Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 134 | elite marriage with nick and stefany bare

Episode Date: October 5, 2022

For today’s episode, we got to interview Nick and Stefany Bare! Nick is an athlete, a father, and the founder+CEO of the highly successful performance supplement company Bare Performance Nutrition. Nick and his wife, Stefany, recently welcomed their first child into the world and we loved getting to chat with them about how that transition has been going, how they balance being entrepreneurs with parenting, and what training looks like for both of them in this season. We loved this conversation and we know you will too!  This episode is sponsored by the two brands we love below. Check them out! Levels ▶ If you want to better understand how food affects your health and try a continuous glucose monitor yourself, go to https://levels.link/eastfam to learn more. Modern Fertility ▶ Get $30 off your fertility test when you go to https://modernfertility.com/eastfam30/ Find out more about Nick and Stefany below! Nick’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nickbarefitness/?hl=en Stefany’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stefany.bare/?hl=en Bare Performance Nutrition Follow My Instagram ▶ http://www.instagram.com/ShawnJohnson Like the Facebook page! ▶ http://www.facebook.com/ShawnJohnson Follow My Twitter ▶ http://www.twitter.com/ShawnJohnson Snapchat! ▶ @ShawneyJ Follow AndrewsTwitter ▶ttp://www.twitter.com/AndrewDEast Follow My Instagram ▶ http://www.instagram.com/AndrewDEast Like the Facebook page! ▶ http://www.facebook.com/AndrewDEast Snapchat! ▶ @AndrewDEast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When you're with Amex Platinum, you get access to exclusive dining experiences and an annual travel credit. So the best tapas in town might be in a new town altogether. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Terms and conditions apply. Learn more at Amex.ca. all right today we are interviewing nick and stephanie bear what a pleasure it was to have them here in the studio live and in person we got to spend a lot of time with him and get to know them before this interview which made it really fun that's right we talked about a lot of things if you don't know nick

bear he served in the army started youtubeing that whole process and then has formed a supplement company on top of that and he does all these crazy challenges he's a freak athlete and his wife stephanie is no less impressive. She was a personal trainer, actually lived here in Nashville, and together, I really respect how they approach life. We talk about what it means to be a high performer in all aspects of life, including your marriage. People talk about how to be an elite business leader or elite athlete, but what does it mean to have an elite marriage? And I love their take on it. And then we go in depth on babies and marriage and relationships and all of that because they have a two and a half month old little girl so they're in the thick of it uh this is an awesome conversation one that we don't

think you guys should miss so with that we bring you nick and stephanie bear we're excited to hear what you think of this one let's roll into it i'm excited about this conversation stephanie nick because talk about high performance uh athletes talk about high performance business owners you guys meet all these criteria for like what people think about when they say high performance But I'm curious, what does that look like and what does it mean to have a high performance marriage or relationship? Because here's my thing. You hear about people like Elon Musk, Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos, like, man, trillions of dollar net worth. Dope, awesome.

Or Bezos is now, you know, jacked physically. But what is it? He's huge. He's a good. He's a good shape. He's jacked. What? He's a good shape.

How did this happen? There's a bunch of memes where it's like 20 years ago. he's a bald, like, fat guy, and now he's, like, in good shape. Easy. Anyway, what? Nothing. He knows what I'm talking about. He is reverse engineered aging.

It's amazing. Yeah, he looks younger. I got to look this up. I didn't know that was the thing. But if you apply, like, what does it mean to apply the strategy, the thought, the, you know, that competitor's mindset to relationship and marriage? And I feel like you guys are the most equipped to answer that question. So that's why I'm excited for this conversation.

Oh, my bad. Can I kick it off with? Kick it off, honey. Okay. So to preface that, I was telling Seth this story the other day, actually on a podcast we were doing together. But I heard the story. It was years ago. I remember where I heard the story, it was an interview.

I was driving on my way to work. It was on University Boulevard, probably a mile from our HQ. There's a McDonald's, the right of me. There's a Baylor Scott White Hospital that left me. Every detail. I can, I can, there was construction. Like, I can paint this picture. And it was this interview of this gentleman who spent decades building this business.

And finally got to the day where he could sell his business. And he sold his business for $100 million. And they asked this guy, well, what are you going to do now that you spent, or you sold your business for $100 million? He said, I'm going to travel the world with my family. And he went and told his family, I want to travel the world with you. And they said, dad, we don't even know you. We don't want to travel the world with you. we had nothing

so when I think of high performance high performer um I think it it goes back to this foundation of choosing your priorities but then making sure your calendar is aligned with those priorities so a conversation we've had a lot and

I've had with other people is someone might say their kids are their priority their significant other is a priority in their life God is a priority their life. Look at the calendar. But then you look at their calendar and it's like, no work for you as a priority. You spend a majority of the time at work and no time with your family.

So I think in order to be a high performer, it comes down to prioritizing what's important and then making sure your calendar is aligned with those priorities. And I think too for us, we use this word just in our marriage, everyday intention is like something that we are always conscious of. Like everything we do, especially now being new parents, like everything has. have an intention behind it how you spend your time who you're spending your time with i think that's like my buzzword for we've been married for two years but i think i just always try to keep that in the back of my mind like everything we do make it meaningful um and just yeah life gets busy but as

long as you can just keep those priorities straight and make sure your calendar matches your values i think that's been good for us that's been really centering for us i do love the i love the I love the word intention. It was the last thing. I'll hand it off to you then. But a few, it was probably two years ago, I was walking through the office.

And my media director had this sticky note on its computer. And it said lack of intentionality leads to a repetition of what is easiest. And ever since I saw that sticky note, I've kept thinking, wow, like intentionality, intentions are that important because when you forget about them or lack them, you just go through the motions. I don't know why that, like,

just hit my soul when it comes to kids. I'm like, oh my gosh. It's so true because it's so easy now that we have toddlers. It's so easy for us to take the easy way out every night and be like, oh, just like go play with your toys. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine.

But you can be very intentional with it. I'm curious though in the past few years, you guys have gone through the roller coasters of milestones with your business, getting ready to take off. You're trying to sell with marriage, now with a baby. That intention side of your relationship where you. You want to keep things matching when it comes to priorities and calendar and in your thought. How have you kind of navigated that through some of the biggest milestones of your life? Ebs and flows.

I would say for sure. I mean, gosh, I feel like what year does everyone say is the hardest year? I mean, we've only been married for two years, but we've been together for five. I feel like everyone has a different, like, oh, it's the three years, it's a seven-year age. But for us, I feel like the first year of marriage, a lot of people say it's hard. It was really, really difficult for us. I think just with still kind of figuring each other out and balance, I guess, and figuring out work and what I need and what he needs, why would you say it's the first year? It was the most difficult.

I just, I feel like you're still getting to know each other in a new role, if that makes sense. Well, it's like one of the things where people. always told me when you get married or you have kids life changes and then the response is always like well you're just it's just a paper you're signing or just a ring you're putting on your finger it is so different that when you actually it is very different yeah where I think it comes down to like selfishness I said this to you guys earlier like when we had Charlie one of the first things I realized was I couldn't be selfish with my time anymore same thing happened we got married I realized I can't be selfish with my time anymore there's someone I have to share my time with and I'd say

that was one of the hardest parts of being a high performer in life as you're used to go go go and having to slow down a little bit and be more intentional and deliberate with checking with someone else rather than just you know answering to your own thoughts and needs yeah I think that was probably one of the hardest parts yeah so let me asked you why did you want to have a kid you guys are both a very much go type personality right like you probably had some vague idea that a kid would slow that down you know for me it's always just I've always wanted to be a mom it's just been like one of my biggest bucket list items and I think we both come from relatively like smaller families and I have friends that have like huge large families

and it just looks like so much fun and that's something that we see for ourselves everyone's always like checking it after the first kid you still want a big family And we're like, we think. We think so. But I think it's just the biggest blessing in the world. Like you guys know. Like being able to raise and shape and mold a human is such a privilege. And even just being a parent for two months, like I can't wait to just build your own little tribe.

Like even just seeing what you guys have built with your family. Like there's little mini you. Like it's amazing. And yeah, it's everything. It is crazy. like how everyone says like the unconditional love that you feel when you see them you're like this is 50% me 50% Nick like it's like half of you and half of the person you love the most in the world like it's wild I think we were ready for that next chapter or season I think we thought

we were ready for it yes but what we what we thought it was going to be three months ago is a lot different than what it is now with that being said I think we were ready for the next chapter but you know the song daughters by our daughter by ben rector of course yes talks about how it's next anthem right now he's like a pride to it a million times i i love that song and i've been singing to charlie while she's in her back at night but it's so true because when you're younger and you're first getting started and you're single you're worried about your career getting bigger and larger and making money and like you dream of what life looks like and then You get married and you get ready to start a family and you have your kids.

You're like, okay, my perspective on the meaning of life has changed literally overnight. And I couldn't really relate to that song before Charlie was born, but now that she's born, I can 100% relate to that song. Always blaring in our house. Love that song. Dude, Ben Rector puts out some jams. Oh, yeah. He sat in that chair, like right before I was, and he said the audio quality in here. is great.

What a compliment. That's the best compliment you ever. And then Andrew proceeded to like harass him and say, can you sing something for us? Yeah, I did. I was like, stop. I have a lot of embarrassing moments. But I don't. Ask him if he'll do a duo with me with the.

Or a trio between all three. Yeah, perfect. Would you think the high pitch or the low? I always go high. I was just going to say, you go high, always. This is a total sidebar. But the song, Picture by Cheryl Crow. kid rock.

Yeah. I'm always taking a high on that. You know that song? Yeah. Yeah. If you can't hit the note, go high. Yeah. When we were having lunch earlier, we talked a lot about just like the struggles of a baby early on

and how the whole world tries to prepare you for a baby was like you need swaddles and you need the snoo or whatever it is. But they never prepare you for the toll it takes on your relationship because you're introducing someone else into your marriage. and they're permanent. They're there to kind of steal part of your heart forever. And I remember the first couple of months with Andrew and I, we were sleep deprived.

We were probably hadn't eaten anything, sleeping on the couch or the floor, had no idea what we were doing. And you very quickly learn the differences in your spouse when it comes to parenting. And I think more, like I have a vaguer question broadening out, but the redirects within your marriage, like when things slowly start to kind of get off path or you you find your priority as work

or you find your priority as Charlie instead of your spouse how do you kind of have those conversations to bring it back into the right intention step's always the good one the right one to be aware and sit me down and tell me i've had to give him a couple pep talk since we've been parents because a high performer going back to that being a high performer I think Nick had this expectation for himself what he's going to be as a dad. He's going to be like, hands on, always there. Like a stay-at-home dad, but we both knew, like, he couldn't do that, you know, running a business and doing all that he does.

So I know that he had this standard in his head of what he wanted to be. And I told him all the time, you were exactly the dad that I thought you were going to be. Like, it's incredible to watch. But I could tell the first few weeks he was really down on himself because, number one, like, guys. And I was so against this. I'm like, no, 50-50. like he's going to be helping out 50% you just can't like there's certain things you just can't do you

don't have boobs right like you just can't why do they just don't work yeah and i learned too quickly that yeah a lot does majority fall on the mom yeah especially in the first month so i could tell he was feeling guilty and just he was really you were stressed about work life balance for sure and i could tell he felt guilty when he went back to work and i'm like this is normal like i'm here holding down the fort this is what i've always wanted and there was just one night my mom was still um staying with us helping out and i'm like he went out by the pool to just like take a breather and i could tell he was struggling he was just like tired and i think just had a busy day at work and he's just like i got to see charlie for like 10 minutes before she fell asleep and i'm like mom i'm gonna go give nick a pep

talk really quick because he needs it i think just realizing like when your partner needs a pep talk and when they kind of just need to be like reassured like you're doing a good job like i suck to you with this you suck at this, we all suck at this right now. Like we're learning as we go. But just kind of like lifting your partner up in like the low moments, which we've had plenty of those in the past couple months. Forcing the conversation that needs to be had,

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We'll link it down below. Let's get back to it. There's very few times where, like, I say, I need some alone time. I need to go walk this one off. That was one of those moments. And I went out and I sat by the pool. And I was like, I'm a failure. Because, you know, when you're trying to handle or juggle all these things,

and then you realize I'm not doing any of these things at 100% and you want to do all these things at 100%. It's like, I'm failing at everything. That's how I felt. And then Steph saw it in me and she came out and talked to me. And I feel like there was a really big shift in just the energy of, like, our parenting style in that moment. We're like, okay, like, we're doing this together. We got this.

Like, there's going to be days like this. And, yeah, it's just talking it out and, like, not, I didn't want him to, like, stay down, you know? And, like, I fell down too. And I'm like, I need a pep talk right now. But I'm the one right now that has to give it. And then there's probably be a moment tomorrow when you need to give me a pep talk. and just kind of keeping each other up during the... Well, someone asked us...

Someone asked us the other day who wears the pants in a relationship. And we both... I mean, we were going over the questions. There was a Q&A on Instagram that we were going to record for a podcast. And as we were driving in dinner, we were doing a date night.

We were just going over the questions. And she brought it up. She's like, who do you think wears pants in the relationship? We've never talked about this in our marriage. We never talked about it. Yeah. And I was like, we both do. We wear different pants, you know, and you said one leg. We both have a leg in the pant, but I definitely have seen like this shift where before

Charlie was born, I felt like I had to be like the leader of the family. And I still feel that responsibility. However, now that Charlie's born, like, Steph is like. I run the show. She is a huge leader in the family. And I knew my role in that of, okay, how can I support? I think a lot of it's like eliminating ego and role titles

and it's like how can we support each other to do our best in where we're wearing the pants in that that part of the relationship. Dude I think that's so true. That's so good. Like the ego is the thing where it's like oh you know some people have this super tight grip

on I need to be the head of the family and make all the decisions but the result and the side effect of that is like you're not doing anything well you're super stressed out more than need to be and i think you're losing an aspect of marriage that i think is one of the coolest things where like that pep talk moment how cool is that one that that's a that's an interaction that nick and stephanie have never had before like that's a new adventure like a new way to get to know each other and like you supported him in that which

obviously it's a tough moment like the the origin of that is tough but you made it like a lifelong kind of like, hey, we're planning our flag here and, like, we're supporting each other. I think that's the coolest freaking thing ever. Yeah. But I, like, I think the marriage and parenting, that whole sequence of the difficulty in transitioning into those, like the first year for us was brutal. The first four months of our first kid, brutal. I was listening to your podcast about how parenting changed you and the way you verbalize

like that blur of the first couple months. I was like, dang, dude, that's, it's so real. And the tension, it's, there's so much frustration. And I think it's because, like, there's this identity shift that happens where, man, like, here I am, like, a 20-something-year-old guy. I get married and now it's so frustrating because I have this wife to run things through and, like, she's limiting my travel schedule or she's not letting me do that. Oh, that's a wrong way to look at it, though.

Because, like, I think it. in that episode, you use the word redline where it's like you're high performer, you're right on that, like you're maxing out your time, you're as efficient as you can be. The cool thing is I think if you

take it in stride and you're patient enough with the process, one of the side effects of marriage and parenting is like your capacity grows, I think, beyond what you could ever have dreamed. Like we thought we thought we were like, pretty high functioning we thought we were busy before kids before

parenting and then you look back and you're like I am so much more dialed in I'm doing so much more and way better because one your priorities set in true it's a and I'm excited for you guys to experience it because I know you're in the frustrating thing like two and a half months Charlie is it gets so much better and I think you'll look back on this moment this conversation and be like man like that that was tough but as with any challenge like you freaking push through it you learn and you come out better on the other side but I'm trying to think of the analogy of

no no analogy Sean loves my analogies. His analogies are terrible I'll sing it too just I'll hold on let me finish my analogy let's just you know like when you're

you're lifting weights right and say you're doing like heavy squats set of 10 you're on you're on set or you're on rep 5 the way to make it through that set is not like if you're just focusing on how bad it hurts you're not gonna you're not gonna excel but if you have the bigger goal in mind like hey this I'm setting a PR or like hey this is helping me train for whatever event like zooming out and viewing the bigger picture I think is is so helpful and applying that to the marriage and

parenting like that that was a beautiful analogy we're going to have to do a comment I saw where you're going with it. I know. We just had to drop it up there. So I'll just end it there. With that being said, like piggyback off that. I think that's what's been hard for me in terms of being a new parent is, like I've done like these race preps, for example, or these training preps. And they're pretty formulaic where you can control a lot of it.

I need to do this workout at this time at this pace to achieve this end result. But what I've learned with Charlie so far is there's so much I can't control. And for me, that's frustrating because I see point A to point B, which might be like zero to one year, then one year or two years. And I can't just like lay out this, this plan and program to get her to this certain point. I just need to like facilitate the process. You're not a go with the flow type of person. And I feel like motherhood has made me that, especially right. now because they kind of run the show.

And, yeah, I think that's been a tricky part for us both. Wait, I didn't get charged for my donut. It was free with the Tim's Rewards points. I think I just stole it. I'm a donut stealer. Ooh. Earn points so fast, it'll seem too good to be true. Plus, join Tim's Rewards today and get enough points for a free donut, drink, or

timbits. With 800 points after registration, activation, and first purchase of a dollar or more, see the Tim's out for details at participating in restaurants in Canada for a limited time. There were a lot of massive learning curves for us early on because when we got pregnant, we did that. Like we both come from athletic backgrounds where let's lay out the plan. Here is the training schedule for the next year. And we're like, this is what the birth plan is.

This is how we're going to raise them. This is the sleep scheduling. This is all of these things. Then you have a kid and you figure out they're a human and they have their own little lines and preferences and it's not up to you anymore it's truly you have to kind of go with the flow and i think combining that with similar to when you were saying when you guys got married you're getting used to each other there are still new things you're figuring out after you have a baby the identity changes and everybody i became a completely different human being i was very opinionated i went

from being more laid back to being very opinionated and maybe to his chagrin but it there's just like a lot of push and pull and it makes the tension within your marriage and your business and stuff it makes that hard and it makes for hard conversations because you don't even know how to navigate it you don't know what you're going through what's kind of like your your pressure point situation right now that you're in what what's causing tension yeah I would say for me not to dig up bones or anything it is gee Sean it's probably balancing work business you know leading a growing business that requires a lot of time and energy i'd take equally time and energy and uh and then trying to show up for this very active and supportive

father and husband because and the reason i say energy is because even if i show up at 5 p.m and i'm there the rest of the night with the family if I'm dead tired, I don't have the energy to show up for the family. So right now, like, my biggest tension is trying to build systems and infrastructure in the business that allows me to spend more time with family. But, like, having Charlie has forced me to take those steps, which has been great. But now it's in the weeds of establishing those steps. So there's, like, this certain father and husband I want to be.

And there's a certain business leader I also want to be. I'm trying to figure out how to mesh those two blocks. I'm in the process. I'm going to figure it out. Right now, I don't have it figured out. And I think to you, we always say like, we say you're patient. And what do we say? You're patient in like the long game of things.

Like building a business or going to Ranger school. Like you're patient with that kind of stuff. But in the day to day, like with this. He's like, well, when is she going to be able to, like, nap at a consistent time? And when can we do all this? And I'm like, you can't really, you have to have, like, a lot of patience with the newborn. And I feel like that's really exercised your patient's muscle. Charlie has, absolutely.

And I feel like that's really, we've seen a lot of growth in our marriage with that. Even, like, I feel like before Charlie, you would get really mad at me when I'm, like, five, ten minutes late. And now you just kind of, you're quiet about it. because he sees like all the work in it to get out of the door nothing you do I know you still hate when I'm late but I mean I just

I tell her a different time of when we're supposed to be yeah yeah baby time backed up like an hour yeah I think I think the pressure point like for me especially especially with him and how demanding his career is

running business and he has to show up every single day and I'll show up at home at night too like it never really turns off before Charlie like I was able to to like kind of control my day and also work and just kind of like do what we want when we want and now I feel like for me I wasn't really sure how I was going to feel about being a mom and working and I'm like okay well I'm going to give myself the space to figure it out like maybe being a mom is all I've ever wanted and that will be fulfilling for me and I won't need to go back to work

and for me that's just I love to connect with women and I have a women's lifestyle blog so for me it can kind of grow with me which is really great but I'm like I don't know how it's going to look after And it's been a really big struggle for me trying to figure out do I need to just be a mom right now? Because I have this like itch already, you know, two months postpartum. I want to work. I want to work. But I know that that's not the priority right now. So I tell ourselves all the time, like we just need to be where our feet are.

Like sometimes when like Charlie's napping, I'm like, I should be working right now. But I'm like, there's other things I need to be doing that will make me a better mother and wife right now. And that's the season we're in. And that's okay. So I think it's just like fighting the urge to be a high performer in different. areas of life and someone said something um because in that podcast we recorded i was kind of like being down about i feel like i'm not accomplishing a lot right now and someone's like you're accomplishing the most amazing thing right now like you're raising a human that's the biggest

accomplishment of all and that totally shifted my mindset i'm like you're right like i am actually doing something amazing right now it's just a little different than like my work mindset you know something stuff's really good at right now that i need to work on is being present Because I'm always thinking of the next thing, even in terms of a day. Hey, when am I going to work out? When I'm going to eat this meal? When I'm going to answer this email? When I'm going to work on this project.

So I get angry at myself when I'm where I'm supposed to be. But my mind is elsewhere. And like me and stuff ever having a conversation and I'm thinking about like, I'm trying to solve a business problem in my head while she's asking me a question. And I know I'm not listening to anything she's saying. I feel very bad. she's really good at at being present she's gotten a whole lot better since charlie's been born that's still an area that i'm trying to improve thank you what i hearing you say that makes me

reflect on what i did poorly the first couple months of our first kid where it was uh like dude like a four-month-old's not doing anything so i would i loved holding him her and him yeah and like cuddling with him but i was so easily like like like do that and then also be responding to emails totally and i think that's translated into now drew is like playing like we're doing toys and stuff it's awesome like this is what i've waited for my whole life right yeah and i'm still i've been in the habit of like i'm there with her like but i'm i'm like checking my phone i'm thinking about that so like i guess don't i mean be aware of the habits you're forming and also like realize that you probably don't

don't need to be I don't know spending all day with the baby but when you do make sure that you're forming good habits in that like all right 20 minutes just me and the baby like no phone it's funny you say that because something that I've had to like say which I'm like you know like you don't want to critique the husband or the new dad because you don't want them to you know get offended and like just let them learn do you know about that do you know about not critiquing your husband I do it's a hard balance because you want them to learn yeah but it's like I don't know exactly how to do that and i can tell you how to do that we've been parenting the same amount of time as they have like they don't have oh no no mom's getting it is like how he holds her right

so like he's a big mussely guy right he's pretty like rock solid and just the way he holds her i'm like you look tense i can just tell that she i don't know what that means she's screaming because i can just tell you're not comfortable like how you couldn't get comfortable on those pillows was earlier like that's like how and that's like saying change your body I felt this way oh my gosh but it's it's hard because I'm just like do I tell them how to do it and fix it right now but you have said that you don't mind when I try to chime in a little I don't mind the critiques but I know that like I will take it with a grain of salt because there's certain things that can't change yeah well it's hey you do look a little tense

so just calm down this is my body I I will say, though, that, like, right there is, like, the perfect example of why parenting gets to be so complicated, because before you have a kid, there's some issue arises, and at some point you're like, I just don't care that much. So I'm going to cave, whatever. But when you throw a kid into it, you both care that much. So it becomes, like, a battle you can't win, anybody. Because you're both so passionate about it that it's really, it's really hard.

to find common ground because you either have to cave to something you don't believe in or feel like you're jeopardizing being a good parent and it becomes harder conversations to get through and that's what we've been trying to navigate through and it's like it's a million different topics it's like screen time it's diet it's medicine it's uh sleep schedule it's all like all of these things you each come like I'm the middle of five kids my parents raised me with no schedule it was super late back and I I came from. Sean is a freaking, she's been a pro gymnast

since she was three. Freaking regimented routine. Yeah. Oh my gosh. So it's like, yeah, there's so much friction there where it's. And that's where I've learned like, hey, Sean really trust me and like all these different areas of life. And I am going to, I call it taken in the face.

So literally it's like, bro, you just got to stand there and freaking, yes, ma'am. Yeah, all right. freaking this hurts so bad like what dude what do you freaking we don't need to go there oh my gosh

but it's like uh you do that too Nick sometimes I can tell he's like I'm just gonna let her talk I'm gonna get it all out right now and then I'm just gonna not smile I think it was like two days ago I was walking into the shower

and I was getting critiqued by something I was doing and I just didn't respond I was like, I'm taking it in the face. And she's like, did you, did you hear me? Or sometimes I go, hello? Are you there? Like, we'll be in the same room and I'm like, hello? I was just like, received, acknowledge.

Oh, I hate that. When I said, military comes out, he's like, received. I'm like, oh, heck now. Received. I'm like, do you have anything to say about that? Nope, received. We always say, like, I just need verbal acknowledgement that, like, you even heard. And I'll be like, do you have any, like, verbal,

acknowledgement for me and he's like yeah I heard you got it we're gonna use take it in the face now for sure I know when when she starts eating actual food yeah

because like diet is something I want to be pretty strict and on top of so I've brought up some things in passing and stuff's like well they gotta be at kids no grass fed ground beef all day Put him on the carnivore diet

I was prepping my meals for the week the other day I was like it was ground beef I was like was wiping the smell of the beef in the Charlie's face He's gonna be vegetarian probably Because of you I will say I don't want to scar you But like we were very similar

Our daughter refuses to eat meat He doesn't realize Refuses I'm okay with not eating meat It's just like the We do protein powder quality nutrition yeah yeah it it's hard i i mean i've been very open with this like on podcast and stuff but i have come from like severe eating disorders i studied nutrition did

psychology courses everything so having a little girl freaked me out and i was very obsessed with nutrition yeah and you get to a point you're like eat the freaking macaroni like you're not going to eat anything else so we were just talking about having a little girl and navigating food remember we were just talking about this because someone said something about like not calling them bad foods yeah and i was like i never thought about it like that like that's a bad food like don't eat that that's bad and what that kind of like creates in their mind and i was telling like i'm like okay i would love to be friend that says like this food isn't going to make you feel really good but this food's going to make you feel really good that's something that i can't even

imagine navigating yeah like i can see how it's probably a lot easier said than done now that our little girls like two three and understands like feelings that's exactly what we do so we're like you can eat this but it will hurt your belly and then or you can eat this and it'll make you feel strong or whatever oh i love that it's all by like feeling and i'll give her we'll give her the option you can eat as many gummies as you want but and she's actually had experiences now we're like she'll get belly aches and so you can reference it and it's worked yeah when i was i was middle squad and eating disorder too yeah so i i know the cues so i am very aware and conscious of when she's growing up like if it's happening i know i'll be able to

oh yeah i'll know it oh yeah but i am very aware of like how things are perceived and said and taught so i'm very careful i'll be very careful when that time comes which is great because a lot of people don't have that awareness with kids and it's like yeah oh hi buddy who's the best you are I wish I could spend all day with you instead. Uh, Dave, you're huff mute. Hey, happens to the best of us. Enjoy some goldfish cheddar crackers. Goldfish have short memories.

Be like goldfish. Today's episode is brought to you by Modern Fertility. Anyone that knows Sean knows that she's a big planar. Babe, trust me, it's for the best. I am not like this, but I respect it about you. I think that's why I love modern fertility so much. It helped us plan. for the future. It's an easy and affordable way to test your fertility hormones at home,

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means your test will cost $169 instead of hundreds or even thousands it could cost at a doctor's office. Get $30 off your fertility test when you go to modernfertility.com slash eastfam 30. modern fertility.com slash east fam 30 will also link it down below let's get back to it i don't know you had any disorder 14 years old dang yep how'd you get out of it i'll give a uh synopsis of it i think it's great because you don't hear a lot of guys talk about it it's so i don't i don't i really don't know what triggered it or calls it to this day i just one day wanted to start controlling my weight and what i was eating so it It started where I was just pulling some calories back.

I was exercising more. And then it got more out of control and more out of control where, you know, I remember going to school in middle school at the time. And my lunch was a bottle of water and just like the meat from the turkey sandwich. I throw the bread away. I throw the cheese away, everything else. And then I was in and out of hospitals because my parents were trying to figure out what was happening to me. I was losing weight. had no energy couldn't get out of bed

I knew the whole time I was starving myself and then after being in out of hospitals for a year one day my mom pulls me into this outpatient clinic rather than the typical

Hershey Medical Center and it said eating disorder clinic I was like oh crap caught they marching up the stairs they confront me I break down a cry I remember coming home that same day I went in the pantry of my parents kitchen

and I opened up the cabinets and I see these pop tarts in there because I was telling myself I have to start eating or I'm going to die my body was shutting down and I remember there was this box of pop tarts I took pop tarts out

and I flipped around to read the nutrition and said 400 calories and two pop tarts I was like this is more calories than I've been consuming in a day for months and I forced myself to eat that and then over months

and months and months I slowly started to build healthier relationships with food. Now, there's been periods and times where it's back to dark, dark places, then better. Now I have a very healthy relationship with food, but I will always look at food differently. In my honest opinion, I will look at food in terms of the way it affects and changes body composition, how I feel. I find that when I track nutrition or macronutrients, it triggers certain feelings and effects. Or I'm trying to lose weight.

Like I was trying to lose weight for this last marathon prep to get down to a certain weight to run faster, triggered small tendencies. But it hasn't been out of control like it was back when I was 14. But now when I see people do certain things or touch their body in certain ways or choose certain foods or move food around their plate

I'm like this person might have a problem but yeah the last 16 years of my life so you don't you don't consider yourself like over it past it like above it I consider myself

past it but with like a there's like a caveat to it where I know there's certain things I could do that would trigger it again not full blown ever again. I don't think of my honest opinion, but it's hard to describe. It's just

like, it's something that's in my back pocket that I could always pull out if I wanted to. Dang. It's actually been a really interesting dynamic between our relationship because he's never had like any, um, understanding or experience with that lifestyle. And so trying to like get someone to understand that level of lack of control or fear of control or too much control is really interesting and difficult because I remember one time we were just having genuine conversation I was trying to explain things and he's like but can't you just choose to eat or to do it and I told him it's just hard there's there's something that happens where you have this voice that literally

is hold you like hold you hostage and there's nothing you can do to get out of it. It scares the heck out of me having a daughter because like I've heard stories of mentors

who like, dude so they've I look up to them in like every aspect of life and they have daughters who are my age who have like they might die from eating disorders and I'm like what the heck as a as a father as a parent what can I do to prevent this situation and it's it's almost like I don't know I

feel like it's so easy to mess your kids life up and it's really more of a challenge like okay how can I just how can I keep them from going underwater but like really enjoy like whatever they turn into whatever qualities they have like just celebrate those it's so hard because Because if you're only hyping up with all the things, like, that's not healthy either. But, like, man, freaking, I don't know how to do it well. It's like a little, like, version of yourself, too. Like, I feel like you will see. We're not at the point yet.

Obviously, she's two months old. But I'm sure with Drew, you guys are at the point where you can be like, she learned that from me. Like, that's something that I do. Yeah. And that's, like, a scary thought. Because it's like, at what point do we have to be conscious of that? You know, it's, yeah, it's crazy. They're just little sponges.

I have this concept for this podcast series in the future. when Charlie's old enough to be able to listen and like grasp what I'm talking about and every week there's an episode and it's me and Charlie sitting by a campfire and there's a lesson that I want to get across that I've learned in life

but there's a story associated with that lesson so it's like campfire with Nick and Charlie and I'm just telling her this story but there's this lesson in the story that I want her to pull from It's like a good children's book. There's always a good lesson. That's awesome.

When is that launching? For those listening, you heard it here. I mean, she's two, two and a half months. We'll get back to you on that. If she's a fast learner, maybe. Stop it. I don't even know what you're going to be having her do. Like as soon as she, you know, gets like control of her neck.

Like he's going to be like, time for push-ups. Yeah, we only have, he's 14 months. He's doing five sets of 20 a day. game on impressive you know the you know remember the Titans movie you know the daughter of the assistant coach

remember the Titans for some reason I think that's what Charlie's going to be like I'm not going to try to I tell him she's going to be whoever she wants 100% but I have this feeling that's what she's going to be like I'm excited to meet her we haven't gotten a meter yet but

that'd be great she doesn't say much she's kind of quiet sometimes I'd say like age two is when you gotta start I'm sure I'm sure there's like

impressions that you make but when Drew turned two and she started talking I'm sure there's like developmentally like developmental statistics I would tell you when the impression

I think it's already started yeah anyway I have I have her saying sup dude anytime she meets someone and she's like she's doing this for their time and like this is my freaking girl

dude let's go I'm still learning everything Like the other day someone was like How far can she see? I said Probably cross this room And so I was like No like six inches in front of your face

Wow Yeah at her two month appointment The doctor was like she still can't see very well I'm like really I didn't know that Gosh Learning curve you were right There's so much stuff

Especially with your first kid though We didn't know any Neither of us had ever changed a diaper And we didn't change a diaper In the hospital Because like the nurses would come to check on Drew. So, like, they would change.

And we got home and we're like, who's going to do this? Is it you? Is it me? I didn't change one diaper in the hospital. You did. I will give that to you. I was the king of the swaddle in the hospital. Nice.

Swaddle king. Yeah, I legit can't. I don't know how to do it. It scares me. I feel like I'm going to do it too tight or. I was always afraid I'd like tire too tight. Yep. But you've got it down.

I remember when you were leaving the hospital, the nurse was like, go get your car seat. And, you know, it's like, it's like, this long waiting game to leave yes yes but then when they decide you can go they're like get out yeah like here's your wheelchair you are you're done here yeah so they're like go get the uh car seat and get ready to go so i pull the the truck up i have the truck running i run upstairs to start getting all this stuff i bring the car seat up and they're like hey you got to be out like now so i forgot to learn how to put her in the car seat so i i have this youtube video playing on like silent next to

trying to watch it as she's rushing me out and then she's like I can help you and then she finally saw I was watching YouTube videos so she came and helped me I'll say to any new parents the nurses are supposed to be qualified enough to actually like teach you there so yeah but to a certain extent you feel so nervous you're like I'm sorry I don't know how to put my baby in a car seat

we practice I promise but now I'm scared I felt completely judged summer's here and you can now get almost anything you need for your sunny days? Delivered with Uber Eats? What do we mean by almost? Well, you can't get a well-groom lawn delivered, but you can get a chicken parmesan delivered. A cabana? That's a no, but a banana, that's a yes. A nice tan, sorry, nope. But a box fan, happily yes. A day of sunshine, no. A box of fine wines, yes. Uber Eats can definitely get you that. Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Alcohol and select markets. Product availability may vary by Regency app for details.

Oh, gosh. We stayed a little bit longer than we thought. I had some blood pressure issues. So we were, like, locked in a... I seriously felt like we were just, like, held hostage for, what, was it, four nights? It's a long time. Yeah. And... I'll start to have, like, resentment towards the doctors and the nurses.

Yeah. It was rough. I'm like, we need to get out of here. I remember, like, my eyes hurt when I got out. I'm like, oh, my gosh. It just... Because you literally, like, come in one person, and then you leave a totally different person. It's crazy.

Life is absolutely wild. And then you're just, like, I remember getting home. home into our house being like our house feels different like this doesn't feel like the same house it's like you're spending time in different rooms it's it's just like a very different time it did it just it's harder to describe but you just feel like lights look different yeah roads looked different yeah I'm curious okay so you you built this business and I think You've mentioned this in a previous podcast, but like that takes a certain amount of awareness and effort in creating the culture. What do you guys describe as Nick and Stephanie's family culture?

Like as you're building this unit, this little clan, I think you called it. Tribe. Tribe, there it is. What is the bear family culture? It's definitely built off of values and a foundation. And, I mean, if you have a culture in a business or an organization, like a team, sports team, or military, it's always built off this foundation of values. And if those values are set in stone and they're actually followed and implemented,

you then can build off of that. So I'd say, some of those are being kind, humble, driven, serving others serving others it's like one of my goals with our kids depending on how big our family gets but like

instill those values I don't want like one of the things my parents did with me growing up is they never taught me how to like live this life and be this person but I had a pretty dynamic

unique dynamic and families where like one side of my family were hardworking dairy farmers in central Pennsylvania and the other side were were military my uncle grandfather cousins were military so they never had to tell me how to live like a strong successful purposeful life but they showed me so I think we talk a lot about the values we're going to instill by showing not necessarily telling our kids how to live I think it's a good feeling too I think we've all had friends growing up.

You know when there's like a friend's house and you just love going to their house and you don't really know why. You can't pinpoint it, but like you walk in and you're like, this just feels homey and I love going to this friend's house. Like for me, like I know growing up like my house was always like the house where sleepovers were at and like people came to us. I think because my family was just so open and fun and loving. And I think that's what I really want for us.

Just an open, fun, warm, loving environment that also. like we don't take ourselves too seriously too um just like just always allowing like just joy to be in every single moment i think that's like huge is just joy having a walk into the house and you feel warmth um that's like something huge that i want for our family i want our kids to actually want to hang out with us not have to force them to hang out with us but yeah even when they're in high school and college and after college I hope Charlie calls me up like dad can we hang out this weekend

absolutely I think you get there by being an intentional parent which is a lot easier something that I'm already learning but it takes a lot of effort so I'm just thinking out loud because when we got

the most recent dog the German Shepherd I think you might have seen picked them up and like came with instruction more or less with like hey keep him in the kennel like he's he responds well to xyz and some of it like you know he put him with a collar when you're walking like whatever and it made me think or as i've been parenting it's like making correlations you know as far as it may seem to the dog training process where i think if the goal is to have the post college like let's say after 18 years with your

which is going to be the majority of your life like that's probably going to be longer than 18 years right hopefully then to make that as fun and fruitful as possible like the first 18 has to be pretty disciplined like it is with dogs like the

the young formative years am I like this analogy this is I'm following this is good I got a dog story that I want to talk for this long I hope it's not going to just directly slap this analogy in the face but like the because my temptation is with Drew it's like you just kind of want to be

nice to her but I have to constantly force myself to like no I need to make sure I know she knows where her boundaries are I need to make sure I'm instilling these values and like it doesn't mean you're not nice well no but like my role is not to be her friend I don't like it's not to be

I don't know I don't know the best I am her friend like I want to be nice to her but I also it is my role to parent her I'm like I'm her guide I'm not her friend right now right and hopefully that turns into us being friends I love that guide exactly yeah well that's your husband right there what's the dog story okay so I was interviewing uh someone on my podcast a few months ago and he he got a German Shepherd dog and he bought this dog and it essentially came with instructions yeah was very well trained

And the person who trained this dog said When you bring this this dog in your family You need to give this animal purpose And he said What happens if I don't give it purpose? He said it's going to dig holes All over your yard It's going to destroy your yard

That will make it its purpose He said well why would it do that If you don't give this animal a purpose He's going to find its own purpose And it makes me think of Of raising children where I see our role as like we need to instill these values to help our children find purpose in life

or they're going to find their own purpose which could lead to destruction that was a good analogy what this freaking same analogy bro is the same one you guys start with an intro and meat and potatoes and then you wrap it out I got breathing down my back dude I can't I can't deal with the pressure

too much criticism but to the point of the early conversation where you know like you're you're you feeling frustrated that you're not around charlie as much as you feel like you should or you feeling like you need to be working it's like there's a story in the bible about nehemiah who's building this wall and some he's always like getting asked to do this or that and like people are trying to pull him away from the actual task at hand and his response is I'm doing a good work and I cannot come down like I will not be distracted I am doing something purposeful and like that's been I think obviously it's super helpful to have check and

balance like so if you're working 20 hours a day for seven days it's probably not help that's that's not healthy but she's going to balance you out but like when you're at work realizing that that's a good work and you doing that with purpose teaches your kid something invaluable and like you doing the the family life right now with like so much excellence and with so much purpose is something that's like you won't get this time back like this first three months you don't get back so like don't try to rush to the next phase like you're doing a good work you know don't be distracted by it it's like it's super hard like we we're always having to remind each other of that but I think it's important that you're setting an example you're setting an example

and just like there's always going to be tension but you're doing a good work if you were to give one piece of advice to listeners based off of like the phase of life you're in what would you say I would say we've talked about this too and this might seem like I don't know something you wouldn't come out of a new parent's mouth but to still make your spouse be like your number one and prioritize them because we've had like you know days or weeks where I feel like I've had zero connection with him at all And then I'm like, that's why I'm being cranky and, you know, short fuse with her or I'm being done on myself. Like he is like your marriage and your spouse, it's like the bones and the core of that, like the home. And I've just realized that she is obviously like our world, but it's got to be good here. And we're still trying to figure that out. And even if it's like putting her down, like we've learned like,

The glory moments of putting her down like 30 minutes before you go to bed So you can just like sit by each other and just like reconnect I know that's probably what everyone would say but it's just I think prioritizing each other is just it really is so important because if you're not good Then like everything else is going to crumble around you I've learned completely because it impacts every facet of your life I would say I made this post a few weeks ago and it resonated with a lot of people

and you know when we were getting ready to have Charlie we had an abundance of responses of unsolicited advice and most of it started with just wait

just wait until you realize you can't work out anymore just wait until you realize you can't eat healthy anymore just wait until you realize you're not going to build your business anymore and my response was well if it matters to you you will make time so that's been something that i've said but also implemented where it's if charlie wakes up and she decides

she wants to feed at 3 30 a.m. sorry it just sounded like you're feeding like a deer or something that's because mad when i use the terms feed or milk yeah he's like she needs to be milked i'm like that No, please don't say that. But if she's hungry at 3.30 a.m. And she's awake. I'm awake. I'm like, okay, I'm just going to work out now and knock it out because I have the time and it's going to allow me some free time in the afternoon.

Now, am I more tired that day? Absolutely. But there's things in my life that matter. My relationship with Steph, Charlie, my business, my health, my fitness, I'm going to make time for those things because they matter to me. so that's where it's one of my non-negotiables that if it matters i'll make time yeah i think we learned too it's easy to get like really caught up in society norms and when people say you can can't do with new parents i think we've learned you write your own rule book like we can find

the time to work out like we've done it we really haven't missed a beat and we've been taking care of ourselves and everyone just says like you go on the back burner and it is true like of course you have days where you just are giving your all and you feel empty but you write your own rule I think like you have control but we say control the controllables and if you can do that in this season I think you'll be good dude you know what I just realized the 3 30 a.m. the first year after having drew I was waking up at 3.30 every morning I would not go back to bed so I'd have like three four hours in the morning before she would go back to sleep and wake up again and uh you're dude you're um I think it's called the focus in focus in focus yeah bro I

would crush that and then because I was obviously tired for the first couple days doing that and I would just like crush that and be like good for the day so thank you absolutely yeah it's it comes in handy right now for sure it is yeah honestly look there's just caffeine in there I think there is yeah caffeine nitropics yeah yeah caffeine consumption is definitely increased yeah 100% have you guys found a babysitter no it's yeah that's probably another like pressure point for us right now is we just don't have family in state so we're trying to find like the right fit but also too like I've had moments where I get super frustrated I'm like oh we can't do this we can't do that but I'm like this is the story the Lord wrote for us like I'm supposed to be her mom

full time right now the right person will come in our life at the right time so we almost had someone and then it backed out I'm like okay that's okay like not the right person it's all going to happen it's all going to happen the way it's supposed to happen yeah but I'm trying to convince help would help Help would help right now. Trying to convince Steph's mom and dad to move down to Texas right now. No luck yet. Steph's mom is super willing to travel with us. Like, you know, we're in Tennessee right now.

She flew in Michigan and Tennessee to help us. But we do need a babysitter. Well, maybe they'll move here when you come to Nashville. That's the hope and dream. Yeah. Yeah. That was one huge. point of contention between Sean and I

she did not want to find a babysitter I didn't trust anybody I was kind of relieved when the one didn't work out I'm like oh okay well no she was perfect I know but it is it's a weird feeling though and only Sean gets it in this room it's a mom thing though because it's it's just a mom thing

it's a societal thing you feel like you're feeling as a mom to say that you need help yeah and it's not even like you don't feel like you can take that luxury of going on a date night or like it's It's just, yeah, it's a weird feeling and it's really hard to get over. Yeah. Well, I was trying to tell Steph, I was like, but if we have the help and you can get out

for, you know, a few hours, a few times a week, you can show out feeling powerful and strong, take care of yourself first. But what if the babysitter doesn't love them as much or lets them cry a little too long? You guys. I don't have answers to that. It's a big step. It's like hiring your first employee almost. Yeah.

you're letting go of that yeah because like also Sean gives a full like two page list of you have to do XYZ with the anytime I just said that's our dogs when we left oh absolutely yeah I have my little pamphlet yeah so but the babysitter's not going to execute it that exact way if cameras everywhere I'm watching you yeah that's right but it's good like it's good because honestly if you know if they care for the baby then that's gonna look maybe different than what you're doing it as but But it's good. It's like my dad offered. He's like, I'll watch the baby.

We're like, no. No. No. He's like, I just don't get what to do with their head. It's like, it's like, it's like a poplar head. I'm like, you got to support the head. Not yet. Sorry, dad.

We'll figure it out. Thanks to help. Well, truly, guys, this has been amazing. And please move to Nashville sooner than three years. We'll be your realtor. We'll find you a property. Everything. we'll just stay in his bedroom right here anytime yeah perfect we'll help baby's

plenty pillows for a whole family here honestly thank thank you for the time and we're reflecting back Stephanie you're the reason that we initially connected it's fun how much has changed since we were there I think you guys had these weren't even married yet no we didn't have any kids you're I mean your company is now just taken off which is awesome and it's good to finally connect in person so look forward to more of this hopefully absolutely 100%. We've got great

babysitters, we've got great friends here love it. All of it. We need all the support. For those listening that want to find out more about Nick and Stephanie will link information down below as well as a link to their podcast, the Bear Performance Podcast and have fun

checking out the website to get some of the supplements A plus stuff but thanks for the time guys. Thanks guys. Thank you.