Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 251 | Dear S&A (part two)

Episode Date: March 12, 2025

Welcome to PART TWO of our new series “Dear S&A” inspired by the newspaper column “Dear Abby”. You all sent in stories, questions, hot takes and more and we dove into all of it in real-time for today’s episode! If you want to send a submission for part 3, click the link below- we love hearing from you guys! :) Love you! Shawn and Andrew This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://www.betterhelp.com/EASTFAM and get on your way to being your best self Send in a submission on this page ▶ https://www.familymade.com/podcasts/couple-things Watch Dear Shawn and Andrew Part 1 ▶ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=guqIwLdtGDo Beam Kids is now available online at shopbeam.com/COUPLETHINGS. Take advantage of our early access price of up to 40% off using code COUPLETHINGS Follow our podcast Instagram ▶ https://www.instagram.com/shawnandandrewpods/ Subscribe to our newsletter ▶ https://www.familymade.com/newsletter Follow My Instagram ▶ https://www.instagram.com/ShawnJohnson Follow My Tik Tok ▶ https://www.tiktok.com/@shawnjohnson Shop My LTK Page ▶ https://www.shopltk.com/explore/shawnjohnson Like the Facebook page! ▶ https://www.facebook.com/ShawnJohnson Follow Andrew’s Instagram ▶ https://www.instagram.com/AndrewDEast Andrew’s Tik Tok ▶ https://www.tiktok.com/@andrewdeast?lang=en #DearS&A #Advice #Relationships #FamilyLife #HotTakes Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up, everybody? Welcome back to a couple things. With Sean and Andrew. Another episode of Dear Sean and Andrew. Not sure why you're asking us for advice, but we are here to give it. That's right. We did a live stream and answered some questions where you all ask us for our advice. We're going to do a second part because we didn't get to about half of them.

Yeah. It's going to be fun. But before we get into it, I want to talk about your involvement with volleyball. Oh. Let's give some life updates. live updates we are officially investors in india ignite the pbf pro volleyball federation if you didn't know pro volleyball has not been a thing here in the u.s even though volleyball is one of the most popular high school sports it's incredibly popular in college only growing like the amount of student athletes in volleyball

is astronomical we had the chance to go to the all-star game the first ever pvf all-star game Sean hosted it. It was a blast. I think we're going to start help make videos for them, which will be fun. Yep. And I'm bullish on volleyball. It is incredible. It's, I had never been to a professional volleyball match until probably three months ago.

Investing in women's sports is something that is very near and dear to our hearts and something we're passionate about. We invested in Angel City, now Indy Ignite, maybe some others. I can't tell you guys. But being able to go to a game and actually see the women competing, it was absolutely electric. It's so exciting to watch. And there truly aren't that many opportunities for women post-collegiate or Olympic-level careers. And there's not much in between. But to see all of these new professional sports leagues take off for women and it be so,

supported by the general public has been really, really powerful and really cool. Yeah, pro volleyball is epic. There's eight teams in the PVF right now, Atlanta, Orlando, San Diego, Omaha, Indie, Grand Rapids, Columbus. Which one are we missing? Do you say Oklahoma?

Omaha. Omaha? I'm missing one. But anyway, check out the schedule. It's really fun. Congrats to Sean for being involved in that way. It's been really cool. and we have a crazy seven months not seven months we have a crazy seven weeks ahead of us yes all of our

travel is getting ready to take off our kids technical spring break is next week um we didn't have any plans as of yesterday but as of yesterday we now have plans um we are going to the Caribbean let's go because our kids have been dying to go to the beach and a work trip mixed with now family is going to be an epic spring break which we're really excited about we're going to be spending a lot of time on Orlando a lot of time in Orlando we're going to the children's miracle network week I officially sit on the board what is life right now this feels weird to talk about um so that's my first official duties as a board member but we're also going to pair it with Disney and bring our kids we're going to new york city where we're hosting a make-a-wish

reception in gala. Wow. I'm really impressed by you. I'm really impressed by you. This isn't us. This is us thing. No, it's a you. And I'm really impressed by you.

And then we're also gearing up and starting to lock in plans for our big summer travel trip where we are going to... Are you going to tell them? No, no, stay tuned. Stay tuned. What?

Well, we don't have a planned yet. That's why. I don't want to put it out there and then I'll have a plan. So we have a lot of things to be excited about. And it's been really fun because 2025 so far has been kind of the fruition of 24 things that were in the works. Yeah.

And now it's like a lot of things that we took time to invest in and to cultivate are kind of coming to life, which is fun. Which is Beam. Beam is taking off, which I'm so excited about. It's really fun to see. And the feedback is the best to see how kids who otherwise wouldn't really eat any food now love this nutritious drink is to hear moms say like sorry to put out put this out there but like kids who are having like constipation problems and now it's like solved it just like I feel so excited and I feel so proud beam is probably going to be really annoyed with us though because I keep calling them and saying I have another idea I have another idea I have another idea it's good times all right but we digress today's episode deershan and Andrew part two we always start with a comment

from one of our listeners. Today, it's from Kim. She says, you two are so adorable. I love your playfulness. Sean, you're definitely feeling like yourself again after having Bear. You guys have settled into parenthood beautifully. I've been with you from the beginning

and I'm much older than you. I could be your mom, L.O.L. But I still learn from you. And I can't wait for your book. Keep bringing it. Yay. Oh, yeah, the book. Oh, yeah, baby.

We're doing book calls every week, guys. Good times. Thank you, Kim. Thank you all to listen for, oh my gosh. I feel like my brain is still waking up. Thank you all who are listening to us. It's really fun. I just love doing this show.

You want to tell people why you might be a little groggy this morning? Or like, might need a nap. Our kids are adjusting to their sleep schedule. Jet rolled into our room at 5.15. Yep. And then. I was so confused. I was like, that doesn't feel like Nash.

I felt like little, what I thought were paused, but then there were hands on my feet. And I was like, what? Yeah, so what did our morning consist of? At 5.15, he wanted to work out, so I took him to the gym with me to work out. I tried to take him back upstairs to fall back asleep. But that wasn't happening. So then he read a couple of books by himself and played with Hot Wheels, and then he came back down to work out with me.

Then he wanted to go on a bike ride, so he did that. Then he wanted to do jujitsu and wrestle, which... That's right. You're such an amazing dad that you did all of this with him this morning. I just... Every ounce of me wants to say no, because it's... It's like, can I just sit down and drink my coffee? Yes.

But I'm like, I have no good reason to say no. So I just got to suck it up, swallow my pride, and get to it. You 1,000% gave him that gene. I am not, Drew and I, we're sleep inners. Sleeper inners. Sleeper iners. Jet pops up at 515, just like you do. He's like, you're like, go for bike, right?

It's pretty great. We had a good time. And the bear roll out about at 6, Drew at 630. So it was a good morning. Yeah. And we cooked breakfast after two. Drew at seven. Drew never comes out of a room.

Yeah, okay. And then, yeah, that was a big two hours. You might need a nap. So it's been a good day. But to remind you what this episode is all about, Dear Sean and Andrew is inspired by the newspaper advice column called Dear Abby, where people used to send in questions, hot takes, crazy stories, or ask for advice. And so we'll read these.

comments and then answer them in real time. And before we jump in, we do want to say that these submissions deal with real and heavy topics. Some of them do. So as always, we're not professionals. This is just our hot takes on the situation. I agree. I love it. Should we dive in? Yeah. Let's do it. At first, Sarah, Sarah says, what should I do? A family friend of my husband has significantly distanced herself from us and hasn't addressed why. So much so that my daughter thinks it's her. For reference, she's nine.

I have reassured her it's not her, since this person is so intertwined with other friends, do we ditch her or try to reconcile? We're both frustrated with her actions as is, and the older we get, the less tolerable we are. She may have sensed this anyway. Isn't that true? I've definitely felt the older we get,

the less tolerable we are. It's like, you just get said in your ways, you know? Interesting. Okay, what do you think, babe? I think kind of like you're saying, like the older you get, the less tolerable, you are. Don't tolerate the question of why.

Does that make sense? So like, rip the band-aid off, meet her for coffee, and be like, yo, what's up? Like, do you need space from us? Is this kind of like a distancing because you feel like you need to move on, whatever great but like

find out an answer you're saying don't be intimidated by the question of why no I'm saying like don't just like leave that lingering and be like oh I don't know what to do just I'm just sitting here wondering why and like I feel like that's something I would do like I'm not a confrontational person so in my mind I start digging myself into a black hole of like the worst case scenario when you should literally just rip the band-aid off have coffee and see what's going on.

Maybe she needs your help. Maybe something happened. Maybe it's actually not distance. It just feels like distance. Yeah. No, it's good. I think there is such a thing as being too confrontational. But I think in this instance,

when there's a noticeable distancing happening, it's okay to ask the question why. Another thing that happens when you get old, I'm experiencing this, is you start telling yourself weird stories. You can kind of get caught in a rut mentally. and you start constructing all these weird narratives that aren't true. So just having the conversation out in the open

and hearing, hey, why are you distant? Maybe she's going through something really bad and that she needs her help. I think you'd be surprised that usually it's not as personal as you think it is what I've learned. So you got this, Eric, good luck. Carol, how do you think you would handle the loss of losing your spouse and do you think you should put yourself back out there

to seek a relationship after some time. Sorry, not trying to be morbid, but I'm in that situation, and it's been 11 years. Oh, man, I'm sorry, Carol. Sorry. How do you think you would deal with losing your spouse?

I would be absolutely devastated. You're my person. I didn't even think about those too much. But I do think, I'll say this. we have interviewed a couple of people who have been widowed and I've seen it firsthand

with a friend of mine how they did choose to put themselves back out there because they wanted companionship but it's been so beautiful to see in their new relationships how their new partners honor their lost spouse

their fallen spouse. So it's not like they've moved moved on, it's truly like an acceptance of like that person is still a huge part of your life and I accept that. I just want to join in. Yeah, I don't think your story's over yet, Carol. I'm excited for you. And there is beauty left in life yet.

It might be hard to see. There might be smoke and obstacles in the way. But I think you fight for the good. And then I think you'll start building some positive moments. momentum. So if you're, if you're thinking it's time to put yourself back out there, then start testing the waters. Yeah. But I, again, I could not imagine losing a spouse. Yeah. You got this. Tegan. Have you ever been in a situation where you were wrong, where you wronged someone, not even intentionally, and how did you handle it? I got a story. Let's hear it. That was quit.

I have realized you can't please everybody and that we are liked by some people sometimes and then it's really a sad, humbling thing to realize I'm going to let people down. I let you down. We just talked about on the interview the other day we did about how we have to reconcile,

we have to come to terms with the fact that we are going to disappoint each other. And that's just a sad reality. And it happens in marriages. It happens in friendships. I'm a part of this Daugher Day's group. I go into the gym. This was about a year ago.

And this early morning, as Sean said, I'm pretty excited in the morning. Not everyone's like that. So I'm giving hugs, giving hard times. It's like a bunch of boys in there. And I gave someone a hug who didn't want a hug. Next thing you know,

he wanted a fight. And I don't really do well in that. situation. I just kind of laugh it off. But my first inclination was to remove myself from the group, isolate, not want to speak to him. But then I, I don't know, fast forward a year. And we've traveled internationally with this guy. We've gone on mission trips. I FaceTime with him. He's in a different place, positively. I'm in a different place, positively. So it's interesting. I think the best case scenario happened after me wronging that person. I didn't respect their personal space and

what they had asked. I was too playful and I just like disrespected them. Um, so I did wrong them. But I think it's an opportunity to like, what I tried to do was learn a lesson and say, all right, not everyone's like that, you know, not everyone's playful in the morning. And I should respect that. But also, stick around, you know, even though I feel weird and embarrassed. and shameful and like maybe I'm the cause of drama in the group how can I repent in some way you know like say sorry and apologize I think there's something really honorable especially as an adult of like showing back up and be like you know what I'm sorry yeah how do I fix this there was a process of apologizing and I tried calling a couple times to get and pick up and then

you're like all right well how much space do I give it so it's it's kind of an art you know there's no prescribed timeline um but I'd say lean in go deep agreed next Andrea says I'm home for Christmas and my sister just told me that she's pregnant she's young 23 and not married and I'm not a fan of her boyfriend and they both have a lot going of growing up to do he doesn't have a great job and they're currently living with his parents I want to be excited for her having a baby but I'm very scared for her because I know the parents didn't take it well and she hasn't told anyone else. I'm also not thrilled because I didn't, don't like her boyfriend and also just don't know how they will financially afford a child.

Let's see. Those she has told. Those she has told have had an excited reaction. I want to be excited for her and know a baby is such a blessing no matter what and God will make good out of the situation, but I'm struggling. How should I support her? Wow. What do we start?

I have a lot of thoughts. Okay, hit it. I felt this exact thing towards someone. And I dealt with it with my therapist, my counselor. And I remember her saying so just like gently but firmly, it's not your burden or responsibility to carry. Does that make sense? So like, you cannot like the boyfriend, you cannot agree with this, you can be worried,

you can think about all the logistics, but none of those are your responsibilities to carry, and you are not the person to fix it, and you are not the person in the situation to say, like, I don't agree with that, that's not okay. The best thing you can do is love her. And at the end of the day, be like, you know what, that's her life to live and that's her life to figure it out. And I'm not saying like not to be a good sister, sister, right? Yeah. Yeah. And just be like, go figure it out. I'm not going to help you. But it's not your responsibility to fix it. I appreciate how much it cares. But one thing I think it's easy for me to do as a sibling

is apply my own life system and style to my siblings. And it's like some people just do it different than you do. I think my natural tendency is like, well, I'm doing it right. I don't know. But I don't think there's a right way. It's like, all right, maybe there's lessons that she needs to learn. Maybe there's more money that she needs to earn. But I think she'll be okay. I think if she's like engaged in the process and learning, then it's going to be okay. Yeah. It's hard, though. It's hard not to be invested. You're a fixer. You're a fixer of other people's problems. I can get overbearing sometimes, so, yeah.

But it comes from such a beautiful place, but at the end of the day, you have to say, those are not my problems to fix. But I struggle with this. We talked about this with our counselors. I know. If that feels like me being removed or not loving or being aloof. Or like abandoning someone, but you're not. Yeah.

But I think phrasing it as being healthily detached. has helped me position it where it's like or healthily attached either one um where it's realizing this is not your life to live be there to mentor her when she wants it or seeks it hold her hand hold her hand and be there when she cries but you can't like force her to do anything yeah she's she's about to have a kid so you also said they have a lot of growing up to do then you need to to grow up. You can't expect her to just be more mature. If she

is only 23, she will learn. Having a kid will make you grow up. That'll make you grow up. I'll be praying for you though. Oh my gosh. Be excited if she's excited. Yeah. Okay. Stephanie, I want to know how you feel about someone in a

committed relationship that doesn't want to get married. The way that's phrased to me, it makes me worry a little bit. Not a committed relationship. It's committed right now, maybe. I don't know the situation, obviously. With all of these stories, we're just getting a snapshot. But in my mind, it's like, what is committed today might not be committed tomorrow.

Yeah. And so what is interesting about marriage is it makes separation of pain in the butt, you know, which makes the relationship a little more durable. Yeah. and at least maybe gets it over one more hurdle that it might not otherwise get over. So I'm, I think, like, okay with committed relationships in theory, but marriage is distinct in a lot of ways.

I will say I have yet to meet anyone who didn't think marriage was the same as just a committed relationship. Does that make sense? Okay. I feel like we've had a lot of friends who are like marriage isn't going to be any different. Like we've been together for 12 years. There is something about that final step that does change it.

And I would say probably historical. There's probably trauma around this idea of marriage that people who are in committed relationships who don't want to get married are fearful of. You probably should think about that and work on. on it but yeah i do think in my mind it would be a red flag we've we've heard a lot of stories ourselves from friends who are in relationship for like 12 years and it you know they're like oh yeah we're pretty much married we just don't need to do the last thing and the next thing you know like a year later they're separated and there's heartbreak and hurt but if they were married i bet they

would have figured it out. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. What do you think about them though? Let us know.

Morgan says, hey, Sean and Andrew, I love you all and I've gained so much relational wisdom listening to your podcast. I've been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend for a few years and can see an engagement in our future. What are some foundational building blocks or discussions we should have before engagement in marriage? Thank you so much. Actually, we're getting

some demos this week of some question cards that we can provide for married couples to have continued quality discussion but also for engaged couples as they look to get married. I, off the top

of my head, could list out $5,000. Oh, interesting. Go for it. What about you? Well, go for it. No, none. Go. You can figure everything out once you're married, but why not talk about them now? What do you want holidays to look like when you get married? Whose city?

Are you going to go to his city? Are you going to go to her city? Are you going to go visit their family on Christmas Day or not on Christmas Day? Do you want kids? How do you want to raise kids? You're going to raise kids and a church outside of a church? On organic specific food or non-organic? Are you the same religion?

Are you going to get a pre-up? I think just breaching that conversation is worth it. And it can prevent an awkward interaction. Finances? Are you going to blend finances? Are you going to keep them separate? Are you, what do you envision five years down the road? Do you want to be a stay-at-home mom who doesn't, you know, go have a 9-to-5 job?

Talk about that. Like, talk about the things that seem. talk about your visions so you both know what direction you want to go and make sure that it's like oh yeah I aligned with that

yeah and also where where you've come from the stories about your upbringing of like hey my dad did everything for me or you know make sure you have an understanding of like

okay if I can extrapolate Sean's dad did most of the chores so she's going to kind of expect me to do most of the chores for like that's just a hypothetical yeah it's just hypothetical no I'm kidding but it's like those things matter I'm just kidding I think I think also talking about pre-mental counseling are you up for that or not yeah those are some

foundational building blocks for you congratulations though Morgan Lexi how did you all learn to build healthy habit as young adults. I'm 25 and I'm still learning and struggling to build habits that will last a lifetime. I love you guys. Thank you so much for your time. I think you'll still be building habits

for the rest of your life. I don't think you need to like have them all figured out in your 20s. What do you think? Yeah, it took us a while to be honest. So don't stress out too much. I would say over-schedule rather than under-schedule would be my first inclination. I think I tend to drift towards entertainment or irresponsible use of time when I don't have things scheduled.

So put it on your schedule, have people that do things with you, whether it be a workout partner that you meet every morning at 6 a.m. or whatever. and then you would feel guilty letting them down. I would say putting yourself in the right context and surrounding yourself to make things a little easier. I think about how I naturally eat like garbage, but Sean stocks our pantry with all this healthy stuff. So like it's not even really an option for me. And fast forward three months,

I used to miss trash food, but now I'm like, now I don't miss it because it's not available. so that's fine um and then i think always just like checking yourself it's not like waking up and feeling making yourself feel bad that you have work to do but like always have an awareness of like okay there's something i could improve upon today there's something i could organize there's there's more order i could bring to whatever chaos exists whether that be a situation at work or a loose end in a relationship, how can I, like,

how can I just press in to bring order to chaos in my life? And then just waking up and trying to do that every day. I also think two things, working backwards. So we always talk about goal setting, but I think having a rough outline of, like, what direction you want to go and reflecting on are the patterns and the habits you're doing right now,

reflective of, like, are they actually like progressing you towards the job you want or the marriage you want or the house you want or whatever it may be like is it actually beneficial to it um and then I would also say I think just naturally or casually reflecting day to day about like what feels good and what doesn't feel good like if you're going out and partying every night and you're like oh it actually feels crappy like I hate feeling hungover be like what maybe we should work on that habit. Yeah.

In our goal setting, we talk about gathering all the analytics too. And I think it's helpful to the extent that you can start to see patterns. And it's like, oh, every time I drink five cups of alcohol, I don't sleep well. And I want to sleep well. So define what good habits mean to you and how they align with your goals. And then just start doing them once, one at a time. I'm excited for you. Taylor,

Sean and Andrew, you're one of, you're one of a kind in the media space. So thank you for being real. My wife is going through a really hard season of depression,

not postpartum, just depression in general. And she has been for about a year. It's been weighing heavily on the marriage and there's not much I can do to fix it.

We have a hard time connecting, but I also feel so bad for her. Have you ever walked through a similar season? Sometimes I worry it won't get better. Dang. Wow. I'm sorry she's going through that

I'm sorry you're going through that both of you combined to your family I think one key in it getting better is believing it will get better and that's like this weird concept of faith I've been just noodling on more and more

is like it really is the only way to achieve something that is not yet present. I think about Vandy football beating Alabama, the number one team in the nation. You look at the pregame footage.

This quarterback is he has faith, as you could see in his actions and his aura, that they will beat the number one team in the nation. If he didn't have that faith, you're going to go out and play differently. You know what I'm saying?

If you don't have the faith that it will get better, you're going to go out and relate different. So it's like it almost injects. It might feel false, but you have to have some delusional confidence to make change. I don't know how else to say it.

Like it applies to a lot of different areas of life. Entrepreneurs. It's like you have to have faith that the thing you're building will make a difference and will work. Otherwise it won't work. Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right, you know?

There's like all these sayings that I think are really true. And it's freaking hard in your situation, honestly, Taylor. So I'm sorry, but, like, keep holding on. I think one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard someone say who went through something very similar was, like, this is what you signed up for when you said your bowels, pretty much. It's being able to support each other when each other are at, like, your rock bottom. and I think just like buckling up and understanding you'll get through it

but being you have to think like if she is in a depression she has no sunlight and she doesn't know a way out yet so you kind of have to be that for her and I know that's exhausting and I know that's sacrificial and I know

that's it's so hard to like try to lift someone up every single day and be all of that but you kind of have to be like you have to do that for her um you don't think so i think no i think it plays into like this whole trend like the the cold bath ice bath trend where you're like you're like you freaking you get up you show up you deal with the suck and you get better and there's some there's something really inspirational about that yeah for a guy like me where i'm like all right i'm freaking out here grinding. I got a wife who's in a bad spot, but I'm gonna keep showing up. And like, that

gives me motivation and inspiration. And it like gives me a certain amount of resolve that I like look at myself. I'm like, all right. We're doing it. You know, freaking let's go. You also asked if like we've ever walked through a season like this. Yes. I went through postpartum depression after bear, um, our third. And you went through this. You went through this. routine of like waking up every morning and being like okay we're doing this again you're going to kind of pick up the family and try to be the light for us i would also say and i would i would hope it kind of goes without saying but i do think any type of depression you need professional help. Like, you have to seek professional help because as much as you love her and can support

her, she needs professional guidance to get through it. Yeah, but I think it's most impactful when she realizes that herself because then it, you know, you can't force her. Yes, but I, sorry, I do think back to like when I was going through eating disorders. There is a, bottom you can get to where you don't even know how to take a step forward like you don't know how to go ask for help and I do think there are certain situations where in such a beautiful way you you can suggest like I want to help you feel better let's go find any way we can Yeah, those conversations can just get so hairy Depending on the context, you know

But three things I think Taylor could look forward to One, when you go through the hard times I think you do learn something about yourself That is incredibly important And so embrace it like a warrior mentality Kind of with yourself thinking, All right, time to figure out what I'm worth kind of, right? Two, I think

in this season I'm almost paralleling to like a kid who learns how to or you hear their giggle for the first time the rarer those moments of joy are I think the more you appreciate them and there's something really special about that so like I think every time that those

opportunities and events happen enjoy them so that you're like motivated for for the next drought of that. And then three, Sean and I relationship is in a better spot than it was before she went through postpartum depression. And so look forward to that, you know.

It might feel like a far off future, but keep pushing. You got this. Kirsten, how do you reignite the spark in your relationship postpartum? Sean, how long did it take for you to be in the mood? Girl. Regularly again.

Yeah. Yeah. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. As 2025 continues, do you want to be someone who keeps fighting to be the best version of yourself? Or do you want to let your self-improvement fall to the wayside as life gets busy? Therapy can help you stay on track and make room for the person you set out to be at the beginning of the year. Think a therapy like your editorial partner helping you create the meaningful, fulfilling story you deserve to live. Andrew and I are open about how therapy has literally changed our lives.

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I don't know. I don't feel like I think it's like a mutual spark that you have to work on. Does that make sense? Where it's like once you feel like I want to reconnect and I'm excited to and that inspires that in you? I think yes. I think reigniting the spark in a relationship postpartum has... less to do with physical like healing and more to do with like emotional space for me personally

so postpartum i always felt like our hardest thing to get back into like a groove of of life of husband and wifeing was like having the space to say like oh hi husband how was your day like being able to connect emotionally is what kind of reignited a spark between us. And I would say that with every kid, it took three months. Took nine months recently? Yeah? Are you in the mood yet again? Oh, that's a joke. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Postpartum phase is so crazy because you're like tired and emotionally drained and your time is so chaotic where you're like

all right naps crying baby I gotta go and interrupt this and on top of that us as women our bodies have been hijacked

like it's it's even harder as a woman like reignite a spark because literally our operating systems have been turned

on their head and don't know which ways up yeah so it's like your hormones are out of balance your body is not yours you're there's just so many things so I would just say slowly just take one day at a time

yeah Tyler hello Sean and Andrew I just wanted to say thanks again for the virtual game night in 2020 it was a highlight of the roughest year of my life also Sean I hope to see you in Minnesota in 2006 especially if I get selected to the USA Special Olympics games I remember Tyler I know Oh my gosh How are you Tyler Tyler we love you

You've been around forever Yeah that's fun times The game night was a blast There was All right Let's do one more And then we could Maybe do a part three

Great do you want to do Which one do you want to do Let's do Let's do Britt Dear Sean and Andrew My husband and I Have been together For seven years total

Five of which we've been married We met in college And both were collegiate athletes I'm very competitive And my husband is more Go with the Flow This feels right on par with Sean and I. We have two kids now and we both want to give them the best

lives possible. When it comes to finances, I don't think we're in agreement with what a great life means for us and our family. We both grow up in low income, living paycheck to paycheck and our parents did the best they could. My husband and I have really good jobs that pay well. I want to pay off debts and have financial wealth. My husband enjoys the finer things in life and spends money like it grows on a tree in the backyard. I feel like the stress of finances is weighing on me while being four months postpartum. We've tried budgeting, but he never takes me seriously. Any advice on how to approach the topic again in a respectful way

and actually get on the same page? Thank you. I love listening to you guys and never miss an episode. We have been through all of this. We've been through all of this. Yeah, yeah. I think it's very natural to have two people who are opposites. So, like, don't feel like that's unique to your situation.

So one, know that this is a normal thing that I think a lot of people go through. Yes. Two. Sean and I go through it. Yeah. I'm more of a penny pincher. She's more free to spend money.

Yes. Yeah. Two, something we did with our finances to really help with the misalignment on strategies or budgeting or splurging or vacations or whatever it was, was hired a middleman. Like, try to have a financial advisor

of some degree to help communicate. It's almost like having a marriage counselor. It could be an accountant too. Yeah. And you will spend money doing that. Yes. But if spending money helps you ultimately save money

and save your marriage, I think it's well worth it. Ours comes in the form of an accountant most of the time who says, hey Andrew you actually don't need to save this much money you're free to spend as Sean's hoping to

he just kind of mediates it and provides like hey look I'm looking at your financial picture I'm an expert in this stuff in ways that you two aren't and Andrew you're over indexing in certain areas Sean you're over and we'll go to him and say hey what about this purchase what about that purchase and he'll say yes no yes no and so it takes a sting

and like the personal offense away from those interactions. And it also gave us more room to trust each other with finances. So in some way, it gave us more freedom because I trust Andrew more now with finances. He trusts me more now with finances because we have a person who's basically saying, like, here are your boundaries to operate with it. and it makes you said something about how do I bring it up in a respectful way there's something really personal

when as spouses you're like you can't spend that or you have to keep working or why can't we buy this house whatever there's something that ultimately gets defensive and disrespectful somehow but when you have a professional telling you that

it somehow feels different because you're like, oh, he must really know what he's talking about. And that's not to discredit your spouse at all. It feels different. It just feels different. It feels like all emotions are moved. So I would say, I would say invest in a middleman. I also have repositioned the concept of a budget

because that used to really sit poorly with Sean. And I was like, we need to have a budget. Yeah. Because I was essentially positioning it as we need to cut our spending. Yeah. And we have changed that. to more of a hey we need to come up with a budget meaning we need to have full awareness on where our money's coming from and where our money's going yeah and then you can have whatever conversations from there um but it's been something that we'll do weekly and monthly kind of overviews the weekly ones like five minutes or kind of just go over through an app we use monarch uh like what happened this week in spending and an income and that way we just both have reps at talking about about money without it being offensive, you know.

And then doing that together, ultimately, you know, I think we'll more gently unlock different conversations. I also just think you can mess up money in a couple of different ways. You can be too loose with it and flippant and not respect it and the way it sounds like Brit does. You can also be too tight with it, you know? And so it's kind of this idea of understanding that there's a proper, place for money and it can be like maybe your husband spending a lot of money on stuff for kids you

know i think that's different than spending money on shoes for himself and splurging on all these things maybe it's both whatever but like there are some things that that are worth spending money on you know if you guys are able to agree on that it makes it so much fun hey we're going to splurge on a nice vacation together as a family it might hurt britt it hurts me when shon like here's here's what I'm thinking for vacation but as we've taken more trips as a family and received more of those emotional deposits from it or the emotional what is it like emotional withdrawals yeah but if you think about us taking a trip in 2004 as a family to Paris we will for the rest of our lives until we die hopefully in 40 years until 2045 be able to

to refer to that year and, like, have all these positive memories that result. So it's like, all right, we can spend money on nice trips like that, you know? So just realize that, like, you're probably in the, in some ways, the most expensive phase of life with raising kids. It is worth being diligent with money. It's not worth being tight grip. Yeah. Those are my thoughts. Those are my thoughts.

These are fun. I really like these episodes. I don't know. It kind of makes me uncomfortable still. Really? Yeah, yeah. Because these are serious, like, the depression thing, it's like, freak. What maybe, hopefully we can provide another perspective, but.

I really hope people listen to this and say, like, this is not us saying, this is what you should do. But I think, one, it destigmatizes like everyone has a perfect life. You know, aging didn't really hit me until I became a dad of three. Suddenly I started noticing how my body wasn't bouncing back as easy as it used to after a hard workout or playing with the kids. and while slowing down is natural, it doesn't mean we have to just accept it. Adding a collagen supplement from ancient nutrition has made a huge difference in how I feel. I am with you on that. I love ancient nutrition's multi-collagen advanced lean supplement.

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I'm telling you, check it out. Right now, ancient nutrition is offering 25% off your first order when you go to ancientnutrition.com forward slash eastfam. That's ancientnutrition.com slash eastfam for 25% off your first order. ancient nutrition.com slash east family everyone has something yeah in being able to unlock a place where people can say this is what I'm feeling and be able to talk about it and hear have more and more people be listening to it and be like huh I actually never thought about what if my wife goes into depression how to deal with it maybe this is like precautionary for people or maybe someone else is dealing with it

I think it just, it develops such a community of people being able to say, I'll be thinking about that. I'll be working on that. It worries me, though, because I'm looking at these pages and pages of submissions we've had, and I could talk about each one of these for an hour. I know. Like with Britt,

okay, the money thing. People talk, she wants to set her kids up for financial health and well-being. That's great. But you talk to, like, the wealthiest people, they don't want to give their money to their kids at all. I know. So you're like, it's all contextual.

There's always this argument, that argument. Well, and we could talk to Britt for an hour about here are some resources we found and here is like, and same with Taylor and his wife. Like, we found Rockhouse counseling being the most life-saving thing for us

and life-giving. I agree. It feels so little, like what we're giving back, but I think being able to talk about it a little bit is probably refreshing to these people because it gives them light. Let us know if you like these type of episodes listening. Thank you all for your submissions and trusting us with them, honestly.

Yeah. We're grateful. We're grateful for you all. And we'll probably do a part three. We have some fun episodes coming. I think we're just going to keep continuing these forever. I don't know. People might not like them.

True. Anyway, if you made it this far, subscribe to the show and give it a rating on whatever platform you're listening, please. There's still something like 60% of the people listening to the show. Guys, just press subscribe. It really It really helps us out

Yeah Just put it out there Yeah So that's all we have for you Thanks for listening I'm Andrew I'm Sean We'll see you next time