Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 119 | things i wish i knew before planning a wedding

Episode Date: June 15, 2022

In this episode we touched on a much-requested topic- things we wish we knew before planning a wedding! Wedding planning can be stressful, but it doesn't have to be! Looking back, I wish we had thought about these things before planning ours. We are sponsored by Athletic Greens ▶ Athletic Greens Is going to give you a FREE 1-year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase. All you have to do is visit athleticgreens.com/eastfam. Follow My Instagram ▶ http://www.instagram.com/ShawnJohnson Like the Facebook page! ▶ http://www.facebook.com/ShawnJohnson Follow My Twitter ▶ http://www.twitter.com/ShawnJohnson Snapchat! ▶ @ShawneyJ Follow AndrewsTwitter ▶ http://www.twitter.com/AndrewDEast Follow My Instagram ▶ http://www.instagram.com/AndrewDEast Like the Facebook page! ▶ http://www.facebook.com/AndrewDEast Snapchat! ▶ @AndrewDEast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When you're with Amex Platinum, you get access to exclusive dining experiences and an annual travel credit. So the best tapas in town might be in a new town altogether. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Terms and conditions apply. Learn more at Amex.ca. dot c a slash ymx what's up everybody welcome back to a couple things with sean and andrew a podcast all about couples and the things they go through exciting news we're getting married that's right no exciting

news it is wedding season though it is i didn't know there was such a thing i thought like weddings happened all year do most weddings happen in the summer yes gotcha gotcha you ever heard the june bride saying June bride it's like a thing I think June is the hot that's the I haven't heard of this I think it's weird that you've heard of it June bride maybe yeah how many wedding magazines I feel weird now thank you you made me feel um we are yes we are in wedding season whatever that is but we are in wedding season and we wanted to talk to you guys about I'm preparing for a wedding we learned everything the hard way because we planned our own wedding we paid for a wedding and

and went through the whole wedding thing. So what better way to talk about weddings than a married couple? I just found this. Wedding season is considered to be May through October, but the most popular time to get married is summer, okay? May through October is basically the whole year. It's not true. Yes, it is.

Oh my gosh. You don't know anything about time. Wedding season is considered to be all year. All right. Anyway, we've gotten a lot of requests on a couple things in the Instagram account about the wedding. topic people wanting us to talk about our experience some of the things we learn so that's what we're going to do and we have a ton of weddings coming up ourselves i got brothers cousins friends we're going to like five weddings this year and i think especially since

covid like we're out of we're getting out of the covid um kind of block everybody who pushed their weddings off because of covid or had COVID delays are now doing it all this year so we've already been to three weddings and we have like five more this year that's right so this is our episode on things we wish we knew before planning our wedding before we get started if you haven't yet please subscribe to the show and give it a rating on whatever platform you're listening on also based off the feedback from the last episode with josh peck we are going to resume our normal format with further interviews so thank you for your patience we like to try out new things including for those who aren't listening but are watching we have microphone covers yeah why not it's the small

things in life but yeah this makes me feel pretty legit and if you're listening and not watching jump on over to youtube take a little peek for us tell us if you like the the little covers here and then you can jump back to your podcast listening you ready to dive in this let's do it all right so we planned our wedding in 2015 and 2016 yes that's actually how we started our YouTube channel it is would you describe the whole process reflecting on it as either easy or stressful? I think it can be easy. I think people try to make it stressful.

What do you mean? No. I mean so many things by that. So as soon as you proposed and we got into the whole like, let's plan a wedding. What I did is I went and bought one of those off the stand magazines that had a checklist of like make sure you go through all these checklists. You reserve these vendors. You find a location.

You put together your lists of people that you want. all of these things and what I learned in every single article and magazine that I read is like there's this standard expectation that weddings have to look a certain way and have certain things in them and I think it's because of those like stereotypes and those like expectations that people put on weddings that make it stressful because if you go buy the book it tends to be more expensive than you planned and if you ever go to like a vendor or caterer and you're like I want to book you for a wedding if you even use the word wedding they like jack up the price uh the wedding industry so what i mean by it could be easy is like if you throw all of that out the window and just

do it the way you want and make it like non-traditional in whatever aspect that is you can like make it your dream event and it still be your wedding so you're saying everyone has these expectations for weddings being large being like the best day of your life yeah and if you break outside of that expectation and actually think of a wedding as just like a fun event that you get to do then yeah that'll help you out or like a fun event that represents you guys as a couple for let me give you an example so our wedding we hired our i hired a wedding planner because I got so overwhelmed by like these checklists and she was like okay you need to have like appetizers when people get there you have to have like a full sit down seven course meal you have to

do a thank you gift for people you have to have going away like um dessert treat you also have to have your cake all of these things and I was like whoa whoa what do you mean I have to like have all of these I was like I don't eat that much food I don't think anybody else does and she goes well it's just like the way people do it and I was like what and so through like talking I was like that's not how we're going to do it we're going to do it a different way I'm not going to pay for someone to have like a takeaway meal because they get hungry at 2 a.m and they stay that like stay that late I'm just not going to do that and I think if you kind of rewrite the script and just do it do an event the way you want it it makes it more fun there are I mean it's great to say I love the perspective and I do

feel like people lose the forest through the trees as you said they lose side of the big picture of like hey this would actually be a pleasant experience and like I should look back on this with fond memories but there are so many layers of complications like your parents

like the event itself is larger than just the vows if you will that's why I get so frustrated with weddings is because it is not you're not putting on an event event for other people.

I think that's where people get so turned around in the wedding experience is they're like, oh, but my mom wants it this way. And my aunt really wants to bring her friends because they've been talking about watching us getting married. And, oh, I need to wear a certain thing or whatever it. No, it is the union of you guys, like you and your spouse. And you're inviting people to come celebrate that. But that's the new age way of thinking it.

There is the traditional side where it's like, we were kind of in charge of our wedding. Yeah. But a lot of people, it's like the parents are in charge. I disagree with that. No, no, the parents are in charge. Just like a lot of, most, just from a financial perspective. What are you, 16 getting married?

I'm just saying there's, it's, I love your perspective, but there's a balance. Anyway, let's. Wait, I didn't get charged for my donut. It was free with this Tim's rewards points. I think I just stole it. I'm a donut stealer. Ooh. Earn points so fast, it'll seem too good to be true. Plus, join Tim's rewards today and get enough points for a free donut, drink, or timbits.

With 800 points after registration, activation, and first purchase of a dollar or more. See the Tim's app for details at participating in restaurants in Canada for a limited time. Do you remember having fun planning your wedding? I did. I really had a lot of fun. It did get stressful because I felt like I was negotiating with so many people. on what our day was going to look like, which is exactly like what we're arguing about now. I get very, very stubborn when people start telling me what to do.

And when people were starting to tell me you have to do this, or you have to have that, or you have to invite these people, I started feeling very overwhelmed by, this is not your day. This is me and Andrew's day. Is the correct term for that of Bridezilla? Probably. Probably.

You were not at all, by the way. Super thankful. for that but there's you know dozens of vendors that you use for food for flowers for the music for the dishes for the tables and it is i mean it's a tough talking about negotiating yeah you have a vision for like hey i want this to look like this but then the negotiating happens when it's like okay well love the vision it looks good on paper here's what we can actually do in real life yeah so then it's like that whole process of waning down the vision to what can actually be done anyway we also did use a wedding planner which here's my thing just before we jump into this topic easy i think that any

i think a wedding planning planning that industry and i think of like the real estate industry and what logic does it make for them to get paid more money the more money that i spend so they have zero incentive they have no incentive to like help me manage costs yeah because the more I spend the more they make yeah I just doesn't add up in my mind I will say this about wedding planners there are wedding planners out there that aren't commission based they're they have flat fees and there are also instead of wedding planners there are day of managers which I think are so helpful wedding planners I would say that's kind of up to you guys based on how big, based on how hands-on you want to be.

But a day of manager is basically a wedding manager or event manager who's going to show up and make sure the caterers are there on time. And whatever it is you may have, they just take care of it. So the bride and the groom don't actually have to, like, be handing out logistics to people who are running your operation. So the bride can actually sit back and, like, almost a moment. I would highly recommend a day of manager. Whereas a wedding planner walks you through the whole checklist of getting everything taken care of, like, and making sure you're on track for the timing.

Which I do think there are so many incredible, like, outlets and resources that are virtual wedding planners or lists. There's someone like Zola, there's some on the knot.com. There's, like, there's a bunch of online, quote, unquote wedding planning I don't know apps and things you can use lexia are using a wedding planner day of coordinator exactly lexie's using a day of coordinator yeah um getting married in a couple months how much do you feel like we let friends and family make decisions for us versus us just braving it ourselves um i made every decision you and i made every decision like i don't think our we let our friends and family make any decision that's not

not the norm though no that's not true with the invite list your parents my parents your parents definitely had say and like they have to be here yeah and that sparked a lot of arguments and ultimately we want i think going into this whole process if you're planning a wedding with the expectation or a hold on loosely mentality yeah like hey there's a lot of people who are really excited about this and some people's excitement come out as like frustration or demanding just like making sure that you have the right perspective and not this hey i have full control over this i think the hard the perspective to keep in mind with friends and family especially parents and grandparents is like we have drew and jet i've already like thought and cried over the idea that they're

going to get married someday and i can't wait for that moment and i think it's really hard sometimes for parents to separate it's like an exciting day for parents versus this is actually my kids' day. And so there's just a lot of emotions that go into that big day. And for us, I remember getting like our first lists from our parents. And that put our guest count at like 300. And we hadn't even put like our list together. And I was like, oh my gosh.

We had a large way. Like mom, sorry, the second and third cousins can't come. Like I don't have, we don't have that ability. But they did. But they... All right. So here are some things as we reflect that we wish we knew or had done as we were playing in our wedding. First of all is the budget.

Yeah. I think as a couple or as a family, whoever's in charge of like the financial backing of the wedding, no matter what size we're talking, no matter how opulent. Yeah. Whether it's just you two or it's 700 people. I think collectively coming up with the budget and setting expectations there. is good and making sure everyone knows the budget. But then also I might set the budget at 10% under what your actual budget and what you're actually willing to spend is because leaving a little extra room for expenses at the end,

like whatever it may be, more alcohol at the wedding, whatever your vibe is, like could be helpful. And I will say to negotiate because as, soon as you use the word wedding with any vendor any like um location or venue or whatever people just they they know it's your special day and they know people are willing to spend a lot of money on that so negotiate i remember with our catering company um they had quoted you know up too much it was over our budget and we're like actually we're very strict on this number and if you guys can't like work with that then we're going to go somewhere else and they literally just

lowered it they didn't change anything and i was like okay yeah yeah that's a whole thing but um i i think viewing all this the whole wedding planning process is practice for marriage is actually helpful things like talking about budgets making sure that you're navigating it keeping everybody well informed along the way um it is interesting though studies have shown that a lot of couples have regretted how much they spend on their wedding i don't know i mean i don't think i have any regrets because you look back on you're like wow that was an epic day I'll remember that for the rest of my life it was and it was incredible and it costs a lot of money and it like hurts your ego

but at the end of the day like Andrew said I don't regret it I think we've learned so much more that we'd probably do it differently but I think like Andrew said set your budget at the beginning try to round down you're going to appreciate that more later and at the end of the day you're going to have a party people are going to have fun people aren't going to remember the flowers as much as they do how much fun they had with their friends yeah so and also no matter how much money you spend it's going to feel like a lot because and there's always super i feel like it's just uh it's just like stereotypical that the man feels like

you're spending too much and the woman is frustrated because they want this vision of their wedding day to be to be executed correctly but uh it's going to feel like too much because you're talking about a single day in your life yeah but remember it is special and you only get one of these so anyway um as far as like the checklist checklist goes um as soon as you set your budget do the biggest things and the biggest expenses first and then kind of fill in from there so do things like your venue obviously and your date catering catering is usually what costs the most because you're talking about anywhere from 10 to hundreds of dollars per person per plate yeah per plate so a good way to do that is to either decide how much money you're willing to spend per head or per plate or just

giving a budget to the whole thing um DJ or band photographer videographer flowers those are usually like the big ones this episode is brought to you by Defender with its 626 horsepower twin turbo v8 engine, the defender Octa is taking on the Dakar rally. The ultimate off-road challenge. Learn more at landrover.ca. A couple of

little things in there that I found I think you can save money on is photographer and videographer. A lot of times photographers will offer to bring more assistance and more photographers out so they capture every single

moment that happens at the wedding we purchased um the bare minimum so we had one two photographers one for the groom side one for the um bride side and we still wound up with over 2,000 pictures nobody's going to use 2,000 pictures yeah nobody you're going to use like probably four from the day yeah now granted you want those four to be like taken right but you're not going to like you don't need 800 pictures from when the groomsmen are getting ready especially with iPhones these days or you can do like the wind up cameras like behind the scenes in different locations I just don't think it's necessary to have so many photographers um a videographer we were very skeptical about we weren't sure if we wanted a videographer but we ended up being

so incredibly impressed and in love with the video and it's we probably watched the video more than we look at the pictures for sure also just from my perspective remember that people people's memory is only going to be in relation to the larger things like wow that was such an awesome venue or beautiful venue or do you remember the speech that the best man gave or the food was great or whatever like the bar I think I think thinking of it as what will people remember it's helpful to weed out some of the smaller things like I don't remember our tablecloths or our silverware or our chairs actually I remember I remember remember our chairs just because we spent extra on them and it feels like unnecessary. I want to. We're not getting in. No, no, I want to correct you there. Okay.

So we actually saved money on our chairs because we were down to two different chairs where one chair had like a chair pad on it and one chair didn't. And the difference of a chair pad was like $10,000 because we had 400 people at our wedding. And the ones without chair pads were. $10,000 less, and we went with the ones without chair pads. Wow, good call. Yeah. And I was like, chair pads are $10,000.

What? Not actually, though. Not actually. Real quick, today's episode is brought to you by AG1. Let's try not to get sick for our wedding day. Let's just work on our overall health. Let's just start taking AG1 now, even if your wedding day is two days from now. That's right.

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Again, that is athletic greens.com forward slash eastfam to take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritional insurance. We'll also link it down below. Let's get back to it. Also, some people are into the concept of preserving their drug. dress or suit that they wore and getting it dry cleaned they also have uh preservation options for dresses which i did what you did so leave room in your budget for that as well try to think from the beginning to the very end so like that maybe even your honeymoon as part of your wedding

budget uh but also things like preserving your suit and getting it dry cleaned um also a couple more like things to think about where you can save money where we saved money um flowers so actual flowers are about three times the price of like greenery so think like yeah just instead of like a big rose you have like all of these like green plants leaves um we did we did 90% greenery and just like a couple flowers here and there it i didn't think it really looked any different and it saved a ton of money um also stationary stationery is a massive way to save money so if you think of the the most traditional wedding you would walk in and be handed a pamphlet or like a brochure an itinerary yeah that you like each individual person gets to look at and it tells you what's going on through the

wedding um that can cost a lot of money so we actually didn't do that we printed one and i went and bought an easel from like tj max and just like set the really big one up on the easel um you can do the same thing with like dinner menus instead of printing dinner menus you can print one and frame it. I literally bought a frame from T.J. Max. And then like table numbers, all of those different things. You can truly just do like one big one somewhere instead of printing potentially hundreds. Dude, the stationery. I forgot about the save the dates, the invitations, our SVPs. I can get out of hand pretty quickly. Oh, another great way to save money with your invitations or save the dates. Lexi actually did this, which was brilliant, is instead of doing like, um, you know,

a printed invitation or save the date in an envelope you can actually do postcards which are great and you can even do those for invitations where you receive the invitation you put a stamp on it and you send the invitation back which is an awesome way to do that yeah also i just feel i'm just thinking about all this like you get caught up and like oh i need to have a a gold foil envelope yeah it's not what it's about dude i'm about to get fired up lexie's got something for us lexie just pro tip Yeah, she said you can actually send invitations with QR codes on them. So you just scan the QR code and RSVP online so you don't have to like ship an RSP poop. Pro tip, pro tip.

That is really smart. It's not about the gold foil and the freaking envelope. It's about who you are anyway. Oh, I have a couple more tips. Sorry, okay. Okay, we're going to be here forever. These were things that we absolutely loved. They were suggestions by our wedding planner that we actually did at our wedding.

so usually during your wedding after you get married. Wait, there's one more for the budget because you're about to move into the next section? I'm just saying. There's a tip, Andrew. Okay, what? No, I know. I just, before we move on from the budget,

closing out this section of you'll likely go over your budget. Also, I never leave room in the budget and planning for tips. Oh, yeah. But people like the florist, cater, DJ photographer, videoographer, probably it might be a tip. situation. By the way, tipping is so stressful. I don't know who to tip or win or how much or whenever. But anyway, leave room for tips and make sure that that's factored in as well. All right, back to shots. Okay. So day of your wedding, something that we never thought of,

but our wedding planner actually thought of and suggested. And we did. So after you get married, there's usually this like little time in between where you probably take pictures and then you head to the reception. As a bride and groom, you will spend 99.9% of your time at the reception. like talking to people and having fun and doing toasts and cutting the cake and you actually don't really get a lot of time to sit and eat so our wedding planner suggested in that little leeway time when you take pictures set aside 20 extra minutes nobody's going to notice they're literally going to be like dancing and eating food and drinking um set aside 20 minutes have your meal already prepared sit down and have your first dinner as husband and wife and her and i did that it was so

special. Hit pause on whatever you're listening to and hit play on your next adventure. This fall get double points on every qualified stay. Life's the trip. Make the most of it at Best Western. Visit bestwestern.com for complete terms and conditions. Also something to remember, you probably will get too caught up in your party to like sit down and eat cake. Um, so have your day of coordinator put together a huge to go bag for you of food. extra like dinner food and extra cake that you and your husband or spouse can enjoy like when you get back home which is what we did we literally got home from our wedding and sat in bed and just ate cake and food for like an hour yeah yeah I feel like if you don't eat at the if you don't eat after wedding you're just going to get back to the hotel I don't think we ate or drank anything at our wedding we had dinner we had dinner besides that 20 minute period I'm saying like at the actual reception I don't think we're shaking hands and saying oh my gosh Yeah. Another good thing to remember just to have this mindset, the only thing that matters at your wedding is that you end up married. Something's going to go wrong. Someone's going to forget something. We had a stray injured dog, walked down the aisle of our wedding while we were getting married.

This is also completely ridiculous. And I understand nobody relates to this. But Sean is a big deal. And there was, what do you call it? helicopter what do you call that thing paparazzi there's a paparazzi helicopter also sitting outside our freaking house where someone was getting ready someone was hiding in the bushes do you remember so creepy so creepy anyway so something's going to go wrong or unexpected will happen just just have such a relaxed mentality of like it's the perfect day because you're getting married it's not the perfect day because the food is hot or something is executed perfectly whatever like all you have to remember is that you get married. I remember we got married outside and so many people were so worried, even our wedding planner, that it was going to rain. And because of money, I didn't pay for a rain tent.

I was like, I don't want to spend extra money on extra thousands of dollars on a hypothetical situation. I was like, you know what? At the end of the day, if it rains, those will be epic pictures. And I was fine with it. Embracing, embracing the things that go wrong with like a sense of humor. again, I think it's just good practice for marriage and parenting and whatever else you're getting into because like, it's all part of the experience, baby. We're just here making memories and it doesn't need to be the memory that you tried to draw.

You know how funny and like memorable and cool it would be to have your wedding pictures just like you guys are just soaking wet? I think that would be like really funny. You wouldn't have felt that way in the moment. I embraced it that day. I was like this would be epic. I actually remember that. Okay.

Some of this is tips from the, other side of the fence you know um another thing to remember so wedding day is done a lot of people feel like there is an expectation to save room in the budget so they can go on a honeymoon the day after remember you can take your honeymoon whenever you want so for us since we paid for our wedding we actually took three months in between four months in between yeah our wedding and our honeymoon so we took it later yeah i also our story is wild we woke up the day after we got married and had to take like an 8 a.m. flight out to Oakland so I could start practice with the Raiders. But some people are like set on that concept of doing the honeymoon the week

after the wedding and maybe you just need a little space to breathe whether it be because of finances or because of the stress of planning the actual wedding. But feel free to take your time and do it on your own schedule. You know? Other like small but big thing or whatever however you look at it small but big thing yeah big but small thing other things to consider other things to consider i feel like this is like a bride thing don't worry about what you look like i feel like there's all of these like fads and trends of like lose weight for your wedding day stop wow your your spouse your fiance proposed to you because they love you how you are don't change who you are for your wedding i stressed so much about it i love that

I remember feeling like I couldn't eat breakfast because I was like oh what if I look bloated and I might stop that's so just that strips you of so much joy and buy a dress that fits if not size up so you can truly enjoy every aspect of your relationship and nobody is there to look at how you look or to judge you and if they are they shouldn't be at your wedding so enjoy it don't stress about it. Dude, preach. Keep going. Just keep going. Dang girl. That's good. Jeez. We hadn't talked about that, but you were stressed. I was very stressed. I was still in a very unhealthy part of my life when it came to body image. And I was really, really worried about how I looked on my wedding day, which looking back, if it was true, if it's jet, all I could say is

like, you proposed to me probably at my lowest point in like my body image world. And like, my body image world and you loved me then so why would i think i had to change myself for our wedding day dang and thinking some of our friends the wedding and trying to look good for it has has sparked unhealthy habits or practices and again don't lose out of the big picture like you don't want oh that's don't take whatever substances or supplements or whatever just to like start unhealthy habits as you're about to start a new life with somebody. Are you kidding me? Terrible timing. I'm going to say last thing. Last thing we'll wrap this up. And we could do 1,700 different parts on weddings. A lot of people have this false sense that a wedding is

the finish line. And it is the most exciting like start of your life. So when you're at your wedding don't be like oh breath of fresh air we did it no like you are starting the best part of your life and if you look at it that way it kind of sets your expectation up for the rest of your life instead of feeling like oh we're done yeah yeah it is it is tempting to feel like a finish line because like you've been dating and this is like you know you've been working towards us for a long time with the engagement whatever but it actually really is a starting line so and that's a good thing That's a good thing. Yeah.

Truly. Okay. So other things that you can consider are like who is doing the ceremony. Do you want to write your own vows? We actually are, what do you call that guy? What do you call the person who marries you? Efficient. Efficient wrote our vows based off of what we said in meetings.

Also, on that note, do pre-marital counseling. Yeah. Do it. It's the best. Do it. It is the best. It's all I have to say about it. is do it.

You have anything? No, that was it. That was my sign sealed delivered. For emotions and stress levels, don't check the weather until the week of the wedding because that's just something that could so easily stress you out. Like, hey, what's the average weather on April 16th? Oh, raining?

Shoot, we're screwed. That was the only date the venue had open. Anyway. Oh, maybe another thing to your wedding registry. Make sure you put that on your save the dates or invitations just because people really, want to celebrate you and if they can't come to the wedding they still want to celebrate you in any way they can um we use zola zola was great i actually on this note i would sit down if you're putting

your wedding registry together i would sit down with a couple who's been married and who's in your like circle and like double check your registry things because i remember our mom looking at our registry or my mom looking at a registry be like you're not going to use that you're not going to use that and you're like i think i will use whatever the thing is we have so much many wine glasses so many we went too hard and we didn't need uh 40 different moscow mule mugs either turned out anyway so I have someone else check that because it's a fun it's a fun thing to go through anyway and just to reiterate things I wish we knew and had given more priority of thought there's one thing it would just be to remember to enjoy

the process just enjoy it yeah whatever that means for you that might mean taking care of every single detail that might mean not doing any of the details but enjoy it nonetheless um with that thank you for listening thank you for um suggesting this topic if you have any more questions when it comes to weddings we'll do a part two but i think that's all we got for you yeah i'm I want to continue this series and maybe do things I wish we knew before we dated or things I wish we knew before we got engaged or things I wish we knew before we had kids, whatever the thing is. So let us know if you're listening, which of those, if any, that you would like to hear. If you are planning a wedding right now, we are so happy for you guys. We are praying for you.

This is, it's truly the best part of life. I love it. We love marriage. And wedding is a fun part of that. So congratulations. rooting for you good luck crush it that's all we have i'm andrew i'm shot we're the east fam out