Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 259 | Relationship Hot Takes

Episode Date: May 8, 2025

Today we sat down and read some relationship headlines that we found super interesting and it ended up leading to great discussion! PLUS, we got to sit down with Mary Borman, the first woman with Down Syndrome training to compete in a half Ironman! She was absolutely incredible and the perfect way to kick off our newest segment of inspiring stories. Love you guys! Shawn and Andrew Follow along with Mary ▶ https://www.instagram.com/mermaid_maryborman/?hl=en Check out the SKIMS Ultimate Bra Collection and more at https://www.skims.com/couplethings #skimspartner Want the best pillow ever? Go to https://LagoonSleep.com/EASTFAM and take their awesome 2 minute sleep quiz to find your match. Use code EASTFAM for 15% off first purchase Get the most beautiful glass prints at FRACTURE! Check out https://fractureme.com/ and use our code COUPLE25 for 25% off your first order! Beam Kids is now available online at https://www.shopbeam.com/COUPLETHINGS Take advantage of our exclusive discount of up to 40% off using code COUPLETHINGS Email us ▶ [e-mail] Follow our podcast Instagram ▶ https://www.instagram.com/shawnandandrewpods/ Subscribe to our newsletter ▶ https://www.familymade.com/newsletter Follow My Instagram ▶ https://www.instagram.com/ShawnJohnson Follow My Tik Tok ▶ https://www.tiktok.com/@shawnjohnson Shop My LTK Page ▶ https://www.shopltk.com/explore/shawnjohnson Like the Facebook page! ▶ https://www.facebook.com/ShawnJohnson Follow Andrew’s Instagram ▶ https://www.instagram.com/AndrewDEast Andrew’s Tik Tok ▶ https://www.tiktok.com/@andrewdeast?lang=en Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up, everybody? Welcome back to a couple things. With Sean and Andrew. Today's a fun one, potentially. I feel like every time we sit down to film one of these, we script them to have like an idea of what we're talking about. You choose the one that's like the most brain heavy. I'm sorry, but you know what?

The last couple I've done that with, we've had fantastic conversations. So welcome back to another one. Today is a little more recent news type vibe than we usually do. There's this... Up-and-coming trend that has been labeled dinks. Yeah. That has been circulating in news. There's like a bunch of CNBC news spots.

Dual income, no kids. That's right. That's right. There's also a dating recession happening. So we're just going to go through some of these headlines that we came across. What we think about it as just a married old couple. Yeah. So this will be interesting.

But also in the middle of this episode, we are going to introduce one of our new segment. we sit down with Mary Borman and we just think that there are certain phenomenal stories that are worth sharing and Mary's is one of them so stay tuned for that you're going to really enjoy that interview but that will be spliced in with this and we're going to try to include more and more of those special stories into episodes and if you have any of those type of segments that you would like to submit then let us know you could send us an email you can find the email in the show notes or the description down below or you could tag us on Instagram. We love meeting new people and I'm so glad we got to meet Mary. Also, the comment of the

day today is from Jessica. Do you want to read it? Yes. It says, love your Risa episode. So awesome, you had the Freeman's on. We love learning from them. I love how real and honest y'all were about the realities of parenting little kids at all different ages and personalities being business owners, all while striving to model and create a healthy marriage. We so relate to these and appreciate the little tips and reminders to check in with each other love things that's right uh i was recently re-inspired by what we're doing and the and the type of content that we make and i just am really grateful that uh there's an audience of like-minded people that listen to it and we have a blast so i'm learning we hope you're learning and this has really been a special time for sean and i

to connect so that's all i'll say about that i really enjoy this too. All right. So today we are going to be covering some relationship headlines, reasons that Gen Z is dating less, and talk about if there is a relationship regression that's going on overall. And we're not experts on this. We should disclose. We just looked up some research and we're pretty shocked by our findings. So we wanted to share. I will say, I'm, I just got my research proposal approved by my professor for my PhD. Wait, have you told me this? No, this just happened today. Right, right. But it's been a slow, agonizing process. I told you when I submitted it. Yeah.

But just got the green light. That's huge, baby. Yeah, yeah. So, but anyway, as it pertains to these studies, I have garnered a skill in sorting through what's true, what's not, where could there be some false information portrayed, et cetera, et cetera. So you're saying you're smart. I'm saying maybe we'll be able to cut through someone that's being.

Yes, if there is any. We'll see. We'll see. Let's read some of these headlines, though. Okay. Gen Z's Romance Gap, why nearly half of young men aren't dating. That's right. This is from AIBM.org, and it says a survey conducted by the Survey Center on American Life found that only 56% of Gen Z adults and 54% of Gen Z men said they were involved in a romantic relationship at any point during their time.

teenage years. Interesting. Were you involved in a romantic relationship in your teenage years? Yeah. Teenage is up to 19. 13 to 19? Yeah, I was. Were you?

Yeah, I was. Yeah. But that statistic is a major change from previous generations where teenage dating was much more common. More than three quarters of baby boomers, 78% to be exact. And 76% of Gen Xers report having had a boyfriend or girlfriend as teenagers. What's the difference between Gen X and Millennial? Gen X is above us or below us?

Why aren't millennials? I think it goes, Baby Boomer, Gen X, millennial, Gen Z. From oldest to youngest. And this also gives reasons why teens are dating. They say video games. Trash. Technology. and lastly,

teenagers no longer view it as a priority. That's kind of crazy. It is crazy. It's sad. It means there's so much, there's so many distractions. Well, oh. Go ahead.

See? Oh, now you're into it all of a sudden. Now she's into it. Now my brain feels flooded. Also, I get intimidated by some of these of like, am I going to come off wrong? But whatever. Who cares?

I love our content. I've talked to, we've said this before it, because I like showing the beautiful side of family and how beautiful family can be in marriage and having kids even, having all of us. And I think that isn't showcased for the majority and a positive light in today's society. I think we live behind a screen

and screens are edited. And all of those. edited stories and variations of family are usually not good. We live in a world of algorithms where they're not, algorithms aren't designed to show you like real happy, non-confrontational, non-edgy, not clickbait stuff. Not mundane and just chill and. You're saying the wow factor of all these Instagram videos that people see overpower the subtle wow that you experience as a parent or in a deep relationship?

Yes, I mean, like if you were to look at all the screens combined that like kids are consuming these days and like what they're being targeted with is when it comes to like algorithms and like content and what people are creating. The majority of that is showing, like, either showing things in a negative light. Because if you turn on the news, the news wants to cover things that will capture your attention, right? So that's who got killed and who got divorced and who is what drama is happening in Hollywood and who fell out of love again and who lost to this person in their life. It's all negative and heavy. They aren't showcasing, oh, Patty and Jim have been married 97 years. you know they're not doing that and then you get on instagram and teenagers who are like on social media are usually being targeted by promiscuous and edgy and clickbait stuff it's not they're not just

watching happy ever after endings all day every day so i think in a world that's showing them so much negative why would you want to date well it's interesting so there's been negative news since the beginning of news, you know, but I guess maybe the quantity and the volume of negative news, you're right, might distract. But also there's actually a lady Frya India who talks about

this. There's a really interesting, has an interesting perspective, but she talks about how the statistics on like the top percentage of attractive females, like there's just

on social media, when you see an attractive female, everyone's like, okay, I'm benchmarking my expectation against that look, okay? Like just the statistics back that up. She's also talking about how there's less of a desire to get married within women. And that gender is just like more ambitious and career-oriented, which is fascinating.

And part of me when I read the headline thought, okay well maybe they're just delaying relationships and kicking the can down the road but a graph that I'm looking at right now shows that actually um millennials are not getting married as frequently as gen Xers or the previous generation hopefully we could show this graph but like it is by age definitely uh later as the generations progress people are getting married later and and less which is fascinating. You and I have talked about this. I think there are difficulties

and there are cons to getting married young like we did in our early 20s. But I also think it has the greatest chance of success long term. Because I do feel like some of your most formative years are in your 20s. You're either investing more time

into a lifestyle of business or you're investing more time into a lifestyle family and I'm not saying you can't have both but I do think for us being able to like solidify our foundation as a family and then work on business afterwards shaped our entire life I think it is very difficult and we've seen this with a lot of friends when you use all of those years to like really integrate yourself in the business world and then you find yourself in your 30s or 40s, and you're like, oh, I want a husband or I want a wife and I want to start a family. One, your pool, unfortunately, is just so much smaller.

And you're so much more set into your lifestyle in ways that the disruption is so much more greater trying to find someone. Which accounts for the fewer marriages, maybe. Yes. If you're getting married later in life, you're naturally going to have fewer marriages because people are just like, I can't change. my habits. You're not a kid like, oh, let's just figure life out together.

You're literally like a formed, mature adult. And you're like, this is how I do life. You're either going to fit into it or you're not. There's not a lot of like give and take. All right, listen. If you really want to win Mother's Day this year, don't get her another candle or mug. Wait, but I was going to get one that says world's best mom. No.

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One, all the research shows from day. from elderly people that relationships and family are the highest correlated to a meaningful life, which is pretty ambiguous target. I know that's an opinion, by the way. You might have a different one. No, no. That's what people say. The old people say relationships was my most meaningful thing.

I know. I agree with it. But I'm saying, like, there are other people out there that, like, would argue and say, I can't have a meaningful life because I invested my life in business. No, no, there's a lot of ways to have a meaningful life. I'm just saying if you talk to people who are at the end of the road, it's usually family, and it's usually kids. But you cannot control your success and your career, really.

There are certain extraneous factors, but you can control putting your head down and focusing on your family and building that. So, like, the one thing that simultaneously leads to, quote, unquote, the most meaningful, happy life is a thing that in some ways you have control. over more than the thing that is more short-term enticing that you don't have

control over. I think it's so interesting though because everything that we're saying is not understood fully until you're at the end of the road, right? So you have all of these young guns saying, I want to be a billionaire.

You know, I want to get into the tech industry and be the next Elon Musk and whatever. And they put their nose to the ground right? I'm not sure that's the same way. They grind, whatever. And say they get there.

Statistically, the people who have done this and have found themselves in their 70s, 80s, 90s, as a billionaire, have said, you know what? It wasn't worth it. We've gone down the road. Or it wasn't the best thing. Or it wasn't the best thing.

Or why didn't I go back and focus more on my kids or a family or being at home and then yeah it's the same thing people who do focus on family get to the end of the road and they're like I feel like I did it right I mean it is a paradox though people think that having money will make them attractive when finding a mate kind of I guess like maybe that does make you slightly more favorable as far as people wanting to marry you like as a candidate but it's definitely not the only thing so don't hyper focus on that yeah anyway uh that was fascinating good discussion okay

the next headline is called the societal cost of the marriage decline oh wow the societal cost of the marriage decline this topic really fascinates me so here the highlights marriage is positively associated with greater community involvement across a range of different activities two-thirds of single Americans report that they have felt no pressure from their family to get married and three for young people uncertain about whether getting married or starting a family is worth it american culture offers little in the way of reassurance that's my point american culture says that but i mean this is what wisdom is i was just thinking about this like in our athletic careers you have a coach who who knows more the path that you need to walk down

to help you achieve your goals. For me, it was, I want to play professional football. For you, at some point, I want to be an Olympic gymnast. Yeah. The coach knows what it takes to get there. You do not. He's going to put you through uncomfortable situations. Yeah.

Things that you don't think you're capable of, maybe that you see as unnecessary. And in that process, you become the person you need to be to be an Olympic gymnast or an NFL player. So it's like, wisdom is trusting that the person who is further down the line, knows something different and better than you do we we both had the blessing of having mentors and people who are giving us that wisdom who didn't take advantage of that right they let us along the tried and true path which not everybody has that blessing so I'm thankful for that

but like who might know something more than you and then deputize them give them the authority to say okay this is uncomfortable for me but I trust you yeah okay and that's what I'm saying old people provide that wisdom where it's like hey you think money's the dopest but maybe there's another side to this do you trust them or not what do you think about that I agree I agree with all of this but it's hard because I it paints I don't want this to be painted as a picture of like oh we're just old school or we're traditional or we go against modern ways like that's not it i just do think and believe i have lived kind of on both sides of like a really successful career and this just feels so much more purposeful real quick we'll get

back to the show but we did want to bring you our interview with mary boorman who is a phenomenal athlete super inspirational we love talking with her her smile and giggle really made my day She is about to become the first woman with Down syndrome to complete an Ironman. She talks to us about her training, why she's so passionate about this, everything that she has completed and done up to this point. And it's kind of her passion behind it, which is a lot of fun. So here's our interview with Mary Borman. Mary, welcome to the show. Thanks for joining us.

How are you today? I'm good. How are you? We're doing well. Mary, your laundry list never ending of titles, achievements, and accolades is so incredibly impressive. What inspired you to take on all of this? Hmm.

I guess I just want my life, I just want to live my life to the fullest and see what I can do. And that's what I really love to do. And every day how accomplished is what I'm so proud of. So I'm looking here at your whole list of education, the, uh, advocacy, your community involvement, the award you've won, the athletics that you've accomplished, what is your favorite thing that you have done thus far? To me, that's a hard question because people ask me what's my favorite, and I don't think I have any favorites.

I think that's just my whole life right there, and I love my life. was there one thing that you've accomplished that you're most proud of because of the work that went into it or like the pivot that it caused in your life well right now i love training so i am well the next goal is to do a half hour a marathon day and that's one of the goals that i would like to see to accomplish Mary, you're training to become the first woman with Down syndrome to actually accomplish the half iron man. Correct. What gave you, what gave you this dream? Well, I was already a swimmer. I was an Olympic swimmer, so, and I love running. I mean, I have my mom to run with, and it's absolutely amazing.

And plus, sometimes, like, sometime when, people were like kids we learned how to bike for the very first time for me that did not happen for me and so I learned how to bike like not that long though and I was like thinking okay I want to do this I want to do a triathlon and see what I can do I like to push myself to limit and see what I can do wait so you're out there training with your mom is that you guys always train together we trained we trained Like, we do strikes training one day a week, and most of the time, I'm running with her. It's just not really good backer or swimmer, so I'd do it myself, but it's fun.

You said she's not a good biker or swimmer? That's funny. Kudos to you. Sean and I, we can't train together. Yeah. She's too intense, and she probably knows more about things that she's always trying to coach me on. Mary, when is your race? Well, by now

I'm doing an international Triathlon Ozark Valley and that's here very local and that's in sometime in the 22nd

of June. Wow. Amazing. Can you talk about what your training looks like on a day-to-day basis? Well, it's it's kind of

it's like crazy because I have this app but they would tell me what I, what kind of workouts that I do during the day. So let's say, um, today, I'm supposed to go, I was supposed to go swimming. Well, I don't think you know, but it's actually a bad weather. So I don't know, but I might do a peloton or run just to see what I can do. And it's like every day and one day of week is my recovery day.

Because I need to, like, I need to recover. Wow. How many hours a day are you training? 25 hours a week. Oh, wow. Oh, my gosh. That's a lot, Mary. Jeez.

With all the races that you've accomplished already, whether it be swimming or running, biking, how does it feel to cross a finish line? I don't know how to say this, But I do know is that I felt like I did something that I did and something I really am proud of. And I really wanted to continue doing that. And how do you think the finish line will feel when you cross it for the Half Iron Man? I probably like, well, I usually cry every time I finish the race.

And so I'm just crying, feel like, oh, my God, I did it. I found I did it. Oh, my God. I can't believe it. And I've got to run into my mom's arms and said, honey, I did it. Oh, my gosh. Is this the hardest race that you've trained for so far? So far, I haven't done it in a competition yet.

But hopefully soon I will because that would be so thank. I'll be so proud of to accomplish. Mary, I'm curious if you had one thing to show. share to people out there listening who might doubt themselves or might not think they could accomplish all that you've accomplished, what would you tell them? I'll tell them that anything is possible. That's for me because nothing is possible for anyone who really wants to do something. And if they're, let's say if they're talking about doing something, maybe just do it.

without like talking about it and just really push yourself to the limit and just see what you can do and somebody else can do that too as well with you. Thank you for being a tangible example of what that looks like. Is it easy for you to roll out of bed and do your, you know, four or five hours of training every day? What happens on a bad day for you? Like, how do you overcome those bad days? Well, I just remember that there are people around me and I just can't, like, they can't be mean to them because that's how I get to when I get into bad moods. But sometimes I learn to, and nowadays I'm thinking to myself, okay, if I can't say anything nice, why should I talk?

And so I just keep that to myself and just let it go past me and I just do what I can do. Mary, what else is on your list to accomplish? What are your dreams? I have a bunch of dreams in my life, and so far I have no idea. For me, I'd like to see where my life would take me. I'd be sure want to marry someone who is my best friend. I mean, it'd be nice to have a, like, a really serious athlete with me, so because I'm also an athlete, so that'd be great. Also, while to travel across the world, I am quite adventurous myself.

I mean, I jump out of the airplane to do skydiving. I mean, that's something that I liked. I think I like to model. I think I want to be a Peloton inspector. Keep on going. I'm loving this list. I love the dreams, Mary. Let's go.

You got me fired up. Man, well, this has been an absolute treat. You have a wonderful smile, a wonderful personality, a wonderful approach to life. And I, for one, cannot wait to see what else you accomplish. We're going to be watching you and all you do in June. good luck keep training and thank you for being an inspiration to us all we're rooting for you mary but thank you for making you thank you all right thank you for listening to that segment mary thank you for joining us and now back to the show i started packing for our summer travel

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and enter code shopmintel 15 at checkout to receive 15% off your order. That's shopmino.com code shopmino 15 for 15% off. Here's some more stats from this article. Young woman expressed growing reservations about starting a family and many believe marriage benefits them less than it does men.

Less than half of young women, 45% to be exact, age 18 to 34, without children, say they still want to have kids at some point in the future. Among men, 57% report that they do want to be fathers. So there's less of a desire to have kids from women than men. What this stat is telling me. So another quote is, in our self-obsessed culture, much of the debate around marriage has focused on what the institution offers individuals. Does it make me happier, feeling more fulfilled?

But research shows that marriage is a critical component to establishing healthy connected communities as well. That's really deep, dude. It's like marriage unlocks all this other stuff that you don't think. I also think the whole decline of women wanting to have kids has a lot to do with how our specific society, values mothers. And I do think if you look, what? I agree with you, but there's also this expectation,

I don't know, this is super confusing because the women pay gap thing where it's like, okay, when you start a career, yeah, there's going to be a natural gap when you have a kid, you know what I'm saying?

Yeah, I don't think you're understanding. I think... it has been exposed so much. I do think in the American culture, in American society, it's really hard for a working mother to, like, get pregnant and have a kid and go on a maternity leave

that's maybe a week or too long, and maybe they're getting half pay and they're a single mom or single income or their dual income, but still having to, like, work. I think there's such an unrealistic expectation on mothers in the United States to do it all

and instead of honoring a mother to be a mother and honoring that that is a job and I'm not saying be a stay-at-home mom but like for a decent duration of time after you have a kid if we honored mothers within that position to say you should be home with a baby and you should be able to heal

and take care of yourself and your job will still be here and you are still getting paid I think that would change a lot I think there is such a high increase in like postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety and like all of these rates that it's it truly scares women to have kids because they don't feel supported yeah and to hear how many people are like oh I don't have family close. Like, I don't know how I'm going to do this. I don't know how I'm going to go back to work at three weeks postpartum and survive. I would say that that is a indication that men aren't stepping up to the plate too. I think it's also a huge indication. But even that, that puts a lot of pressure on men. Yeah, I think there should be. Like a healthy amount of pressure. For sure. But I do think

there is a massive issue within the government of how, like, we are supporting and our culture of how we're supporting mothers. Well, with, like, paternity leave? Paternity leave, maternity leave, postpartum protocols, just all of it. Like, if you studied other cultures, like postpartum, some,

maternity leave is like a year. Where there are some women who, like, within their cultures aren't allowed to get out of bed for two weeks. Like, literally, that is the culture. But within those other cultures, it's like this honoring legacy of like all your family's there and I just think we have set this precedent where we are celebrating women to a certain extent more than we ever have and encouraging women to be

super ambitious and to stand up to have equal pay and to like do everything which women are we're doing that right now which is incredible but then on the other hand we're not honoring and supporting them when they also want to become a mother yeah it's interesting i mean there are a lot of cultural factors uh where it's like america is capitalism baby you know it's like no one has the productivity or the innovation that the u.s does which comes at a cost right like we need you back to work sooner you know uh there's also like the mobility of young couples moving across the country away from their families like there's just a lot of dynamics at play that feed into this um also that a recent study found that the average cost of child care increased by 32 percent so it's like there are a lot

of costs that are deterring couples from having kids um our culture also does not celebrate or normalize multi-generational living we've talked about this too. Whereas, like, if we celebrated that more and encouraged that more as a society, we would have more honoring of, like, grandparents living in a home with you and helping take care of a newborn. But we don't live in that kind of culture. I need to ponder this more because now you got, I mean, there's like so many things that

seem to be broken in the system. Well, I think it's a separation. we're trying to like modernize our country right we're trying to be so forward thinking that it's like we're separated by this idea of like we can either go back in time and be like quote trad wives and that be the whole thing or we can be modernized women who are you know in space and we're doing all of this just like the guys but we can't have both and I'm like that doesn't make sense it should be both we should be celebrated as mothers and women and wives who can also be ambitious and have jobs and...

Yeah, but it might be both, but it might be less of either, you know? You probably can't maximize your career and do family. I know. For either gender. But it's a... We're going to... And vice versa. Way in a black hole.

But it's also diminishing the idea that like a woman being able to have a child like you're also taking away to a certain extent part of what I would say well this is what I'm studying how becoming a parent affects the goal orientation and productivity of entrepreneurs so it'll be interesting to see the results of the survey that we send out but I think if you're trying to optimize for fulfillment so far what I've seen is doing both

is a great way to go because work matters family matters but there is a like it's maybe less optimized for productivity and more for meaning

is what it seems but I think the whole decline in dating are kids and people being so overwhelmed by I have to choose route. I think

both, yeah. I think American society is split down the middle. They're like, you can either choose ambition, success, business, or you can choose stay at home, not have an identity and like other, anything else than being married and having kids. So we have to come up with theoretical foundations for our thought process. Two things that might be worth looking at. into for those listening work family enrichment theory and family systems theory are what I'm

basing my study off of so work family enrichment theory says I learn things at work that I carry over and apply to my home life and vice versa I'll learn things in my family home life and marriage that help me be a better business woman or businessman and vice versa and then family systems theory says you can't understand the individual without understanding the family you can't understand the family without understanding the individual and they they mutually affect each other so it's like there is support and there's there's the opposite of that that happens in the family where it's like family stresses can take away from productivity but it can also enhance in certain ways just fascinating stuff so I agree that they should be able to be uh what's the word a they should be able to

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single most young women are not nobody seems entirely sure what the reason for the giant relationship gap is but the most popular theory is that young women are more likely to be dating older men there it is that makes more sense interesting okay why would that be dating older men anyway you want to move to the next one I don't know why that would be unless you're wanting someone who's more I mean simplistically

simply put don't more mature yeah women mature faster than men yeah yeah that could be true Dang, this is deep. Also, we're not going to get through this whole episode, no chance.

That's what I was trying to say. No chance. Well, let's get through these headlines and then we could make it out. We've got to get through the reasons. No. Okay. No, no, no.

We're just going to get through the headlines. Okay. Next headline is marriage rates plummet reflecting a societal shift towards fewer committed partnerships. Okay. So, social norms that define,

and guide people's behavior within the institution of marriage are weakening, according to Churlin. People today experience greater freedom in how to be married and in when and whether to marry at all. Several factors have contributed to marriages deinstitutionalization, including the rise of unmarried childbearing, the changing division of labor in the home, the growth of unmarried cohabitation, and the emergence of same-sex marriages. Marriage rates plummet, reflecting a societal shift towards fewer committed partnerships. I think we live in a time and phase and culture of me. I think that is why.

The next headline is this is not the relationship I ordered. Yeah. I think we have, we're in this, like, epidemic where it's like, what can I do to take care of me in any type of marriage? I don't care if it's same sex or not. that's not going to work. And so if we're just trying to breed a selfish society and pass that on to the next generation, then no, you're not being taught at a foundational level

to like serve other people. So why would you want to serve someone for the rest of your life if all you're being taught right now is like, it's focus on you. but it's a balance because that's kind of true you know to a point what focusing on you yeah yeah yeah and marriage does benefit me to a certain extent i mean this goes back to our marriage happiness episode but if that's the main point then you're missing the whole thing kind of but if the whole point we missed in that argument that podcast was like i don't wake up thinking about my happiness yeah yeah yeah

I wake up thinking about yours. Not initially you didn't, right? Not at the beginning? Yes. That's a trained habit. Well, no, but like if you aren't willing to get there, then it's good, that's good. It's not ever going to work.

And so if you are anti-marriage, because like we have someone that we've, we know and we've heard them say before it like this relationship doesn't serve me it's like no relationship ever will serve you but you see what i'm saying like it's kind of true that the relationship should serve you but that's not the that's not the main focus i agree but if you if you aren't willing to sacrifice that and give up some of your freedom then you're just treading water and you're not going deep yes and I do think our society only focuses on that they focus on marriage being this thing that takes away your freedom and it takes away your choice and it takes away your rights and it takes away your ability to work on you and it takes away your ability to travel and it takes away your ability to travel and And it's painted in such a heavy negative light.

If all we were doing as society was like painting the picture in the opposite of like it's so fulfilling and it's so beautiful and it actually helps your business and it actually like think of how different people would feel about the idea of marriage if it wasn't just negative. I don't know though, but you can't in the moment, it's one of those things. That's paradoxical because in the moment, it doesn't always feel fulfilling. The arguments where you're calling me out on one of my nonsense habits, that doesn't feel fulfilling or meaningful to me. That feels painful and uncomfortable. And it's not until five years later where I see like, holy crap, I'm so glad Sean called me out on my BS habit. That, like, you can't, there's no acute messaging for that where it's just a slow burn. I know.

but if that was a societal norm being talked about, it wouldn't feel as scary right now as it does. Does that make sense? Like you and I, to a certain extent, feel like we're out there doing this alone because people don't talk about this. But if everybody painted this light that like marriage is fulfilling and it is beautiful and at the end of the day and at the end of the lifetime, you're going to add it all up and it's going to average out as being so positive.

but you will go through lows and you will go through emotional ups and downs and stuff that wouldn't feel as like you're going through the trenches it would you'd be like oh yeah this is what people talk about this is a part of it yeah whereas right now we live on the opposite side of that where people say I live in such a world of me of like I should be happy I should feel fulfilled I should feel served that if you get into that trench oh you're another statistic of divorce oh, marriage just wasn't worth it for you because it was, like, it's so negative that people get so scared about anything that could possibly go wrong because the world paints just a negative picture. I think you're in a really unique position because of the higher understanding

that people have of that phenomenon in regards to athletics. Like, that's a way more tangible example of, hey, do hard things and it pays off. And you applying that mindset to relationships, which I think we both have, I think is really unique. So it gets me excited. But same exact thing, paralleling that, is like, you watch the Super Bowl or the Olympics, and you see all these pieces done documentary style pieces done of all these athletes.

Every single athlete is saying the same exact thing who's standing up there with a medal, which is, it was rough. I had years sometimes. Hard work. Where, like, it was blood, sweat, and tears. But this is the coolest, most amazing thing I've ever done in my life. And I wouldn't change it for the world. Now, if we were doing documentary style pieces on marriage like that,

all of these statistics would probably be different. People would be encouraged to be like, let's see if I can conquer that. I like your passion here. Thank you. Next headline. Is romance really dead? This is CNN health. The percentage of Americans who don't have a steady partner is up 50% since 1986.

Americans are also less likely to have sex than at any point since 1989. Fewer Americans are celebrating Valentine's Day now than they did at the end of the 2000s, whatever. The decline isn't just about the pandemic either since the downtrend was happening before 2020. Interesting. so there's all these shows about love um let's see this also gives that's 44% of millennials born between 19801 and 1996 were married in 2019 53% of gen xers who are at 1965 to 1980 birthdays 61% of baby boomers this is what that graph was that I showed earlier and 81% of the silent generation uh were married at a comparable age

partnership rates are having a ripple effect on other aspects of love too like sex there's a decline in romantic relationships as a leading factor for why young adults are having less sex compared with previous decades man so why is the sex I don't think the Valentine's Day stat is resonating with me really other than like the intentionality of pursuing a relationship maybe but like the sex thing that is kind of fascinating where it's like what are we are humans just becoming like asexual like not having sex you know what I'm saying I think probably to a certain extent if you're single one night stands and trying to hook up with people probably gets old and hard so you just stop doing it

it probably gets more and more like far and few in between well I do think You're probably not going to the bars as much trying to be like, hey, you want to go back? Like, I do think that if you're trying to optimize for the most amount of sex in a life, marriage is a good way to do it because of that, right? Like, probably if you were going to average, like, in a decade age, the 20s, you probably have less sex if you're married. But 30s, 40s, 50, 60s, I would argue that you have more sex when you're married. But, like, think, not to get weird here, but like, think about how often we're having. having sex okay I think about it all the time maybe okay if every time that happened that had to be the result of us actively going out a lot of effort to find someone to bring back home new or not

like does that make sense yeah that takes so much effort well it it is a lot of effort it's also um kind of risky in the sense of like having that many people in your home in an intimate way is like risky in many different ways many different categories of life just like health I'm talking about security yes security all those different things um but I also I'm trying to navigate how to talk about this one because like some people really put sex on a pedestal Like we know a couple of people that sex is the make or break thing of the relationship, you know?

I don't feel that way. I am grateful when we have sex, you know? There's so many aspects that, like, we value. I do think that stat, though, is more of a psychological phenomenon of what? Nothing.

I just think it, it all goes down, comes down to the stories our world is choosing to share. Here's why I actually think, I think it's how are people spending their time? Are you just doing all these like video games? Like we talked about earlier. Stop playing video games.

But that could, or porn, that can drown out sex, right? Which it's like, so you're not enjoying these subtle gifts that were given as humans. You're more like just pouring into the screen. Again, this is exactly what I'm, like just pounding down but it's like I don't know any of the what are the what are they called

the like sayings what are you talking about I was going to say beat a dead horse and then I said pounding down I don't know what the sayings are but the idea of like we aren't just looking next door anymore like literally out your front door at like the families or the people you're not like walking down the street and like gathering your information from like people around you you're gathering it from stories you're seeing on screens which like I said they're edited there's an algorithm behind them and the more shocking negative they are the more likely you're going to see it so the whole porn video games social media side of that that's where people are gathering their data they're not gathering it from nancy frank joe betty and laura out their windows

super interesting yeah the sex thing is interesting to me that stat just not because of the actual but what are the ramifications like an inability to appreciate the thing that is it's like can you appreciate a sunset you know people a lot of people can't anymore well I also think I mean there is an economic side to this too where it's like hey I can't have a family or we can't I don't know there's there's many factors and I do have closing thoughts on this but we have one more headline and then we're going to do a part two yes we're 30, 40 minutes into this. If you're looking to wake up refreshed and ready for the day, you have to check out Lagoon

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For the first time in almost two decades, the share of unpartnered adults who are neither married nor living with an unmarried partner in the United States has declined. This decline coincided with a slight rise in couples who reported being married. Okay, so they're saying that peak of singledom that we've been talking about... Is declining. Is declining. Doesn't know whether the trend will continue, but noted that the changes signified a possible shift in the direction for America's relationships. I hope so. that's a good article close on because

there's nothing better than spending your life with your best friend well even the way we've been talking about this has been kind of playing into the headlines for sure and I think that there is more room for hope than all those headlines portray and maybe then our tone suggested in this because what I do know is I believe that you could change the world one person at a time, one decision at a time, right?

I have the power to make a decision. And I think that people tend to want to make good decisions. I think that is an inherent desire. So I think that people can make that change. And that's hopeful. I agree. It's hopeful. I hope everyone finds a partner that they get to wake up to every day of their life

and fight with in such a beautiful way to have that fulfillment at the end of it. I'm also hopeful because there's role models like you out there who are changing the tide of what people view is aspirational. I was just listening about Alex Cooper, how her whole podcast, initially was about like blow jobs and all the sex stuff that all that stuff that's great to that one and just kind of implying like hey don't settle down type of behavior when all the while she was in this committed relationship which is kind of a funny like that is a really prime example of like hey this is what people want to hear about is all these crazy stories about

hookups and whatever. So this is actually how I'm living. But this is the good life, you know? And so hopefully there will be more role models like you, but I admire you. I appreciate you. And you. No, no, no. No, I'm not the role model like you.

Thank you, though. What? I'm just here to force you to do podcasts on topics that you might not naturally want to do. I enjoyed that conversation. Yeah, you got fired up there for a second. No, you got fired up. We got through one of like 15 pages of it. Literally.

Let me show you what we were supposed to get there. We got through section one. We'll be talking about this again. And we had five. So anyway, thank you for listening. If you made it this far, please subscribe to the show. That was a different episode than we'd ever done. More recent news type of stuff.

We're talking more about dinks and dating in part two. Great. Thank you for listening. That's all we have. I'm Andrew. I'm Sean. See you next. time.