Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 257 | Parenting Advice from Grandparents You Didn't Know You Needed

Episode Date: April 23, 2025

There’s so much we can learn from the older (and wiser) generation of grandparents! Today we thought we’d tap into that wealth of knowledge by asking grandparents to send in their best life advice and sharing them on the podcast! It was so sweet to read advice from people who have already gone through the season we’re in now and we were reminded of what’s most important in life. We hope this episode makes you happy like it did for us 🙂 Love you guys! Shawn and Andrew Want the best pillow ever? Go to https://LagoonSleep.com/EASTFAM and take their awesome 2 minute sleep quiz to find your match.  Use code EASTFAM for 15% off first purchase Get the most beautiful glass prints at FRACTURE! Check out https://fractureme.com/ and use our code COUPLE25 for 25% off your first order!  Beam Kids is now available online at https://www.shopbeam.com/COUPLETHINGS Take advantage of our exclusive discount of up to 40% off using code COUPLETHINGS Follow our podcast Instagram  ▶ https://www.instagram.com/shawnandandrewpods/ Subscribe to our newsletter  ▶ https://www.familymade.com/newsletter Follow My Instagram ▶ https://www.instagram.com/ShawnJohnson Follow My Tik Tok ▶ https://www.tiktok.com/@shawnjohnson Shop My LTK Page ▶ https://www.shopltk.com/explore/shawnjohnson  Like the Facebook page! ▶ https://www.facebook.com/ShawnJohnson Follow Andrew’s Instagram ▶ https://www.instagram.com/AndrewDEast Andrew’s Tik Tok ▶ https://www.tiktok.com/@andrewdeast?lang=en Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up, everybody? Welcome back to a couple things. With Sean and Andrew. Today's a fun one. Life advice from grandparents. We have social media for all the advice that grandparents out there had to share. And we included 22 submissions here. And we could do a part two if you want because we got more than that. But these are really fun from our audience, people who maybe share our style, right? And are further on down the line.

What I've realized is people call us lifestyle creation. or influencers, which is, I mean, the fact that we still do this is hilarious to me and a little intimidating. I am honored. And we do take it with responsibility. But what I've realized is our style is not everybody's style, you know, and that's okay. Agreed. Totally fine. But these people, this advice is from people who might share our style. Or might not, but have wisdom for us to share. That's right. We're going to go through these. But first, I want to talk about the featured comment of today. Vanessa 4-2-3-6 says, oh my gosh, I love the wedding crashing idea. I would have loved that. As weird as this sounds, I seriously think we would be great friends

if we lived in Nashville or if we ever met in person. I'm married to my wonderful husband of 10 years, but 100% whenever we have a baby, I will send you an invite. And if you're available and you can make it, come on over and celebrate with us all. We will have a co-ed baby gender reveal and it will be a fun party with lots of dancing and 100% celebration after so long. Ha-ha. Seriously, we enjoy your podcast so much. Thanks for all you put out there. y'all are so relatable thank you vanessa we did uh we did start accepting any and all wedding invitations yeah and we've started sending out wedding gifts on like a weekly basis yes it's a lot of fun fun uh do you have any life updates had this dog the dog he's the best he is i'm gonna

this isn't just like an excuse to say something you know whatever he is the best dog truly he is so much fun he is so sweet he loves our children he fits perfectly into our family it's amazing honestly we are being humbled by we forgot about the puppy face so like i caught him in the backyard today shredding like literally shredding to shreds our hammock and then we have shoes that have gone missing yeah it's he's deceiving because like he's so well trained and he's like kind of through the super beginning puppy phase that you're like oh he's just so well-mannered and then you're like psych you're a puppy yeah and he gets the zoomies which are so fun he just is sprinting laps around the pool he loves being outside it's funny because the kids really have taken ownership over him they

love him it is hilarious though jet does not remember his name ever cooper he does not remember his name he calls it cooper even i was like i was like jet do you like the new dog He was like, yeah, what's his name? And then I was on the phone with my mom, and she was asking about the dog, and she said, what's his name again? And Chet said, Dad, can you whisper it to me? What? It's so funny, dude. We need to have him repeat it like 10 times.

Yeah, I agree. But life is good. Nashville is in spring in its finest. Flowers are budding. Is that right? Flowers are blooming? How am I saying? They're more so budding.

Budding. And it's beautifully great. Well, it is flowers are blooming, but they are budding. Flowers are in bloom, and it's beautifully green here in Nashville. But we're excited for today's episode, because we've been talking a lot lately about how grandparents are an amazing source of wisdom. And it led us to the idea of doing this episode where we're going to learn from grandparents out there who might listen to this podcast. So, yeah, we shared this on our podcast Instagram. Speaking of dogs, too, the dog Instagram is back in full force.

Wow. Pumped about that. So that's the East Dog. The podcast channel is Sean and Andrew Pods. Wait, we need to change the East Dog to East Dogs. I agree. I agree.

We have a lot of Instagram handles. Too many. I agree. Anyway. The kids' ones are kind of retired. We were. Yeah, for sure. Yeah.

Yes. They went bye-bye. Well, we only did that for a short amount of time. And if they want to use them themselves later on, we can talk about it. But they're done for. Yes. Anyway, we were humbled to see the amount of replies of life advice from grandparents that were sitting in. We also asked a survey. We also asked on the survey for you to

send in things you would love to have done differently as a parent and ask what keeps a marriage strong after so many years. So we definitely want to do a part two and share those insights with you all. But if you're a grandparent out there and you listen to our podcast or follow along with us, we just want to say thank you. We love that our online community is made up of people of all different age groups. I feel like our following is really unique. Many thanks to you just because some people found you through gymnastics which tends to be a younger demographic some people found you through dancing with the stars

which tends to be an older demographic and we've also heard some stories of grandparents who follow along with us as something fun to talk about with their kids I met a couple grandparents at the airport who were like oh I listen to your podcast and I'm really excited to get beam kids for my grandchildren and I was like oh my gosh

I had no idea I wanted to share some research I found that was interesting. So studies suggest that grandparents who spend time with their grandchildren may experience improved well-being and potentially live longer. I get that. We first came across this in a book called The Body by Bill Bryson, who was talking about the telomeres and the cells. It's like this cellular thing that your cells are baked in with a certain length telomere. And as you age, the telomeres shorten. but they say studies show that

when grandparents spend time with younger kids the telomeres stop the shortening process which is wild which means that they might delay aging just fascinating I do think to me my takeaway is community is really good and like having a generational family

is really good and activity yes like having grandparents chase around babies dude what are they ever going to do that. Right. So the relationship appears to be mutually beneficial as well, enhancing

both the grandparents and the grandchildren's lives in ways such as, one, longevity benefits. A study published in the journey of evolution and human behavior in 2017 found that grandparents provide occasional care for their grandchildren and have a 37% lower risk of mortality over a 20-year period.

Wow. Second way it helps, you can take this one. Emotional health. Spending time with grandchildren can boost a sense of purpose and reduced feelings of loneliness, both of which are linked to better overall health and longevity. Another one is physical health, like we were saying, physical activity and mental engagement during play, and caregiving can improve cognitive function and keep grandparents active. The fourth of five benefits is reduced risk of depression. A 2014 study found that close emotional bonds between grandparents and grandchildren were

associated with reduced symptoms of depression for both parties all the time. And last one is stress management. Moderate caregiving helps reduce stress, which is linked to lower blood pressure, improved cardiovascular health, and stronger immune system. Nuts. That's nuts.

That is nuts. The power of community, huh? And relationships. Also, it should go without saying, like, if your kids don't have grandparents, that's okay. Yeah. This is strictly for just, like, statistics.

Right. But get them around different types of people. Yeah. so also it should be noted that the studies do note that the quality of relationship matters so positive loving interactions are what drive these health benefits the best and I just think that's really cool I think that's kind of like how we were made agreed for relationship without further ado though let's get into some advice and then from grandparents some of you all sent these in you take the first one Diane

grow with your grandchildren share experiences through growing years get on the floor with them go outside listen to them and let them express their ideas and fears pray with them let them see you as a person with other people and be present I like that a lot it's very sweet

I was thinking that today I was debating on whether to take the kids to school on the bike today and I was like I could probably work on this or it would be nice to just have some quiet time to myself or whatever. And I was like, no, this is it. Like, it's right when I'm at the point of discomfort or, like, wanting to pull away that I should press in.

I know. I need to get better about that. We've talked about this. Yeah. I have always said since I was an only child, my idea of play was a lot different because I was around so many adults. They're, like, learning to, like, get on the floor and get on my hands and knees with my kids is,

for lack of a better word like a challenge it's a new thing that i'm learning yeah and i just want to get better and better at it you're doing great thank you i also like it's kind of a concept of include the kids in your world yeah and let them get to know your friends the people that mean something to you let them see you at work things like that i like that yeah next beth it takes a village don't hesitate to ask the those older than you their thoughts or ask for help when needed yet have healthy boundaries. I like this a lot too. Yeah.

We talk about this with the postpartum. It's like, you know, be willing to ask for help. I will say it is different. We live in a generation that is different than our parents, where our parents came from a generation of not asking for help and not advocating for like a close circle or a community. And I feel like there's been a break in that generation to ours to where ours encourages more of this like, you know, therapy, community, like all of this stuff. So I do think it's easier said than done and it takes like an active step.

It's not just like a common occurrence. Yeah. But just remember that I think people interpret, hey, it takes a village to raise a kid as like, oh, the mom needs help or the dad needs help. But and the village helping them will benefit. the parent but it also benefits the village it's like kids are good for everybody so include them as as you let other people help them everybody wins um a lot of these are actually uh advice written to grandparents as well so know that when we start going through some of the next ones marge says don't expect your children to raise their children the way you raise to them

And it will be okay. Help if you are able. Which is really maybe a good thing. Like when I think of generation to generation passing the baton in a relay race, like things should be pruned out and things should be amplified and that results in a different style. Well, it also comes with the world looks different. Yeah, in the context. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. All right, this one's no name. Well, keep it anonymous. Constantly and consistently, honor your parents and grandparents in front of your kids. Talk about what they taught you spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Share phrases that they say or said,

and love is handed down generation to generation by the repeated stories we tell. Find out your parents and grandparents' favorites, Bible verses, and help your children memorize them. What's written on our hearts will carry us through anything. Wow. That was amazing. I love that. Love that.

It's actually interesting, something that I haven't thought about. We talk about this a lot of, we were told in premarital counseling, like, never speak poorly about your spouse in front of other people. And we say that now, like, in front of our kids. I do not ever believe in, like, venting to your kids about their father or your husband or vice versa. but to keep that consistent with like all family to make sure they're not overhearing like you had an argument or you know always honor those above you and within your circle we were just talking about I was thinking about this when I was writing the eulogy for my dad like the stories you remember and how those stories occurred really makes a massive difference so amplify the the ones that are good honoring um Also, there's a super fascinating article, I think it was in the Huffington Post that talked about the 22 questions, that if a person knows the answer to the 22 questions and they're all family related, how did your parents meet, what happened on the day of your birth, et cetera, et cetera, that there's all these positive life correlations in regards to like earnings and education and lower crime rates, et cetera, just because it's a reflection of having that family community around you.

you so I think she wrote that perfectly yeah next Tina this is two grandparents treat all grandkids equally they know trust me I'm for this I'm for this this should go into parenting as well yes no favorites ever don't even allow yourself to like in your mind be like well this is my favorite i'll just never say it no you just like it's not an option i think though equal standards different styles for sure right because the needs of the kid will be different love them equally by investing as much effort into each of them uniquely yeah jill do not buy your grandkids big big gifts spend more time creating memories an example is for christmas we do not buy gifts take them to sporting events will help them learn to ski, take them at Disneyland, local jump park,

hike a national park, take camping trips, go ice skating, whatever. I love that. I love that. Those are the stories. We talked about stories. Yeah. The stories related to gifts, I think they kind of exist, but way less depth than the experiences and stories from being together.

Agreed. Christine, you know that feeling when you capture the perfect moment and you keep revisiting it in your camera roll? For me, it's a picture of our daughter Drew with our new puppy just smiling, looking so happy. Or it's the picture of all of our kids literally cuddling on the couch for the first time as like siblings. I love that picture. It's the background of my phone. I love both of those.

But here's the thing. Every time we looked back at it, we were zooming in, scrolling just to see the details. That's not how you revisit your favorite moment. A photo like that shouldn't be buried in the camera roll, so we printed it with fracture. And these photos are seriously amazing. They're beautifully printed directly on glass. And best of all, they're ready to hang straight out of the box. If you're like us, you probably have thousands of photos on your phone.

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color is vivid. It is beautiful. They're awesome prints. Check it out. FractureMe.com. Next, Brandy says, gentle parenting seems like a fabulous idea and parts of it are, but preparing children for life that isn't gentle should be incorporated. Life isn't always fair, equal, blessed, or euphoric. There has to be a middle ground. I agree. Gentle parenting, for those who don't know, it's like a lack of disciplinary action and it's more of a oh hey I see you made that bad choice why are you feeling it's over indexing

the emotional side of things rather than just like painting hey this is right and this is wrong black and white discipline looks different but it should be present I think which I would say we do what Brandy said

we mix both it's a lot of communication of like why and how but then also very clear boundary lines of like we don't do this and Here's why. Yeah.

I think teaching a kid a framework for right and wrong or the understanding of right and wrong is important. And whether they agree with it or not or change it when they get older or not, still it trains them to know right or wrong. Terry, forget the tidy up. Clicay, but spend time with your children. And don't skip pages during bedtime story just to get away. You'll miss it. Dang. That hits.

I have had the thought is something that you and I to talk about but like a lot of times our nighttime routine gets dragged out whether it's like

through play or through you know whatever we will stretch it out as long as possible and then all of a sudden it's like okay we gotta go to bed

and I have a goal of when we get into our even though we've probably read stories and books already when we get into bed we read a book every night yeah I've been I've been working on them

myself yeah I like that goal deal but it's hard because you do you find yourself as a parent at the end of the night being like okay we already we're already 30 minutes like over bed time yeah let's just go to bed yeah and you're like all right we've been hanging all day yeah this needs to end yeah let me rush this process but bedtime is special because it's uh the kids are just in a different phase during that time of the day yeah maybe more playful maybe more cuddly whatever it's just a unique day. So I would like to relish that a little more. Kim says travel near and far, take the children and explore. The money will come and go, but the travel memories last forever. Amen. We just read this book called Die Was Zero. And it's all about the emotional returns that you

get on something, the emotional deposits. And so if we take a trip right now, we will be able to, make emotional withdraws from that memory for the rest of our life. So if we live to 93, we'll have 60 years of positive emotional withdrawals from the trip we took when we were 33, as opposed to saying, oh, we shouldn't take this because we're saving up, and now maybe we take the trip at 73, and we only have 20 years of emotional withdrawal before 93. obviously we're advocates of financial stewardship but traveling is not necessary i do think it's an interesting format to break routine and to spend intense focused intentional time with kids that's

what it's been for us great is like you're out of the home routine you're out of going to see the neighbors or going to school or whatever you're together i think i would take a step further on my side and I would say I would highly advocate for this but not everyone's going to be able to travel I agree I think it's more just like the adventure side of like go on a camping go camping or

get out of your routine like you said yeah but I just notice how often our kids talk about it yeah yeah Danelle don't always give advice on your children don't always give advice on how your children should be raising their children

encouraging them and always remembering to tell them how proud we are of them for raising these little human beings is really important. Also tell the grandchildren what good parents they have. Love that. The sense of respect and honor.

Yeah. Paula says, Find a good church. Keep your kids more involved there than anywhere else. It's the best decision you'll make as a parent. Stop giving your kids everything. It makes for selfish adults. They never have to work for things or earn them.

They never learn to appreciate anything. Raise kind, well-behaved. children. Our kids do benefit from church. I think even at a young age, dropping them off there, help with the separation anxiety that the kid experienced. So then that prepared them for like the mom's day out school program that they do and they've socially benefited.

I think they've become more confident being by themselves or with a group of children without us. And church is kind of the first sample of that. and they also will come home and pray a prayer that they learn to church or sing songs that they learned to church is great. Dorothy, always communicate with your spouse. When speaking to your children,

when they have misbehaved, try to whisper to them so you remain calm and the children have to listen. Yelling never works and you are not setting a good example for your children. I think this is what was earlier referred to is there's aspects of gender parenting that are good. Yeah.

Yelling is not good. Oh, great. Yeah, yelling is not good. Listening to them. Communicating. Yeah. It's like, hey, let's help build an awareness. But there are certain tools that do that more effectively than others.

Suzanne says, your most important gifts to your children are, one, teaching your children the why you believe what you believe of your faith and talking about it. to loving your spouse and prioritizing your marriage over your children. I like that. I like that. Rachel, don't rush through in a hurry to get to the next phase. Know that you are their world

and you are everything to them. This is hard sometimes. It's so hard. Like I'm in the hardest phase as like for me with bear. The age one to two is so hard for me. they're not communicating yet, they're into everything,

he's dangerous. Like, he'll stand up on things he shouldn't. The separation anxiety is like at an all-time high. It's just like, it's really, this is my hardest face.

And I catch myself being like, oh, I can't wait until you can talk or like, whatever. Like, no, I should,

I need to slow down. It's right when I start feeling that like internal angst or anxiety, like the internal panic. That's where I'm like, okay. let me conquer this and let me be with the kid you know but i think of that trace adkins song you're

going to miss this i know which helps keep my check all right joy says write down the cute things your kids say you think you'll remember but you won't i agree with that so much she says just write it on your calendar listen more shorten the lectures you've lost them at 20 seconds anyway have expectations and make sure that the kids clearly know them don't have any negotiations no second or a third chance, they know and follow through until they do what you've asked. I agree. We agree with all that. We started an email address for each of the kids that I'll just do a little voice note

to any time they do something cute or memorable or like a milestone. And that has been one of the best things I've done as a dad. Because I really thought, like, I'm going to remember this forever with this moment. And then you really don't. I know. Like the next thing happens and the next emotion. comes and it washes the specialness of that away. So try that out if you want, but I do voice to text, which makes it pretty quick process

and effective. Cindy says, enjoy every moment with your family. Find out the way that they are bent and lean into that. What worked with my son didn't work for my daughter, and I wish I would have been more aware of that when I was raising my kids. I get it. Find out their unique qualities and foster those. Yeah.

Andrew and I have been working really hard on that with our kids, trying to constantly remind each other of like, this is what works for this kid, but not this kid and vice versa. I recently had the revelation that parenting is so difficult because if you have multiple kids, each kid will require a different parenting style. Yeah.

And each phase that an individual kid is in will require a different parenting style. So it never stops. It's always changing. Yeah. Christine says always have a united front when raising your children. Our children always understood that mom and dad were on the same page and an agreement so that there was never a good or bad guy feeling and a good guy or bad guy feeling

and ensured that our children knew that they couldn't play one parent against the other. One of us was feeling like it was too much. We would pause and discuss between the two of us before we're talking to the children. I love that. I think that's really good. Andrew and I do that with the whole team. We're a team. So it's always like, well, what did mom say?

What did dad say? And if one of our kids is like, oh, I'm like, let me go ask. Yeah. I think that's been a valuable practice. Yeah. Our pillow game was absolutely tragic.

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Stacey says try and plan something special for one-on-one time with kids and grandkids. It matters, even when they're adults. Do group things too, but making memories is vital for everyone. Time is a thief, and we never know when our time will come. Thank you, Stacey. Wow. That one hit. Three more. You aren't going to rush through that one? I just agree. Wholeheartedly. It is very special. And I think our kids, now realize how special is to get one-on-one time. I know.

And so we try to make it a very celebrated time and make them know that they're worthy of that celebration and worthy of the one-on-one time. We need to do more dates. We used to. We have it in a while. It gets harder, dude. It does.

But yeah, I agree. We should fight for that. Vicki says, always listen to what your kids are saying with their words and actions. Pray without ceasing for the plan God has for their lives in order for them to prosper. Pray against deception. pray that above all, your children will have a passion to love and serve God.

Why is prayer important? Let me tell you. I think it's like you're being reflective, you're being intentional, you're setting a vision. All of that is really inherently good. I think when you add on to that, you're welcoming in this mystical, magic, wonderful, miracle potential of God. The whole thing gets amplified drastically. I agree. So I like this one.

It directs your thoughts. This is what we learn about from the dissertation. Like there is a psychological truth to the benefits of prayer. Next. Angie, there is so much to say. My husband and I started dating when I was 13 and he was 14. We've been married for over 30 years. I have two children and two grandchildren.

Congrats. I'm also a middle school special education teacher. Amazing. I know you didn't ask for my background, but there it is. My biggest piece of advice is to truly enjoy every moment. and don't sweat the small stuff. Give your kids as many experiences as you can, whether it's close to home

or a little further away, depending on your resources. Take lots of pictures, but make sure you teach them consequences to actions good or bad and that they respect and that respect goes a long way. Also, not every adult deserves your respect. Honestly, that's a pretty good foundation

for parenting right there. I like that. I, when I hear truly, enjoy every moment. I used to interpret that as try to have a smile on your face to do the whole thing. What I've realized is you can

enjoy the process of you know, helping your kid when they're injured or like you can enjoy that. You can enjoy the hard dinner that you had. Yeah.

The temper tantrum and like, yeah. It's not always the giggle happiness or enjoyment. And you don't have to enjoy it in the moment, but you can, you can reflect down and be like, that too, I love. Yeah. Liz says that life will come to have,

life will continue to have hurdles and challenges. You grow and learn from each one. When you take a look back, you will be amazed at what you made it through. I love that. We just did an episode on the cliches of marriage, and one of them was, quitters never win and winners never quit.

and it's like you don't really get to make it through the hurdles or the challenges if you tap out so keep pressing forward because those are the good times like the summary of all those is trying not to rush it soak it in I have a friend who has a tattoo it's three triangles and one is kind of like shaped differently and he talks about how it's past present and future and the present is the hardest to relish but the most important to be in Hayes has that tattoo.

I love that. And I just, yeah, I don't know why it's so hard to be present. It is. But there's always something to worry about but you'll never get now back. Anyway, thank you for all that life advice

and the grandparent advice and the parenting advice and the marriage advice. It was really good. Would love to hear your opinions on anything that struck you as relevant or applicable would love to hear any other advice that you have to give us. And if you made it this far, please subscribe to the show and give it a rating on whatever platform you're listening on. That was a fun one. It was fun. I loved it. And I love you. I love you. It's all we have. I'm Andrew. I'm Sean. We'll see you next time.