Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 304 | things no one warned us about marriage & parenting

Episode Date: March 25, 2026

Marriage and parenting are often painted as beautiful, fulfilling journeys (and they are!). But there are also parts no one really talks about until you’re in the middle of them. In this episode, we’re getting real about the unexpected challenges that catch couples and parents off guard. From shifting identities and communication struggles to the mental load, loneliness, and loss of spontaneity, we’re unpacking the truths people don’t always share before saying “I do” or bringing home a baby. Whether you’re preparing for marriage, navigating early parenthood, or deep in the trenches, this honest conversation will help you feel seen, understood, and a little more prepared for what’s ahead. Love you guys! Shawn & Andrew IQBAR ➡ To get your twenty percent off, text EASTFAM to sixty-four thousand. Text EASTFAM to 6400 Wayfair ➡ Head to www.https://Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home! Olipop ➡ You can actually get a free can of OLIPOP when you buy any two cans in store. They’ll pay you back for one!! Head to www.https://drinkolipop.com/COUPLETHINGS to get a free can when you buy two BranchBasics ➡ Tossing the toxins has never been more convenient. And if you’re grabbing the Premium Starter Kit, you can still get 15% off at www.https://BranchBasics.com with our code EASTFAM Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up, everybody? Welcome back to a couple things. With Sean and Andrew. How are you doing, babe? I'm glad to be here. I'm glad to be here. It's been a good couple of weeks. We just got over spring break, which is crazy. It was a whirlwind.

Right before spring break started, we did a day trip to Memphis to visit St. Jude. We did a day trip right after that to Austin for the Tim Tebow Foundation. Came back, grabbed the kids. We went to Universal for four days. We flew directly from Universal to Indianapolis for four days. came back here and did another week of spring break before school started and today was the first day back and boy do I feel like we have a lot of catching up to do you feel that way a little bit when you're like out of the groove of work it was such a blissful time being

not wrapped up in work and being just all in on kids but your first day back to work feels a little bit like oh shoot I got to do a lot we've mentioned we feel like we're in a new phase of life now our youngest child is two and a half years old. And it's a little less manually intensive, you know? I feel like in the first two years, you're always holding the baby. You're always feeding them. You're always changing their diaper. You know, they can't walk without you for a certain period of time.

But now they have longer attention spans. We'll have some longer duration to kind of just live our life, which is kind of unsettling. I don't know, you're surprised by it. Yeah. I do feel like we've learned recently that, you know how people say like, oh, we got out of the, we're out of the baby phase now. That doesn't mean like they've made it. That's what I just learned.

Because I feel like you're forever, as soon as you're getting the swing of things in whatever phase you're in, then your kids, like, develop a little bit more. and it's something brand new. Yeah. Drew, I noticed very clearly recently and it's,

it's bittersweet. It's such a beautiful thing, but it's also bittersweet because of the transition, but like she's becoming a kid, like a kid kid. Not like a toddler kid, but like a full-on kid

where we're having conversations about like bigger things and she understands more and sees more and then Jet is getting into just like wild boy phase where he's practicing his boundaries and his limits and his defiance and his stubbornness and his power and fighting that with an almost 70 pound four-year-old is interesting for me yeah and then bear is now out of the baby phase and learning independence and freedom and

he's getting into his kind of stubborn phase of like no i want to do it i want to do everything and i just learned you know it there's no there's not never like a I made a moment. We're constantly evolving and learning. Yeah, it's a pretty humbling experience. It is. It's pretty humbling. Are you looking for a dynamic field that you can really test your skill set with? You could be your own boss and set your own schedule. Get into parenting. Yeah. You don't set your own schedule. No, you don't. The kids set your schedule and the kids are the boss, to be honest. Yeah. But it's definitely dynamic. Speaking of kids, though, in all of us, we thought we would do a little episode for you about things

no one warned us about when it comes to parenting and marriage. Because I do feel like there were a lot of them. We are coming up on 10 years of marriage in a couple weeks. We're going to be doing a couple episodes related to that. You want to do a product review. Of marriage. Of marriage. I hope it's a good one.

But now we're six and a half years in as parents. Yes. What a right it's been. And, you know, there's some things in life that you jump into and you don't really know what all comes with it. So we want to do an episode about things that no one warned us about when it came to these things. Because I feel like this is the most important part of life. And so let's get it right.

It kind of helps to have an understanding of what you're walking into. And don't get me wrong, I don't think anything can prepare you for how much having kids changes your life or getting married changes your life. Not in a bad way. It's just like it just changes a lot. So I want to dig in and talk about some of these things. Let's do it. Okay. So I do want to preface.

We're not experts. We have not experienced everything. We're only 10 years in to marriage. We're still figuring this out. But we wrote some things down. You want to hit the first one? What do you want to start with? Marriage or parenting?

Or is it both? I think we'll maybe ham and egg. We'll alternate. Let's start with marriage. And I think the first thing, comes to my mind is this 50-50 concept yeah and like you think of a of a partnership and 50-50 kind of feels like the first natural split if you will but one thing I've learned is that it's never equal it's never like it's very rarely hey here's a dishwasher and you're going to do unload

half the dishwasher and I'll do the other half it's it's different tasks which feels sometimes at our worst, oh, my task is harder, and I know she's doing something, but it's not my thing, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. And then it becomes this like, it can get dangerous because you're like, okay, who's carrying more load?

And it's not about that. It's important to remove yourself from that game. I don't remember who we were interviewing, who told us this, the whole 50-50 concept. but they explained it probably so much better than I will but the whole idea is that your goal is that

on your deathbed it averages out to 50-50 you and your spouse but on any given day you split up 100 in whatever capacity like I might wake up and have

10% to give so then it's your job to bring 90 And then the next day it might be the opposite. But you're constantly trying to fill 100% between the two of you. And your goal is that you're both in life giving 50% of 100 in your partnership. Does that make sense? Yeah.

Which is really beautiful, I think, because that's how you support each other. Where it's like, oh, I feel loved and supportive is what a lot of people who are in good marriages or relationships talk about. It's like, well, what do you mean with the supported part? Well, if I wake up because we're in postpartum phase and, you know, I need to do more than 50. First of all, I haven't used these terms in a while purposely because like we try not to even think that way. You're just like you do what needs to be done. Yeah. You just do what needs to be done.

And I think we fortunately have grown into that where. you know with kids there's there's a growing list of tasks bottles and lunches and packing bags and it's like totally there's already a lot of stuff to do just to like be a human shower and hygiene and you know get dressed and then see friends and then go to work like all that stuff and then you had kids you're like okay again for the first two years you're like you are assuming all of the other life's responsibilities which is amazing, but it's also a lot of additional stuff. I'm going to take you back for a second to, what would that be, October 28th or was it 27th? Probably October 28th when we were 2019, where we were driving to the hospital to give birth to our first baby.

what was your biggest fear going into having our first kid between the two of us and did you have any were you even thinking about marriage or was it all centered around baby uh the emotions were so high i don't know if fear was one of them it was like it was like a lot of excitement like the nerves everyone says your life will never be the same and you're like okay what does that mean yeah I'm kind of enjoying life yeah and I would like for this child to increase life enjoyment you know because that's what I experienced growing up was a family dynamic was like this

beautiful enhancing tool for everybody's life um I don't know what I expected but it was just like all I remember is the incredible deluge of emotions that I felt. I remember having a conversation with you in the car as we swung through Wendy's because you were picking up a frosty. I couldn't eat anything because I was getting ready to go into surgery, potentially. And you needed a frosty. But I remember having a conversation with you.

And I actually was very fearful. I was very fearful of so many things. I was afraid that things weren't going to be okay with baby and just all of the thoughts that go. with your mind, but I remember thinking to myself. And I think this comes from being an only child where like I didn't have a sibling dynamic growing up

so I didn't know how to share space with like a sibling in my parents. But I remember thinking and having this fear and telling you of like I don't know how to share you and I don't know how to share my husband. And I remember thinking like what if he forgets about me? What if he falls more in love with our baby than he does me?

and I actually, like, I can feel it and remember being so nervous about us. And I think it's really fascinating because you and I tried to prepare ourselves so heavily with our first kid. We did all the baby lessons. We did, you know, the tours of the hospitals and the nursery, and we read the books about sleep training or eating or whatever it was. but nothing talks about your marriage at all and how it shifts when you have a kid.

And I think that was really interesting because I think we had the hardest time. We settled into parenting really well. But nobody prepared us for the work that it took with our marriage. This episode is brought to you by IQ Joe, our exclusive coffee sponsor. IQ Joe is the instant mushroom coffee from IQ bar with bold flavors. It's loaded with functional brain nutrients and 200 milligrams of caffeine

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That's ESFAM to 64,000. Message and data rates may apply. See terms for details. Do you agree with that? Yeah, we've definitely learned a lot. And it has not been easy, but I have also learned that don't equate ease with goodness. You know what I'm saying? No.

The struggle that we have gone through has been so. good and the amount of depth that I've been able to learn about you and love about you as a result has massively increased because of parenting. I feel like though the stakes so quickly become so much higher after you have your first kid with a marriage and I think that's what shifts it so much is this idea of, and I've tried to think about this many times, but before we had our first baby, you and I felt like two very individual people.

Does this make sense? Who cohabitated in life together? Does that make sense? Like there still felt like a lot of mystery behind each other and you kind of had your interest and did your things, and I had my interest, and I did my things, and we might scuffle about something, whether it was cleaning the house or whatever,

but it seemed very light, and then all of a sudden you have a baby, and you and I were so equally invested in that baby, right? That for almost like the first time in our marriage, and by then we had been married three years, three and a half years, it felt like a new person. I was like we've never, it felt like the most vulnerable we had ever been with each other because we each had so much tie into this baby and had so many strong opinions and

fears and love that it almost made life feel a little bit more complicated for a while until you figure out how to relax into the new. Yeah, you're circling around a couple concepts. I know we're almost talking about another thing. No one warns you about, but it still ties into the first, the 50-50 split. Where one, the, there's like different types of loads to carry, if you will. So like mental load, the physical load, the workload, the organization.

like all of those things and what you're saying is fascinating to me because i remember it took us a little bit of time to understand that one load was not different or better harder than the other one and also like you need to delegate you need to delegate you need to a little more. And so the way that you might carry the mental load or deal with the organization load is different than how I would do it, kind of. But I need to give you room to do it. It's like my way is not the right way.

I agree. And I think it has to do with the mental load too. But I do feel like there was a different feeling the second you have a kid. because it's no longer like you can go deal with your things your way and I can deal with my things my way. It was like you and I now share a project, which I'm calling the baby, but it's like you and I both now are so equally and heavily invested that we have to figure out

how to do it together. Because what you do with the project affects than how the project relates to me. The baby. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I feel like it changed us.

It changed the entire dynamic between us instantly. For better, for worse. For better. But like, nobody tells you that. Nobody tells you that, like, literally in an instant, your spouse kind of becomes a different person. Well, I will say, I've had the thought several times that is different being married to a mom.

It is. Like, just your, your, your, right that that effect of being so heavily 100% invested in something almost more fully reveals you yeah um and also this is another note that we wrote down is something about parenting brings out stylistic differences more than anything else where it's like oh um you're feeding the baby baby food like we're not going to do that because here's my list of reasons. I was like, oh, well, I was just feed into baby food because that's how I grew up. And then there's like all of these dynamics that you have to work through. And honestly, it is a fruitful process that probably starts with a certain

amount of friction of like, whoa, what's the deal? It's all fun and games before this. But now we have to sort through all these like nuances. I know. What food are we going to buy at the grocery store? What type of diapers are we going to? We're going to go, you know, bamboo, cotton or whatever. We're going to do. There's just so many different styles, which is amazing.

So many different types of products, which is awesome. But it also leads, lends itself more to like, well, you would have done it this way. I would have done this one. So. I know I'm skimming over and I need to do a better job of helping you. share each bullet point here that we say of like the things that we weren't warned about and I'm kind of mixing them up but to summarize this topic that I keep circling around of you become a different person I think it's also because to a certain extent before you have a kid

everything in life seems so light and easy nothing is like it only affects you everything in life right and you and i were so confident before having a kid of like i can handle whatever comes my way if someone hurts me if i get sick if like we lose our money like whatever it if it only affects us that's not a big deal we can deal with it and life felt so fancy free not important to a certain extent. And I feel like the second you have this baby and you have a kid, it changes you to your core of who you are because life is no longer fancy free. It's like you immediately change because like you have this purpose. You're this human that you now need to protect and you need to teach and raise and care for and you're both so bought in and I think it changes the guys perspective a lot

because a lot of times you start thinking like I have to provide and protect for this baby and now my wife more. And for a mom, that mental load just explodes to be so much greater because you've rewired your brain having a baby. And now every single thing you think about is the well-being of this little child. And so you literally, starting from the second you have them, start redating your spouse and figuring, out how to do life now with this new person. Does that make sense? Yeah, and we talk all the time how there's a lot of different ways to live a good life and having kids is one of them. So like, you know, maybe there's someone listening who doesn't have a kid, but to your point, but to your point, but no, I think there's a, you, in marriage, you're always kind of relearning the other person,

whatever that changed. Oh, they got a new job and now they're spending time with new people and now they're acting different. Um, so yeah, yeah, I think I, I agree that. we did experience that. I also, this is a more marriage-specific one that you made me think of. People, we're watching this age of attraction episode

and the amount of times they use this word connection. I felt this connection. And they're just, it's a great show. It has sparked so much conversation between shy. Yeah.

But people, I think, feel that connection and assume that compatibility comes along with it. But what I've learned is like we had a connection. You know, we like, our first date turned into pretty much three days. It was supposed to just be one hang and then we just kept hanging. And I liked you.

But we, so we had that connection. But the compatibility is almost a fruit of love, not the not the leading indicator of it so it's like you feel the connection and then you have to do the practice of love and then you're compatible

and like there's this you have to be curious through all the phases that you go through through all the changes you have to be charitable

and not getting frustrated at the changes and And like, you have to give it space too. Like there's just a certain inefficiency when it comes to marriage where maybe we'll have to spend two hours talking about why that one sentence that I said was so upsetting to you or whatever it is. And that happens once a week to us still.

And we work together and spend 24-7 together. And it's like, but it's beautiful too because otherwise, you know, I don't think we're put here on earth to just be productivity machines as much as you kind of think that way in your 20s. Like I was all about like, let's do stuff and build stuff and accomplish stuff. And so the inefficiency of that was like, ah, what's going on here? But then you're like, no, but let's just, this is, this is beautiful. And we've had a lot of discussions about emotions and how I've grown to understand them better and differently.

And this would be another thing that I've learned is that if your spouse feels a certain way, it does not matter if that's like historically accurate or, if it's based off of like scientific truth you know what I'm saying it's just like the feeling the way you made your spouse feel is the important thing wow this is this is a recent revelation I'm like really but do you am I saying that right am I I agree with you okay we're taking turn into a different podcast right now. Well, that's another realization. The thing no one warned me about was like,

you hear, it doesn't matter who's right, or you hear the wife is always right. And it's like, that just, I never understood that. I think what you're circling is this idea of, we just, you just sent me this podcast that I listened to,

and I loved it. We can share it down below. but it's this idea of we all have a lot of baggage, right? There's a lot that comes into a relationship. So however we respond to whatever it is, it comes from baggage. And whether it's right or not, the feeling is valid, and you have to be able to see that, be curious as to why they're feeling it, understand it and try to work through it.

going back to things people don't warn you about. And with parenting and marriage after having your first kid and kids in general, we started with saying splitting stuff 50-50. You don't do that ever, but you hope to average out. And you both contribute 100% of whatever you got. After having a baby or having your first child, a lot of things aren't equal. But there are so many more tasks. I think one of the hardest transitions for Andrew and I, especially coming from professional

athletics, was this idea of before we had a kid, we were so selfish about ourselves, meaning we were diligent about how much sleep we got when we went to bed, how much workout time we had, what we ate, and after you have a kid, you become so selfless, you have to, because you're taking care of another little human that's completely dependent upon you. and that 50-50 load, even talking about yourself and the baby is not equal anymore. You have to invest so much of yourself and your bandwidth into a little human that a lot of like the everyday chores of life for yourself get kind of pushed to the back burner for a while and you need to rely on a lot of help if possible. Does that make sense? Okay.

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because it's basically a one-stop shop for literally everything you need to refresh your home. What I love is that you can find literally everything in one place. Like we've looked at everything from storage solutions to living room pieces to things for our kids' rooms. Yes. And I feel like getting organized makes such a difference in how the house. feels day to day. We grabbed lamps and instantly made the space feel more finished. We even got like

organizing things to make closets better. It is the perfect refresh. Yeah. And it's surprisingly easy to find exactly what we wanted. There are so many styles and you could shop at pretty much any budget. Honestly, I was kind of shocked at how much they had. Like not just decor, but bedding, towels, furniture, storage, even kitchen and office stuff. It really makes refreshing your space feel doable instead of overwhelming. We recently ordered a new mirror and some accent pillows because, you know, we need some more accent pillows for the living room. And it completely changed how the room feels. It feels nice though, doesn't it?

It just feels a little more put together and cozy, and I love walking into that space now. Yes, it feels like one of those simple upgrades that makes your day-to-day life so much better. And the fact that everything shows up so quickly and was easy to set up makes it the best. That's right. Get organized, refreshed, and back on track this new year for way less.

Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com. Wayfair. Every style, every home. Yeah, I think that's another thing no one wondering about is no matter how tough you are. Like, when it comes to a relationship, asking for help is usually always the right answer. Which makes me also think of another thing we wrote down this idea of like teammates. Yeah.

We talk about that all the time. It started like our relationship, oh, we were best friends. And then she was like, oh my gosh, I'm madly in love with her. And I still am in such a deeper way. But like, then you go through this like teammate phase where you're just, hey, we're tackling all these tasks together. And now. Some people will call it like the roommate phase too. Roommate phase, yeah.

Where you don't feel like husband and wife, but you feel like you're just doing life together, getting the tasks done, taking care of. the baby, but you don't feel like husband and wife, and that's okay. Yeah, which probably also couples with like the power struggle phase in marriage. That phase probably overlaps. And then I feel like we're in this phase going back to more of the, yeah, you're my, like, wife. We had so many conversations with a kid where it was like, hey, you keep saying, I'm such a good mom, I'm such a good mom. Which is amazing.

A phenomenal compliment. I want to also be a good wife and a good friend to you and all these different things. And so you just don't really like, I was not expecting that. Yeah. The identity portion of it, you know. There is a big identity shift after having a kid and in your marriage where you're balancing all these roles of parent, mother or father. spouse, wife or husband. And it's almost like you have to wear all these different hats.

And I do. I remember going through this phase after every kid where life was so beautiful. Like I can't complain about it. But I would start to feel like roommate and mom only. And like wife was missing. Like there was no desire for wife. Or vice versa. Like I didn't have a capacity to desire.

desire my husband. It was just like, I need, I need father of my children and I need teammate right now to get through the tasks of life. And I do think if you're very intentional about it, you can get through that phase well and in a short amount of time. But I do think that's very natural coming off of a kid because things are so new and you're trying to grasp what life looks like. Two more things. I'm in the mind. You're right.

I think it's natural. And the way I've viewed all of these phases that we've gone through, like the honeymoon phase and then the young parenting phase and then the roommate phase is like, it's a necessary milestone to go through and to hit before you go to the next thing. And so like one, being honest with that and open. and forgiving with each other is super important, but also viewing the journey as a whole and not losing heart in certain phases,

I think takes some of the pressure off, you know? I'm like, oh, yeah, not all of it is the honeymoon phase. It's not all the honeymoon phase. So like this is, this is just a phase we're in. Let's be as present as possible, as intentional as possible. And like do this still together, even if it feels, like there's a lot of friction, which then the second thing that comes to mind is,

I remember from my brother's father-in-law, on our wedding day, we sat down before we walked out for the ceremony, and they all gave me, like, advice. And he said, Sean, was his name. He said, this feels like a finish line today, but it's just the starting line. And you don't really know what that means. like it goes back to the everything's a journey it has phases it's like this is it's a beautiful

journey man and i don't know enjoy the ride another one we wrote down here for things no one warned us about with your marriage after you have your first kid is intimacy doesn't just mean sexy time there is so much exhaustion that comes and in the early phases of a baby. And exhaustion kills connection. And one, understanding that and understanding it's going to come and that's okay is totally fine. But then realizing that you have to like work to fix it.

You have to work to add in check-ins and quality time to make sure you start rebuilding that. I remember one of the greatest things we ever did for ourselves, not even knowing any of this was coming, right? Was right before our first baby, we implemented the date rule where we were going to go on a date every week. And after we had our first baby, then everything hit, like the emotional and physical exhaustion, and we became roommates. But that one date that we had, even if it was for like 30 minutes or an hour every week gave us this like checkpoint to build some quality time in and like emotional intimacy where it's almost like I got to date my husband again and rebuild that connection even stronger.

Not always fun by the way. Not always fun. Not always fun. Yes. Yeah. Like there's just some some dinners that you go to because well fortunately there were some date night so we went on just because it was like frankly on the schedule and it was it was an obligation yeah and then there's other times where that obligation feels oh my gosh I'm so excited and we're so

connected you know but you don't get one without the other kind of life gets really busy with kids and it's such a beautiful thing and it only gets better and better and better as they get older and the connection becomes stronger. However, you can so easily lose track of intentionality with each person in your life, kids and spouses. And I think when it comes specific to your marriage, if you are not intentional with your calendar and your time, you can very easily forget your spouse.

And not because you want to, but because at the end of the day, tiny humans can't take care of themselves and your spouse can. And so it can be very easy to say, they're fine. They're fine, they're fine, they're fine, they're fine. They're there.

I know they're not going anywhere. They're there. And it's almost like having that knowledge in the back of your mind of they can take care of themselves to a certain extent works against you sometimes because you need to slow everything down and say, you know what? Even though they can,

I have to put intentionality towards my spouse to make sure our bond stays that strong. One of my mentors went through this open heart surgery years ago, and I'll never forget one thing he took away from the experience was how fast we acclimate as humans. And to your point, there's this, like when you're in a situation, whether it's, oh, we're married. And I'm always just kind of,

I'm acclimated now to this marriage thing and having a wife and it's always going to be this way. It's so easy to just settle and take it for granted. It happens with kids. Like, remember when we had the miscarriage, all we wanted was the joy of holding our first baby. And then four months in, you're, 2 a.m.

You're holding a baby and like you're acclimated to this thing and you're like, you take it for granted, like the preciousness of that. It's just so easy to slip into that. And so I think this, to me, I've had to practice like celebrating the small wins or like doing certain things like sending the kids emails, which has been fun, date night, you know, not letting myself settle down or, relax in ways that don't reflect my priorities. So that's one thing.

Another thing that Mark Ballas told us was that if your wife says that they see something in you, you have to assume that there's truth to it because they know you better than anyone else. You say that like, like you're the only one that says anything to me. You look at me like, you're the only one to ever says. That's fair. That's fair. No one warned me how often you'll have to apologize and consider the possibility of yourself being wrong. I agree.

Looking at you, Sean. You're over here like nodding your head. Like, oh, Andrew's finally coming to the realizations. Like, freaking, it goes two ways, dude. Oh, my gosh. I agree, baby. I agree. No one told me how there's this beautiful feeling of like the most joyful grief that you experience, I would say, but in marriage and in parenting for all the phases that you do go through.

And it's like, oh, recently, I've been just crying to that song slipping through my fingers. Yeah, I can't listen to it. Because you're like looking at this baby and you know that there's not going to like we're probably not going to have another baby. And then you're like, I love this baby. And this is a phase that we think goodness have been. Holy smokes. I know. I love the phase that we're in right now.

And you just don't get it back. I think about the movie click all the time. I know. You're trying, like, there's this urge to want to jump to the next thing because of whatever the dumb troubles that come with that phase are. You know, and you're like, oh, we're not sleeping because we have a baby. Let me just, what if I just fast forward to the next phase? Like, it just take me four months from now. You don't get it back, dude.

And it's awesome. It's awesome, but it's like, air. hurts too because i've had that thought a lot lately we've grown and changed so much with each kid and this can be used in any phase of life like right after you have your first kid and life feels really crazy and hard you could you can miss your days when you had freedom to go do whatever you wanted in life. Like, that's okay to miss that and still feel gratitude for what you have. But having three kids now, we're in this phase where sleep in particular, you know, you go through a lot of hard phases of life of sleep when you have babies. And we're on the cusp of all of our kids

sleeping like through the night by themselves with not ever needing us and I was I crawled into bed with our baby the other morning and he's just the best snuggler you know what sound makes me feel really happy um what the sound of opening an olypop cream soda cream soda any of them honestly they're all delicious they remind me of my childhood it is like the perfect soda taste But in a way that makes you feel a little less guilty. Well, it's become my favorite afternoon treat. And what's funny is that it does also remind me of being a kid. And just there's nothing like grabbing a soda on a hot day, sitting outside and just hanging out.

And with Ollie Pop, that's truly what we love. It tastes like those classic sodas we grew up with. But it's reimagined in a way that fits our life now. That's right. Because let's be honest, we used to drink a lot more traditional soda back in the day. Way more. And now I feel like we're just more aware of what we're putting into our bodies. And that's actually how we found Oli Pop in the first place.

We were looking for something that still felt fun and nostalgic and tasted that way too, but is made with a little better ingredients to support our lifestyle now. Exactly. Ollipop is basically a new kind of soda. It has that classic soda taste, but it's made with a functional ingredient blend that supports digestive health. Plus, it's high in fiber and low in sugar. High in fiber and low in sugar. Yes, can't get better than that.

It doesn't get any better. And it's huge because most people aren't getting enough fiber anyway. And now it's become a part of our routine. I'll grab one in the afternoon when I want something fun or when we're winding down at night and want a little treat. And honestly, the cream soda flavor specifically takes me straight back to childhood. Like that classic taste that just hits every time. It really is that taste that takes you back, but without feeling like you're drinking a traditional soda. Just if you have not tried an olive pop, try the vintage cola and you'll see how much it tastes like the drinks you know and love.

And if you want to try olipop, here's the deal. You can actually get a free can of olipop when you buy any two cans in the store. They'll just pay you back for one. Yep. Works on any flavor, any retailer. Just go to drinkolipop.com forward slash couple things to get all the details. That's drinkollipop.com slash couple things to get a free can when you buy two. And you can find olipop online at drinkolipop.com or Amazon.

And in stores nationwide like Walmart, Target, Costco, and Whole Foods. And he's just the best snuggler. And I remember he like scooted straight over and I had this quick thought of oh this isn't good like what if he gets used to this and and then our four year old has been loving sleeping with you all night like you'll climb in bed and sleep with him all night. And you can get caught up with this thing with this feeling of like oh that's not good. He's not gaining his independence. You know what if this is a crutch he needs? But then I stopped and I was like, you know what? I'm not going to get a lot of these cuddles for much longer.

And right now it just feels like the greatest thing in the world. And it makes you want to go back and be like, oh, I wish I would have slept with them every single night of their whole life. But you don't get what you got now without what you've been. So that's why it's like you're so enjoying the present process, grieving that is going away, nostalgic for the past,

excited for the future. I don't know. no one to we just had this conversation with friends about the pace change that happens and i don't think i've factored into my ambitions just the speed check that your cadence of life takes honestly with marriage and definitely with kids it's like you're trying to hum at a certain r pms and then you have kids and like you're still trying to go at a certain RPM and then one thing can't can't keep up. And so fortunately,

you have been ruthless in forcing us to slow down. And... Which is funny, because I still feel rushed and I still need to work on it. So the feeling of being rushed is like, that's all it matters.

I feel like we're at a good cadence. No, I'm not saying we're doing anything rushed. I said that flippantly in the thing of like, what I have to work on is feeling this urgency every day to just get everything done. And I wish I could slow down and enjoy the moment instead of constantly be thinking about what I need to do next. Okay. Rapid Fire. I don't know if this podcast made any sense for you all.

I think we really jumped around. But. I'm going to keep going. It's good. Rapid fire things we wish we knew. How important it is to have good relationships with friends who aren't just yesmen. I was going to say sounds random, but I don't know why I was so stubborn about this after our first kid. Take any and all help you are offered.

I didn't want anybody's help after our first kid, which I don't know why. but like meal trains gifts people dropping off and helping or stopping by helping with laundry taking older kids to school for you like whatever is extended to to you take it that's a community wanting to help co raise a baby it's a doorway to relationships no one told me how helpful it would be to have family live nearby that would be It was something that we honestly stumbled into delightfully. No, your parents. Your parents made that happen.

I know. That wasn't even our idea, really. No. Thank goodness, dude. I know. I can't imagine. And that means more the older we get and older our kids get. I know.

And maintaining those relationships, dang near at all cost, is worth it. I would say a reminder here, just like, protect your time together after you have a kid. you don't get a lot of time together. So protect it. And you're not even with our date nights. We get really stubborn. People will ask us to go on double dates. And we still hang out with friends a lot.

But we're like, you know what? Our date night is for us. And we protect that. No one told me how fun it is. It's interesting. When you talk to couples who are married and don't have kids, they'll talk about each other. like, oh, yeah, she does this or he does that.

And then when you have a family with kids, it's more of the we. I know. Pronown, right? And that's, it's really fun to, like, go through that process of becoming a we. Mm-hmm. And I don't think anybody told me that that would be such a delightful process. And, you know, there's some figuring out of, like, hey, this is our style as a family. And we're doing it together, baby, you know?

Yeah. we have always said and I mean that or I think this is pretty true with every kid we always said the four month window is kind of like the light at the end of the tunnel I feel like the first four months you feel like you are in the clouds just kind of not even it's not even surviving but it's like you don't get to come up for your first breath of fresh air until around the four months mark. So if you are in it and in it deep,

know that it gets easier and it gets better and better and better and better. All right, real talk. Can we talk about how many cleaning products we used to have under our sink? So many,

like a ridiculous amount. Different sprays for counters, glass, laundry, bathrooms. It was chaos. And now we basically use one thing for everything, which kind of still blows my mind when I think about it.

It really does. We have switched to Brant basics. And honestly, it has been such a game changer for us, especially with kids running around all day. I feel so much better knowing what we're actually using in our home. That was a big thing for us. You start realizing how often you're using cleaning products. I'm talking on the counters, where we prep food, on the floors that kids crawl on and the laundry that touches your skin all day. Exactly. And what I love is they're concentrated. It's one formula that you dilute to make basically everything. Laundry detergent, bathroom cleaner, glass cleaner, even produce wash.

And it actually works. That was my big question. Like, okay, it's plant. mineral base, but does it clean? It does really well. And it's fragrance-free, which I love, because we're not filling the house with artificial smells. It just feels safer, especially with kids and pets around. Honestly, it's earned a permanent spot in our routine. We've replaced a lot of our old products with branch basics because it just simplifies everything. And I love that it was founded by women who are trying to create safer products for their families. That mission really resonates with me. Plus, once you run out, you just restock the concentrate, so it's simple, less clutter, and honestly, just easier to keep up with.

And here's the good news. Branch Basics is now available everywhere you shop at Target, Target.com, Amazon, and of course, branchbasics. Tossing the toxins has never been more convenient. And if you're grabbing the premium starter kit, you can still get 15% off at branchbasics.com with our code EastFam. That's code EastFam for 15% off the premium starter kit at branch basics.com. And after you purchased, when they asked you where you heard about them, make sure you mention our show. A lot of that has to do us sleep. We did countless episodes on sleep.

and like four month mark usually is when sleep settles in for a baby a little bit and things are just weird and like yeah i will say this people don't really talk about it but let's just talk about it on a short short note so we don't start an argument the more people i talk to who actually speak honestly okay all say the same thing your biggest arguments will come in the first four months in the middle of the night when both of you are sleep deprived, the baby's crying, and you're sleep deprived.

You're going to fight over literally touching someone's toe wrong, but it's just sleep deprivation. No, but nobody told me that this was kind of what I'm talking about earlier. Those arguments you are still important to have. You can't just brush it off and say, oh, it's just because, what do you mean? That doesn't matter.

You're just tired. Don't have the argument that night. Don't have the argument in the moment. I think, like, you got to be there. You got to do it. And then you just, like, you know, it's more room for grace. One thing no one told me is how you might assume your partner knows what you need. But you should not assume your partner knows what you need.

I know. Or how you feel. How about that? I agree. I can do better at that, Andrew. And no one told me how hard it is to be self-aware where it's like, ah, what am I feeling? I don't know what word that is.

And now I have to share it. I got to work on that a lot. No one also told me how wonderful life could be. Yeah. And you make it to the NFL. you graduate from whatever, you get the dream job, you win whatever contest, sell the business. No one told me how silly that feels compared to this. And we have become the front row witnesses.

to each other's life, the living journals, it's been beautiful. And we have so many inside jokes. And we have so many, you know, hidden gestures or subliminal messages we can give each other. And that comes with this, like, beautiful sense of meaning and joy. And there's no greater joy than being fully known. and fully loved, you know.

And no one told me that as much as it's uncomfortable being selfless to allow that, it's like a way better experience than you could dream of. I feel sappy. I want to go snuggle our babies now. I enjoyed this. You got a little savvy. It's not normal. I know.

It takes a lot. I love our family. And I said one of the podcasts that I want to do and something that I want to do with Andrew, we just, so this might be the next one. But this video that you sent was all about all the red flags that we come in with and that we have to work on for the rest of our lives pretty much.

I think the next podcast should be all of our red flags. flags? Ourselves? Of ourselves. I'm not going to name your red flags. That seems like a bad idea. No. Sorry, one last thing.

No one also told me how easily you forget about those million little moments that you stop and think, oh, wow, that was the funniest thing they've ever said, or that was a cutest thing that baby ever did, or that was, and you think you'll never forget about it and it's important to like, I don't know, journal it or write it down or freaking share it with somebody but like that

that is what brings the color to life. It truly does. I'm grateful that you're my color, baby. I like it. You too, baby. Was that what we thought it would be? No. You got anything else you didn't

you didn't know was ahead with marriage and parenting? I don't know. That went some interesting. I think we just drew Mace. Tell us. What you think? Yep.

Was that helpful at all? Thanks for listening. That's how we got. I'm shocked. And I'm Andrew. Until next time.