Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 219 | you asked for our advice again

Episode Date: June 26, 2024

We’re back with PART TWO of our advice episode, where we pretend like we have the answers to all of your questions 🙂 We dug into some REALLY interesting questions in this one, from advice on burnout, dating, faith, weddings, vacations, hairstyles, and more! Make sure you’re following us over at @CoupleThingsPod on Instagram so you don’t miss out on the next one! Hope you have as much fun listening to this as we had recording it! :) Love you guys! Shawn and Andrew  Follow the Couple Things Instagram ▶ https://www.instagram.com/couplethingspod/?hl=en Follow My Instagram ▶ https://www.instagram.com/ShawnJohnson Follow My Tik Tok ▶ https://www.tiktok.com/@shawnjohnson Shop My LTK Page ▶ https://www.shopltk.com/explore/shawnjohnson  Like the Facebook page! ▶ https://www.facebook.com/ShawnJohnson Follow Andrew’s Instagram ▶ https://www.instagram.com/AndrewDEast Andrew’s Tik Tok ▶ https://www.tiktok.com/@andrewdeast?lang=en Like the Facebook page! ▶ https://www.facebook.com/AndrewDEast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When you're with Amex Platinum, you get access to exclusive dining experiences and an annual travel credit. So the best tapas in town might be in a new town altogether. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Terms and conditions apply. Learn more at Amex.ca. you want my advice i do you want my advice always you want my advice always you want truth you can't handle the truth okay welcome back everybody to a couple things with sean and andrew how the heck are you today babe i'm good i haven't seen you today this is our first time i woke up at 430 today i know you just

been flying around in the skies usually at this time we've spent many hours together yeah thank goodness that wasn't the case today it's been an eventful weekend we'll start with a little personal catch up here as you're listening to this episode first of all first of all if you're listening to this episode i have a special message just for you i hope that you are having an epic day an epic day i just hope it's like things are just rolling in your favor i hope people are high-fiving you're walking in like you know wolf of wall street hype man style just like rah rah rah is that what you feel I hope you had a great breakfast. I hope you have a great lunch.

Did you eat breakfast? No, I actually still didn't even eat lunch. I didn't have time to pick up a sandwich. Let me just tell you guys before we get into the details. We are getting, we are ramping up. I feel like our life was moving at like maybe 80 miles an hour last week. We're slowly picking up. It's like maybe 120 this week.

Full throttle, baby. And then I think it's just going to get faster and faster and busier and busy. year. It is an Olympic year. And I feel like these particular Olympics are different since they're post-pandemic. This feels like the first true marketing Olympics since probably 2016. Rio? Where people are attending, endorsements and sponsors and events. And there's so much hype around it. And as an Olympian myself, it's just a burden to be able to have to go to all I know. So our lives are very, very busy.

Very busy. Can I brag on you for a second? I don't know if you knew this, babe. But to Sean's credit, what year did you compete in the Olympics? 2008. Do you know? No, that was like a rhetorical. 2008?

Yes. Okay. So that was, let's do quick math here, 16 years ago. Yeah, I'm old. And there is an article in the Sports Business Journal. You're a top six female. personality athlete still. Wow.

It's like you, Serena Williams, who's the W.W.E. Bella. Do you not know what I'm saying? Who dated John Cena? Nikki Bella? Nikki Bella?

Thank you. You're just looking at me like... She's married to a Dancing with the Stars dancer. They got married? Yeah, they have babies. Holy smokes. Anyway, that was 16 years ago and you're still one of the top sports personalities.

It's not surprising at all, but yeah, we do have a lot. And it's all, honestly, this is how we designed our life, kind of. It is. It's so much fun. It's a blessing. We do really well at, like, we're efficient. We're being bomb, boom, pew, pew, pew. Left and right.

Pew, pew, pew. Andrew and I say pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. Bullets flying. That's what we say when there's a lot going on. But anytime something goes wrong, a little hiccup in the schedule, someone gets sick or Andrew poorly schedules. That's the more frequent thing. Yeah.

It really derails us. So, yeah. Our margins are small. Yes. I did my first speech, my first keynote. How'd it go, baby. It was like, okay, I think I came close to, I think I came close to communicating. I think you're your worst critic.

I bet it went phenomenally well. It was fun. It's fun. Preparation was my favorite part of that. And then the next day, did a collab with Doodad, went on his boat, which is epic, went on a whitewater rafting trip with my best buddy, Justin. Shout out a brother's fountain. Then I had to hustle to the airport. almost missed my flight thank goodness it got delayed

why did you almost miss your flight andrew because i am i am irresponsible in many ways still you almost missed your flight i have not told you this but i would have missed it if it didn't get delayed your flight was at 8 p.m no no no no no it was a 7 no that does not help your face at all i made the flight though

andrew look i was cool as a clan you had nothing to do all day except make a flight i had to whitewater raft and be a good friend I had to show up for my friends. If you would have missed that flight, I would have killed you. We rarely miss flights, but thank goodness. Because I'm with you. 100%.

Because I'm with you. But I realized I actually think I want to be the type of person that showed at the airport early now. After that, because I was like, I had to like do breathing exercises because I was just trying to imagine. If I missed that flight, I had to call you and tell you. I was like, it's not missing the flight. It's telling you.

That stress me out. Here's a story for you guys. This is legitimate. Two days before his event, he still hasn't booked his flights. And he goes, babe, do you want me to get back at like noon the day after? Okay. Or like 8 p.m. And I was like, I would like you to give back by noon.

And he's like, okay, 48 hours goes by and he's like leaving to go to this event. And I was like, so you'll be back by noon? He's like, I'll be back by noon. by eight. All right. Well, I made the whole trip. And then he calls me

the audacity of this man. And it's like 8 p.m. now in Nashville. And I looked at your location. I was like, interesting. You're still in Colorado. And I was like,

babe, did you forget to tell me that your flight left at 8? No. You didn't land that 8? That was a true story. And you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you didn't tell me you almost missed that bike because you were gallivanting around with your bros. Busy day. So I landed at midnight Then I had to wake up early the next day to do some home. It's like the biggest homework week for my Ph.D. program.

Oh, interesting. And also my fault. Did you prioritize that well? No, but I, now I'm pulling early mornings and I had to stay up until midnight last night, submitted the thing three minutes late. I was freaking doing my breathing. You want a pity party? No, but, oh, Father's Day was amazing, though.

It was amazing. Thank you. I woke up, shed some tears because we had some. pictures of my dad there. Sean had this beautiful set up. We spent the day by the pool, went to church. The kids are a freaking blast, dude.

Is this the best days of our life? We're living in them. They are. Literally. Future Andrew, these are the best days of your life. And then hopefully actually they get better, but like we're at the peak.

We are. Going up. Yeah. It was a lot of fun. And then I'm supposed to get my instrument rating for flying tomorrow. So I had to shove in. I really think you can,

can work on scheduling your life better, babe. No, but here's what happens. You have to wait for this FAA guy for this rating to say I'm free. And usually it's like six months out, but then he's like, hey, I'm free on Tuesday. This is on Saturday. I don't think. F it. Let's send it.

Send it. Look, my thing is, I was thinking about this. I'm not talking about that. No, no, hold on. If you don't freaking do it now, it ain't going to get done. That's like maybe partially my best quality and biggest fear and worse quality. Okay. So if you end up not passing your doctorate, if you end up failing your flight test.

We know why. Exactly. I'm fine with that. But you know how to realize doing all the nonsense. I don't think you'll do either. I think you're that guy that you'll pull it off. And it will enable you. Oh.

Oh, my God. You know what? We're in marriage counseling right now. I told you. We told you this. I don't know. I didn't go There's too much stuff

You canceled the counseling You told me to You canceled yours Anyways I had to take our son to the doctor I was sitting in a meeting with my counselor Because it's like one on one And we were talking about your scheduling

And yes Andrew we were And I was saying She's like What frustrates you the most and I'm not kidding I said this I said the fact that it somehow works out

every single time like you're late to a charity event you're two hours late but what you make it two minutes in time to sit down at the table oh Chad wants to get dinner with this by the way I actually have exciting news on that front oh my gosh I'm freaking hyped

we'll talk about it later all fair all fair all fair what date babe because we're going to the White House that's epic too holy crap dude we don't just be just be a deep brief episode I know what the freak we're supposed to we're supposed to be doing an episode we'll have to cut all this up so whatever that thing is you're describing I agree it's like razor thin margins

but somehow the flight gets delayed I make the flight and it makes me mad that is my dad though literally everyone used to say he was like a cat that always lands on his feet you're like I don't know how he made it through that thing but he did he did it's legendary and I guess I freaking

but here's the thing now you know it's luck is when preparation Meets Opportunity Don't put your mouth on the mic Welcome to ASMR You don't even know One of the last episode of ours you listen to Freaking never

Yeah I say them Okay What's your favorite podcast babe? My favorite one? Yeah When you talked about your dad That was actually really I'm really proud of that episode

The grief one? Yeah, I'm really proud of that If you haven't heard that Worth listening to Should we dive into our actual episode. I'm just trying to think if there's anything else that debrief. We're going to Cape Connect.

Can I say something? Yeah. For our listeners. You're doing your thing where your mind's going too fast so your volume's going drastically down. Well, I just delivered the inspirational message of luck is when preparation meets opportunity. No, that's not what I'm talking about. You're dipping a lot. Let's keep your volume out.

Okay. Sean thought I got addicted to tobacco while I was out in Colorado for 24 hours too. What's that in your lip? Is it Dip? Is it dip in tobacco? No, it's sunflower seeds. Who puts a whole thing of sunflower seeds? No, I actually lied. It was coffee beans. I forgot. That's why I did that. Because I was like, we're on the river. You know, it's tough conditions out there. You need caffeine. Just straight shot to the bottom one. You know what I'm saying? You ever done that? A coffee shot? A coffee dip? Have I ever put coffee beans in my lip? Yeah, you love dipping. It's your favorite. you're at your best right now you're at your finest i love this version of shan i could throw anything at it and you kind of respond to it well yeah all right anyway now that we have all our

personal flaws out of the way it's time for us to give you advice okay what a transition what a transition this is uh giving advice ander have you done drugs no ever never do you do this thing Sean even when we're playing games you make me smile like it's a guilty smile you never don't know but it's just because you look at me like that I've never have you is that the advice you're giving don't do drugs

don't do drugs how did you even think of that one you brought up drugs oh yeah what no I said addicted to tobacco that's drugs I've done tobacco okay done alcohol what you want me to just do on confessional now when did you do tobacco I've dipped before I was like I've dipped before I told you on the golf course with our buddy dude you vomited

this guy gave me a nicotine pouch which don't do that in 60 seconds I was like nauseous I'm like why does anybody do this yeah gross cold sweats spins anyway back to us giving you advice Okay. I know this is what our podcast should always be just dumb, dumb. Let's do these rapid fire. Audition, you want to do the intro part? No. You know?

Not that you asked. But for each one of these episodes, we've done like 220. We have these little one sheets that wonderful Ginny puts together. We have all the links that you need, a little description. This helps us stay focused. Follow the story arc. We did just go off script. We're really focused.

today for about for about 20 minutes or the majority of this podcast okay okay up first okay oh you sorry you got yeah oh our best piece of advice for new parents oh we feel clueless oh if you're asking that question you're you're doing it well you know yeah that's how I feel so so don't be too discouraged you obviously care that's step number one second this is the best piece of advice I got from Tress when we were pregnant in Washington he said look if you're feeding them

and they're still alive you're doing a good job no I'm just saying they're more resilient than you think and it's like it is terrifying to think you're going to do something wrong and that advice just hit

because it was like okay you like you can't really mess it up okay am i wrong i'm wrong i'm wrong i feel like that's not a very politically correct answer there are a lot of things you could do wrong in the sense of like let's love them and you know thanks it's spoken that advice is for people who overindex on stressing out about doing it wrong yeah there's people that under index that don't take that advice you can do it wrong that's my advice to you

but if you I'm not giving advice today doing a good job I was going to say the best piece of advice I was given is you are the perfect parent for your kids

you are going to be given so many different pieces of advice what to do what not to do what to feed them what not to feed them how to sleep train or not sleep train by so many people and at the end of the day the only person's opinion that

matters is your own you are their parent no one else that's really good advice babe think we're sharing that second question getting married in 60 days how to manage that weekend and all the stress that comes with the wedding congratulations i could go on a tangent right here hit it don't stress about your wedding. A lot of people feel like they're throwing a party for all of their guests. They're not. Those guests are coming to celebrate your day. You know what?

If it rains or if your table claws don't show up for some reason or if the food gets served cold or whatever thing could go wrong that you think could go wrong happens, the only thing that matters is that you marry your best friend at the end of the day the rest is just funny memories to look back on and I would say how to manage the weekend don't care about anything except getting married if you've put everything into place to like make your big day happen then walk into the day just being like this is blissful because inevitably something's going to go wrong so if you walk in there trying to white knuckle that thing like super tight grip on trying to force perfection of oh this is how I imagined it and

the band's going to be great they're not going to miss a note and everyone's going to you know cry when we kiss and it's the the what do you call the after part reception is going to be like a sweet party whatever it or the food something's going to go wrong yeah so I think you've done all the preparation at this point now it's just have the mentality of like this is what my theme in college was just making memories. Yeah. We're just making memories. I even remember with our wedding, like Andrew and I paid for our wedding.

And I remember we got through a lot of like the process of planning and designing. And I remember our wedding planner at one point was like freaking out because I refused to pay for a rain tent. And she's like, it's in April. It's very likely. It could rain. You're doing your ceremony outside. And I told her, I was like, you know what? If it rains, those are going to be the most epic pictures.

Yeah. How fun and cool would that be? And it's just like embracing this idea of anything could happen. It doesn't matter. Let's just roll with it. And it's kind of your advice for parents. It's like if you have a wedding planner, their whole job is to prepare for the unexpected. So like, yeah, get the rain tent.

That's just one opinion. Like that's their unique perspective that they're bringing to the team. Your parents are going to have another worried about. the guest list whatever your perspective as a couple on that day and the week leading up to it is just like let's just be with each other and i will say that i have come to appreciate weddings more yeah back when we were planning ours it was like why is this such a big ordeal yeah this feels so over the top i just want to elope but it is a day that you'll remember forever and so like you can either remember being freaking stressed and pissy or

Or you can say that was hilarious when it rained and you slipped in your wedding dress and whatever. It's like you can either make it funny or stressful. Usually, usually it's two sides of the same point. Next up, navigating trust with your partner after watching your parents' ugly divorce. Huh. I will say this in a very, follow me here. We've had close friends recently go through a really hard thing in their marriage. And we didn't even realize it at a time, but it affected our marriage.

And I think it just goes to show how strong the influence is from, like, your closest community. And you have to work on your marriage. and reassure each other as frequently as possible that your bond and your trust and your relationship is impenetrable if that makes sense. Yeah, and what do you mean when you say work? It's like you got to have the conversation when you don't want to have it and you're too tired

and you don't know when Sean asked me, how are you feeling and I don't freaking know how I'm feeling and it's like, okay, then you got to sit through that whole thing. It's like showing up and doing the work of being present, giving it time, giving that relationship space. I've been trying to push towards, like any time there's a fracture or friction or frustration. How about that for a 3Fs? That's pretty good. Pouring some communication on it, right?

I know now that eight years into marriage, Sean is my most diehard teammate. I know how she loves me. I know that she loves me. And it's like, okay. Okay, those bases are covered. So we're a team. If there's disagreement or we're not seeing the same way, let's just talk about it.

So just making sure you're doing that. I'm sorry that's happened, though. It's a bummer. Also, you're not them. Keep telling yourself that. Mm-hmm. You want to read the next question? advice on getting healthy foods into your family and keeping it a habit.

We started using this app called Yuka. Yeah. And it rates all the foods from zero to 100 and kind of tells you, it kind of helps you navigate. Like, okay, it also gives you comparables, more healthy options. So like certain types of peanut butter or cereal or whatever, that's helped. I also think just establishing boundaries. He's like, okay, dude, if we had candy. First of all, Sean runs the show as far as what food we have.

You have since I met you. Thank goodness. But if we had candy in the house. All you eat is candy. Or cereal. Dude, I crush that. I crush it. So it's like a hard boundary of, we're not healthy because we're like, like, healthier.

We're healthy. I think we're healthy because we've said this is not what we're going to do. Right? Yeah. I would say some habits that you can do that we do in our household. I don't know how to, like, give you habits on other lifestyles, you know? But I know what we do. If it's not in your house, you won't eat it.

Right? That's a very simple rule. So our kids, our family, we eat candy. We go out to ice cream. We have birthday cakes and cupcakes and treats. But we don't stock the house with those. we try to keep that outside as like moderate experiences. The treat's not a treat if you have it every day.

So we try to make it something to look forward to, anticipate. Something we do keep stocked in the house that we have on hand, hue chocolate. That's a really simple thing you can do. If you're used to having candy or chocolate in your house, swap it out for a healthier alternative. I would also say make snacks, fruits. vegetables, dips, like even ranch, hummus, salsa, guacamole.

Keep those easily accessible, pre-cut up, and ready in the fridge. Whatever you can grab the easiest is what you're going to eat. And have a healthy option on every meal. Meaning put a strawberry or put strawberries on the side at lunch. broccoli for dinner have like something healthy every meal you don't have to eat it your kids don't have to eat it but making it a frequent habit that it's always there encourages the consistency of it and have grace for yourself I think one one thing we've done well is we have like our staple healthy meals like the salmon dish the white fish

dish the chicken dish we know that we like those we know that they're healthy, we can just tee those up all day, every day. You got this, though. Keep it up. Next. My son is getting his tongue tie released, and I'm so nervous. Any advice on that experience and how you knew he for sure needed it. Well, a flashback there, dude.

How did I know he for sure needed it? I didn't. It's putting a lot of trust and a lot of faith in professionals and trusting your mom got. You got, like, many opinions. You got the pediatrician, you got a tongue-tie consultant, a latch consultant. a latch consultant, breast, yeah, whatever, like four or five people. There were a lot of things. And even the orthodontist who did his procedure said, like, she could not guarantee that

that was going to help. And it's not a guarantee. It's just you as a mom know what's going on. And if you believe this is the next best option to see if it works, then go for it. Don't be nervous. kids get this done daily it is hard it is sad they are in pain afterwards

the massage afterwards it will not be fun but if it works it does make a huge difference like if it's if it's what he's needing it does make a big difference it can be worth it oh this is it

the day you finally ask for that big promotion you're in front of your mirror with your Starbucks coffee. Be confident. Assertive. Remember eye contact, but also remember to blink. Smile, but not too much. That's weird. What if you aren't any good at your job? What if they dim out you instead? Okay, don't be silly. You're smart. You're driven. You're going to be late if you keep talking to the mirror. This promotion is yours. Go get them. Starbucks. It's never just coffee. Yeah, to your credit, all of those people that gave opinions said not to. Yeah. Do it pretty much. I think the doctor, who obviously is kind of biased, said it's worth trying, and you felt that way.

And so it was like at that point, that was a tough phase. It was tough. And literally that next day, that day when we brought him home, he was eating way differently, way better. And smiled for the first time. And like, ugh. Yeah. Good luck, though. Yeah.

There's no wrong decision. next how to bring faith into your marriage either by praying together or reading the Bible and what that looks like for you I've got a good idea what I think the best way you brought faith into our marriage to start is we did daily devotionals I feel like the Bible felt like a little too intimate to start with so we started with devotionals yeah it can be kind of intimidating you don't know how to navigate that in certain instances you could read proverbs for whatever day of the month it is. So this is the 17th. You could read Proverbs 17 or get devotionals. We read Tim Keller's meaning of marriage devotional and Proverbs devotional. So we each read one. It takes, what, five minutes? Total. And we do it over coffee. And it's a great way to

start the day. It's also, I mean, that initial conversation of starting a new habit is always awkward right even if it's with your spouse it's always awkward I feel like okay we're gonna we've been doing it one way and maybe they won't respond to this well but once you have that set up and there's like buy-in then you're like yeah it's kind of like that atomic habits principle of like you're the type of person you assume the identity of the type of person that reads the devotionals every day and so then it's when you don't do it it's abnormal I think something else that you did beautifully that now we've adopted and we like keep we do always is pray before dinner pray before meals and what ander did and it's become such a norm now within our

our like friend group is we always pray before meals even with company so if we have a hundred people over you better bet we're getting a big circle and we're doing a prayer before dinner or not even a big circle, just like making a point. It's just like, it helps strengthen your marriage in the sense of you're on the same page. Usually everybody's down for it too. Yeah. They're just waiting on a leader to step up and make place.

And if they're not down for it, then they don't sound like that interesting of people or curious of people. I'm not kidding. No, it's like, if we went to someone else's house and they were like, yo, this is our pregame ritual for dinner. All right, weird. Let's light some insights.

sense and do the thing you know or whatever I'm down let me let me try it yeah was that was a weird way to close that one out it was yeah we're gonna move on okay advice on planning a family vacation with toddlers it feels overwhelming and I don't even know where to start well it depends what your comfort zone is if you've never taken a road trip with them or flown with them I would say it's like you kind of want to gradually grow your boundaries don't try to overdo it I think put yourself in a position to win and be thoughtful of like, okay, we're not going to go to New York City because then we have to have a small hotel room and then there's no real place to have the kid play around and there's a ton of people that could get lost and that sounds always stressful. Let's go to like

some small beach where there's a house close to the beach with maybe a pool that has a safe arrangement and a lot of playroom for the kids. Or you could and pack the car to bring all the toys that you need. I don't be overwhelmed. It's a lot easier than you think. What are the most important things routine-wise that you have at home for your kids? For us, I can tell you,

it's our kids' blankets in sound machines. That's like their most needed constant thing that they have to have in no matter where we go. So if you're going to identify like the most important things bottles or formula in the morning or like whatever it is make sure you have that wherever you go and I think your kids will surprise you I think I think it's a lot

more fun and exciting for them to be included than it is a hassle also speaking to those who are very routine oriented like us I have found that like that first couple times you break the routine and you're like dealing with the time change and the kids are now waking up way earlier because they're all off their schedule. It's going to be stressful probably, but what I've grown to love is the special moments that you never get any time else

where they come and crawl in your bed in the morning and now you're napping together or they fall asleep on you. And you're like, dang. Dude, now that we have a four and a half year old and we realize that that phase is so quick and fleeting, I kind of wish I could go back and break the routine

and capture that a little more We absolutely love traveling with our kids Highly recommend it You got this though Can't wait to hear how it goes Next up My boyfriend can't seem To give me a timeline

Of when he wants to get engaged Married and have kids Is this a red flag And worth ending their relationship? Interesting Interesting Interesting Oh, because

it's almost like a legalistic it's like if you it's almost like a third wall like the veil of if you say i need a timeline it kind of ruins the whole unspoken vibe right it could go either way we obviously don't know this person i would say either he doesn't want to give you a timeline because it's going to happen he wants it to be a surprise and he can't yeah okay either he doesn't want to give you a timeline for like engagement and marriage because he wants that to be a surprise it could be you know whatever and kids i can also see not having a timeline for kids because if you aren't mentally ready for kids i think the better question to ask is do you want to have kids someday if someone can answer yes or no to that i think that's way more important than

when nobody knows when nobody knows when nobody knows when they want to have kids, especially if you aren't ready for kids yet, there's no way I could have told you, I don't know, a year, five years, 10, like, I don't know what life's going to look like, but I knew I wanted kids. Or on the other side of the spectrum, it could be like, I don't want to tell you any of that because I actually don't see that as being part of my life. So cutting through this question and respectfully rephrasing it. Yeah. It's almost like her biggest fear is the uncertainty of whether he's as committed as she is, right? So maybe that's a different way to go about it is not like hey when are we going to get engaged it's just the more

softball toss question of do you see this relationship as being long term do you see yourself interested in having kids like be right that's what she's trying to figure out i feel like she's trying to control too much here like she wants to know when she's going to get engaged she wants to know in how many years she's going to get married and how many years she's going to have kids. I don't think it really works like that. I think you either have to trust your partner and say we're on the same page. He wants to get married. He wants to have kids and I love him and I want to wait for our times to be right or not. I think that's good. I really think she just she feels like maybe she's more committed than he is and wants to address the gap. Next, how to manage parenting

stress and not deflected onto your spouse or others. Sean? We've gotten better at it, okay? Yeah, we have. I love you. I love you. I love you. I feel like we have been doing a good job trying to practice this in the sense of I try to tell you when I'm stressed and why I'm stressed.

And I try to be quiet so that my stress does not say things that I don't mean. I don't need you to be quiet, but I do appreciate the community. communication you know it just takes reps to be honest the whole thing i mean it is meant to be stressful i think i've used the phrase before it's all joy and no fun that's just kind of the it's like but it is fun i know but you don't always feel like wow yeah i talked to a bunch of people they're like everyone talks about parenting like it's the best thing out there and it's a little it's like yeah it's both it's the best thing out there and it's the most stressful thing that's literally how it works it's it's fun because

it is stressful meaningful anyway so just buckle down and get the reps I guess is the answer to that next up you got it

advice for keeping the marriage strong while going through infertility hmm keep the faith that's hard infertility is very very hard It's very emotionally deflating.

It can kind of hurt the intimacy, the vulnerability, the romance. It's hard. It can be very consuming too. I think you just have to be open with each other, communicate. And don't forget that even though you're going through infertility, you're going through it with your person. like they're still your person don't lose your person because you're struggling like that should try to let that make you guys stronger yeah sorry you're going through that i think it's it's almost like a respectful rawness that needs to be shared and that's i think how we really

imperfectly navigated that we maybe under next on the respectful side of things because it was just there's a lot of emotions and then it's like okay you feel like you made it through the valley and then you're like I'm ready to get pregnant again one person's probably maybe ready earlier than the next so then one person's like excited in that conversation the other person's like well not yet and then that causes tension and then it's like but it it all is wrapped in this potential for uh I think intimacy it's like it's like just you can can really be there for each other in a unique way. So just look for those opportunities.

We've got to get through the rest. Next. Fun things to do together aside from being parents to keep the spark alive in your marriage. Anything. Ride a bike. Draw. Play darts.

Go to a pool. Go get coffee. Go get pancakes. Go to a movie. Write each other notes at home. go to an escape game go to a concert yeah

watch funny YouTube videos go pick flowers take a walk tag but you should you should give yourself a block of time to let that happen a lot of times

I don't go on date night we have like four hours blocked usually I use two and a half three but it's like the first half hour you're kind of getting warm back up to the friendship side of things through parenting. And then you're like, oh, sweet, golly.

Dude, I look forward to date night. This was not always the case. No, no, no. It's always been awesome. Wow. But like last week, last week I needed it. Yeah. I needed you, you know.

So you just got to give yourself a block. Give yourself potential the highest probability of making fun things happen. And you've got to give it space. Seven more. advice for keeping some sort of schedule with toddlers and a newborn when they don't nap at the same time I feel trapped in the house with one of them always sleeping

nap trapped nap trapped what we have done with bear when we had this was wear him on you or wear your baby and let them nap on you let them nap in a stroller don't always feel like you have to put them in a crib

like be on the move it's fine if they skip a nap it's fine the more kids you have the the looser grip on the schedule you have or you're forced to have so I don't know how young the newborn is but there is like this transition phase from you're doing things with the schedule and routine with the first that now you just literally can't so they'll be like you'll you'll catch on to that with time you'll transition wow what what next you read this one I met a guy caught feelings and we started dating oh no

Soon after, found out he has a wife. Do I contact her or just leave him and never talk to him again? Oh. Bruh. What? First of all, what a chooch bag this guy is. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, man, that sucks, dude. People out there, there's people out there like this. Yeah. Come on. You're better than that. Do better. You've fucking got a wife. You're missing out on the best.

part of the whole freaking thing if you're out there dating other people you know what maybe you got some problems buddy that maybe if you just hung out with your wife she could tell you about and then you could take care of them if you had the balls i'm freaking it's ridiculous okay you're you're the guy that freaking probably does morning workouts let me let me do the ice bath in the freaking morning no do marriage well dude show up for that every day take that cold plunge that's whack i'm being serious no do marriage is like the coolest and this guy's out there ruining it i think this is rampant i think this helps a lot i think a lot of people are escaping instead of trying to face hardness of life and fix it and go through the valleys um in regards to your question do i contact her

or just leave him something we've learned in counseling No, don't contact her. It's not your responsibility. Your responsibility is to take care of your responsibilities, yourself. The best thing you can do is walk away. You can confront him and say, this is really unfortunate. This is nothing good.

But I think you are taking care of your responsibility by removing yourself from the situation. Yeah, I think you got to. to pull a parachute and move on and honestly it's going to be hard to do you're going to have to forgive that guy sometimes it feels like freaking dude doesn't deserve to be forgiven but to set yourself up for for the next relationship that sure is right around the corner you got to forgive that guy move on feel bad for him and on to the next how to avoid burnout as mom it's all consuming and I feel so touched

out. Feel that sometimes. Touched out? Have you seen how our children attack me? Sometimes it's like... That's funny. I've never heard that. I just don't want to be touched anymore. Sick. Sick, sick, sick. That makes it weird as a

like... You also, your love language is physical touch and you love cuddling, so then it's... Where does that put me? I have never said this to you, though. Like, don't touch me, I'm touched out. But sometimes it's like when your kids are grabbing you

and touching your face and pulling on you and like Jet is in this weird phase where he just wants to stick his arm down my shirt and my bra and I'm like, please stop. And Drew can be all touchy-feely and it's just like, oh my gosh, I need a little space. And I think what Andrew idea,

we try to organize and always build into our schedule. alone time like truly letting me go work out having space and same with you well you didn't you didn't actually take advantage of that until recently though yeah so but i think maybe the idea that you knew oh you had my support yeah helped onwards advice for when you want to advance your relationship with god and your partner supports you but isn't doing the same they're not your responsibility you are pray for them show them that would be tough

dude because you're like you're on different operating systems if like let's just say God is I think the Christian God is more than this to me but like it's the most pure holy highest best virtuous thing

right and you're saying I want that and your partner's like I want to watch football not the most virtuous, holiest thing. I think that's totally fine. I'm saying that's tough, though.

It's tension. It is tough, but hear me out. If this question is coming from someone who believes in God and believes in redemption and salvation and if you take that initiative to advance your relationship and you start doing things

that bring you closer to God and you are married, your partner will notice. that and all you can do is pray for them and encourage them but everybody's journey with their relationship with god and their faith has to be on their own time you cannot force that appreciate it advice on toddlers constantly telling mom dad and daycare i mean please tell me i mean this is please tell me that's what toddlers do they're equivalent it's a phase it will end don't lose your don't lose you're cool. Don't do anything to your regret. Don't do anything that sends the kid to counseling

years from now. Just freaking push through. Patience. That was a little too regret. I didn't mean like that. Next step. Oh, here, I'll read this one. Sean's perfect slickback ponytail and bun and braids. Teach us your ways. Any advice on how to make it look so good? I don't know. Look at you got this slip back right now? I use a horse hairbrush. There you go. That's it. Really? Don't you use like um and like hair spray okay what else do you use I use like nothing

crazy I usually steal your stuff like a pomade because you put a loose end yeah what do you think I was doing I don't know I wasn't sure

you do a good job there's not a lot of these baby hairs coming in the conjuring last rights on September 5th I'm here we need you. Hooray!

Hooray! Array! Array! You look good. A horsehair brush. There you go. Okay. Advise for going through grief and marriage.

In marriage, how to communicate well through all the sadness and express your needs. Don't try to communicate it well. Just communicate. I think if you get tripped up thinking like, oh, I just don't know how, then you never will. You got to start somewhere. Grief really is like a precious face and it doesn't last. so it's like be present in it you were really patient and understanding when i listen to sad songs in the car or i tell you like are i come in with tears in my eyes it's not like a frustrated

confusion it's like very welcoming warm hug with your emotions thank you for that so i think if you're if you're in the grief let it rip man let the tears come ride the highs ride the lows and then tell your partner about them i cried yesterday it's special you know grief is like it's like the depth of feeling dude that means like it was special meant something share it my husband is on his phone constantly it's become a problem in our marriage advice on boundaries for screen time and marriage. What the frick. Are you mad at men today?

Well, no, here we are. We're sitting in New York City at Carbone. We got Sabrina Carpenter behind us. This is an epic Italian restaurant in New York City. You can't get reservations. I don't even know how we did. We're sitting there, freaking having an epic dinner.

And this couple comes in, and the wife is like looking for connection, you know, just like sitting there. and the husband is on his phone honestly here's i talk about men are more easily influenced and and more influential it's kind of like an effect it's like we're herd animals calm out you know i think like a little bit of accountability is you've done a great it's not fun One, you do that all the time with my scheduling thing. You know, Lord willing, I'll get better at that.

But you hold me accountable. I'm thankful. You're like a, you make me a better man. That's what that means. It's like, okay, I have immaturities and irresponsist. Like, I have a lot of faults. And you're like, hey, you're better than that, you know? I think you have to start with, like, one, you have to have mutual respect for each other.

to start small start with boundaries phones are addicting they truly are and start with a small boundary like I don't know again we don't know your lifestyles at home

what you can and cannot do but no phones in the bedroom or no phones at the dinner table or there's a two hour period of the day where phones have to be on the kitchen counter get an RO box

whatever but like start small and mutually agree on something and see if that unlocks you know more progress you can make but it is sad because it's like life will pass you by really quick and you can't get it back here's where i here's how i think accountability's done well and here has how it's done poorly it's done poorly when it's like get off your phone it's so annoying you're always on it right it's done well when it's hey I am so excited to spend tonight with you and I have an idea a game plan for how we can have the best night possible let's put our phones over here right it's like more looking towards the positive outcome that you want and not just like calling the other person out yeah so directly it's like a scenic

scenic route to that place last question on the really hard parenting days advice on how to care for your mental health uh this two shall pass tell you i mean it's a day get through the day and start fresh tomorrow i'm kind of into the stoic principles of negative visualization i talked about this before and everyone's like, no, don't negatively visualize. No. That's not the right way to view negative visualization. It's saying, oh, I don't have any food to eat tonight. Well, at least I have a water to drink, right?

It's like, it's imagining what would happen without that thing there. And I think that kind of helps. So it's like, oh, gosh, there's a hard parenting day. Well, at least I have a kid. Yeah. Right? and it's like it really helps you be grateful and that's a practice where it's like oh well at least i get to take uh full night's rest

or at least i get to watch the next episode don't do the opposite though where sometimes we do this where it's like all i wanted was a good night's sleep because then you're like idolizing that thing yeah it only works in the negative anyway those are our hot takes that's our advice i love you i love you baby that was fun we started real hot sorry for our tangent are we hitting a wall now it looks like you get some yons i got to get some food i yawn all day shan's going on a really fun birthday trip with some friends right now and by birthday trip i mean car ride around the city i'm excited to hear how that goes i'm excited too that's all we got if you made it this far and you haven't yet follow the show if you're

listen on podcasts, Apple Podcasts, Apple Podcasts, Spotify. Subscribe to it if you're watching on YouTube. We do do video and audio. Do do do. Do do. That's all we got. I'm Andrew. I'm Chuck.

We'll see you next time.