Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 21 Jeremy + Adie Camp

Episode Date: May 13, 2020

This week, in episode 21 of Couple Things with Shawn + Andrew, we chat with Jeremy and Adie Camp. These two were an absolute pleasure to talk with. Jeremy and Adie have been married for 16 years now, and speak with us about how they’ve kept their relationship so strong all of these years. These two singer songwriters shed light on what it’s like raising 3 kids together and really offer up some amazing advice. They also talk about their non-profit they’ve built together called, “Speaking Louder Ministries”, which spreads help and hope all across the globe. Both Jeremy and Adie have had a huge start to 2020; they’ve released a new book, In Unison, and a movie, I Still Believe. We’re such big fans of all the work these two have done and are currently doing. Without further ado, Jeremy and Adie Camp.    If you want to follow Jeremy and Adie, you can find them on instagram as @jeremycampofficial and @adiecamp. You can check out their new book, “In Unison” and brand new film, I Still Believe, on his website here! https://www.jeremycamp.com/  If you haven't yet, please rate and subscribe to the show to hear more! And if you have suggestions/recommendations for the show, send us your ideas in a video format - we might just choose yours! Email us at [e-mail].     We are supported by the following AMAZING companies! Make sure to check them out using our special code & link below!    Care/of! For 50% off your first Care/of order, go to https://www.TakeCareOf.com and enter code couplethings50. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

She's asked a lot, how do you deal with your husband talking about another woman? You know, of course, it was first of why she's not here anymore. But, and she's like, well, listen, here's the deal. I've been so touched by the story. And I know it's not about me or not about Melissa or about you. It's about Jesus. I'm not seething in the hopeless, you know, place. And I did.

Because for a while, I felt kind of hopeless, you know, after everything happened. Of course, God was so faithful in the midst of all that. But now you just go, yeah, that was hard. That was difficult. You know what I mean? but God has healed that open wound and now there's just a scar remaining. I think that so it's the reminder that it's not the seething pain. It's not the wound that's that's seeping out still.

You know what I mean? God has healed that. And so you have that reminder of his faithfulness, you know. What's up, everybody? Welcome back to Couple Things with Sean and Andrew. A podcast all about couples and the things they go through. Today we sit down with Grammy nominated. It is singer-songwriter, Jeremy Camp, and his wife, Addie Camp, who's also singer-songwriter.

That's right. They have had a massive 2020. They came out with a movie. They came out with two books. One of them is about their marriage, actually. It's called In Unison. And they're a really, really cool couple. They've been married 16 years, but the movie they came out with was called, I Still Believe.

It's all about Jeremy Camp and his first wife, who he ultimately ended up losing. That's right. And so Jeremy and Addy share an awesome perspective. Really excited to bring this to you. They also talk about what it's like to raise three kids. Yes, which Addy Camp has some incredible thoughts and perspectives on so many different things. Her and I are going to be great friends. You'll also notice she has quite the accent, which I love because she's South African.

That's right. So if you guys want to find out more about Jeremy and Addy, as well as their new book that they just came out with called In Unison, and you can find that in the show notes or description down below. And before we get started, don't forget to subscribe to the show and rate it on whatever platform you're listening on. We really appreciate it when you do that. Let's go ahead and jump at this one with Jeremy and Addie. Jeremy, thank you so much for joining us today.

I kind of want to just start off, Jeremy. We're both Indiana natives. I don't know if you knew that. But I'm curious who your all-time favorite Colts player is. Oh, I know. I mean, that's kind of easy. I'm sorry. Not trying to be generic, but Pink Manning.

But Ben Utec actually is a really good friend of mine. You probably know Ben. Yeah. Did you? Yeah. So he's a good friend of mine. But Peyton, I'm sorry. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. He's a classic. But that is funny. And then, yeah, we, I don't think, you didn't go to Purdue, but my dad's boiler maker. We got deep Indiana roots. Yeah, it's great.

Yeah, I know. Yeah, I'm like Drew Brees from Purdue and like, oh. Oh. The Drew Brees era, man. Love that. Come on, man. I'm a huge Drew Breeze fan. Are you really?

Yes. Yeah. I feel like we have so much in common already. You guys didn't see this because we talked about it earlier, but Indiana, California, Nashville. Kind of crazy. We had a final spot before we even came on, which that was great. You made fun of my five birds. You know.

I did the deep dive research, and I found all the, old pictures and everything. We'll post that during the YouTube video. Yeah, I don't know how your guy's day is going, but ours is a little wild over here. I got hives. You probably can't see them, but we did a bunch like. Yeah, you're having an allergic reaction to something. And then I got a ripped t-shirt here.

It's like, that's just for me flexing, though, Jeremy. Yeah, I just, we're just trying to flex. That's all your stuff. I mean, I do the same thing, so I understand. Dude, you are low-key Jack, though, man. You know, I don't want to show off. That's why I kind of covered it. up right now.

I didn't want to show you up. Appreciate that. Okay, so I want to jump in because I'm fascinated. We're dudes, we can't help it. I know. Yeah.

I feel like we can have any two guys on a podcast they can just like run with sports and football. Sorry for being entertaining. I don't know what else you want to do. So 80, here we go. We can just chit-chat.

The first question, So we were talking about this. It was, it actually, your guys' movie, I still believe. It was actually recommended to us as soon as it launched by Andrew's parents. It was like the first movie they watched the day that it came out. It premiered. March 13th, I believe. And Andrew is one of five.

They've had every single kid and grandkid and like extended family watched this movie. It's a very powerful movie. We were curious in talking. I'm just going to jump straight into like the hard question. I don't know. I don't know this was coming. So we were saying it's such a successful movie. It's such a powerful movie,

especially given the chaos going on in the world right now. How is it for you guys having such a platform and success that relates to such vulnerable conversations and life experiences? Well, I think going into it, I think when you put yourself out there like that, it's almost expected to have these deeper conversations. And, you know, there's a scripture that I love in Corinthians that says that we're called to comfort others with what we've been comforted.

And so, you know, what an almost beautiful time to put this out when literally the song even says, even when I cannot see, I still believe. And I think right now everyone's kind of in this place. I don't know it's unknown. And we have no idea what's going to happen. And that's where true trust, you know, for us, true trust in the Lord comes in. And, you know, we're hearing stories of people saying, you know, we have been struggling with this and struggling with our faith and watching this renewed that hope within us.

Because I think when you see suffering, which is a natural part of what we go through in life, I mean, Jesus, you know, promises us in a sense in John. He goes, you know, hey, I say these things, you'll have peace in this world. You're going to face trials of many kinds. He goes, take heart, I've overcome the world. And so this is a story of overcoming with Jesus in the midst of the most difficult time my life. And so a lot of people right now are going through that, you know, the most difficult time in their life, losing jobs, you know, battling with actually the virus or there's even

death, which is horrible. And fear, anxiety, you're hearing of suicide. It's crazy. And so for me, we're just going, God, please, use this to impact this generation right now, and that people could truly walk out, understanding that there's hope and it's only found in you. And that's kind of where, you know, this movie, how excited it's been to see the fruit of that. I have another question steering off from that a little bit and I want to come back to the movie but talking about renewing hope in such a chaotic time I'm curious as parents you guys have three kids ranging in what ages eight to 15 oh wow that those ages scare me we have a five month old and those ages but I feel like because everyone listening is going through us at the same time

we have a lot of people who are parents going with the theme of that trying to restore hope what do you tell your kids in a time like this watching a movie like you guys have put out about hardships and suffering how do you communicate that to to a child of i don't know just yeah i mean i think you know obviously depending on the age group you might phrase things a little bit differently. But I know for us, we've oftentimes just talked about hard things with our kids and just encourage them. You know, life is hard. But this is in a sense where the rubber meets the road, you know, is this going to be what kind of character is going to come out of us in this season? And it doesn't mean that we're not going to have hard moments or bad days or stressful,

you know, I mean, who isn't at some point feeling a little crazy in being quarantined? And some people I know are battling fear and anxiety and so in a sense just having grace for those places but also I think that they know they're not alone in this you know and so we've just been really trying to be intentional we've been sitting and going through the book of James together and just connecting you know instead of just going hey are you guys good okay good let's just get through this together we've really been stopping everything and trying to be intentional of connecting and going okay how are you really doing how's your heart in this are you struggling how are you feeling and then just letting them know like you're not alone in this and then also just a reminder like

jesus said we were going to go through hard things but he also said take heart because i've overcome the world so he didn't just leave us alone in these difficulties but he said he would be with us with them you know and so just really as a family pressing into those things together i think has been huge for us well i think it's also the awareness and telling them that god's aware of this yeah you know he's it's not like he's gone oh my goodness i had no clue this was going to happen i think that's kind of a big part of letting your kids understand that god's are fully aware he's still on the throne he's still in control and we can trust him even when doesn't make sense you know so you guys have also been doing uh some live stream duets yes beautiful shan and i just to pay homage to that kind

of wanted to do our own right here no no no no you're not going to i do i do love singing um 80, I was, I was listening to the Benjamin Gate. James, absolute jams. Oh, yeah. That's awesome. But I know you guys, the movie I still believe about your first wife and the amazingly tragic, I guess, maybe is a fair way to put it. You guys have also experienced a miscarriage as well. And we, that was kind of something.

that we share, we experienced and we shared publicly. And it was such like this difficult position to be in because, as you know, sharing the difficult things. And as you just said, it does lead to deeper conversations and to into meaningful conversations. But it also is so tough to revisit frequently. It's like, you know, you want to share hope every time you have that question to ask and you have that conversation. But how have you guys found?

navigating that and just like not not revisiting these same emotions that you experience when it actually happened as you have these conversations going down the road yeah i think you know a little bit you know i mean i'll share just kind of from my experience of what i went through and you can kind of share yeah but um you know i've realized that you know when you go through a pain or a hurt there's like an open wound you know what i mean so when you first have an open wound and And everything you do looking at it or not looking at it or rub it up against something, it's, you're going to, it's going to be hurt. But then there's a point when it actually heals up and becomes a scar.

And so what happens is, you know, you don't have the open wound anymore. That's been healed. But you do, you are reminded of kind of the pain and what happened. You're reminded of the journey you went through by looking at the scar. And I think that's kind of been a lot of what I've realized through all this is that I'm not seething in the hopeless, you know, place. And I did, because for a while, I felt kind of hopeless, you know, after everything happened. Of course, God was so faithful in the midst of all that.

But now you just go, yeah, that was hard. That was difficult. You know what I mean? But God has healed that, that open wound. And now there's just a scar remaining. I think that, so it's the reminder that it's not the seething pain. It's not the wound that's seeping out still. You know what I mean?

God has healed that. And so you have that reminder of his faithfulness, you know? Yeah, I think for me as well, I mean, as much as there's so many difficult things in life. And I think especially, you know, when we went through our miscarriage, I was 14 weeks. And so we had literally waited the whole first trimester to just come out and make a big public thing. And it was literally like a couple weeks after that that I went in and there was no heartbeat, you know. And so it had sort of forced us into this public spectrum to have to deal with it publicly. But I think the beautiful thing of it was that there's so much power, I think,

in vulnerability that people do feel like they're not alone, you know, like. like, oh my gosh, that happened to you. And that was one thing, I was actually shocked to hear so many people that had struggled with pregnancies and struggled with miscarriages because I, up until then, in a sense, was kind of clueless, I think, you know, until it happened to me. And then it was like, oh, my gosh, there's so many people that have walked through this. And I think knowing how people got through and just seeing the faith that people have had through the different trials.

And then, you know, this God is so present in some of our most difficult things. And I really felt that. It was like in my most broken hurt and sad moments, I felt God's presence so much. I literally would just sit down at the piano and just play worship songs and just all my head off. And I just felt like God was so present in those moments in healing. And I think when we share those with other people, there's such a sweetness. Like it's God's way of redeeming those painful things that we get to share those gifts

with other people, you know, and just realize, oh, my word, like, I'm not the only person that's gone through this. And then the hope that we share with each other, it's kind of like, okay, we're in this together, let's do this. Or, you know, when someone's feeling down, it's just like, it's okay, you've got this. You know, you're going to make it through. Yeah, I think kind of bouncing on what you said, too, of feeling like you're not alone. Even with the book that we wrote, the marriage book, it's writing this to be very transparent. So we're very transparent in the book as well, sharing our struggles, you know.

I mean, we don't have a perfect marriage, you know, contrary to popular belief, you know. But we basically have been really real and transparent. It's the same thing. And people don't feel like they're an island. Like they're going through this alone. And so, you know, you find that comfort in knowing, you know, the new normal that you have with somebody. And so that's for sure.

Being transparent, being open is a massive part of what we have been in our journey trying to be. I have a lot of questions about the marriage side of things. But we want to take it back. We always ask our couples, how did you first meet? Well, I had actually been playing with my band for a few years, and we were touring around, and actually it was Jeremy's very first tour. It was a tour festival, Condio. I was opening up for her, by the way. That's right, he was.

Yeah, and so we met on, we met on tour, and our merchandise tables were set up really, really close to each other. I feel like you don't hear that very often. Our merchandise tables next to each other. It's like our kids who are like, we say things that people don't understand, like, where's catering or where's the... The career services. But, yeah, we met on tour and honestly, it was totally not love at first sight whatsoever. I was in a rock band. And I didn't actually love Jeremy's music.

She didn't. Don't tell anybody. But yeah, I was just, I didn't, I wasn't thinking that he was the fit for me. You know, I was looking for something completely different. And so when we met each other, I think we weren't trying to impress each other at all. We became friends really quickly. And we're just total idiots and goofballs with each other. But I think because of that, there was sort of a comfort level that was very quickly established.

and we just became close friends. And I was blown away by his testimony. I'd never met anybody as young as him and had gone through so much trials and still was authentically saying, you know, I don't understand why God allowed all of this to happen but I still believe. And that absolutely blew me away.

So I was very intrigued. I was asking him tons of questions. And then I was also equally intrigued with his wife, Melissa, because the same thing. The faith was so strong. And she was young. You know, you don't stare, cancer and death in the face and just try to think of, like, the most noble thing to say.

Like, that isn't a natural response. Really, I think what came out of her heart was authentically who she was, and it was such faith, you know. And I was so blown away about that. So I would just sit and kind of ask him tons of questions. And then we became, you know, great friends. And then all of a sudden, it was kind of like, I wonder where Jeremy is.

And then I said, why don't even care where he is? I gave her a note and I was like, do you like me circle yesterday? know. It was perfect. It was beautiful. It was amazing. Oh.

Sounds like George straight style right there. Yeah. I am curious. I just have deeper questions. I'm sorry. I'm very curious. I like that.

I know. Yeah, it's awesome. We've done episodes before on like blended families. We've done episodes before about people marrying into adopted kids and just all these different scenarios for families. If you don't mind me asking. I would be curious, especially for our listeners, just in different scenarios, how both of you approached marriage, again, Jeremy, you being, you having been married before and lost your wife, and then 80 coming into, I don't want to say that baggage, but that already spot that's filled in his heart that you don't expect him to get rid of ever, but how do you blend that together and honor?

that from both perspectives. Yeah, I think for me personally, you know, a lot of people say, how do you do that? That was good, Sean. You know, I think people, they try to figure this out. People have been upset with me, you know, going through this movie because, you know, people like to troll on the internet. Oh, yeah. Really?

And, like, I thought that, yeah, exactly. You thought that you were, you know, the love of your life, how could you get me married? You know, you see it that. I'm like, here's the deal. God has expanded my heart, you know what I mean? And I don't think you understand that. It's like when you have a child, and we have three now, when you first have your first child,

and then all of a sudden you realize that, oh, we're gonna have two children, you're going, how am I gonna love the second child as much as I love my first child? Like, you kind of like, you know. We have that exact thought. And what's amazing is your heart just goes, it expands, you know what I mean?

And I think that for me, that's kind of just what happened. My heart just expanded. It wasn't a replacement. wasn't like all of a sudden you know of course she's the one that God has chosen for me to walk this life through and I'm so thankful it's what a treasure but God expanded in my heart and that's I think for me how I dealt with you know stepping forward in that is going okay Lord when I felt guilty saying no no no when I'm blessed you with something received my blessing and that's what I did

and I'm so thankful I did because she has been the backbone of of this and been so supportive of, you know, in the midst of me talking about my testimony, I mean, you know, sorry, I'm yapping here, but, you know, she's asked a lot, how do you deal with, you know, your husband talking about another woman, you know, of course, it was, first of why she's not here anymore, but, and she's like, well, listen, here's the deal. I've been so touched by the story, and I know it's not about me or not about Melissa or about you, it's about Jesus. And I think that's the whole reason why she can stand and you can address that.

more but yeah yeah I think you know for me first grief changes you you know and so the man that Melissa married is different from the man that I married you know when you when you go through something it's like we talk about it's the new normal when you've gone through something so hard and so difficult that changes in a sense who you are and so I think because of that Jeremy and my story was so different from his and Melissa's you know theirs was sort of the kind of this beautiful romantic fairy tale and I think ours was it almost felt a little bit more like okay this is real like we're in the gutters together how we're going to fight our way out of this you know what I mean and just walk through seasons of healing and and those kind of broken things

together but just like Jeremy said I was so deeply touched by their story like literally the the Lord used it so much to change my heart and encourage things in me and I just remember You know, it's not like I haven't had difficult days or insecure moments, but I just remember thinking, who am I to stand in the way of him sharing his testimony because so many people have been touched by it and because I was touched by it. And so I, for me, I've gone, I mean, there have been many times that I'm like, share your testimony. It is so powerful of what God did. And it's bigger than us. You know, like Jeremy said, it isn't necessarily about me. It's not about Melissa and this competition between her and I.

all. And so I feel this freedom in my heart to just go, she's totally my sister in Christ, we'll all be in heaven together one day. But right now, you know, Jeremy has this beautiful testimony of how God got him through such a crazy hardship. And I want people to be encouraged and strengthened by that. Wow. You guys are really good. Like, you guys have an amazing perspectives. And you're better at talking than Sean or I probably. No, that's not true. It's just because you're asking the questions. So we're just responding to questions. I always love these podcasts, though,

because sometimes I find myself so interested in the answer. And you guys will, like, finish. And I'm like, oh, I have to ask you another question. I'm doing a podcast. That's only sometimes, though, as she said. I'm curious, can you guys tell us the engagement story? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Have you read it? Or you just want me to... I actually haven't. I need to hear from Jeremy's mouth. Okay, I like this. Okay, you know, because of the situation, you know, I very much, very early on, you even talk about, I was like, I'm not going to play games in this whole thing. I've been, you know, already...

It's too much at stake. Yeah, too much at stake. You know, I've been through grief and intermarriage and so not playing games. So at one point, I started feeling that, like, guilty because we were actually, you know, I was liking her. I didn't, should I do this or not? And so I was like, you know what? I'm just going to break it off.

you know with her so um oh no i know so i take her out and like hey we need to go out and and talk and she kind of knew something was up she told her friend i did i had even told my friend that day i was like i not we hadn't i mean we weren't officially together but i was like i think jeremy's going to shut this down yeah so i decided to be romantic and take her to apple beast and i was like you asked me so do the apple beast and we go out and literally you guys that what came out of my mouth she was sitting across the table from me And I looked at her and I was going to say, hey, this is not going to work out. And I looked at her and said, do you feel like you can marry me?

She literally says, yes, right away. And I went, okay. I go, well, I actually came here to kind of break it off with you. It's going to work out. But that didn't come out of my mouth. So I literally, that came out of my mouth. And here's a deal because I was, like, my personality is, I don't know if you guys do the enneagram, but I'm an eight with a seven way.

So which that is like the challenge your confrontation. but also fun guy too, but I'm very much like, you know, you're like, uh-huh. And so I looked at her and she, if she would have said or delayed her response, I would have been like, I'm out, like right away. But because she actually said, yes, I knew that, okay, this is serious. Like, we actually like each other. So that was kind of not how we got engaged, but kind of how we got engaged. I was going to say, was that the official, like, were you engaged moving forward? No, we just kind of looked at each other, like, what the heck this happened?

like trying to eat our food and we're like uh uh wow we're engaged i think six months later or something like that but uh with an actual official engagement okay how to make it like special still hey i know we already did this but here's your ring have amazing careers um and tour a lot you travel a lot i'm curious how you balance you that while having three kids, while keeping marriage as a focus, that's not an easy thing to do. No, for sure. For one, she's awesome. I was going to say, I think for me, it's keeping the main things, the main things. And what I mean by that is for me, the main things are my marriage and my kids and obviously

my relationship with the Lord. And so if those three things are functioning and healthy, then I feel the freedom to do things outside of that. you know and so even practically like on a daily basis I'll just do even a practical checkpoint in my head are like okay the kids taken care of any responsibilities taken care of and as soon as I can check those boxes then I feel the freedom to pursue writing or singing or doing something that's a little bit in a sense me focused I guess and I think you know essentially as well is I'm really prayerful about the things that opportunities because obviously I mean as you guys know there's so many opportunities that come my way and it doesn't always necessarily mean every one of those opportunities are what we're

supposed to be doing. And so I'm really just prayerful like, God, you've got to show me if I'm supposed to be doing this. And then I think for me, if I know he has showed me and given me the green light, then I'm all in, you know, but if he doesn't give me that, then I just have this hesitation and I don't feel the freedom to kind of dive fully right in. So I think those are kind of my little indicators, I guess. Well, I think too, we're, we make sure that everyone feels included she had to tell me one time she's like hey uh you got to tell me what's going on on the road because she would hear things that are awesome that happened that she heard from somebody else she's like what did you tell me like i don't know i just moved on to the next thing i guess you know

i'm just a typical guy and so you know i had to learn that that's not how she operates and she wants to feel like she's a part of what we do and so we've made you know i made her and made the kids a big part of what we do and so they'll say she'll say hey guys dad's sharing jesus in front of a bunch of people night, let's pray for him. And just so you know that God is using you and you're going to have rewards in heaven because you let your daddy go out and share these things. Now, we also do take our kids with us a lot and my family with me a lot. So it's not like we are always separate. I mean, we've made a very intentional time for us as a family. I would say at least 50% of the time that I'm gone, they're with me. You know what I mean? At least. So it's important that

we do things together. So they feel a part of it. But when they're not, we just make sure they still feel harder. Sean, Sean went on tour, I guess three months after we got married. Yeah. The day after we got married, we had to fly out to Oakland

and I started football training camp. I never signed with the cults, Jeremy, but I got to go to, I went to mini camp and got to play with like Vinoteri and all the boys. Did you really? Yeah, it was awesome. But it was easily the hardest time

in our marriage, her being on tour because she's, we're on completely different wavelength. She's like when you're on tour and in front of thousands of people every night, you're living the life. You're like, you know, it's like this weird it's like this weird high that you're on essentially. And I'm

sitting at home. I couldn't go with her. So I'm like, I just got cut from an NFL team and I'm on the, you know, the slumps. And I think she, it's so good that you intentionally share the good things that go on because I think I think we got so disoriented that Sean almost felt guilty

sharing the good things because she knew that I was like you know bumming at home and so I think we've definitely matured past that but I the touring and traveling that that can be very very tough so kudos to you guys yeah I think when you know that you're in it together yeah you know and so I think for us it was like we've got to keep include each other yeah and just keep us a team thing, you know what I mean? And then acknowledge the sacrifices that you're each making. You know, because in a sense, like, I'm making sacrifices holding the home front down and I'm missing out on all these incredible things. And, you know, Jeremy's going to so many different countries. I'm like, oh, my gosh, I want to go with it, you know. But he acknowledges the sacrifice

I make. But then, in a sense, he's making sacrifices too because he's away from the kids. And so he's missing out milestones and he's missing out rad conversations and memories that I get to make with them. And so just knowing, like, we're in this together, and it requires both of us, it's a cost on both accounts. Yeah, I think that that's one thing is that if you point that one person has it better than the other, or whatever, or vice versa, whatever that would be, one has worse than the other, that's when the conflict arises because that won't get you anywhere.

You got to acknowledge the good and what the person is doing. Breach. So you guys have been married 16 years? Yeah, yeah. so that's amazing four years tomorrow so we're getting there but I'm curious

because you guys have been married 16 years I mean just talking about four years the amount of highs and lows you go through in a relationship, the things you learn the trials you go through what are some of those overarching lessons you've learned for the highs and for the lows. What do we have to look forward to years four to 16 in marriage?

There's so much. First of all, that's the whole thing is that you'll realize what we were saying is that everyone goes through these things. When you start to open up and start being transparent, you're like, oh, okay, we're not alone. We're not crazy in our marriage, you know. but conflict resolution is a massive part of it with communication and it's learning how yeah as you know it's learning how each person how they tick and how they deal with things I have to process

she wants to deal with it right away I can't because I have to process and so I'm like what's wrong with you let's talk this through now she she would think that oh he's not as that's literally us I'm like I need to know and he's like I need my space yeah well in the beginning as well I I process him needing space as him not being as committed. Like, it felt like rejection to me because I was like, okay, we're going through this hard thing right now. This is where I need you to show in our conflict, like, that you're the most committed. And I had to sort of shift the way that I was thinking through that because I realized

he was committed, but he needed the space to think through how he felt about things and how he was going to process some of that stuff, you know? Yeah, because if she pushed me too much, then I would actually get more and more upset and actually would be a very volatile and be like, phew, you know. You said this conversation. We just had this conversation. But so this is what you have to do. So we have a marriage counseling here.

So this way we have to do. Basically, you know, I have to understand and she has to say, can you at least tell me that you will talk through this, you know, soon and not like, you know, don't sweep it under the rug. And I have to acknowledge, yes, I will. And she has to acknowledge, I can't deal with her right now.

And if I tell her, hey, you need to quit pushing me right now, then she asks us, she needs to stop. You know what I mean? But we have to acknowledge both, like, hey, you need to stop. And she's like, are you going to deal with it eventually? Yes. That's a big massive part of conflict resolution. And I think, too, communication, there's a couple things, too,

that I will tell you guys that we've learned is, and it's in the book, too, but don't tell each other that you're okay if you're not. And so what that means is, like, I'll give a practical small thing. Like, I say, hey, I love how you're looking over. You guys are so cute. You guys are awesome. Hang out, of course. Yes, please.

Please. You know, she would, if I would say, hey, can I go out with my friends? And she, if she didn't want me to because she felt like we needed to connect, then she needed to say, actually, I'd rather you not. And I have to understand that she's not being ungracious or not wanting me to hang out, that she actually, in her heart is like, I need to connect. But if she says, yeah, go ahead. But then expects me to.

to read her mind that she's known or just should have known that I you know we needed have time it's like we don't think that way you tell me that hey no I don't and if you're okay then I'm going to go and I'm going to have the freedom to go and not wonder if you're sitting there at home frustrated with me because what happens a lot of people will be like yeah yeah it's all good and then they start seating inside and then that little tiny root will start to grow and then pretty soon everything that you do apart from your spouse like I'm going to go to the store like oh you're always going away from me like it just starts becoming irrational because you've grown this gross root of bitterness and resentment and so don't tell the person you're okay if you're

not you have to tell the person that cannot read your mind totally I think for me as well one of the things that I had to learn is I can't rely on Jeremy for my emotional well-being Like, I have to find my value in Christ. I have to find my worth in who Jesus thinks I am. Because if I'm looking to Jeremy, who's awesome but totally flawed, then it's just that I'm going to get frustrated with him. I'm going to put unnecessary pressure on him to read my mind, to know where my heart is. And that's essentially unfair on him.

And he can't do that anyway. We were never meant to complete each other, you know? I think there's this sort of narrative. in our culture of like you complete me and we get married and we love happily ever after and it's not true at all it's like okay you've got two imperfect people now you're going to start rubbing the heck out of each other do you know what I mean and find all the things that you disagree on and you've got to find this middle ground but I think also knowing that the beauty of marriage is knowing each other's weaknesses and still loving each other past that and so it's like in that

Jesus that's Jesus you know I mean it's like you know 16 years of marriage in For us, we're looking, I'm going, Jeremy has literally seen me at my worst and is still chosen to love me. And it's like, we've done things to hurt each other. We've said things that are hurtful. You know, we've totally done things we regret. And we've had to work through forgiveness and stuff. And even like Jeremy said, it's like, you've got to keep your hearts soft towards each other.

You can't let that root of bitterness come up because hardness isn't something that happens overnight. And really the breakdown in divorce and marriage happens because our hearts become so hard. It's like irreconcilable differences, you know? And so for us, I think we've just learned to have to deal with those things. Like, don't let a root of bitterness creep up and don't let your heart get hard. And even if you have to ask God to give you supernatural love for each other, I mean, there's times that I'm like, I don't like Jeremy very much right now, you know?

And, or I mean, even further than that, more than just not like, it's just going, I don't even know. Like, I have no ounce of love in my heart whatsoever from him right now. I'm hurt. I feel like my heart is hard. And I've literally got on my knees and just gone, Jesus, you are supernatural. You're bigger than me. And you can give me the things that I need to love.

Because love is really ultimately supernatural. It was God's idea in the first place. And so to go to him and say, God, I need you to give me what I don't have. And I can't tell you, like, he's done it. He's helped us forgive. He's helped us move past hurts into where we really genuinely love each other. We're best friends. and I'm stoked to be married for however many more years, you know.

Can you guys write a book or something? Like marriage, maybe? Okay, 80, I love how you did say in one of your interviews that you don't need Jeremy as much as he thinks. Yeah. Freaking classic. But you guys have had an epic 2020 so far. So let's see. In February, I still believe a memoir was published.

March, the movie came out. And then just last week, this April. April, you guys have published your book together called In Unison. Can you tell us about that? You've already shared so many amazing marriage tips, but I would love to talk about the book. Yeah. So basically, I mean, a lot of what we're sharing is in the book. But like, I think the reason why writing this is we all need as much tools as we can get in any part of life. But in marriage, you need the best amount of tools to walk into this. Because, you know, a lot of times we go into marriage and we might go through counseling and people talk but you don't really you're kind of in la la land at

first and it's just the chemistry's there and everything's kind of infatuation so you're almost like we're not going to deal with that you don't actually think about it and process through it but I think this book for me was one of those things saying okay we both went how can we provide the best tools possible that we know not that we've figured out marriage I don't that we have a perfect marriage at all by any means but how can we provide the best tools of what we've learned and I think you know ultimately the biggest thing is is people go into marriage and they have have this disillusionment that they're going to fulfill all my needs that we were talking about, you know, and that's why she was saying, I don't need you as much as you think I do, you know,

because Jesus is the one that provides all my needs. I think people get into marriage and they have this kind of expectation that, man, everything's going to be great and they're going to fulfill my needs, me, me, me, me, me, and then all of a sudden they're like, well, I'm not happy. You're not doing your part, so I'm going to move on. Or you're not letting me fulfill my dreams. And so I'm going to move on. And it's like fully contrary to what Jesus says. about marriage. And, you know, I think for us, you know, we're learning so much still. But I think the massive thing is, and you've kind of touched on it, this book is just going, you cannot do marriage without Jesus. And you can't do marriage without playing Christ first in your life

and realizing that he is the provider of all of your needs and your spouse is not. And it doesn't negate our responsibility, you know, Andrew, like as a husband's to go, you know, oh, I don't have to do my part because it's all about Jesus and he provides all her needs. It's not that. But when you're spending time with Christ, the fruits of the spirit naturally overflow from your life, and you will do what Christ has called you to do to lay down your life before, you know, your wife, as Christ lay down his life, life for the church. And so, um, these are natural outpourings of, you know, spending time with Christ. So, yeah, there's so many, there's so many things. That's why it's like, you talk about. Yeah,

you know, I think our heart behind it was just going, we just want to, we want to change the world around us you know what I mean and so it's not like we have it all together by any means but just going hey these are the things we've learned we want to be honest and transparent and just go we we've struggled with these things and this is how we got through it and just with hopes that that would impact other people's lives and marriages and give them tools to not give up you know well we even talked about we're talking to somebody who has a podcast is mostly for singles and we're like this is for singles as well because prepare yourself you You know what I mean?

Everyone needs that. Well, because we went into marriage too, and I feel like that what we've done is that, you know, with our parents, we've taken the good and spit out things that were like, yes, not a good element of four friends of ours that were like, I love that, do not like that at all. You know what I mean? And I think that we've always, we've been very, in a sense, hopefully, trying to be teachable, not that we've always maybe acted upon it right away, but we've wanted to watch.

we've wanted to watch the things and grow from people and we have people in our lives too we talk about you know have people in your life that that you're real with you know because once again don't wait till it's too late because we've had so many friends that that have gotten divorced and they come to us and you're like we had no clue and they've already for for five years or whatever had this very volatile relationship and they've been bitter towards each other and their heart is so hard that they're like you know what I've already made my mind up like we're trying to counseling through it like basically we've already made her mind up and that doesn't mean that it's impossible god can break through any barrier you know and wall but most most the time they end up

getting divorced and it's very sad because they've already they waited too long so this is one of those don't wait too long here's a tool to help walk through those things yeah um where can people pick up in unison um really right now the best because everyone has amazon Right. Yeah. True. Yeah. Martin Noble.

I mean, any online retailer. I mean, you can go to the stores eventually, but don't go right now. But yeah, Amazon really is the best one of you. Adi, as I understand it, this isn't the first book you've written. We actually share something in common. I wrote a children's book as well. That's awesome. Yeah.

So yours is called Even Me? Is that right? Nice. Mine's called You Are. But I'll have to check those out. out yeah it's actually probably sounds like a similar concept you know yeah yeah uh talking talking about the the hardening of the hearts i was reading um a book recently and it talks about it's kind of interviews like elderly couples and it talks about how quickly the rift can occur

where it's like you know if there's even if it's a small dispute to the two parties if they don't resolve it or have the intention to resolve it as you were talking about you know they go to their separate friend groups or community, whatever it is. And if it's not a strong community, a lot of times the people will just like kind of be the yes man of like, oh my gosh, I can't believe that he did that or I can't believe that she did. And then it like reinforces that, oh, I've been wronged and they need to apologize. So anyway, I think it's, I think it's a really good thing you guys are talking about in

the book. And I appreciate you sharing that. Do you want to do? Yeah. Do it? Okay, a little more lighthearted. We have the three questions. So three questions that we ask every couple.

But you have to choose who goes first without knowing the question. Oh. Okay. Okay. So this will end positive, I promise. But 80, what is your biggest pet peeve with Jeremy? That he doesn't do the dishes. Classic.

Okay. Now, Jeremy, your biggest pet peeve with 80. Um, what is my biggest pet fee with you? Um, I don't know. That's, that's, why is that so hard? You know, it's hilarious, Jeremy? But every time we do this, the girl has one. The girl knows the guy is always like, oh, nothing.

And the guy, either they just don't think about it that much or they play this like political game where they're like, well, I don't want to pay for this later. I'm going to be. I'm going to be. I'm going to be. And I actually love, I don't know if you're aware of this, but we've seen it from, from the husbands before where their immediate reaction is, oh, I don't know, babe, what is my pet peeve for you?

I think, I was to say, honestly, we have a tendency, like, when we go on the road and come home, she leaves all her stuff out. I do. In the bedroom. I take, like, weeks to unpack it. Oh, same. And it drives me a little crazy.

Totally. It's the worst thing in the, oh, my gosh. It's the worst having to unpack. Okay. Okay. So part two. Now, Jeremy, you have to go first. What do you love the most about 80?

I love her. I shared this last night because we had the thing at the table with all of our kids and we shared the things that we love about each other, which was really good and encouraging. That's cool. And what I said about her is that I've never met anybody who is so in her pursuit for godliness and her pursuit with Jesus to say, Lord, please show me the things in my heart that aren't right. She constantly is asking the Lord to open up. It's what David said, search me, oh God, and try me and see if they're being.

a wicked way in me, renew a steadfast spirit within me. I really feel like that. She does that, and I love that. Now, 80, what do you love the most about Jeremy? There are lots of things. Yes. You're right. It's kidding.

I think Jeremy has a very strong personality, and a lot of people know him for his big personality. And I think what is equally attractive to me and beautiful to me about him is he has the same strength on the opposite spectrum when it comes to his sensitivity to the Lord and that he listens to the voice of the Lord and he's sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit. And so I don't have to ever worry about him.

I don't know, just getting off the rails or whatever it is. It's as much as he's all in and passionate and strong, but he really does. His heart is to be in line with the Holy Spirit and to just have that sensitive heart towards him. And I absolutely love him. Because it makes me feel safe. It makes me feel like I can trust him and there's the safety in it, you know.

I love that. You guys are great. Okay. Best piece of relationship. You're great. Best piece of relationship advice or marriage advice that you've either been given or would give based off your experience. I'll give a funny one first.

Is that cool? Yeah, that's great. My dad always said, a happy wife is a happy life. Yep. Oh, gosh, I'm trying to think about the earliest piece of marriage that I heard. Gosh, I'm trying to think. I think one of the, if I have to think about the earliest piece of marriage advice that I heard was that in order for there to be an argument, somebody has to be selfish. And I just remember hearing that and just going, oh, wow, okay.

So I get to play a part in this of whether or not I'm going to be selfish. or unselfish to keep this argument going. And I think if I think about it, it sort of set the tone for how I view conflict of just going, okay, I can either be a finisher or I can keep this thing going, you know? Something bad. Yeah.

I like that a lot. Yeah, that was good. I think mine is basically the whole, I heard this from a bunch of friends. Don't let the sun go down on your anger. And at first I was like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I realized, like, what happened, you know, because a lot of times I'd be fresh.

because I didn't want to deal with it, you know, like, that's me and there. And I'd roll over, frustrated, and I'd wake up. And then sometimes I wake up and be really just hard right away. Like, all of a sudden, there was nothing, no tenderness in my heart. And so I really understood that. It's just saying, it doesn't mean you have to resolve it right away, but at least be like, hey, I love you. Let's just, we'll deal with this tomorrow.

I don't want to deal with it right now. At least kind of give some kind of leeway because I understood that, like, that's why it says that because your heart naturally even almost like when you're asleep it's like you know like you have dreams about yeah anyway yeah yeah I love all of that and I mean again just write a book or something if you guys if anybody wants to find you where can they find you we will put all the information in the description below but this is kind of your opportunity to just if there's anything you want people to know the book the movie, your guys' foundation.

If you guys want to talk about that, um, run with it. Okay, sweet. Yeah, so Instagram, uh, Jeremy Camp official and then 80 Camp, Facebook. Jeremy Camp.com. Yeah. Uh, Spotify, same thing, Jeremy Camp.

And then 80 just on Spotify. I'm trying to think what else there is. So the movie is right now because it was in theaters, I still believe it was March 13th. Of course, theaters closed down. The hard thing is it was the number one movie in America on. Friday night when it was just kind of like amazing but oh like you know what's like okay Lord how do you gauge what's happened but it's on you know any video on demand like Amazon you know prime video or anything that's that that's right now it's out of it's out people should

check it out because they're stuck at home and it's just a really good time to discuss some the deep elements of that. Our book in unison, of course, Amazon is the best. It's a notable of that. And then, yes, speaking louder is a ministry that we started years ago, that I go overseas and basically do these evangelistic outreaches. But we try to make it a three-fold thing. It's going to, like went to India recently, and we did a full scale, 16,000 people showed up. you know, Uganda, we had 35,000 people show up, but we also build homes and we built a medical facility in Uganda. We have kind of network of resources that we put together for these, you know, churches, local churches, that we have this kind of conference before the event. So it's very much

not just like, we're going to play a concert and share the gospel and that's it. It's, hey, let's build a hospital. Let's build homes. Let's have a conference for the leaders and encourage leaders in the area. So that's been incredible. We had to cancel our Georgia. We had one in Eastern Europe in Georgia. We were going to, but had to cancel it. But yeah, it's, that's what, that's just what we do. Like we have a heart for missions. It's a massive part of what we want to step into more and more as we move on. Yeah, it's just sharing hope and then leaving something tangible behind, you know. Wow. I love that. Well, we had a blast with you guys today. Thank you so much for your time. Thank you both for your music. Thank you for

the live streams. Thank you for shaving your sideburns, Jeremy. And if you guys, if you guys want to find out more about their book that they wrote together called In Unison, you can find that in the show notes down below. But it was a real pleasure talking. So thank you. Thanks so much, you guys. That's awesome. Yeah, you guys are awesome. Thank you.