Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 160 | having "the talk", relationship funks, and managing expectations

Episode Date: May 3, 2023

Welcome to part 3 of our advice series! In this episode, we answered questions you submitted via Instagram all about marriage, parenting, relationships, and hot takes. We had so much fun hearing from you guys so be sure to follow along on our Couple Things Podcast Instagram so you can send in questions for next time! If you want to learn more about the iammomsummit event head to https://www.iammomsummit.com We love you guys! Follow My Instagram ▶ https://www.instagram.com/ShawnJohnson Follow My TikTok ▶ https://www.tiktok.com/@shawnjohnson Like the Facebook page! ▶ https://www.facebook.com/ShawnJohnson Follow Andrew’s Instagram ▶ https://www.instagram.com/AndrewDEast Andrew’s Tik Tok ▶ https://www.tiktok.com/@andrewdeast?lang=en Like the Facebook page! ▶ https://www.facebook.com/AndrewDEast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When you're with Amex Platinum, you get access to exclusive dining experiences and an annual travel credit. So the best tapas in town might be in a new town altogether. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Terms and conditions apply. Learn more at Amex.ca. what's up everybody welcome back to a couple things with Sean and Andrew a podcast all about couples and the things they go through welcome to part three of what is very quickly becoming our favorite

series on couple things that's right these are the ones where we get to give advice to everybody less advice and more just our hot takes because we don't know what we're doing so it's not really advice yeah so please take everything with a massive massive grain of salt and a little laughter um so we've been posting on instagram q and a forms where like throw it at us whatever you want and we will give you our opinions our thoughts and try to problem solve the world's problems yeah and every time we do that you guys always deliver with some really great interesting topics and as always if you guys have any advice or opinions to share on these questions please go down into the comments below and share because we need to learn a lot

And we're working on the YouTube comments section is nice, but it's not everything I wish it was. So we're working on a community feature. Stay tuned for that, but excited to like hopefully build more of a actual community than just a comment section. Exactly. Also, disclaimer here, we are not professional therapists. We are not professionals in any way, shape, or form when it comes to advice or counseling. So listen to your own discretion, all right? Let's just go ahead and jump into it.

Okay. First one, Andrew. Does my husband need to have the talk with my son and I need to have the talk with my daughter? Or should we do the talk together? What's less awkward for the kid? Interesting. I would say man to son, mom to daughter. I also think it should be both.

You do? Not at the same time. I don't think like mom and dad need to sit down with like son or daughter and have the talk. but I think dad should talk to son and then I think mom should talk to son at some point whether it's years apart but I think both like both kids need to have both perspectives so but you're not like probably the dad

would do more of the detail oriented yes and the mom is just like for the son you're talking about for like a gentle nudge yeah and the mom would give the daughter more detailed information and the dad would give I see like the opposite sex talk being

like respect does that make sense like if I'm talking to Jett I would want to give him the respect conversation of listen the best way you can respect women is this I view the dad's conversation

is very similar but probably from a different angle yeah right yeah I just think it's more of like just like about keeping themselves precious it's been so interesting to see the different roles that sean and i have played and her perspective is much different than mine so we haven't obviously had to talk with either of our kids with our three-year-old and one-year-old yeah i feel like it's too soon it is i think so i don't know though freaking when's when i don't know

People are saying, like, age six, kids are talking about it in school. So I don't know if that's just propaganda or not. It's terrifying. I do think, though, you don't need to worry about it being awkward. Like, yeah, it's going to be awkward, but it should be awkward. You shouldn't just be able to, like, shoot the, with your, like, kids, right? So we've put thought into this and the broader subject of, like, family culture and traditions and, like, structure. we put together a course for lack of a better term where it's more of a premium type listening

experience and watching that you can tap into we'll link it down below but we paired with parents who have been doing this much longer than us people who have written 60 plus books yeah on family culture and values etc so if you're interested check that out but I think it is worth putting thought into when like what's the time and look like and how do you approach conversations like the talk about sex and I also think like she's asking in particular does my my husband need to have the conversation my son my me my daughter you have to think about like single parents and stuff who don't have that luxury of yeah having a dad and whatever but you also need to think don't have the talk once this is my opinion I think you

should be having the talk multiple times through different phases of life I like that take I think It's a good perspective. It should be an open dialogue, not that's casual, but that's informative and educational. You don't want your kids trying to find that information out on their own. One thing my mom did hilariously well was with profanity. Anytime we were watching a movie and someone would say, like even the word stupid, right? She would say, she would talk over the movie and say, kids, we don't say that. And she would do it over and over and over again.

And it's like, it is the consistency that, like, hits home. So I think in this scenario, there will be, like, hey, mom, why, why are they kissing each other or whatever? And it's like that merits a certain degree of response. And then as they get older and, like, different things happen, hormones, et cetera. I think that the response changes and evolves. Absolutely. Wow, that was actually, that was a good discussion for us to have. That was.

Next one. How to solve an argument and calmly talk through issues when you're in an argument with your significant other. Yeah. How do we do that, Andrew? I don't know for the life of me how to transition out of an argument. I don't either. It's like it's either going to end in tears. Like we're mad at each other and then one of us cries.

And then it's like, then we reconcile. Yeah. Or, but it's always like a rough transition. Well, it's really hard when you have like raw emotions coming out on both sides and you guys like we're both heated and it's hard to just be like, oh, I'm so happy and I just want to hang out with you. Like that transition is very hard. And you don't, it's hard to like take space from each other because then you think you're taking space from each other because you're still mad at each other. I don't know how to do it. But how to solve an argument and call me talk through issues.

We've learned a couple of things from interviews we've done. One, the Zanako's reminder that they'll give each other of, we know how this argument ends, and that's with us still married. So, like, keeping that perspective, I think has nudged us to, like, it's a reminder that Sean and I are in the same team. And that's helped because sometimes it's like, oh, they don't, they're trying to frustrate me or like they're intentionally doing this. And that's not mostly the case.

Like, if it's a healthy relationship, they're not, it's not like budding heads for batting heads sake or like manipulation. It's like, no, just like we were talking about with two different perspectives, like Sean comes at things from one angle and perspective, and I have a different take on it. We usually have the same goal, but it's the getting there. And two things that I've learned from countless interviews and therapists that we've had on that I love is one, it's really hard to do this in the moment, but like can consistently try to work on it, always trying to give your spouse the benefit of the doubt and seeing their side. Because we spend so much time while we're arguing, trying to make, like, a defense that you barely even listen to the other person. You're just trying to, like, react instead of being like, oh, why is he feeling this way and trying to, like, see his perspective? And then we had one counselor say once, before you ever are allowed to respond, we need to do this more because it really worked in the setting that we used it.

before you ever respond you have to first reiterate what your spouse just said so like summarize what they said so that your spouse can say yes that's what I said or no you heard me wrong yeah repeat back to them what they said and then say is there anything else what the counselor said that forces you to do is listen really intently and instead of tuning out and getting defensive you like listen respond in the second which is great

It also separates your words from your emotions. So it's like it takes a lot of self-control and awareness. And it's very frustrating to do that where like sometimes Sean will say stuff that just doesn't make sense to me. And I'll be like, okay, I'm going to repeat back to you what you said. And it's this. And then I'll say, is there anything else? And that, I mean, you have to swallow your pride to do that. But ultimately the benefit you get is like a productive conversation.

yeah um so i i also believe since we're on this topic like layering things layering issues never help so like keep the conversation about one thing and don't just like throw on like i'm practicing this sean will be like hey andry you didn't do the dishes the incorrect response is to layer on top of them be like well you didn't do you didn't take out the trash it's like okay let's talk about the dishes first and then it's in a separate conversation that could follow quickly let's talk about the trash and lastly don't try to strategize in the middle of the battle right like don't be like sometimes you if you're going to give like criticism on hey you're way too angry right now Andrew or like it's better to do that in a in a subsequent following

conversation as opposed to again layering like why do you always get so emotional when we talk about this stuff that doesn't help that's that's like layering and it just convolutes the whole thing okay let's take a second to talk about how all that's been on my mind is what we're going to do with our kids all summer long once school gets out i love spending time together as a family but if i'm honest it can be so intimidating to try to create a summer that kids will remember forever at such young age me too we have our travel plans that we're excited about but keeping the kids busy and having fun all summer can feel like a lot to plan for which is why i'm so excited to announce that Family Made is partnering with the I Am Mom Summit this year

to provide moms everywhere with a free online event on June 1st that's all about summer family fun. It's going to be amazing. Sean and I were keynote speakers at last year's summit and we'll be there again in person in Utah this year. So if you're out there, go ahead and find that information on the link down below. But there's so many helpful tips shared at the event. And the best part is it's free and online so you can watch the

speakers from anywhere. The theme of the summit this year is summer boot camp, systems to keep your sanity. And speakers will touch on topics like family connections, screen free ideas for kids, meal prep ideas, travel tips, and more. I cannot stress enough how amazing and helpful this event is. We're so excited to be a part of this. There's really something everyone can take away from this event. And with the school year coming to an end, it couldn't be coming at a more perfect time. head over to IAMMOMSummit.com to sign up for the free online event on June 1st. There's also an option if you want to attend in person and seriously, you guys, you do not want to miss this, especially all my fellow moms out there.

Right now, go to IAMMOMSummit.com and reserve your spot because it fills up really fast. The link will be in our show notes too. Check it out. Let's get back to it. How to not feel guilty if you let your eating habits slip for a little while and want to get back on track. This is you. everything in moderation we can't like live perfect lives every single day nor should we I would say give yourself grace and just because you like have a slip up once doesn't mean you need to continue doing that so just like being like you know what I had cookies for breakfast lunch and dinner yesterday that's fine maybe I should have cookies for just breakfast

today like tiny little things make a huge difference i think it's kind of like an identity thing too where it's like seeing yourself as the person who eats healthy the majority of the time and sometimes eats cookies is way less guilt-inducing than like it's getting so uh down on yourself and beating yourself up and be like oh i'm i always fail at these diets or whatever and seeing yourself as a failure. My trainer was talking to me about this, like, idea with working out. I used to be kind of, like, paralyzed by this idea. If I wasn't able to, like, block off two hours a day and get this, like, really intense

workout in, then I wouldn't work out at all. And I would end up going months without working out because I didn't, couldn't find that block of time. And she's like, if you continue doing that trend, at the end of the year, if you add up all the time you've spent in the gym. It's going to be a lot less than if you do a five-minute workout four times a week all year. She's like tiny, tiny little things every day make a huge impact in the long run. So you don't have to do something monumental.

You don't have to like crash diet or do these like massive fad trends or just do things in moderation. That's it. I also like the analogy of a painting. If you think about like Leonardo da Vinci. painting there's like a million breaststrokes that he'll he'll contribute towards making one painting and he'll make some mistakes i'm sure but if you take a step back and the majority of your brush strokes are how you wanted them the majority of your eating habits are as you wanted them that's good so don't beat yourself up about the single mistakes is that a good analogy it is

okay next are there things i should make sure i experience with my spouse But for having kids. Probably, but it's not a necessity. You know what I'm saying? Like, having kids really is a delight. You know? I would say no. I would say you should know your spouse.

Like you should take, whether that takes you a week or a day or a month third two years, you should be on the same page. You should be teammates, whether that's your dating process. But I don't think you are missing out on life experiences because you have kids. I agree. The only thing you should do is get on the same page and resolve any, like, you don't want to throw a kid into an already messy situation. Like, if you guys aren't vibing, it's not like a kid's going to solve that.

but we're also not the type of people that like some people idolize travel right and just that means a lot to them so it's like it's probably easier to travel like if your if your dream is to go to Greece you can still do after kids it's going to be delayed a couple years it's going to look different so it doesn't have to be delayed a couple of years right no you're right yeah yeah kids are great though I mean, I recommend them. Try them if you can. Okay.

Okay. Next, navigating pregnancy after loss. When do you tell people how to not panic about every detail of pregnancy, etc? I think every single person is going to navigate it differently. And however you navigate it is perfect for you. I would say for Andrew and I, it was different with each pregnancy. Like Drew, we waited. a little bit we waited until like 12 weeks to tell anybody with jet we told them right away

i think it just has to do with where you are in your head and then within your relationship and that pregnancy at that time i definitely had more anxiety over drew's pregnancy than i did jet having had a miscarriage but you just kind of have to like let it go and i don't know lean on your inner circle but there's no like right time and there's no way to not panic and you just kind of got to let things be yeah there's a lot of emotions around that so like tell your support group if you're struggling with that um but it should be a a community building process i feel like journey it's like rally your your tribe around you i will say i did a live panel with um and a couple obiGYNs today and we actually talked about this and we said the mental health and mental side

of pregnancy kind of is taboo and people don't talk about it um if you are struggling with like panic and anxiety over pregnancy which is so common and so normal one of the greatest things you can do is like seek a therapist just to have someone to like release those thoughts too someone's who someone who has had that conversation before yeah can give some good insight and talk to your OBGYN and get your reassurance that you need and especially postpartum even just like having people you can talk to next I need advice on raising kids in a social media world and how to set online boundaries for them wow a couple books that come to mind one tech wise family by andy crouch habits of the household by justin uh easily i think is his last name um and then ruthless

elimination of hurry by john mark homer are all books that have contributed to our perspective here um yeah our perspective is also probably different than other people but i think at the end of the day the simplest way to go about social media is the way you go about your everyday life with your children it starts with foundational like morals values boundaries limits that you put on your kids from day one what they're allowed to say to individuals face to face how they're allowed to treat people what they're allowed to wear how they're allowed to present themselves all of that transitions into social media and i think as far as like the secrecy side of social media you have to just teach them the dangers of it and the consequences of their actions just i mean it's

part of the world these days so the same way you would treat a situation where your kids said a bad word or shoplifted or whatever it is like there's consequences to their actions and if you teach that early on i think you can teach them very good boundaries with social media yeah i think i think as parents you generally want to set the tone of the conversation the first time they hear something will be the filter for how they hear about that thing moving forward so like you control the conversation and get out ahead of the pack as they say um and then yeah we generally like to prepare rather than hope to shield them so it's like yeah what are the I guess it goes back to the values

which again we can link that but like what's your family culture and what are you instilling because social media is just one thing like who knows what it's going to be next but like it's really a perspective

that the kid takes to everything not just social media but anyway you have any other thoughts on that probably a million but I just think I go back to what the I're taught us which is like from day one you can kind of like scenario play through scenarios with

your kids of if someone says this is that nice or is that mean and when they get a little older is this is the scenario is that respectful or disrespectful is that too much information is that safe is that unsafe and you just kind of learn you teach them their lines of what keeps them within the boundaries of their family values. I probably view this with rosier glasses than is merited, but it's like social media is much like many other things in life where it can be used for good or misused, right? But I think probably the more common experience for young kids, like we're growing adults. We see a negative comment or someone says something ridiculous.

And it's like, we're able to work through that a little better than like a kid who's still very much shaping their self-identity. So that's where I don't want to get too optimistic about young kids on social media. Because like, it can be a really good tool, but probably need to hit a level of maturity. Absolutely. Next. What are some small ways I can be intimate with my wife aside from just being physical? We did a whole episode on intimacy Everyone wanted to know how we were intimate, babe

Some things are just for us guys But we talk about a lot in that episode But what Go ahead There's a lot of different things you can do It depends on what each spouse considers like Intimate It's almost like it comes down to kind of like love languages

What makes your spouse feel loved And for me I love just like quality time. I love time at the end of the day where we can turn the TVs off or turn the TV's on and cuddle, but have like quality face-to-face time over a glass of wine. Just something that's very intentional. You could do a bath. You could just read a book side by side. You could do, you could cook dinner together. Just things that truly make your spouse feel loved, whatever that is. Yeah, intentional is a good word. Because we watch TV. I think how we, how we

changed how we watch TV is like if it's just something we mindlessly do that neither of us are excited about it's like oh hey let's just do this and turn this on and it prevents us from getting to know each other better or like digesting what happened in the day or you know decompressing in whatever way that's not good but if it's like the new marvel movie came out and sean loves marvel and she's so pumped and like we have it scheduled those two experiences are way different like the second is enjoyment together the first is in escapism um but yeah i i think intimacy is like really getting to the core of who sean is and like unpacking all the layers of whatever that is like you know she'll do interviews and she has like her interview hat that she'll put on but

sometimes you strip that away it's like shan just wants to cuddle right or you just need like some encouragement or you just need not to talk whatever it is it's like what is this the essence of sean and how can i learn to know that better what's the naked version of sean both literally and metaphysical this episode is brought to you by defender with its 626 horsepower twin turbo v8 engine the defender the defender Octa is taking on the Dakar Rally, the ultimate off-road challenge. Learn more at

landrover.ca. Wait, I didn't get charged for my donut. It was free with this Tim's Rewards points. I think I just stole it. I'm a donut stealer. Ooh. Earn points so fast, it'll seem too good to be true. Plus,

join Tim's Rewards today and get enough points for a free donut, drink, or timbits. With 800 points after registration, activation and first purchase of a dollar or more see the tim's app for details at participating restaurants in canada for a limited time next up how do i get out of a relationship funk with my significant other who i've been with for so long it just kind of feels stale but we still love each other significant other okay we're pretty bullish on marriage around here to be honest there's a book called meaning of marriage by tim keller i'm referencing a lot of books now you are uh it changed my perspective on

just marriage, but relationships as a whole. It talks about how the beauty of the complication of marriage is like you do sign a legal contract and it's a pain to get out of. So it's like that funk is just a, it's just like a phase that, hey, you have to stick it through and you'll get out of it. And that's like a good hurdle to have to like deal with because you have to work through it right i also think it comes down to you like the other side of it is we talked to a therapist on the show about this the like roommate syndrome of if you're doing the same exact thing with your spouse

or your significant other every single day all day yeah at some point it's going to become stale and you need to go back to the basics of what you did when you were dating or like early on which is like intentionally trying to attract your spouse or your significant other like intentionally trying to do things that woo them and wow them and make them feel special I think if you are If you are actively able to say We're in a stale place Then do something fun

Do something like Completely random And new and get out of the stale mate Change of scenery can't help Also the great thing about long relationships We've been married for seven years We've had an argument about how to You know

Treat dogs 80 times And so like The first 10 times It was this exact same argument But then come the 15th time At some point you got to look yourself in the mirror And be like okay

I gotta take a different strategy Coming into this argument So let me try something different Let me use different words Let me use a different tone Let me try something different And that can go a long way But

A relationship funk man Yeah I also think the other thing that J.P. Pekluda said that I thought was really good is say that there's like an issue at hand and your partner is 99% at fault and your 1% take ownership over your 1%. Take 100% ownership over your 1%. And that in some way builds a bridge where it's like that conversation looks different than like Sean. you're not doing this it goes from that like pointing fingers to hey i want you to know i'm sorry for how i got angry when you did that that was wrong of me you know what i'm saying in an argument i don't know what the funk is like is it a heated funk or or what but like i do think um

there's a bit of perspective change there and also give give your partner the benefit of the doubt like sometimes it can be easy to think like sean never does the dishes and that's just false I'm not liking all of these examples. I'm just, it's always the dishes in the trash. That's just, I'm sticking it there. I know. Which is not even. I think you said it three times.

It's not reality. But it's like Sean does do the dishes. And it's just, it's more my perspective. That's the issue. Shite, you want to move on? I do. You're just, no, hammering this one in. And you've kind of like veered off to now arguments.

Well, what does a funk mean? They said it's just stale. But we still love each other. We're going to move on though Okay, go ahead Okay, this one's for you Handling an argument with your siblings as adults How do you do this and not bicker like your little kids

Oh, that's tough I do feel like I'm still a little kid Like no matter what we do in life I'm still the middle child And Grant still my little brother And guys still my oldest brother So you kind of like regress back to your role growing up Can you remember a time where you got like

an argument with one of your brothers? There's not a lot. Recently? Oh, no. As kids all the time. But as adults, there's not a lot of bickering, fortunately. I think siblings are a pressure relationship that you need to protect. And sometimes it looks like not talking to them as much.

Yeah. I'm not able to answer this question. Yeah, you have no siblings. I think speaking with, A lot of grace and a little truth always goes a long way. That's my thought. Okay. Thoughts on working with a horrible boss who doesn't treat you well,

but you like the job itself. I would say it's not worth being there. Is that a dream world you're living in? This person has a paycheck to get. You know what I'm saying? I know, but I don't think anybody deserves to be treated. I agree. So I think you have to address it.

Think about how that affects every aspect of your life. You go to work, you're treated horribly. How do you just like push past that when you get home? That affects every aspect of your life. That's tough. So you either like develop this mentality that you allow, people to treat you poorly and you're okay with that or it just like builds consistent anger in your life and that's not good either I just don't think it's worth it yeah I don't know

I think I empathize with the fact that like this person you know like there's bills to pay for sure so you can't just like a piece I'm out like that's not I'm saying that, but I'm saying let's be, let's be smart about it and let's just start looking for their job. Okay. There's Sean's answer. Okay. Go elsewhere. Skin care for beginners.

What are the necessities? My husband won't do a skincare routine. Does he need to? I think it's... Tell me about my skin care routine. You do nothing. I think it's important for everybody to wear a sunscreen, clean their face, and moisturize their face.

And you can get all of that stuff from Walgreens. It's great. Yeah. You've been getting a lot of compliments about your skin recently. I take care of my skin. You do a great job. Sean's routine. I work really hard.

And I don't do anything fancy. I just, I think, like I said, I think it's important to, you know how, like we shower to get, like, dirt off our bodies? You should get dirt off your face. Do you exfoliate? I do. You do a good job. I can probably use more of that. Does her husband need a...

You think yes. I think people should use sunscreen, should wash their face, and should moisturize their face. You do a YouTube video on your skincare routine? A long time ago. I could do it again. All right, we'll find the one that we did.

We got a ton of links going on now. So many. Good luck, Caroline. It's like 20. Okay, next step. When you get married, how do you combine your family traditions and values without letting it lead to conflict

in your relationship? I have an answer. Go ahead. Andrew and I did this. It takes time. It takes, I think, a couple of years to get into a rhythm. But Andrew and I sat down and we wrote out all of the traditions from each family, values, and we made our own. I think one of the most important things that, like, the Bible says, is like you leave and cleave, right?

Wow. You truly start your own new family. So you're not, you shouldn't just be continuing your. like other family's traditions you should be making your own that takes a big jump too because having four siblings and like family traditions that were very and set and in stone it was like a real pain and like painful to start new ones and be like no can't make it home for Christmas this year because we got to go to iowa i love iowa but you know what i'm saying like it hurt the first for sure it's like a shift absolutely and it's the same for me but i think

you have to have this idea in your mind of like this is our family now and you can't just expect one spouse or the other to merge 100% to what they're doing it has to be mutually agreed upon of what your what your new life looks like together yeah yeah I agree I like that take yeah okay ready yeah advice for overbearing in-laws how do we tell them that they are overstepping How can we make it stop? I wonder, I feel spoiled with my relationship with my in-laws. I get along with your mom really well and your dad really well. I don't know if that's something that we've cultivated or we just got lucky with.

But we've had a couple tough conversations with your parents about our kids and how to treat them. and yeah I think there's like never avoiding conflict I think sometimes there are certain things that like okay I'm just she sees this differently it's not worth getting into a conflict so yeah I guess avoiding conflict when it's not worth it like what benefit will this do but if it's something that needs change like it's always been a really good conversation as uncomfortable as it may be I was going to say the way that this question is worded and the exclamation points used, I get the sense that this comes from anger and desperation. Nothing good comes from intervening or having like a come to Jesus conversation when you're angry. I feel like every conversation we've had with our parents

when we're like, oh, we just don't do this within our family and our kids and this isn't our strategy. It's come from such a like a vulnerable place as still our parents. parents' kids. Like mom and dad, I know you did this with me, but I think the way Andrew and I are going to raise our kids, we're just not going to do that this time. And something you alluded to is it is essential that you and your spouse are on the same page. Yes. Right. And we talk about this all time. It should not be like a 3v1 situation where it's your spouse and their parents are on the same team versus you. That's that's not good.

So you get on the same page, take some space, strategize, thoughtfully, talk through that subject, and then say, hey, can we find a time to sit down and discuss this? But yeah, it's hard. Your business doesn't move in a straight line. Some days bring growth. Others bring challenges. But what if you or a partner needs to step away? When the unexpected happens, count on Canada life's flexible life and health insurance to help your business keep working, even if you. when you can't. Don't let life's challenges stand in the way of your success. Protect what you've built

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Uber Eats can definitely get you that. Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Alcohol and select markets. Product availability may vary by Regency app for details. Okay, three more. Went on a first date and don't know if he likes me or not. Should I reach out first even though I'm the girl?

Thoughts? I don't think there should be a rule. Yes, go for it. Shoot your shot. I want to shooting shots. Yeah. He could be shy. He could be thinking the same exact thing.

Shoot your shot. And he might not. Who knows? But it's better to know now than wait. Yeah. How to not have too high of expectations for my spouse as a first-time parent? Wow. It's hard, Sean.

How do you have not too high expectations for, your spouse as a parent I remind Sean often that we've been parenting for the same amount of time and I love you so much I'm so thankful for you you're beautiful did that hurt your feelings no bill bird did you see my video I sent you I did A hilarious skit where it's like There's anything I've learned over five years of marriage It's that I'm the only one that needs working on It's like my wife is this perfect museum piece

Set behind glass just to be looked at And I'm like a building with scaffolding set around it Like wow, we should Did you find that funny? I think you have conversations Of what your expectations are And give a lot of grace Yes

That's all I got One parent Typically has stronger preferences When it comes to kids Sean in our case Has stronger preferences So it's like Are our kids on a schedule

Like sleep schedule or not We did not do that growing up My brothers did not do that So it's like Yes they did One of them did So it's like There's only been two

One did one did not Okay Some of my brothers Did not do a schedule But it's like That's an example where I'm like, all right, you just tell me where to go. But there's a lot of concessions and negotiations

that need to be had, you know? And also realizing that, oh, can I share the beneficial? Like, Eve, the Hebrew word for Eve, like Adam and Eve, means beneficial adversary. And there's something beautiful about, like, that thought of, there's different perspectives, and that does cause clashing, but it's beneficial. so embrace that as frustrating as it may be continue last one toddler tantrums in a store are on an

airplane what do i do we don't have the answer but i will say our pediatrician and whether you believe with this technique or strategy or not it's what we do and we it's worked really well for us our pediatrician recommended this book another book sorry caroline um it's called one two three magic and it has worked wonderful with Drew and we are just starting it with Chet which is just teaching like a consequence system in the most gentle way of when kids do something like a tantrum

it teaches you the psychology of what's going through their brain at different ages and how you as a parent have a responsibility to like react in a way that's respectful to them but also guide them and learning how to control it Which has been really great.

I also feel like kids are sometimes a little like sharks where they'll smell blood in the water. And if you start panicking too, they'll just jump right on that and amplify it. So it's like you keep your own cool too. I also think when it comes to toddler tantrums in a store on an airplane, what do I do? You know your kid. Our kids have had tantrums in multiple places. And a lot of times it's because they're hungry or tired. And if you know that, you can't just like tell your kid to stop.

to your credit we've probably had fewer tantrums than we could have because you're always super prepared with snacks diapers passies sleep stuff sleep schedules but also like you've done a great job with our kids do not mix my world anyway that was the last one that is that's all we got for you today thank you for tuning in don't forget to follow uh family made on instagram we also have a couple things on Instagram account so that you can participate the next time we do these Q&As if you will this was fun it was fun you guys can still submit more questions in the comments below go on Instagram for the next Q&A you can find us anywhere we post a lot of random and fun and silly things but we enjoy it thanks for listening hope you're having a

great day that's all we got I'm Andrew and I'm Sean we're the East fam out