Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 169 | talking about touchy subjects

Episode Date: July 5, 2023

In today’s episode we talk about how to bring up “touchy subjects” to your spouse, something that can be really uncomfortable if not approached correctly BUT with good communication, it doesn’t have to be so bad. We would love to hear your personal experiences with this as well so please share in the comments below!  This episode is brought to you by AG1! If you want to take ownership of your health, try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 Free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase. Go to drinkAG1.com/COUPLETHINGS. Love you guys! Shawn and Andrew  Follow My Instagram ▶ https://www.instagram.com/ShawnJohnson Follow My Tik Tok ▶ https://www.tiktok.com/@shawnjohnson Like the Facebook page! ▶ https://www.facebook.com/ShawnJohnson Follow Andrew’s Instagram ▶ https://www.instagram.com/AndrewDEast Andrew’s Tik Tok ▶ https://www.tiktok.com/@andrewdeast?lang=en Like the Facebook page! ▶ https://www.facebook.com/AndrewDEast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Defender. With a towing capacity of 3,500 kilograms and a waiting depth of 900 millimeters, the Defender 110 pushes what's possible. Learn more at landrover.ca. This is touchy. I'm just trying to think of like things that haven't gone well for us. This is interesting what's happening. You can apologize.

What? Will you name what you think are our, retouchiest subject. Do you have one in mind? I would say parenting styles. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Yeah. What's up, everybody? Welcome back to a couple things. With Sean and Andrew. A podcast all about couples. And the things they go through. Babe, do you enjoy solo episodes where it's just us or interviews better?

I love both, to be honest with you. We've gotten to meet so many fun people doing the interviews. But I got to say, when we have these solo episodes, talking about specific subs, It's really fun experience because I get to know you better in a lot of ways. We talk about things maybe whether it wouldn't discuss. We explore topics that, you know, maybe wouldn't be brought up in any other circumstance. And that... We start arguments that otherwise probably would never have happened. Exactly.

We dig up bones that are completely unnecessary. But it does deepen my love for you. To know is to love, as they say, babe. To know is to love. I will say we were going to attempt today's episode. and not start an argument, but it could very well happen. What are you preparing for here?

Because I'm not aware of any. We're talking about touchy subjects. Okay. Which, one of Andrew's favorite questions to ask new friends, like new couple friends, is always like, what's the biggest argument you ever got in?

And it never ends all. Because usually, like, your biggest argument, your biggest touchy subject, really kind of never goes resolved. you kind of just like learn to put it aside so we are going to touch on our touchy subjects what they are how we've learned to handle them how we're learning to handle them how we've grown in those conversations and hopefully there's a couple tidbits you can take away for your own relationship well let me say this I think honesty is paramount in a relationship

Sean and I have one rule it's transparency yes being honest so when we talk about about touchy subjects some people uh approach touchy subjects with too much of a conflict mentality of like you know um either budding heads or maybe they're averse to to to discussing those things or defensive or and it's like look this is two different people talking about things that yeah they might be like talking about money can be really emotionally packed there's a lot of baggage that people have different experiences but it's a necessary thing that can really really enhance and bring a lot of color to the relationship. If you like see the other person's perspective, incorporate that into the mutual marriage of the thing and you together come up with

a compromised act that you move forward on. It's amazing. I'm just now after seven years of marriage understanding the power of that. Just right now. I feel pumped out today. And I want to do two things. One, I want to talk about a comment of the week. Okay. From our episode that we did called How Well Do You Know Your Partner? People love that, baby. Everyone said that it made him laugh a lot. Funny. We weren't sure if that would do well at all.

I did not think that people would like that, to be honest. But Morgan Robertson, I don't know why I said Robertson. Morgan Robertson says she feels incredibly blessed every day since she found our channel. Your channel continues to help me progress with my healing journey that she's been on. You guys are a truly a beautiful example of a godly marriage. Honored you think that, Morgan. honored that you watch our show look we honestly have no idea what we're doing we've been married for seven years which is a lot less than some people but what we like about the show is

when we talk about interviewing other people it's like hopefully we bring on experts or people that have different experiences that maybe help you feel less alone help engage you in this conversation maybe they give you a different perspective help you get out of the rut that you might be in in a relationship so that's our goal with this and we have a blast doing it by the way the second thing i want to i want to make sure that i visit and touch on as well as we talk about honesty in a relationship is uh honesty is paramount but maybe your opinion isn't the primary focus here i think the marriage should should take precedent and and and have more of a priority than your opinion so like it's not about me being

honest and then expecting that I get my way after that honesty right it's about me being honest but realizing that Sean's going to have a different perspective and I'm not going to it's not going to turn out exactly how I envisioned or proposed it so it's like this fine balance and I think I'm verbalizing that well I think I'm trying to at least um because some people get hung up on like oh hey I'm being honest and like I'm freaking attracted to that girl over there all right well that doesn't actually matter because it's about it's about hopefully prioritizing your marriage was that a bad example no it's not a bad example it's not a bad example because we've talked about this we're all human it's within human nature to like so many

thoughts into your mind on daily basis and for to use your example as like the topic of conversation right now if you have this this thought come into your head where you're like I think that person attractive. That's not your spouse. That's not your spouse. Your next thought should be like, is that beneficial to my marriage? Yeah. Does that make my spouse feel loved for me to acknowledge the fact that I'm attracted to that person? Should I act on those feelings of? Should you give that thought air to grow? No, I don't think you should. Right. And it's kind of like, we have a million thoughts that enter our brain on a daily basis. A lot of which are not good for us. and you can either choose to act on it,

fuel it, build it, grow it, or you can say, you know what? No, get out. We're done. Yeah. I always have that thought. It was after we interviewed... Jordan Matthews.

Jordan Matthews. I kept thinking Jordan Rogers. Jordan Matthews and him saying, even when he's scrolling through Instagram, it's so easy to, like, stop on a picture and be like, whoa, it catches you by surprise, whether it's like a bikini picture or whatever it is. is and it's like no that even if it's like catching your attention you don't have to give it

your attention like just keep going yeah and this is an example of something that like whatever but yeah i think the main takeaway is your opinion and even your feelings it's good to express those it's all about you know being honest with who you are but also putting them in their proper place yes so what do you do with them and it goes without saying maybe it doesn't something we've learned over the years is being married gives you the power to hurt your spouse more than anyone in the entire world

but it also gives you the power to help your spouse more than anyone in the entire world to be their greatest encourager supporter to make them feel more loved than any way, shape or form to bring them more joy

like you hold that power yeah it's amazing someone used I did an interview for redirected the other day with Jason Waller and he was an addict and he said that his wife maybe in some ways enabled him to have the addiction and that was like really powerful

to think about like wow she kind of played a role in allowing him to walk down this path and it made me think about in what ways am I enabling you to do unhealthy like what unhealthy habits do you have that I'm enabled there's that part of it but also I'm so thankful that you have enabled me in many positive ways as well yeah and it's like okay having self-awareness yeah maybe that's a good that's a good

term for that self-awareness of like okay this is a touchy step for me or I have these feelings associated with this subject or I have that thought being aware of that but then also realizing that there is like an action step of like yep that gets the green light that's a good thought that helps out our marriage in the long run or no, that has no place here. Anyway. We asked you guys, by the way, what were some of the most common,

touchy subjects within your relationships? And this is what you said. You said money, physical appearance, weight gain or loss, exercise, politics. I'm excited for this episode. Parenting style, hygiene-related comments, behaviors that, quote, annoy you, religion and physical intimacy.

I think it's a well-timed episode coming into the political cycle of the next presidential election, you know? It's like, how many touchy subjects does that bring up? And look, you can have a healthy dialogue with different perspectives. My gosh, let's freaking remember that, shall we? It's really good to have different perspectives, okay? I want to start, Andrew, before you get down that rand of politics here. Can you, or not can you?

will you name what you think are our three touchiest subjects? Yes. The treatment of dogs would be one. Money has been one. The third, I'm trying to differentiate things that we argue over and things that are touchy. Because time, my scheduling thing we've talked about, the argument episode, is something we argue over. But I'm not sure that's really touchy. I understand that I'm in the wrong there.

We don't really have a different perspective on that. Do you have one in mine? I would say parenting styles. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Yep.

Is that on the list? Yes. Okay, there is. Okay, great. We'll touch that on that when we discuss that issue as a whole. Well, I have a question for you then. But put that on pause. who which of us normally brings up the touchy subjects in her marriage?

Me. Oh my gosh. You're welcome. I get it out there. All right. Don't give yourself to this credit. You know what I've been noticing about you is you, you, yeah, sometimes you do bring up touchy subjects, but when you feel hurt, you avoid the subject.

So there's both. Yes. When you're feeling like, hey, Andrew's wrong on the schedule, right, and you're mad, you'll bring that up. Yeah. Which is great. But when I've done something wrong, or I'm feeling hurt. Yeah, you avoid the subject. I'm not saying that me bringing it up more than you, I'm not saying I bring it up correctly.

I just bring it up more. Sometimes. I will, something that I don't want to say I'm proud of, but something that I truly try. to do is I feel like we've talked about this. I feel like generationally our parents' generation was a generation of just

bottling everything up. You don't share, you don't show, you don't talk about it, you don't work through it, you don't acknowledge it, nothing. It was just like, I'm good. And that's so unhealthy. You bury it deep. Very deep until you explode. And I feel like our generation is

the polar opposite because we witnessed the consequences of that and we're just like here are my issues here are all of them on a silver platter let's figure it out help me and is that right i don't know but i do think there is something from my upbringing and what i witnessed and i don't say like my parents even i'm just saying like everybody around me i want to make sure in our relationship nothing gets buried so like to a fault i'm like we need to talk about it but i mean some things do you do need to turn the page on too right so that's with all these subjects that we're going to talk about today it's like again they're not the priority so like the path that the main path we're walking down is to honor each other and our marriage and then along that way we we will

unavoidably confront these issues of money of politics of whatever parenting styles but the the the primary focus is the marriage still um i i i think to be honest with you between us if we're going to have to resolve an issue i probably do a better job at bringing the thing the issue to us in an unemotional way and saying here let's discuss this and resolve it you bring the thing up and then we have tears and then we have you know i will I'll agree with you because here's my fault but you have to understand

it's coming from a good intention I feel like by the time you've brought something up time has passed you've thought about it it's not in the moment it's almost probably far removed from the moment

and I'm the opposite I probably bring it up incorrectly because I bring it up in the heat of the moment where I'm like we got to figure it out now which ends up being emotional and is probably not the correct way to do it but yeah that tends to be more emotional so yeah when you bring it up we do resolve things better

because there's no longer impulsive emotion for me yeah one last thought on the thing what you're talking about the generational differences it makes me think of the traditional identity versus the modern identity there's a whole series you could listen to that I came across it honestly reshaped kind of how I think about culture but you have this traditional identity you think like spartan 300s where everyone conforms to this one thing in this one style right contrast that with the modern identity

of like follow your feelings follow your heart you're the individual and that's the style that that takes priority right the traditional identity prioritizes the collective the modern identity prioritizes the individual and um both are both have pros and cons but to categorize those two things is like our our parents grew up more in a traditional identity of like hey you know i'm not going to burden you with my thing and now the our generation is like oh hey hear my issues and i'm putting it out there but there's all in some senses there's this expectation to cater to those things in a maybe unfair way. So there's that thought.

And I'd be happy to link that if you're interested. But how do you bring up these subjects incorrectly? You think there's a right and wrong way to bring up touchy subjects? Yeah. I think we've done all of them. What's the right way? I think the right way is rationally, not in the heat of the moment, when you both feel like you're in a safe space,

when you're not hungry or tired or angry or sad or. A halt. hungry angry lonely or tired there you go don't do it then it's like when you're in a spot where you can truly objectively think and speak yeah not to make it sound the robotic but um i for at least us uh it's not usually great if we're trying to figure out a parenting style decision right or like a parenting decision for that to be a super emotionally charged conversation there's usually no action that we come to at the end of that conversation because it always just ends in like discussing baggage that we have right I have another one okay I'm just trying to think of like

things that haven't gone well for us and I think something that happens with both of us is we will sit down to talk about a topic. Yes. And it might get heated. It might get like emotional. And in those moments, it can so easily turn into a free-for-all. Yeah. Let me bring up this topic now.

Yeah. Don't piggyback. Let me bring up this topic now. Yeah. But what about this when this happened? And it's like nothing good happens when you start piggybacking a touchy subject with more touchy subjects. It becomes like a Western shoot.

out where it's like well you did it this way oh yeah well let me tell you about that issue that you have and that's not productive at all that is a lack of emotional restraint well and it's just it's so easy to to get into this mindset of like one-offing it's like oh well you brought this up let me bring this up instead of being more mature within your marriage and saying you know what you are right let's talk about this moment right now we've gotten way better at that I feel like in the last few months where it's like, you know, we'll maybe even exchange blows. But then it's like, okay, Sean, I'm sorry that I made you feel that way.

But let's resolve this first issue. And then once that's closed, we have closure on that. We can move on to the second issue. But don't conflate the two. Yeah, we've also gotten better at in a respectful way calling each other out on blanket statements, like always and never. and that's what we refer to. It's like don't blanket statement that the touchy subject. Don't exaggerate it.

These are great. Accuracy and language. Yeah. Like, yeah, just speaking, being able to have the discipline to use the words that identify the thing you're feeling. And we've also gotten better at respectfully being like, don't bring another topic into this. Yeah.

This is what we're talking about. Yeah. And all that comes with practice, by the way. So that's why I think like it's cool to think about you're one of our marriage versus you're seven and I'm thankful we're still married and I'm excited for them I'm excited to get older with you and continue this because like we've been able to find better language that identifies how we feel yeah it's taken a long time and a lot of incorrect uh language to get to that point this concept of um I think I've said this before like don't don't try to strategize when you're in

the heat of the battle yeah right so like uh say it's 2 a.m and Jets crying and Sean's like you need to go take care of them this is a real issue we'll talk about it and i'm like no the you know the sleep consultant said let him cry for five minutes and she's like you know it becomes this emotional charge thing a lot of times it's like okay one person concedes in that moment just to get through that 2 a.m. period without any drastic nightmares happening okay and then the next morning when things are a little more cooled off maybe gotten a nice of sleep you say let's talk about how we can address the 2 a.m. crying situation better so just waiting until the thing pans out a little bit yeah anyway go ahead the next question says what's your preferred

communication style for these conversations and I think that kind of plays into what we were just saying like we try to have a quiet place where it's just us when we're both in like the right head space when we're not in the heat of the moment when we're not hungry and angry, lonely, tired, all of those things. And I think to play into what Andrew is saying, the preferred communications doubt, I think as far as, like, language, it takes a really long time for you to learn

the specific language that you need from each party to be heard and to be, like, to have the message be received. Like, we're still figuring that out. I'm still learning how Andrew best receives criticism or touchy subjects or whatever it is and he's learning what works best with me and that's not being strategic to like get your way that's truly trying to speak a language that your spouse understands the best yeah and that it just takes away it takes trial and error and all of

these things that like we've learned we've learned through error so it's not like we know the answer it's just what we're figuring out have you ever avoided bringing something up I of fear how I would take it yeah have you I mean fortunately um I don't not of this list that is looking at me right now no I can distinctly think about what one example that for me yeah that you like avoided and then finally brought up recently yeah yeah yeah yeah exactly so you've done it too I did bring it up though I know and I brought it up too no I freaking brought it up no I brought up my I brought up my touchy subject that I avoided I forget that one we're dating I forget that one

I forget that one what okay I'm glad you forgot about paintball oh yeah I avoided that no not really I don't view that as avoiding it took me a few months all right anyway but I'm fortunate I mean there's been no grievance against you that I've done

that has made me feel like I couldn't talk to you by something usually I come out guns blazing like remember one time we'll talk about money but uh when I was crushing Dave Ramsey content and I was like anti debt and I just said we're cutting up all our credit cards babe we're going to cash and envelopes

and that didn't go well at all it didn't that was a very touchy subject but and I was like yeah anyway uh okay also the place matters to like have the space

you're in can change the vibe you know like when you're when you're in a restaurant with water sounds dripling and there's greener what's the word drippling

I'm not saying that's the right one I don't think that's a word at all. And then there's a lot of greenery and you're just in a more calm space. Like a coffee shop. And I actually love on this, it says, don't do it in the morning. Don't do it when you're in bed. Like your sacred times, don't try to stir the pot. Yeah, speaking of the morning from personal experience of this morning, a touchy subject

that came up before 7 a.m., Sean, I would not recommend that. but some things honestly you brought it up you came out to me in my freaking workout this morning at 5.30 you're avoiding the thing and I said are you okay

you can apologize you can apologize I'm sorry for interrupting your workout thank you I forgive you and I love you and the great thing is I feel like this is not a question as much as a statement but I feel like after all these conversations, we feel closer. Fortunately, I'm thankful for that.

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feel like we feel closer I we've talked about this in like argument podcast and stuff I have a really hard time putting a period on something and just being done with it I am the kind of person that has to like sit in it and feel it in it beat a dead horse is what you mean to say and process it and psychoanaly it in every possible way holy crap this is the truest words that are ever We're laughing now, but I'm just, after years of crying. When it's done, I don't know how to, like, take the next step and just act like we're all good. Nate Bargatzi has a hilarious bit on that where he's like, you know, when you get an argument with their spouse and then there's one hallway in the house and you have to pass each other in that. And you act like you don't know each other.

Yeah. Yes. Do you ever get in those fights like you'll be at home like by your spouse and you guys are not talking. each other and you're in the house together no kids the house is quiet and you just stay on the opposite ends and then you pass each other in the hallway that's like the funniest part of it because you don't live in a mansion you have one hallway and you just didn't time it out right and you just have to walk by each other like strangers you're like oh excuse me sorry yeah no go ahead so I I am that like I have a hard time just being like great we're done cool you want to go

like have dinner or something like I have to I have to process the emotion and the weight I still don't know to do that to be honest all right you're always like and so we're done and I'm like no I'm just like this has to end okay this has to end let's move on to something else anyway oh my gosh okay this is something that I do not do well and Andrew does better I something that I do incorrectly when it comes to touchy subject is I want to talk about it now. And a point we've put on here is before sharing your opinion, make sure you collect your thoughts. Make sure you take time to think about it and be rational about it, whether that's a day,

an hour, two days a week, whatever. But make sure you collect your thoughts. And Andrew is better at that. He'll be like, let's talk about this in a few days. And that really bothers me. I know it's smarter, but it really bothers me because I'm like, I want to fix it now. I want to talk about it. get it out no no no right honestly the longer we played this game of marriage the more i realize

there's no right or wrong way i'm not doing it better there's a place there's a time and a place for your style and there's a time place for my style both are necessary both have pros both have cons but with these subjects of like you know money or politics where it's a long game yeah sometimes it helps to be a little more thoughtful about it but what we're going over now are healthy ways you can have these conversations that address touchy subjects. The first that Sean started is figuring out the goal of the conversation before it happens. The second is setting up a time to talk that's good for both of you. The third is gently approaching these subjects.

Fourth is not being upset if it doesn't go the way you planned. Just be patient. And let's continue to expand upon the first one of figuring out the goal of the conversation. So collecting your thoughts helps. But then also asking yourself, what's the point of the conversation? I like this one. It says if you don't like the way something is being done, are you bringing this up to criticize your spouse?

Or are you like gently trying to ask them to meet you in the middle and change a little or help with support? Oh, gosh. No, no. I'm not looking at you. Oh, okay. No. I just think this is something in marriage that goes both ways.

Just like you were saying, you can be the person that most hurts or most encourages the person. and it's like having the awareness and the um it's a responsibility being marriage to know what where I struggle and where my weaknesses are and to realize like oh dang I am coming at this conversation intentionally to hurt Sean because she hurt my feelings initially yeah and in marriage it's like dude it's it's a responsibility to put that aside and and to say, okay, I want our marriage to be in a better place a year, five years, 10 years from now. Let me try to encourage Sean to talk to me in a different way that maybe makes me feel more loved or respected and not, you know, just clapping back.

Don't criticize and courage. You can do both. The next one, we touched on this quite a bit already, so we'll skim through it, but it's like setting up a good time for both of you. Make sure, like, you're gently requesting a time to talk. You're preparing your spouse for what's about to come. And the bad times, obviously, being, like, first thing in the morning when you're going to bed. If you're hungry, tired, lonely, anything, just try to create, like, a stress-free environment. Yeah.

That is safe for both of you. Yeah. In a time where you're not distracted or rushing off to something, it's like, hey, you want to make sure that there's a big enough time window. and enough focus given from the other person. So, like, sometimes there's an immediate, hey, I need to talk to you right now. Can we resolve this? But probably most of the time, there's a, hey, babe, when you get home from work, can I have 20 minutes of your time? And, like, that way the emotions have settled.

Both people have, like, been able to reflect on, you know what, I was wrong there. And that's a little harder to do in the moment of, like, having that. conceding that the next one I think is the absolute hardest boy did you talk about the stress free and not yeah okay okay um but this is the one that I think is the absolute hardest when it comes to touchy subjects having a gentle approach because this is like a mind game it gets to be so confusing but it's so important and I will admit I'm still working on this you and I are both still working on this but for example We talked about blanket statements.

Don't go into it with an approach of like, you never, you always, you're like making it about the other person and blanketing what they're doing or what bothered you to be this like magnificent thing that's been happening since the beginning of time. Keep it specific. Keep it small. As small as possible.

Hey, this morning when you did this, it hurt my feelings. Not every day you wake up, do this to me and I hate it. Or I always feel hurt or like I have never feel loved or like whatever it is. And then the one that I think is the hardest is the specific language. So we've heard this from multiple counselors and therapists about choosing your words wisely and making it about you rather than your spouse.

So don't go into it saying, for example, I hate the way you've been spending money. You should go into it and change that and say, I would love to come up with some new ways of budgeting for our family. Yeah, it's a positive twist. It's a positive approach. I really think the way you approach the conversation can change how the conversation goes. And so it's like, instead of me just cutting Sean's legs out from underneath and the third and saying, you're doing that wrong, you're doing that wrong.

This is what I've learned from parenting, actually, which I'm so thankful. It's like, you know, Drew's drawing on the wall. Instead of saying, no, stop drawing. It's like, wow, Drew, that's beautiful. cutting that that prevents her from doing it and I'm saying hey let's draw on the paper now right you redirect the thing there's all this energy or stuff happening that can be used in a positive way I think it's just being strategic enough to point that to where it's beneficial so it's like but when I say Drew stop just stop coloring and when I say wow that's beautiful but let's use

the paper both accomplish the task of not having to all have paint on them yeah but one kind of like kills her vibe or discourages her. The other is like, you know, she feels loved and excited and obviously, yeah, anyway. Well, and I was going to add to that reminding your spouse that you love them, that you're there for them, that you support them, like make sure you're approaching touchy subjects as if you want to like go through this touchy subject together and not just reprimand. You're preaching this morning. You're using good words.

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subject to availability and varied by race. Turns and conditions apply. Learn more at amex.ca. slash Yannex. Thank you. It's good. I'm enjoying this. And offer, like, yeah.

Again, this is some revelation that Sean and I've had the last couple months, but like walking through the issue with them it's a beauty of marriage it's like make make that offer okay I would love to work with you on a budget together let's do it right it's like there's when you have buy-in from both parties on whatever there's better outcomes so first way to have a healthy conversation figuring out the goal of conversation before it happens then set up a time to talk that's good for both of you and creating a stress for environment as part of that like without kids not on long drive not sitting at the

whatever the third is having a general approach and the last is not being upset it doesn't go the way you planned and being patient i think this goes hand in hand with the first one of like what's your goal i think this is easy to do like not be upset if your goal going into it is anything other than like I just want to win this. I need him to see my point. If it's truly wanting to get better at something as a couple, then there really isn't a wrong way to end the conversation. You know?

Yeah. Yeah, I guess I'm getting a little into MMA because our buddy Mike Chandler is fighting Connor McGregor. And like Brazilian jihitsu is this thing where you use someone else's momentum and turn it into something against them, which maybe is a great to directly apply it to marriage. But like, just like with Drew painting, how can you jiu-jitsu this frustration that I have

towards you on your style of budgeting into a positive thing? Like, oh, instead of just saying, freaking Sean wants to, whatever, whatever the example is. She wants to go shopping more than I want or two. I use the worst examples when it comes to you. It's always like I'd never take out the trash. Yeah, it really is. It's like, okay, well, what if we jiu-jitsued that into gift giving for other people?

Yeah. Right? It's like, wow, kind of the same thing. Yeah. You like that idea? I do. So, like, turning a negative. Yeah, yeah.

We didn't, yeah. Anyways, last point. is couples counseling. We've talked about couples counseling so much. I think it's one of the best things you can do for our marriage, even if there aren't touchy subjects, which I feel like every marriage has. Having a third party mediate.

Helping translate your love languages for each other, helping translate intentions and what they actually meant and redirecting and making sure you actually get somewhere. A couple's counselor is amazing. it's so beneficial but also realizing that you can easily use the feedback you get from a couple of counselors like maybe we go into a counselor and they say hey sean you're not really being fair in this argument i would tend to use that as ammunition the next time we're not at the counselor's office and at home and we do the same thing i'd be like hey you're doing that thing the counselor said was unfair

right yeah just that's not that's not the way to do it keep it in the office keep it in the office Okay, because you guys are, I'm sure, are so curious, I thought we could take a quick five minutes and go through our touchy subjects. Okay, great. Where we are with them, how we're working on them. I'm a little nervous about this. Me too.

Also, this is not in our script of what we are prepared. You know they're all curious, though. This is touchy. Which one are you going with here? It was the dog, it was the other one. Parenting style and finances. I think we have two different parenting styles. My perspective was I was the one doing all of the research contacting professionals trying to find the fix.

And yours was, let me just aimlessly do this. So the scenario is the 2 a.m., jet crying in the crib. He has not been sleeping well. We did the sleep consulting thing. They said, let him sleep for, or let him cry for, which, not ever agrees with this method, which is fine. This was before we had reached out to a professional in regards to his age and specifics.

You were referring to the sleep consultant that we had for an infant, and it was not the same. No, it was like, let's just say it's 10 minutes. I don't know if it was that, but it was like four minutes in, and you were like, we need to get jet. He's crying in the crib. and I said, well, we just got told that 10 minutes was the time period.

I think your timeline's different, but it's okay. I remember the way we resolved it that night, though, was, hey, okay, let's let's let it go for 10 minutes. I'll take care of it. You thought that I might let him cry longer, and I wasn't going to let him. So we agreed that we'll watch the clock when that threshold hit.

We'll get him. I remember things differently than you. But that's okay. This is interesting what's happening now. All right, well, that's it. That's like to talk about those two subjects. Thanks for watching today's episode. I'm Andrew.

And I'm Sean. We're the East fam. Out.