Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 121 | reasons people don't want kids

Episode Date: June 29, 2022

In this episode, we read and react to reasons people don't want kids. Some of these are funny, some are serious but overall we just wanted to share a lighthearted episode reacting to reasons people have shared. There are many ways to live a fulfilled life and having kids is only one of them! We are sponsored by Athletic Greens! ▶ Visit athleticgreens.com/eastfam to take ownership of your health. Follow My Instagram ▶ http://www.instagram.com/ShawnJohnson Like the Facebook page! ▶ http://www.facebook.com/ShawnJohnson Follow My Twitter ▶ http://www.twitter.com/ShawnJohnson Snapchat! ▶ @ShawneyJ Follow AndrewsTwitter ▶ http://www.twitter.com/AndrewDEast Follow My Instagram ▶ http://www.instagram.com/AndrewDEast Like the Facebook page! ▶ http://www.facebook.com/AndrewDEast Snapchat! ▶ @AndrewDEast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When you're with Amex Platinum, you get access to exclusive dining experiences and an annual travel credit. So the best tapas in town might be in a new town altogether. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Terms and conditions apply. Learn more at Amex.ca. what's up everybody welcome back to a couple things with Sean and Andrew a podcast all about couples and the things they go through today's episode was actually requested by you guys we are doing a form

of a reaction podcast that's right reacting to why people don't want to have kids yes um we pulled a ton of these statistics and thoughts and opinions from Reddit um so we'll go through a lot of them and kind of unpack them and talk about them some are funny some are serious i do want to say though before we get started that if you are one of those that doesn't want to have kids we know every single person in the world has their own like journey and that's great i always say there's a lot of ways to live a good life and having kids is only one of them so if you don't want to have kids this is not in any way trying to like make fun of you this is just us reacting to some of the reasons that we found on Reddit on Instagram

that people said they don't want to have kids. So thank you for this idea. I'm pretty excited about this. I haven't read through all of these. So I think it will be funny. Also, it is worth noting that not everybody can have kids. And we also empathize with you. So anyway, hope you find this episode entertaining.

And before we jump into it, please subscribe to the show and give it a rating. And thanks for being here. Hope you're having a wonderful day. Let me just brag on my wife, if this is your first episode listening to us. my wife is a boss and she was an Olympian dancing with the stars champion

she's done a lot of cool things like TV shows I'm just bragging on you I just am and are you wanting this to be reciprocated I think the thing I'm most proud of you are of you is how do you say that sentence I think the thing I'm most proud of you for is your momming thank you baby you're great the momming

I do you know for us we were those we were two of those people that we always jumped of being parents, whether that was adoptive or like biological. We just always wanted to be parents. And so it truly, when people requested this podcast for the other side of it, I was so excited because I love learning about people. I love learning about playing devil's advocate, just hearing other people's opinions. I think it truly helps me understand people.

Also, to reciprocate, my husband is a boss. So I did not. Vanderbilt, MBA, went on to play in the NFL, full ride scholarship, D1 athlete, phenomenal father. You were on American Ninja Warrior. Oh, that's right. Multiple times. I did do that. Super mediocre performances there.

Stop it. But also, Sean and I know people who have seven kids, 11 kids. We also know couples who are in their 70s and decided not to have kids. Yeah. And it's fun to see how. again both people can can live such fulfilling lives actually what so fun fact my god parents never had children is that right yeah oh yeah no i know who you're talking about yes yeah yes um they never have they never had children um and their reason was a little bit different so husband and wife fell in love

have been you know high school sweetheart's been married for 50 some years um the wife truly to her like core just never wanted kids never wanted like her own children um the husband did but for their relationship they they mutually decided within their relationship that they weren't going to how beautiful is that so beautiful making marriage work yeah you know what we should do an episode on because because i get why people don't want to have kids i mean it's stressful we'll go over this but we should do an episode on why people do want to have kids for sure you know yeah because that's a i mean it's just a journey both sides i'd be curious to hear the other side too yeah anyway you ready to jump into this i am okay comments from reddit all right here we go first one is i work full time in a nursery

and there's no way i'm spending nine to six with children and then coming home to more children uh i do totally i i do understand that um we have actually i we have interviewed nannies before and babysitters who have said, you know, I love working with children, but I personally don't want children. Like, this is how I spend my life with kids. And I do think a lot of teachers and stuff share that same sentiment.

I think you can have a passion for children, but not want to come home to them. So I get it. I get that. I mean, when we put the kids down at bedtime, we, like, are toasted. We're wrecked. It's exhausting.

I mean, kids really take it out of you. You want to read the next? The next one says, I would be a terrible parent, but a great uncle. Again, I think it's a very similar situation of people love children, but being able to have their freedom and space when they go home is something that they enjoy. Which is totally yet. Someone described parenting as like the most constant thing. Yeah.

Which is true. Like there's no, once you're a parent, there's no like, oh, this isn't for me. It's you're there. You're into it. You're committed. You have a kid to take care of. I will say that was the most intimidating thought to me when I was pregnant was, oh, my gosh. Like, this is a morbid thought.

But, like, it's not like a dog where you've got 12, you know, years. Wow. You know, you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. And that's morbid. But I was like, this is like, this is in it. Like, we're in it. Oh, man.

All right, next one. The fact that nothing really makes me want to have them is why I don't want to have kids. I feel like you should have an overwhelming desire to become a parent. And I don't. So why would I have a kid? I think that's fair. I would be interested to get some sort of statistics on, like, your godparents. One person really wanted to have kids, the other didn't.

Like, what percentage of people are, like, super pumped before having kids? You know what I'm saying? like what how how excited are people before having kids yeah another person says the idea of being responsible for a human being isn't for me i can i feel like i can barely take care of myself that is totally agree with you yeah yep some people that's where some people are i get it i'm scared of pregnancy and birth i have nothing but respect for women who choose to put themselves through that but it's going to be a hard pass for me pregnancy and childbirth are the closest thing I can imagine to a horror movie.

Just the thought of something growing inside of me, morphing my body beyond my control, and then tearing it out, sorry, tearing its way out, is something that very much lives in my nightmares. I mean, yeah, me too. Do people get psyched out about childbirth? Absolutely.

Really? It was one of the scariest parts about having a kid for me. It's just, yeah, it's scary. There's a lot of things that can go very, very wrong. um the pain factor of it the not having control factor i will say i will say there was a part in drew's pregnancy not so much jacks i understood where it was almost this it would come in waves in like the first or second trimester where the only way i can describe it is almost like claustrophobia but like reversed how is it i don't know how it's possible

Like a panic sensation of like, oh my gosh, get this out of me. That's really weird. Like where it's like you, it's almost like you're trapped. I was like, I would panic. Pregnancy's wild. It's wild. It's wild. I remember you having, you were like tremoring right before you're about to give birth to Drew

because of, I think, the anticipation of what's it going to happen? Like, what is this going to be like this process? And I was an excruciating thing. True, true, true. I was literally in shock. Just letting you know. Okay. The next person says, I have two roommates,

so I don't really want a baby living with my two roommates. That is fair. Yeah. Yeah. Like financially, some people, obviously a baby is a financial, like, investment. There's a lot of resources they have to put behind it. I like the next one. Okay.

Next one is, have you ever met a kid? That's why I don't want one. They're wild. So my parents were in the same boat as this And saying they didn't want kids They got married when they were 16 And it took them all the way until they were 32 To decide maybe we'll try

And that's when they had me But they were like the same way My mom just said she will openly tell you She's like I didn't think I was a kid person Like I didn't think I was never one that wanted to babysit I didn't like love being around children I just didn't feel like I had like a connection with them. Which makes it sound like strange.

People do say that you have way more patience with your own kid than with other people's kids. Even when you have kids, like we find other kids annoying if they're not ours, right? Yeah. And there's something about, I don't know, I guess maybe it's this aspect of selfishness where it's like, hey, this little thing looks like me. So I'm going to treat it better Or it looks like, you know, probably Probably better say it looks like the person I love the most So I'm going to treat it better

But you love yourself the most No, you But our children look like you Yeah, it looks like you dude And I think Your patience for kids grow as well I'm reflecting on The process of marrying Sean

And then talking about kids and then having kids, you kind of, you kind of turn your focus from yourself to like your spouse and then your kids. It's like the shedding of, it's understanding that, you know what, this isn't about me.

Yeah. And that hurts sometimes. It's difficult, but it's not about me. Those are my thoughts. This episode is brought to you by Defender. With its 626 horsepower twin turbo V8 engine, the defender, Octa, is taking on the Dakar rally.

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I have zero desire to have a child, just like I have no desire to pet a rhino or become a lawyer. Just have no desire. I get it. I get that. That's fair. I'm curious, which of these come from females, which these come from males. I know. I also want to, like, add something. So as we go through this, we've already, like, we are aware we are kid people.

And please, if you fall within this category of you are not kid people, we're not trying to convince you. Like, no, no, no. Like, I truly want to understand this and I love this and I love the humor behind some of these comments and I love the seriousness behind it. So just now, we're not trying to convince you. We're just trying to, like, wrap our mind around it. I think it's, I mean, maybe people listen to this, hear one of these, and they're like, yeah, that's actually how I feel. Yeah.

Good for you. Next one is, I have no paternal instinct at all. Don't think I could develop one. Yep. I'd love to test that some way. Yeah. How do you determine? Next one.

If you tell your friends, you're considering buying a sports. car you'll get questions like are you sure you can afford it you know it needs special care right do you think it's practical and if you answer with i just want one they will say you're immature and you're making a bad financial decision somehow it's okay when it comes to bringing another life into the world which is confusing to me i actually agree with that i i do i we have talked about this before like on other podcasts where when it comes to planning for a child you do need to be very smart and I know accidents happen and sometimes you just get pregnant but I think making smart decisions like can you actually afford to take care of a child like can you meet their needs

no matter what they are and do you think it's practical I think where this analogy departs from like the situation of having a child is it's it's way more than just a financial decision for sure there's so many other factors for sure but I do think at the like one of those factors is like can you support a child for sure to the credit of whoever wrote this you should have a kid if you are able to with a lot of thought like absolutely hey what is it going to look like sit down I wish we did this more like sit down and like think about how are we going to go about this process what's going to look like what are your expectations what are my expectations and like Really put a lot of thought into it, you know, like you were making a big life decision. Like, if you walked into a Maserati dealership and they're like, show me your bank account. And you have like 100 bucks in there and you can't pay rent. You probably shouldn't buy a Maserati. So, like, you probably shouldn't have a kid.

I would never walk into a Maserati dealership. I'm just, it was, I don't, I tried to think of like an expensive sports car. All right. That was a funny one. I like that one. Next up, the screaming in the next aisle over at the grocery store. because they can't have the item they want makes me not want one. I will actually agree with you here.

Before we had our kids and we're lucky we don't have screamers. But like I had been around children before who were screamers and I was just like, no, no. I don't think I could ever deal with that. And before having a kid, you listen to that and you're like, wow, this poor kid is not getting parented correctly. But then once you have a kid, you're like that poor parent. What did that piece? I think there's a comedian that talks on that. But honestly, that's one of the hardest things about parenting for me is the noise, the constant noise.

Where for whatever reason, I maybe like I'm more sensitive. I don't know why, but it stresses me out. Yes. And can we just have five minutes of silence? You're. I get loud. I get loud, dude. No, no lie.

But you know, it's balanced. This is just hitting. It's balance. Coming from the man who was screaming at the top of his lungs last night, the Lion King, as both of our children, we're trying to match me. Stopping. I literally, I literally looked at Andrew last night and I was like, could you please turn it down? I am so overstimulated. I need silence.

There's a lot of simulation that goes with it. Anyway, next one, you got it. Okay. The vast majority of parents I meet complain about having children and how much of a struggle it is, how expensive it is, how they get no sleep, no. free time, et cetera, then they finish their complaints by saying, but it's the best thing I ever did. I've tried to vocalize this. Yeah. The downsides and the difficulties of parenting are so easy and so tangible to communicate.

Yeah. Whereas the beautiful part about parenting is more like intangible, ambiguous, like just feeling sort of things that people don't easily understand. Like if I say to someone, wow, this is tough because I went from getting eight hours of sleep a night to two hours of sleep in night. People are like, wow, I get that. But if I'm like, hey, I get to watch my kid grow and learn from day to day, it's like that doesn't hit the same. No. You know? It doesn't hit until you have a kid.

And that's if you have a kid because you want a kid, like there's so many aspects to that. But I, yeah, it's side. So that would be my rebuttal to that one. next one is kids are sticky they get wow what the heck everywhere true dude i'm talking how many times that i wiped jet's nose today and then he's drooling everywhere he's got this neck

he doesn't even have a neck but he has like this neck roll that just gets slobber all built into it they got honey and syrup and crevices i don't even know where and then have you ever watched a kid eat that like their entire hand is in their mouth and then it's on their face and then it's touching your poster chairs and it oh dude jett's crawling through wet mulch today drenching his clothes he's fallen in the pool he's got dirt everywhere he bit into a dirt

clod I will say all I heard I was in the kitchen this morning making breakfast and all I hear is Andrew outside go bro what the dude what are you doing it's wild but to touch on the last one where it's like wow I always hear how much of a struggle parent is I consider all the like things like this kids are sticky it's like a memory it's like wow that's hilarious it's hard I was funny and it's a good memory I was in OCD clean freak before kids I still am but now I've just had to like we just had a conversation about me not cleaning the house like I've loosened the reins a little bit my heart rate just increased oh my gosh i have loosened the reins a little bit for my standard okay okay uh next one having

to meet other parents they're worse than the kids hmm yes you have your opinion and you can that's valid um i would say what i've learned with parenting and other parents is parenting immediately puts you into certain parenting style buckets. Like there are a handful of different styles that parents take on. And if you don't mesh with those styles, sometimes it's very hard to like mesh as a human. For instance, there are parents who put their kids on sleep schedules. And then our parents who don't put their parents on,

or kids on sleep schedules. There are parents who are holistic. there are parents who don't really care about the kids diets there are parents who like to get their kids involved in camps in school from early age some who discipline some don't and all these different things kind of draw parents farther apart or closer together and because your life is so consuming with children if you are only talking about your kids as a parent to another parent if you don't mesh in those worlds you have nothing to talk about no but I think that's the wrong way to think about it too it's almost like politics where you you're forced to make a decision like

if I'm a politician I have to vote on this issue if I'm a parent I have to make decisions for my kids so I'm either going to put them on a sleep schedule or I'm not you know what I'm saying yeah and then that so that's how like your style's drawn out and and kind of amplified but I don't think that the right approach is hey this parent does things different than me So I'm not even going to talk to them. I agree, except you did just use the analogy that parenting styles are like politics. I know. So even though they shouldn't be polarizing, they are.

But they shouldn't be. They shouldn't be, but they are. It should be grounds for fertile conversation about differences. Next one. It's like beauty about not, it doesn't have to be aggressive debate. It could just be like, wow, that's cool. We both love our kids. It's like you can be different and love each other.

you know what I'm saying yeah next one says you know when people are out in public and people see other parents of children and immediately think those people should never have had kids that's me I'm those people that's what this person said that's funny it's funny I've never I've actually never seen people like that here's what's cool about parenting I feel like when you have a kid you step step up to the plate I do think there are people in the world who shouldn't wow hot take from Sean there you go okay I I've never seen one. I think there are, there, we've had conversations with rabbis, pastors, a lot of people,

and I've asked the question multiple times. Do you think there are people in the world who are capable of being just absolutely evil? And they have both said yes. And I don't think those people should have children. Because that makes me very scared for those kids. Okay, okay, okay. So that's like a very extreme. But parents, but I'm talking, when I think of the word parents,

I think of, like, while they're there in their kid's life. Not like, hey, I have a kid. I know, but it says those people should never have had kids. All right. I get it. I get it. You're saying there's bad people in the world. There's bad people.

And if you're bad people and you're not going to be nice to children, you shouldn't have children. My thought is everyone's out here and giving it their best effort. I would like to think. A lot of people aren't. A lot of people are not giving it their best effort. This is turned into such a different conversation. A lot of people are cruel to children, and they shouldn't be around children and have children. I think, okay, yeah.

I'm in a dark spot. You're in a hopeful spot. I'm in the rosy colored glasses. I'm in a, like, keep your kids inside. Next up, yeah. Takes two to make a baby, and I've never met a man I want to deal with for the rest of my life, unfortunately. Yikes. I think we should give you a different podcast.

I think we should serve up the dating podcast. No, dating and marriage is not for everybody either. No, I know, but like, I feel like within this statement, there is a, I've never met a man I want to deal with for the rest of my life. Unfortunately. Unfortunately, she put unfortunately in that. So that means there is a hopeful side of. She wants it.

She wants it. So we did a podcast with a dating professional. Yes, Melissa. And Who? The dating coach. Oh, Matthew Hussey.

Yes. Go check him out. Awesome, awesome insight. So hopefully fortunately, you'll find a guy you would like to spend another to your life with. But to reiterate an earlier point,

like there's a tinge, I'm going to try to say this gently. You might be thinking about yourself too much. Was that gently? I'm just saying, no one's going to fit your checklist bullet point of like wow you make me feel so good all the time

no freaking Sean is annoying as crap sometimes with your cleanliness standards making me organize the house but that's okay that doesn't mean that's a no-go for me it's like that wow we're different

but we love each other deeply like politics you know what you could say is thank you babe for keeping our house. I could say that. But I could also say, chill to freak out. Let me sit on the couch for a second.

You sit on the couch a lot. This is wild. Dude, I was not expecting this conversation for this podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, you're up. Better help. You better help. Okay.

Next one. Losing the rest of my youth in exchange for raising a, child sounds really hard. Ooh, that's deep. Thoughts. It is. It is really hard. Yeah.

I have friends who are the same age as us who aren't married, are still dating, don't have kids, and are running wild around the world doing such incredible things. And I think it's just a difference of perspective and passions. It is very hard. For us, we have chosen this. And for a lot of people, that's not what you want, which I totally get. What is it about your youth that you're scared of giving up? Or that you're scared of exchanging a kid for?

I think a lot of people are really afraid with kids in losing their quote-unquote freedom. Their ability to, on a whim, do whatever they want with no responsibility. A couple things come to mind. I read a book called The War of Art Talking about how when we have Infinite possibilities We do nothing Like people

People think freedom is Being able to choose From this list of infinite things But that's not actually what we want as humans I don't think We read something else yesterday In a book Talking about how freedom is actually

Making room for the things that you want most So, I mean, maybe this person wants, like, maybe their highest desire, their strongest desire is I want to travel and see, like, as many cultures as I can before I die. That's great. Probably kid would definitely interrupt that. But going through that process of evaluating what are your desires and how do you prioritize them, I think would be super helpful in understanding what, Would a kid fit into that or not? I'm making sense. Yeah.

I'm making sense. You are. You're giving me a funny face. I'm saying, decide what you want. And then maybe a kid fits in that, maybe it doesn't. What? Say something. You are, you know what I'm laughing at.

The dog? Does Thor howl all of a sudden? Is he a wolf? There's a dog in the background. He's like, he's like howling. Howo. What? Wendy's most important deal of the day has a fresh lineup.

Pick any two breakfast items for $4. New four-piece French toast sticks, bacon or sausage wrap, biscuit or English muffin sandwiches, small hot coffee, and more. Limited time only at participating Wendy's taxes extra. Okay. What did you think about what the freak I just said? I agree with that. And I think that plays into the last one, which says,

I love to travel solo. I love to explore this world. I would not have the time, money, or the ability to travel that way or the way that I want if I had kids. And I think just like you're saying, it's a perspective of, like, where do your priorities lie? What is it you're really wanting to, like, do with your time? If, like you said, you want to travel the world by yourself, that is your dream in life. And, yeah, adding kids to that is probably not going to fit into that dream.

But a different perspective is, like, you could still travel the world with kids, but it would make it a lot harder. It would make it more expensive. So I totally understand this. But. Here are my thoughts. Closing thoughts. I think it's important to be intentional with your life don't just stumble through life day to day going through the motions

like going to college because you just feel like that's the right thing or getting married because you think that's the right thing or having kids because you think that's just what you're supposed to do be intentional and like this makes me think of our goal setting episode which we did and Sean and I spend a full day every year going through what do we want this next 12 months to look like we're trying to do a better job at looking three, five, ten years ahead. But being intentional with your time and what you're pursuing and what path you're walking down,

that's what I take away from this. Some people are intentionally not having kids. That's great. It doesn't fit their profile. Other people maybe haven't thought through what their intentions are. Yeah. And I think this is a good challenge and maybe use it as inspiration to sit down Right, like literally the process of writing down your goals or what you want out of life or, you know, whatever, you can listen to that episode if you want to see how we break it down.

But like that process of literally putting pen to paper really helps you clarify what you want. I also want to add to just again, to legitimize and like your reasons are your reasons and those are legitimate. but one of my very, very best friends fits into this category. We had a conversation a couple years ago. She's a social worker and she works with teenage kids and she works with like some of the hardest cases out there and she's married and I was like, I asked her the question. I was like, is kids in your like future? Is that something you guys are going to pursue as far as in whatever way she performed

that is? And she's like, I don't think kids are for us. And I asked her why. And I just remember her saying, and I had never really thought about that before, but she said, I deal with the hardest cases with children every single day. And I've seen how parents have, quote, unquote, to a certain extent, messed it up. And she's like, my biggest fear is that I would be that same person. And I think tragedy and pain falls into this a lot.

I think there's a lot of hardship that people don't want to relive or live through or deal with. And I think, again, whatever reason it is, it's legitimate for you. Also, don't discount the effect that growing older and time and maturing can have on your perspective, again, one way or another, but like your perspective on things could change. Like right now, or at least when I was 20, I was worried about playing football and getting a job and, yeah, traveling the world. And now I don't really want to travel. I want to stay home and hang on.

with my wife and kids and be with my friends you do all right good talk thank you so much um anyway that's all we got i hope you found this episode entertaining maybe thought provoking maybe someone vocalized uh something that you were feeling in a way that that really helped you see it clear so i hope you pulled something out of this episode and if you want us to do more of these reaction type videos like reacting to why people do want to have kids or reacting to why people don't want to get married or do want to get married or yada the list goes on then let us know and maybe toss in an idea with what that might be but that's all we have for you if you made it this far please subscribe to the show give it a rating this was fun babe I love you I love you

I like our kids I love our kids yeah sorry me too and I love you I like you I like you I'm Andrew. I love you. I'm shot. Or the East fan. Out.