Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 33 Matthew + Emily West

Episode Date: August 26, 2020

Today in episode 33 of Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew, we’re chatting with contemporary Christian musician Matthew West and his incredible wife, Emily. Topics we cover: - First impressions (Matthew and Emily were engaged after 3 months!) - Pursuing a friendship first - Using laughter to get through hard times - Loving who you are, not what you do - Enduring hardship and finding gifts in trials - Refusing to fail - Being an example for daughters - How not to succumb to the pressure of perfection - Forgiveness and grace—grace for each other, grace from God If you haven’t yet, please rate Couple Things and subscribe to hear more. And if you have suggestions/recommendations for the show, send us your ideas in a video format – we might just choose yours! Email us at [e-mail]. Last but not least, learn more about Matthew, Emily, and all they do at the links below. ––– Matthew West ▶ https://www.matthewwest.com “Hello My Name Is” – book ▶ https://www.matthewwest.com/books/hellomynameis “Brand New” – album ▶ https://www.matthewwest.com/music/brandnew The Matthew West Podcast ▶ https://www.matthewwest.com/podcast Follow @matthewjwest on IG ▶ https://www.instagram.com/matthewjwest/ Follow @mrsmwest on IG ▶ https://www.instagram.com/mrsmwest/ ––– We’re supported by the following companies we love! Make sure to check them out using our links below. Glossier! Get a glowy, dewy look and 10% off your first order ▶ https://glossier.com/podcast/EASTFAM Best Fiends! Download Best Fiends FREE on the Apple App Store or Google Play. Learn more ▶ https://bestfiends.com/games/best-fiends/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

what's up everybody welcome back to a couple things with Sean and Andrew a podcast all about couples and the things they go through today we have a treat for you two of our favorites Matthew and Emily West yeah we first met them at an Easter brunch it must have been five years ago Andrew yeah but Andrew grew up idolizing Matthew West he's a Christian singer songwriter yeah podcast host five-time author nonprofit ministry leader, husband, two-time girl dad. I mean, I could go on. Yeah, the list goes on. And Matthew was and is one of my favorite musicians of all time. He has been nominated for a Grammy five different times. He won the 2018 Dove Award, a songwriter of the year. He won an AMA

award, a Billboard Music Award and a K-Love fan award. And his wife, Emily, is way cooler than he is. I mean, their stories, yes, their story is absolutely incredible. They talk about how they got engaged within three months of dating and meeting each other. Which is pretty quick, if you ask me, but I respect it. The story to accompany that is incredible. They talk about the hardships of being together and being married while he's on the road and he's on tour and she's a stay-at-home mom. I feel like they have a lot of really good insight into how the life of a musician

and the life of a stay-at-home mom kind of works. Yeah, one of my favorite things we talked about was the different expectations for what their family life would look like. One came from a more broken family, the other from a pretty, I guess, healthy family. And so working through that was really interesting and how they communicated to each other. So Matthew also recently launched a new podcast called the Matthew West podcast. And today, actually, our episode with him where he interviews us was released. So go check that out on the iTunes store, Spotify, wherever you listen to your podcast.

We had a blast. He is an incredible interviewer. Please don't miss it. Check it out. Yeah, I think we laughed the entire time. I'm not going to lie. Our interview with them was pretty serious. His interview with us was a straight clown.

So you obviously have to listen to both. Yeah. So anyway, before we jump into this episode with Matthew and Emily, if you could subscribe to the show and give it a rating on whatever platform you're listening to, that'd be great. But let's go ahead and roll into this one with Matthew and Emily West. Matthew, Emily, welcome to a couple things. Thank you. Thanks for having.

It's good to see your faces. Honored that you came here. We were just on your podcast last week, I guess, and that was a lot of fun. So much fun. One of the best interviews we've ever been a part of. I'm not exaggerating. And you guys have been interviewed millions of times, so I know that's not true. I mean that, though.

You had such purpose behind your questions, and then you kept, like, bringing it back around throughout the entire conversation. It was really good. The hardest thing for me was you guys have both done so much and are doing so much that I was like, I think this needs to be like a three-part interview. Like I was like, man, I can't even get all this. I wanted to talk about you guys are so fascinating. I wanted to talk about it all.

So it was a lot of fun. We laughed a lot. Here's my question for you guys. How many interviews have you done as a couple together? This is number two. No way. Well, like a podcast. I mean, we've talked on radio and stuff before together.

Very rarely. Yeah, so this is only our second podcast interview together. We were on Annie F. Downs podcast, which is how we met her, and now mine is on her network. But this is only our second one. And I'm excited about this because I love having conversations with Emily in the room, because she's such a light. Do you enjoy having these conversations or is this something that? If you, just talking about us, absolutely. Do you know what I mean?

If it's anything harder than that, I would. would be very nervous, but I know us. Yeah, this is easy. So how did you guys meet? Do you want to talk? You do. So I was auditioning for a record deal, and I was down to pretty much my last option. So all the labels had passed on me over the course like three years.

So I got a call from Universal Records. They had started their Nashville office, and they gave me a shot to come in and audition for their staff. And so I went into Starstruck Studios, which was owned by Rieva McIntyre, and all the executives were there. And I walked into audition. And I thought it was going to be all suits and ties. And it was, but then there was Emily in the audience. And I was like trying to focus on getting a record deal, but like she definitely caught my eye. But I was like, no, this, you got a job to do here.

Like you got to, you're not here for a girlfriend. and you're here to get a record deal and I remember she came up to me afterwards and told me I did a good job but I was so nervous to talk to her and my hands were super sweaty that I just like I didn't shake her hand and I just kind of brushed

you off a little bit it was only because I was super intimidated because I was like yeah she's too pretty like that's not going to happen and if you saw pictures of me back then like I wasn't always this incredible

so that's how we actually met like i wound up signing with that company they they were the first and only label to offer me a record deal wow and then she and i started dating from that which i didn't realize we were dating until we had already been dating for like three or four weeks because i just i thought she i thought it was her job at the label to be nice like to welcome oh right right and i kept inviting him like to church and out with my friends and just you know funny getting to know him so we were friends at first but then i was like you know you can i'm signing with the label so you don't have to keep inviting me places we went and saw rascal flats and she looked at me she's like what are you talking about i was like well isn't this like are you like the the greeter or

the greeter's blessed and she goes no i like you and i was like I remember going, oh, oh, like, that's why you were being so nice. So we got engaged within three months. No way. Seriously? Yeah. That's amazing. It was crazy.

It was crazy. How did you know? How did I say? I had, like, well, what's crazy is right before signing that record deal, I suffered this freak accident. And I fell through a window. This is a long story. Oh, my gosh.

I wound up in intensive care at Vandy. and had severed an artery and had all this like it was crazy all these complications and so instead of me seeing my dream come true it just completely like all hell broke loose and she was with me the entire time so I actually had this scar that goes all the way down my forearm and it reminds me of like that moment so I cut my arm really bad I'm in the hospital for five six days and But she stayed with me the entire time. And we had just started dating. So I, some of my most vivid yet hazy memories are, I'm in the hospital, I'm on morphine. My arm is a, looks like from a war movie. And she would go to work. And while she was at work, I just kept thinking, I have to shave.

Like, I'm in a hospital gown. And I didn't want her. We were still in that, like, dating. Like, this is not when you want to be seen in a hospital gown looking. Like, I mean, I remember getting up and trying to, like. Exactly. So I remember getting up and, like, trying to shave, like, before she would come back from work. But that kind of trial, what we found is, like, that can be a huge catalyst in a relationship because you're kind of thrown into the fire right away.

And she didn't leave me. And she could have because, you know, I think she, you put it. a certain way that really meant a lot to me about like people whose dreams don't come true. Right. I just remember thinking I would sit outside. I would let him rest when I would after work go and sit with him and then he would kind of doze off. So I would just sit outside just to give him quiet. And I remember thinking after a few days because they had to, this is, they had to open up his arm to let it heal. And he's just laying there and he's left handed. And I remember thinking he, they didn't know if he would ever be able to use his left hand again.

And you know, you're a songwriter and you play guitar. And I thought, do I want to be with even if he doesn't get to pursue the dream of music, the ministry that he feels like he's called to, you know, like that could lead to a really unhappy man. But I was like, no, I'm not going anywhere, you know. It was just a... She met my parents that way. Like my parents drove all night from Chicago, and I don't remember any of this, but she said, like, my parents said they'll never forget that moment of, like,

they're walking down the hall at Vanderbilt, and she was sitting outside the door, and they all just started crying and hugging each other. and, like, that's how they met. Wow. And so I was still recovering and in physical therapy and my arm was like in this crazy brace. And we're dating through that whole thing. She would help me tie my shoes. She would come to the house and like fix me a meal or help me clean my house and that kind of thing.

And I just was like, this is like, this is the one. I don't know. Just the way she cleaned the house, I was like, she's a winner. She's a winner. Emily, I'm curious. So you and Sean have something in common. Neither Matthew or I sounds like left a very good first impression.

So what was it that was like, I want to invite this guy to the Rascal Flats concert. Like, I'm just so curious. Honestly, it was how funny he is. I mean, clearly you know that by now. Like, I just, even now, he can do something that just drives me absolutely crazy. And then he'll say something that is so funny

that I can't be mad. Do you know what I mean? So it was bad. I thought you could do that too. Andrew isn't like, it's not the words. It's the actions. You'll be annoying me and then you'll do something absolutely ridiculous. And I'm like, okay.

You think my dancing's ridiculous? Is that what we're? It's the dancing. That's it. Yeah, I don't think I'm, I mean, it certainly was an appearance thing. Like, if she was attracted to me, like physically, then she's got some. No, he was so cute. And he had highlights, blonde highlight.

He's kind of round. We're going to have to pull up a picture. We'll have to pull up a picture. It's like, I called it like, well, like in the contemporary Christian music scene, there was just an era of like highlighted blonde hair. And it was just, it looked, it basically is like, oh, that person's in Christian music. It was that kind of thing. We interviewed Jeremy and Addy Camp and I was looking at some of, oh, he was the king of that. Yeah.

He was the king of that look. That's exactly what I had. The frosted tips. Yeah. You should try that look. Andrew had dreads. I did have dreadlocks. Yeah.

When you met? No. Yeah. I was going to say, I wanted the first impression. But you didn't make a good first impression? Terrible. I guess. I thought I met a,

I thought I was like the funniest person on planet Earth, our first date. And then she stood me up for like nine months. I was like killing it. What was he died? You were just like, this guy's not. It was just a whole, it was the whole situation. Okay, make this as short as possible. I was living in L.A.

I was just kind of in a rough place transition from like a bad relationship, whatever. Somehow had his number. Texted him late at night when I was with a girlfriend. And I was like, you should come to L.A. And this is like 11, 12 at night when we're just sitting up being girls. Wake up, fall asleep, and wake up and he's in L.A. And I was like, this is creepy. You send me the invite.

I'm going to, I'm a big place, man. And then he doesn't have a place to stay. He didn't bring any clothes. He's like, nothing. We go on our first date. And he's like, yeah, mind if I, like, bunk at your place? And I was like, this is forward? It was just, it was.

But now knowing my husband, it was the most sincere just attempt at meeting a human being. And it was adorable. But I was just, I was like. like I don't know who this is that's amazing way to put it out there though that's impressive he just jumped on a shot you know shooters shoot or shoot but why not pack a bag like because he actually impulsively decided in the middle of football practice so changed and barely made a flight to L.A. I remember you telling me this yeah and then you ended up meeting up with your brother like that night when you landed in L.A. that's impressive listen this podcast is not about

us it's about that that's a good story though we did read something today i'm curious to get your thoughts on it because it sounded like you experienced this where um to like have the right intentions and finding a spouse you should pursue the friendship first and then like the ancillary like looks finances or whatever else people look for uh it sounded like you guys had the opportunity to do that just by happenstance is that right i'd say i'd say that's accurate wouldn't Oh, for sure. Yeah, we definitely did. I mean, we were friends for a few months before we knew we were dating,

before he realized we were dating. Well, a few weeks. Yeah, and then we got engaged to our future. I mean, I was attracted to her, no doubt. I think I was also attracted to the fact that she was like this career woman, like she didn't. And the fact that she was showing an interest in me before I had had any really notable success in my field.

So honestly, that was pretty intimidating. Like, at the time, I remember that being like why why would she like me like she she I knew how many guys were after her and like way more successful than me so it was like I remember dealing with like insecurity a lot in in our engagement even I was like this just seems too good to be true like why and uh you know but I think that it allowed us to really by going we developed a friendship by way of her seeing me at my worst me seeing her at her best and and that was a really special thing. But yeah, I do think now I look back and I'm like, it's harder to find somebody

who is really, you always just want to know that you're finding somebody that loves you for who you are and not for what you do. And I think in all of our professions, you know, we've probably experienced that a little bit where I used to always gravitate to a girl who just loved the fact that I picked up a guitar and sang. Like, that was like, that's why you start in college. You know, I'm playing. It's like girls liking that. And Emily was the first one that was like, she was already around the industry. Like she could have dated country stars or whatever.

But there was something about me that she liked and it wasn't the money in my bank account because it wasn't there at the time. You know, so I think, I don't know. It's like she was picking a stock that had potential but hadn't fully matured yet. I feel like though that's one of the biggest mistakes I feel like a lot of people make is, You try to put on a front for your potential spouse or whoever you're dating. And you try to become someone for so long and you get tired of it. And then the other person's like, I don't know who this is anymore.

And I think it's actually beautiful when you get thrown into the fire that quick because you actually get to see who each other are. I feel like we watch The Bachelor and Bachelorette. And it's just like they paint such perfection. They set them up to have, of course you're going to fall in love with someone. It's absolutely perfect. there's no hardship right and it's not until afterwards that you actually learn the hard part of relationships in retrospect like that trial while I would have never

wished it upon myself that was a gift for us and plus my tendency at the time was I was single-minded like I was focused on my career 100% and I had broken up with girls in the past that it was like like get behind me Satan I'm focusing on like that was like my mindset was like nothing's going to stop me from pursuing my dream of music so what would typically happen is if I started dating somebody then it came time to go on tour and I was doing my thing and building my career I'd be gone for two months at a time like driving myself to college campuses and like I could care less about whoever I had been dating because I'm playing at Notre Dame or whatever for 200 kids and that was like this stopped me from being able to run and to be able you know i couldn't leave a situation and all those tour dates were canceled and i hit my rock and it like kept me home and it kept it like opened my eyes enough to see okay maybe there's a there's a song i put on one of my records that talks it just about it's called something greater and it says and i thought i moved to nashville just to sign a record deal but now

i'm looking at it and i'm like oh like that wasn't why i moved to nashville it was because it was for her you know so it's funny i just i don't know why this crossed my mind when you were saying that like it all moves so quickly for us that when he called my dad to ask if he could propose to me my dad had you even met my dad no he goes and my dad is interesting but he goes you know he's like mr bradley i'd like to propose to your daughter i don't really know what he said and my dad said oh okay wendy's most important deal of the day has a fresh lineup pick any two breakfast items for four New four-piece French toast sticks, bacon or sausage wrap, biscuit or English muffin sandwiches, small hot coffee, and more.

Limited time only at participating Wendy's taxes extra. I mean, she seems to really like you. It was not. Like that was it. Not because it would just happen so quickly. Oh yeah, even my parents were like, dang. Like, is she pregnant or something? No, I'm just saying.

It was like, it was just like fast. but I just knew I knew and I just so we were we met and we're married and within a year wow um of meeting each other that's awesome and now we've been married 17 years yeah so I'm curious the the music touring this is quarantine has prevented you from touring this year but pretty much every other year you're on tour yeah to some degree yeah 70 to 90 shows a year so we have friends that not in the music industry but I feel like there's parallels whether it's like the military or one of our friends is like a ship driver who's gone like three weeks every month and then back for a week and it's like how have you done that emily

i'm curious because that's a big strain we've been fighting through like you know the raising a child together with two people is difficult and then one person if they're gone for 90 days it's like right um you know it's always been this way we've never known any different it's almost feels weird, which we love it. But having him home now, this is, we were thinking the other day, this might be the longest stretch he's been home one other time. But it's just always been that way. And my kids are used to it. And I mean, I was raised by a single mom. So I had that, you know, it's a good and the bad of that example. So we just, he would go and we just, you know, kind of, he would kind of not laugh, but sometimes he'd come home and we would just

be like, oh, hi. Just bringing him back into the fold has always been a challenge, I think. Wouldn't you say having kids and you know he misses a lot but it's also like we got so routine and knowing what to do and I knew I was up in the night and I was driving everyone everywhere and you know what I mean it's like when when somebody's gotten good at you being gone that's really hard like that's something that like for me I've had a lot of guilt for a long time about the amount of time I've had to spend away from my family and sometimes the only thing that'll get me like to snap out of that guilt is the few minutes that I'm on stage because I feel like okay this is the purpose for why like I'm I'm doing something good I'm encouraging people you know people

are finding hope and there's a lot of good that comes out of that touring but there's just a lot of personal guilt that I've always dealt with that so when I'm on the road I feel guilty for being home when I home sometimes I feel guilty for not you know and so that's just like a annual struggle and daily struggle for me. And so this season has been like, I mean, and I think I've heard people say, people have tried to describe, you know, for those who've actually enjoyed quarantine, they feel bad for saying that because there's obviously so many people who are hurting and unemployment and all those things.

The way I've put it is just that I feel like it's been bittersweet in that, like, you know, all of our concerts have been canceled. there's been a lot of like financial repercussions and having to try to take care of your employees and all that stuff. But at the same time, I've been given a beautiful gift, you know, in kind of restoring some of the time that I've lost with my family. So there's like a, there's a worship song called Blessed Be the Name. And there's a part where it says, you give and take away.

You give and take away. But I'll still say, blessed be your name. And like, I've been thinking about that song a lot lately in terms of our family. It's like something's been taken away. like money shows applause merchandise all that stuff that's been taken away but simultaneously I can see the gift and it's been kind of restoring some time with my daughters but there's probably been some moments in the last four months where they're like go get on a tour bus like leave us alone no I don't think what has it been different from the starting relationship so you guys

started basically when you weren't touring you weren't the the big name we all know now how did you guys work through that transition of like going and pursuing your dream and getting signed and going on tour and kind of changing the way your lives looked I feel like I just always knew that would be I just really loved his music and felt like he was such a great communicator and I knew he was called to do this but it it hasn't looked different for us like for us he's still, I'm sure he feels, wait, he's still Matthew. And when he comes home, I hand him the garbage, you know, to take out, and he throws his clothes on the floor, and he's just dad.

Even so much that our kids aren't really interested in people thinking he's cool. Do you know what I mean? They're way more interested in meeting you guys. Yes, it's so true. They were so excited. But I mean, even like a teacher will email me. We played Matthew's song during this, and we'll say to Delaney, like, you didn't tell us that they played, and she's like, oh, yeah.

It's embarrassing. Jimmy, like, they don't want. So it's him being on the road. He's great about being intentional with all of us when he's home. But then when we go on the road with him, we're a part of it. You know, like I'm working for a compassion. They're going on stage with him. Lulu sings a little.

The kids are selling merch. Like, this is just all very normal to them. We homeschooled our kids for four years to make a change because of we just felt like these are some incredibly impressionable years. And it was like, okay, this is the struggle with dad's job. but with dad's job comes the opportunity to put hey we could we could all go on a tour bus together and live the kind of life that few kids ever even get to experience and you could see all the states and you could visit all the museums and you could I mean and we had a blast I mean it was

like this unbelievable experience for four years that was a total game changer and she was like a rock star homeschool mom and like we'd be on and the kids live lived not all the time, but like they would go on tour and they'd live on this tour bus. They'd get off and it was their life was hilarious. Like they were just like, you know, which mall are we going to, which museum? And I mean, just the experiences that they had like behind the scenes at NASA and Houston and like just all these, you know, I remember one of the neatest moments was, do you guys remember? You probably wouldn't. The movie Dolphin Tale.

Yeah. About winter, the dolphin. Yeah. But, like, it would be moments like that where, like, the guy who owns Winter the Dolphin in this Marine Park heard me talking on the radio and said, hey, we'd love to take your kids to have a personal meeting with Winter the Dolphin. And, like, the kids were like, this is the best thing ever. Or going to Disney World and, like, Dad's playing there, but they don't, so they get this special, like, they don't have to wait in all the lines. The one time I took them to Disney World where we were just going to Disney World. They, I was like, I've raised some spoiled kids because they were like, we're standing in line.

They're like, dad, just go tell them. And I'm like, no, it's not. It works. So we had some incredible times like that, but it did get to a point where it was like, selfishly I would want them with me on the road all the time. Is that what's best for my daughters? Is that what's best for the family? Not at this time.

And that's why we put them in school. But those are some pretty cool moments. Do you guys, I don't know if you put thought into this, but do you have like a, a mission together as a couple. Like, I'm curious, is it, hey, we got to support Matthew and his singing career. Like, because I think Sean and I's operation is like, I am the support crew for Sean and my mission, I feel like kind of personally, it's man individually, is just to help her flourish as much as possible.

And vice versa. Yeah. probably yeah yeah yeah but i think like now together we're thinking about well how can we you know speak positive positivity to other people's families like that's kind of what we view as as our kind of niche yeah i don't know if you guys have put thought into that or not that's a great and you guys are doing that too like with your youtube series with the podcast what i love is like it's like you guys have been married for how many years four So to be married four years and already have a desire to go, like, okay, maybe there's some other couples out there who are struggling to figure it out, or they're looking up to you guys going, how do we stay together?

I mean, because we know the statistics. We know how many marriages fail. We know how many kids grow up in broken homes. If I, like, I would say, like, an element of our mission statement, and you can tell me, I mean, we've never, like, written it down or tattooed it on each other. but like that could be a fun day but like um we've talked one statement that we've said over and over again is refusing to fail when it comes to our marriage like the the the word divorce is not an option like we we don't speak that word that's probably maybe the only time i've said that word and our like we will that is not an option failure is not an option and we come from different

backgrounds so you know our motivation and yet our motivation kind of meets in the middle so my parents been married they're celebrating their 50th anniversary this year and you know i've seen a lot more that i'd care to repeat than that i care to discard emily's background way different way different and so i've been inspired by her determination to create a new reality for her kids whereas i'm coming at it going, I want to recreate some of the reality that I had as a kid, but I would say refused to, what would you say? Oh, sure. And I would say, too, ours is very, in my mind, it's very similar to what you're saying, like, I knew what I was getting into when I married him, and I knew we wanted children, and I knew what that would make our family look like. Maybe not exactly,

but I had a vision, you know, like I knew what that would probably look like. And our entire family is about supporting him, absolutely. You know, there's not a show that he gets offered that I say, don't do that unless it's like our anniversary or something but we know that he's called to this we know that he needs to go you know he can't stay home and and uh get to enough people so i would say it's absolutely that but in that he's still doing that for us as well do you know what i mean like he's very supportive of everything our kids want to try and do and he's a great motivator of them um and then the kind of the other side my aunt and i were talking the other day and like i'm i get everything done and he's fun do you know what as far as our kids

Because you have to have both. Like, I'm really not that fun. When he's out of town, I almost feel bad. I'm like, do you want to go get ice cream? You know, like, I don't really have much. That's not true. Let's do a fire and let's swim, and he's out there playing basketball with him. And he's all the fun where I'm inside cooking and doing laundry.

And I love that. I don't, you know, but that really works in our family. It's just one person that gets stuff done and when that's fun. And he works hard. I don't mean that. But you know what I mean? But we also know, too, that like, you know, our type of lifestyle and the travel and, like, And there's going to be plenty of pitfalls along the way.

I mean, every couple's going to have obstacles. Like, whatever their normal is, there's going to be challenges of how do you stay connected? How do you stay communicating? How do you stay on the same page? And, like, having a mission as a couple, I mean, that's essential, like, to make sure. I mean, a mission means, like, that's something you're united in as a family and as a couple. And, you know, for us, like, part of the main way that we can say, all right, if we're going to refuse to fail,

we know that we need help beyond what we can do. And so, like, obviously, like, for us, it's like our faith is hugely important to us. And the way that we're, you know, it's like, I know, I look up to my dad, but I know who he was looking up to the whole time I was looking up to him. And I wrote a song about that.

It was like talking about like, okay, he showed me that he doesn't always have the answers, but he's looking to the one who does. He doesn't always have the strength, but he's looking to the one who is strong. And I want to be that example as a dad. She wants to be that example as a mom where we're going to screw up,

we're going to treat each other poorly, we're going to react poorly to our kids, but hopefully our kids will see, hey, you know what, mom and dad weren't perfect, but they were always pointing us towards a perfect God who loved us no matter what. And so I think if we're going to refuse to fail, we know the only way that we can succeed

is by having help and our faith is a huge part of that all right i am curious you guys are in the unique position of like a christian artist and you're talking about setting an example for your kids also other people there's some unique pressures that come with that where like the um the margin for error is smaller honestly for for like matthew west christian artist emily west you know christian artist then it is for sean and andrew who are just like she's she's an athlete i'm athlete you know what I'm saying sure and the example it's it's it's harder in a lot of ways yeah I don't know if you guys have experienced any we had yeah I mean there's definitely what were you smiling for no no no no go ahead okay permission to speak free unless it's something like no no no okay

throw me out of the bus when we were first dating and this is just a just an odd thing okay when we were first dating he had this uh I don't even know like Ford expedition and he crashed it the day before we got married. And then he, I know, and then a few days later, we get dropped off literally at the Toyota dealership and we buy a Camry, you know what I mean? And we love that Camry. Like, I love a Camry. It's a good car.

And then he starts, like, meeting other songwriters for different things, like Christian writers, and they're picking them up in these, like, Mercedes. And he's like, because he, that would not be something he would buy. Just because of that, because of sort of the judgment, like, oh, mm-hmm, you know? So I have laughed at that. I'm like, you work hard, you travel all the time, you leave your family, you buy whatever car you want. You buy the nicest car and it is hard for him. Yeah, yeah, there's definitely, I think in our genre too, like I think people kind of, whether they say it or just think it, it's like they expect,

like they wouldn't expect Luke Bryan to take a vial poverty, but like if you're a Christian singer, you should take a vial poverty or something. And so it's like, look, I've worked my butt off as a songwriter for other people and in other genres and as an artist and so but it is always a challenge for but my dad's a preacher and I remember my dad he refused to buy a new car still does but he bought he finally broke down because he needed a new car and he he kept the car parked in the garage for three weeks and he bought the same color car so no one would realize yeah I was like why aren't you driving your new car is like man I don't want the people in the church to like think that I'm living high on the hog as he and I'm like dad you bought a Honda like he bought a

Honda and he was convinced it like people were going to think oh man he's like spending people's tithes or something so right I think that's one of the pressures and just from a lifestyle standpoint you know it's like there is a lot of pressure there's a I've always since a young age felt a pressure to be perfect and I write a lot about it that now like because with a pressure to be perfect comes like a tendency to pretend to and so i don't like that about me i don't like how good i've gotten at like saying the right things and looking the part and then you just feel like a big old hypocrite when you're not living the part but show me someone who lives the part every second of every day and so i think that's where grace comes in like grace for each other

grace from god you know grace from our kids and hopefully that's the big thing for me is like I don't want my kids to grow up seeing mom and dad were like when the camera was on or when they're on stage or when he's on stage like he's you know this showman and pointing people towards faith and then he comes off stage and he's a different person like I don't want to be a walking contradiction I want to you know not be perfect but like I want to be authentic so there's a lot of pressure in that and you feel like man if I mess up they'll never forgive me kind of thing and that's no way to live your life and I'm thankful that my wife and my daughter don't hold me to that standard like when I come home it's a safe place it's a safe place because I know like there's no judgment there's in oh that we could have more circles around us that make us feel safe too you know what I mean so remind me the ages of your daughters and what grades they're in um Lulu's 14 and she's going to be freshman and Adelani's 11 she'll be in sixth grade okay so I'm curious a 14 year old's interested in

relationships yet dating anything yet because it's happening yeah yeah I was going to ask with relationships and dating having been married and we have a daughter we're going to have to go through that someday which is terrifying are you already nervous about that no I don't know. No, I don't feel like that, like, manly attitude of no, no young kids going to walk through my front door. It's just like, I would hope I raise her that, like, anybody she would hang out with is, like, a decent dude, you know? You'll change, you'll change. I ask, because I'm curious, if you were to give her dating a relationship advice, as a teenage girl, what's, like, the top thing you would tell her or say?

Hmm. Hey, buddy. This is Nash. We've already talked a lot about just being true to who she is. And, you know, she's just kind of funny. She's really not that interested in boys yet. She thinks they're cute and she hopes someone asks her to Homecoming. But she's just not there.

We've talked about, like, don't get wrapped up in a boy and, like, date the same person all through high school. She's like, oh, why would I do that? She's got a really good head on her shoulders about it all. Yeah. Don't you think? Yeah, I mean, from an advice standpoint, I mean, I think we all know, I mean, very few high school sweetheart stories exist. Like, you know, I mean, we talk a lot about like, you know, saving your heart and saving your body and making the right choices. Like, most awkward moment of my life to this point thus far has been our daughter turned 13.

And Emily read in a book that if you have. a boy if you have sons the mom should have the sex talk and if you have daughters then the dad should be in charge of it and i was like that's so convenient that emily would read that because we want to have two daughters so i had to tell i had to take uh i decided when my daughter's turned 13 i'll take them each for a weekend trip no agenda i don't have any shows it's just like wherever you want to go whatever you want to do so she wanted to go swimming with sharks That's awesome. I was scared of sharks.

Like that's my biggest fear. But I didn't want to like, you know, squelchrist, adventure, spirit. So we went swimming with sharks in Florida, 20 bull sharks and unbelievable experience. But then I had to talk about, we went to dinner one night. And I was like, hey, there's, and I gave her a ring that was like a, what do you call it? It's like a purity ring. Yeah, like a, you know, a commitment. We talked about all things like.

And I said, here's the deal. It's got to talk about some things. It's part of my job as a dad. It's going to be super awkward for a few minutes. So just eat your dessert. And please forgive me if it's awkward. But I'm going to try my best. And it's only because I love you.

And because I love you, I'm willing to have awkward conversations with you. And it wound up being a really beautiful moment. But the shark cage diving wound up being the perfect analogy because I was like, all right, remember those sharks? Like, okay, so like, the boys are like the sharks. and they're hungry and so you cannot leave the cage so that was my like

that's what he said that's pretty much what I said we talked about the specifics too but that was my that was my lead in mom's like okay good our girls man they're gorgeous and they're just

you know boys are going to be coming after and we're starting to have like boy girl like hangs so I'm like well let's just do it at our house so I can kind of keep an eye on them Yeah. All right.

So I need some advice. You guys been married 17 years. We're at four. And my dad and mom always used to give us the analogy of like, all right, you're two independent people. And like the goal is to just like a triangle grow towards God, like the center point. We've known each other for seven years. It's like you get to a point almost where you're like, I pretty much know her as, I know her like really well. Like probably 99% of the things to know about Sean, I know.

like maybe am I right how do you guys how have you guys continued to grow closer like and like be more connected because we just had we had a kid through a huge wrench in the whole like connected you know what I'm saying like to be honest with you guys have two I'm just curious how you've done that I just remember those early years of having kids feeling that way but the more for me anyway you have a different answer but for me the more trials we go through the more love him. Do you know what I mean? The more hard conversations, the more getting through parenting together, the more changes, you know, we've moved and just different things that have gone on in our life in the past few years. I definitely love him more than I did when we got me. You know what

I mean? So just going through life, just the day in and day out. And like I love watching him with our kids. So we're just, you know, like you're saying, I think we're just constantly growing closer just through living life and doing life together. And wouldn't you say? Yeah. I think. the time of discovery like the season of discovery with your spouse may seem like it's it comes to an end like it's like what don't i know about you at this point but it it renews itself in the sense that like the more you discover the kind of mom that sean is and how she like keeps this house rocking and the more you discover like Andrew's ideas and creativity and like there's just like there's a new discovery of like i know what makes this person tick i know what

what buttons the push to and all that but it's it becomes like the bigger your family gets too like the more there is to discover and what she said is true like sometimes man the things that we wish never happened they're going to keep us more connected than ever like there's those moments where we've had some moments in the last few years specifically where it's felt like us against the world and it's like man when you have those kind of trials or those fires like i know at the end of the day like there may be a million people around me everybody's got an agenda everybody wants something wants me for a different reason people you know friends may come and go in her life but like i can point to one person who i know has my back and like that

i mean that's a level of connectedness that like you you can't put a price tag on that And so that's been the fun thing, you know. But even like little things, I'll also say, like, her on Instagram, like her, she'll post these things on Instagram. I'm like, gosh, she's hilarious. Like her, like there's things that I'll notice about her. And I'm like, I've known you for 17 years, but I didn't know you had that twisted of a sense of humor or something like.

She just posts these memes on Instagram. I'm like, gosh, she's funny. So I think there's, there is going to be still. more discovery to come and that's what's exciting about it like 17 years in i'm like first of all i can't believe it's been that many years and you'll probably do the same thing where it's like holy cow how does four years turn into 17 years this is unbelievable and hopefully you guys will just continue to get more like deeper and deeper connection with every new stage of life yeah emily i'm curious so based off what i know about your upbringing like matthews talking about

us against the world mentality. Was that something you had to actively kind of work on? Was your perspective based off the example that was set for you? And then like, all right, well, we're going to make it through it. We have this refused to lose mentality. Can you like walk us through that process? No, it absolutely has been that. In our marriage, we both, like he said, refused to fail.

But I remember on our 11th wedding anniversary, I was like, we did it. because my parents were married 10 years. And there was just something, do you remember that? I was so thankful. And, like, even more than any other anniversary, like, we did it. We did better than them. And we're going to continue on. But for sure, I saw, we always say, I learned what not to do in more situations than I care to share.

And so that has instilled in me and my sister's just anyway. She's been married for 20 years that we won't fail. Yeah. Call us in 20 years. It'll still be us beyond a shadow of. of a doubt, without, you know, regardless of what's to come, you know, we won't fail. And I think just having that example and seeing what it did to my sister and I live through divorce and going summers with my dad and, you know, the rest of the year with my mom and what that felt like,

I refused to do that to our kids. And honestly, I think I've always felt that way, but when we gave birth, I was like, no, I'm, I'm hunkering down. Like, this is it. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Because I didn't want to do that to them. You remember, so there's a, there's a line in a song I never released it but it says the world writes it down in pencil but we wrote it down in pen they say when love gets hard take back your heart and start again and it's like the idea of just how how flippant people are with relationships right now and it's like it's crazy just that refusal to fail but I thought I was going to be like God's gift to her to show her my parents are still together I'll show you how to it and you have but what's been

beautiful is like coming from dysfunction and what the woman that she is rising up out of that dysfunction and not letting that define her is yeah is such an unbelievable legacy and I bet there's a lot of people I'm willing to bet people that are listening to your podcast all the time one of the reasons they might be listening is because maybe they come from dysfunction and they're afraid that history is going to repeat itself and I really feel like one of the the beautiful most fitting pictures I could paint about Emily West is that she is somebody who has proven it's possible to rise up out of dysfunctional family or whatever it may be and say, you know what, those chains aren't going to come with me. I'm not bringing that dysfunction

into this house. I'm going to pave a new path. And like, that's, it's possible. And a lot of people just feel like, oh, man, I'm just going to, I'm afraid to get married even because I'm a afraid it's just going to end the same way. And it's like, man, when you make that choice to depart from the dysfunction you knew and say, history is not going to repeat itself this time, this generous, this curse is going to be broken, you know? Yeah. Man, I just, I feel like, honestly, the, the coolest part about marriage.

We talked a lot about second acts when you, uh, had us on your show. Yeah. And it's, it's kind of the same thing in marriage where it's like, you got to go through the, like you have to, you're going to go through hard stuff and you have to make it through that. And then it's like, in, in our experience, so far. are it's like so much better on the other side because you understand each other better and you're more connected and uh it's just like i you you actually said i'm like you said it in this interview you said i love you to him i love you now more than i ever did even at her wedding i say

it all the time and i feel like it sounds weird and bad to say but i tell andrew every single day i want to get married again because like we've been going to friends weddings and i'm like Like you have no idea what love is when you get married. You truly don't. Like we watched a friend get married the other day and we're like, you just don't know yet. And I mean, we're only four years in, but it's because you go through so much. So true. And I just like laugh at the person I was, which is funny.

And it's still a beautiful thing. But you just go through all the junk and it just gets better and better every time. Well, now with your beautiful baby, it's like, I mean, have you found that it's like, all right, I mean, has that brought you closer together, too? I know you're joking about, like, the chaos. I mean, it's like, I mean, we probably had some knockdown dragouts when our first baby was born. For sure.

I mean, because, like, nobody's sleeping and like, I can do so vividly remember him coming off the road and Lulu was like four months old. And I was like, he just got off the road. Like, I don't want him to have to get up at there. I was nursing. So I'm in the living room and she's crying and I just started crying. And I'm not really. cry her and I'm like oh it stinks you know and then he walked out and he was like

give her to me and he took her and I went to bed and slept for hours you know that I had needed do you remember that oh I remember every good thing I've ever seen that's all I remember no but I mean the kids like that's that's the next level like that's the the next level down from a depth standpoint from an understanding of each other from a closeness to each other from a realization that we can't screw this up these kids like depend on us you know what i mean so it's uh but having how many kids you guys think you're gonna have didn't you got wait like i feel like we talked about this and you were starting it or no this was in your youtube video yeah he started at like a football team i started it too and now we're crossing ways he's going down

i'm going up so you're going up yeah wow i i'm an only child though so i i never understood siblings even just like marrying into a big family i never understood that bond until having a kid and seeing her play with her cousins i could not imagine her not having siblings and the idea of like hearing kids run around upstairs and fight oh i just i want more yeah yeah well it's um i'm on the when i had them on our show i told them i that i had a theory because I like my conspiracy theories but my conspiracy theory is that that the government has arranged them

to have like super babies like super babies with super athletic powers and like that they're going to be our new military and so I think the government's going to decide how many children they have. Yeah. That's really weird. We can't just tell many.

It's a joke. I know. It's like you thought of that? You thought of this. That's really weird. That makes no sense. Wait, okay, so I ask, we ask the same three questions to every couple we interview. Okay.

Okay. But before we ask him, you have to choose who goes first. You. Real quick before you ask, like, I don't know why your dog likes me better than my dog. For sure. My dog is a pug, don't you? We have a haven't. Our pug is in heaven.

Thanks for bringing that. Oh, so sorry. She's in a better place. You have a havenoes. Yeah. Nick. Nick. Nick.

Is Nick not there when you're at my house? I put him in the closet. You put him in the closet? We have different strategies with the dogs. Your dog is like, I think I want this dog to come home. So three questions? Okay, three questions.

So we'll go back and forth. But the first one is, what is your biggest pet peeve with Emily? Just one. Is that where we're going? Just one. Okay, well, when she asks for something to be done, it has to be done

immediately or you will hear it'll literally sound like Alexa is reminding you on a timer Take the trash Did you take your vitamins? Did you take your vitamins? It's nonstop

Like she wants something done But she wants it done right away And I'm like Give me five minutes And I'll take the trash out Five minutes later I'll come And she already took it out

And she's pissed Because I need to put more stuff in there Five minutes later She took the trash out And she's mad at me Even though I was gonna do it I just wanted to do it on my time. Have you ever seen the meme

or video of the same exact thing? Like the wife is saying, will you do this? Two minutes go by and she does it, but she like it's like the full drum line is playing while she does it and she's throwing stuff around. It's awesome. That's my pet peeve. Yeah. So does she

answer now? Emily, what's your biggest? Okay. I've been thinking about this. I don't know why. He is the world's he is the world's loudest sneezer. Oh, dang. I mean like in the middle of the night even like put your head in a pillows because the person next to you is asleep I do it on purpose and then I go did you hit you yes every single time it makes me crazy it doesn't really make me crazy unless I'm like falling asleep or asleep that's my thing all right so I do have to

on that note Sean sneezes but she plugs her nose so it's always like a I don't know but then she never just she never just does it one time it's always like a sequence of 20 and so like the first I'm like, I'm like, God bless you. And then like, by the fourth time, I'm like, this needs to end. Take care of your business, Sean. Control yourself. Anyway. You almost get mad now if I even start.

You're like, here we go. Oh, here we're going. It's your fault. Why are you so allergic? Okay. Next question. What do you love the most about Emily? Oh, man.

I selfishly I love that she loves me no matter what but I know that's me focused what I love about her is the she is so focused on other people she loves people well which includes the people's needs before her own and she's a good friend to people too like she just is thoughtful and thinking of other people all the time, which is in my line of work, like where so much of it is, like, self-focused. Like, that's an inspiration for me. That's got to be one of the things that I love the most.

Was that right? That's what you told me to say, right? Right, right. That's sweet. Thank you. I think, gosh, there's really, I don't mean this, like, cliche, but there's really so much I love about him.

Amen. Amen. Amen. I think the thing, I love the most is just how good he is to us, to our family, to putting us first, like he said, in what he does, it can be all about him. And when it should be, it is. But when he's home, it's all about us.

He would drop anything for us. You know, like, I don't even know, but I think it's just the way you love our family well and you take care of us well. And you let us know that we're your priority for sure, without a doubt. If I said tomorrow, I think I want you to be done. even though you're called to this I think I'm done he would he would

figure a way out to make us happy you know we're gonna be making out after this interview like all these nice things we're saying to each other no you love us so well what I love

I could just see it in your eyes when you're both answering that question is like you know it's kind of a relatively short answer a couple sentences but there's 17 years of backstory to that it's just cool it's like inspiring so Oh, too much, too often we focus on like, what's wrong, you know, so this is, these are good moments to focus on like, I love these questions, thanks. Yeah.

Do you, uh, we always end with, do you have any, I guess, words of advice or maybe it could be encouragement for young couples out there, whether they're dating, engaged or married? What have you guys learned looking back over your 17 years that you would like to share with others? Well, I love some of the things that we were able to talk about with. like what Emily, Emily's story and like, yeah, rising above, like, dysfunctioning your life. I would say just as to piggyback off of that, just from a life standpoint, like, your past is your past and it does not have to dictate your future. And even like for a couple listening to this right now that maybe is in the middle of a rough patch, like this is, this is an opportunity maybe to follow the lead of the questions you just asked, even just like,

hey let's focus on some good things about each other like to take a deep breath and uh the the last and biggest thing i would say is um forgiveness is the is an absolute necessity when it comes to your life but when it comes to your marriage to and what i have found is our marriage is so much better when we're both on a race to the if if i'm sorry is the finish line that we're We want to get there as fast as possible. And the Bible talks about not letting the sun go down on your anger. And it's like too many times you just, I've stood my ground and what does it gain me?

Like, and so I've, I hope my family will see in me, not perfection, but a willingness to let go, hey, I screwed up. I'm sorry for what I said. Sorry for how I handled that. And that diffuses and cuts, it can cut short a long. A longstanding feud that really doesn't need to exist. And that's where the disconnect happens. The farther part you get without saying, I'm sorry, man, that's when you start getting

those different rooms, those days turn into weeks. And we've stood our ground. We've proven to each other that we can stand our ground for quite a while. And that is no fun. And I don't want to be that way anymore. I want to be quick to the finish line of I'm sorry. And I think a lot of relationships could benefit from that mentality. You're so good at that.

I feel better than I am. I would say, I just remember our first years, and ours is a little different because he traveled so much, we're so hard. I just remember being so in love and so happy, but they were so hard, and the thing that, the advice that I would give is be on your knees in prayer the minute he walks, the minute your spouse walks out the door, for everything that they do, every dream that they have, every car ride that they're taking, you're just, it's really helped me to be constantly in prayer for him for the little things and for the big. I think that's what has gotten us to stay together as long as we have. I mean, our marriage is great, and we're totally happy. But without that, I don't know where we would have been. We would be a bit lost without just relying, knowing he's praying for me and praying for him constantly. So lots of prayer.

I like that. I was thinking on that note the other day about how prayer is so cool in so many different aspects, but one of them is like you're kind of like setting goals or ambitial. are like putting your desires out there which I was thinking about how important that is for couples to be on the same page with that like when you're both like chasing something together you're just your team as opposed to like just two people living in the same house so anyway um this was fun i hope you guys enjoyed it we we think the world of you guys and as you mentioned uh in a text thread he he set out would you say i'm like one of um your your oldest yeah the oldest friend in my phone

So we're glad we can impart some senior citizen wisdom on you got But we think you guys are just incredible And I know your podcasts and all the things you're doing are just encouraging so many people And showing them, you know, how it's done, you know And you're showing them while you're figuring it out Which I think is that's the most authentic way to live our lives Hey, we're not we don't have it all figured out We're working on it but if we can be an encouragement to people along the way

and you guys are doing that so keep up the good work appreciate that thanks for having you guys as well you guys as well thank you guys as well