Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 256 | Reflecting on 9 Years of Marriage

Episode Date: April 17, 2025

Today's our 9th anniversary!! So we thought what better way to celebrate than to sit down and reminisce on the last nine incredible years together. We've come so far since the early days of our marriage and I'm so proud of us for continuing to choose each other every single day❤️ Love you guys! Shawn and Andrew Get the BEST PILLOW EVER! Shop now at https://lagoonsleep.com/EASTFAM and use code EASTFAM for 15% off your first order!  Beam Kids is now available online at https://www.shopbeam.com/COUPLETHINGS Take advantage of our exclusive discount of up to 40% off using code COUPLETHINGS Subscribe to our newsletter ▶ https://www.familymade.com/newsletter Follow our podcast Instagram ▶ https://www.instagram.com/shawnandandrewpods/ Follow My Instagram ▶ https://www.instagram.com/ShawnJohnson Follow My Tik Tok ▶ https://www.tiktok.com/@shawnjohnson Shop My LTK Page ▶ https://www.shopltk.com/explore/shawnjohnson Like the Facebook page! ▶ https://www.facebook.com/ShawnJohnson Follow Andrew’s Instagram ▶ https://www.instagram.com/AndrewDEast Andrew’s Tik Tok ▶  https://www.tiktok.com/@andrewdeast?lang=en Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up, everybody. Welcome back to a couple things. What's Sean and Andrew? Happy anniversary, babe. Happy anniversary. We made it. Today is our nine-year anniversary. That's right.

We're going to be doing a marriage review nine years in. A marriage review? Just like an audit? No, that's the wrong way to put it, I guess. Yeah. Just reflecting. Okay. On the last nine years.

Is that better? Yeah. We could do a review. Let's go through each year and do like a high-low. I was just looking at pictures. and it's been delightful. But yeah, let's roughly try to place high lows to each year. So 2016 is the year we got married.

Yes. I would say, for me, let's go back to the wedding real quick, guys. Our wedding was magical. We were 24 years old, which is wild. We were babies. And we had this beautiful, rustic, farm-steadish wedding that was perfectly catered to like who we were back then we each had eight i think groomsmen and bridesmaids which seems like a lot yeah we had 400 people the the groomsmen and bridesmaids were from all phases

of life sean's athletic career my football my high school sean's high school friends we met after school yeah kind of a fun smorgas board yeah it was it was wonderful And we got married at, it's called Trinity View Farms now, but back then it didn't have a name because I don't think anybody had ever had a wedding there. But it was absolutely beautiful. And I just remember hearing after the fact that there was so much chaos that actually happened that day, like there was a TMZ helicopter circling the venue the whole night. There's paparazzi in the bushes while Sean was getting ready.

There's evidently like a wounded dog walking down. the aisle. What? A wounded, three-legged dog or something. Oh my gosh. Like a stray. But all I can remember was how smitten I was and how giddy and how in love I was with you.

I remember I thought marriage was. What did I think marriage would be? I don't. I mean, I was a 24-year-old guy. and it felt uh very exciting to be married yeah but you don't understand the covenant or the severity of the promise that you're making the weight and there's obviously no other relationship i'd had before that that was similar in any other sense whereas like you know you have siblings which you go through a lot of hard things with and a lot of good things with and you learn to

together, your parents who kind of refine you and shape you. But marriage, like you're slogging through the thing together live for the first time. And I did not realize that. No. I think what I thought was I'm marrying my best friend, which I was, and I'm still your best friend. You are? but now I think I understand marriage to be more of a tender precious responsibility I don't know about you but like when I look at pictures and when I watch our wedding video which you guys can see it's on YouTube I can like I can like put myself back there if that makes sense like I can feel what I was feeling and it just feels

like I was you were my best friend and I was getting married but like that comfort and that knowing you I know back then I felt like I did right I felt like I knew you and I felt like I knew you and I felt like I was so comfortable with you and you're my husband and you're my best friend and my boyfriend at the time and the fiance and all this stuff but it's like what I feel now doesn't even compare

like I can't imagine does anybody get married feeling this way now there's no way you can only attain that am I making any sense? Yeah no there's more nuance too I think I guess this plays off what you're saying

when we got engaged and what made me want to get engaged to you and date you is like, I put you on a pedestal. Yeah. Because I thought you were a great fit for me. Yeah. For me. Yeah. Same.

And it's like, I put you on a pedestal. But now I understand that, like, we've heard each other now, you know, deeply. but even though that that hurt still carries pain with it there is this really unique side effect of sticking through that together and realizing that you are not perfect and realizing that I'm not perfect in coming to terms with the fact that I have deeply hurt you

how do I reconcile that in my mind how do I carry forward in life like knowing that in some ways you put me on a pedestal too and I've just drastically let you down. So kind of reflecting on my own weaknesses and then still throughout that pain and that discomfort, that whole process is really uncomfortable saying we're pressing forward and doing it holding hands.

You know, we're doing it side by side. You can't replicate that. I think it's interesting also watching our wedding video and like hearing your vows. I think part of that going back to that moment and thinking about it, it's so pure and uncomplicated because of everything that you said. Like we, it's like it's the first hour and second of being married. We haven't heard each other as a married couple yet. We haven't let each other down. We haven't added the complexities of.

jobs and finances and kids and like it's so you're and part of me feels like sad watching that thinking like oh if only i could still like have not hurt you and have not added all these complexities for you it would still be like that but then at the same time i i think back to like the past nine years and I'm like if it weren't for those complexities yeah I wouldn't value you and respect you and want to serve you as deeply as I do now yeah so it's it's so interesting the the collateral and the carnage that happens is like I think we've viewed that less is something like a shugut that's going to drop and oh no yeah i hope like let's let's try to hide this or prevent it from happening yeah which we still did like yeah we are still aspiring

and striving but there's no hiding it's more of like a no we're expecting this to be a part of the process and now we know how to we know how to cope with it and navigate through it i equate it i don't know why i'm just like i have all these things in my brain you know when we were getting ready to have Drew so I'm pregnant with Drew our first baby and they ask you to write out your birth plan like this is what I want this is what I expect this is what's going to happen this is how I'm going to raise her

this is how we're going to do the parenting thing but then you have a kid and life goes every possible which different way and she's her own little human and you find yourself laughing at the plan you had because it's like, it just doesn't work out that way. It was pointless and it was worse, you know? Drew was way better in real life than she was on paper.

But I equate that to like, going back to like premarital counseling when people are like, oh, what can't happen in your relationship? And like, what are you, like, you paint this picture of like your marriage and you're forecasting everything that could possibly happen and you're like oh well if he says this I'm out or if this happens in our marriage we're just not going to get through it or it like you start doing the same thing you start planning our life is going to look like this

and it's like no it's hilarious because now instead of writing our lists it's like no You know? I'm in this sucker. Yeah, you're not choosing... You're not getting out of it. You're not choosing the basket of qualities or things that you can or can't have. You're choosing the person.

And I was just thinking about the different milestones that we've shared, the kids, the moves that we've had, the different homes we've lived in, the different cities, the different jobs we've had, different friend groups we've interacted with, all this stuff that, like, are kind of buckling. I want to play in the NFL or I want to live in Los Angeles and then the constant through it all is you and that is beautiful because in some ways it's the thing I have the most control over like it's it is a choice I can stick with you through this all but in in other ways it's like the most intimidating and the most vulnerable and the scary it takes the most

most hard like ambiguous intangible work of like why why is this why are we not viving right now or this week or for this four months after we've had this kid the postpartum period it's three hours ago we weren't vibing uh i think uh all right what expectations did you have on our wedding day that you were right about um i'll say this my expectations on our wedding day. The man I stood in front of at the altar on our wedding day

was a 24-year-old kid who I saw I saw just I'm afraid to use this word because I don't want you to take it out of context. Potential? No, no, no.

Don't take it out of context. You're not heard my feelings. I meant it. in the sense of like, every quality you had gave you the potential as a 24-year-old kid to be the 33-year-old man and father and husband and leader you are for our family that I saw on you at 24.

Does that make sense? No, I appreciate that. So, like, the potential wasn't what job or career, like, but your family and what you say, stood for and who you were at 24 as like a a college football player stereotypically right everything I saw I don't want to say like was right but it was right and more like it's wild because it it it wasn't a guarantee it wasn't it didn't have to be that way but you kind of forced that into reality a little bit.

super interesting like I but you did the same thing for me yeah everything you saw in me that I was so terrified to show the world and like embrace of who I was I like dimmed for everyone and I've gotten to become more me yeah yeah because of you I would never have been that person I would have hid behind every guard that I had put up for the rest of my life I think I think that is a beautiful fruit of marriage i think i was right about marriage being with my best friend i was right about that so fun i was just in moab for two nights away from shan i felt like a fish out of water out of there i was like this is dumb like first of all no it was an epic trip but without you it's like for what sitting under seeing this red moon beautiful stars the red rocks it's unmatchable but it is

all so disposable if you are not a part of it so i was right about that um when one question we have is when have we felt most like a team i've been thinking a lot a lot about this i used to love listening to all these old like cheesy motivational like football videos on YouTube and I'm back at it now during like a 10 year hiatus and I love them they're all like do our things and that's where you bond like that's when you find something about yourself and others that's freaking true and it's like when I when I think about my answer to the question of when we felt most like a team it's like okay team is supporting each other a team is learning from each other a team is helping

that comes out most when we had our miscarriage. And the support and help that we gave each other was not, it's not as clear, clean as like a football teammate. But we were. And it's not pretty. No, it's not pretty. It's imperfect. But we've learned how to do that better,

even though we stumbled through the first couple. I think about the stresses that we've each. individually gone through some of your friends and how to navigate that with some of my artificially constructed problems but that's when I felt

most like a team like oh my gosh this chick's got my back she's my frickin ride or die we say that a lot I ride or die it's awesome I think I have felt more and more like a team every year

if that makes sense. So I feel like we are the strongest we've ever been this year. And I think it'll be stronger next year somehow. We talked about last year being the hardest year on our marriage. Did you feel like a team then? I did because neither of us quit. But it didn't feel good. It didn't feel good.

It didn't feel good at all. But you and I both said because it doesn't feel good and because I'm your teammate, we got to fix it. Does that make sense? So I think because of that, we both felt like a team. We both willingly showed up to counseling and we both willingly continued to go every week

and we both actively worked on it. So I do think in some way we felt, I still felt like a strong team because I didn't feel like we were giving up. I agree. There's a little more resolve than like. Some people talk about there being like three parties in a marriage. You have like the marriage itself and then you have spouse one spouse two.

And it's like in that Senate last year it felt like the other spouse. was anathetical and creating friction for the marriage and it was like no no we have to okay

we're gonna we're gonna prioritize as a marriage that third thing that like kind of unlocked this route and avenue

to make it through the hard time but okay what's something we learn the hard way my first thing this is crazy because it's like this old man joke but first thing that comes in mind is I think I've learned the hard way that you are often right yep in the sense that I'm like a bowl and a china shop I have one perspective I only see I only see it my way

I'm not saying you're right Like we always go with your suggestions Or like your word is gospel I'm saying you're right in the sense that Frick there's another There's another view on this That I can't see Yeah

That you're presenting And that goes back to the teammate thing Where it's like dang I'm glad I have that different perspective I think the first thing that came to mind Was I do think because we were so young we both, you know, set our vows and signed off on our marriage.

So I don't want to say blindly, but in the sense of like, it's all butterflies and roses, you know. And I think something I learned the hard way that our wedding day was not a finish line. I think I approached our wedding day like a finish line to where it was like, oh, we did it. We're married. And I think we witnessed that in our first year with how hard it was traveling and like with what we prioritized and just how our life looked. I didn't actively go into our marriage saying like I need to court my husband every single day like you think of when you're dating. and so we had to, like, grow back from our first year.

Oh, but I'm absolutely glad it was part of our journey, you know? I agree, but I'm saying, like, I learned that the hard way. Yeah. And I think had I had a different perspective maybe, I don't know. Learning things the hard way sometimes is necessary. Yeah. Talk about how conflict has evolved over nine years. I think about this

This goes back to kind of what I was saying About what I've learned the hard way I'm being right I have more of an understanding That the conflict leads to compromise I used to I'm still kind of Conflict avoidant You know

I don't like it It's not comfortable I think my perspective on it Has changed from oh no I don't get to do things my way anymore I don't get to go play golf with the boys or I don't going to take this trip or I don't get to have

the free time that I want and I see our conflict more as okay Sean has a different perspective she's this conflict is her introducing that different perspective so that we can lead to a better outcome because me playing up with the boys

actually undermines my priorities of wanting to be with the kids or whatever it is you know she's she's actually unlocking an ability to accomplish our goals in a way that my siloed individual perspective cannot. And I mentioned how in Genesis it says God sent Adam, like Adam and Eve, a help meet is one interpretation of the word. Beneficial adversary. And one interpretation of that is a beneficial adversary.

And it's like, I honestly think about that all the time now. I did not feel, I felt a lot of adversary for the first seven years of our marriage. Not a lot of, mostly, mostly. But now I see like, oh my gosh, this is so beneficial, you know? Like this conflict is making us better at the outcomes and the decisions that we make together as a team. when we welcome each other's perspective through conflict not the first like

seven months like the first seven years but it doesn't like overshadow it but how often we're having conflict it's not like the vast majority of our time I'm just saying but it's like dude it's better this way that's how

I like that I would say with conflict something I've learned over the years has it progressed it's just constantly evolving and changing and life throws curve balls at you and you change

based off of what's happened. I mean, you and I became different people even after like dad died and like our family dynamics changed and just like learning how to communicate and learning conflict with your spouse

is ever changing. Yeah. I'm constantly trying to do it better. Yeah. how has our relationship matured or how has our relationship matured or how has each other matured the first thing that comes in mind for me is like I think we've come to terms with boundaries or the idea that everything has a cost yeah and we used to be people pleasers we used to be immature in the sense that like we didn't have priorities that we would

sacrifice other things for and inevitably that sacrifice is painful but i was i was just thinking like dang yesterday i hurt some people's feelings because i was like i got i i need to be home for our anniversary i and same we had i had an event tonight a paying event um that i had blindly said yes to it was a great opportunity and didn't realize until three days ago that it was on our anniversary night. And that's literally our only night this week to be able to like celebrate. And I said

you know what? It isn't a boundary I can cross. My number one priority is my husband. I have to cancel it. And does that jeopardize business? Maybe. But you know what? At the end of the day I cannot value business

more than our marriage. In the second that I allow something like that to happen, it's the whole like how they say it at church like the devil doesn't just come knocking on your door and say I'm here I'm gonna take over like it's like tiny little things every single day that allows a little bit more

and a little bit more and a little bit more until you look back six months later and you're like how did it how did this happen if you only take away one thing we say today please let it be that you deserve a good night of sleep in fact you deserve multiple good nights of sleep for the rest of your life and that's possible with the help of a hand-selected pillow from Lagoon.

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So go ahead and take that quiz today and see what pillow it suggests. Head to LagoonSleep.com slash EastFam and use code EastFam for 15% off your first order. It is so worth it, you guys. Try it out. Yeah, it's interesting because, like, I'm kind of, I'm good with you doing the event, right? I know. It's not like you need it to not go, but it's, it's, and people say, do it for the principle of the thing, you know? It's the principle.

It is. And I'm the same way. Like, you know, we have said that we're. We're not like big gift givers for our anniversary. We don't go over the top. It's not like a big thing. But we're together. But we're together.

And if you were to have asked me for like an event or whatever, can we do it tomorrow? Yeah. Great. I don't care. But since it was my active decision, I had to ask myself, is this event more important? And I was like, no. And I need to be able to brush that off. And if you find yourself in it and a place,

where you can't brush it off, then you should probably look at something else. Like, look internal. You don't have got me crying. No, I'm being serious. Thank you. This is what I'm saying. Like, we would freaking do big things for each other now.

You know what I'm saying? I was just going to say, I think that's what I've learned in nine years is like there are so many teeny tiny little things that, like, on a day-to-day don't matter. such as like who you're talking to and what you're looking at on social media and all these things

but in the grand scheme of things over time is it worth causing you any discomfort my husband our marriage no and that has become easy in nine years thank you you're welcome i'll give you an example okay i was facetiming someone the other day and there was this

i kept seeing this like viral i don't know people were talking about what's his name who irwin McManus no the Steve Irwin's son oh yeah um Chandler no i don't know his name kept popping up like there was this sexy thing whatever and I had asked this person on FaceTime I was like what is this all about and she's like let me just show you so it doesn't show up in your feed like let me show you over FaceTime and I literally stopped her I was like no I don't need to see it I don't want to see it that's a line I don't need to cross I have no desire to see it but just I had no idea what this name was about but it's those little things it's like what is the point and what is the game that's not honoring you Thank you. Does that make... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Makes sense? Yeah.

Someone positioned marriage and described marriage in a way that I'd never heard before, and they said, I am a witness to your life as your husband. And that struck me deeply. Like, I'm front row to everything. and you're front row to me and there's no one else that's front row to me

so if you don't know me then who does and if you're going to show up and continue to be front row then I better like reciprocate that effort by welcoming you in to like allowing you to be a witness in my life and I'm not I'm not naturally inclined

to like share everything or talk about my emotions and how this made me feel Why that frustrated me? It's like, I'm kind of a, let's try to suck this up and it's going to be okay, we'll press through. But that description was like, you're my living journal, you know?

Like, you are my greatest legacy. You, my wife, are the person that, like, you're like my life. You know? And so if I'm not sharing, the things even if I know they're small road bumps or a small win then I'm not tapping into that and I'm not maximizing that relationship which is so precious and so rare in the best way possible and I want to like I want to honor you and I don't know like I don't know like I

I want to be with you and know you and to be fully known and fully loved and have you be fully known and fully loved. Kind of a profound thing. So, anyway, that's a tear. That's a solo tier right there. But you always want for your videos. Single, single tier.

I love you. I got you giggling. I love you. Nine years is fun. Can't wait for the next. 39 think about this think about it wow what a thing i saw on the instagram someone asked each other it was a married couple and said if you could take one thing away for me and vice versa what would it be one take one thing from you yeah um i would say any of those insecurities or thoughts that you have of like i'm not enough or whatever

like that's what i would take because i think that you are so fantastic and i think that pretty much the only barrier to that vision being reality is yourself doubt um but i'm not trying to be fru-frue here, but, like, God has made you to be this incredible creation. And don't think otherwise, though, that. That. I would say, I said this because I wanted to share mine, because it just, like, I don't say it eats at me, but I want to fix it for you so bad. you have this thing in your heart

and in your mind and in your brain that needs to be cut out and thrown into a fire and it's this belief it's kind of like you said of like you're not enough and you've always gotten lucky and you haven't actually deserved or you haven't actually earned

where you are in life like this imposter syndrome that self-deprecating side of you that like you think is so funny and I like this self-deprecating. And I want to kill it because you are the greatest most capable,

most able, most amazing human I've ever met in my entire life and everything that you have accomplished has been from like work and what God gave you. It had nothing to do with like luck

and had everything to do with who you are and I just I want you to be able to see that someday thank you I'm humbled because I think I as a man get caught up with

my shortcoming sometimes but you have been such a phenomenal cheerleader for me that has not allowed me to wallow and it's changed my life so thank you thank you baby I'm going to continue to be self-deprecating that I love it I'm going to continue to hate it okay last thing for us you know what maybe I should because of this conversation I should re-evaluate my bullheadedness to be self-sabricating if so aggravating to you anyway carry on how about this here's a compromise you can continue to do it as long as you don't believe it but I know as your wife it comes from a place of belief which bothers me other people

might think it's funny because they look at you and see like the most accomplished guy but I see it as like it it actually is fueled by something and I don't like that Okay. To close this out, I want to go three, three and three on a rapid fire. We can bounce back and forth. Three, just give me like split second or one sentence, snapshots into like three highs of the past nine years and three lows. there's been certain moments I think when we've found out we're pregnant the four times we have where that's not it

there's been like a handful of other times where just the raw unfiltered joy that I see on your face like your smile is just so full and you're like we're trembling with joy that's just amazing to see that. Here, I'm going to bounce. I'll go high, high, high, high, low, low, three times.

Hi, we had just flown to Oakland right after our wedding, literally the morning after our wedding. And you had had to practice or whatever. And I think it was that weekend, so like three days later, you and I were driving up to Napa Valley, we pulled off along the side of the road and bought cherries, like a bag of cherries or something. Half moon bay, that's where we're going. Half moon bay. And it just felt, it just felt like you and I and nothing else.

And it's truly one of my most favorite memories. Yeah, we were freezing freaking cold on that beach, though. Spoiler alert, Half Moon Bay in San Francisco, San Francisco beaches. are not warm it's so cold uh i think i don't even know if i'd call it a a low but when dad asked i just gained such a different depth of understanding what goodness means or love or love or God, like the fact that that was such a painful experience sad

but like meaningful there was there was a lot of fruit that came from that and there's a lot of precious

precious connection that came from that. So you still are very good. And you've been so thoughtful and present and walking through that with me that it's like that has been a net positive experience as insane as that is. you know, because of you and your faithfulness and God's faithfulness.

It's like, dang, that's crazy. It's crazy. Thank you. I don't think we were married yet. It was like while we were engaged. I'll never forget it. It was beautiful. Same thing.

Beautiful and sad. I remember FaceTiming you. I'd have been on Zoom back then. you're in the middle of training camp at the Chiefs and you were just having a mental breakdown. I remember that night. And it came from doubt and insecurities and fear in just all of these places that I know felt so big for you.

But from my perspective, they were so small because, like, you were so much bigger than that moment. And I just remember not being with you and not being able to, like, help you and wanting to take that away for you. Yeah. I remember that. Sitting in the middle of nowhere, St. Joseph, Missouri.

No shade, no shade. But I remember that. I was in the dorm room. Skyping. We were Skyping. Skype. Okay, one more height. It's hard for nine years.

there's like it's a bejillion there's like a million every day to see you dominate the call that we just had or um i think one of them i think comes to mind is like a when we were settling into our house and you were like calling shots or what was going to go where and like you were just in the zone and like operating for all cylinders it's just a high to see you and i get to see it every day which is why i'm thankful to work with you like to see you in the pocket like in the sweet spot of she knows what she wants she knows how to do it she's a great communicator she's doing it she's capable you're freaking infinitely capable and amazingly ambitious and that that that moment of like the or the movers and the organizers everybody doing the thing

and you quarterbacking it all was like just a fun fun thing to see okay a bajillion just like filtering through it but I think it was three years ago now two years ago your birthday pulling up seeing so many of your closest friends surprise you that was a tough time too for me it was this was after the fact so it's a long story but I felt like I had no friends you did because this was two weeks after your birthday all of your friends had been planning for months

this massive just like surprise appreciation thing for you and they couldn't line up dates she did a survivor night I have to say I have nothing to do it with it. If you're a parent who's tired of asking your kids to finish their vegetables at dinner and you've almost given up, we see you and we've been there, which is why Sean and I co-created

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Everything else was too sugary or didn't cover all of the nutritional bases, or it had vitamins, but our kids didn't like the taste. But our kids love Beam Kids. Try it for yourself with our discount. Beam Kids is available online at shopbeam.com slash couple things. And because you're a listener to our show, you can take advantage of our deal of up to 40% off plus two free gifts using code couple things.

That's shop, B-E-A-M dot com forward slash couple things and use code couple things for up to 40% off. Your friends did this for you. And so two weeks come and pass for your birthday. Like we did a celebration, but you felt like you were coming up short for your friends because your friends weren't coming out for you. And I remember you felt guilty about that,

but in the back of my mind I was like, just wait. And then two weeks later, all of your friends came out and supported you and like did this huge bass and my favorite part about it was at the very end because they know you so well you're going to cry oh maybe

you started this for them and they spearheaded it and started it for you they got in a big circle and they said okay in the true Andrew East fashion let's go around one by one and say our favorite thing about Andrew and hearing how they spoke of you as a

friend, I hope validates how wonderful of a human you are. And as a wife, it was so touching because I see it and I know you don't feel it. But they love you so much and you have impacted a lot of people's lives and it's really special to watch. What the heck, dude? We weren't about to, we weren't even about to do this little reflection. And you got me tearing up three times. Thank you.

I love you, baby. I really, really love you. And I'm just grateful to have you as a teammate. What a time it's been. All right. That's it. We'll sign off. Appreciate that.

I'm excited to spend the day with you. The anniversary. Here's the nine more. 39. Yeah. And then 39 pass those. all right hang dude you got me going