259 | Relationship Hot Takes
00:00What's up, everybody?Welcome back to a couple things.With Sean and Andrew.Today's a fun one, potentially.I feel like every time we sit down to film one of these, we script them to have like an ideaof what we're talking about.You choose the one that's like the most brain heavy.I'm sorry, but you know what?
00:18The last couple I've done that with, we've had fantastic conversations.So welcome back to another one.Today is a little more recent news type vibe than we usually do.There's this...Up-and-coming trend that has been labeled dinks.Yeah.That has been circulating in news.There's like a bunch of CNBC news spots.
00:40Dual income, no kids.That's right.That's right.There's also a dating recession happening.So we're just going to go through some of these headlines that we came across.What we think about it as just a married old couple.Yeah.So this will be interesting.
00:55But also in the middle of this episode, we are going to introduce one of our new segment.we sit down with Mary Borman and we just think that there are certain phenomenal storiesthat are worth sharing and Mary's is one of them so stay tuned for that you're going to reallyenjoy that interview but that will be spliced in with this and we're going to try to includemore and more of those special stories into episodes and if you have any of those type ofsegments that you would like to submit then let us know you could send us an email you can findthe email in the show notes or the description down below or you could tag us onInstagram. We love meeting new people and I'm so glad we got to meet Mary. Also, the comment of the
01:35day today is from Jessica. Do you want to read it? Yes. It says, love your Risa episode. So awesome,you had the Freeman's on. We love learning from them. I love how real and honest y'all were aboutthe realities of parenting little kids at all different ages and personalities being business owners,all while striving to model and create a healthy marriage. We so relate to these and appreciate thelittle tips and reminders to check in with each other love things that's right uh i was recentlyre-inspired by what we're doing and the and the type of content that we make and i just am reallygrateful that uh there's an audience of like-minded people that listen to it and we have a blast soi'm learning we hope you're learning and this has really been a special time for sean and i
02:22to connect so that's all i'll say about that i really enjoy thistoo. All right. So today we are going to be covering some relationship headlines, reasons that Gen Z is dating less, and talk about if there is a relationship regression that's going on overall. And we're not experts on this. We should disclose. We just looked up some research and we're pretty shocked by our findings. So we wanted to share. I will say, I'm, I just got my research proposal approved by my professor for my PhD.Wait, have you told me this?No, this just happened today.Right, right.But it's been a slow, agonizing process.I told you when I submitted it.Yeah.
03:04But just got the green light.That's huge, baby.Yeah, yeah.So, but anyway, as it pertains to these studies,I have garnered a skill in sorting through what's true, what's not,where could there be some false information portrayed, et cetera, et cetera.So you're saying you're smart.I'm saying maybe we'll be able to cut through someone that's being.
03:26Yes, if there is any.We'll see.We'll see.Let's read some of these headlines, though.Okay.Gen Z's Romance Gap, why nearly half of young men aren't dating.That's right.This is from AIBM.org, and it says a survey conducted by the Survey Center on American Life found that only 56% of Gen Z adults and 54% of Gen Z men said they were involved in a romantic relationship at any point during their time.
03:56teenage years.Interesting.Were you involved in a romantic relationship in your teenage years?Yeah.Teenage is up to 19.13 to 19?Yeah, I was.Were you?
04:12Yeah, I was.Yeah.But that statistic is a major change from previous generations where teenage dating wasmuch more common.More than three quarters of baby boomers, 78% to be exact.And 76% of Gen Xers report having had a boyfriend or girlfriend as teenagers.What's the difference between Gen X and Millennial?Gen X is above us or below us?
04:36Why aren't millennials?I think it goes, Baby Boomer, Gen X, millennial, Gen Z.From oldest to youngest.And this also gives reasons why teens are dating.They say video games.Trash.Technology.and lastly,
04:56teenagers no longer view it as a priority.That's kind of crazy.It is crazy.It's sad.It means there's so much,there's so many distractions.Well, oh.Go ahead.
05:10See?Oh, now you're into it all of a sudden.Now she's into it.Now my brain feels flooded.Also, I get intimidated by some of theseof like, am I going to come off wrong?But whatever.Who cares?
05:27I love our content.I've talked to, we've said this before it,because I like showing the beautiful side of familyand how beautiful family can be in marriageand having kids even, having all of us.And I think that isn't showcased for the majorityand a positive light in today's society.I think we live behind a screen
05:48and screens are edited.And all of those.edited stories and variations of family are usually not good.We live in a world of algorithms where they're not,algorithms aren't designed to show you like real happy,non-confrontational, non-edgy, not clickbait stuff.Not mundane and just chill and.You're saying the wow factor of all these Instagram videos that people see overpower the subtle wow that you experience as a parent or in a deep relationship?
06:37Yes, I mean, like if you were to look at all the screens combined that like kids are consuming these days and like what they're being targeted with is when it comes to like algorithms and like content and what people are creating.The majority of that is showing, like, either showing things in a negative light.Because if you turn on the news, the news wants to cover things that will capture your attention, right?So that's who got killed and who got divorced and who is what drama is happening in Hollywood and who fell out of love again and who lost to this person in their life.It's all negative and heavy.They aren't showcasing, oh, Patty and Jim have been married 97 years.you know they're not doing that and then you get on instagram and teenagers who are like on social mediaare usually being targeted by promiscuous and edgy and clickbait stuff it's not they're not just
07:35watching happy ever after endings all day every day so i think in a world that's showing them so muchnegative why would you want to date well it's interesting so there's been negative news since thebeginning of news, you know, but I guessmaybe the quantity and thevolume of negative news, you're right, mightdistract. But alsothere's actually alady Frya India who talks about
08:02this. There's areally interesting, has an interestingperspective, but she talks about howthe statistics onlikethe toppercentage ofattractive females, like there's just
08:20on social media, when you see an attractive female,everyone's like, okay, I'm benchmarking my expectationagainst that look, okay?Like just the statistics back that up.She's also talking about how there's less of a desireto get married within women.And that gender is just like more ambitiousand career-oriented, which is fascinating.
08:47And part of me when I read the headline thought,okay well maybe they're just delaying relationships and kicking the can down the road but a graphthat I'm looking at right now shows that actually um millennials are not getting married as frequentlyas gen Xers or the previous generation hopefully we could show this graph but like it is by agedefinitely uh later as the generations progress people are getting married later and and lesswhich is fascinating.You and I have talked about this.I think there are difficulties
09:25and there are cons to getting married younglike we did in our early 20s.But I also think it has the greatest chance of successlong term.Because I do feel likesome of your most formative yearsare in your 20s.You're either investing more time
09:44into a lifestyle of businessor you're investing more timeinto a lifestyle family and I'm not saying you can't have both but I do think for us being able tolike solidify our foundation as a family and then work on business afterwards shaped our entire lifeI think it is very difficult and we've seen this with a lot of friends when you use all of thoseyears to like really integrate yourself in the business world and then you find yourself in your 30sor 40s, and you're like, oh, I want a husband or I want a wife and I want to start a family.One, your pool, unfortunately, is just so much smaller.
10:23And you're so much more set into your lifestyle in ways that the disruption is so much moregreater trying to find someone.Which accounts for the fewer marriages, maybe.Yes.If you're getting married later in life, you're naturally going to have fewer marriagesbecause people are just like, I can't change.my habits.You're not a kid like, oh, let's just figure life out together.
10:49You're literally like a formed, mature adult.And you're like, this is how I do life.You're either going to fit into it or you're not.There's not a lot of like give and take.All right, listen.If you really want to win Mother's Day this year, don't get her another candle or mug.Wait, but I was going to get one that says world's best mom.No.
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12:09One, all the research shows from day.from elderly people that relationships and family are the highest correlated to a meaningfullife, which is pretty ambiguous target.I know that's an opinion, by the way.You might have a different one.No, no.That's what people say.The old people say relationships was my most meaningful thing.
12:34I know.I agree with it.But I'm saying, like, there are other people out there that, like, would argue and say,I can't have a meaningful life because I invested my life in business.No, no, there's a lot of ways to have a meaningful life.I'm just saying if you talk to people who are at the end of the road,it's usually family, and it's usually kids.But you cannot control your success and your career, really.
12:56There are certain extraneous factors,but you can control putting your head down and focusing on your familyand building that.So, like, the one thing that simultaneously leads to, quote, unquote,the most meaningful, happy life is a thing that in some ways you have control.over more than the thingthat is more short-termenticing that you don't have
13:18control over. I think it's so interestingthough becauseeverything that we're sayingis notunderstood fully untilyou're at the end of the road, right?So you have all of these youngguns saying, I want to be a billionaire.
13:35You know, I want toget into the tech industryand be the next Elon Musk and whatever.And they put their nose to the groundright?I'm not sure that's the same way.They grind, whatever.And say they get there.
13:51Statistically, the people who have done thisand have found themselvesin their 70s, 80s, 90s, as a billionaire,have said, you know what?It wasn't worth it.We've gone down the road.Or it wasn't the best thing.Or it wasn't the best thing.
14:06Or why didn't Igo back and focus moreon my kids or a family or being at home and then yeah it's the same thing people who do focus onfamily get to the end of the road and they're like I feel like I did it right I mean it is aparadox though people think that having money will make them attractive when finding a matekind of I guess like maybe that does make you slightly more favorable as far as people wantingto marry you like as a candidate but it's definitely not theonly thing so don't hyper focus on that yeah anyway uh that was fascinating good discussion okay
14:48the next headline is called the societal cost of the marriage decline oh wow the societal costof the marriage decline this topic really fascinates me so here the highlights marriage is positivelyassociated with greater community involvement across a range of different activitiestwo-thirds of single Americans report that they have felt no pressure from their family to get marriedand three for young people uncertain about whether getting married or starting a family is worth itamerican culture offers little in the way of reassurance that's my pointamerican culture says that but i mean this is what wisdom is i was just thinking about this likein our athletic careers you have a coach who who knows more the path that you need to walk down
15:36to help you achieve your goals.For me, it was, I want to play professional football.For you, at some point, I want to be an Olympic gymnast.Yeah.The coach knows what it takes to get there.You do not.He's going to put you through uncomfortable situations.Yeah.
15:49Things that you don't think you're capable of,maybe that you see as unnecessary.And in that process, you become the person you need to beto be an Olympic gymnast or an NFL player.So it's like, wisdom is trusting that the person who is further down the line,knows something different and better than you do we we both had the blessing of having mentorsand people who are giving us that wisdom who didn't take advantage of that right they let usalong the tried and true path which not everybody has that blessing so I'm thankful for that
16:26but like who might know something more than you and then deputize them give them the authorityto say okay this is uncomfortable for me but I trustyou yeah okay and that's what I'm saying old people provide that wisdom where it's like hey youthink money's the dopest but maybe there's another side to this do you trust them or not what do you thinkabout that I agree I agree with all of this but it's hard because I it paints I don't want thisto be painted as a picture of like oh we're just old school or we're traditional or we goagainst modern ways like that's not it i just do think and believe i have lived kind of on both sidesof like a really successful career and this just feels so much more purposeful real quick we'll get
17:26back to the show but we did want to bring you our interview with mary boorman who is a phenomenalathlete super inspirational we love talking with her her smile and giggle really made my dayShe is about to become the first woman with Down syndrome to complete an Ironman.She talks to us about her training, why she's so passionate about this, everything that she has completed and done up to this point.And it's kind of her passion behind it, which is a lot of fun.So here's our interview with Mary Borman.Mary, welcome to the show.Thanks for joining us.
17:55How are you today?I'm good.How are you?We're doing well.Mary, your laundry list never ending of titles,achievements, and accolades is so incredibly impressive.What inspired you to take on all of this?Hmm.
18:14I guess I just want my life, I just want to live my life to the fullest and see what I can do.And that's what I really love to do.And every day how accomplished is what I'm so proud of.So I'm looking here at your whole list of education, the, uh,advocacy, your community involvement, the award you've won, the athletics that you'veaccomplished, what is your favorite thing that you have done thus far?To me, that's a hard question because people ask me what's my favorite, and I don'tthink I have any favorites.
18:56I think that's just my whole life right there, and I love my life.was there one thing that you've accomplished that you're most proud of because of the work that went into it or like the pivot that it caused in your life well right now i love training so i am well the next goal is to do a half hour a marathon day and that's one of the goals that i would like to see to accomplishMary, you're training to become the first woman with Down syndrome to actually accomplish the half iron man.Correct.What gave you, what gave you this dream?Well, I was already a swimmer.I was an Olympic swimmer, so, and I love running.I mean, I have my mom to run with, and it's absolutely amazing.
19:54And plus, sometimes, like, sometime when,people were like kids we learned how to bike for the very first time for me that did not happenfor me and so I learned how to bike like not that long though and I was like thinking okayI want to do this I want to do a triathlon and see what I can do I like to push myself tolimit and see what I can do wait so you're out there training with your mom is that you guysalways train together we trained we trainedLike, we do strikes training one day a week, and most of the time, I'm running with her.It's just not really good backer or swimmer, so I'd do it myself, but it's fun.
20:42You said she's not a good biker or swimmer?That's funny.Kudos to you.Sean and I, we can't train together.Yeah.She's too intense, and she probably knows more about things that she's always trying to coach me on.Mary, when is your race?Well, by now
20:58I'm doing an internationalTriathlonOzark Valleyand that's herevery localand that's insometime inthe 22nd
21:11of June.Wow.Amazing.Can you talk aboutwhat your traininglooks like on a day-to-day basis?Well, it'sit's kind of
21:20it's likecrazybecause I have this appbut they would tell mewhat I, what kind of workouts that I do during the day. So let's say, um, today, I'm supposed to go,I was supposed to go swimming. Well, I don't think you know, but it's actually a bad weather.So I don't know, but I might do a peloton or run just to see what I can do. And it's likeevery day and one day of week is my recovery day.
21:56Because I need to, like, I need to recover.Wow.How many hours a day are you training?25 hours a week.Oh, wow.Oh, my gosh.That's a lot, Mary.Jeez.
22:11With all the races that you've accomplished already,whether it be swimming or running, biking,how does it feel to cross a finish line?I don't know how to say this,But I do know is that I felt like I did something that I did and something I really am proud of.And I really wanted to continue doing that.And how do you think the finish line will feel when you cross it for the Half Iron Man?I probably like, well, I usually cry every time I finish the race.
22:49And so I'm just crying, feel like, oh, my God, I did it.I found I did it.Oh, my God.I can't believe it.And I've got to run into my mom's arms and said, honey, I did it.Oh, my gosh.Is this the hardest race that you've trained for so far?So far, I haven't done it in a competition yet.
23:13But hopefully soon I will because that would be so thank.I'll be so proud of to accomplish.Mary, I'm curious if you had one thing to show.share to people out there listening who might doubt themselves or might not think they couldaccomplish all that you've accomplished, what would you tell them?I'll tell them that anything is possible.That's for me because nothing is possible for anyone who really wants to do something.And if they're, let's say if they're talking about doing something, maybe just do it.
23:54without like talking about it and just really push yourself to the limit and just see what you can doand somebody else can do that too as well with you.Thank you for being a tangible example of what that looks like.Is it easy for you to roll out of bed and do your, you know, four or five hours of training every day?What happens on a bad day for you?Like, how do you overcome those bad days?Well, I just remember that there are people around me and I just can't, like, they can't be mean to them because that's how I get to when I get into bad moods.But sometimes I learn to, and nowadays I'm thinking to myself, okay, if I can't say anything nice, why should I talk?
24:47And so I just keep that to myself and just let it go past me and I just do what I can do.Mary, what else is on your list to accomplish?What are your dreams?I have a bunch of dreams in my life, and so far I have no idea.For me, I'd like to see where my life would take me.I'd be sure want to marry someone who is my best friend.I mean, it'd be nice to have a, like, a really serious athlete with me, so because I'm also an athlete, so that'd be great.Also, while to travel across the world, I am quite adventurous myself.
25:36I mean, I jump out of the airplane to do skydiving.I mean, that's something that I liked.I think I like to model.I think I want to be a Peloton inspector.Keep on going.I'm loving this list.I love the dreams, Mary.Let's go.
25:58You got me fired up.Man, well, this has been an absolute treat.You have a wonderful smile, a wonderful personality, a wonderful approach to life.And I, for one, cannot wait to see what else you accomplish.We're going to be watching you and all you do in June.good luck keep training and thank you for being an inspiration to us all we're rooting for youmary but thank you for making you thank you all right thank you for listening to that segmentmary thank you for joining us and now back to the show i started packing for our summer travel
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27:28and enter code shopmintel 15 at checkoutto receive 15% off your order.That's shopmino.comcode shopmino 15 for 15% off.Here's some more stats from this article.Young woman expressedgrowing reservations about starting a familyand many believe marriage benefits them less than it does men.
27:47Less than half of young women, 45% to be exact, age 18 to 34, without children,say they still want to have kids at some point in the future.Among men, 57% report that they do want to be fathers.So there's less of a desire to have kids from women than men.What this stat is telling me.So another quote is, in our self-obsessed culture,much of the debate around marriage has focused on what the institution offers individuals.Does it make me happier, feeling more fulfilled?
28:21But research shows that marriage is a critical component to establishing healthy connected communities as well.That's really deep, dude.It's like marriage unlocks all this other stuff that you don't think.I also think the whole decline of women wanting to have kids has a lot to do with how our specific society,values mothers.And I do think if you look, what?I agree with you,but there's also this expectation,
28:55I don't know,this is super confusingbecause the women pay gap thingwhere it's like, okay,when you start a career,yeah, there's going to be a natural gapwhen you have a kid,you know what I'm saying?
29:07Yeah, I don't think you're understanding.I think...it has been exposed so much.I do think in the American culture,in American society,it's really hard for a working motherto, like, get pregnant and have a kidand go on a maternity leave
29:30that's maybe a week or too long,and maybe they're getting half payand they're a single mom or single incomeor their dual income,but still having to, like, work.I think there's such anunrealistic expectation on mothers in the United Statesto do it all
29:50and instead of honoring a mother to be a motherand honoring that that is a joband I'm not saying be a stay-at-home mombut like for a decent duration of timeafter you have a kidif we honored mothers within that positionto say you should be home with a babyand you should be able to heal
30:12and take care of yourself and your job will still be here and you are still getting paidI think that would change a lot I think there is such a high increase in like postpartum depressionand postpartum anxiety and like all of these rates that it's it truly scares women to have kidsbecause they don't feel supported yeah and to hear how many people are like oh I don't have familyclose. Like, I don't know how I'm going to do this. I don't know how I'm going to go back to work atthree weeks postpartum and survive. I would say that that is a indication that men aren't steppingup to the plate too. I think it's also a huge indication. But even that, that puts a lot of pressureon men. Yeah, I think there should be. Like a healthy amount of pressure. For sure. But I do think
31:02there is a massive issue within the government of how, like, we are supporting and ourculture of how we're supporting mothers.Well, with, like, paternity leave?Paternity leave, maternity leave,postpartum protocols,just all of it.Like, if you studied other cultures,like postpartum, some,
31:25maternity leave is like a year.Where there are some women who, like,within their cultures aren't allowed to get out of bed for two weeks.Like, literally, that is the culture.But within those other cultures,it's like this honoring legacyof like all your family's there and I just think we have set this precedent where we arecelebrating women to a certain extent more than we ever have and encouraging women to be
31:53super ambitious and to stand up to have equal pay and to like do everything which women arewe're doing that right now which is incredible but then on the other hand we're not honoring andsupporting them when they also want to become a mother yeah it's interesting i mean there are a lot ofcultural factors uh where it's like america is capitalism baby you know it's like no one has the productivityor the innovation that the u.s does which comes at a cost right like we need you back to work sooneryou know uh there's also like the mobility of young couples moving across the country away fromtheir families like there's just a lot of dynamics at play that feed into this um also that a recentstudy found that the average cost of child care increased by 32 percent so it's like there are a lot
32:50of costs that are deterring couples from having kids um our culture also does not celebrate ornormalize multi-generational living we'vetalked about this too.Whereas, like, if we celebrated that more and encouraged that more as a society,we would have more honoring of, like, grandparents living in a home with you and helpingtake care of a newborn.But we don't live in that kind of culture.I need to ponder this more because now you got, I mean, there's like so many things that
33:30seem to be broken in the system.Well, I think it's a separation.we're trying to like modernize our country right we're trying to be so forward thinking that it's likewe're separated by this idea of like we can either go back in time and be like quote trad wivesand that be the whole thing or we can be modernized women who are you know in space and we're doingall of this just like the guys but we can't have both and I'm like that doesn't make sense it should be bothwe should be celebrated as mothers and women and wiveswho can also be ambitious and have jobs and...
34:15Yeah, but it might be both, but it might be less of either, you know?You probably can't maximize your career and do family.I know.For either gender.But it's a...We're going to...And vice versa.Way in a black hole.
34:28But it's also diminishing the idea that like a woman being able to have a childlike you're also taking away to a certain extent part of whatI would say well this is what I'm studyinghow becoming a parent affects the goal orientation and productivity ofentrepreneurs so it'll be interesting to see the results of the survey that wesend out but I think if you're trying to optimize for fulfillmentso far what I've seen isdoing both
35:07is a great way to gobecause work mattersfamily mattersbut there is alikeit's maybe less optimizedfor productivityand more for meaning
35:21is what it seemsbut I think the wholedecline in datingare kids and peoplebeing so overwhelmedby I have to chooseroute.I think
35:36both, yeah.I think American society is split down the middle.They're like, you can either choose ambition, success, business, or you can choosestay at home, not have an identity and like other, anything else than being marriedand having kids.So we have to come up with theoretical foundations for our thought process.Two things that might be worth looking at.into for those listening work family enrichment theory and family systems theory are what I'm
36:08basing my study off of so work family enrichment theory says I learn things at work that I carry overand apply to my home life and vice versa I'll learn things in my family home life and marriagethat help me be a better business woman or businessman and vice versa and then family systemstheory says you can't understand the individual without understanding the family you can'tunderstand the family without understanding the individual and they they mutually affect each other so it'slike there is support and there's there's the opposite of that that happens in the family where it's likefamily stresses can take away from productivity but it can also enhance in certain ways just fascinatingstuff so I agree that they should be able to be uh what's the word a they should be able to
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38:08single most young women are not nobody seems entirely sure what the reason for the giantrelationship gap is but the most popular theory is that young women are more likely to be dating older menthere it is that makes more sense interestingokay why would that be dating older menanyway you want to move to the next oneI don't know why that would beunless you're wanting someone who's moreI mean simplistically
38:46simply putdon't more matureyeah women mature faster than menyeahyeah that could be trueDang, this is deep.Also, we're not going to get throughthis whole episode, no chance.
39:03That's what I was trying to say.No chance.Well, let's get through these headlinesand then we could make it out.We've got to get through the reasons.No.Okay.No, no, no.
39:11We're just going to get through the headlines.Okay.Next headline is marriage rates plummetreflecting a societal shifttowards fewer committed partnerships.Okay.So,social norms that define,
39:28and guide people's behavior within the institution of marriage are weakening, according toChurlin. People today experience greater freedom in how to be married and in when and whetherto marry at all. Several factors have contributed to marriages deinstitutionalization, including therise of unmarried childbearing, the changing division of labor in the home, the growth ofunmarried cohabitation, and the emergence of same-sex marriages. Marriage rates plummet,reflecting a societal shift towards fewer committed partnerships.I think we live in a time and phase and culture of me.I think that is why.
40:05The next headline is this is not the relationship I ordered.Yeah.I think we have, we're in this, like, epidemic where it's like, what can I do to take care of me in any type of marriage?I don't care if it's same sex or not.that's not going to work.And so if we're just trying to breed a selfish societyand pass that on to the next generation,then no, you're not being taught at a foundational level
40:44to like serve other people.So why would you want to serve someone for the rest of your lifeif all you're being taught right now is like,it's focus on you.but it's a balance because that's kind of true you know to a point what focusing on you yeah yeahyeah and marriage does benefit me to a certain extent i mean this goes back to our marriage happinessepisode but if that's the main point then you're missing the whole thing kind of but if the whole pointwe missed in that argument that podcast was like i don't wake up thinking about my happiness yeah yeah yeah
41:24I wake up thinking about yours.Not initially you didn't, right?Not at the beginning?Yes.That's a trained habit.Well, no, but like if you aren't willing to get there,then it's good, that's good.It's not ever going to work.
41:47And so if you are anti-marriage,because like we have someone that we've,we know and we've heard them say before it like this relationship doesn't serve me it's likeno relationship ever will serve you but you see what i'm saying like it's kind of true that therelationship should serve you but that's not the that's not the main focus i agree butif you if you aren't willing to sacrifice that and give up some of your freedomthen you're just treading water and you're not going deep yes and I do think our society only focuses on that they focus on marriage being this thing that takes away your freedom and it takes away your choice and it takes away your rights and it takes away your ability to work on you and it takes away your ability to travel and it takes away your ability to travel andAnd it's painted in such a heavy negative light.
42:59If all we were doing as society was like painting the picture in the opposite of like it's so fulfilling and it's so beautiful and it actually helps your business and it actually like think of how different people would feel about the idea of marriage if it wasn't just negative.I don't know though, but you can't in the moment, it's one of those things.That's paradoxical because in the moment, it doesn't always feel fulfilling.The arguments where you're calling me out on one of my nonsense habits, that doesn't feel fulfilling or meaningful to me.That feels painful and uncomfortable.And it's not until five years later where I see like, holy crap, I'm so glad Sean called me out on my BS habit.That, like, you can't, there's no acute messaging for that where it's just a slow burn.I know.
43:52but if that was a societal norm being talked about,it wouldn't feel as scary right now as it does.Does that make sense?Like you and I, to a certain extent, feel like we're out there doing this alonebecause people don't talk about this.But if everybody painted this light that like marriage is fulfilling and it is beautifuland at the end of the day and at the end of the lifetime,you're going to add it all up and it's going to average out as being so positive.
44:22but you will go through lows and you will go through emotional ups and downs and stuff that wouldn't feel as like you're going through the trenches it would you'd be like oh yeah this is what people talk about this is a part of it yeah whereas right now we live on the opposite side of that where people say I live in such a world of me of like I should be happy I should feel fulfilled I should feel served that if you get into that trench oh you're another statistic of divorceoh, marriage just wasn't worth it for youbecause it was, like, it's so negativethat people get so scared about anythingthat could possibly go wrongbecause the world paints just a negative picture.I think you're in a really unique positionbecause of the higher understanding
45:09that people have of that phenomenonin regards to athletics.Like, that's a way more tangible example of,hey, do hard things and it pays off.And you applying that mindset to relationships, which I think we both have, I think is really unique.So it gets me excited.But same exact thing, paralleling that, is like, you watch the Super Bowl or the Olympics,and you see all these pieces done documentary style pieces done of all these athletes.
45:43Every single athlete is saying the same exact thing who's standing up there with a medal,which is, it was rough.I had years sometimes.Hard work.Where, like, it was blood, sweat, and tears.But this is the coolest, most amazing thing I've ever done in my life.And I wouldn't change it for the world.Now, if we were doing documentary style pieces on marriage like that,
46:06all of these statistics would probably be different.People would be encouraged to be like,let's see if I can conquer that.I like your passion here.Thank you.Next headline.Is romance really dead? This is CNN health.The percentage of Americans who don't have a steady partner is up 50% since 1986.
46:28Americans are also less likely to have sex than at any point since 1989.Fewer Americans are celebrating Valentine's Day now than they did at the end of the 2000s, whatever.The decline isn't just about the pandemic either since the downtrend was happening before 2020.Interesting.so there's all these shows about love um let's see this also gives that's 44% of millennials bornbetween 19801 and 1996 were married in 2019 53% of gen xers who are at 1965 to 1980 birthdays61% of baby boomers this is what that graph was that I showed earlier and 81% of the silentgeneration uh were married at a comparable age
47:16partnership rates are having a ripple effect on other aspects of love too like sex there's adecline in romantic relationships as a leading factor for why young adults are having less sexcompared with previous decades man so why is the sex I don't think the Valentine's Daystat is resonating with me really other than like the intentionalityof pursuing a relationship maybe but like the sex thing that is kind of fascinatingwhere it's like what are we are humans just becoming like asexual like not having sexyou know what I'm saying I think probably to a certain extent if you're single one nightstands and trying to hook up with people probably gets old and hard so you just stop doing it
48:10it probably gets more and more like far and few in between well I do thinkYou're probably not going to the bars as much trying to be like, hey, you want to go back?Like, I do think that if you're trying to optimize for the most amount of sex in a life, marriage is a good way to do it because of that, right?Like, probably if you were going to average, like, in a decade age, the 20s, you probably have less sex if you're married.But 30s, 40s, 50, 60s, I would argue that you have more sex when you're married.But, like, think, not to get weird here, but like, think about how often we're having.having sex okay I think about it all the time maybe okay if every time that happened that had to bethe result of us actively going out a lot of effort to find someone to bring back home new or not
49:04like does that make sense yeah that takes so much effort well it it is a lot of effort it'salso um kind of risky in the sense of like having that many people in your home in an intimate wayis like risky in many different ways many different categories of life just like healthI'm talking about security yes security all those different things um but I also I'm trying tonavigate how to talk about this one because like some people really put sex on a pedestalLike we know a couple of people thatsex is the make or break thingof the relationship, you know?
49:49I don't feel that way.I amgrateful when we have sex, you know?There's so many aspects that, like, we value.I do think that stat, though,is more of a psychological phenomenonof what?Nothing.
50:11I just think it,it all goes down, comes down to the storiesour world is choosing to share.Here's why I actually think,I think it's how are people spending their time?Are you just doing all these like video games?Like we talked about earlier.Stop playing video games.
50:26But that could, or porn,that can drown out sex, right?Which it's like, so you're not enjoyingthese subtle gifts that were givenas humans. You're more likejust pouring into the screen.Again, this is exactly what I'm,like just pounding down but it's like I don't know any of the what are the what are they called
50:55the like sayings what are you talking about I was going to say beat a dead horse and then Isaid pounding down I don't know what the sayings are but the idea of like we aren't just lookingnext door anymore like literally out your front door at like the families or the people you'renot like walking down the street and like gathering your information from like people around youyou're gathering it from stories you're seeing on screens which like I said they're editedthere's an algorithm behind them and the more shocking negative they are the more likely you'regoing to see it so the whole porn video games social media side of that that's where people aregathering their data they're not gathering it from nancy frank joe betty and laura out their windows
52:03super interesting yeah the sex thing is interesting to me that stat just not because of the actualbut what are the ramifications like an inability to appreciate the thing that is it's like can youappreciate a sunset you know people a lot of people can't anymore well I also think I mean thereis an economic side to this too where it's like hey I can't have a family or we can't I don'tknow there's there's many factors and I do have closing thoughts on this but we have one moreheadline and then we're going to do a part two yes we're30, 40 minutes into this.If you're looking to wake up refreshed and ready for the day, you have to check out Lagoon
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53:01Yeah, she's not lying.I just ripped our pillow case off of this.This lies on her bed.I wonder why this was sitting on the kitchen table this morning.But if you think about this, the thing that you lay your head on for eight hoursa night. And if it's not exactly right, it can lead to tossing, turning or even worse, youcan wake up having that unrelenting kink in your neck. Yep, which you get a lot. And, you know,maybe you get really hot at night. But anyway, Lagoon has pillow technology that stays cool all
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53:52I'm refreshed and pain-free thanks to Lagoon right there.Go to LagoonSleep.com slash EastFam and take their awesome two-minute sleep quiz to find your match.Use code EastFam for 15% off your first purchase.Check it out.Singledem has peaked.A number of unpartnered adults in America declines for first time in two decades.Survey says.Okay, so American adults are looking for love and many are reporting they found someone.
54:23For the first time in almost two decades, the share of unpartnered adults who are neither married nor living with an unmarried partner in the United States has declined.This decline coincided with a slight rise in couples who reported being married.Okay, so they're saying that peak of singledom that we've been talking about...Is declining.Is declining.Doesn't know whether the trend will continue, but noted that the changes signified a possible shift in the direction for America's relationships.I hope so.that's a good article close on because
55:05there's nothing better than spending your lifewith your best friend well even the way we've been talking about this has been kind ofplaying into the headlines for sureand I think that there is more room for hopethan all those headlines portrayand maybe then our tone suggested in thisbecause what I do knowis I believe that you could change the world one person at a time, one decision at a time, right?
55:39I have the power to make a decision.And I think that people tend to want to make good decisions.I think that is an inherent desire.So I think that people can make that change.And that's hopeful.I agree.It's hopeful.I hope everyone finds a partner that they get to wake up to every day of their life
56:09and fight with in such a beautiful way to have that fulfillment at the end of it.I'm also hopeful because there's role models like you out there who are changing the tideof what people view is aspirational.I was just listening about Alex Cooper, how her whole podcast,initially was about like blow jobs and all the sex stuff that all that stuffthat's great to that one and just kind of implying like hey don't settle down type of behaviorwhen all the while she was in this committed relationship which is kind of a funny like that is areally prime example of like hey this is what people want to hear about is all these crazy stories about
56:58hookups and whatever.So this is actually how I'm living.But this is the good life, you know?And so hopefully there will be more role models like you, but I admire you.I appreciate you.And you.No, no, no.No, I'm not the role model like you.
57:16Thank you, though.What?I'm just here to force you to do podcasts on topics that you might not naturally want to do.I enjoyed that conversation.Yeah, you got fired up there for a second.No, you got fired up.We got through one of like 15 pages of it.Literally.
57:34Let me show you what we were supposed to get there.We got through section one.We'll be talking about this again.And we had five.So anyway, thank you for listening.If you made it this far, please subscribe to the show.That was a different episode than we'd ever done.More recent news type of stuff.
57:50We're talking more about dinks and dating in part two.Great.Thank you for listening.That's all we have.I'm Andrew.I'm Sean.See you next.time.
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