Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 184 | answering your pregnancy and motherhood questions! baby #3 q+a | Shawn Johnson + Mallory Ervin

Episode Date: October 4, 2023

Today I'm joined with my best friend Mallory to do a Q&A for the mamas out there! We definitely aren’t mom experts of any kind but it was fun to have candid conversations about some of the real joys and struggles of motherhood. We hope you find this episode helpful and know that you’re not alone in whatever you’re going through. Don’t forget to follow us on Instagram @CoupleThingsPod so you can send in a question for our next Q&A!  Love you guys! Shawn and Mal :) Check out Mallory's website here! ▶ https://www.malloryervin.com/ Follow Mallory on Instagram here! ▶ https://www.instagram.com/malloryervin/?hl=en Follow My Instagram ▶ httsp://www.instagram.com/ShawnJohnson Follow My Tik Tok ▶ https://www.tiktok.com/@shawnjohnson Like the Facebook page! ▶ https://www.facebook.com/ShawnJohnson Follow Andrew’s Instagram ▶ https://www.instagram.com/AndrewDEast Andrew’s Tik Tok ▶ https://www.tiktok.com/@andrewdeast?lang=en Like the Facebook page! ▶ https://www.facebook.com/AndrewDEast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Defender. With a towing capacity of 3,500 kilograms and a waiting depth of 900 millimeters, the Defender 110 pushes what's possible. Learn more at landrover.ca. What's up, everybody? Welcome back to A Couple of Things with Sean and Mallory Irvin today. Mallory Irvin is my best friend. I have known her since 2010.

when I was one of her judges at the Miss America pageant. That's where we met the first time. We ran back into each other when I moved here to Nashville, and we have been inseparable ever since. Mallory is an amazing human being. We sit down and do a mom's Q&A. You guys have submitted all the questions. But to give you a couple things,

if you don't know Mallory Irvin, please go check her out on all of her socials. She is so much fun to follow and also follow her husband, Kyle Demiola, because he might be the funniest human being on the face of the earth. Sorry, babe. Mallory also has a couple of books out, living fully. Please go read that. For so many years, I knew Mallory's full story, but she wasn't ready to share it. She then ended up writing a memoir and kind of shared it with the world, everything that she's gone through. It is something that I think everybody should read. She also came out. with like a journal guidebook that's called all in she has amazing merch she is getting ready to drop a really really cool product at the end of this year do not miss it and i think most exciting of all she is relaunching her podcast living fully on the family made network so mallie irvin i love you thank you for joining me and without further ado mal welcome back oh yeah I was trying to remember the last time you're on a couple things.

Was it with Kyle when we interviewed both of you? Probably. Like a century ago before children? A century ago. No, not before children. Before like the second wave of children or the third. Or the third or the fourth. We did some mom Q&A when we were both pregnant.

And the times that we were pregnant together was Shepard and the two. So not too long ago. Yes. Also, your podcast is about to come back. Super exciting. Yep. That was one of my favorite interviews I've ever done. You've actually asked, like, amazing questions.

Questions that I had never been asked before. Really? Yeah. I was really impressed. Well, it's probably because I actually know you the best of anyone that's ever podcasted you before. So I didn't ask the normal things because I was, because I knew the deeper things. Yeah.

Finally, happy you came out with a book to tell your deeper things. Yeah, you know. The amount of people who would be like, Mallory is, I'm like, you don't know or. You don't know her. You don't even know the story. You should read Mallory Irvin's book. Because it's amazing. You guys submitted mom questions.

Woohoo. Because I'm getting ready to pop out my third and I do everything that Mallory does. So, also we were just laughing. We literally like lean on each other for everything mom. I don't think I could parent without her. I call her every day. I'm like, there's a rash.

What do I do? It's just you have to have someone in it with you. I was like, we're giving mom advice today. And she was like, yeah. And I was like, even though we just constantly ask each other for it. Literally. Every day. Speaking of, Jet has had a rash that's covered his whole back for about four weeks.

It's going to be fine. But, you know, we get more and more laxed with the parenting. I'd say we started at 100%. Second child, we're 75. Third child, you get down to about 10% of the things that actually alarm you and that you actually think are a huge deal. Because, you know, you're just a seasoned veteran. It's actually gotten to the point.

You have boys before I had a boy So it made it easier But we've gotten to the point where we send each other Like open gaping wounds And we're like, do you think we need some glue for this? You're in Kentucky ones You're like, you got any super glue? That'll work.

Oh, you need? They work. Pinch it together. Make sure it's real clean. That's the only rule. Yeah. And then like if you're going around the eyebrow Make sure the glue is dry Before you put the butterfly stitch on I learned that the hard way.

I was actually in college whenever I got Super Blues stitched together. Well, this last Superlu incident a friend of ours happens to be a plastic surgeon which is a very convenient thing to have and he came over and he was just laughing because it was jet and he brought over surgical glue and just gave us a bunch of it he's like I think you should hang on to this that's great he's like you can do it yourself for sure especially with jet who you're going to be glue in some stuff I keep thinking just like every time I let them go outside and play I'm like when is like the

and I'm going to happen and it freaks me out pretty soon it's going to happen I know it's going to happen but he's wide open if you guys I mean like because I see jet all the time and just the way that he is is very different from the other kids his age he just yeah not 100% sure how much pain he actually feels no if any really definitely no fear uh and just really really wide open yeah really lives life to the fullest yeah yeah it's gotten to a point where my go-to saying for him is like I'm not sure about that it's not even like be careful it's just like I'm not sure and he'll look at me and smile whatever my dad just built an indoor tree house which is like it sits six feet off the ground that's awesome and he thought he could jump out of it earlier yeah that was good that was good

he's fine it'll be fine um okay Q&As you guys you guys sent a ton yeah we tried to narrow them down into like general categories because there were like 700 questions within a few minutes um mal how can people want to know how they can find

mom friends as a new mom okay first off here's what is really awesome about moms and mom friends moms are a group of people who really need each other so if you feel like you're coming into a season and you don't have an automatic Milton mom friend, which is a friend that just becomes a mom at the same time, which is what

Sean and I were. Yeah. As soon as your kids get into a program, the moms are like there with hope and arms. Yes. Maybe it's just because it's Nashville. We're all desperate. Everybody's just like, will you be my friend? I mean, was that your experience?

Yes. I think it's very, very hard to find friends who aren't moms. Or like to make new friends that aren't moms. Because after you have a kid, the only thing that you talk about is being a mom. And that's like an automatic common ground. I feel like before you have kids, it's like you're finding the things that you have in common and you're trying to make time for each other, friends, and stuff like that. But I do feel like it's hard, and if they're not in a program or, like, you know, in school yet,

I feel like that's kind of hard, but I feel like the park is, like, the hot spot for meeting mom friends. Absolutely. You know. Or like any extracurricular activities or after school activities. We actually had a couple of friends recently who aren't parents, like, call us out for, like, never responding on text. And I just told them Yeah I was like

You'll understand someday Don't take it personal We have one friend That is always Constantly calling us out For the same thing And I'm like Just wait

Just call me when you have kids Because you're gonna understand And you're gonna understand How this like It's just a thing Like you're gonna get it Like stop being hostile with me I know

Come over here and see what all we got going on At this house Andrew said to one person He was like I'm sorry I'm unapologetically unavailable. Oh my gosh.

And I was like, that was a little harsh, but it's true. It's true. You got to tell me that it was off the podcast. Yeah. Well, he was on the podcast. Everyone knows. It was funny. Todd and Katie.

Sorry, Todd. You figured it out. Here's second question. You're going to love this one. Oh, gosh. I know you well enough. How do you keep up with being a mom and being physically intimate with your husband? I'm going to ask you that question.

Sean. You can say that. I really don't speak about it either. Mallory doesn't breach topics. I just know. There are certain things that I feel like you don't discuss in a public forum. And I guess that's just the southern woman in me that's just a little bit more like buttoned up. I'm sorry. I'm not going to go there with you in a public setting. Sorry. But I do appreciate people. You know, just relationships in general. You and I do a really great job of priority. like small things like date nights. Yes. This is a season where there is just, there's just not as much time as there were when you were dating or engaged or like newly married. It's a totally different ballgame.

You can't pretend like you're still playing the same ballgame. No. Okay? No. So like just suit up and realize that like you're just doing something. It's a new thing. Yes. And you have to prioritize things to like keep your relationship in the front and center.

Yeah. I do believe though that like, you know, There is a season for everything, and if you don't prioritize your relationship, it's going to go down the drain. And then your kids are going to leave the house, and then what happens? I love watching you walk a circle around this comic. You answer it. I would say the same thing. I would be like, it's just a season.

If you like each other, if you genuinely like your husband, you find time for things in every season. If you don't like your husband, which a lot of women actually don't have found this thing. Which is actually shocking. Yeah, you know. We both really like our husbands. We do really like our husbands. It's not a rarity, but like I just, sometimes I meet people and I'm like, why did y'all get married? Because you really don't like each other.

Yeah. Well, you have to work to like each other. You do. You really do. I agree. Next up, how do you parent? Oh, this is preach. How do you parent when you're sick? I'm four weeks postpartum and have a terrible cold.

And wow, it's hard to take care of yourself and the baby. You start that one because you're pregnant and you don't feel that good right now. I mean, just lower your standards. I was basically bawling my eyes out sitting on the couch because, like, I had such bad sciatic pain that I didn't want to play with my kids. And I was like, let's just turn on another movie. Just rot your brains. Rot your brains. But then I was like, I'm actually cuddling with the kids, which is really nice.

You just have to have a lot of grace. Here's what I want to ask you guys, too. Do you remember when you were two and your parents turned on another movie? No. No. Uh-uh. And you probably thought it was the greatest thing ever. You would love the movie, yeah, if you did remember that.

But, yeah, I agree with that. But I also, I think that, you know, having people that can help you, be it your husband, my person that can help me as my husband, or, like, if it's someone that you've hired or, you know, your parent. I mean, if you don't have the luxury of having someone, then that is really, really tough. I, like, feel for people that do it truly on their own. but um you know it's you've got to have somebody that can step in and help sometimes if you actually are like deathly sick i feel like but um yeah that's hard there's nothing harder than parenting like when you're sick especially if it's like a viral thing yes viruses and

the whole house is terrible because you just you just have to like suck it up and keep going i remember we went on a ski trip with drew who was so i had her in october and we went in December. And I was puking every 30 minutes. I had the worst stomach book ever trying to pump at the same time. Didn't Andrew get it too? Andrew got it but we got it two days apart which helped because then he had her and then you just kind of. I mean what can you do? You fight through it. Yeah. And it's inevitable. Your kid will get it. Yeah. It's fine. Um, next up dealing with anxiety of conceiving after a miscarriage. Oh Lord. Any advice that could help. Um, well, We've both been there.

So I, more recently, than Sean, yours was different, too, because you had it first. Yes. So I think that's a different kind of anxiety. It is. Because you don't know if, like, you can actually care. Is it something that, like, you don't know? I feel like, I don't know. You speak to that, and then I'll speak to my experience.

I would say, because it was my first, I was the most naive, so it almost made it not harder. And it was, I don't know, it was harder and easier in different ways. it was harder because I had never thought this was a possibility but it was easier because it was a learning experience I hadn't like experienced a baby yet um the only advice that I would have for that for me was you have to find a community to talk to of some kind whether it's your husband or your family or friend yeah but you have to like be able to like grieve that so I had two children my two boys first and then between my second And third, I had four miscarriages. So me, and I always got pregnant very easily, so I'd never dealt with any sort of issues around pregnancy or miscarriage or anything. So when I had the first one, I would kind of say what you just said. Like, you're kind of naive to it, and you hear about it happen to other people.

You never think it'll happen to you. But it was kind of like, okay, I understand this is really common. I can't believe this happened to me, but, you know, I can get through it. Second one was just like, what the heck? Okay. but like surely this is a fluke thing when i had that third one that's when i was like what is wrong with me i'm never will i ever be able to carry another pregnancy and it and like the further along you get it's hard when you have anything from a chemical pregnancy to a almost in your

second trimester pregnancy it's a loss is just hard but um i think you're always holding your breath i mean after my the fourth one was really really hard because i was almost in my second trimester and like we'd already seen the heartbeat and it's just like you know every step of it makes it harder I feel like um but I will say um I did hold my breath for a while when I got pregnant with Sunday which that pregnancy I carried to term and she's a healthy one year old I would say um after that first trimester I could kind of like breathe again but I definitely held my breath so my advice would just be like know that you're going to feel like that there's really nothing that you can do to take that worry away

but I will say on the other side of it when I see her I am like you know what I hated that I had to go through that but I'm so thankful that I went through that because I wouldn't have her like when you get on the other side of it

you can I feel like that's when you can have some real healing from it in my opinion it's not easy whatever way you swing it I think that was the hardest thing for me though is like with this pregnancy even it's that like holding your breath.

Yeah. And it gets a little bit better every week, but it's like there. Yeah. Just there. And it's just so common. You hear about it all the time. You see it all the time.

You're always like, you know, just seeing it all around you. And even though you know it's common and you know it could happen, like a one and four shot, which is a high shot. Yeah. You just don't think it's going to.

No. It's just, yeah. This episode is brought to you by Square. You're not just running a restaurant. You're building something big. And Square's there for all. all of it, giving your customers more ways to order, whether that's in-person with Square kiosk or online. Instant access to your sales, plus the funding you need to go even bigger.

And real-time insights so you know what's working, what's not, and what's next. Because when you're doing big things, your tools should to. Visit square.ca to get started. Hit pause on whatever you're listening to and hit play on your next adventure. This fall get double points on every qualified stay. Life's the trip. Make the most of it at Best Western. Visit bestwestern.com for complete terms and conditions. Um, okay. Best advice after a long day of work and having mom guilt from being gone. Mm. I would say that's the one that we still struggle with. Yeah. Sean and are lucky that we have schedules at least, that we can kind of alter around our kids schedules but there are days where we do have to work these full days yeah and our kids are right

around the corner and it almost sometimes makes it just as hard because your kids know that you're around the corner and you're just like they I'm like are they thinking I'm choosing not to play with them I know so that's that's tough but I mean I still feel guilt around that the one thing that helps me is I remember of the two parents that I had you know my dad was the one that worked all the time he was actually gone like five or six days a week and he was such a powerful parent to me. I'd never even thought of it like he's not around and he's working. It just, it just didn't really affect me. So I'm like, I've got to remember that in my own experience with a working parent that that's probably my kid's experience with me. I was going

to say the same thing. I remember both my parents. They worked nine to five jobs my whole entire life. I did, you know, every possible before school, after school program. I was in gymnastics all the time. Like I really didn't get to see my parents a lot. and I still have the best memories of them. Yeah. Like, I don't feel like they were gone. Yeah. And it's like, it's just how it was.

Yeah. It's just how it is. And like, I think it's, I think people overthink that a little bit. Yeah. Right now we're in just such like a phase of, uh, I love a lot of like the gentle parenting. They'll just be there all available like there to catch them with butterfly wings all the time. And like, I am that parent sometimes. But sometimes I'm like, you know what?

You're going to be fine. Like, you're going to be fine and you're going to live a great life if I'm not constantly available to you 24 hours a day, like seven days a week. Yeah. And you're not even going to remember it. Like, but I do like being in it because it's such a short season. I know. I also think, too, dealing with the mom guilt and stuff, if you're choosing to work, whether

it's because you have to or love to, it's just part of life. And I think the best way to deal with it is as hard as it is when you come home being like a really present parent. Yes, I agree with that. And making up for lost time. Yes. I also think that really good moms are the ones that feel the guiltiest. Yeah. You know, I just, I think that you're just concerned that you want to be the best mom to your kids and you love your kids.

So, is the second C-section, this is for both of us, easier than the first. I'm terrified to go through it again. Yes. Yeah. And then third was even easier. Really? Yeah. I had a terrible reaction with my second one. You did? I puked for like seven hours.

I puked on the third one, but it was still as fine. Yeah. Um, I think they get, I think the first one's definitely the hardest. Yeah. You got all that fresh stuff that everybody's like cutting through. Well, and you don't know what to expect. Yeah. Like by the second time, you know that it's going to be painful.

You know, like, you're going to have to get up and walk. You know, like, you know the whole process. Uh-huh. So it made it easier the second time because I was like, I remember this hurting so bad. Yeah. But I think because of like the, the, quote, trauma of the first one. Yeah. I like didn't feel the trauma of the second one

I honestly just don't think it was as pain it just wasn't as painful like all the things that were really painful were not as painful the second time and I don't know if it was because I expected them like you were just saying or yeah or what it was but yeah I remember that too though like after the first one

I thought I was gonna die when I had to pee the first time that's still to this day the worst pain I've ever felt in my entire life but then I never experienced that with the second one. I didn't either. And I didn't change anything. Yeah. But I like I got up out of bed out of like on my own. I didn't have to have a nurse. I was like I got that. It was weird. Uh huh. I know. I definitely think like it comes with experience and your body. You just lose nerves. Yeah, maybe the nerves are just

sliced straight through. They're gone anymore. Um, yeah. I've also, we're also trying to figure out me and my doctor. I don't know if you ever had this, but like my C-section scar, I get The most horrific rash that travels up my torso and down my legs, and it stays there for about six weeks. And it edges to the point where I have to, like, I want to rip my skin off. I wonder if you have an allergy to something. I mean, you've got, like, funky allergies that pop up random times in my life. Yeah.

It's true not? Like 12 years. Whatever. Cut that out. Our doctor, my doctor, is trying to figure it out. Yeah. You got it with both of them? both immediately it's like by the time i get home it starts i didn't know that oh it's the one thing

that you've told me on this podcast that i didn't know about you it is how did you not tell horrible it's something that i will happily endure if i need to but there's a way around it i'd love that yeah that'd be awesome um if you lose a loved one how can you parent through grief any any tips or advice to set an example for your kids you can talk about that um I don't know the right way. I only know the way that we dealt with it when we lost Andrew's dad, which was we didn't hide it from our kids. Like we cried with our kids.

We explained our tears. We explained the sadness. We explained what happened. I think the best way to deal with grief is to show your kids how to grieve. Yeah. I do too. And like, it's not like you could. And that was their grandpa too.

it's like they they feel sad in their little tiny kid ways too yeah and it's like how could you hold that in I mean it was so unexpected and like so sad and just I think that's a that's really good advice I would say so my experience with it was when jade lost blaze so my sister lost a baby he was a little over a month old and so when he was born they knew that he was going to have to endure some you know heart surgeries and some different things they always thought he would survive. So for us, what was tough was we were praying for him every night. We were showing pictures and FaceTime and then all of a sudden, like, when he died, it just shifted the narrative so much and kids don't understand it. And, you know, it's almost like

kids say the funniest things sometimes. Like when I can still remember like Ford, every time somebody dies, he is like, they're in heaven now with Bugsy and the queen. Bugsy's my grandpa's dog that died that really affected him. And like, I'm like, yeah, they're with Bugsy and the Queen. Like, it's just, kids are so sweet and innocent. I agree with Sean and that you really do have to model it for them right. But something I want my kids to know about grief is, like, pick yourself up, like, grief and pick yourself up and go on with your life.

Like, it's hard just to stay in it, I think, because, I don't know. And I mean, grief is just hard. Grief is hard. But I do. I think, I feel like my parents were always hard, like, a little scared to show. grief the whole that whole generation yeah yeah and so i almost felt ashamed showing it but it felt good because like my daughter will openly talk about papa now and how she's like are you sad about papa and i'm like no i miss him she's like we'll see him in heaven like she's just yeah aware of like

the stages of it i guess she's also a very emotionally like a little impound entuned child so like even if you were hiding it from her she's going to be able to tell oh yeah so you know, then she's probably going to feel like you're lying to her, you know. So then that will pile on a whole other thing because Drew notices everything. Everything. So she'll even ask like if tears, like if I'm crying for whatever reason. She's like, mommy, are these happy tears or these sad tears? And I'm like, how do you know this?

That's right. You're like it only took me 30-something years to figure that out. Yeah, thank you. She's my little counselor. Okay, long one. I feel like this new wave of moms are too open. about the struggles of motherhood and don't share enough of the happy stuff so it makes motherhood look miserable and it makes me scared to be a mom do you think there's a balance between

acting like you have it all together and sharing only the struggles i love that question yeah whoever asked that question what a great question motherhood is amazing having young children is the best season of your entire life i believe i whenever i had ford i was like where's the positive parents out here yeah where's the positive parenting like all you hear from people people is the lack of sleep and that you know but I think it's easier to connect over tough stuff I think it breaks down a barrier people do it you know it's the being empathetic and it's the camaraderie of the hard stuff I think it's easier to talk about and I hate that because I agree with her I agree that there are not enough parents who are openly sharing the amazing parts of being a

young parent I love my life I love having young children I wake up in the morning feeling so happy and sometimes when I go to talk about it on social media I'm like oh gosh yeah but like are people gonna really like relate with this or will it make them feel bad if they don't feel that so I think people feel that too I think that they it's easier to relate over the hard stuff but I agree with her like I do wish there was more of a balance and more people sharing positive stuff without it being like blanket positivity like head in the sand like yeah it's so easy or you know because it's it's not easy but it's also not terrible it's really amazing it's the greatest thing ever yeah and I remember we I feel like social media is either the perfect parent who like makes rainbows out of sandwiches

for their school lunches on a daily basis and it's just the easiest thing in the world they only show the perfect stuff or they use the hard stuff to make a brand out of it yeah yeah the real like I'm a real mom or like this is the real behind the scenes and I'm just like yeah okay yeah yeah yeah But it's like, it's all negative and bad. I agree with who asked that question that that is rampant all over social media. But I will say, motherhood is the best thing in the world. In the world. It is.

And we had a million. We were one of the first right after you guys to have kids of our friend group. And people try to scare the crap out of us. Just like your life is going to be over. You're not going to have a social life. You're not going to be whatever. It's the best. It is the best.

And it's like so much better of a life than you have. had before yeah people want to cling to all those things that like you have this schedule that where you can do what you want and all these you know date nights and you can go on vacations and so if you can do all those things with children too yeah you can do it we went to grease with our children okay it's possible okay uh five more questions we have five minutes please tell me how you function when babies aren't sleeping oh gosh i feel like a zombie 24 7 because i'm not sleeping enough well i am sorry that you feel like that we have been there. Yeah. Oh, man. And I feel like, so people, people talk about the newborn phase

I feel like all the time. Like, that's the sleepless nights and that's when it's tough. But the sleep regressions and like, you know, Sean and I've been through a lot of that, like with our kids. I feel like every three months, one of our children is having a sleep regression and you're asking me or I'm asking you like, do you remember this? Like, what did you do? And then you start transitioning away from the pacifier and like out of the crib and all that stuff. I mean, you're never going to sleep. I feel like now I'm going back to the negative parenting advice. You know, but I think your body gets used to it as a while. Yeah.

And you go on waves. I mean, you're going to feel like a zombie, especially in the beginning. I will say this is also like a stylistic thing that both of us do. Yeah. But it also, it depends on the person. It depends on your preferences. But Mal and I are both like sleep trainers. Yeah.

We not personally. Yeah. But like we, that's our job. We believe in sleep training. So whenever we get into a phase where like our kids. aren't sleeping and we can't seem to get them out of the funk, we will ask, like, professionals. You have to, like, buckle down. And people, sleep training gets a major bad misconception. Sleep training is not, like, having a kid scream bloody murder in there and ignoring them at all.

Sleep training is a very specific thing. It's about how much they eat. It's about when they eat. It's about, like, schedule. A lot of it is scheduling and, like, when they go down for naps and stuff like that. And about their developmental cues and, like, milestones and need sleep. Yeah. People don't realize. When you're following your kids, kids schedules, like constantly. I just feel like sometimes the kids, like they need more sleep than you're getting them if you're letting, you know,

letting the child decide when they want to sleep and when they want to wake up. I mean, we've got good sleepers now. The past three times I've been desperate and I've gone to professionals, they've all said they need to sleep more. They need to sleep more. They've put them down to bed earlier.

And they always, always, always get better. Because you think that like, oh, no, they're going to wake up. more if they sleep too much or they're going to wake up earlier, but it's just not like that. Developmentally, they need it. But, yeah, I mean, that zombie phase, like that first six or eight weeks, the thing, the only thing that helped me was having a daybed in the nursery so that you can swap out. Like, if you have room, I mean, you can even do an air mattress. You can swap out with your spouse if you have other kids. That's a big thing. And then just remembering how temporary

it is. Yeah. It is so temporary. Yeah. But it's still zombieish. It is zombieish. You can get protein at home Or a protein latte at Tim's No powders, no blenders, no shakers Starting at 17 grams per medium latte Tim's new protein lattes Protein without all the work At participating restaurants in Canada

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slash y annex find time to take a cat nap during the day um how do you maintain self-identity while being a mom sometimes i feel like it's all consuming and it's hard to prioritize self-care that's a good question i mean um you start with that one i we're both very lucky to have very supportive spouses yes are i feel like both of our spouses make it a point to like take time out of the day out of the week, out of the month, out of the year to make sure we have time for ourselves.

Yeah. I also feel like you know, your identity does shift when you become a mom and remembering that and remembering that you'll never be the same person in so many great ways too. And so instead of starting, you know, trying to cling to that old person just like, who am I in this phase of life?

And remembering that I think is really helpful. to and just like doing the things that you love to do maybe it's not as frequent but like finding time to be you i mean the word self-care i know i don't know i just feel like sometimes i'm just like well who works anymore everybody's just laying out by the pool with a mud mask on their face with cucumbers on their eyes i love the self-care yeah but also like others care and like caring for your family is okay too it does become part of your identity yes hopefully it doesn't take over your whole envy but if it does I mean you find ways to weave yourself back in yeah okay rapid fire three for you ready what's the best way to travel on a plane with a toddler oh gosh snacks in an iPad

yeah an iPad uh snacks in an iPad I saw someone post the other day they were like before I had kids I told myself I would never let my kids have screen time oh now I don't go anywhere without an iPad I really appreciate people that say that sentiment but wait until you have kids I mean, we used to do iPads a lot more and then now we only do them on Sundays but they still can watch like TV but I mean we had to take it away because they became obsessed. Yep. Yep.

What things do you do to help with the transition of one child to two or two to three anything prepped to you in the baby? I think kids are so excited to have siblings so to remember that instead of that you're taking away from them you are giving them the greatest gift. I would also add one of my favorite things that I learned or was taught by our pediatrician.

We share everything. Was speak to your kid or kids, whoever is preparing for another baby, as if it's their kid and not yours. So it's like put the possession in the child and make it exciting for them. So you're not replacing them with like, oh, mommy's going to have a new baby. It's you're going to have a brother. You're going to have a sister. They're so excited to meet you. Like make it theirs.

Yeah. He always has the best advice. Always. He's great. I love him. um last one how do you deal with stress and stay calm when your kids are having a meltdown oh lord go ahead i don't know walk away um tap out i feel actually very good at this no so you know i can answer this question for shan because i see you do it so you get on their level and you talk to them

very calmly i've seen you do that you actually are better at that than a lot of people that have seen with kids in meltdowns but you don't your kids don't melt like drew doesn't really melt down she just gets like emotional about things and you're so sweet about the way that you do it i was that's something my mom always told me because my mom's biggest fear was to have a screaming kid and she said kids tend to match your volume to be heard and so my mom always said when i got upset she would whisper yeah and so i do that with my kids i get yeah i bend down and i start whispering uh-huh that's great advice and then if i get get to a point of not coming back i'm like andrew i need to step away yeah um well that's it that's all we

got those are great those are great questions yes thank you for submitting those mal please give us the rundown of all the amazing things you have coming up oh gosh so i've got a podcast relaunching that's a total relaunch total rebrand that is with family made first time i've ever signed with an agency And it's called Living Fully with Mallory Irvin. It's amazing. Thanks. It's going to be really fun. You're going to have another merch launch this year.

Yeah, so we do like holiday merch. Which is amazing. I'm going to have to start doing a lottery system for because it's like selling out at such a rapid. I like cannot keep up because people like love holiday merch so much. It's amazing. I know. I love my sweatshirt by the way. Thank you.

I'm glad. I'm glad I could create that for you. That was my Sean cut. So we have a new venture launching in November that is the most excited that I've ever been to put out a product of any product I've ever put out because it is a product that is going to bring a luxury of this item to, like you've never, I can say where. You've never worn anything like you will have worn this product that's coming out in November. I wish I could say it. I'm excited to get it.

Well, thank you. we will link all of Mallory's stuff down below please check her out follow her everywhere she is the best she's my best friend um

this is fun thanks for having us