256 | Reflecting on 9 Years of Marriage
00:00What's up, everybody.Welcome back to a couple things.What's Sean and Andrew?Happy anniversary, babe.Happy anniversary.We made it.Today is our nine-year anniversary.That's right.
00:11We're going to be doing a marriage review nine years in.A marriage review?Just like an audit?No, that's the wrong way to put it, I guess.Yeah.Just reflecting.Okay.On the last nine years.
00:23Is that better?Yeah.We could do a review.Let's go through each year and do like a high-low.I was just looking at pictures.and it's been delightful.But yeah, let's roughly try to place high lows to each year.So 2016 is the year we got married.
00:39Yes.I would say, for me, let's go back to the wedding real quick, guys.Our wedding was magical.We were 24 years old, which is wild.We were babies.And we had this beautiful, rustic, farm-steadish wedding that wasperfectly catered to like who we were back then we each had eight i think groomsmen and bridesmaidswhich seems like a lot yeah we had 400 people the the groomsmen and bridesmaids were from all phases
01:17of life sean's athletic career my football my high school sean's high school friends we metafter school yeah kind of a fun smorgas board yeah it was it was wonderfulAnd we got married at, it's called Trinity View Farms now, but back then it didn't have a namebecause I don't think anybody had ever had a wedding there.But it was absolutely beautiful.And I just remember hearing after the fact that there was so much chaos that actuallyhappened that day, like there was a TMZ helicopter circling the venue the whole night.There's paparazzi in the bushes while Sean was getting ready.
01:57There's evidently like a wounded dog walking down.the aisle.What?A wounded,three-legged dog or something.Oh my gosh.Like a stray.But all I can remember was how smitten I was and how giddy and how in love I was with you.
02:17I remember I thought marriage was.What did I think marriage would be?I don't.I mean, I was a 24-year-old guy.and it felt uh very exciting to be married yeah but you don't understand the covenant or the severityof the promise that you're making the weight and there's obviously no other relationshipi'd had before that that was similar in any other sense whereas like you know you have siblingswhich you go through a lot of hard things with and a lot of good things with and you learn to
02:59together, your parents who kind of refine you and shape you.But marriage, like you're slogging through the thing together live for the first time.And I did not realize that.No.I think what I thought was I'm marrying my best friend, which I was, and I'm still your best friend.You are?but now I think I understand marriage to be more of a tender precious responsibility I don't know about you but like when I look at pictures and when I watch our wedding video which you guys can see it's on YouTube I can like I canlike put myself back there if that makes sense like I can feel what I was feeling and it just feels
04:01like I was you were my best friend and I was getting married but like that comfort and that knowingyou I know back then I felt like I did right I felt like I knew you and I felt like I knew you and I felt like I was socomfortable with you and you're my husband andyou're my best friend and my boyfriendat the time and the fiance and all this stuffbut it's like what I feelnowdoesn't even compare
04:35like I can't imaginedoes anybody get marriedfeeling this way nowthere's no wayyou can only attain thatam I making any sense? Yeah no there's more nuance tooI think I guess this playsoff what you're saying
04:49when we got engagedand what made me want to get engaged to youand date you is like,I put you on a pedestal.Yeah.Because I thought you were a great fit for me.Yeah. For me.Yeah. Same.
05:05And it's like, I put you on a pedestal.But now I understand that,like, we've heard each other now, you know, deeply.but even though that that hurt still carries pain with itthere is this really unique side effect of sticking through that togetherand realizing that you are not perfectand realizing that I'm not perfectin coming to terms with the fact that I have deeply hurt you
05:44how do I reconcile that in my mind how do I carry forward in lifelike knowing that in some ways you put me on a pedestal tooand I've just drastically let you down.So kind of reflecting on my own weaknessesand then still throughout that painand that discomfort, that whole process is really uncomfortablesaying we're pressing forwardand doing it holding hands.
06:15You know, we're doing it side by side.You can't replicate that.I think it's interesting also watching our wedding video and like hearing your vows.I think part of that going back to that moment and thinking about it, it's so pure and uncomplicated because of everything that you said.Like we, it's like it's the first hour and second of being married.We haven't heard each other as a married couple yet.We haven't let each other down.We haven't added the complexities of.
06:48jobs and finances and kids and like it's so you're and part of me feels like sad watching thatthinking like oh if only i could still like have not hurt you and have not added all thesecomplexities for you it would still be like that but then at the same time i i think back to likethe past nine years and I'm like if it weren't for those complexities yeah I wouldn't value youand respect you and want to serve you as deeply as I do now yeah so it's it's so interestingthe the collateral and the carnage that happens is like I think we've viewed that lessis something like a shugut that's going to drop and oh no yeah i hope like let's let's try tohide this or prevent it from happening yeah which we still did like yeah we are still aspiring
07:55and striving but there's no hiding it's more of like a no we're expecting this to be a part of theprocess and now we know how to we know how to cope with it and navigate through it i equateit i don't know why i'm just like i have all these things in my brainyou know when we were getting ready to have Drewso I'm pregnant with Drew our first babyand they ask you to write out your birth planlike this is what I want this is what I expectthis is what's going to happen this is how I'm going to raise her
08:28this is how we're going to do the parenting thingbut then you have a kid and life goesevery possible which different wayand she's her own little humanand you find yourself laughing at the plan you hadbecause it's like, it just doesn't work out that way.It was pointless and it was worse, you know?Drew was way better in real life than she was on paper.
08:52But I equate that to like, going back to like premarital counselingwhen people are like, oh, what can't happen in your relationship?And like, what are you, like, you paint this picture of like your marriageand you're forecasting everything that could possibly happenand you're like oh well if he says this I'm outor if this happens in our marriage we're just not going to get through itor it like you start doing the same thingyou start planning our life is going to look like this
09:25and it's like no it's hilariousbecause now instead of writing our lists it's like noYou know?I'm in this sucker.Yeah, you're not choosing...You're not getting out of it.You're not choosing the basket of qualities or things that you can or can't have.You're choosing the person.
09:48And I was just thinking about the different milestones that we've shared, the kids,the moves that we've had, the different homes we've lived in, the different cities,the different jobs we've had, different friend groups we've interacted with,all this stuff that, like, are kind of buckling.I want to play in the NFL or I want to live in Los Angeles and then the constant through itall is you and that is beautiful because in some ways it's the thing I have the most control overlike it's it is a choice I can stick with you through this all but in in other ways it's likethe most intimidating and the most vulnerable and the scary it takes the most
10:36most hard like ambiguous intangible work of like why why is this why are we not viving right nowor this week or for this four months after we've had this kid the postpartum period it's three hoursago we weren't vibing uh i think uh all right what expectations did you have on our wedding daythat you were right about um i'll say this my expectationson our wedding day.The man I stood in front ofat the altaron our wedding day
11:12was a 24-year-old kidwhoI sawI saw justI'm afraid to use this wordbecause I don't want you to take it out of context.Potential?No, no, no.
11:32Don't take it out of context.You're not heard my feelings.I meant it.in the sense of like, every quality you hadgave you the potential as a 24-year-old kidto be the 33-year-old manand father and husband and leader you are for our familythat I saw on you at 24.
11:57Does that make sense?No, I appreciate that.So, like, the potential wasn't what job or career,like, but your family and what you say,stood for and who you were at 24 as like a a college football player stereotypically righteverything I saw I don't want to say like was right but it was right and more likeit's wild because it it it wasn't a guarantee it wasn't it didn't have to be that waybut you kind of forced that into reality a little bit.
12:36super interesting like I but you did the same thing for me yeah everything you saw in me that I wasso terrified to show the world and like embrace of who I was I like dimmed for everyone and I've gottento become more me yeah yeah because of you I would never have been that person I would havehid behind every guard that I had put up for the rest of my life I think I think that is abeautiful fruit of marriage i think i was right about marriage being with my best friend i was rightabout that so fun i was just in moab for two nights away from shan i felt like a fish out of waterout of there i was like this is dumb like first of all no it was an epic trip but without you it's likefor what sitting under seeing this red moon beautiful stars the red rocks it's unmatchable but it is
13:43all so disposable if you are not a part of it so i was right about that um when one questionwe have is when have we felt most like a team i've been thinking a lot a lot about this i usedto love listening to all these old like cheesy motivational like football videos onYouTube and I'm back at it now during like a 10 year hiatus and I love them they'reall like do our things and that's where you bond like that's when you find somethingabout yourself and others that's freaking true and it's like when I when I think about myanswer to the question of when we felt most like a team it's like okay team issupporting each other a team is learning from each other a team is helping
14:29that comes out most when we had our miscarriage.And the support and help that we gave each other was not,it's not as clear, clean as like a football teammate.But we were.And it's not pretty.No, it's not pretty.It's imperfect.But we've learned how to do that better,
14:53even though we stumbled through the first couple.I think about the stresses that we've each.individually gone throughsome of your friendsand how to navigate thatwith some of myartificially constructed problemsbut that's when I felt
15:16most like a team like oh my goshthis chick's got my backshe's my frickin ride or diewe say that a lotI ride or dieit's awesomeI think I have felt moreand more like a team every year
15:27if that makes sense.So I feel like we are the strongest we've ever been this year.And I think it'll be stronger next year somehow.We talked about last year being the hardest year on our marriage.Did you feel like a team then?I did because neither of us quit.But it didn't feel good.It didn't feel good.
15:54It didn't feel good at all.But you and I both said because it doesn't feel goodand because I'm your teammate,we got to fix it.Does that make sense?So I think because of that, we both felt like a team.We both willingly showed up to counselingand we both willingly continued to go every week
16:18and we both actively worked on it.So I do think in some way we felt,I still felt like a strong teambecause I didn't feel like we were giving up.I agree.There's a little more resolve than like.Some people talk about there being like three parties in a marriage.You have like the marriage itself and then you have spouse one spouse two.
16:46And it's like in that Senate last year it felt like the other spouse.wasanatheticaland creating frictionfor the marriageand it was likeno no we have tookay
17:03we're gonnawe're gonna prioritizeas a marriagethat third thingthat likekind of unlockedthis routeand avenue
17:13to make it throughthe hard timebutokay what's somethingwe learn the hard waymy first thing this is crazy because it's like this old man joke but first thing that comesin mind is I think I've learned the hard way that you are often right yep in the sense thatI'm like a bowl and a china shop I have one perspective I only see I only see it my way
17:46I'm not saying you're rightLike we always go with your suggestionsOr like your word is gospelI'm saying you're right in the sense thatFrick there's anotherThere's another view on thisThat I can't seeYeah
18:03That you're presentingAnd that goes back to the teammate thingWhere it's like dangI'm glad I have that different perspectiveI think the first thing that came to mindWasI do think because we were so youngwe both, you know, set our vows and signed off on our marriage.
18:21So I don't want to say blindly, but in the sense of like,it's all butterflies and roses, you know.And I think something I learned the hard way that our wedding day was not a finish line.I think I approached our wedding day like a finish line to where it was like, oh, we did it.We're married.And I think we witnessed that in our first year with how hard it was traveling and like with what we prioritized and just how our life looked.I didn't actively go into our marriage saying like I need to court my husband every single day like you think of when you're dating.and so we had to, like, grow back from our first year.
19:20Oh, but I'm absolutely glad it was part of our journey, you know?I agree, but I'm saying, like, I learned that the hard way.Yeah.And I think had I had a different perspective maybe, I don't know.Learning things the hard way sometimes is necessary.Yeah.Talk about how conflict has evolved over nine years.I think about this
19:44This goes back to kind of what I was sayingAbout what I've learned the hard wayI'm being rightI have more of an understandingThat the conflict leads to compromiseI used to I'm still kind ofConflict avoidantYou know
19:59I don't like itIt's not comfortableI think my perspective on itHas changed from oh noI don't get to do things my way anymoreI don't get to go playgolf with the boys or I don'tgoing to take this trip or I don't get to have
20:15the free time that I wantand I see our conflict more asokay Sean has a different perspectiveshe'sthis conflict is herintroducing that different perspectiveso that we can lead to a betteroutcome because me playing up with the boys
20:33actually undermines my priorities ofwanting to be with the kidsor whatever it isyou know she's she's actuallyunlocking an ability to accomplish our goals in a way that my siloed individual perspective cannot.And I mentioned how in Genesis it says God sent Adam, like Adam and Eve, a help meet is one interpretation of the word.Beneficial adversary.And one interpretation of that is a beneficial adversary.
21:13And it's like, I honestly think about that all the time now.I did not feel, I felt a lot of adversary for the first seven years of our marriage.Not a lot of, mostly, mostly.But now I see like, oh my gosh, this is so beneficial, you know?Like this conflict is making us better at the outcomes and the decisions that we make together as a team.when we welcome each other's perspectivethrough conflictnot the first like
21:42seven months like the first sevenyearsbut it doesn't likeovershadow it but how often we're having conflictit's not like the vast majority of our timeI'm just sayingbut it's like dude it's better this waythat's how
21:57I like that I would saywith conflictsomething I've learned over the yearshas it progressedit's just constantly evolvingand changing andlife throwscurve balls at you and you change
22:09based off of what's happened.I mean, you and I becamedifferent people even after like daddied and like our family dynamicschanged and just likelearning how to communicateand learningconflict with your spouse
22:24is ever changing.Yeah. I'm constantlytrying to do it better.Yeah.how has our relationship matured or how has our relationship matured or how has each other maturedthe first thing that comes in mind for me is like I think we've come to terms withboundaries or the idea that everything has a cost yeah and we used to be peoplepleasers we used to be immature in the sense that like we didn't have priorities that we would
23:03sacrifice other things for and inevitably that sacrifice is painful but i was i was just thinking likedang yesterday i hurt some people's feelings because i was like i got i i need to be home for ouranniversary i and same we had i had an event tonight a paying event um that i had blindly said yes to it was agreat opportunity and didn't realize untilthree days ago that it was on our anniversarynight. Andthat's literally our only nightthis week to be able to like celebrate. And I said
23:37you know what? It isn't a boundary I cancross. My number one priority is myhusband. I have to cancelit. Anddoes that jeopardize business?Maybe.But you know what? At the end of the dayI cannot value business
23:53more than our marriage.In the second that I allow something like that to happen,it's the whole likehow they say it at churchlike the devil doesn't just come knocking on your doorand say I'm here I'm gonna take overlike it's like tiny little things every single daythat allows a little bit more
24:11and a little bit more and a little bit moreuntil you look back six months laterand you're like how did it how did this happenif you only take away one thing we say todayplease let it be that you deserve a good night of sleepin fact you deserve multiple good nights of sleepfor the rest of your life and that's possiblewith the help of a hand-selected pillow from Lagoon.
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25:22So go ahead and take that quiz today and see what pillow it suggests.Head to LagoonSleep.com slash EastFam and use code EastFam for 15% off your first order.It is so worth it, you guys.Try it out.Yeah, it's interesting because, like, I'm kind of, I'm good with you doing the event, right?I know.It's not like you need it to not go, but it's, it's, and people say, do it for the principle of the thing, you know?It's the principle.
25:49It is.And I'm the same way.Like, you know, we have said that we're.We're not like big gift givers for our anniversary.We don't go over the top.It's not like a big thing.But we're together.But we're together.
26:03And if you were to have asked me for like an event or whatever, can we do it tomorrow?Yeah.Great.I don't care.But since it was my active decision, I had to ask myself, is this event more important?And I was like, no.And I need to be able to brush that off.And if you find yourself in it and a place,
26:25where you can't brush it off,then you should probably look at something else.Like, look internal.You don't have got me crying.No, I'm being serious. Thank you.This is what I'm saying.Like, we would freakingdo big things for each other now.
26:42You know what I'm saying?I was just going to say,I think that's what I've learned in nine yearsis like there are so many teeny tiny little thingsthat, like, on a day-to-day don't matter.such as like who you're talking toand what you're looking at on social mediaand all these things
27:03but in the grand scheme of things over timeis it worth causing youany discomfortmy husband our marriagenoand that has become easy in nine yearsthank youyou're welcome i'll give you an example okay i was facetiming someone the other day and there was this
27:33i kept seeing this like viral i don't know people were talking about what's his name whoirwin McManus no the Steve Irwin's son oh yeah um Chandler no i don't know his name kept popping uplike there was this sexy thing whatever and I had asked this person on FaceTime I was like what is this all about and she's like let me just show you so it doesn't show up in your feed like let me show you over FaceTime and I literally stopped her I was like no I don't need to see it I don't want to see it that's a line I don't need to cross I have no desire to see it but just I had no idea what this name was about but it's those little things it's like what is the point and what is the game that's not honoring youThank you.Does that make...Yeah, yeah, yeah.Makes sense?Yeah.
28:31Someone positioned marriage and described marriagein a way that I'd never heard before,and they said,I am a witness to your life as your husband.And that struck me deeply.Like, I'm front row to everything.and you're front row to meand there's no one else that's front row to me
28:57so if you don't know me then who doesand if you're going to show upand continue to be front rowthen I better like reciprocate that effortby welcoming you in to likeallowing you to be a witness in my lifeand I'm notI'm not naturally inclined
29:16to like share everythingor talk about my emotionsand how this made me feelWhy that frustrated me?It's like, I'm kind of a, let's try to suck this upand it's going to be okay, we'll press through.But that description was like,you're my living journal, you know?
29:34Like, you are my greatest legacy.You, my wife, are the person that, like,you're like my life.You know?And so if I'm not sharing,the things even if I know they're small road bumps or a small win then I'm not tapping into thatand I'm not maximizing that relationship which is so precious and so rare in the best way possibleand I want to like I want to honor you and I don't know like I don't know like I
30:22I want to be with you and know youand to be fully known and fully lovedand have you be fully known and fully loved.Kind of a profound thing.So, anyway, that's a tear.That's a solo tier right there.But you always want for your videos.Single, single tier.
30:44I love you.I got you giggling.I love you.Nine years is fun.Can't wait for the next.39 think about this think about it wow what a thing i saw on the instagram someone asked each other it was amarried couple and said if you could take one thing away for me and vice versa what would it be one take one thing from you yeahum i would say any of those insecurities or thoughts that you have of like i'm not enough or whatever
31:34like that's what i would take because i think that you are so fantastic and i think that pretty muchthe only barrier to that vision being reality is yourself doubt um but i'm not trying to befru-frue here, but, like, God has made you to be this incredible creation.And don't think otherwise, though, that.That.I would say, I said this because I wanted to share mine, because it just, like, I don'tsay it eats at me, but I want to fix it for you so bad.you have this thing in your heart
32:25and in your mind and in your brainthat needs to be cut out and thrown into a fireand it's this beliefit's kind of like you saidof like you're not enoughand you've always gotten luckyand you haven't actually deservedor you haven't actually earned
32:47where you are in lifelike this imposter syndromethat self-deprecating side of youthat like you think is so funnyand I like this self-deprecating.And I want to kill itbecause you are the greatestmost capable,
33:05most able, most amazing humanI've ever met in my entire lifeand everythingthat you have accomplishedhas been from likework and what God gave you.It had nothing to do withlike luck
33:21and had everything to do with who you areand I just I want you to be able to see thatsomedaythank youI'm humbledbecause I thinkI as a manget caught up with
33:42my shortcoming sometimesbut you have been such a phenomenal cheerleader for me that has not allowed me to wallowand it's changed my life so thank you thank you baby I'm going to continue to beself-deprecating that I love it I'm going to continue to hate it okay last thing for usyou know what maybe I should because of this conversation I should re-evaluate mybullheadedness to be self-sabricating if so aggravating to you anyway carry on how aboutthis here's a compromise you can continue to do it as long as you don't believe itbut I know as your wife it comes from a place of belief which bothers me other people
34:32might think it's funny because they look at you and see like the most accomplished guybut I see it as like it it actually is fueled by something and I don't like thatOkay. To close this out, I want to go three, three and three on a rapid fire.We can bounce back and forth. Three, just give me like split second or one sentence, snapshots into like three highs of the past nine years and three lows.there's been certain momentsI think when we've found out we're pregnantthe four times we havewhere that's not it
35:19there's been like a handful of other timeswhere just the raw unfiltered joythat I see on your facelike your smile is just so fulland you're like we're trembling with joythat's just amazing to see that.Here, I'm going to bounce.I'll go high, high, high, high, low, low, three times.
35:44Hi, we had just flown to Oakland right after our wedding, literally the morning after our wedding.And you had had to practice or whatever.And I think it was that weekend, so like three days later, you and I were driving upto Napa Valley, we pulled off along the side of the road and bought cherries,like a bag of cherries or something.Half moon bay, that's where we're going.Half moon bay.And it just felt, it just felt like you and I and nothing else.
36:23And it's truly one of my most favorite memories.Yeah, we were freezing freaking cold on that beach, though.Spoiler alert, Half Moon Bay in San Francisco, San Francisco beaches.are not warm it's so cold uh i think i don't even know if i'd call it a a low but when dad askedi just gained such a different depth of understanding what goodness means or love or love orGod, likethe fact that that was such a painful experiencesad
37:12butlikemeaningfulthere wasthere wasa lot of fruit that came from thatand there's a lot ofprecious
37:30preciousconnection that came from that.So you still are very good.And you've been so thoughtful and presentand walking through that with methat it's like that has been a net positive experienceas insane as that is.you know, because of you and your faithfulness and God's faithfulness.
38:06It's like, dang, that's crazy.It's crazy.Thank you.I don't think we were married yet.It was like while we were engaged.I'll never forget it.It was beautiful.Same thing.
38:22Beautiful and sad.I remember FaceTiming you.I'd have been on Zoom back then.you're in the middle of training camp at the Chiefsand you were just having a mental breakdown.I remember that night.And it came from doubt and insecurities and fearin just all of these places that I know felt so big for you.
38:54But from my perspective, they were so smallbecause, like, you were so much bigger than that moment.And I just remember not being with youand not being able to, like, help youand wanting to take that away for you.Yeah.I remember that.Sitting in the middle of nowhere, St. Joseph, Missouri.
39:11No shade, no shade.But I remember that.I was in the dorm room.Skyping.We were Skyping.Skype.Okay, one more height.It's hard for nine years.
39:26there's like it's a bejillion there's like a million every day to see you dominate the call that we just had or um i think one of themi think comes to mind is like a when we were settling into our house and you were like calling shots orwhat was going to go where and like you were just in the zone and like operating for all cylindersit's just a high to see you and i get to see it every day which is why i'm thankful to work with youlike to see you in the pocket like in the sweet spot of she knows what she wants she knows howto do it she's a great communicator she's doing it she's capable you're freakinginfinitely capable and amazingly ambitious and that thatthat moment of like the or the movers and the organizers everybody doing the thing
40:32and you quarterbacking it all was like just a fun fun thing to see okay a bajillionjust like filtering through it but I think it was three years ago now two years agoyour birthday pulling up seeing so many of your closest friends surprise youthat was a tough time too for me it wasthis was after the fact so it's a long story butI felt like I had no friendsyou did because this was two weeks after your birthdayall of your friends had been planning for months
41:13this massivejust like surprise appreciation thing for youand they couldn't line up datesshe did a survivornightI have to say I have nothing to do itwith it. If you're a parent who's tired of asking your kids to finish their vegetables at dinner andyou've almost given up, we see you and we've been there, which is why Sean and I co-created
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42:07Everything else was too sugary or didn't cover all of the nutritional bases,or it had vitamins, but our kids didn't like the taste.But our kids love Beam Kids.Try it for yourself with our discount.Beam Kids is available online at shopbeam.com slash couple things.And because you're a listener to our show,you can take advantage of our deal of up to 40% offplus two free gifts using code couple things.
42:31That's shop, B-E-A-M dot com forward slash couple thingsand use code couple things for up to 40% off.Your friends did this for you.And so two weeks come and pass for your birthday.Like we did a celebration,but you felt like you were coming up short for your friendsbecause your friends weren't coming out for you.And I remember you felt guilty about that,
42:52but in the back of my mind I was like, just wait.And then two weeks later,all of your friends came out and supported youand like did this huge bassand my favorite part about it was at the very endbecause they know you so wellyou're going to cryoh maybe
43:06you started this for themand they spearheaded it and started it for youthey got in a big circle and they said okayin the true Andrew East fashionlet's go around one by oneand say our favorite thing about Andrewand hearinghow they spoke of you as a
43:25friend, I hope validates how wonderful of a human you are.And as a wife, it was so touching because I see it and I know you don't feel it.But they love you so much and you have impacted a lot of people's lives and it's reallyspecial to watch.What the heck, dude?We weren't about to, we weren't even about to do this little reflection.And you got me tearing up three times.Thank you.
44:02I love you, baby.I really, really love you.And I'm just grateful to have you as a teammate.What a time it's been.All right.That's it.We'll sign off.Appreciate that.
44:14I'm excited to spend the day with you.The anniversary.Here's the nine more.39.Yeah.And then 39 pass those.all right hang dude you got me going
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