Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 250 |Common courtesies in Marriage

Episode Date: March 5, 2025

Today we thought it’d be fun to go through some common courtesies in marriage, something we’ve been talking a lot about lately! We hope episodes like this encourage you to keep showing up for your marriage, choosing each other and putting effort into the little things. We’re in this fight with you! Love you guys, Shawn & Andrew Check out SKIMS best intimates including the Fits Everybody Collection and more at https://www.skims.com/couplethings #skimspartner Beam Kids is now available online at shopbeam.com/COUPLETHINGS. Take advantage of our early access price of up to 40% off using code COUPLETHINGS Subscribe to our newsletter ▶ https://www.familymade.com/newsletter Follow our podcast Instagram ▶ https://www.instagram.com/shawnandandrewpods/ Follow My Instagram ▶ https://www.instagram.com/ShawnJohnson Follow My Tik Tok ▶ https://www.tiktok.com/@shawnjohnson Shop My LTK Page ▶ https://www.shopltk.com/explore/shawnjohnson Like the Facebook page! ▶ https://www.facebook.com/ShawnJohnson Follow Andrew’s Instagram ▶ https://www.instagram.com/AndrewDEast Andrew’s Tik Tok ▶ https://www.tiktok.com/@andrewdeast?lang=en #CommonCourtesies #Marriage #Relationships #ShawnAndAndrewPods Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up, everybody? Welcome back to a couple things with Sean and Andrew. A podcast that we talk about, a couple of random things. I am enjoying the show more and more. Me too. Here five and a half, six years in, I'm enjoying it more and more. You're getting less couple things about couples and more random couple things. All right. If this is your first time here, let me tell you what we talk about. Let's tell them the three or four things that we talk about really passionately. One is we kind of talk about. We kind of talk about. the joy and discipline and commitment, you know. I think we talk about how rigid and routine our marriage structure is, how rigid and routine our parenting structure is. You're saying this is an underlying common topic we talk about. I think everything we do is based in our athletic upbringing, which was very rigid. Way to keep the audience around, guys. I'm telling them that's one thing. Another thing that you can expect from us is playfulness. Yeah, we're going to argue and bicker about each other a lot. But it's playful. Right?

We also... This is like our therapy. It's like marriage therapy that you get to just listen to. But the feedback we get, which we'll read some comments here shortly. I'm looking at my teeth, okay? It's a blueberry smoothie.

They're purple. Sean's been making this amazing smoothie, but it makes your mouth. It makes your mouth purple. The third thing you can expect from us is this curiosity, this unending curiosity. I've been thinking about this opening spiel

here for a while. I can tell you. Like three nights ago, I was thinking, why do people listen to us? Or if the people who come for the first time want to know what we're about, what can they expect. And I think it is like the joyful discipline. I think it's a playfulness.

And I think it's this unending curiosity. So that's what we're going to double down on just so you know. So it's not going to be like a... You're going to double down on. That's what... You're doubling down. Dude, let's double down. I have no part in this.

No, you've been a part of the whole thing. I like to bring it to the surface. I like to philosophically debate things that have to do with relationships. that's it and that's based out of that's it all right all right all right I'm just saying that's kind of what we're about also two of those are our family values I'm they were derivatives I just think it's important we have a style and it it is for some people but it's not for other people so Andrew and I really like to do we like to argue semantics yes we like to be precise in how we speak I think

that's important. And I like you to agree with mine and you like me to agree with yours. That's good. That's a good way to put it. All right. Today's episode is common courtesy's in marriage. I don't even know what that means. We have a wonderful episode here scripted out. We've got six pages of content

to get through. But nobody needs to know how many pages we've written Andrew. We have a couple things to do before we roll into this episode. I have blueberry seeds in my mouth. First and foremost, we did an episode on our biggest frustrations. people loved it. You loved it.

And I would like to add a couple more frustrations to that, okay? Here's one of them. About me? No. About parenting and marriage. Here's one of my frustrations is how easy it is and how naturally inclined I am to reprimand or to be... personally offended rather than am to praise with our kids specifically why is it so much easier

to say no to them than it is to say great job you know and i was thinking about that the other day of how you i could tell bear a thousand times stop climbing on the thing stop climbing on the bar stool stop climbing on this and i'll say no no no no no no but then when he actually does what i am asking you to it just doesn't come as easy to say hey great job bear or good job and that's a frustration of mine

that I'm like I'm actually trying to flip the script on that and be more naturally inclined to give encouragement and praise we actually didn't interview with Dr. Mona this morning and she who's a pediatrician who studied psychology as well and she was talking about this she was talking about like

not in a manipulative way but like in a strategic way teach your kids almost through praise rather than just an upbringing of criticism yeah we were specifically talking about

food but picky eaters what an interesting experience that would be I think it's a more effective tool I think it is too we should try it positively reinforced rather than just trying to undercut the nose a second frustration I have

now to the marriage part no is the fact that growing up feels like goodbyes i heard this in a in a song the other day i think it's by that's your perspective that's not erie that doesn't have to be accurate it really does feel like this constant grieving process i know and i can't think about i know because it's a choice of perspective you can either every single day grieve this idea that you're never going to have a baby again and you're never going to have like the infant year again or you're never going to have like that's why when you see all these like videos of moms grieving the last time they nurse their child that is a choice you get to choose to either sit there and grieve it or you can

choose to sit there and celebrate the fact that you got to experience it and that now you're in just as great of a life phase but if you sit there and grieve it that That's not fair to your kid because you're saying, I'm so sad that I don't have that part of you anymore. But you do. You experience it. It's in you. I hate this perspective.

Whoa, wait. So much. I am so prone to this perspective. I know and I hate it. That's very strong. This comes easy to you is just like celebrate where you're at. No, it's not. But you can actively not let yourself sit there and be like, oh, true.

I'm so sad. You're not a baby anymore. Or like, you can't ever grow up. and you're saying in that process? I don't think that's fair because instead of celebrating who they are becoming every single day

you're almost making them feel guilty for doing something that they are so excited for. No, I'm not saying I'm doing this in front of the kids but when I... You do it in front of you every day. You're like, don't grow up on me.

That's a joke. That's playful. You should rethink it. Okay, I will. Thank you. Challenge accepted. When you have a three-year-old who, whatever, says aminels instead of animals, I know.

It's the best. And then they figure it out. Like, it really is, you're like, oh, that was so precious. This is, here's what I'm trying to say. I agree. These are the best days of our life. And I love these days so much. And I'm thankful for them.

And then, like, the days go by. And then you look back on pictures when Drew's a kid and now she was a baby and now she's five years old. And you're like, holy, it really does go by fast. It does. You know? I'm just saying, and I agree with you. And I think there is so much.

much of me that could sit here and ball my eyes out at the idea that we're done having babies and we're not going to hold one of our own infants again that's definitely sad but Jett's about to do his first t-ball practice yeah and three years ago when we were holding him as an infant that wasn't even a thought of ours like we're unlocking new experiences that will never get to have again and you can grieve that but you also should try to live in the moment of I agree. I think you cross the line when you when you allow that quote unquote grief to pull you out of the present moment and like you're just living in the good old day reflectively, you know. My last frustration is this and then we can carry on. I'm in this group with older men about 20, 25 years older. And there's like 40 of us. And we're telling stories about parenting and marriage and kind of. really in a pretty vulnerable way

that I've not been a part of with the older group like that is I'm hearing these stories and I realize like you can harm your kids if you give them too much or you give them too little you can harm your kids if you spend too much time with them or too little time right

like maybe you never take or you can harm your marriage if you spend too much time with your kids or too little time with them you know what I'm saying finding the balance is super hard and it's what i'm realizing is it's not a hey we figured it out no we're good and then you can just coast the rest of life it is a no we have a balance currently today in this exact moment and exact exact phase and tomorrow we will need to in a lot of ways

figure it out again or make constant adjustment i agree that's not so much of frustration it is like humbling like wow okay we're always going to be we're always going to be figuring it out you know for the rest of life because every single day they grow up a little bit more and things change they need different things we change and the scales get reset every single freaking day yeah i i guess i figured at some point you get old and you're like good but that's not what the experience has been. All right. Here's a featured comment of today's episode. This is from A. Heimer. A couple weeks ago, she said, you two have motivated me and my husband to create a mission and vision for our family and be more intentional in meeting our goals and giving our purpose in life a more concrete direction.

I am so grateful to have found your podcast. I've taken all your book recommendations, many podcast recommendations, and nearly all your goal and life-setting objectives. We have a nearly two and four-year-old and have felt quick, of time nowadays your content has motivated us to focus on what's important most being god marriage and family and bless you and i hope you continue to do this type of work for a long time you're changing one family at a time that'll freaking make you feel decent about this show huh honestly it might be hard to understand this Sean and I have gotten way better at this over the years this is our sixth year of the podcast you used to to be hey let's do a show and then we talk about whatever happened in our week and now we've

realized that it's a responsibility to prepare episodes in a way that is pleasant to listen to that is meaningful that's entertaining and educational and for us to be personally challenged and aligned with I don't know it's like it's a responsibility freaking it is we actively are trying to make our marriage better every single day not because it's bad but because we think

we have a duty to one another to constantly work on this and make sure it's a plus bruce for the rest of our life a plus that starts and we like to share what we learn and how we're actively navigating that so to see someone be able to take that away and do the same for theirs.

It's really cool. This has motivated us to go to school or go back to school. I mean, really our job is, in some ways, to curate ideas and lessons, takeaways and products that fit our style that other people may share. This goes back to the beginning of what our style is. And then share them in like a clear way. So thank you for being a part of the journey.

And it is fun because the style thing like we did the podcast tour and the people we meet it's not like we're meeting strange just like no i know what you're about like if you listen to the show for hours you got a similar style as we do probably yeah so it so it's not like we're meeting someone that we've never met actually we just met for i think the third time a couple who came to one of our oh my god live podcast shows who we got to meet in person and at the live podcast show they were talking about how they had just gotten married and they were like taking our advice and they had been listening and following for so long and we just ran into him again they came to the pro volleyball game

because they knew we were going to be there because they wanted to share that they just found out they're pregnant I'm like I'm still hyped about that they were so excited and we are so excited for them but it truly felt like family it was really really cool congratulations and to see them working on their marriage and like furthering their family was so so special yeah It's really special. Let's dive into common courtesies of marriage. Okay. One common courtesy.

Don't interrupt. Don't talk over you, Jerry. I think I might learn something in this episode. Yeah. We've been thinking about common courtesies in marriage a lot and why they're important. Here's why. Okay. One, because it's so easy to get out of the habit of doing common courtesies

when you're nine years into marriage like we are. But I think they become more important the longer in the marriage you get, right? They also help set the tone for the day or the week or the month? 100%. Sean and I have one common courtesy. Maybe this is unique to us and not common,

but like gentle wake-ups with a peace offering in the form of a coffee. That has become a coffee. Peace offering. here that's become the day it is it is just to know i love you and it's like because i'll i'll have been up for an hour and a half and i'll have cranked acdc or whatever i'm listening to during my morning workout and that is not my vibe and sean is just you know breaching the morning light and that's our peace offering so anyway some other reasons to do common courtesies which we'll talk

about but sets a great example for your kids to be seeing you do these active things for each other, whether you're nearly married or 30 years into marriage. It also is a great way to show the other person that you care about them and can make them feel seen, especially in this chaotic phase of life that we're in with three kids. I'm realizing more and more how much of a choice love is and like, we're... That sounds romantic. What? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah, like we don't do a podcast. I'm talking about how it the feeling is the choice in the decisions you make you're realizing more and more how you have to wake up

and just choose no no it's really special it actually makes it more special in my mind like i am more of a recluse and i could like go out in the woods i could go out in the woods for like three months no you couldn't you think you're some this is this is what we talked about the other day is in i i don't really like technology i didn't have any social media before sean you are the tech guy i am now okay i do but when and her thinks if it weren't for me he would get dreads and go live on some i had dreads i had dreads oh you went to vanderbilt okay sean i played football vanderbilt you got an NBA this is not what we're talking about my point is i have made a commitment that even though i don't really like texting or being on the phone even if it's for a phone call

own more tech devices than anybody I know. If my wife calls me, I will pick up the phone. Why? Not out of obligation, but because, like, that's my freaking wife. You know? So, yeah, if there's going to be anybody I pick up the phone for, it should be my wife. And that's, like, a choice. I love that you're just learning this.

It seems obvious, but I'm just telling you, I'm freaking telling you what I've been through. other reasons roast me for it day common courtesies are good small gestures add up and making like after time it can make you guys feel closer to one another and also reminds you that the marriage is a priority and worth fighting for thank you in actions speak louder than words dare i say louder the deeper into it you get anyway also this episode is not to make anyone feel bad if there's a lack of common courtesy and a lot of lack of upkeep with the little things. View this more as an encouragement for you to be the one to start them up again and then, you know, be an experiment to see the impact that they can have on your relationship. It can also be dangerous to lose sight of the small things that you used to do when you're dating, but it doesn't mean it's ever too late to start them back up. That's right.

So try out some of these that we're about to go through and let us know how it goes. we're also obviously as you could see with our pregame banter here we're not perfect ourselves so this is a reminder for us to do these for shan specifically but uh well one thing we do know that i can personally attest to is that it is worth the effort to prioritize each other like i've noticed the times when we've bought for each other yeah that's what that means i think prioritizing fighting for each other and we've noticed the times that we haven't. And so let's just like, we can make the daily choice to pick up the phone. Anyway, let's get into it. That's the definition of common courtesy.

Common courtesy is a level of politeness that people can generally be expected to show. It can also be defined as the basic level of politeness that is expected from someone. That's from the old Merriam Webster. Merrim Webster. That's right. Back when there used to be one finite source for definitions,

now you got Urban Dictionary. Shut, GBT. You guys are probably wondering, what are some common courtesies that we can start implementing within our relationship if you aren't implementing them already? Number one.

Also, these are going to be obvious. These are going to sound obvious. But if you know how it gets in marriage when it starts feeling like a roommate, we did a whole episode on the roommate phase, you start losing these things. And it's like it does become more of a task and a little more laborious

than it is natural like it might be with strangers. that's been beef with Sean towards me is like sometimes I'll be more charismatic with strangers than I'm with her.

Yeah. Honestly, for me, it's easier because like, because they're not coming in with all of that sauce that you got.

You know what I'm saying? It's like, the time. Yeah. Okay, number one, first common courtesy is greeting each other.

So when your spouse walks in the door, stop what you're doing. Put your phone. away. That's right. Make eye contact with your spouse. Say hello. Hi, it's good to see you. We talked with the marshes about this idea of hospitality that

hit me so hard when she said thinking of someone before they've arrived. What does it mean when someone's hospitable? It's like you feel warm and welcome there. What if you had that in your home? But greeting each other is the most basic. Greeting each other is hard sometimes, especially if you guys are married and living together because like At the end of the night when we put the kids down,

we've gone back and forth on this before, where it's like when we both come down the stairs, different places, different times, done putting the kids to sleep, we have missed the opportunity to greet each other both times. Because it's finally, oh my gosh, the kids are finally down, I can be on my phone undistracted.

So you sit down, you're on your phone next to you know that Sean comes down the stairs and then... And you've missed a window. Yeah, you missed a bid, as they say. Yeah. So that's honestly become a rule in our house is I'll sometimes put the kids down faster. I'll have my phone out. But as soon as I hear Sean coming down the stairs, phones down.

Yeah. And I'm making eye contact where they're as she's coming down the stairs. And honestly, it has allowed for such a better connection. And then we'll do our debrief. It's great. As opposed to spending an hour in conflict about like, I don't feel loved and this and that. And like, there's all these negative. of emotions that can kind of be highlighted with a negative interaction, we spend five minutes

with a pleasant debrief. And so I think it's a one, one, one, one, one, you know. Anyway, give him a little hug and a kiss. Whatever is needed. That's right. Number two, listen. Don't just hear. Give your full attention to your spouse when she's speaking.

Just like we said, put your phone down or stop whatever you're doing. Obviously, there will be situations like in the morning, Sean and I will be making breakfast and making lunch at the same time. We'll have some light conversation. But if it's like a, if it's something that merits a full discussion, one, don't bring it up in a bad context.

Or... There's like a certain amount of patience and discipline in that. If it becomes not a good time, kindly express that. It's better hear what they're saying at a later time than disregard what they're saying in the moment. And I've tried something like,

hey, I would love to give you my full attention. I just feel like I need to focus on the lunch thing right now because the kids are leaving for school in five minutes as opposed to saying not right now Yeah So there's that Number three

Show a genuine interest in their day Genuine? Yeah, what are you, the grammar police today? That's like the third war. Yeah, I said that intentionally like Genuine If you spent the day apart Ask how the day went for the other

don't wait for the other person to check in with you ask ask how their day was and see how they're feeling it's good to know how their day went so you can know what to expect from them when you're together example if they're exhausted energized so you can meet them where they are that's right that's good we've also i want to add something to that not just show a genuine interest in their day but show a genuine interest in their hobbies this is something and i talked about a few years ago that it can be very easy as you get into your relationship to develop hobbies that are of interest to you individually doesn't make sense? So like when you're dating Andrew's really into watching football with the guys

and when we're dating I kind of act like I'm interested but as you get married you're like I don't really care no make an active time an active effort to show interest in what your spouse is excited about. Whether you care or not, you should care about their excitement.

And I love the phrase, to know is to love. So if you don't love it, i.e., you don't care. Maybe get to know it a little better, and then maybe you could say, oh, I know it, and now my care for it is growing. What? Nothing. What's the next one?

Use kind words. Just like you teach kids to say, please, thank you, and I'm sorry. Yeah. give affirmations regularly can be simple, such as you look great. Which one are you giggling at, Sean? Because how many times...

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. And this is... No, read the last one. Kind words also mean a kind... Also means a kind tone of word a harsh or sarcastic tone. Oh. Sean.

And I'm sorry. How about that? Okay. This is one thing I've learned with the words and tone thing is I can, if I like touch you the physical, the physical touch

like this, me is that uncomfortable to you? It changes the tone and how it's received because I think you naturally assume that I'm like aggressive. No. Yeah, you do. No, you do.

Oh my gosh. Oh my God. You do. You did. Cheats. No. Yeah. This is one thing

I'm trying to work on is like, hey, hey, I love you. And I'm not, what? Nothing.

Oh, yeah. You don't know the reference? No, what is that? Why are you pinching my finger like that? This is Ariana Grande. That I,

I don't get it. Is it from Wicked? Yeah. Okay. Next, you got it. Good to move on. Show appreciation. Thank your spouse for both big and small acts, such as running errands, cooking dinner, or just being, just for being them.

That's hilarious. No, that's freaking funny. This is a great way to make sure the other person knows their efforts are appreciated instead of feeling taken for granted or like their efforts are expected. What a hilarious thought that Andrew would be appreciated for just being him. Hilarious thought. Okay. Your sarcasm is palpable. Well, it's funny to do about that.

You're making a face. So I was laughing at you. I was? Yeah. Okay. Well, we're getting a little saucy. All right. We should both.

Right and back. Yeah. Okay. Six. Share responsibilities. This looks different for every family and can be influenced by a schedule, work, number of kids, etc. But do what you can to both contribute to the load of running a home and raising kids.

And thank each other for doing. their share. Most importantly, pick up after yourself. This goes a long way. This is a common courtesy that is most definitely forgotten within your household, within your family, because you get tired and you get exhausted. But if you were in a guest house, you would pick up after yourself. What's interesting is you're highlighting that, which makes me think that's super important to you, which now I'm learning. It is very important to me. You're just learning this?

I just can't believe that you're like doubling down on that one you know I'm serious really that's a shock to you

I can't believe that's the one and no, Dean. We've been together for 13 years you didn't do a sidebar

conversation for that I love nothing more than a clean house you know this I knew you kind of liked it I didn't know

that I was like you've never explained it The whole. Wow. Okay. If you ask me for my favorite bra and underwear brand, without hesitation, I will always say skim. What's your favorite bra and underwear brand?

Skims. I literally threw out every single pair I owned to replace it with skims. I live in their stuff, you guys. It is worth every ounce of hype you have ever heard. And if you've heard our skims ad before and you've been on the fence, just try it. It's seriously that good. Finding a great postpartum bra felt nearly impossible. Seriously, it took me a year.

It took me three kids. But then I tried the fits everybody unlined demi bra and I am genuinely so glad I gave it a shot and I gave another Underwire bra a shot because it is incredible. I know you're really in on this, babe. I am. I honestly thought I was done with all the Underwire bras

after having kids and I was totally fine with that. But then this bra totally changed the game. It is unbelievably comfortable, super supportive, and fits like it was actually made for me. Whether I'm chasing my kids around or heading to an event, it's my go-to bra every single day.

I've had to buy multiple so I can always guarantee I have one clean to wear and that my drawer is now stocked with them but that's also a personal problem. I probably have too many now. Shop skims, best intimates including the fits everybody

collection and more at skims.com and skim stores. After you place your order, be sure to let them know I send you. Select podcast in the survey and be sure to select our show in the drop-down menu that follows. Seven.

Shivory. Shivalry, Andrew? If you're a man, maybe I should do a whole solo podcast on my thoughts on this. Chivalry's not dead, nor should it ever be. I think it's still cool to do things like open the car door and hold the door open for your spouse. I think it's a little way to show that you want to protect them

and that you mean enough for me to think about holding the door open. But it's almost like a two-way street in some ways. It's like that's my form of showing you my concerns. I think you have your certain forms of showing me your consideration. So it means a lot. I think it's a level of respect and manners that are, yeah, maybe old school, but I think they're very touching. At the very least, it is a layer of thoughtfulness. Yeah.

Whether you agree with the whole, like, the man should pay or the man should all. It's like, well, at the very least, they're at least thinking about how might I take care of this person or show them that I want to protect them, you know? So like whatever style that looks like, I think plays. Number eight. Communicate directly. Share openly how you're feeling instead of leaving it up for interpretation.

Consult each other about plans that will affect both of you before agreeing. Okay, no, no, no. I'll own the second one. You own the first one. Fine. I'll own the first one. You better own the second one. I'll love the second one.

Consult each other about plans that will affect both of you before agreeing. You don't need to reread that one? You already read that one. Let me read the first one. Share openly how you're feeling instead of leaving it up for interpretation. Oh my gosh. Sean will be like upset about something. I'm assuming it's me for the whole day.

And then she'll be like, I've had a stomach ache and a headache the whole day. and I'm like, I wish you I don't want to be a pansy. Oh my gosh. Stop. Communicate in a timely manner if your spouse checks in with you and avoid passive aggressive behavior

or the silent treatment. We don't do the silent treatment as much as we do sarcasm. I think you and I would both like the silent treatment, but we're the opposite. I think we'd take it too far. We hammer it out.

If we did the silent treatment, we would both take it too far. or out of stubbornness. Yeah. Nine, be considerate in a social setting. Speak kindly of your spouse in front of others. We learned this in premarital counseling. The guy said this,

that when you're speaking with your friends or family, never speak poorly about your spouse. I think that's so important because I have four siblings. I'm very close with them all. Obviously, we grew up together. So they're going to more naturally take my side, as are my friends probably.

So if I say, You wouldn't believe what Sean did. She disrespected me out of it. And they're just going to be like, I can't believe she would disrespect you. And the next thing you know, it's like there's this rift that doesn't need to be there just because. Or you've pushed your spouse out of your family in like a unifying sense.

Yeah. Which is not okay. So I don't know what the balance is because it's not like keeping it all in. But it's more of a it's a disciplined filter of like, hey. If you ever want to speak for advice about yourself, spouse to a friend or a family member you need to do so in a way where you're actively seeking to fix it and not vent and having an awareness of who's a yes man in your life and who's not because like if I complain to my mom about you she's going to take my side 100 times out of

100 probably you think she's my mom you think I'm saying I'll at least I think she might take my side like okay she'd love it thank goodness anyway but uh yeah yeah you should have a core group of friends that you can go to if you need advice but that would be willing to give you a little pushback and feedback and don't ever make your spouse feel belittled or embarrassed in a group setting that's your right or die i think i've gotten better at that i think i used to make like snide jokes here and there nothing too crazy unless there's something that comes in mind but i think i've more actively preserved that I hope you felt that number 10 be patient with each other offer each other grace especially

during stressful seasons or when they're going through something such as pregnancy postpartum new job a move etc and see the best in your spouse and know they're trying their best in our interview with dr mona and her advice on how to like deal with the kids this idea of being very slow to react slow reaction came to mind where it's like the Bible talks about be slow to speak

and slow to anger and I was just thinking like yeah that's definitely a safer bet with this people that you're trying to preserve love with you know it's not a business context where you need to react

with your strategy impulse or whatever it's like a hey I can say some really hurtful things here potentially and I can also let my emotions get the better of me in certain situations like in the home context when it's so like constant

and can feel overwhelming at times there's not like a lot of places to escape you're not going to the office or whatever so it's like just be slow to react keep your wits about you as they say anyway a couple of other courtesies that are

included here I think it just goes to show like making active efforts always are important are things like personal hygiene respecting privacy

respecting boundaries help without being asked talk about intimacy don't set unrealistic expectations and something as simple as family meals together some of those seem conflicting to me

like help without being asked but also respecting boundaries I could see how that be like really tough to balance sometimes. You know what I'm saying? I don't think helping without being asked would be crossing a boundary.

But what one person might perceive as help, the other person might be like, yo, just give me my privacy. You know what I'm saying? I think it's referencing like dishes. Oh, okay, gotcha.

Yeah. No, that's true. It makes me think of our interview with Carl Pilamer who wrote a book called 30 Lessons on Loving. Talks to these old, couples like 80 90 year old couples and one of the guys the interviewed said that he

never flatulated in front of his wife yeah and I was like uh what a bum what an old school idea not fart in front of your wife you know what a bummer that they're missing out on that they're missing out on it honestly in some ways that's a that I would say that's a that's a trope and society where it's like I'm comfortable enough to fart in front of you you know but then I as you unpack that and you hear why it's like

this guy always wanted his wife to have a good image of him you know not be this stinky smelly loud noisy guy

which is interesting so I have actually increased my personal hygiene game in light of that concept I've appreciated it. Have you noticed? Yes. Good. I got a long way to go.

Yeah. Well, you're doing a great job. It's just kind of interesting to think, you know. And I've tried to up my fashion game for you as I sit here post workouts, buddy. You have, and I've noticed. Here's a challenge for you. Listening. Implement as many of these or other ones that come to mind as we're talking about this as you can in this upcoming week before the next episode comes out.

And let us know how it affects your relationship. relationship. You can either comment on this video or the next one, challenge accepted, maybe even posts on Instagram about it, tag us in stories or whatever, just say challenge accepted and let us know. But I think it would be fun. Common courtesy, why not? I want to test it out.

I want to take it all up to the next level. People say work on your marriage. I think this is partially what they mean. It's like you work to do the common courtesy with people that you really don't need to do common curtesies with because you're your wife but it's also the person you should most do it for what an interesting balance yeah i enjoyed the episode more than i thought i would i love you i love you i love your sarcastic little sass and we're so grateful for all of you listening if you made it this far and you haven't subscribed yet please do so there's something like 70% of the people

that listen to the show that aren't subscribed to it so don't don't be that guy subscribe to the show give it a rating and let us know if you want us to talk about any other topics y'all are very worth coming and fun in the comments so keep those coming and we'll see you next time i'm andrew i'm sean out