count three no name your first one okay access service is mine access service i was nine i was eight really yeah my second one was receiving gifts

i was an eight what you i know mr don't ever buy me a gift yes really yes good interesting i know this is this is good self-discovery for you and me it is happening live mine was quality time really that's that one's the worst if you ask me i'm kidding i'm kidding that was not a funny that is not a funny joke i heard someone say that joke and i repeated it and i regretted it immediately you should the joke was that's the one that takes the most time and effort yes so that's why it's you know the worst one but that joke dies here today yeah that is not how you i saw that i figured quality time would be your second one what what would you say what was your third one was physical touch really mine was quality time i got five really yeah i had a six

for your third one oh so you were a little bunch together i was eight seven six five four wow and then i had words of affirmation. Mm-hmm. Physical touch was my fourth. And then I had receiving gifts. That's surprising to me. Well, huh.

Yes, and I thought receiving gifts is going to be higher because I love being surprised by little gifts. I remember when we were dating something that meant so much to me and it was so little. I was living in my apartment. You were still

you're finishing your master's degree and every night the only time we had to hang out was after like eight or nine o'clock at night you would come over for a few hours and every night you would bring over a bag of my favorite apples like you would stop by the grocery store and pick up like two or three apples and it was the sweetest thing or you would always come with flowers and I loved like it made me feel so special it's funny because from my perspective I would bring these apples all the time because you said they're your favorite you love them you said like when you come home from traveling you just love to have something healthy like an

apple so i got you these apples but you never ate them yes i did then i was like then i was like well i did have a roomie i think you were seeing her apples because i ate honey crisp apples literally every day okay this is really i'm glad we're having this conversation you know what is interesting though i think one of the reasons why receiving gifts is my lowest i like receiving gifts i'm just a bad gift receiver if that makes sense yeah i don't know why but anytime people get me a gift i get like uncomfortable like i don't know how to express my gratitude i love giving gifts oh my gosh i love giving gifts i think you're one of the best gift givers i've ever been around thank you're so thoughtful i love like the wrapping process and i want to make it personal and like this whole experience i love that

but you know it's funny i feel like what holds you back from giving more gifts is you're a perfectionist about it. Yeah. If you can't have the exact wrapping paper that you want with the bow that fits it perfectly. If I can't wrap a gift, I'm not giving it to you. I think that's something you could maybe work on because you have a lot of good gifts to give it. Is this what this podcast is about? You're going to tell me what I need to work on. Give me more gifts. Really. But yes, acts of service was my number one. And I really never thought that was one of my love languages. I think that's changed since having Drew just because every day I can feel so overwhelmed with like I need to do this and that and this and that and I need to be here on this time and there can

just be so much to do in a day and it gets be so easy for both of us to look at each other and be like, why didn't you do this? Why couldn't you have helped me? So coming home and seeing bottles washed or laundry done or whatever makes me feel very love because it makes me be it makes me feel like I've been seen. Funny thing about Sean when she gets really frustrated and mad I think at me or maybe not at me, she goes into like ultra cleaning mode. So, you know, we might have had a pile of laundry sitting out for two weeks, but when she gets this certain type of mad, she'll like all of a sudden start cleaning everything up. She'll get super frustrated that why do we have laundry sitting out? I'm like, it's been there for two weeks. What are we doing?

Everything just like compilers. Yes. I also, that is something that I learned growing up though. my mom is just the most amazing like organized alphabetizes stuff the house is clean 100% of the time and I think I got it from her where she she can't feel relaxed unless things are clean and put in place so like if I don't have a super crazy life at like in a phase and things seem organized in my life I can come home to clutter and feel fine but as soon as my life starts feeling like chaos if i don't have my house put together and cleaned then i just feel like i'm going to jump off the edge i want to do an interview with your parents so it's probably not good for me to say did you say jumping off of something i did okay yeah we can

we can uh maybe remove that yeah maybe but i want to interview your parents because i think the context of what you were used to growing up and what your parents did for you i has a lot to do with how you feel love and how you express love. Yeah. So I think that'd be a fun episode, don't you? I do. Yeah. We just have to convince them to do it.

Yeah, I know. That's going to be some work. You know, a love language that I think is interesting, where was words of affirmation for you again? Last. Which is crazy. You're a man. All you want is affirmed.

But I think it's really interesting. It almost seems like, like, I feel as if men have like this, oh, he wasn't told that he was loved enough and he wasn't told that someone was proud of him enough. That's been really sad. Oh, I don't feel that, but I feel like a lot of people do. I think in our situation, thank you, I love you. I love you. In our situation, we almost say I love you too much. Is that weird to say?

You do. You think I do? Yes. So much so that it dilutes the punch of it, you know? Do you know something you do? Huh. You never say the words, I'm sorry. You replace it with I love you.

You'll do something and I'll get mad or whatever. And you're always like, I love you. I'm like, just say I'm sorry, okay? You say I'm sorry about 7,000 times a day. I know. I say I'm sorry too much. You say I love you too much. I mean, that sounds terrible that I'm saying that.

It's amazing. But yes, anything can be diluted. I'm sorry I can be diluted because I say it. so much so that when I am actually apologetic and sincere you don't believe me what a conundrum that is what how do we get out of that hole how about I say I love you more and you say I'm sorry more it's interesting I'm sitting here thinking I feel like I say I'm sorry all the time but one of my friends said this and I think it's really good advice if you're significant other gives you feedback it's really important to actually take that to heart and listen to it because

they spend more time with you than anybody else and they probably have a better perspective on things on some things than you do of yourself so so you're saying I'm right so you're saying I probably not say I'm sorry enough and I'll have to think about that and really do some introspection actually to see if I'm right or not Grocery shopping? Cha-ching. Ordering food? Cha-ching.

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Cha-ching. Then, redeem your points on gift cards from over 200 brands. Your idea of rewarding happens here. Conditions apply. Visit RBC.com slash Ion Cards. no no i will say this and again every couple has their things and you notice certain things about each other you say i'm sorry and you come across very apologetic you see me you hear me you listen to what i like need to say and you're very sincere but it's just funny how like you can get

hooked onto things and it goes back to the languages sometimes we have to hear specific things we need certain words we need body language we need you know everyone needs different things but you always say i love you and it's it's you are saying i'm sorry so it's beautiful and i shouldn't be complaining because you look me in the eye and you're like babe i love you like i apologize and but it's weird how in receiving it, I feel like in my girl way of thinking, because girls are crazy, I'm like, oh, he's just, he's not accepting that he did something, you know, wrong. So he's avoiding saying, I'm sorry. So he's just going to say, I love you, which is wrong.

Don't say girls are crazy. But it's, it's, I know it's a flaw by me, but it's weird. We all have those things. But I think in addressing those things with your significant other, you can make, it might sound crazy to you to be like you actually need to hear the words I'm and sorry like that can sound crazy but if you acknowledge those and like try to voice those to your significant other it can make your relationship a lot better there's some questions on here that we thought were yeah you ready to walk through those yes I don't have them pulled up you don't

well let me pull them up babe because I got them right here um so one of there's 30 questions. We picked out five that we thought were of interest. And one of them was it's more meaningful to me when I spend alone time with my partner, just the two of us, or my partner does something practical for me to help out. I thought this one is interesting because I'm clingy and I love just being in the same room with you. Like we don't have to be doing anything at all. We don't have to be talking. I just want to be near you. And you're the complete opposite. it you it's stressing me out when we're just when we're just there not doing anything we'll be sitting in the same room like on computers he's like what i i i got to go in my office i need to get

away no i think i'm more of an introvert than you are i think you're more shy than i am but i think i'm more of an introvert so i like to have my you recharge with your alone time yes i think that's interesting yeah do you agree with me or no that you're more of an introvert yeah we're around people all the time you're such a people person though i'm not it i love it i love talking to strangers and getting to know people but you recharge when you're alone yeah which is very introverted yeah i think this is my favorite thing about the love language is quiz is you should do it with your significant other in the same room go through it and stuff but talk through the questions because it just brings out so many like situations that you haven't thought through and you could be

doing it completely wrong for your significant other and you're like wow i didn't know sitting next to you andrew gave you anxiety and i will try not to be near you as much just because the quiz is a little cheesy doesn't mean that it's not really good so yeah just like sean said pull the value out of it that's there but okay here's a hypothetical though so i get recharged around you you don't so how If situations like this arise for people, how did they fix it? I think it's just like, hey, we're going to have together time, but I also need a little of alone time. Makes sense. You're getting into this.

You repositioned. You're like facing me. My hip started hurting. Okay. Well, my body language is telling you that I like you again. Yeah. Hmm. Not for long.

I'm kidding. It's more meaningful to me when my partner puts his or her arm around me in public or my partner surprises me with a gift. Uh, PDA. Here's the thing. I am not big on like receiving material items, but what the gifts that mean a ton to me are like a handwritten note, even if it's like on a paper towel or lipstick on the mirror, whatever that is. I don't like PDA. I love the little notes and stuff.

I love that. But I also, I love PDA. That's so. weird to me. I think it's maybe an insecurity. I should probably go to therapy for it and figure out why but there's something to me

about your significant other wanting to publicly show their love for you that brings me security and confidence within our relationship. Even while dating or just in marriage?

Yeah. See Now I'm not saying you should be out in public you know sucking tongues when you put it like that yeah nothing but we practice that real quick let's just go

absolutely not no I'm just try to see if it's even I don't like you that much yet gross I'm not saying I encourage that especially dating but I think there's something beautiful about not being

embarrassed or feel ashamed to show the love or the affinity you have for someone. As long as you're married. I just think, look, no, I just think

if you're out, if you're out in public and you make out with your girlfriend, whoever that may be at the time, maybe you have 10 different girlfriends and then it's like the, just the value of it decreases. You have 10 different girlfriends at the same time? Huh?

You have 10 different girlfriends at the same time? No, but over time. It's not diminishing returns because I think, I think some of the most beautiful love you can have in your life is the love that you, like, isn't your forever love. It's what teaches you what true love is. So if you're dating someone and you love them, I don't think it's okay for you not to be, like,

to feel like you can't be proud and show the world that you love them. This is really interesting because I don't think I'm right here necessarily. It's like more of a preference. I'm not saying that PDA is discussing generally, but it's like, I hold your hand and want to kiss you in public, but it's because it's like you're my, like, we're together forever and I know that it's like, it's like more special to me because we're married. I don't know. That's just my preference. I get it. I don't get it. But like I enjoy that you are trying to explain it. Yeah. I just think it's different. I do. I think it's different too. We probably view it. I'm more conservative generally than you are. Is that fair to say? Yeah.

The third question we thought was good was it's more meaningful to me when we kiss frequently or I sense my partner showing interest in things that I care about. I kind of lean towards kiss more frequently. Yeah. It means a ton to me when you're stubborn. had this conversation yesterday you don't want to do things that you don't want to do or actually you won't do things that you don't want to do so when i am like reading a book come on bring you know it oh it's fine and i'm i'm i acknowledge this the other day i am being

un i mean unmeasurably stubborn with this and i don't know why but he's been wanting me to like just read read books and i'm it started out cute and now you're like read your freaking book and i'm like i don't want to you know you just dig your heels in even deeper i do i do and it's a flaw um i would say kiss more frequently just because i think it's healthy to have independent interest and i don't think your partner needs to be like oh teach me everything about gymnastics you know but I think acknowledging that person's interest I mean like babe I know you love gymnastics and I know gymnastics is on tonight

you should watch it you know Yep I'm just thinking I just feel like I've watched a lot of gymnastics You've asked Yeah you haven't asked to watch football I respect your passion Hey that's not true I asked you teach me all the rules about football

And that meant a lot So thank you. It's meaningful to me when my partner doesn't check his or her phone while we're talking or my partner goes out of his or her way to do something to relieve pressure for me. It means a ton of me when you don't check your phone.

I think that active listening is like one of my favorite things and can make all the world difference. Funny. Because I don't do it much. You don't do it much. Because it's huge for me when I have your undivided attention. But it's very difficult to get. I'm sorry about that.

Do you forgive me? Me too. I'm sorry, yes. It is interesting. Back to the kissing one, it definitely changes the different phases you go through because like the first six weeks after we had Drew and the six weeks leading up, you know, it's just like a time where there's not a lot of physical touch.

And it was like, I felt distant from you because of that. So then it was like, well, I would really appreciate a cuddle every once in a while, you know? Yeah. Anyway, this was really good. This was really good. I appreciate you putting this episode together, babe. You did a fantastic job.

Thanks, babe. And if I could learn about you. So, if you guys haven't done Love Language quiz yet, try it out. Talk to your significant other about it. This is not an ad, by the way. just truly love this site um let us know your thoughts comment down below if you think you know we're on the right track if you like pda if there's certain things that your significant other could do differently such as like the i'm sorry versus i love you are there certain things that like

you need to hear yeah let us know now i now i have a little better way i loving you babe i am curious what you guys think of these generalization tests, these classification tests in general. Let us know if you want us to do an Enneagram podcast. Yeah. But if you haven't yet, make sure you give this show a rating and subscribe to it on whatever platform you're listening to. Make sure you check the links down below if you want to take the quiz yourself and learn more about any of the sponsors or fun things that we have going on.

We link it all. And this week is really big. We're actually going to MIT. Sean's doing a panel discussion. We're doing a live podcast up there with a really exciting. exciting guests. I cannot wait. Yeah.

And then we're also interviewing, we're interviewing multiple people while we're at MIT. Yeah. All super, super exciting names that were, it's, they're going to be fun interviews. I can't wait. It'll be great. So anyway, that's all we got for you. This is the East Fam out. Thank you.