Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 233 | red, beige, and green flags in relationships

Episode Date: October 16, 2024

Today we dove into Red, Beige and Green “Flags” in a relationship! We talked about our personal “flags” and what we think you should look out for when dating someone and then went through a list of “flags” you all sent in and wow, there were some funny ones haha Have you ever ended a relationship because of glaring red flags? Let us know in the comments!  Love you guys! Shawn & Andrew Listen to our “Worst Dates” Episode ▶ https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/reacting-to-your-worst-date-stories-of-all-time/id1485740243?i=1000664610493 Follow our podcast Instagram ▶ https://www.instagram.com/shawnandandrewpods/ Subscribe to our newsletter ▶ https://www.familymade.com/newsletter Follow My Instagram ▶ https://www.instagram.com/ShawnJohnson Follow My Tik Tok ▶ https://www.tiktok.com/@shawnjohnson Shop My LTK Page ▶ https://www.shopltk.com/explore/shawnjohnson  Like the Facebook page! ▶ https://www.facebook.com/ShawnJohnson Follow Andrew’s Instagram ▶ https://www.instagram.com/AndrewDEast Andrew’s Tik Tok ▶ https://www.tiktok.com/@andrewdeast?lang=en Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Defender. With a towing capacity of 3,500 kilograms and a waiting depth of 900 millimeters, the Defender 110 pushes what's possible. Learn more at landrover.ca. What's up, everybody? Welcome back to a couple things. With Sean and Andrew. Podcast all about couples.

And the things they go through. Today we are doing a red flags, beige flags, Green Flags episode. Yes. We're going to be talking about what do those even mean? We're going to be breaking down different attitudes

and behaviors that fall into each of those categories. And then we're going to be going into stories. I feel like it's really hard to say this to like bear with me. But I feel like we're going to maybe shed some wisdom.

We, us? I think maybe. Being eight years into marriage, this is more so for like the single dating engaged group. Okay. and I feel like now that I'm out of that phase and we've been doing this for a decent amount of time

I can more easily look back and be like bra maybe I thought that was a green flag or like a beige flag but like that's a glaring red flag I'm gonna push back on you on a couple things one I don't think we have any wisdom to share that's good that's good but too I it'll be interesting and this is in development so I'll readdress at the end of the episode but I think it's so contextual and dating is just like this weird thing

where is it like a hard red flag or a green flag we shall see we're gonna dive like me texting you in the middle of the night slightly tipsy was probably red flag this is what I'm saying but it's like but it could all be the green flag because it's all kind of about that little magic spark and if it's there then it could be a green flag

so you're saying is this episode worth listening to yeah let's let's let's see Let's see. I'm not sure. We have all of these stories that we're going to share. Very excited. If this is your first time, I'm still learning how to talk, so I'm going to stumble over some words.

My name is Andrew, and I totally outkicked my coverage with Sean. Oh, babe. And we've been doing this episode. No, I outkicked my coverage. Thank you. Your emotion. Your catch. This feels cheesy right now.

It is. Let's carry on. Wait, can I say something, though? Sure. We've been doing this podcast for five years. That's crazy. Five. Crazy.

I am not going to lie. Completely forgot what I was going to say. Welcome to our podcast. All right. We want to tackle this red flags, beige flags, green flags episode because all of these things can be present in a relationship. Maybe you're dating. Maybe you're in a serious relationship. And maybe this episode is helpful in having you step back

and evaluate how the relationship is going, which I think is a good thing to do. Sean, I love reflecting on how we're doing. She loves reflecting on how I'm doing often. I remembered. Okay, hit me. Okay, this is, I'm just reflecting. Okay.

You tend to blur your words together. You're talking about how you were just learning to talk. Yeah. But I had this theory on, Andrew. Every single day and every single night, Andrew listens to podcasts or books in the audio version, but you listen to it at three times speed. You think it's because I input information so quickly that you feel like you have to output information so quickly. This is the first time I've heard this theory. It is a theory that I've had, I've thought of before. I'm like,

I think you're trying to speak in the cadence that you listen to. Here's how I speak. I think I have decent thoughts, and I just can't find the words. Is your brain just moving that fast? No, I'm not saying I have, like, a unique brain. I just think my brain works better than my mouth, you know. Okay.

It's all on relative scale. Let's start with personal experience. Sure. Okay. Have you, Andrew, ever dated someone with glaring red flags? If so, what were they? Yeah, definitively, yes. I dated a girl at some ambiguous point in my life.

I'll leave the details wide open just to... Wide open. Just for the benefit of the girl. Yes. Who had this ex-boyfriend that was like, it was just like this weird relationship that he was calling me about... Anyway, we went on two dates and I was like, Hey, this is a weird situation.

I don't want anything up. Her ex-boyfriend was calling you? Yeah. Yeah. How did he have your number? We knew each other, went to school together. Okay. But it was a weird situation, I was like, I'm out.

For that reason, I'm out. You know what's interesting is I don't think I know this story. You do. We've gone through the whole list. The whole list. We actually did that, and it was kind of fun. If you get to a point in your relationship where you're secure enough to do this, it is interesting.

we have gone down the entire list of each other's exes of any kind even like asking someone out on a date we went through that list and showed pictures just out of curiosity it was fun i do i can i can i amend my red flag because because she had a crazy ex doesn't mean that that's a red flag for her no the red flag was that she like entertained it and it was like it was just the the way she She handled the situation. Was a red flag. Have you dated anybody that was a red flag or had red flags? Absolutely. Absolutely.

This was just maybe stylistically like different ways of living life and like interests. But I remember being early on in dating someone who um had a very big interest in like asking me very inappropriate questions really like physical stuff just lots of things and i was just like you know i don't even

like asking you that type of stuff no still now same i will say this and i was like that's a red flag for me. It might not be for someone else. But for me, I was like, I think I'm good. I think I'm good here. Yeah. As in like I'm going to exit the situation. I think that when you're dating,

it's really important to be thoughtful and reflective on all these things we're about to list of what makes a red flag, what makes a green flag. When, and you need to kind of be more delineating between who you are and what you're looking for and who this prospect is. I think when you're married, though, you still need to have an awareness,

but the approach is different. Because, like, I think you're fighting for unity in a marriage in a way that's different than in dating or engagement. So, like, if something's a red flag in marriage, you would say, let's see how we can... Yeah. Like, I don't agree with that. Let's talk about it.

Yeah. And how can we make this better and improve in a dating relationship? It's more of like a, I'm out. You know, let's move on. Or like find a, look for a pattern. Like is this, I guess there probably are some red flags where you're like, don't like that. But is that like how they are or is that like a mistake?

Yeah. Yeah, which is also interesting, like, because we all have red flags. Yeah. Yeah. Because you could have someone show up late to a first date, and that could be a massive red flag, but that could also be like a genuine mistake. But even if this mistake is more severe,

there should be consequences, but injecting grace and forgiveness. Are there, do you have any, or did you have any early on in the dating world, glaring non-negotiable red flags that you were like, if this happens, I'm out. yes i think the list is very long to be honest uh i don't think i could explicitly state them i'll try now um and i want to preface all this by saying i think when i was going through the dating process

i had a mentor say the only thing that matters are her love for you how she treats and relates to your friends and family, and then her love for the Lord and her values. Everything else's style and style changes. But I think in dating style can be a signal to all of the previously mentioned things. So, like, I think if someone is too physically forward, that would be a red flag, right? I think if someone is super isolating, both. of themselves, like they don't have any friends or of our relationship. And it's like me being in this relationship has cut off community. I think that's a red flag. I actually still to this

day kind of have this rubric for decisions of if this thing brings me closer to community, whether it's a purchase or a group or whatever, then I'm interested. If it draws me away from community, I'm out. I think if the curiosity is not there are family values Sean and I's

our playfulness curiosity generous stewardship faith and togetherness so yeah those are all rooted in these things

I'm saying yes and so if they're too stiff not curious I think you know there needs to be

some overlap of interest I think I feel like You're, I feel like you got a little confused there, midway. Okay. You don't mind me. Straight me out, babe.

I think you started out with red flags. Okay. And you went into the preferences. I think there, I think maybe sometimes we get very caught up in the dating world, in engagement world and single world of, like, confusing those two. Because I think there's preferences where, like, I would prefer to have a tall man. versus a man who's like that's what people would say like a tall man right now

or I would prefer to have a brunette or I would prefer to have someone who is curious or ambitious or whatever I think those are preferences not red flags interesting I'm having a hard time with that because I kind of liked how I phrased it

I think you start out that way though if someone's not curious at all I think I'm out I think you're out but I don't think that's a red flag Let's just do the extreme version of a not-curious person. And it's like, you're absolutely certain about everything. You don't ask any questions. These are all like subtle signals of a red flag of like, yeah, I couldn't. Wait, now I'm getting confused.

But I said, okay, we got to dive in. Yeah, yeah, let's do this because we actually listed out what is a red flag, okay? Which it says a warning sign or indicator of unhealthy behavior that could lead to more serious issues if not addressed. which I understand curiosity, but like curiosity to a certain level is a preference, not a red flag. Arrogance is a red flag. Yeah.

I'm kind of equating the two. All right, so here are some examples of red flag behavior. Controlling behavior. Yes. Such as when one partner tries to control different aspects of the other's life, like their decisions, appearances, friends,

interactions. We went through some of the worst date stories and there was definitely some controlling behavior. Remember the daddy power trip guy? Yeah. Who was like, you can't have a Twizzler or buy anything unless you ask me. Absurd. Huge red flag.

There's also lack of trust, which is like constant doubt about others. Loyalty or honesty or withholding information that's important or lying. So if you haven't seen nobody wants this, you should watch it. But she does a great example on the show. It's a Netflix show. It's a Netflix show. Where she's like in any other relationship that I've had in my life, I would have like taken your phone and creeped through it.

But like learning to have that trust and be like, no, I trust you. Which I think subtly showed up in our relationship early on for sure. And I think a lack of trust can show itself in different subtle ways. Like always texting and always needing a response. I guess we grew up in a generation where we just got phones right and it was like the T9 texting and there used to be constant back and forth

that's like a lack of trust it can be perceived as a lack of trust it could be an indication of that so that's what I'm saying there's styles but they're rooted in something sometimes the third is disrespect is another red flag

any form that includes like belittling name calling mocking interesting how they treat the other people in their life you could see this like family members

waiters at a restaurant the grocery store clerk this is probably my number one red flag that's interesting to me why you're not like super gregarious

with weight I'm not saying you're bad at this I'm not saying but I'm saying I wonder why it's like that I'm not super gregarious with what?

When we go to a restaurant, you're very respectful, but it's not, I'm wondering what your tie is to this that makes it so hot spoty for you. I make it a point, though, to make high contact

the second someone walks over and say thank you and, like, address them. Okay. This is interesting, though, because the style, I'm reading yeah it can be interpreted differently

what's the line of respect or disrespect right? Yeah you do just to clarify you're very respectful to people that you interact with it's not like this overwhelming you know it's different

as opposed to kneel you know that that super extrovert type yeah yeah but I think there's a difference between like I show people respect

people who outwardly disrespect others for me is a massive red flag okay yes love that I have an identity crisis right now no no no don't

you're very respectful next over dependence you want to take it over dependence on you for emotional financial or social support can lead to issues I think that has to be explicitly stated

in the beginning of a relationship that because I also know certain guys who are looking for women who are overly dependent who don't have a job and want to be nothing but like arm candy to a certain extent wow

interesting jealousy is another red flag excessive or irrational jealousy and possessiveness I think there's like There's probably A healthy amount of jealousy It's like a

It's used biblically in an interesting way I think that can apply to like a marriage relationship But Placing blame on Someone For like the way they look at you Like it can cross the line Definitely

The last three are Neglect It's like Ignoring each other's needs unequal effort one partner consistently putting in more effort than the other and then abuse which is like yeah huge red flag i think that's like a black flag like they should go to jail yeah like a that's not even up for debate of like oh it's like that's a red flag no that's like a we're done yeah it's like a red stamp of oh yeah how do you categorize that it's like you should go to jail

All right, what's a beige flag? It's behaviors or traits that are neither positive or negative. This is super stylistic. They're neutral, maybe quirky, odd behaviors. Honestly, it's like the middle ground between red and green flags. I think a beige flag is completely preferential. That's just like, are you going to read this as like quirky and weird? Are you going to read this as like green?

This is just preference. Actually, the way someone in. interprets beige flags and whether they're red flag or green flags is pretty insightful, you know? If you're going through, this could be an interesting exercise with someone you're dating of like, is this a hard no or a hard yes for you? Reading through these, though, these are like, these are character thing or like what makes someone unique. It says quirky habits, like shouting dog when you see a dog. Using pronouns for inanimate objects, like she's so.

pretty when talking about a car. Yeah. Needing to sleep with a fan on even in the winter. Like these are, these are not red flags. Right, but if you're someone who's like, sleep is a core value of mine and I can't have a fan on in the winter. Maybe it's a red black. Eating meals they don't like when they could make something else? Wearing sunglasses in every photo, eating french fries with a fork, interesting.

clothing habits more broadly can be beige flags like wearing clothes that are too big or too small repetitive conversations um you know talking about the same thing over and over again could be boring to some people the last two you could take the last two predictability when meeting people asking strangers the same question like always asking someone their birthday when meeting them for the first time predictable dates always doing the same exact thing for dates, like watching the same movies. This is, like, we're getting into, like, a lot of nuances where, like, if this is your list of things that can't happen on a date, all of these, it's like, bro.

Maybe you're the red flag. Maybe we got to chill out a little bit. Maybe you need to look inside yourself. Green flags on the other end of the spectrum are a positive sign that indicates healthy and beneficial behaviors or qualities in a partner or relationships. So some examples might be They're very emotionally intelligent And you know how to communicate their feelings clearly

Which would be amazing Yeah Hypothetically Hypothetically speaking if someone were to do that Other things These are like no brainers They're validating, they make time for you They're intentional

I appreciate little things Find joy in the simple things That's a huge green flag A huge Shared values and morals Celebrating your success Has good manners They're humble

Healthy communicators I want to go back to one Celebrates your success Tim's new scrambled egg loaded croissant Or is it croissant No matter how you say it Start your day with freshly cracked scrambled eggs Loaded on a buttery flaky croix

Try it with maple brown butter today at Timms At participating restaurants in Canada for limited time I think that's overlooked in our world I think it's more difficult than you think I think a lot of we live in a world of jealousy and comparison where people have a hard time like genuinely celebrating other people's success because they're afraid of someone being better than them

or ahead of them or whatever I think that is the most amazing green flag if someone's capable of doing it someone honestly that celebrates their own success in a healthy way i think it's super rare to see someone who celebrates anything what do you celebrate you know so find someone that celebrates stuff i'm not talking about like rage or parties but it's like someone who's proud of their work or proud of your work or i actually think celebration in the even the small smallest form is important um all right here's a fun part we asked you all listening on

instagram to send in some of your personal flags that we could put in the categories of red beige or green and wow you guys send in some very interesting ones and they got the people who pulled these together the team laughing pretty good yeah um so we're going to go through them and maybe we can alternate but we're just going to say what we personally would think and see if we align and I would love for you guys to share down below what you think on this if it is like a preferential thing if it actually is clearly defined what a red versus a green versus a beige flag is I'm ready yeah let's do it okay the first one men with long fingernails based off the above definition it's got to be a beige flag.

How long? I don't know. I'm just thinking, I'm trying to put myself in this scenario where if I sat down to a date with someone and they sat down and I was like, man, he's got like long nails. I think that would be a red flag for me.

Yeah, no, I don't disagree with you, but maybe they're really good at playing guitar, you know? But I also think that's more of an ick than a red flag. That's what I'm saying. based off the above definition it's got to be a beige okay remember john butler trio that was one of our first date things sean and i went to go see this band they have long nails super long nail because they play guitar and if that's your thing yeah i get it all right next when someone says they know what it's like to have kids because they have a dog because they have a dog i would laugh as we both did and say

Would that be a red flag on a date? I'm tilting between beige or green, you know? Oh, wow. Okay. I mean, it depends on how they say it. If they're, like, giving you parenting advice because they have a dog, out of bounds. But if they're like, dude, my dog is like my fur baby,

I respect. Then it's kind of like a green flag. That's what I'm saying. There's a lot of in-between here. What would you say? how you read it me yeah how I read it would be beige

I'm when I go beige like don't care how about when their lock screen is a picture of their car beige that's not a red flag I'm gonna go green here here's why here's why

obviously the first three we've read can go red beige or green yeah the way I just read that one was like, anybody I know that does that or would do that have a car as their lockscreen picture, it's like a sentimental thing. It's like, this is my dad's truck and it makes me think of him or something like that.

Or they've, like, worked really hard to get their car and they got their car and they're really proud of it, which is actually really great. Obviously, there's the red flag version, as I think about it, of like, here's a picture of a Lamborghini that's not mine, but I'm going to tell you it. You know, like... Yeah, like a douche.

Yeah. Anyway, all three of these could be depending on how it's delivered any of the red, beige or green. But like a lock screen in the picture of their car is, like, kind of sweet. It tells you about a passion of theirs.

Yeah. As long as it's a passion and not, like a material. No, it's like a nudie, red flag. A nudie. What, like a bikini in the car? A nudie. No, throw out a car.

Just like a butt picture or something. It's a red flat. Do you know anybody that? as a nudie as their I'm sure there's someone somewhere who has like a bikini picture as their screen picture. Wow. Okay.

Next, calling a woman babe or hun over text prior to the first date. That's a red flag. That's a red flag. That's got to be a red flag. That comes across disrespectful to me. It's got like a power play behind it. Yeah.

You know when someone calls you, we used to laugh in a locker room like if anybody calls you chief? Yeah. buddy or sport it's like belittling yes you know this feels belittling yeah what about someone who bites their nails constantly not a thing not a thing for me i don't think it's a red flag i think it shows like anxiety or like a nervous um tick yeah which isn't a red flag that would be i would just be curious to be like what started this what caused it men who were

flip-flops and joggers in public well andrew wears joggers every single day but is it the combination i got nothing against either of these things i have nothing against joggers i now have a small thing against flip-flops because i'm like i don't think it's professional we're old that's what i just we're getting old i here's how my perspective on clothing has changed as I've aged and it has because I used to be I mean I still go shirtless a ton yeah and I used to be like really cavalier about what I wore and it's like where was comfortable I still pretty much do that but like I actually think now as we've been adults and are less around our immediate community of family and friends that we've known our whole life when I meet a new person

for the first time which happens more as an adult I want the first impression matters and what I wear is a part of that and so how can I give the most respect how can I give that relationship or interaction the best chance at succeeding? That's why clothing matters I think. I just have a new thing about sandals.

I don't know why. Even you? I can't do it. You used to be flip-flop queen. Flip-flop queen. I wore flip-flops on. on what's, the late night show. Dave Letterman?

Yes. You did. I wore actual like Havanaas on David Letterman. You were 16 years old, so preface on that. I can't do it anymore. I have a hard time going to the grocery store with a little pop song. You mentioned that you've been trying to put more effort into your style. Why?

Why? honestly two different things so one we've been going on all these school tours lately which I have just noticed and we've had like a lot a lot more because of the ages of our kids a lot more like school functions and it occurred to me like I'm a direct reflection of my children if that makes sense and my children are a direct reflection of me and that matters It matters how I represent my children at school It truly matters And then we started reading this book

Called The Power of the Praying Wife And There was just so many like prompts And questions of like The effort you put outwardly Like towards your marriage And your self And your self-image

Like matters And it can like affect a lot of things Does that make sense? Yeah. Say that fine. I want to say one more thing on this, because this is some place where I have drastically changed. Yeah. I remember talking to Dr. Carl Pilamer.

Remember the 30 Lessons on Loving. He also wrote a book called 30 Lessons on Living. And there's a story in there where he sits down with this old man who's married for 60 years or whatever. And this guy said, I tried never to, he gave relationship advice. He said, try never to break wind in front of your space. house and there was an aspect when we were dating as like oh we're so comfortable with each other we'll do anything you know um and so i read that and i was confused it's like that seems like a really uptight stiff relationship but now i view that and interpret that as almost being hospitable

and and um preserve i want you to think of me highly and and i think my desire to have you think of me highly really is important to the relationship, you know? And that also doesn't mean that you can't break wind and look your absolute worst in front of each other because that's why you're married and nothing will ever change that, like how much I love you. But there is this sense of like, I want to try a little harder today for my husband and for myself.

For no reason other than for you. Yeah. and it feels great you've been doing a great job I'm impressed you don't need to do that and I hope you know that same to you baby okay moving on

someone with incredibly bad grammar done doesn't affect beige beige are they trying to get better at speaking clearly I'm not sure

someone who constantly leaves cabinet doors open what do you think about this one Sean It's a beige flag, but we could work on it. What do you think about it? No, this is another one where I've changed. I used to think, like, tidiness. I'm still not tidy, but I used to disregard the cleanliness of home.

And now I'm, like, reflecting on my time as a Boy Scout, where it's, like, leave things better than you found it. And it's like just the pursuit of excellence, whether it's making your bed, cleaning your room, responding to emails, the work you do. It really does apply everywhere. How you do anything can be how you do everything. Wow.

Next, needing constant reassurance and attention. Red flag. Giving a condescending, oh boy, every time your kids start acting out. That is so specific. Uh, beige flag. This is a,

I don't like the word condescending. It's a red flag worth addressing. Like if, yeah, they have kids, let's just assume they're married. Someone's obviously trying to get our opinion on their spouse. This seems like a bad attitude vibe.

Yeah. On both. On both. This needs to be addressed. It needs to be addressed. I don't think it's good for the kids to have the parent be a pessimist like that. And since you're adding in the specific word of condescending, there's obviously an interpretation of the, oh boy, that you are not okay with.

So, yeah, I'd say reading it, it's a beige flag because, like, oh, boy, here we go. You know, like, they're being crazy, like, whatever. Totally fine. but in the interpretation of it from how you're writing it, it's not good. It also implies an aspect of helplessness where it's like, we're not going to do anything. They're in control,

and that's not really how we view things. Okay, next. Someone who doesn't treat their mom right? Red flag. Red flag. If you don't respect your parents, how do you learn to respect a spouse? Red flag.

Obviously, situations can be tough, but I still think the idea of honoring your parents is important. Next, non-family members who offer to babysit your kids? Green flag? If you know them, assuming you know them, not just like strangers offering to babysit your kids.

Also, I'm thinking of how many times we have offered to, like, friends. If you ever need a break, Well, we're happy to come over Are you green flagging ourselves? No, I'm saying like... Are you trying to wave your green flag right now? Yeah, wave them right over there.

Next. Someone who leaves trash on the counter instead of putting it right in the trash can or putting dirty clothes on the floor next to the hamper. Did you write this? Did you submit one? Why did you submit to your own Instagram? This is me.

I'd put the paper towel because I will reuse it. Put it right there by the trash can. And then I think I've done a way better job with the clothes. I didn't submit this, by the way. I know. Bage flags. Sending food back at a restaurant. Red flag.

I could never. I could never. This is actually, I think, one area that I want to sort through a little bit. Because there's a principle of it. For sure. And if there's a, this is a red flag as I'm reading it. But it's, the idea of constructive feedback, I think, is important. And there is a time and a place.

Usually at a restaurant, it's not going to be the time or a place. If you accidentally got the completely wrong food or like it's not cooked or for sure, there's a finger in your meal. To send feedback. But there's a finger in your meal? Yeah. Is that what you just said? I'm saying, if there's something crazy. But I will say to a certain extent, when you are in a venue of, like, where you are being served,

something has to be drastically wrong for me to say, I don't agree with your service. Take this back. There's probably other steps you could take, too. Like, hey, sir, I ordered a medium well steak, and this is raw. This is raw. Yeah. Just open a conversation. I think this is hard for us because we have also witnessed firsthand people be very disrespectful

in a restaurant setting where they're like sending food back. And instead of having that conversation in a very kind and nice way, it's in a very demanding way. And I think the approach is very important. You know, it's interesting. I think if the goal is the gripe is because you didn't serve me right, that's when it really rubs me wrong. If the goal of whatever feedback you give is I love this place

and I want to see it succeed, that's a totally different vibe. Here's a red flag. I'm going to add one. Entitlement because of payment. I don't know how to say that. I know a lot of people, and I've been around people before, who are like, well, I paid for this meal. so you've got to treat me a certain way

you are actually in service to me because I'm paying and I completely disagree with that I agree with you and so I think that's that falls to me under this whole like sending food back at a restaurant because like I bought this

I'm entitled to like get exactly what I want which I'm like you know Is there a time and a place, though, that you feel like, hey, I am, no, never mind, never mind. Lafs out loud, really loudly at things like movies, books, and jokes. Green. Green flag, yeah.

You can find joy? Yeah. Flapping on the plane lands. Green. Wow. You are, you're celebrating life. Let's do it, man. I do love that, yeah.

But if you get up and you are the person that... Sit your butt down. That tries to grab your bag and run off the plane. Or people who stand, like, right next to the carousel, the baggage carousel? That, to me, is way more mellow than the people rushing off the plane. No, people who do it, like, 20 minutes before the baggage carousel even starts, and they're like... That's a thing for you? Right here.

Oh, it drives me mad. Interesting. the people getting off the plane is way worse to me but i figure it's like the same thing because if the bags haven't started yet and the bags start coming and they're just standing there like locking making a fence you like patience patience is a virtue patience back your butt up when you see your bag go grab it next someone with loud bodily noises chewing burping farting etc. Red flag

if you're not trying to you know burping and farting I categorized differently than chewing chewing is stylistic it's almost like cultural

it's cultural so if it fits the culture fine because there's some there's some people that just chew differently you know yeah and there's some cultures

that like value slurping or yeah like what is a you're supposed to do the soup like that yeah yeah but like if you're burping and farting in public just ripping them red flag

yeah it's tough to navigate if you're just out there ripping them left and right you know all right someone who makes comments about your meal like usually you don't eat that much or wow that's a lot and they're a bad tipper wait are they just throwing that in there someone who makes comments about your meal you don't usually eat that much or while it's a lot as it's being red red flag yeah I agree a bad tipper

red flag yeah but here's the thing I know I don't know what the right contact obviously at a restaurant you tip there's certain things like where were we last night Sean I went curling for the first time it was a blast we went on a double date and we literally did the ice curling

Sean was really good at it with the purchase of a one hour lesson you they're like you have an option to tip your the guy you're getting a lesson from and in my head did it have the option well it was a mandatory instructor for like safety rules mandatory that so you couldn't be on the ice without them but then the option to tip and in my head I'm like you're the servant like what you're buying would include that right because because it wasn't our option yeah anyway I feel like it's all confusing now yeah there needs to be some guidebook for like because I don't know quite tipping with respecting somebody you know no and I don't think it should be expected all the time

I think in the food and beverage industry it kind of should be it's definitely gotten out of hand in the United States because there also used to be this like unspoken rule of if you owned your own company say I say you commissioned pieces like art pieces if it was your own company

you wouldn't that you wouldn't tip that person but now people are like do you want to add a tip it's like well anyway so a bad tipper that's like how it's almost in the eye of the beholder yeah lastly a man that uses a high

pitch voice when talking to a baby. Green flag. Because they're into it. Yeah. Okay. More broadly, Sean, why is it important to look at someone's patterns of behavior before committing your life to them? Feels obvious when asked.

Because the first thing that came to mind is I feel like there is this culture amongst probably more women. than men before marriage of like oh he'll change or I'll change him or like we'll fix that or we'll work on that or whatever

and I think you really need to take into consideration patterns and behaviors because who you marry is who you marry and you should be perfectly okay with that for the rest of your life you shouldn't be marrying someone because of what they're

potentially going to become but there's change that happens for sure You shouldn't bank on it though No, because I married You should be marrying a person For who they are today

Understanding that they're going to change But you don't know how And understanding they're going to change For better and for worse Many times throughout a lifetime So if you're only marrying a person Because you think there's going to be a better

version of them later on, then you're not taking into consideration your own flags. You're going to have to deal with red flags in your marriage at some point. With Amex Platinum, access to exclusive AMex pre-sale tickets can score you a spot trackside. So being a fan for life

turns into the trip of a lifetime. That's the powerful backing of Amex. Presale tickets for future events subject to availability and vary by race. Turns and conditions apply. Learn more at mx.ca. beige flags we've never had red flags I mean obviously it's like

these patterns of behavior you'll be the recipient of if you're in a relationship with them as will your siblings your friends your mom or parents when they're on their last breath

you know it's like that stuff matters I think you're trying to avoid resentment and trying to um it's I think about I wrote a paper on how behaviors affect your attitude and attitude affects your belief and so like in marriage

how you are tidy affects your attitude about your home your excitement to go back home and then the belief that you have about hey this this home is worth coming back to my marriage is worth fighting for like they're all kind of intertwined and behavior is almost a fruit of your beliefs. I will say another thought I had to is like outside of the black flag, right? Like the

ex of like abuse. I had a conversation with one of our friends who is just desperate to find a wife and he was telling me he's like these are my red flags. Non-negotiables.

If this ever gets brought up, I'm done. And it was like political views or certain beliefs on like things not religion just like beliefs on things and I told them I was like you know what it's actually like I understand those are maybe topics of conversation that might raise a little red flag but if you're not curious as to why like curious enough curious enough to truly understand the depth of why they believe that or why they think that or why they might have that stance you are giving up the opportunity to truly know someone

because what if their why has to come from like comes from trauma or comes from something that would make such clear sense and I think when you're thinking of like the red beige and green flags you need to zoom out and say what is the overall picture of this person because every single person you're ever going to meet including your husband or wife someday is going to have flaws

but I think it's more important to truly be curious to understand why he has long nails I think this is why it's so important to have a good group of friends

or family around you to help sort this out on a on a live day-to-day basis one of the red flag that came to mind was does this prospect I'm looking at when I was dating have a good group of friends herself and if she doesn't then I know like there'll be no balance or uh it lends itself to her being a yes man or not having a well-rounded perspective because I do think to your point like sometimes something that can feel like red flag you take it home to your friends you go on a date and they're like no dude you're out of line yeah you know we just sat down with dr henry cloud who wrote a book called boundaries sold 20 million copies and this kind of came up where it's like what if boundaries have a showdown

and and there's almost like there's almost like falsely constructed boundaries too where it's like oh i just can't deal with that there's there's certain things where that's true there's certain things where it's like no you this is actually good for you learn how to deal with like you need to wake up early and if you're just saying that's a boundary for me you're in the wrong and obviously talking about things that can be more serious than sleep but yeah it's fascinating having a good group of friends to help balance you out and sort these out can help do we just do a whole episode on etiquette i think i don't know i'm confused about flags you know we're old we're old this is all like etiquette like go to cotillion

tuck your shirt in yeah shake someone's hand guys stand on the side closest to the street of a woman wow I did enjoy this episode though me too I am yeah

I want to go on a first date with you again we're probably on date 1,000 I love it keeps getting better me too I love you I love you, too. Thanks for listening. We're married. See you later.

If you made it this far and you haven't, please subscribe to this show. Give it a rating. We appreciate it. Hope you have a wonderful rest of your day. And let us know your feedback in the comments on red, beige, and green flags. Talk to you later. I'm Andrew.

I'm Sean. With the East fan.