Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 125 | the fatherless epidemic

Episode Date: August 3, 2022

We’re PUMPED for today’s episode because we get to introduce you to Alec Lace, the host of the highly-rated podcast “First Class Fatherhood.” What’s even better is that FamilyMade Media is going to be working with Alec on all upcoming episodes so you can find them under the “FamilyMade” channel on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts! Alec has a passion for encouraging dads to be “first-class fathers” and he’s interviewed some A-list stars such as Matthew McConaughey, Tony Hawk, and Steve Harvey, which you’ll get to hear a bit from today.  We hope you enjoy and don’t forget to share Alec’s podcast with all the dads you know! Follow My Instagram ▶ http://www.instagram.com/ShawnJohnson Like the Facebook page! ▶ http://www.facebook.com/ShawnJohnson Follow My Twitter ▶ http://www.twitter.com/ShawnJohnson Snapchat! ▶ @ShawneyJ Follow AndrewsTwitter ▶ttp://www.twitter.com/AndrewDEast Follow My Instagram ▶ http://www.instagram.com/AndrewDEast Like the Facebook page! ▶ http://www.facebook.com/AndrewDEast Snapchat! ▶ @AndrewDEast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When you're with Amex Platinum, you get access to exclusive dining experiences and an annual travel credit. So the best tapas in town might be in a new town altogether. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Terms and conditions apply. Learn more at Amex.ca. what's up everybody welcome back to a couple things with Sean and Andrew a podcast all about couples and the things they go through today we are so excited about this interview because it's also

the welcoming of the newest show to the family made team this show that we're referring to is first class fatherhood brought to you by Alec Lace let me give you a little background on Alec Lace. He works a full-time job on the railroad. Yes. He has a side hustle Ubering. Yes. And then he'll sit down and interview some of the biggest names in Hollywood, across the world, authors, celebrities. We're talking Matthew McConaughey, Steve Harvey, Tony Hawk, Tom Brady, the biggest of the big. This guy will reach out to them himself, book them on a show, get done with the railroad, sit down with him and interview him. I love his story. I love his perspective. And his whole mission is to empower fathers to re-engage because when a father is active in the family, it changes the whole dynamic.

He even goes into this concept and idea that fatherhood doesn't have to be a paternal father. It can be father as in God. It can be a father figure. And really kind of like just growing on this idea that having a father figure in your life to lead you down the right road can actually help with your trajectory of like success. and life and happiness and everything. So he's done 636 something episodes on his show where he sits down and talks to people about how they do fatherhood, what they love about it and what they can do better. And he's had hundreds of guests.

The perspective that he's gained is fantastic, so much so that he's even written a book called First Class Fatherhood where he writes down and captures some of the biggest things that he's learned. So in this episode, we wanted to sit down and interview Alex so you can get to know him and also play some of our favorite excerpts from his show. But I would encourage you if you like Alec or the guest he has on, go check out the show yourself. We'll link it down below. It's called First Class Fatherhood. It's on YouTube. It's on anywhere you can find podcasts. And we are so excited to be welcoming him into the Family Made Network and super pumped. So I hope you enjoy it. Before we jump

into it, please subscribe to this show and give it a rating on where a platform you're listening on. And go do the same if you go and listen to his stuff. But Alec, thank you for taking the time to sit down with us excited to have our interview with him debut on his show and let's roll into it with alec lace better way to bring on first class fatherhood than to have alec the man behind the show as well as his son aiden here this is fun it's a real treat thanks for joining guys it's an honor to be here with you and you finally meet you in person so thanks for having us it's been a pleasure this is fun we did lunch we drove around town a little bit i still need to show you vanderbilt and some of the schools around here but um i would love to we have a special guest aiden here tell us about

your family, Alec, if you don't mind, what your wife, what your kid's situation look like. Absolutely. I am a married father of four children. My wife and I, Jessica, we're married 17 years. We have four kids. Three boys. And then we got the girl on the fourth try. If we didn't get her on four, we'd have five by now, but we got her. And that's the name of that tune. Aden's our third son. And I am a full-time railroad mechanic. I've been doing that for 22, 22, 23 years. hustle a lot of Uber on the side. I've always done a lot of different side hustles to kind of bring in money and income for the family,

especially during them early days. My wife stayed home to raise the kids. My wife now works for the church that we belong to. And I've been doing the podcast for four years now. Started it up at the foot of my bed just with this message because through driving Uber, I would hear so many young men tell me when I said I had four kids.

They would look at me like I had four heads and they would be like, why would you ever do that? And they thought of it as something that they would want to put off in life. And so I was trying to, like, tell these guys, listen, that's the best thing that's ever happened to me when I became a father. So after hearing those messages, I started the podcast, first class fatherhood, to kind of change that mindset in these young men and let them know that there's nothing to be afraid

of and that this is something you should embrace. And then it grew to the fact where I was able to bring on a lot of different celebrities and guys who have really just really crushed it in life and have had so much success. But their testimony is that the thing that brought them the most fulfillment was being a father. And those are the stories I try to capture on the show. That's amazing. And you wrote a book about it as well.

You're ready. Thank you. I appreciate that. I'm honored to just know you. It's been so cool. Alec has this amazing quality of connecting people. It seems like Aden does the same way. I am curious just because he's here.

Besides being your absolute mini-mean look-alike, what quality do you think you share with your dad, Aiden, most? Well, definitely being able to talk to people in a good way. way is one of them um i'd say we're both very good at things like playing video games you're a gamer i'm not a gamer but i can rock the game we can play some modern warfare together we can we can rack up some kills yeah definitely uh and you're both bangles fans yeah we're both thanks both bangles okay who day yeah geez well it was good it was a good year for the boys but um so okay you mentioned that fatherhood shouldn't be something to be intimidated by how do you view father

fatherhood, Alec, yourself. Well, fatherhood for me, it was a, I would say it's where I really felt like I became a man when I became a father. So for me, all of the things that seemed so important before I became a dad started to seem so trivial to where I put so much emphasis on them. And it really, and I don't know one of the things, Andrew, is people are afraid to have kids because they think it costs so much money. How are you going to be able to afford it?

And in my opinion, kids motivate you to want to bring in more income like you've never had before like it's this sense of like a need to provide for your family so it really gives you the extra incentive to earn more money so those are things that really started to awaken in me as i became a father and now it's it's everything to me nothing matters more in my life than my wife and my children and we eat together we pray together and uh we're a close family we have our bouts we have our disagreements we work through it and i and i love being a dad it is amazing we hosted a friend in who's in his mid-30s, lives in Los Angeles, like really pursuing his ambitions. And he seems a little skittish about having kids because he thinks he's going to derail him

from, like, achieving the goals that he has in life. And it's so interesting, like, the perspective change that you get when you have kids is unlike any other, and it reprioritizes things. You're like, oh, wow, I wanted to travel the world. Now, Sean and I don't want to ever travel again. again, we want to be in our living room with our kids, you know what I'm saying? And it's like, oh, I wanted to build a company that had whatever, however many people. And it's like, no, I want to spend time with my kids and cook dinner with them and pray with them at night,

you know, put them to bed every night. And especially, too, if you have a friend group and you're the ones that are having kids and the friend group isn't, you'll notice that distance right away because they don't get it. And it's not, it's not something you can understand from reading a book. It's something that has to be experienced in order for you to understand it. So that's one of the things that separates. You don't distance yourself from your friends, but it's not as important anymore to do these things that you used to do. And you're not even, you don't even feel guilty about not doing it because you're so involved in what

you're doing now. Do you feel like, okay, so your oldest is seven. 16, 16. Okay, 16. Have you always maintained this perspective on fatherhood of like really being

excited about it or has that been an evolution of itself? It keeps it interesting because I've never had a 16 year old son before, you know, so he turns 16, he's just going to get his driver's permit. I've never, that's something I've never had to experience as a dad is, a child who drives, a child who dates, a child who does what goes to college. So there's so many things I haven't experienced yet as a dad. And I always make the point, too, to say that I'm by no means the best father in the world

or view myself that way. I feel like I'm a dad that's still in the game, that's learning the game. I learned from others who have been there. Part of the beauty of having people on the show that are grandfathers, a lot of them. I get a chance to ask them, hey, how did you deal with it when your son started dating? What did you do when your daughter became old enough and guys started coming to the house? So I get to listen to these perspectives, and everyone has a little bit of a different take. So it kind of helps me prepare myself at that next level.

But, yeah, it keeps it interesting. My oldest son, he's, like I said, we call him Checkmate Charlie. He's a chess whiz. He's a calculus guy, a math guy, something I'm not into. He's a unique person. He's somebody that I'm getting to know along with him growing. My middle son, he's the gamer, my little mini-me guy here. Everyone has their own interests.

My daughter is a completely different and unique individual. So getting to learn about them really reveals more about my. You know, so that's really the fun of it. Aiden, we were talking about some of your interests earlier. Yeah. What you like to read and stuff? Yeah. Well, reading, I really like the non-fiction, yeah, non-I mean, fiction books.

Yeah. Yeah. Gaming is a big one. I'll watch TV. I like going outside, shadow boxing, you know, working out, stuff like that. Do you shadow box? Not as much as I should, but yeah, that was a big thing. used to do, yeah.

What's the one thing you're most thankful for with what your dad does and how he's raised you? Well, him and mom taking care of me when I'm sick and them taking us places, when they listen to us, if there's something that we need or if there's just something that we need and if we need help, they'll always come to us. They're very helpful and they're very kind. We'd like to help Matt once in a while. It's funny, seeing you with your son being here in Nashville,

I know it's like a trip, a getaway with you too. It brings me back to when I was like 11 or 12. My dad took me on, I think in my whole childhood, we went on two one-on-one trips and just how special that time can be. At home, there's a bunch of chaos. There's always divided attention. You got kids or whatever, the normal responsibilities. but that time away when it's just like you could sit in the hotel room all day if you wanted to

and just hang out it's super special so it's fun to see it it's so important when you have four kids that that one-on-one time man and to us it may seem irrelevant but to them it could be the whole day the whole week even if it's just a walk to the bodega or if it's just a ride to the store whatever it may be i'll try to pick one a child to bring with me on a trip just so we have that one-on-one time or that one connection and you know sometimes we look at it as like it's no big deal in our life or oh man if i have to bring them it's going to be i have to slow down i have to do this but if you're just looking at it from their perspective it's really a big deal like i got that one-on-one time with that it's important yeah it's awesome you can get protein

at home or a protein latte at tim's no powders no blenders no shakers starting at 17 grams per medium latte tim's new protein lattes protein without all the work at participating restaurants in Canada. So you've interviewed, I mean, you're at episode 630, whatever right now on your show. You've interviewed a ton of different people and really have this unique insight because of, you know, there's very few people on the planet who like focus on fatherhood as much as you have. So you don't have any fancy licenses or degrees or whatever specific to this, but you have maybe the most exposure to this subject matter of anyone out there. What are some of the limiting factors for okay I'm a dad why what resources or accountability or community like

what can help me be a better dad well I would hope listening to first class fatherhood and reading the book would do that but you know what it is it's being able to talk to people like anything else find somebody that's had some success in your area and mimic them the success leaves clues it's the same thing with fatherhood and you know fatherhood is something you you spent four years going to college, right? You study a certain subject. If you're going to play a sport, you focus on studying and training. You don't just show up and start playing it. If you're going to be a doctor, you go through 10 years of law school and 100 million bucks before you get to do your first surgery, right? Fatherhood isn't like that. You don't go through an eight-month course or

a four-year class. Your father on day one, and now that's it. So it's this on the job learning experience and it keeps it fresh because even though we're all fathers, we all have a different experience in it. So when you bring on different guys, they've done things in different ways. It's hit them differently. People, depending on what part of their life they're in, they become a father. They have a different story than everybody else. So we're very unique. I mean, there's nine billion people on the planet, but there's only one Andrew East.

And that's it. You're a unique individual, you know, so you're going to have a unique experience. And to get a chance to capture that from all these different dads, it's been incredible. And I know it's helped so many guys. I get the emails. And that's the best part of it. Getting emails from guys who will reach out to me and say, man, I love what you're doing. It makes me feel like I'm doing a better job as a father.

I'm worried about it. You know how it is. you worry as a dad if you're doing the right thing. Am I doing, am I being the best dad that I can be? And sometimes you need that reassurance and it's helpful to talk to other fathers. Yeah. So you've interviewed some massive names on your show. It's impressive how connected you have become over the past four years of you doing the show.

And one of the things that stood out to me is in your interview with Matthew McConaughey, just to hear his take on how important the role of being a father is was, I felt like so impressive and he mentions how it's not just like a hey you're a father the baby comes you have you have the baby and you're done it's like a very active engaged thing and that really stood out to me i know we're all talking about the code but one of the one of the epidemics we got going is what you just brought up we've had it going for a while fatherless look we all got to understand more people have to understand that um fatherhood's a verb it ain't like you help make the baby and then you did it and now you're a father

oh now the work just begins and so if we're going to say let's just say for stereotypes we're going to keep our child are going to stay in our house till they're 18 on average all right it's 18 years of hard good work to be a father you can just say oh I'm a father and be and be a no show just because you made the baby no you may be a daddy but you ain't you're not the father yet the fatherhood takes work I love to have him Matthew on the show and I really consider him, and I say it to him. I consider him like an ambassador for fatherhood, and that's something I preach is about being an ambassador for fatherhood,

telling these young guys about how important it is. And I focus a lot on the fatherless crisis that we have going on in our country. And in my opinion, it's the number one social issue we have in our country. We're trying to solve all these other social issues, but at the core of our entire country is the family unit. And when you lose the country, when you lose the family, you lose the country. So it's so important to get the dad's involved. involved in Matthew McConaughey called it an epidemic and then went into a piece that I thought

was beautiful on the show. Yeah. The fatherless epidemic was the one part of that that really stood out to me. It's like jarring. It's like, wow. You know, we're all familiar with this other type of epidemic that we've all been exposed to or pandemic, whatever you want to call it. But what is the cause of this fatherless epidemic as you see it?

Well, there's three major factors into this, Andrew. Number one, you saw the shift in the 60s with the welfare. system that started to reward moms for not having a man in the home. So it was the no man at home and so people were starting to get almost in a sense rewarded for not having a man living in the home. You could see if you

look back into the 50s, you go back then the two parent households the fatherless rate was like maybe 9% tripled to today. And you started to see that happening in the 60s. And another major, major contributing factor to this is the divorce

family court system in this. country, which is really, I know I had Greg Ellis from the Pirates of the Caribbean. I know Johnny Depp was the big one in the news, but this guy, Greg Ellis, who was on all the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, he calls it the Family Court cartel. And in a world where we want everything to be equal, in the eyes of the family court, it's not equal. It's heavily leveled against fathers. And that has been a big, big problem where so many guys become financially strapped, they

become humiliated, they lose everything, all to fight for a small piece of custody with their children and some of them just put their hands up and walk away and there's way too many of that and also you throw in the mix we have deadbeat dads in the country those are the three major determining factors and why there's so few dads that are involved in their kids lives and it really is an epidemic so describe to me the the brighter future the better future and your perfect world what is what does it look like when fathers are engaged with their family well you all aspects of our society are going to improve if that's the case. And I think it can be done. And I have solutions in mind for that too. But if you look at all of the statistics that are crippling our country, if you look at the

suicide rate among youths, if you look at the teenage pregnancy, if you look at the incarceration rates, and I always, I never take away from single moms. And sometimes I get this. And it's not an attack on single moms. There's a lot of single moms that work miracles out there. And I have nothing but respect for them. And I'm not saying that if a child grows up without a father, he's going to end up in prison. But 85% of the youths that are sitting in a prison right now had no father in the home. So if you could start to get those numbers down, if you look at rapes, assaults, you look at every one of the categories, it all correlates to not having a dad in the home. And Andrew, it also goes the reverse way. If you look at the demographics, the four biggest demographics in this

country, right, Asian, Caucasian, Hispanic, and African American, if you look at the top earners in this country, it's Asian, Caucasian, Hispanic, African American. And if you look at the fatherless households, the number one fatherless household, African American, then Hispanic, Caucasian, and Asian has the lowest amount of fatherless homes. And they dominate in the categories of all of the ones that I just mentioned. So it matters. And the proof is really there if you look at it. So if we can get a control on that, get more dads engaged in their kids' lives, all of these

things are going to improve. And our society is going to be much better, much stronger, and a much better place to live. It is, it is amazing to think, I was just researching marriage and the, like, what are the actual benefits of marriage just like beyond you know the the mushy like oh you're in love for your whole life whatever and there's like tangible health benefits to staying married which you know plays into being an active father i think in a lot of ways um and and you know just the family unit on so many different levels from a societal standpoint does make an impact it's amazing um so

So anyway, I'm curious, like, what do you do actively with your kids, like, Aiden, to really, like, step in and impact them? Like, what are just some of the day-in-day-out routines, Aiden, feel free to chip in? I'm curious to hear your perspective on this. But, like, what are your rhythms? I would say some of those things, right? Like, you could say about pizza day, something like that, right? Yeah. I've always been a class parent for the kids in their school, and there's not many days.

Dad, one thing you notice when you do, if you're any of dads that are out there listening, if you're a class parent, you'll notice you may be the only one that's doing that in the class. So I've always tried to do that where I've been involved in their schools. Yeah. He's always there. Every week at my school, we have a pizza day, and he's always there giving kids pizza. He'll say something to the kids. He'll say something to my friends, and my friends will come up with me.

Aidan, your dad just told me to say three Hail Mary's before I eat my pizza. It's awesome. Yeah, sometimes what they'll try to do is if a lot of the, they'll pull a cute move, and on the slip, their parent had circled water, and they try to get a sprite. I'm like, hey, that's okay. Get the water and say two Hail Marys, we just sit down and eat your pizza. But I do the pizza day, so I show up. And then after I serve the pizza with the rest of the moms, I'll sit at his table and talk to his friends and get involved in the conversation.

I do the same from my daughter. I sit down and have conversation with them. And it's hilarious, and I love it. So it's just trying to be involved any way I can. Just our conversation at lunch, if you don't mind me sharing some of the things I picked up. So you kind of, it seems like, have the option to work other shifts in what you do, but you've chosen to work 7 p.m. to 3 a.m. Do I have that right?

Yep. You work the night shift, and you sleep from 5 a.m. to 10 a.m. So I guess you miss the kids going away to school. But the benefit is you pick them up at 2 p.m. You cook them dinner at 4.30 or whatever. Or you coach them until then. And you put them to bed at night, which is, uh, or. I guess you go to, yeah, you eat dinner together, which is, which is incredible.

And I just think about, I haven't really been there yet with my kids, but the one thing that I've heard in my conversation with other fathers is not, it's not, you don't have to do anything spectacular. You just have to be there, right? And it's the time that matters. And so I think about you being so intentional and making, you know, making it work in whatever you have to, whether that be an Uber driver, while you're also recording 636 episodes of podcasts, while you're also working a full-time. job while you're also cooking dinner every night. It's like, it's amazing. And I want to like give, I want to give you all the credit because you deserve it. But I just really respect and admire what you've done and how intentional you've been with your family. I appreciate that, Andrew. I just wanted to say, too, it helps when you make the schedule work for you rather than let the schedule

run you. You know, you got to run the schedule. And yes, the railroad does offer the opportunity to switch shifts. Yeah, yeah. And I picked one that works for me. Which is working through the night. which just seems like that's a sacrifice you know i guess so but i've been doing different shifts my whole life so like the whole day doesn't my day is different than everybody else is like i'm not on the same clock as everybody else so uh i i whatever my shift is going to be i make it work for me you really got to be intentional about your schedule and it's really important to get things done so you had steve harvey on your show and he has a really strong opinion on on how large of a role playing or being a father plays in a person's life as well.

This episode is brought to you by Defender. With its 626 horsepower twin turbo V8 engine, the Defender Octa is taking on the Dakar rally, the ultimate off-road challenge. Learn more at landrover.ca. And I really understood what love was, but at my father's funeral, I was sitting there, And I was looking at him laying up there, man. And when I got on the plane to go back to L.A., I said to myself, man, what do young boys and what do young men do who don't have this guy that I had?

Because he was one of the sole reasons I had become a success because he kept me on track. And I said, wow, when a young boy doesn't have a father, what does he do? How does he get to where he wants to go? Because I was clearly looking at my father's funeral, realizing that without this dude, I'm not here today. And that's what started the foundation work.

With my, I feel so fortunate that I guess it's kind of like a luck of the draw. My dad was super hands-on. He was at every practice. He would record all of our games. Like he'd be up in the media stand with a handheld camcorder recording it. But not everybody has that benefit, right? And so I'm curious what your relationship with your dad was like. Did you start all these traditions or like, was this, are you ground zero for what you want your

family from here and out, like growing from? Or how did that start? Yeah, I'm definitely a different father than my dad was. My dad was a used car salesman in the Bronx his whole life. He had me late in the game. He was 50 years old when he had me. I was the last of seven in a blended marriage. My mother was 43 when she had me. So I came along late in the game. My parents were already seasoned parents at that time, had raised kids that had moved out. I got a kind of different version of my dad than my older brothers did. And he brought a different, you know, it's different when you go to school. And my dad is old enough to be my friend's dad's dad.

You know, he could be their grandfather. So he brought a different perspective. His diso, and one thing, too, Andrew, from interviewing all these people, and it's true with myself, the way that parents disciplined growing up then was a lot different than it is now. Whenever I ask, and I ask all the dads, hey, what kind of disciplinarian are you? And is it different than the discipline style you grew up with? 95% of them will say, oh, it's much different than how I grew up.

I grew up. I grew up with the belt. I grew up with a switch. And they'll say, but I don't do that to my kids. And that's true of me too. I'm not a physical parent the way that my father was. And it wasn't because he was a bad dad or that's what you knew of had a parent. So I think things like that are definitely different. But I think the communication, I think, is just the same. I could talk to my father about anything. And I was true up until the day he died. I was able to speak to him about anything that I wanted to. And I'm hoping to develop. that relationship with my kids, that part of it, where even when they know that they're in trouble and they've done wrong, that they can come to me and say, hey, I'm in trouble here and I need some help. I want that more than I want anything else. It's easy to tell dad about the good things that are happening. It's hard when you're embarrassed and you're ashamed, and I want to make sure the door is open like it was for me. So speaking of making changes, you've made several in your life, if you don't mind us talking about some. We were just on the way here talking about the perspective change that I guess happened a couple when did that happen your

mind shift change uh it happened in 2000 I would say 18 right or at the end of 2017 beginning of 2018 and uh you know I started reading a lot of different and that really is what helped me starting to read and especially like um as a man thinketh think and grow rich certain different personal development type books that started to open my mind up to different possibilities and different ways of living because a lot of the times growing up, I was always this person that thought, yeah, I'll believe it when I see it. And my mindset shifted to once I believe it, then I'll see it. And I started to shift. I got into my Bible more. I got into reading more and more about the New Testament. I started reading more and more books, getting more information

and realizing there's this whole different. And part of the thing, a lot of the truth is, Andrew, is I blamed everything and everybody for what was going on in my life except myself. I never put myself on the blame list, whether that was with drugs and alcohol, whether that was with gambling. Every problem that I was having, I always pushed it out to blame something else. And the minute I started to point that finger inside towards me was I'd be able to start healing it and starting to make some real positive changes in my life. And it really, it really catapulted my life, man, to an amazing way. I'm sitting here with you right now talking about this stuff. So it's been a pretty dynamic shift. How has that believe it and then you'll see

mentality affected your parenting? Well, I think just like it affects everything else in my life, I have more faith and more trust in what is actually happening in the moment and not being so concerned about what is going to happen as a result of this. Easy way to, I know just to kind of give an explanation is the story of the Chinese farmer, right, where this guy has a horse and it runs away and everybody comes. Alan Watts tells this story. People listening that I've heard it before, but people come over and say,

oh, man, what a shame your horse ran away. And he says, ah, maybe. The next day, the horse comes back and brings seven horses with him. And they say, oh, wow, what luck? And he says, maybe. Then the next day, his son is training the horse. And the son falls off the horse and breaks his leg. And everyone says, oh, man, what a shame.

Your son broke his leg. He says, maybe. Then the next day, the army comes to sign people up from the army, and they reject his son because he's got a broken leg. And everyone says, wow, what luck? And he says, maybe. So you never know. What are the actual circumstances of what's happening right now in the moment that it's going to lead to in the future?

All we can see right now is the monetary changes. And I keep that in mind when things are happening with my kids and what I notice, maybe they're failing. There's a reason for why it's – I don't know if it's going to bring good consequences or bad ones. All I know is how my reaction right now is going to make a difference. So I'm very cautious about how I react to things when it's happening in their life. It is – I understood this maybe four years ago. the idea that how you perceive life is really kind of a choice, right? Like, obviously there's a million things that happen that are outside of our control,

the horse running away or whatever it is. But your perception on that event is up to you, right? And it's like, that's such a trivial, cliche thing to say. But when you understand that, it actually changes everything. And I think, I mean, that is the important derivative effect. I feel like of faith and Christianity where it's like, oh, there's always, there's always hope. And that has drastically impacted the decisions that I make and how I approach life. And when I, when I'm hit with an obstacle, like, hey, am I going to let this derail me completely?

Or is this just like, oh, this might be a bet. We'll see. We'll see. Yeah, Jock Willington, Navy SEAL talks about that as calling it good. Like he always says, you know, good when somebody says they have a problem, it gives them the opportunity to look at a for a solution. and Wayne Dyer calls this when you change the things you look at, the things you look at start to change.

And it's all true. And when you actually apply this in life, it works. And I think a part of my own story really, and a lot of people ask me, how have you got this guest or how have you been able to get to the Super Bowl and do all these different things? And I always tell them to read Mark 1124, which says whatsoever you ask for in prayer,

believe you have received it, and it will be yours. And then John also backs this up. And this changed my entire way of praying, the entire way I look at prayer. When you read the epistle of John, it says, this is the confidence that we should have when we pray. That when we pray, we know that God hears us. And if we know that he hears us, we know we already have what it is that we've asked for. And can you believe it? Can you have the faith to believe it?

I took a shot, and I had the faith to believe it. And I went from a kid who got a lifetime band from Giant Stadium to being invited by the NFL. to be on the floor at the Super Bowl talking to the greatest player that ever played the game about fatherhood and the subject that I'm really passionate about. So I know it works. I know that the mindset shift helps. And I know putting my faith, my trust in God, it's proven to be very beneficial. Jeez, it's amazing.

Oh, hi, buddy. Who's the best? You are. I wish I could spend all day with you instead. Uh, Dave, you're off mute. Hey, happens to the best of us. Enjoy some goldfish cheddar crackers. Goldfish have short memories.

Be like goldfish. Let's take a break to thank some of our partners for today's podcast. Today's podcast is brought to you by one of our favorites, modern fertility. You know the coolest thing about modern fertility, babe? What? You can get information about your health without even having to go to the doctor. That's right. It's an easy and affordable way to test your fertility hormones at home with a single finger prick.

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at a doctor's office. Get $20 off your fertility test when you go to modern fertility.com forward slash EastFam. Let's get back to it. Speaking of Jocko, his book, Extreme Ownership, man, like, that's another one that. that shook me whereas it's so easy to point the fingers as you were describing everywhere else but then once you're like hey what can i do about this what role did i play in this that's what being a man is and that's like being a dad it's just sometimes you suck it up take it in the face and say all right i did i'm in a mistake let's move forward stop with the

excuses really is all it is it's like all your excuses are BS and i loved having jocko on the show that was a real highlight for me too because i'm i'm a big fan of his and he's inspired millions of people all over the world so to have him on the show was it was intimidating for me like i felt like he was going to come true to screen and choke me like if i didn't if i asked him a wrong question but but but just as much as he comes off that way he's such an intelligent and well thought out in his responses it was really really cool to talk to him is is the podcast the source of conversation among you and your peers at school or is it like do people know about it oh yeah one of my friends uh he sent me a picture of him at uh barns and noble next to a pile of my

dad's books oh wow yeah hopefully it wasn't in the clearance rack that's yeah all my friends like one of my friends he's into wrestling and i'll tell him he had some like a j styles or edge you'll tell me i was wow that's crazy your dad talk to that guy my friends find it really cool some of my friends find it really cool it is interesting i've thought many times about what effect will sean being an olympian or you know us creating all these videos have on our kids it seems It seems like it's been pretty positive for at least this one so far. Yeah, it's fun. My family is my biggest support, Andrew.

They're the biggest supporters of the podcast, you know. So they're always, even when I'm having my own doubts about anything that I'm doing, they're always there to help me, you know, and they've been the best support system ever. That's awesome. Well, it's fun to meet you guys. I hope to meet more in the future. Tony Hawk was another one, another interview you did that I wanted to talk about. He talked about values and what he wanted to instill in his kids.

Oh, I think having accountability and being responsible and, I mean, you know, it all seems cliche, but making good choices, if nothing else, that's what I hope that I've led them by example with is making good choices. And for them to also take time for themselves, you know, to not just be so hyper-focused on work or on on goals and to to goof around. I mean, as silly as that sounds, that keeps your mental health so much in check. With them, I mean, that's what I try to, that's usually where I find my balance is just kind of doing stuff with them, you know, however playful or what seems like a waste of

time to have time with them is never a waste of time. Sean and I went through this whole process of like, you know, people say, oh, you need to set values and it helps you establish a rudder for how you go about life. We, our process for doing that was like Googling the word values and then like choosing from a list, right? But then we went through this, it was a half day kind of exercise where we did this whole sequence of things where it was like, hey, what situations do you feel like you're able to like step up and lead in or like thrive in? What situations do you not feel comfortable? And it's like they run you through a couple of these kind of exercises where you write down tangible things.

And at the end of the day, we had like this list of values for what we do. I'm curious, what are the values that you want to instill in your kids? Yeah, well, first of all, it's the golden rule is to treat people the way that you want to be treated. I think that's the most common one, too, that a lot of the dads that I interview will say. And there's nothing more important than that than to know that when you're not around, integrity as well as, like, when you're not there, that your kids are going to represent the way that you've raised them. I mean, it's so important.

And it usually, I coach a lot of kids in a lot of different sports. And the first thing you think of when you see a kid behaving in a certain way is you think of, where are the parents there for that kid? What are his parents like? The parents must not be involved. So it's important that they represent themselves like good human beings, that they treat other people, all people, the way that they would want to be treated. That's the most important thing.

As long as they're good people, that's really the most important value that I hope that they have, is that fact of treating people with fairness and kindness and being able to be there for others. I mean, that's really the most important one. But the other ones, too, like I said, integrity and to just, I would love for it to be family-oriented as well. one of the things in my family is like a lot of the people that don't talk to one another and they have these estranged relationships like they do on my wife's side as well is that they don't allow small disagreements to become these things where they never speak to one another again so i want to make sure i keep those bonds close with them and remember that they're on the same team

even when things are going difficult with them i have a question for you dad-to-dad do you have four kids we have two ours or way younger i feel like you have to be with the age of your kids way more strategic just them being older and like they're they're making a lot of their own choices at this point how do you go about you mentioned you know uh uh your son who's a chess player chess or check chess they're very unique in their own way right where they're be gaming or yeah they're own interest they have their own decision making processes how do you cater to that or do you you got to just support what they're into rather than try to steer them into I wish, you know what, you're guilty early on, like, because I was always a big football nut growing up.

Like me and my brother, we played football, we ate, drink, and slept football, we loved it. My older two kids, I tried them in flag football, tried them in basketball, and are they athletes, the older two? I mean, so, you know, I tried to give them a taste of it, coached them, got into it, you know, put the eye black on, got, you know, what, it wasn't for them. What their interests were is what you have got to get behind and rally behind. Like I said, my oldest son is a calculus, a math guy. I couldn't hold a candle to what he knows and he's able to accomplish. So the sky is the limit for him. So I'm just trying to support him in the best way that I can and help guide him through.

And obviously, unfortunately, the part of life is that you have to come across failure and difficulty is the only way to seem to really get any real natural growth in life. So just to be there when those falls happen and kind of tell him, like, you know, encourage him. Like, you can keep going now. That's all right. you know and hopefully they're few and far between but hopefully I could be there when that happens but as far as what they're into I never played chess ever until my oldest son Chris got into it and I learned how to play it so that I could bury him in the game and it hasn't worked out too well yeah I was about to say how's that working out but he's a chess player too we're all we all play

it now we all love it that's great hit pause on whatever you're listening to and hit play on your next adventure this fall get double points on every qualified stay life's the trip Make the most of it at Best Western. Visit bestwestern.com for complete terms and conditions. Okay, so you've interviewed all different types of dads, athletes, movie stars, politicians. Is there any genre of like dads who you haven't spoken with yet that you'd like to? Man, that's a good question. I don't really, I mean, I'm open to speak.

I want to try to hit all the genres. Like I said, I've had the best 10-pin bowler in the world all the way to the fisherman. And, you know, I've tried to hit all categories. I don't know if there's really necessary one that alludes me. I've never had a professional tennis player. I mean, I would like to try to see if I get it. It just was close there with Devac Djokovic. Wow.

But I just got the turn down. But I got the contact. So we'll stay on them, that's for sure. But there's something like that, I would say. And I'm open to trying to hit them all, you know. That's the goal here to get as many different vibes as I can. Because when you can reach a different community, that's the whole idea of it. These guys have a huge reach.

And I think them speaking about the importance of fatherhood is great for their base because it's going to reach that many more people who are in tuned to what they're saying and they can really have the influence over them. We've mentioned a couple of our favorite interviews that you've done. What are some of the ones that there's so many to go through, but what are some of your favorite, as far as content? Like, wow, this guy had something really good to say interviews that you've done. Well, man, so many people drop so many, like, wisdom bombs on the show that catch me.

but a lot of people will ask me like all these different ones for me a personal favorite is and I know I've spoken to you like I love the Navy SEAL community I'm drawn to that community just because I'm just so mind boggled that we produce men like that in this country and I'm fascinated by their mindsets and I bring a lot of them on the show and my favorite book that I've read in the Navy SEAL genre is fearless it's a book about Adam Brown who was a seal team six operator who overcame addiction lost his eye lost the use of his shooting hand and was able to retrain himself and not only be able to do SEAL team training, but went up and did Dev Gruer Seal Team 6 at the top of the chain and performed at a high level with overcoming all that. He was killed in action in 2010 in Afghanistan. And I did an interview with his father, Larry Brown, from Memorial Day, two years ago. And it was probably the only time I ever did an interview where I got emotional in the interview. And I felt like I kind of knew Larry a little bit from,

I read the book probably like five times, listened to the audio book. and I felt like I knew what he had been through and I just like I just listening to him speak about his son who was a dad Adam had two kids and just listening to him talk about who his son was and what he meant to the family and how he wanted to be this father who he was becoming it was amazing for me and I finally kind of felt during the interview like man

I don't even know if I should be speaking to him like I felt kind of like I was in over my head so to speak that but his own story he's a veteran he told so beautifully. It was a great tribute to his son and it really has a special place in my heart that interview. So I really encourage people to listen to it because I thought it was really cool. That's great. Aidan, is there anyone that you look up to like, I know your big basketball guy, your Bengals fan? Do you want your dad to interview anyone in particular? Well, a lot of boxers that I like, like George Foreman, someone he's been trying to have on his show is someone

that I like that I'd like him to interview. There are a few YouTubers. I know a YouTube. I know a YouTube or Dan TDM had a kid recently. Yeah. You're a big YouTube guy? Yeah. Nice. Yeah, my kids, they do to YouTube. They ask me, I don't know who these people are, so I got to look into them and reach out.

That could be a community I haven't hit his gamers. I was close with Tim the Tatman. He's got some kind of thing going. But we'll see if we can make it materialize. That would be super interesting because I feel like there's a whole kind of stereotype that people put on gamers. But what does their life at home look like? Yeah. It would be super interesting.

Man, that's good. So you have your own. YouTube channel, speaking of YouTube, called First Class Fatherhood, and joining the Family Made Network, my vision and goal for you and your show, Alec, because we love the message that you're sharing. And I feel like there's so much alignment with the goal of, and the belief that families and strong families really can impact the world in such an amazing and tangible way. And so my goal is to grow your show, get in front of more people, and help you do that in

whatever way we can, which we've discussed a lot of different ways we can do that. But whether that be taking things off your plate, helping bring in more sponsors, I'm so excited to see the effect of this partnership. And I really hope that the effect is to have stronger fathers at the end of the day. And anyway, I'm so impressed with what you've built. And I'm talking about your family as well as your show, as well as your career. Like you're a guy who just goes about things in a deliberate way, which whether I like the style all the time, you know, the Bronx accent for sure is a I love it. I love the accent.

But it's Bronx, right? I'm born in the Bronx, yeah. Is it a Jersey accent? It's a North Jersey. It's a popery. So, but intentionality, I feel like, is the key word. So I thank you for joining the show Glad you brought Aiden

If you haven't noticed their ties They are first class fatherhood Go ahead and flash That's a special edition That's pretty Yeah NFL all the NFL guys Some of the NFL guys

That Alec has out on a show And yours is what This is just like a mix of a different guys They got Tony Hawk on there Jocko Dana White Jason Alexander Or Al Roker This is just like a popery kind of thing

I used that word twice And it was just kind of weird that I use it twice. But, yeah, so it's just kind of a mix. I have different ties. Like, I have a Navy SEAL tie. You know, I try to cater the tie to the certain event that I'm doing. I brought the backdrop, too, like you'll see, I use that.

Because, you know what? The people that come on are what make the show. And so I always try to highlight them where I can. I think their messages are important. I love what you and Sean do. I think another part of this problem that we're having is so much of the media in this country is so negative. It hits people over the head.

And we've become a country that everybody will stop to look at the accident on the side of the road and nobody is going to stop to take a look at the rose bush that's growing there and we got to turn that mindset around too and that's why i love you guys put out this positive content out there you don't get into all this blue stuff that's that people the click bait that people are looking for and we need it man we need it more than everything and not only that the united states we lead the world in fatherless households there's no other country they got more fatherless households than we do and if we can reduce that number and maybe play a small part in it boy that would be something wouldn't it i'll never forget watching the social dilemma which is all about how

social media is polarizing our society. And there's a part where I think it was Robert McNamara mentions that we as a society need to find the thing that glues us together and brings us together. And in my mind, that's when it clicked where it's like it's family. That's the one thing where if you're a Democrat and I'm a Republican and I tell you that I can't make this session because I'm having a kid, you get it. Like there's no bad blood. You know what I'm saying?

Like you'll support me and helping me be there in whatever way possible. And it's like family is that glue that there's empathy. their sympathy, there's understanding all around, and it gets me fired up. So that's a mission, that's the goal. One quick last closing question, for the moms out there who might be single moms, what words of encouragement do you have for them? Because, you know. Well, yeah, that's an important question, Andrew.

And it is to find a father figure for your son or for your daughter. You really got to find a father figure because it's so important. So many of the dads that I've interviewed grew up without a father in the home and found that positive fatherhood figure. a father figure role model in the military, and it straightened them out. Some of them found it in a coach through a sport, and it straightened them out. The ones that find it in the street and don't find a positive role model as a male role model for them are why we're filling up to penitentiaries with fatherless kids.

All right, so I've spoken to several sheriffs. I spoke to Bernard Carrick, who ran Rikers Island for years over there. They see the same thing. I just did, oh, boy, the name slipped me. He was a former member of the Colombo crime family. He got a huge YouTube channel. Really? Yeah.

Why am I slip? Michael Francis. You know, they have somebody playing his role in Goodfellas. I mean, he was a big-time mob guy who turned his life around. Christian now does a lot of preaching, does a lot of good in the communities. But he talked about being in the penitentiary. He said you could write the same script for all these guys coming in. Follow this household.

Mother was working two jobs to try to put food on the table. Couldn't handle the son as he was growing up. He got with the local gangbanger. whom here he is in prison. And it's just a repeat cycle. So I would say find positive role models for your sons and for your daughters. It's so imperative. Wow.

Well, kudos to you for being that for so many people as you share your content. Aidan, any last words? Yeah. One more thing. My dad reminded me when he said he coached my brothers is that I'm no father myself, but... You better not me. But something that I think most fathers should do is not only, do what your kids want, but show them things that you like to do and you want to do with them

because even if they're not interested, at least you're trying to see what they're interested in, like especially being disciplined and not only just doing, giving them what they want, cheeseburgers and French fries for dinner, but, you know, giving them their vegetables, all that stuff. I think it's very important. I'm going to remember that on Brussels Sprout Night. That's great. Aidan, thanks for joining us.

Alex, thank you. For those listening that want to check out Alex's show called First Class Fatherhood, as well as his book that recently came out with the same name. We'll link that information down below. Alec, thank you again. It's been a pleasure, and I look forward to what the future holds. Stoked. I'm stoked, Andrew.

I'm honored to be on here. Honor to get to work for family made. Let's do it. Let's do it, baby.