Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 232 | answering vulnerable questions

Episode Date: October 9, 2024

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When you're with Amex Platinum, you get access to exclusive dining experiences and an annual travel credit. So the best tapas in town might be in a new town altogether. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Terms and conditions apply. Learn more at Amex.ca. What's up, everybody? Welcome back to a couple things.

With Sean and Andrew now. It's good to be back. It's a consistent theme. Every time we've ever done a live stream, there has been technical difficulties, and I'm glad that the problem isn't just me. Maybe while I'm smirking. You looked adorable.

Also, I don't know what you got going on, but your fashion game is like next level all of a sudden. What's the deal with that? Try and take it up a notch, baby. When did this start? What inspired it? Because it's like, here I am, Joe Shmo, Schmo. Just wearing, I don't even think these things are supposed to be worn with nothing underneath, but I wear it with nothing underneath.

But you did. The thing is, my women's group. It's a challenge we all had to each other. Really? Yeah. That's what started. Is that right? It's what started it.

Why are you smirking now? Because I'm just succeeding. You're doing a good job. Thanks. Yeah. Thanks. Oh, I don't have a great little stretch here. Oh my gosh.

We went to a cousin's wedding. It was a blast. And indie. Oh, my gosh. That was the most fun, like, at a wedding dance party on the dance floor I've had with you in a long time. Same. Because you've been pregnant every other time.

For, like, four years. Yeah. And this was a lot of fun, especially with family. I felt like we could just be with. We've got a freaking great family. You kidding me? My cousins. Great family.

It was fantastic. And I'm really happy you had so much fun on Montana. I'm glad that the crazy part of our year is over, I think. Yeah, now we go to the holidays. Oh, yeah. Well, it's great. The travel craziness has subsided. We're taking one more trip to Tijuana.

Yes. And then the holiday craziness will begin. anyway today we're going to do an ask me anything part two it's an extension because we asked you guys to ask questions that we're going to answer for my solo show but you know what you did you asked questions to andrew which was really funny thank you so we're going to answer all those for you is that what these are these are like curated from so you post on instagram people ask questions yes and then here we are shout out to jenny for making this episode happen shout out to you all for submitting the questions and we yeah we just really appreciate the people that chose to spend time participating in this. If you're not following along,

follow Sean and Andrew Pods. That is so long on Instagram and subscribe to our newsletter. Our newsletter has basically everything that's going on in our life that we haven't already told you about on socials. But it also has like discounts, giveaways, a bunch of things that we

don't have room for everywhere else. We've been making content, as they say, for nine years. It's a long time. It's ebbed and full. we were heavy on the YouTube for a while been heavy on short form for a while newsletter is what we're really excited about it's like a just a it's a different way to interact it feels like yeah and you gave a shout out on the newsletter last week and

there's a bunch of people in the comments that we're excited about it so anyway keep an eye out it comes out every week are you ready for these hard-hitting questions let's get into them okay babe ready how do we manage the overstimulation of having little ones I have only too and I struggle with this in Montana last week I had the opportunity there was people there men in their teens 20s 30s 40s 50s 60s and 70s wow it was really fascinating to see the range of ages and I was uh our fishing guide we were out there fishing which I do not classify myself as a fisher though I did enjoy it he was 19 and he was talking about how busy his life is you know yeah and how you know I feel like a little overwhelming

which this question was about overstimulation specifically, but I was like, what capacity do you think you're operating at? Not trying to belittle, whatever. I was just curious, that feeling of a young kid. He was like, I think I'm at like 90% capacity. I'm almost full throttle. And it just, you know, now we have three kids. Yeah.

You age. You have more responsibilities thrown at you. It's funny to look back and think about just the process of learning to deal with whatever and it happens one day at a time so yeah uh one kid was over no kids was overwhelming kind of you know one kid was overwhelming two kids felt overwhelming and uh three i think it's just that overwhelmed feeling is just subsiding for us yeah and now we're like oh i think we were able to handle it so now it's time to add something else on our plate just to we got to keep that feeling i need to get a dog going Sean asked me what i love Nash and

That'll probably happen at some point, to be honest. We need another dog. What's your take? I would say over-stimulation. I feel like Andrew and I try to tap each other out when it gets to be like, I need a moment to like calm down or destimulate. Yeah, just trying to find outlets. Yeah, you answer that question way better than I did.

We try to say, hey, why don't you take five minutes? Yeah. Go lock yourself in a dark, quiet room. tend to work it works just you gotta take a breath every once in a while all right number two what's a quality you wish you had whoa i like the question i wish i was a planner i have a friend shout out walker who is like an amazing planner and he'll he'll like pull out his calendar and he'll say hey are you free six months from now on a tuesday and i'm like this amazing and you appreciate that type of And I don't have an ounce of that in me, which is also fine.

It's fine. You know, the spontaneity is a quality. Some people wish they had. I just over an index. What's equality you wish you had? I wish I could be as like, not a people pleaser. I don't know how to say that. I was going to say free as you are.

Like I think so much about what other people think. Sometimes I wish I could turn that off. Yeah. Well, you know what to say? Ignorance is bliss. And I got plenty of both. All right. That's not what I meant.

Okay. How have we started introducing faith to our kids? This episode is brought to you by Defender. With its 626 horsepower twin turrets. V8 engine, the Defender Octa is taking on the Dakar Rally, the ultimate off-road challenge. Learn more

at landrover.ca. We told you about Minow on Instagram. It's like a platform with videos that are curated with that worldview. We also send them to a faith-based preschool. We also, in our

personal habits, like we read daily devotions every day that's like not necessarily explicit pray before every meal yeah i think we're more at this point trying to show them certain cadences that we have and establish certain cadences as a family just so they know that that's like a part of the habits that we have um and so far it's worked it's fun like they they now have swapped out the prayer that we had recommended essentially for their own that they learned at school and so now we like

we try to keep it fun for them try to have them have a say in it but right now I think it's just like showing them that there is a cadence and there is a thoughtfulness behind it I'd also say two things I feel like around the two and a half three year old mark when it comes to sleeping

you start to see developmentally kids get fears fears of the dark fears of monsters fears of it's just normal for their development I have used that as a really good place to introduce faith to my kids to like put their fear in a manageable place that God can fix if that makes sense so like at night I'll tell them these elaborate stories of like the armor that God has put around their room or around them or you know I've had a lot of people say like nightmares or monsters you can get a spray bottle and put glitter in it and it's like spray dust well and Instead of doing that technique, I use, like, the God story technique. Yeah. We take them to church every Sunday, and we've done a good job. We'll actually plan our travel around Sundays.

We try to do that intentionally. It feels like nothing spectacular or extraordinary as far as how we're introducing faith to them, but it's kind of constant. Lifestyle. Like the intensity is mellow, but the consistency is constant. Anyway. my favorite question Drew's been learning a lot

like in her children's Bible and Bible school at or Sunday school and then at school and I always wear that like cross that you got me and I don't know if I told you this she asked me if that that was the cross

that Jesus died on Wow I had a little more bling than Jesus a little more bling and she's like my mama is that the cross and I was like this one Like, is that, she was specific?

Like, is that it? And I was like, no. That's funny. The books they read, recommend Laugh and Grow Bible is a great one, or she's a storybook Bible. Yeah. Anyway, so, yeah, we read a bunch of good books like that. Next up.

What is our favorite part about the season we're currently in? Gosh, the kids are just freaking amazing. Drew, the last two weeks since she took her to L.A. has been a different girl. I also think it's her age and pre-K. Her teacher is like, it's a full, whole circle thing developmentally. Her teacher brought out a new side of her. It's amazing.

Jet, this morning, we were walking down the stairs, and he hasn't done this since he was one and a half. But he's like, Dad, can I hold your hand? That made my day. That's been the best part of my day so far. And then Bear, that freaking guy, like, he has this bashful. He'll, like, look at you and smile, and then he'll, like, curl up. And it's kind of like, he's being. silly and playful. His personality

is starting to distinctly show itself and it's amazing. I also think you and I, we just struggle historically as I look at the last three kids, the first six months after pregnancy. It's like we're just doing the thing

and there's a lot of tasks and we lose the joy and we're coming out of that season. The joy is coming back. We've been giggling a lot. The freaking dance floor at the wedding. It's great and we have good friends that have now moved back to town which is fantastic to have that community and life is good life is good we don't know what's next we don't know what's

going to happen next but we we can know that it's going to be good you know next what's something we would never guess about you guys hmm do you want to do one for me and I do one for you Sure. Huh. This is a tough question. I feel like I have one around your... It was part of a conversation I had last night. Long, full story.

But the thing that something nobody would ever guess is the amount of times I get stopped on a daily basis or weekly basis. basis or monthly basis and people are like how do you come up with all this brilliant stuff that you post on social media and online and like the couple's challenges and everything and I just giggle to myself and I tell them I'm like I didn't come up with any of it it's literally the most creative mind in the world which is my husband thank you it's really fun I guess I was going to do one that was probably a little more uh just go for it but but Sean is the most accomplished freaking person oh stop yeah this turned into like a I pack your back you pat mine so we're gonna freaking do it now all right you're the you're the most accomplished person I think I've ever met legitimately in so many different fields you freaking dominated the athletic world you dominated the TV thing you're

dominating this world you dominate them like you just crush life but you do it I think this comes across in the videos we make, but you do it so humbly. And you're like, it's just crazy. I would not have that humility if I were as talented in life as you were. But my strategy, not to you ask, is underachieve overconfidence. And it's fair. I like my, I like my style. That's not your, oh my gosh. Next up. Next up. All right, what's, oh, how do you guys deal with resentment in your marriage if it ever creeps in deep? Massive forgiveness. I think that's where we lean into our faith.

Yeah. Resentment leads nowhere good in marriage. Nowhere. And if you ever start feeling that, that's when you need to, like, look at yourself. and be like, okay, this is on me to fix in my heart. That's interesting, because I don't want to say bottle it up, but I definitely feel like it should not be shared because that type of stuff will eke and emanate.

If you share it with your best friend who's a yes man, and you're like, oh my gosh, Sean did this, and they'll be like, I can't believe she did that. And then it grows. Resentment is deeper than that. It'll fricking, like, it'll latch on. So I think it's, let's not bottle it up, but it's like, it is like, you better weed out. You better be freaking searching for the truth and whatever, and then you better share that with grace.

So it's like you're not, I don't feel like you're holding up your end of the stick in whatever way. It's like weed out any of the feelings of resentment. It's like that's the style in which feedback is delivered and you should swap out the. style of resentment for the style of teamwork and say in order for us to be the best i i need to see this from you i agree but i also don't agree interesting sorry to challenge you no let's dig in bottling it up means it's still there it's not a dress this is what i said i said i said weed out all that feelings of resentment so that you can share in a healthy way but i also think in a marriage specifically, resentment is solely on you.

That is emotions and issues you have not dealt with in your heart. And I think that's, if you're talking in a marriage, hypothetically speaking, say there's issues that have happened, you guys have addressed them, you said sorry, you've moved on, but you still are like harboring resentment, that means you're not honest in your forgiveness. It means your forgiveness was like false. Because if you truly forgave your spouse, you would learn how to forgive and forget and move forward. Resetment is harboring issues. Dang, you're like freaking slinging it today.

Why, I'm only thinking about this because I had to have this conversation with Drew yesterday. How something had happened last night where Jet tipped over her tower in... Tim's new scrambled egg loaded croissant. Or is it croissant? No matter how you say it. with freshly cracked scrambled eggs loaded on a buttery flaky croissant try it with maple brown butter today at timbs at participating restaurants in canada for limited time she got really sad and they kind of worked it through and she said i forget like jet said i'm sorry and she's like i forgive you and she just kept bringing

it up 10 minutes would go by 10 minutes would go by and she'd say i can't believe you did that why'd you do that which was really interesting and i was like drew if you forgave him you forgave him but if you bring it up you didn't forgive him. Lessons from parenting. That's really good. I appreciate that. What's the worst pain you've both ever been in? I like this question.

I'm kind of a meathead myself. I think about, there's just been so much pain. I kind of like it, you know? Like, I think the 2K row I just did last week, got six minutes, 31 seconds, which is freaking just annoys me. just broken six minutes and 30 seconds like a champ but the pain that you feel oh I read

this about the Olympics the 400-yard dash they broke it down into four phases the last phase they describe as the the negotiation and the internal debate of the athlete to strive for the accomplishment or tap out because of the desire to ease the pain i like that so that's why i like to work out kind of interesting so your biggest pain has been in working no i'm just i'm just going through lists i almost died at the grand canyon when we hike that down and up in one day in like six hours in the heat of the day would not recommend that was uh i think nearly a heat stroke what have we Been through pain together? Like physical?

I mean, I gave birth three times. Oh, okay. Well, next question. You take the cake there. Thank you. All right. What's one of your favorite moments in your marriage?

That one. You know, it's interesting, though, that can I go back real quick? You interpreted that as physical pain. my immediate response was dad that was the first thing that came to mind was losing your dad yeah I don't

I don't view that necessarily as like pain that's not the word I put on there we did a whole up I lost my dad like 18 months ago if you haven't been around here that long did a whole episode on the grief process

you should listen to it um yeah The emotional pain doesn't really Yeah, no, there's been moments on our marriage We've deeply hurt each other Yeah I feel that more is like a struggle though

Yeah Anyway Okay What's one of your favorite moments in your marriage So many Gosh, marriage is really freaking fun to be honest Dude, we've had 13 years of just stacking memories. I was scrolling through, what?

No, I just love you so much. It's been a good ride so far. We got some history together, dude. We do. Oh, freak. I mean, I think about our first date. I was looking at you the other day, and I was remembering, like, looking at you that first weekend we spent together.

It was, like, really special. Gosh. Our wedding day, every time we've given birth to a chance. child um watching i mean there's like a million little moments too which is what is cool about marriage it's like this morning you're kicking with all the kids that's amazing and we were last night just talking about what the frick how do we get what happened we're literally sitting in the playroom and looking at all of our three kids playing and i was like how did this happen

we have three children we have three kids you guys just stack the days though it's fun how about this One of my favorite moments that I'll never forget. And it had nothing to do with the NFL. Let me say that to lead. But watching you play your first in-season game for the NFL was such a special moment as a wife. Like knowing everything you went to get there or went through to get there emotionally, physically. Knowing what it meant to you and what it didn't. mean to you in like a weird way was so special knowing like what i had gone through in my career

and then being able to like sit there as nothing more than like your wife and your number one cheerleader yeah it was like a special moment the the race car race that we did together that was a fun moment oh my gosh i was just looking at pictures of vegas the other day yeah gosh we just good job good job baby camping oh my gosh the road trip one

oh freaking sweet what are a few traits your kids got from each of you Drew has an amazing focus which I think is maybe from both of us I think we both have

a really deep capacity for focus Jet has and Drew's meticulous like me yeah i don't have that jet has your zest of life but your physical build

that boy i remember shan i remember when i first like hugged you i never felt it's like it's like skin just layered on top of muscle it's like a thick muscle i don't know how to describe it other than that jett has that same thing if you touch me it's like

squishy i don't know it's just like the normal human sean is just muscle Jet is a brick. Like, it doesn't make, it actually doesn't make sense. Like, you look at him and you're like, he's like a big kid, strong kid, but you like go to pick that kid up and he's... Jeez. He is a brick.

In the most cool way. But, yeah, Jet has Andrews, like, zest and, like, energy and passion and childlike, just soul to him. probably similar like social habits too to me but he also has like your kind like you're such your gentleness where he looks everybody directly in the eye at just turning three and he's like my name is jet what is your name like he he can make everyone feel seen i love that kid bear bear is like uh i think he's going to have your mischievousness yeah uh i think he has my eye contact yes He is my, probably most of my build of any of our kids. Yeah.

Long and lanky. Not that I'm lanky. I'm more on the husky side for sure. But, yeah, TBD on him. He's a freaking great smile, which is, oh, his giggle is, I'm just saying it's like yours because it's my favorite thing. Both of those giggles. I will also say Drew has my initial skepticism.

Like you've got to work for it. You have to work to earn her, not trust, but like to get to see her. But then once you earn that, you've got it. And she might look like me most in the face. All right. How do you guys find time to slow down with all you have going on? We've gotten better at this. We have.

Part of it is doing less and having less going on. Like the beginning of this year, we pruned a lot. We read a book called Necessary Endings by Henry Cloud, who we're actually going to have on... Highly recommend you read it. Yeah, we're going to have him and his wife on our interview show, a second cut. And we just said, let's...

What are the thing... There's a thing called the Paredes Principle. 80, 20, right? 20% of your activities reap 80% of the benefits. 80% of your activities only have 20%. So how can we just focus on, in this phase of life with young kids that we want to spend a lot of time with,

maximizing and honing in on that 20% that has 80% of the rewards. So that's been a really interesting exercise. And then, yeah, we also spend quite a lot of time of looking at support groups around us. Like, how can we have a team help us achieve our mission? And I think business, volunteering, living in the neighborhood house whatever the whole purpose of it it's like it's a wonderful canvas

to build relationships through and so it's not a game of how can we accumulate as much as possible or or like achieve our odd goals solo it's like no let's um let's build relationships include other people in this and whatever it looks like you do a great job with that with hospitality uh so it's like we We spend a lot of time on the people around us, too. I think you said it perfectly. We have 15 minutes and 15 questions. Maybe we could do a live stream with another one of these. We could.

I'm just saying I think we can rapid fire some of these. Wait, how do you slow down? No, you got to answer that. I like the back and forth. I love your perspective. Okay. How do we slow down? I think we do a really good job every Sunday

of reflecting on how the week went and how the week is about to go and we try to schedule in intentionality and time we will look at a day and be like dang that's too much or like because we have a day that we cannot weed out any more things like it is just going to be jam packed let's make sure the week around it can help rebalance those scales so that we have enough time with each other and we have enough time with our kids and we also do the same exact thing for our children we look at what they're doing and how they're acting and how they're feeling even with school and like preschool and stuff every week we will have a day we're like you know what it's been too much for them and they don't need to go to preschool

for the rest of the week or let's actually like go do a family activity let's take off work if we can like we're constantly trying to analyze where we're at i like that a lot i think one thing we have gotten much better at is uh setting expectations so that because if you know like hey this is what we have going on every day yeah this week it feels way less rushed yeah because you're you're like primed for it right i also think um we have implemented like a day of rest and we've done a much better job at that so we really roll into the other six days uh with more juice that's a concept that's ancient wisdom also there's all these people doing like digital sabbaths you look at like silicon valley gurus they're all doing like digital sabbath so the idea of resting from something

has helped us and then i also do want to delineate um because we do say pretty busy We read a book called Intentional, sorry, The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer. And I adhere to that as much as I can. I do want to differentiate between busyness and filling your schedule with things that you love. And I think we have moved from the hectic craziness of like stumbling into one thing and saying yes to this, spontaneously.

I'm done less of that. And more of like... You've done a great job. we have pretty rigid blocks of because of child care too that hey we can only get out of the house and and like be away from the kids in this window let's fill it with things we want to that's not that's not busyness and also sean is just pretty ruthless when it comes to like you speak your mind like this too much and we'll next it we've had so many arguments about that so but good yeah because we're trying to maintain a balance those are my thoughts what's your favorite thing to do for yourself how do you fill your cup oh this actually plays into the the day of rest do you and read your stuff i don't i can just list it off Sean and I sat back and we wrote a list of the things we most love doing I would recommend you do that too yeah uh I would say my women's group I absolutely

love I like working out I like going outside for bike rides like hanging with our kids going to a new restaurant having a cup of coffee by the fire um reading a book yeah what about you reconnecting with the people I'm close with you that's why I love date night the conversations we have friends whatever competing in anything I love um learning meeting new people, e-bikes, starting fires. I love live theater. I can go on.

Starting fires. Make a list of the things you most love doing. Starting fires. I like that process. I love cooking. It just like sounds. Arsenic? Yeah.

I just love starting fires. I love cooking. Let's do one more. And then how about this? We'll do a live stream, answer these remaining questions, and more. Great. I love you. doing these with you though i love doing these with you too baby last one which one do you

ask uh how do you keep the flirty side of your relationship alive with three kids i actually had this thought the other day because i feel like you and i are unique in this sense just when i'm looking at other couples and as they progress in life with like kids we just have never stopped playing with each other and I mean what and I mean that in the sense of like we joke around and we're not afraid to like be flirting in public and like holding hands and being silly like we we have a sense of playfulness that we have never let go of when we're at our best I agree we've definitely had like the couple months after a baby not that playful for sure that is we did this whole family values exercise I think we have something we could share about that but one of the

values was playfulness for our family and I agree yeah we're pretty sarcastic which is good most of the time um we're back in the phase where it's good yeah but it can hurt it can be really bad probably uh yeah yeah how do we be flirty I don't know I just freaking love your booty so like i just love you i'll freaking tap that whenever you mean you know what i'm okay like wow should we close there is that is that how we're going to end this we started off today with touring potential schools for our kids and hope they don't listen to this um thank you for watching uh sorry for the ridiculousness we do love doing these and having you guys around uh sharing comments, feedback. It really feels like we're just a big group of friends.

Thankful for the community. Yes. And if you haven't yet subscribe, comment, what you thought was the most ridiculous answer we gave. And we'll keep answering these probably in the live stream. So keep it out for that. But that's all we got. Thanks for tuning in. I'm Andrew. I'm John. We're East Fam. Out.