Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 324 | The Marital Challenges We Weren’t Ready For

Episode Date: August 14, 2026

In this episode, we have an honest conversation about some of the parts of marriage we weren’t prepared for. The things that have challenged us, the ways we’ve had to grow individually and together, and the lessons we’re still learning along the way. We love our marriage, but that doesn’t mean every season has been easy- and there are definitely things we understand now that we couldn’t have understood when we first got married. This is a vulnerable one about expectations, communication, conflict, changing as people, and what it actually looks like to keep choosing each other through it all. Love you guys! Shawn & Andrew ➡ Shop Everyday Cotton and all of Shawn’s favorite bras and underwear at www.https://SKIMS.com. After you place your order, let them know we sent you. Select “podcast” in the survey, then choose “Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew” from the dropdown. ➡ For a limited time, Home Chef is offering our listeners 50% off and free shipping on your first box, plus free dessert for life. Go to www.https://HomeChef.com/EASTFAM. ➡ Find egglife wraps chillin’ in the fridge at Aldi, Whole Foods, Kroger, Target, Walmart, and more. Visit www.https://egglifefoods.com to find a retailer near you. ➡ If you want something your kids will love and you’ll feel good about, head to www.https://GoMinno.com and start your free seven-day trial today. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up, everybody. Welcome back to a couple things. With Sean and Andrew. Today's podcast is about what are some marital challenges you are not prepared for? Wow. All of them. Yeah. Anything come to mind there?

I think you were about to go on the sarcasm rot and be like, nothing. No, I'm not feeling sarcastic today. I'm excited for this conversation. We are coming in hot after a road trip. A road trip for the ages. We literally just got out of the car. So, yeah. You know how it goes when you're in the...

car for over five hours with three kids but I'm excited but now we get undistracted and I had a board meeting at the same time there was a lot going on there but now we made it uh we just went on our last summer trip before the kids start school which felt like the most perfect clothes it did of the summer it did the summer has been simultaneously like maybe my favorite summer I've ever had with the kids and also somehow there's been like a lot of crazy things that have happened I think people have sensed it in podcasts. We've kind of been on a little roller coaster. Not between us and we've had these conversations,

but I think because of outside life stressors, our stress has been taking it out on each other. No, there's just newness. You know what I'm saying? There's newness. It's the stress from newness. Yeah. Also, to clarify, we are not figuring out newness within each other.

We're figuring out newness in, like, situations outside of life. Yeah. In the workplace, you know. Yeah. Yeah. And you may notice that we're also not in PJs today, which I don't know. Did people like it? People said it was a nice, chill conversation because we were definitely speaking quieter. We were like.

Yeah, we had sleepy babies all around us. But I kind of liked it. I did like it. And I would like to have a maybe monthly wine and conversations podcast where it's chill and we just talk through something. You know? Yeah. I am just grateful. That's how I feel today.

I'm grateful to be here. Grateful that we get to do this. And someone was talking, we met a new friend on our road trip and we were talking about the podcast. They were talking about their working styles, him and his wife. And I was just looking at you.

And I was like, you know what? We spend all day together. All day. And we work together. Everything. We parent together. date together and we date each other sorry yeah and I'm like I wouldn't change a single thing you know what I think we've taught our daughter to do better than we've learned

because we take it too personal is like we have taught our daughter especially having two brothers and being the oldest and being like the most mature we've taught her very clearly to like tell us or tell your brothers or tell people you're around when you need space and when you need to have like alone time and she does it frequently. Why did you bring that up after I said being to get you and me together? Because you always are like we spend every way second together. And I think you and I need to learn how to this is like a new thought, you know, this need to learn how to respect being like, you know what? I need to go take an hour of myself. Maybe that's the first challenge is when Sean I first met, I was super busy doing college football.

I was leading several school organizations. I was doing full-time student stuff. I had an independent career. Yeah. Not matched with you, like completely independent. And then boom, here we are. And we're doing this together. We've been doing it for 10 years.

And the challenge, I guess, there is it doesn't always pan out like you think it will. You know what I'm saying? And fill in the blank situation. But it's like, I'm grateful. again, to say that maybe that hasn't been as much of a tough challenge as it has just been, like, unique challenges, unique things to figure out together, you know? But I think let's start from the beginning. So you get married.

And we've done a lot of podcasts on leading up to marriage. But you're getting married. Everyone tells you all the cliche things. Marriage is hard. Or on the opposite side, people will be like, it's a breeze. It's so easy. and I think the world, the good side of it, you know, does a decently good job at like preparing you for marriage to a certain extent. Like it's all this like lead up.

But then boom, you get married and people are like, yeah, have fun. And I think the first one that we wrote down here, the first hurdle that was a little shocking to me that I wasn't prepared for mentally is this idea. that when you're at the altar, it's not just a finish line, it's a start line, which we say often. But on your wedding day, you're like so smitten and giddy, and you're like, there's nothing you could ever do

to annoy me or whatever it is. And then let some time sink in. It's like, oh, wow, you throw your socks everywhere. That used to be cute, because then you would leave and go back to your apartment. Now it's not cute anymore. That whole, like, roommate mentality of trying to like blend styles together,

I think was the first thing. I was like, huh, yeah. I gotta figure this one now. Yeah, and I do want to say before we fully dive in here, that we're not trying to scare anyone or talk trash about each other. Or stir the pot in any way. We just want to maybe remind you that maybe you're not the only one

going through some of this stuff. And maybe this show or this conversation is a good impetus to say, Oh yeah, I'm going through that too. And actually that has annoyed me for a little bit or I wanted to talk about that or actually I realized that I've been doing that and I need to apologize for that or whatever. But yeah, the roommate phase, the roommate reality, you could call it. You're just adjusting to sharing everything. Sleeping together.

I mean, I didn't snore when we first got married. You didn't snore? I didn't snore when we first got married. Did I? You think that's like a new thing? You think I've always snored? You have always snored. Okay, well, then that's a constant challenge.

That's a great point. I don't know. I didn't snore when you first date. I didn't want to snort. Well, you didn't say anything about it when we first got married. No, I didn't sleep. Yeah. But that's a good example of these challenges where you're like, oh, yeah, it's not a big deal now.

But I hit the 10 year mark and I was like, I can't handle this anymore. We got to fix it. But you're sharing a bed. You're sharing finances. And there's different baggage. that people come into or situations or like soft spots that you if you will routines now all of a sudden it's like am i a morning workout person not really naturally i wouldn't say but now i've had to adjust because because i appreciate you know the ability to stay fit and physically strong i i need to do

that and i'm not going to be able to do it later on in the day so i got to do it at five whatever in the morning. Yep. And you got to blend routines. You got to share homes and kids. I think that's honestly the hardest part for us in like our situation is we, after we got married, so quickly our life changed so much and so frequently. Like we went from having separate jobs to merging them and kind of like going into business

together. Well, we didn't even have jobs. We were students when we first. first met, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. And then you went to the NFL and we bounced around like our home location frequently. And it just like there were constantly things changing. And so very quickly every ounce of our time was spent together, which was amazing.

And I do think we navigate that really well. But that was like a huge adjustment for us that we were not prepared for. but we also, I think we handled that beautifully. Yeah. I think the craziest part of our marriage in the inconsistencies of like home locations and jobs, we handled well. I agree.

I agree. And I think, I think there's a lot of grace and patience that needs extended. This episode is sponsored by Skims. I feel like every time Skims launches something new it becomes the first thing that Sean reaches for. It's true. Their everyday cotton collection has become my everyday uniform

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After you place your order, let them know we sent you. Select podcasts in the survey. Then choose a couple things with Sean and Andrew from the drop down. Before I forget to, I wanted to share this perspective shift. as we're going through these challenges, maybe someone's engaged or dating and they're like, oh, what if my partner does this? Or what if they are like that?

I don't know if I could deal with it. And I think it's helpful to change your mentality, back to commitment to even if this happens, then fill in the blank. And I think it's the part after then that is in your control, that is how you react. And it's the part after the even if blank, that that doesn't matter.

But you can make a commitment and a promise for the then part. You know what I'm saying? Then I will deal with this. So what if we end up feeling like roommates together? That's different than even if there are moments or phases where we're in the roommate phase. then we'll figure it out then I will still love this person and I will still show up for them you know what have you felt the roommate face honestly I was just thinking this is a weird question but I was like I was going to ask you are you happy are you happy in your marriage my what yeah

do you feel like we have a happy marriage you were going to ask me that yeah oh my gosh yeah yeah I agree too I I do too and I'm just thankful your skepticism around that answer no there's been a couple conversations that we've had recently with people, other couples, where they like look at each other and it's almost like there's unspoken hopes or dreams. You know what I'm saying? I'm like, oh, we're not on the same page or I wish we were on the same page like that. And go ahead. No. You're about to say so. I think we have a beautiful marriage. You are still my best friend and like the only person I ever want to spend my life with. I think maybe after 10 years of marriage,

I would never answer that question and be like, I'm not happy. I think you and I are maybe both feeling with the tension in our arguments and stuff of like, I don't want to say a tenure, humor me with this. Not a 10 year exhaustion, but it's like kind of like we brought up even on the podcast. we've had the same arguments so many times

that I think we're at a point where we're like, listen, we're 10 years in. Then what? Then I'm going to change. Who? What? Myself. Yeah.

Okay, so the whole scheduling conversation that many of you were keyed in on several episodes to go where there was like, yeah, it was personal. It was personal. Yeah. We had the exact, we were talking with our dear friends who had the exact same conversation. To the teeth. It was actually comical because like they had had their moment that day that we were with them.

And I was like, oh. But to your point, it is interesting. Yeah, that's in your pivot or like you just like, are we still talking about this? Yeah. And if it's you giving the critique, you're like, I can't believe I'm still talking about this. I've encouraged you or tried to help you change for 10 years. And if I'm on the receiving end of the criticism, it's like, hey, why can't, like, I know, I know I'm imperfect, but why can't you still love me?

We're not getting into it. I don't want to get into it. But it is funny that they are also at the same point in their marriage where there was like a same year too. It was like a turning point. I will say this. This is not to get back into that conversation, but I will say this. I have reflected on that conversation a lot

because one, I do feel like I crossed lines and you and I crossed lines and exposing that raw vulnerability and we talked about that. But two, I was reflecting on I have had the same argument and I have had the same approach with you for 10 years and I'm sorry for that.

No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you've had to add the same conversation. No, I know, but I do being with you for 13 years, understand you. And there are so many complexities and, like, beauties to the things that I fell in love with. And rather than attacking them, I should do a better job at trying to figure out something that works with your complexities and uniqueness and beauties that I fell in love with. Which we're, I feel like we're making good strides. We are.

It's been back to Sean's point about new contexts or newness. I feel like we've been able to dig in and kind of view things from a different perspective. in a way we haven't in a long time. I'm grateful for that. And I'm sorry that you're still having the conversation. And I think it's cool that we get to continue having these conversations. And I appreciate the concept of marriage to give us a runway for us both to work on whatever the heck we need to, whether it's grace or scheduling. And I'm grateful that airing out my scheduling issues, there's worse thing.

You know what I'm saying? But I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry. No, but I'm saying that's something to be grateful for. I know. But it's also that maybe the second challenge is the erosion of certain habits or routines on each other where it does, well, I don't even know if I want to, like, maybe it's a game that you play.

Maybe it's like, yeah, you're engaging with this idea that like, I can't believe I've told you 200 times now. Or, oh, no, it's fine. So maybe that's another challenge. I think second big thing that people don't prepare you for in marriage is communication gaps. I think people talk about it briefly. I think you'll hear people speak about it. But it is really a thing because within the timeline of marriage where you go from like newlyweds where nothing could annoy you to like 10 years. years in.

With maybe kids. Yeah, you realize that just naturally by design, you marry a different person than you. And you both, whether you think so or not, have different communication styles. And I think those gaps and those differences expose themselves more as time goes on. And you're forced at some point to either start figuring it out and learning how to like communicate with one another. not necessarily change your communication, just how to understand each other. And that has taken us a lot of time.

And we will probably forever be working on that. I think people, I don't think that ever really changes. I think you just get better at adapting and understanding and communicating. Yeah, I mean, you marry a different person than you, but also there's a saying of, I've been married to six different people

and they're all different versions of you. And so like I think if you are doing this right, if you're doing marriage right, then you are changing, right? And you're helping each other change positively in like a sanctification type way. And also as you get older, there are, I would say increasing amounts of responsibility that you take on. you know what I'm saying? Mm-hmm. Whether that's a growing business or a growing family or whatever, you know, you kind of like, kind of like graduate into more responsibility, which is then taxing on communication

or it's like it's new for the individual who's growing into that. And then to try to sort through all of that newness and share that kind of. constantly and continuously with your partner. It's like, well, I've never seen this situation before. Yeah. And I don't know what I think about it. I don't know. Like, maybe you lost a parent.

You're like, well, I don't know the feelings I'm feeling. I'm three years past this. And I don't know how to tell you that I'm still sad or whatever, you know. Something you and I have talked about in depth before. I'm sparking because it's like an interesting concept. the idea of we're all wired from birth to like communicate in a way that we are raised around and whether you want to continue that or change that if you want to change that that takes like active work on top of bridging a communication gap already and so the complexities within

and those things that are like historic are complicated as well. And take time and patience. Mm-hmm. Yeah, the awareness that you kind of slowly unearthed. It's of your habits or routines that were not readily apparent. Yeah. When you were younger, it's interesting. Back to school season makes dinner feel like a daily puzzle between work, practices,

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Go to HomeCef.com slash EastFam now. Free dessert for life. That's homechef.com slash EastFam for 50% off your first box and free dessert for life. you must be an active subscriber to receive the free dessert. I also, well, on our notes here, communication gaps. One big thing for you and I has been, I'm curious for you listening. Are you team tone matters more? Or team, the literal words that come out of your mouth matter more.

And it's been so fascinating for us because I am more. and I need to have empathy. Like I'm more, hey, I, I know I'm low energy or I know I'm fatigued or, you know, our newborn kept this both up last night. So my tone isn't super excited right now, but just listen to the words I'm saying, not how I'm saying them, please, you know what I'm saying? What are your thoughts? Because that has been a communication gap for us.

That's a communication gap for you and a few people. Yeah, you know, like Yeah, I think I know you're talking about Yeah And Because what if I just don't got it that does? It's my tone I don't think there's a right or wrong

But I do think there's stylistic preferences You want it warm and fuzzy all the time And I'm like, I just don't I think it It comes down to, I'm not a scientist here I don't know, but I would I would wonder if maybe. I love you.

Kind of like how people have love languages and how people argue, because there's labels around that now, right? Like the, if you're... There's vocabulary to like acts of service. Yeah, okay. Yeah, but there's all these like different quadrants people can live in and be deemed. I wonder if a style that just resonates

and that I receive better is tone, body language, tone, demeanor. And I wonder if you just receive better, none of that, but the actual words. And maybe that's just how it is. I wonder. That's a good one. And I wonder if there are tips and tricks.

for those two differing styles to appreciate each other. Well, I feel like back to grace and patience. I think that helps. And we have come a long way. I think like that's why I'm able to talk about all these. I feel like lightheartedly because I think we're all like we both have a little ways to go with each of these challenges, but also we've made a lot of progress.

There's this book I read called The Gap and the Game. It's really a business book. But it says you can either judge your situation by looking from where you are to where you have yet to be or where you're hoping to be or metaphorically turn around and say, oh, this is where I am and look how far I've come. And that's the gain. I agree. The gap is what you have left to achieve. and I'm like, hey, we've come a long way. So thank goodness for our closing communication gap.

All right, another challenge. And I do think this gets more nuanced when you get a little older, probably with kids, the extended family dynamics. I'm the middle of five kids. So there's siblings that I love dearly. They're my closest friends and brothers. And I love them. And then everyone gets married

or goes off and then, you know, maybe you don't see them every day like you used to or you probably won't, to be honest. And then they have stylistic differences, five, ten years later, and whatever. Their kids go to different schools and there's different issues and they're into different things and you are doing your own thing or maybe it's the in-laws and maybe your mother-in-law moved to town and there's like the proximity there that can cause a certain amount of friction. And I would say one, remember the Carl Pilamer 50 Lessons on Loving book that we read? So good. It's so good. We recommend it. He also has a book called 50 Lessons on Life. He talks about how time only worsens problems with your closest relationships.

That aren't addressed. Yeah. Yeah. Or they go unaddressed. An unaddressed issue will only get worse with time. And I think we've done a pretty, like, there's been issues. Yeah. And I'm grateful that we've aired them out early and often.

Anytime there's like. With extended family dynamics. Yeah. And it's not being, it's not being nitpicky or like dramatic about, oh my gosh, I can't believe. It's having the awareness that that is clearly a soft spot. or that was a totally different reaction than I've seen from them, we need to talk about this. And then like not talking about it reactively.

For us, it's always been, oh, that was tough. Or that hit me the wrong way. I'm going to schedule a call with them or a meeting with them in the next couple days that is able to air that out a little bit, you know? Yeah. I think extended family dynamics take a lot of energy and they take a lot of energy outside of your, you know, immediate family. However, I think they're really important.

We approached extended family from day one with like a lot of energy. Yeah. We, even before we got married, we talked through how our holiday is going to work because both families mean so much to us. How do we like value and appreciate both? Where are we going to live? How is the commute going to work? Like we really wanted to preserve.

family dynamics and like foster them. And I think the more you can face those head on really quickly is really important. And, you know, even if you have baggage or like big things in your family that might come out or that are there, like talk through them. What happens if X, Y and Z happens? What happens if someone moves? What happens, you know, when your kids get to school age or, you know, you know, know there's just so many things that we've really talked through and had to deal with over the years that have made us, I think, stronger in our marriage and dealing with extended family.

Yeah. Yeah. It's a couple of things. One, I feel like when you're younger, there's like this, oh, how are you going to navigate the holidays? Where are you going to go for Thanksgiving or Christmas? And that's, like, important to figure that out. and that kind of like lays the groundwork for future conversations.

But also when you're younger, you have this idea of like, we have a growing family. You know, we got young kids. And inevitably with the growing number of humans, whether that's in-laws or niece and nephews or your kids or whatever, there's growing number of problems, you know, because humans tend to bring some problems with them. And this, you know, nephew, so-and-so.

got in trouble at school and now it's causing this whole beef because people don't see that they should resolve it the same way and then you're like it can all turn into drama you know what I'm saying it's like it's just not worth it so I've realized or I'm understanding that as our family grows our extended family grows there really is like it's not the same equilibrium point you know what I'm saying it's always changing always changing and that's a worthy cause to try to preserve. I think that was my favorite lesson I ever learned about marriage and relationships or that I read. It's a opinion, you know, not a fact, but it was when you had me read meaning of marriage.

And kind of what you said earlier in the podcast of you'll be married to six different women all the same person, you know. I will change and evolve over the years and so will you. But if I'm embracing that idea that I will do that and you'll do that, then everybody else will do it as well. So you're constantly changing and shifting relationship dynamics. A kid becomes a teenager and someone becomes an empty nester and someone has a new baby. Dynamics are always and constantly changing. And if you can be flexible enough to like work on those and constantly keep balancing the scales, I think it works well.

And also as you're saying, I feel like it's, it makes it more important to have the family rhythms together with your, with our immediate family, but also extended family. Like I'm just thinking the more you're able to kind of have the maintenance conversations as opposed to the, oh my gosh, now we're two years into this change and no one's talked about it. So it's more of a dramatic situation because it's grown and been undelt with. And also, I feel like boundaries matter and establishing your own traditions matter, but it needs to be a give and take.

It's not all about like, oh, this is my boundary and this is my traditions that I want or that I want my family to have. It's like, now you came from a family that had its own rhythms and routines and traditions. And it needs to be a little bit of a give and take. You know what I'm saying? It's not, I don't think it's a, I'm drawing my own line in the sand. You know, it needs to, you need to cater to your family extended wise and immediate wise.

School is back. Calendors are full again. And somehow everyone in our house is hungry at a different time. Exactly. And that's why we keep egg life, egg white wraps in the fridge. They make it easy to put together something quick that still has plenty of protein. Egg life wraps are made from egg whites instead of flour with at least 11 grams of protein and fewer than three grams of carbs per serving. They come in six flavors, you guys, and work anywhere you'd normally use bread or a tortilla. I'll fill one with eggs and cheese for breakfast, turkey and avocado for lunch, or whatever leftovers we had when the day gets a wait. from us. It kind of makes you think why wouldn't you make the switch to this? Exactly. They're simple, versatile, and genuinely helpful when practice, work, or school changes the plan. Find Egg Life

Raps chilling in the fridge at all the Whole Foods, Kroger, Target, Walmart, and more. Visit egglifefoods.com to find a retailer near you. Okay, next one. Money pressures. Do you think people prepare you for that? No. No. I think Yeah, this has been an interesting one because we've been all over the map with this. Having great jobs, not having any jobs. Like, I think it's as much of an issue as you want to make it. You know what I'm saying? Obviously, you need a certain amount of money.

I don't think adding pressure because you want a bigger house or a fancier car helps. So I think maybe like there's some dynamics there. I think the greatest thing you can do for money pressures and like money conversations and the conflicts that come up around money is get aligned on. We've talked about this before. Your values and like what you want from your life. I think if you can have that conversation early on of what does your dream house look like? When do you want to live in it? Okay, now backtrack.

What does that look like financially? I think if you both understand each other's goals, then it kind of ripples down into the little categories of money of, well, how are we going to get that money? Does that mean working a lot of jobs to get there faster, you know? Yeah. But it's just being open. It's understanding what your,

small families, visions, beliefs, values around money mean and staying consistent to those and not being pressured by other people. You have to figure out what your family stands for and why and what you're doing about it. And so that it gets easier to navigate other people's opinions on that, if that makes sense. Yeah. I mean, this is a complicated one because like there's so much that goes into the inflow and outflow of money. It's like, oh, now my mother-in-law needs to have in-home care or now so-and-so needs medication or like, and you're like, okay, well, do we have, like, how we're going to navigate that?

Yeah. That tightens things up in certain areas and then you got to adjust. But it's like, that's another thing that's always evolving where you're like, oh. But I also think that's still the conversation of, like, values and what you're, family stands for because there are families who maybe would say like that's not my responsibility that's what i'm saying yeah that's what makes it so complicated yeah it's like okay that now that's a different type of pressure that's where i go through we've had so many hypothetical conversations of what are our end goals look like what are we aspiring to reach are those responsibilities we want to

take on, are those not? And then you backtrack it to say, what does my life have to look like now to get there? Yeah. I'd say there's only one amount of money that you should strive for, and that is enough. And that definition is different per human being. But it's the, I think it's the contentment. For sure. But enough for us might look like enough for someone else. What? Enough for you and I might look like, might look different than what someone else would deem enough.

Do we have enough? Yeah. Yeah, we have enough. Yeah. And that's what I'm like, I think that's what you're advocating for too. Yeah. Yeah.

Is to pretty much, I don't know, just like work within that sandbox. Mm-hmm. Okay, next up, the career and ambition balance challenge. Yeah. we also let me anecdotally just give a giggle to the amount of background noise you and I are hearing the kid's screaming you as a listener are not hearing it but okay sorry I think they're glad to be out of the car uh this is interesting because I think this eves and flows it's a challenge because like

yeah I'm not as ambitious now as I was in my 20s you know and so that's a different version of Andrew that you're married to. Interesting. I think the opposite. I have different ambitions, you know. I'm not, no, the Andrew that you used to be married for,

I used to work for 18 hours a day. And you were good with that in some ways. And now I'm like, I think you're so, that's fine if that is your perspective of yourself. I think you are so beautifully efficient. and aspirational and driven now,

and, like, you know where you're going that it's wildly different than what you were when we started dating. And, yeah, that's a different challenge. In a way better way. I appreciate that. I'm glad mission accomplished. Hopefully I can stay on that course.

But also there's just hiccups. Like I said, when I was first dating, Sean, I was like a student getting my, master's degree and courted by all these NFL teams. We went through that phase and it was like, oh, so yeah, how are we going to deal with this? And then fast forward three months and no one's courting me professionally and you're like, how are we going to do with this? So you go through the highs and the lows and you're like, okay, for us, that was so good

because we looked at each other. We were like, we freaking ride or die, baby. And we're going to go for it. we've had incredible beyond our wildest dreams accomplishments and experiences and you're like how you're going to deal with that and then we've also had lull moments where we're like you just got to you get to go through it all and I think you could look at all these different challenges we keep going through them but like you can either view it as a nuisance or like it's bonding dude it's all part of the story it's all part of the experience and

your front row seat to each other. You're the witness to each other's life. And it's freaking a blessing to be able to do that with you. That's true. You've always said if one of us succeed, the team succeeds. And I believe that. Like there are so many different phases of life that, where you ebb and flow through like,

you're the kite holder and you're... The kite. Someone's the kite holder and someone's the kite. And then you swap. And it's like, you're just constantly trying to build each other up. or pick each other up. Like it's, yeah.

Yeah, you got to, you got to be able to play different roles. Rolls. Rolls, yeah. Okay, last two, big ones, parenting curve balls. No one prepares you for.

Challenges that you have to overcome. I've been thinking, like, it is so different being married to a mom. Yeah. Would you say I'm the same person? No, not even remotely. I would say no.

No, it's the same qualities that you've always had. For sure. But it's applied in a totally different context. I feel like a different person than I was even when we were dating. And also, thank goodness, I love this person. But it is like... Intense. It's not as...

You have so many tracks going on in your mind at any given time, which is an incredible quality. You're thinking about the kids dinner right now. I know you're thinking about dinner. And we got to wrap up. because you got to start to salmon at 445. I do. Yeah.

All these things. You're thinking about, okay, did Bear get enough lunch? Did you know, protein? He didn't. Are they, did I order the back bag, backpacks for the kids in time for them to get? You're like. Drew's came. I was worried.

It was backwarded. That is different than the other Sean, which was like dating Sean. It's like, oh, hey, we're going to make sushi tonight and whatever. It's like you still had tracks going, but they were different. And as parents were always looking for things, our kids will genuinely enjoy that also reinforce the values that we are looking to teach them at home. That's why we've trusted Minow for years. Minow is the number one destination for Christian kids content with hundreds of shows that help children know and love God and the Bible. Our kids love shows that they have like the laugh and grow Bible for kids,

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Exactly right. And some algorithm choosing it for them. Minnow is really conscious and kid first. And every episode goes through a 50-point review process covering theology, child development, and creative quality. And everything is completely ad-free. We have met the team and they are awesome. They really do care about our kids. And I'm grateful for that. If you want something your kids will love and you'll feel good about, head to go-mino.com and start your free seven-day trial today. Again, that's go-minnow.com to start your free seven-day trial today. I, this is a self-serving, sorry, but just reflectiveness on all of that and how parenting has changed and like it changes you.

And we're both like, how do I say this? We've both been a son and a daughter our whole life. We've been friends. We've been, you know, employees, all these things. You and I together had never been parents. So I think part of the parenting curveballs are just, it's all new. You're trying to figure it out.

I'm trying to figure it out the same time. I don't know what style I like. You don't know what style you like. It'll switch. We'll change different. Like everything changes. It's just all new territory. And that can cause some curveballs that you have to like figure out.

Yeah. It does add a large quantity of new situations where, yeah, whether it's medical type of styles. Had a lot of those. Or, yeah, or whether it's school types of church. Yeah. How are we going to do discipline? You're like, bang, now we're getting in the nitty gritty. And then that's what I'm saying.

It unearths all of these different. Oh, I didn't know. I didn't know. I felt so strongly about this. That's the hard part is like you so quickly with the parenting curveballs and nobody really tells you this. You so quickly will do something and you're like, oh, I don't think I liked that. I don't think that felt good for what I maybe. maybe believe as a parent, which I didn't know I believed, you know, vice versa.

And then you have to like go from your parenting role to your co-parent role and go talk to your co-parent. And then you have to go from a co-parent to like the husband role and wife role. And there's just so many dynamics involved in like, how do we feel about that? What was that? Which makes me thankful that we've started that best time tradition seven years ago where it's like a time to kind of unravel all that. But again, it's a blessing. I think it's a it's a blessing that you get to have all these new situations that does allow people talk about self-improvement.

I've said this before. It's like, oh, yeah, you wake up and running's hard and a marathon's tough. I've done too. I know. It's good. I know. It's hard. You do find something about it about yourself.

But guess what? You get married for 10 years. You have a couple of kids. Bro, you're going to be looking at a different version of yourself than you've ever seen. It will. It's the rest. You're like, oh, I did not know that that makes my patients go to zero so quickly. Or I did not know that I, whatever.

Like there's so many different new situations like that. And I think it's a blessing if you take it all with a attitude of like, oh, okay, that's not how I want to be. Yeah. And this is who I want to be. Back to having a vision and how important that is where you're going as opposed to this feeling of guilt. But all right, last one.

And then we leave you with encouragement. But just knowing that everything is an ebb and flow, marriage is for the long haul, not a short, perfect picture. So it'll go through good times, bad times, hard times, amazing times. And it all evens itself out if you just stick with it and keep chugging along.

Do you feel that way? Thanks. Do you feel that way? No, I, I, I'm so grateful. Wake up, try harder tomorrow. No, just try again tomorrow. I don't even need you to, I don't need you to do anything. I know you don't.

I know you don't eat that. But I'm going to do it. Same. For you. I'm going to do that for me, for you. I'm going to do that for you for you. for you, for me? I don't know, I just got turned around.

Marriage is awesome. It is. And we dissect it and we reflect too much. And a lot of times we don't just live our lives like we should just simply. But it also is how we're wired. We are wired to coming from elite athletics and stuff from both of our sides and the way both of our brains work. even if you met our kids you'd be like oh i get it now we dissect everything we have to in order to understand it and to appreciate it better our four-year-old it's how his brain works you cannot he

will ask you a question yeah can i do this no it will not work for him that answer will not work not the no but he needs to understand the complexity of the answer and that's you and i it's funny because there's been a few comments here and there about like, oh, you guys are just unpacking things that are better left unpacked. And I'm like, I don't know, we for years showed up to practice, watched film, talked to our coach about making the tiniest little tweaks. Yeah. And we'd watch that same practice play in football 80 times saying,

hey, if you just moved your foot angle a little bit there, or if you just start it, if you keep your eyes on that instead of that, and you're making tiny little tweaks. And I feel like, yeah, that's what we've, in some ways, not unnecessarily in a nitpigy way, but we've tried to do that in our marriage. That's what we're good at.

And it's how we know how to handle a problem. I don't want to say we have problems, but like that's how you and I attack something to fix something. Yeah, because it kind of gives us hope that we can change. But anyway, if marriage has surprised you with, The challenges that it presents, just know that you're normal. And it does make life a little more colorful. I don't think there have been very few days that I've been bored since I've been married.

You know what I'm saying? And I'm grateful for that. I'll take it as a compliment. And I feel like no couple is ever fully prepared for everything that comes their way. That's like a good thing to figure out together. Yeah. You know. Speaking of, let's go.

face these three munchkins who are probably punching each other right now. Let's do it. I enjoyed this. I enjoyed this too. We needed this after. I did actually. I did. That's how we got.

Thank you for listening. If you haven't yet, please like this show, this episode. There's a little thumbs up button. In case you're new to YouTube, there's a little thumbs up button there. You could also subscribe on whatever platform you're listening to. Give it a rating if you so. choose to and we'll see you next week. I'm Andrew. Until next time.