Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 22 Common Corona Conversations

Episode Date: May 20, 2020

This week, in episode 22 of Couple Things with Shawn + Andrew, we do a solo episode to talk about what's been going on lately. As much as we didn't want to contribute to the conversation, we knew that it was important to share our feelings on it all with you guys. How we've been dealing with it, how we've been able to support each other, and how we can keep our family safe. It's not an easy conversation, but again we knew that it was necessary to talk about at some point. We hope that in sharing this, it brings some level of comfort to you -- you are not alone in this! We will get through this. Together.  If you haven't yet, please rate and subscribe to the show to hear more! And if you have suggestions/recommendations for the show, send us your ideas in a video format - we might just choose yours! Email us at [e-mail].    We are supported by the following AMAZING companies! Make sure to check them out using our special code & link below!     Betterhelp! Our listeners get 10% off your first month at https://www.betterhelp.com/eastfam. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I think we just jump right into it. I don't think we do any intro, no music, no foo, foo, fru, fru. Really? We're just doing it. Andrew wants to talk about COVID. So we haven't spoken about it much. No. And that's on purpose because there's a lot of people talking about it.

But I wanted to have this conversation with you, my wife, because I have noticed, based off the sample size of my friend group, that a lot of couples. And based off the sample size of you and that. die. Yes. True. A lot of couples or even roommates are going through this weird transition phase as the official quarantine is kind of ending and things are opening back up where one person is a little more comfortable going out back into the world. You? Yes. And the other person is still a little hesitant. Me. Yeah. I like you right now. Really? Yeah. Do you not usually? I do No, you're just cute. It's a concerning thing to say.

So I just thought that we would kind of talk through this thing and how can we respect each other's preferences and what were each comfortable with? Always do what the wife says. Can I finish my thought? Yeah, sorry. How can I, as your husband, respect what you're comfortable with while at the same time doing things that I'm comfortable with and I'm ready to do? You know what I'm saying?

It's an interesting conundrum. And I thought that we would just explore this topic here in case. any of you are going through the same thing well and this is what and i have talked about which is really confusing because i feel like the hardest part about the quarantine and the pandemic and everything for me has been the uncertainty and i say that when i refer to like all of it I feel like there's so many differing opinions about how extreme and how dangerous and how contagious and who's at risk and who's not at risk and how long is the quarantine going to last. How, you know, can you see your parents who have been quarantined themselves? Can you get it through talking?

Like there's so much uncertainty. And for me, at the beginning of the quarantine, quarantine. I had friends that I know very well who work in the military and work closely with the government who were warning us about this back in January saying. Not that early. Back in like the first couple of days of March. Okay. Sorry to shut you down. It was in February for sure. Maybe not January. That was an exaggeration. It was definitely in February. But they were warning us of this and I remember back then thinking like there's no way this could be real but then also being like babe maybe we should go stock up on groceries before they shut down maybe we should get some

face masks like they're saying and understandably so you are always like no it's fine we're fine which I have to say as a wife is so comforting to have that other person to be like bib, it's okay. Even if it wasn't, there's still something comforting about it. But I say that because going into quarantine, I hit a low and we can talk about this, but I almost got depressed because I was so anxious and so nervous about keeping my family safe, keeping Drew safe and myself since I have asthma and you and just everything. I didn't like the uncertain. of all of it drove me crazy. So now that we're transitioning back into quote unquote normal life, I'm so anxious.

And there's been all these fears that have just been pounded into us as a society for the past eight weeks. You're still affected by those like worst case scenarios. Is that what you're saying? Absolutely. And I think for any moms out there or anybody like it just the ripple effect of this in my mom heart and mind is like uncontrolled i'm like wow okay i need to continue trying to breastfeed her longer than i planned on because i want her to have the antibodies and want her to be right

protected better and even though my milk supply is dropping like what can i do now to like extend that and we shouldn't go on vacation and we shouldn't celebrate her one year old birthday party and it's like all these different it's just ripple effects how do you get out get out over that So you and I have had some of the larger conflicts, not in a bad, negative or aggressive way of our relationship, though, because the fear that we have been, I'm not saying it's misplaced either. Like it's a bad disease, clearly. But you're still in the place now as Nashville is in phase one of reopening and there's restaurants that are allowed to open at certain capacity. and like barber shops massage parlors gyms these are all parts of our daily life that we haven't had for the past eight weeks and I am expressing hey Sean I'm going to go to the gym what is what are your thoughts when I say something well to give an example we went to the lake yesterday and we actually ate at our first restaurant since February and what an experience that was so

we followed, you know, the tape that pointed you in a one way direction and we wound around the line and stayed six feet apart, got up to the waitress. They took our temperature. She was wearing a mask. They sought us at a table that was at least six feet apart from another table. We were the first people to sit down. They took our temperature with like this little, the gun thermometer where they pointed at your forehead and it spits out of temperature immediately, which was nuts. It's like, this is a restaurant. It's not a freaking hospital. But I, I think all this because we sat down and we were it was it was perfectly to the parameters that the government has told us is safe right and we are the first people sit down and we are sitting there for 20 minutes

and it hits like rush hour lunchtime and more and more people start to filter in the table start to fill up and I I like felt anxiety crushing my soul I was like it's time to go don't touch anything don't talk to anyone especially when you got Drew sitting there just throwing toys left and right all over the place now she would throw a toy on the ground I'm like oh it's a goner and I kick it burn it I just like how how do you balance that well and this is another interesting thing that we need to keep in mind people are listening to this all over the country and in California they're going to be in quarantine stay at home until August longer than we are now so I'm sure we have people listening who maybe some of them are in like Iowa which I don't think was ever under stay at home

it was never at stay at home and so they're like oh wow Sean and Andrew are like super uptight and worried about this but then you have some people in California who are like how could they be so lax and how are they going out to eat and like how reckless of them but it's so it's like such an what a weird thing to navigate and to try I don't know if we're like getting to a point for you guys we're just talking around it to give you an example of how confused using this has been for us as a married couple, I am naturally more anxious, I mean, to begin with. I wouldn't say always though, babe.

Not always. Not in a, I don't mean it in a bad way. I don't mean it in a bad way. I mean it in a sense of like, I just have a brain and I'm wired in the sense of I run through every hypothetical situation you could possibly imagine. I have thought about someone breaking into our home. I have thought about a robbery. I have thought about a tented kidnap, like all these morbid things.

That's a, by the way, another side issue that we should talk about where I, those things are like something that I'm oblivious to. Yeah. And me as a protector, having to have learned that for you. Yeah. Anyway, go ahead. But, so I just naturally think that way. Add a global pandemic into that and my brain moves very fast.

And with Andrew, you beautifully just don't think that way. you're just you're more optimistic and it's a beautiful thing but a lot of our arguments in not in like a bad way just like difference of opinions as it pertains to the global pandemic and the quarantine has raised an argument in like a situation that has never come about before and it wasn't an argument out of I think you're wrong and I think you're right it was an argument out of fear because I couldn't argue to Andrew I think you're wrong because I don't know I would argue with you out of fear of like but what if something bad happens what if I go to the grocery store or you go to the grocery store and I get COVID-19 and I die like right for you

it was an issue of, hey, if Andrew's going to the gym, you really viewed that to some extent as me putting our family at risk. Yeah, I did. You said multiple times, like, what it? Reading, playing, learning. Stellist lenses do more than

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next visit. If you get it there at the gym and then Drew gets it and then I get it and we don't know until two weeks in and it's it's too late. So like it was it was this like you and your maternal instincts saying why would you even take that risk at all? Well it was also a fear of It is. We shouldn't use pass. No, it is. It's also a fear of like natural, just like human emotion of what if she gets sick? What if you went to the gym? Would I blame you?

Not that you should ever place blame, but it's like that fear and that argument that we get, those arguments that we get in. I'm trying to protect all of us from any of those what I've said. situations, which I also believe is a terrible way to live. You should not live in a what if life because you'll never live. You'll never be able to breathe and just enjoy anything. So like, again, I don't think there's a moral to this for you guys. No, well, I wanted to share how we've kind of navigated this because we have talked about like a lag period of hey, the law says restaurants going to open up May 1st, but what if we're like four weeks behind that and then are you

comfortable with that but I should say my perspective even and my I wouldn't say like a lackadaisical approach to this or or like careless but it's it's definitely less anxious than your perspective is changed yesterday when my brother shared that he has coronavirus and so and we are supposed to please pray for him but well it changed because immediately We had plans for Memorial Weekend. Again, we're in the phase of coming out of this within Nashville. We are going to spend Memorial Weekend with our family who has been quarantined for the past three months. But found out yesterday that one of your brothers has it and we're like absolutely not.

Right. Which I think that's a good risk aversion on our part. Yeah. Because I don't mean to laugh. I'm sorry. I think that's a beautiful perspective for you to have. Yeah. So let's clean up our organizational thoughts just a little bit and just go back to what is the best way that I can respect you. Say, hey, I want to go out to lunch or dinner with a friend at a restaurant that's open.

What are the thoughts that go through your mind? So the thoughts that go through my mind are, I mean, A, point blank, I'm not comfortable with that yet. I'm not comfortable going into a public setting. Which might seem silly because you're probably putting yourself just as at risk as you were going to the grocery store. Right, which is my argument. But I do think, I do think we've been doing a really good job and you've been doing a really good job at compromising because when the phase one did start and restaurants started opening and they're at half capacity and they're being clean and sanitized, you're like, babe, for date night this week, let's go to bar taco. And I was like, you know, I don't really feel comfortable. And then I was like, what if we had a couple friends over, like a couple.

And we did a date night where we grilled out, which is still within the phase one. And I think it's just this open conversation of compromise. What are you comfortable with? How are we going to ease into it? How are we going to start gaining trust again? And it worked. But again, that couple has been quarantined for three months. They're healthy.

they didn't touch anything they sanitized and they walk in the door on the strategy of us lagging behind what the law allows for it's an interesting thing to wrap your mind around because like so say say may first is when Nashville allows restaurants to open back up and we're like okay well let's just set a four week window where you know on june 1st is when we'll go you that's four weeks after May 1st like we'll go eat at restaurants a month after that it's like this arbitrary it's not there's no logic behind that necessarily right but no it's it's a hundred percent nonsensical but it's it's me trying to come up with a compromise and give you room to like digest all of the things that have happened the past eight weeks absolutely which I don't know what the what is the washout period

going to be for like the terror of shaking someone's hand or bumping you know what I'm saying I think that right there is how you sum up how you support your significant other how you support your parents your friends you go about following the guidelines 100 I mean 100% that's what I believe you do everything that they're recommending wash your hands wear your face masks do everything yes but you support each other by okay you don't feel comfortable let's set let's set a timer is it four months is it four weeks is it four days when we hit that timer let's go to the grocery store let's go to the the restaurant let's do something outside of your comfort zone that this pandemic took away from you because I truly believe we have all endured a trauma like the the entire

world that has taken trust away from us and we're going to have to push one another and hold hand like figuratively speaking hold each other's hand to like ease our trust back into the world because we're all scared holding hands figuratively yes that's funny yes um I do think that as cliche as it sounds as in all things relationship whether it's romantic or not the communication is key and you know we value being super honest and that's what I'm very thankful for on your end is you expressing since you are the person who's more reserved you expressing those reservations because it would be a way worse situation if I was going out to lunch every day with new friends and you were living in this

you were like terrified of me because you you thought I was just this German-infested being now. So I think that is one takeaway that's valuable is just however you're feeling, whether you're more comfortable like I am or more reserved like Sean, just communicate that and make sure your partner knows the stance. Because it's after you are open and honest, that's the only way that the other person can learn the boundaries that you're comfortable with and navigate around those.

You know what I'm saying? But then the second part of that is after you understand where your partner is coming from, it is such a core issue, health, and death. And it's like this ingrained, embedded fear that affects humans in a different way than like anything else, really. that once you know what your partner's comfortable or not comfortable with respect that and figure out a way that you can compromise communicate a way so for sean and i it is this lag time it's figuring out ways to be creative while still in some ways getting that social itch scratched that you know has been lingering for the past eight weeks and i feel like we're all ready for that

but in a way that's not like hey you know let's have a quarantine ended party and we're inviting a hundred of our closest friends like that's clearly would be blatantly disrespecting you so those are those are two things that I've learned personally I don't know if am I overlooking anything no I think I think communication I think acknowledging I was talking to Jana Kramer the other day about this just because she has a lot of the same feelings I do just as a mom of the anxiety that has come with everything going on and we are just saying that you have to acknowledge the fact even if you're at home even if you're unaffected you know health wise by the pandemic you're still watching the news right you're still mentally affected by

the traumatic pandemic that is happening and even if you think you're unaffected you are affected subconsciously just you're a little more cautious you're a little more fearful and I think if you're just aware of that and you work on it we can kind of get through the transition a little bit better and you know I mean God forbid nothing another wave doesn't come you know whatever but hopefully just through all of this you can find an outlet to not be so fearful yeah there's been a lot of sacrifices made on a lot of people's parts and I think it would be, you know, unfair to say that quarantine has been absolutely brutal on us. I think in all honesty, we've had it pretty easy and we're fortunate for that.

There's a lot of people that have had it worse than us. My brother catching the virus is a humbling experience. And I mean, even the way I talk about it, you can kind of probably get the sense that I probably don't, view the pandemic as seriously as maybe I should because in my mind it's like oh he has it but he'll he'll recover from it'll be fine right that's just my automatic assumption but I'm more and more understanding that not everybody has that I mean the other interesting thing about this is how aggressive people we have a neighbor who got yelled at at a nail salon the other day because whatever she wasn't wearing gloves or something and it's like people are are ferociously they're

nervous yeah yeah well and i think that was that's also been a big fear of ours as well is you know disease aside or virus aside how are people going to react out of fear are people going to act irrationally and you know people do dumb things when they're afraid yeah and if we don't control the fear i mean it makes it worse and yeah so i guess takeaways if there are any would be as you move forward making decisions one just keep in mind that we're big fans of following the law so that is the foundation yeah and then i would say any other The restrictions above that are restrictions that you and your partner, you and your roommate, whoever you're doing this quarantine with, have come up together and respects both parties.

So whether that's me having to take a shower when I get back home or having to like Kleenex, what do you call it, sanitize like handles and steering wheels and everything. Yes. After I go out, like I wouldn't do that. if it wasn't for your asking me to. So that would be the second level of that. And then I think, you know, we're all trying to figure this out as we go along. So we'd love to hear how you are approaching this, what struggles you have had in thinking about moving back into the real world, the quote unquote normal world, the new normal as we know it.

and that's that's the conversation we wanted to share today sorry we had to be a downer and contribute to the coronavirus conversation we tried not to but I felt like it was important enough to kind of do this live so thank you thank you yeah and if you guys would keep my brother and your thoughts and prayers that'd be appreciated but that's all we got that is uh let us know your thoughts and we will see you next week that's the east fam out