Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 296 | we don't need each other anymore

Episode Date: January 28, 2026

This episode got raw. In Episode 2 of our series, we sit down as husband and wife and say the words that made us most vulnerable: we don’t need each other. What started as an honest conversation turned emotional—tears, tension, disagreements, and a level of vulnerability we’ve never shared publicly. We talk about breaking free from co-dependency, redefining partnership, and what it actually means to choose each other instead of needing each other to survive. We’d love to hear your thoughts— 👉 Did this episode resonate with you? 👉 Did it challenge how you see relationships? 👉 Any insights or personal experiences you want to share? Please keep the conversation respectful and open. This space is for reflection, not judgment. Momentous ▶ Thanks to Momentous for partnering with us! Get up to 35% off your first order using our link https://momentous.yt.link/qjjU1zE or code SHAWNANDREW to try Momentous Creatine Chews for yourself. Kachava ▶ Rewild your nutrition at https://www.kachava.com and use code EASTFAM. New customers get twenty dollars off an order of two bags or more, now through the 31st! Wayfair ▶ Get organized, refreshed, and back on track this new year for WAY less. Head to https://www.Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. Dupe ▶ Using https://www.Dupe.com is insanely simple. Just paste any product URL — or even upload a photo — and it’ll instantly show you similar items for way less. There’s also an app and a browser extension if you want to make it even easier. No account needed, totally free. Start saving money with https://www.Dupe.com today. Go-GURT Simply ▶ Go-GURT Simply comes in flavors like Strawberry and Mixed Berry, and you can find it at a retailer near you. Just a quick note: Go-GURT Simply contains 16 grams of total sugar per serving and 5 grams per tube, while Original Go-GURT contains 23 grams of total sugar per serving and 7 grams per tube. Follow our podcast Instagram ▶ https://www.instagram.com/shawnandandrewpods/ Follow My Instagram ▶ https://www.instagram.com/ShawnJohnson Follow My Tik Tok ▶ https://www.tiktok.com/@shawnjohnson Shop My LTK Page ▶ https://www.shopltk.com/explore/shawnjohnson Like the Facebook page! ▶ https://www.facebook.com/ShawnJohnson Follow Andrew’s Instagram ▶ https://www.instagram.com/AndrewDEast Andrew’s Tik Tok ▶ https://www.tiktok.com/@andrewdeast?lang=en (00:00) we don’t need each other (03:00) accolades, do they matter? (10:43) what’s factual vs what’s emotional (15:00) “it doesn’t mean anything if you’re by yourself” (18:47) can you have an integrated, codependent marriage? (26:05) we can, but we’re better as a team (31:11) “i could, but is that what i want?” (38:22) choosing each other (43:56) we don’t know, but we’re trying (52:16) is the grass greener? can i do this alone? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ladies and gentlemen, we don't need each other. Sean does not need me. What are your thoughts? You know what I love, Andrew? What? You know what I love more than the argument that we got in? Probably the first week of dating when you're like, my job is to not make you happy.

You know what I love more than that is when you bring up stuff like this. Why? I feel like you might be getting sad at this thought. I am because I just think it's, I don't think this is a good way to go about marriage, to like remind each other all the time. Like, I just need you to remember. You don't need me and I don't need you.

And it's like, that's not the goal of marriage. Thank you. That's exactly the point. I know, but it's, that's not your argument. Your argument all the time is I need you to remember we don't need each other. No. And that's, it's like the, yeah, I just. It's really frustrating.

Okay, well, let's talk about this. Let's talk about this because I want to start by reading a list of your accolades here. Why? Because it emphasizes how you don't need me. And I think maybe it is good for you to be reminded of that, that you are an incredible woman. I don't need to be reminded that I don't need you because I do need you. And my marriage and my life is based on the idea that I need a teammate. And I've chosen you.

and so going down this rabbit hole of let me remind myself how much I don't need you is like contradictory to the way I live. Why does it get you so fired up? Because I don't know what you're trying to do here. And it does make me sad. Why? Because why even spend time acknowledging things that don't matter? I think this matters a lot because

it is a good reminder and actually really insightful to share explicitly the way you live. I know how you live. I also know, having been front row seat to it for 15 years, that you're a lot of people's role model. And so are you. And so there, I am just, you guys, I apologize for this. but I am saying this for the first time right now in the moment

and the thing that freaking pisses me off more than anything Andrew is the fact that one bring up special forces interview where we go down the self-deprecating and you can't see your own worth to look at this and see nothing but my accolades and have this be an interview

about let's remind you of your accolades no it's not that why aren't yours on here feel free to share them let me just run through a list of of yours, though. Four-time Olympic medalists, four-time world medalist. Known as one of the most consistent gymnasts. You're the Associated Press female athlete of the year, the U.S.O.C. Female Athlete Year, the Sports Illustrated Sportsman of the year, dancing with the stars winner, dates with the stars runner up, special forces winner,

New York Times bestselling author. You got the big social followings, you got all this stuff, You got the dream house. You don't need me. No, I don't, Andrew. We do. I agree. From an outsider's perspective, Sean, if I'm a young buck chasing my career and I'm like, I'm looking at the accolades, the stuff that I just read out.

Okay, why aren't yours on there? Go ahead and share them. Because I wrote this and I'm not going to write my own accolades. Feel free. I'm here to listen. Wait, you talk about that. I know what mine are. I don't need to share them.

If you would like to go for it. We're not even here to talk about the accolades, though. It was more of a proof that you are so self-sufficient, you're so ambitious, you crush anything you do. And it's like this, it is a totally different approach to life that you have, despite having accomplished all that, how you fight for our, marriage, how you fight for the relationships. And I thought that would be an episode worth talking about because I think a lot of people get confused or put the cart before the horse or jumble it all up. Yeah, but this is the same argument as not, it's not my job to make you happy.

You truly believe we should understand that we don't need each other. and I don't think that's a healthy mentality to keep within you. Okay. So I mean that in the sense that like back in the day, like thousands of years ago, the whole hunter-gatherer thing, there was a heavy dependence, like tangible need for each other's, whether it was for physical protection or for food or for, whatever like logistical concerns around the camp or the house like that was that was way more of a need i think modern culture with all of its fancy trinkets and accoutrements you have all these

like independent people who who realize i don't need you all i need is let me just listen to my podcast, let me do my gym workout, let me go do my career. There is an absence of that tangible need that there used to be. And if you look at the stats on loneliness, if you look at the stats on relationships, I'm correlating these two. And that's why I'm excited to hear your perspective on why you're still able to go hunt and kill. And that's why I'm excited to hear your perspective on why you're still able to go hunt and kill anything you do in this modern society where you have all the options

when you don't need to. Same with you. I know that. I'm not going to sit here and say, I'm going to go freaking hunt and kill. I don't need to be the macho guy like that. Say it for me. I'm asking you to.

Say my accolades. If it rubs you so wrong, say my accolades. Because, yeah, you're right. I got them. But if you're going to sit here and say poo-poo, Andrew doesn't believe in himself,

freaking say him. because I don't need, I don't need to say it myself. And I also don't need to say, I know how to hunt because I know I do. But my thing is, we both chosen to depend on each other, which makes it the best type of relationship there's ever been available in the history of the world. Because we don't need each other like they used to. But we freaking get each other and we build each other. And then that is like a superpower, dude.

This is very... Don't make this about me. Don't make it about me! The other morning, I stepped outside barefoot after it snowed, just for a second, and reminded me how grounding it feels to do something simple and real. And then I walked back inside, opened the pantry, and thought, why does nutrition feel so complicated? It really does feel complicated.

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Rewild your nutrition at kachava.com and use code EastFam. New customers get $20 off in order of two bags or more, now through the 31st. That's Kachava K-A-C-H-A-V-A-com Code EastFam. Tell me face-to-face that this is not personal. For what? We say that, you say this in arguments. How do you mean? You literally sit.

No, no, no. When you get poo-poo on yourself, I'm reminding you, you don't need me. You freaking, you got what it takes. You have what it takes. That's not true. I am here to help. that's not true within arguments you bring up you don't need me as if it's something that i should be reminded of and that's the opposite going into a marriage yes you can have all the accolades in the

world but if you allow yourself to have this mindset of like i don't freaking need you i can do it on my own i can be by myself and to have that reminder and to use that reminder in an argument and weaponize that is weaponizing this idea that you're right. We don't have to be a team or one. And if you allow yourself to believe this, then the team does not matter. And I think similar to the argument that we had, live on air, guys, of the freaking joy conversation, what is so factual and statistical to you is emotionally damaging to me. Because when you say a reminder of like, when you get all poo and I need you to remember

that you're a boss and you can handle everything on your own by yourself, it's like, yes, but I actively choose not to remind myself of that because that's not beneficial to our marriage or our family. And so when you remind me, it's this like, I need you to remember that I don't need you. and you don't need me.

And it's like, that hurts. So when I pull up a sheet like this, I'm like, I don't want to be reminded of this because it reminds me of like, I don't know what emotional. No, first of all, let me say I'm sorry. And you have so many wonderful accolades and stuff. I know, but like, I apologize.

I didn't write them down. This is put in front of me five seconds ago. I didn't get the chance. So then I feel like shitty because I'm like, yeah, let me. Let me get all your accolades and put them on here. I apologize. Don't weaponize that.

I'm not weaponizing it. You keep bringing it up. And I just want to say, I'm sorry. I just want to say I'm sorry. That was not what the intention of this was, was not to emotionally damage you or bring up things. When I say that, and I don't mean to weaponize it. I am sorry.

And I know you intended for this to be very different. But when I see that freaking head, that is personal in our arguments. I would like to take this opportunity to, in a less charged environment, talk about why I might say that. And I would like to say that, even at my worst, this is what I mean.

I will let you down. What hit me, no, Sean, okay. Oh my gosh. What hit me about this. Right there. That's the third phrase. in our marriage that really gets me. That's not me saying, that's not me saying,

endorse me letting you down. I'm not asking you to like, endorse me letting you down, nor am I asking you to accept that. Nor would you ever, thank goodness. We should have progress on the statement. I will let you down. Okay.

Because that is the third heavy hitter right there. I'm sorry, this is striking. I don't know. This is crazy. I'm on my period. I guess. That doesn't have to be true. How many couples do we know

who have had major fractures fractures in their marriage? Recently, I actually was shook by that news. And one of our best friends. Yeah. Of friends we know.

And then that's a severe case. And I think part of what leads to their being a drifting away is this unspoken desire to want to be needed and to be needed and not being met right maybe us speaking about this prevents that and also there being this like hey i got a lot of good things going on i'm doing red carpets getting all the fancy stuff I don't need you. And I don't need to spend the two hours that it takes to go through this conversation. And I don't need to come home tonight after work. I can go do my own thing.

And I am so grateful that you have not allowed that in our home. That would probably be something that would just subconsciously happen. Right. If like you start stacking wins in life and You start getting promotions, getting raises, getting opportunities. That doesn't mean anything if you're by yourself. Say more. This is what I want. Vulnerability real quick. So you guys understand the baggage of why I'm crying.

Two people we know have gotten divorces lately. And it makes me really sad. Makes me super sad. Yeah. And hearing these, I don't know, I need to ask freaking chat, GBT. We need to bring on a counselor. Three statements that I hate. As our four-year-old say,

we are not allowed to use the word hate in our household. But I will say this. Three statements I hate. My job is to not bring you joy. My job is to not make you happy. We don't need each other. And what was the third one? Oh, I will let you down.

All in the same moment. mindset of like if you actively aren't forcing your brain to choose every day that you do need each other your job is to serve your spouse and I'm going to try my damnedest to never let you down same there is a difference between saying that and saying the opposite the opposite is the glass half full or half empty. First of all, that joy conversation was super enlightening to me and was really helpful. I think the difference for me is like hearing those three statements stated in a way of pessimism and it feels like a cop out rather than stating him in the opposite way that I said in an optimistic, hopeful,

and deering way is very different. And I think, and I don't know why, but I do think that tiny little subtlety of like, in the back of my mind, absolutely, babe, I know I can be self-sufficient. You know you can too. But there is nothing good about thinking that to serve a marriage. Do I know I can pay the bills? Do I know I can take care of our children? Do I know I can take care of our household and hold a job and still strive without you? Yeah, but what good does it do for me to think about that? Nothing. If I'm not constantly thinking about the team and I think about myself as a solo human,

what needs do I need? What titles do I need? That does not serve our family. and I do think people can get very wrapped up very quickly in thinking and I don't know how to like separate this. I do think I need to take care of myself and make sure that like my mind is healthy and my body's healthy and like but when I get wrapped up in feeding an ego and me personally needing more and needing more titles for me, I don't think that does anything but tear apart our family. I agree. Beautifully set. I'm not saying these things as a way to like go get more for me. I say this more from a stance of how can we have a healthy and and beautifully integrated,

co-dependent marriage, which I think we want. Not unhealthy dependence. Like, I'm fully dependent on. Because there's a difference. And if you're sitting around waiting for me to make you happy, it's that that I'm pushing against, where it's like, no, hey, there's a deep well of joy that I cannot give you.

That's the spiritual aspect of things. I know. And I think, and maybe this is like, you're right, It is poorly phrased. But like... Yeah, don't say it like that again. For special forces, like the... We went into it having these conversations,

which you're right, was a high-intensity environment, which is probably not great to correlate that into home. But like, when you're at the edge of whether it be an actual cliff or off a helicopter or at home and you're feeling, there's this moment of desperation. There is something about having that resoluteness, about stealing yourself and saying, you know what, I can do this.

I can do this. It's like, and it's not, I can do this to shove it back in your face. I can do that because you stink and you're not helpful as a partner. I can do this because it's like, no, I am self, I have it. and I don't like it's a codependence from choice

and abundance as opposed to you still you're not seeing no because Henry Cloud was literally giving a sermon at our church and he said betrayal in any marriage you think of betrayal as like

some grand act he said betrayal in any marriage is simply the thought of not consider your spouse at any given moment in any given day. Is it more, is it having more consideration to say, I need you for this task to pay the bills? I don't know how to pay the bills. I need you.

Or is it more considerate to say, you know what? I am building the team up. I don't know. I don't know. By building myself resume? I think it all comes down to intensity. We love responsible snacking in this house, and that's honestly why we love GoGert simply. Because, let's be real, there is nothing simple about the morning routine.

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I agree. I agree. And I do think, and I agree. I agree. I agree. I do think the very small subtleties of what we're saying, comes down to an intention. We don't need each other.

I don't need you. Versus I need you. We need each other. There's a subtlety there of intention of being one. Allowing myself on a daily basis to look at you and say, I don't need him. That's not what I'm asking. I agree. That's dangerous.

That's a subtlety. That tone. Yeah, that's subtle. Even saying, I don't need him. Either way is toxic. It is a seed being planted in your brain that can grow if you allow it to. And that's where I see small little things of like if you allow yourself to take a negative comment and give it a positive tone and allow yourself to think that, that can come because. become very, very toxic very quickly. That's what I believe. In the back of your subconscious,

if you continue reminding yourselves, I actually don't need her for this. I actually don't need her for this. I actually don't need her for this. I don't want to bug her for this. I've got this. It's better if I do this by myself. It's better if I do it on my own. It's better if I do this because it will help the team. If you continue to build those little reaffirming statements of like, I don't need to be a part of that. Because I've got this. I think that builds a massive wedge over time. And no, you don't need me.

And you don't need me to do it. And you don't need me to be a part of it. But when you choose to be in a marriage, you're choosing to consider and burden and be a part of a team forever. Yes. And even on special forces, on our most vulnerable moments, I was thinking about you.

Is he okay? God forbid something goes wrong and I actually get hurt. He's there. I'm watching you fight. I hope he's okay. Do I need to step in? Do you need to step in? Do I need to punch the DS?

Do we need to quit because this is too much? That entire time you're thinking about each other. Yes. What I'm saying are those three statements, it's not my job to make you happy. I don't need you. And I need you to set your expectations that I will let you down. Are all seeds that can grow very large, very quickly. Okay, so I agree.

I agree. None of those are beneficial to a marriage. I think it's, it is two sides of the same coin, though. and one is really beautiful. And the other is really desperate, and I also think dangerous. And so that's what I'm here to have a discussion about, which it's like,

if you think of that Maslow's hierarchy of needs, it's like safety and then food and shelter and then whatever, and at the very top, it's self-actualization. Like, we used to, like, marriages really used to need each other. like I was talking about the protection and the food and all the stuff, right? Now that a lot of people are at the top of, like, you know, we live in a first world country.

That self-actualization, it can go one of two ways. You can continue down the route of isolation because it's like it's all about my self-actualization. Or you could lean back in to needing somebody. in a way that does unlock that superpower that you don't get by isolation. You don't get any other way. And that's what I think, like, you're talking about the top of the pyramid.

I guess maybe I'm talking about from the bottom of the pyramid where it's like, hey, you can pay all the bills and you can do all the stuff and you can do it all. But we've also experienced how awesome it is to say, you're right, we can. But we are so much better as a team.

And in this world of like, yeah, the self-sufficient, ambitious, have safety nets, like, you know, misindependent, it's relationships are a threat in that environment, you know, where it's like, oh, this does open up the door to needing to consider somebody else that can be, that can feel like a burden. but as we've beautifully experienced, it's not, you know? Then why do you feel it necessary to remind yourself of this? Play devil's advocate here because this is something that you feel the need to know. Let's speak to our worst moments when we've been an argument and you said,

fine, I'll just do it alone. right which is that seed growing i'm not trying to grow any seed here i know but if you are wanting people to remind themselves of this how do you remind yourself and not plant a seed when when we get into arguments and you and i do get poo-poo and you feel the need to remind me you don't actually need me. You will let me down. You know, what is, what is the point of knowing that? I think it's like voicing a reality and from my perspective in hopes that it helps prevent these major fractures that we've seen. And in my mind, when I go through this thought circle of, wow, life is so good. Yeah, wow, what do I want to do with my good life that we have?

We got free time and resources and cool cities and places. What do I want to do? Do I want to be myself? Oh, I don't want to be myself. I've done that. We've done that. You've done that. I could go that route because we could, we have the option. And I could go to parties every night and cool events and business stuff, whatever, but I don't need to. And then I go circle back to reminding myself that marriage in many ways is a daily choice and coming from it, like not in a desperate way of,

of brick, waking up another day, we're married. It kicks in a different perspective for me where I'm like, no, I get to be here. I get to be here. I don't need to be here. I get to be here. And I'm not like waking up mopey. It's just, it literally is almost like a virtuous cycle of like, oh, wow, wait, this is a choice.

And what am I going to do with my choice? I'm going to freaking make the most of it because it's my choice. You know what I'm saying? And I made this choice. And you want it to be your choice. Yes. So you operate better with this idea of you have the freedom to do whatever you want. Yeah.

You don't like when fascinating. My brain is working. You don't like it when I say, hey, you're going to lunch meeting at noon. If I tell you something that you don't operate well with that either. I know, but it's fascinating that that pertains to marriage. You like. I'm not saying like, let me go abandon the family. I'm saying in the minor everyday details of am I going to stay out past,

What time? Am I going to pursue this thing or that? Am I going to take another trip with the boys? Am I going to go golfing today? It's like, yeah, I could. I could. But is that what I want? I felt that deep meaning of like being in the playroom with the kids, seeing bear learn how to ride the strider bike. That's it. That's the best it gets. It's not about me. It's not about my golf school. or about my bank account, you know, is this adding up or does that make you more discouraged? No, it's adding up. It feels contradictory, but I think I'm following. When I also titled this episode, it was more from like an outsider's perspective looking in or these marriages that we've talked about. People have this perspective of that bad idea of

we don't need each other. And that's the bad side of the coin. And it has been brought up in our marriage. So that's the contradiction that I'm finding is like, or that I'm hearing is this idea of infractured marriages and relationships. People take this thought too far if I don't need you. We don't need each other. But yeah, at the same time, you want it to be a belief that we in a healthy marriage have as well.

Yeah. And I'm saying, why not come from the other side of the coin and say, don't even think this. If you're going into a marriage, we need each other to see through our vows. That's interesting. We need each other to help support, live out a biblical marriage. That's why we met at the altar. we met at the altar because we both very openly said, we don't have to be doing this.

Yeah. Until we took a vow. Okay. Now we have to. But how many people lose sight of that? And that's... I agree. But I'm saying when you cross that line into marriage,

this no longer pertains to you. I love that. And that's why I'm saying, my personal belief is within our marriage, this should never be reminded. Because this is a reminder of a day that we don't live anymore, which is days before we were at the altar

and we lived independent lives. In a marriage, you can become too dependent on your everyday actions. Or too independent, right? Yes. but reminding each other in a marriage that you don't need each other is never a good option in my mind.

This was not, sorry, I should have clarified. This was not really supposed to be like, hey, let me do a monthly reminder to Sean that she doesn't need me. More of a discussion for people who admire you or us. I agree, but you also decided to put something personal on our one sheet today. Which is what? We don't need each other.

You don't need me. Because that comes up in our arguments and our conversations. Okay. Because I tend to become too dependent for our gauges. And I tend to be too independent. So, but, okay, that is actually super great. That is a great unveiling. And it's because when you become independent,

I feel like you are leaning into one of these statements that fractures a family. So I lean heavily into the dependent side of trying to compensate. But there are also times where you go super independent as well. I think we both oscillate in and out. And it's sometimes in an attempt to make you see that it doesn't work, which isn't healthy as well. We got work to do, guys. But I do stand behind those three statements,

which we can do a podcast on each one, have no business being on this side of the altar. How about this? Let me round out the sentence. The new year always makes me want to reset everything, routines, mindset, and honestly, our house. When our space feels good, everything else feels more manageable.

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was one of my all-time favorite highlights from last year. Literally, every piece of furniture in our entire home. And some of it you can get overnight. It's amazing. We don't need each other, but we get each other, but we choose each other. I don't like it. I think that actually is, it's like more power.

powerful than just saying, hey, we chose each other. You shouldn't be reminding yourself every day. We don't need each other, but we chose each other. Because the only thing you should remind yourself of every day is we chose each other. Again, subtlety of a seed being planted. Okay. No, this is good. This is good because I think this is also part of...

Let's take it into a different, in different context. Why would I live on the other side of the altar and say, I could have anybody I wanted? but I chose Andrew. Why is that healthy? Because I think, no, I don't think it is healthy, but I think people do it. And then I, you know, I love reading biographies and whatever. And people get wealthy. They make money.

They say, I don't, like, you go from not needing someone. And it just happens. So it's helpful to like see these stories and then apply to my life. And I'm saying a daily discipline. is refinement, in subtlety, and it's in the nuance. I'm saying a daily discipline in my mind, it's healthier and more beneficial to take out the negative. And just focus on the positive.

Then remind yourself of days that are no longer an option. So why remind yourself of them? Well, okay. Why keep my brain thinking about all the dating pools and the guys out there, oh yeah, but I chose Andrew. Why not just get rid of that? No, you're still seeing it as negative,

which I will incorporate that in future conversations. Thank you. And also, there are people who get married and then they just, maybe they don't end the marriage, but functionally, they don't have that reminder of like leaning on each other.

I know. And so to just like get it on the table and say, hey, look at this thing. We actually don't need each other. We're like, look at it. Look at us. Look at Sean. Look at Andrew. Do we need each other?

No. Look how life has changed. A lot's changed. Our vows haven't changed. Has our mindset changed? Has our approach of excitement of being with each other changed? A lot of people it does, 10 years into marriage. This is our 10th year of marriage.

Look at it though. Look at it. It's freaking beautiful. And I like that thing and I want to take care of it. I agree. But I'm saying in the daily discipline, sure, if you want to do that right now, that's fine. But in the daily discipline, I don't think that's beneficial. If you're allowing your brain to go outside of the black and white lines and say, let me just let my brain go there and know that all of those women over there, I could have them, but I chose her. I don't think that's a good. good discipline. I'm not doing that. The only daily discipline I have as far as thought practices and meditation or prayer is freaking reading the Bible and thank goodness because it takes out a lot of the nonsense like this. You focus on one freaking thing. Let's rewind. You said it is good to say and think. Sometimes when your boy gets mopey, when your boy gets weak, that's exactly what do you do? Then what do you do? How do you deal with your mope? You got to stay on this side of the line. I'm here

But if you get mopey and weak That's definitely not something you should be thinking about Of oh yeah I could have whatever But I chose to be here Yes Which then gets me hyped Like let me make the best choice Let me make this the best choice

Freaking possible Maybe that's just different ways of how we operate How do you deal when you mope? When I mope I lean into you what if what if i am the the reason for your moping then what i don't go thinking about all the guys i could have i'm not thinking that either just to clarify i think when i get mopey i work on fixing us i'm truly being reflective when i get mopey i go into fix it mode i go into

how can i reconnect with you it becomes some big argument and sappy conversation of why are we disconnected and why are we not feeling like each other? And is that right? Sometimes you get in the car and you drive away sometimes. You know, it's like sometimes, sometimes there are dark places the mind goes. And then it's like, then you're looking at it or it's looking at you and you're like, okay, what do you do? And you say, yeah, what are we doing here? I'm just so glad that I get to juju

I freaking love you This did not go as I thought it would I thought you're gonna like play along Like yeah ha ha a Andrew did a dumb podcast script Look you added all my accolades And now let's get into the episode But I really never got to that point

I'm sorry I'm sorry if I've ever weaponized this concept to you I don't mean it as weaponization I mean it as being encouraging to you I really do And I mean it as I'm so grateful that we get to choose each other Like we do.

And whoever the frick listens to this podcast or watches our videos online, I think people say, I think people look at it and they're like, huh, how do they do that? I don't know. And I don't know. I don't know. But what do we do? And that's what I'm trying to explicitly talk about because helpful for freaking everybody. I did not mean to hijack your podcast.

It ended up being the conversation it needed to be. I think we learned through the Joy podcast and the happiness podcast. We learned finally how we each see that. We need to do now a third one on, I'm going to let you down. I'm sorry, I should have edited the script based off of that Joy podcast. Thought did not come to mind.

It totally should happen. And I think now you understand why this statement brings out an argument. And it is. It comes down to, I overanalyze every word and choice we make on a daily basis for the longevity of our family.

Thank you. Thank you. When I've said this in those low points, has it been me saying, I don't need you? No. Yeah, it's been me saying you don't need me. I know. Which in my mind is like, you're a freaking boss.

And same to you, but when you say, say that. I think it brings out this feeling of like, I'm not going to cry. I'm trying to figure out words. I almost want to say, how dare you? Because at the very root level, of course, right? We're both independent, driven, able, capable people. But how dare you point the finger at me and say, you don't need me when 10 years ago I stood at the altar and said, I know I don't, but I choose to need you every day for the rest of my life. Okay, I need to put you on to something because I am genuinely excited about this. If you have ever fallen in love with a couch, a lamp, a rug, and then immediately close the tab when you saw the price, you're going to understand

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So don't throw that in my face because I'm here. And it's like, you are my person and you will forever be my person. Don't throw it in my face that you aren't because you are. I don't need a reminded to be independent. Does that make sense? Yeah. And when you say like, you need to remember, you don't need me. It's like, I do because you are my husband.

And that's not changing. So unless you, unless that changes, nothing about that statement is true. Does that make sense? And I think if you allow yourself in a marriage to change that belief, nothing good happens. You don't want me to be in a marriage with you and have full belief of I don't need you. I 100% agree.

So, you know what, you know what people get on in their like high horses, soapbox, and then it is a shove it in your face. Like, it is a, it's,

it's weaponized in a sense of like, hey, my life is, the season I'm in in life, we're vibing. I'm good individually. And then they like stiff-armed the other person. And I think it's like we just had a wonderful season, a whole year of like it was delightful, right?

So many things went well. You got all the stuff, right? Like, let me speak for me. We got all this stuff. I got all the stuff. What do I do then? When there is a conflict of like, wow, you know what? Sean's not treating me like these fun strangers I just met are.

What do I do? And it's like, I want to choose you. That's it. And that's like from a place of overflow. And I think for someone who sees, I'm just so impressed by you and thankful for you from an outsider perspective, impressed because you've done and accomplished all the things.

And then you've said, okay, that's not the, that is not the best part of life. That's not the best part of life. What is? And for you, you drew the line at marriage, family, relationships. And a lot of people don't circle back to that. You know, they like walk down this path. I think the timing of your life is really interesting.

you have accomplishing so much that you have at such a young age and then being able to still do the kid thing and the parenting thing and whatever and then our family is greatly benefited from you going to battle with me mostly to defend that perspective as I'm going through all of the stuff of accolades and you know the things that you went through at 12 I'm going through now at 30. So how do you handle it? I have spoken. I have, I went through every downfall and every bad choice early on in life. That's why I'm here. How do you deal with it now? You're getting all the accolades, the recognition, the leadership, the money, the like, how do you deal with it? When the strangers are nicer than your wife at home. What strangers do you,

picture when I say that. What stranger are you coming on? You should just tell me who the strangers are. I deal with it because I have the best teammate and though there are a lot of decisions that could be made. But for the person listening, you're in a fight with me at home. And you meet strangers who are a lot nicer.

And you have the accolades and the independence and the ability. How do you deal with that when the grass is greener? I think the more you can practice, one, let me just say a long-term perspective. And I think a biblical perspective plays into that because that book's been around for a long time. And I think having mentors and solid friends who aren't yes men, vie and go to bat for that long-term perspective is really good. so like these couples we know who are splitting up it might i don't want to talk i it's like what does that look like 30 years from now you know we know someone who used to be a church

leader who we saw 10 years after a whole fallout happen and still because you make long-term decisions that set you on like a lifelong route, like having kids, you're never not going to have kids after having kids, right? And then you make a short-term decision that fractures that, like, oh, now I can't be a present dad to my kids. That regret lasts, or that awareness of the short-term decision you made that compromise a long-term decision never goes away. So having a long-term perspective is good. Trying to step away from those emotions, which I know that's another hot topic

where it's like the present visceral reaction that I have of like, you, you disrespected me. You frustrated me. That's sometimes helpful. It's sometimes helpful, but long-term, it might not be the best compass for decisions. Yeah, and then I would just say looking at it from a third-party perspective sometimes.

It's like, okay, how is Andrew acting? Interesting. That's pretty selfish. This is our team on the table here. Are we doing that? My question is, does that line help you in those moments? Of like, kind of like we said earlier, I could have this, but I chose not to do. You know how you love how I like to learn?

It's not an application to our marriage. Maybe it's like middle child syndrome or something. But like, it is largely a, hey, I want to figure this out. Let me do this. Let me, like, Sean, Sean wants to have a week-long girl's trip. Hasn't happened, this hypothetical. Sweet.

I got this. I don't need her. I can freaking do this. long term, I need you. Short term, I don't need you. So maybe, yeah, maybe it's a timeline thing that we're disagreeing on is like long term, absolutely. The need is present. But short term, like, if I'm a dumb, let's see, uh, the kids are down. Sean's at Bible study. I haven't eaten dinner yet. That sounds sad for me to even like use this as an example, but like, oh, I, she didn't make dinner. Where's dinner? I don't freaking need you for dinner. I got this, Andrew. You can feed yourself.

You know what I'm saying? You kick in the little self-sufficiency in times where like you're feeling mopey or useless or like I think a lot of guys go through those phases where it's like she's leaving me with the kids. I can't do it. It helps me to say, boot up, bro. That's when it helps me. And maybe it's a guy thing, I'm not sure. Lately, we've been talking a lot about consistency, not just with workouts, but with small habits that actually add up over time. And one thing that's been really easy to stay consistent with has been the momentous creatine chews.

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and developed alongside top scientists and performance experts. It's built for long-term performance, not quick trends. If you're looking for something that supports strength, consistency, and overall performance without complicating your routine, Momentous creatine chews are such an easy place to start. If you want to try it out, you can get up to 35% off your first order using our link in the description or our code, Sean Andrew, to try momentous creatine shoes for yourself. But in those little moments of like, I can't, it's like, friggin, you got it. You know, and I think when we've had those conversations in the past, it's when, like, there's been, you're not sure you can do this without me.

It's like not me abandoning you. It's, hey, this is what the situation is. And you can do it. You don't need me. So sorry, I poorly titled this episode. But thank you guys for listening. Are we going to publish this one? I don't know, man.

We should bring in a therapist for the next one to talk about, to listen to it and then react to it. So the Joy episode was super helpful because of the comments, to be honest. The redemption was it was super helpful because of the comments. How about you guys help us now and give us some counseling in the comments? Yeah. Sorry for being emotional. At the very least, it reveals like how we think about things, you know?

And then so hopefully maybe someone else sees that from a different perspective. It's like, oh, yeah, Andrew's doing that. Sean's doing that. Here's the thing. Anyway, thanks for listening. Guys, I hope this was a good conversation. That's what we got. If you made it this far and you haven't liked or subscribed to the show, I know everybody's got a podcast.

Everybody's got a YouTube channel. It wasn't like that when we started out. I don't need you to help me learn how to speak, babe. Okay, I can figure it out. It seems like you do. You're right. No, okay. Maybe that's the cherry on top.

Maybe that's a summary. You don't need me, but dang, you do things way better and faster and more efficient because I'm here. Oh, and now you don't like that. I don't like the whole statement. I think if we've learned anything. anything, it's that. I'm going to stick with, Andrew Dean. I need you.

I need you. And I am proud to freaking say it. I love you. I love you. Thanks for listening. That's how we got. I'm Andrew. I'm Sean. Until next time.