Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 36 Tough times during pregnancy

Episode Date: September 23, 2020

Today in episode 36 of Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew, we’re bringing you the next part in a mini series all about our relationship. You’ve been with us for this whole journey—trying to get pregnant and miscarrying, talking through how our miscarriage affected our relationship, mixed emotions trying to get pregnant again, and now how actually *being* pregnant affected our relationship. It was different, that’s for sure! So we’ll walk you through those feelings and how our relationship provided a source of support through it all. How to prepare financially for a child ▶ https://bit.ly/3kCvzgY “Dude, You’re Gonna Be A Dad!” – book ▶ https://amzn.to/369Aouv If you haven’t yet, please rate Couple Things and subscribe to hear more. And if you have suggestions/recommendations for the show, send us your ideas in a video format – we might just choose yours! Email us at [e-mail]. ––– We’re supported by the following companies we love! Make sure to check them out using our links below. Care/of! Use code COUPLETHINGS50 for 50% off your first Care/of order! ▶ https://takecareof.com Best Fiends! Download Best Fiends FREE on the Apple App Store or Google Play. Learn more ▶ https://bestfiends.com/games/best-fiends/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up, everybody? Welcome back to Couple Things with Sean and Andrew. A podcast all about couples. And the things they go through. Today we are continuing our series about our relationship, our pregnancy, and everything in between. But before we get started. If you haven't yet, we would be honored.

If you subscribe to the show and gave it a rating, it's been fun to hear. your feedback and a lot of you like our alternating schedule of interviews to just Sean and Andrew so we're going to keep that up for the time being and we have a fun little run of show today we're going to be talking about how pregnancy changes your relationship yeah we left off talking about kind of our journey to getting pregnant and us finding out we are pregnant with our daughter drew um we did not know that she was drew we didn't know she was a girl or boy was a surprise but we thought you talk about the dynamic of our relationship because a lot of things change when you become pregnant and it takes like an adjustment period to get used to it takes about

nine months and then we'll have to talk about what happens after that because that's a whole different journey um but when you find out you're pregnant it immediately shows you just how life changes between a husband and a wife. Yeah. I feel like the dynamic is already different when you're engaged and you're dating because girls feel different things, guys feel different things, we have different worries and fears and thoughts and whatever. But when a kid becomes involved, now you're dealing with one partner is carrying, you

know, or in our circumstance, I was carrying the child. You were on the other side. I opted not to. Yes, yes. But it just automatically splits your relationship and your dynamic as parents and makes, not for some tension, but just more things that easily become misunderstood. So it's obviously a time of huge growth, sorry, of huge change and thus an opportunity for growth. Let me start by saying I view the definition of love as.

your willingness to sacrifice and so I think when you sacrifice being a good thing and not a bad thing yeah yeah not like not like giving up what you were called to do as a human but like just putting selfless behavior exactly which I think leads to long term positive growth anyway um when there's huge changes I think that that is an opportunity for growing in love or um decreasing in love right because there's now you're pregnant you have constraints whether that's not drinking wine or you can't work out as much or you're uncomfortable and that can either separate us because I'm not serving you or it can bring us closer together because it's like wow this is an opportunity for me to sacrifice you know what I'm saying couple of things so to give a

little bit of a summary with our journey and our relationship um when we went through the miscarriage we've talked about how that put a huge, huge tension on our relationship. We were the most separated and, you know, not unified after that because of emotion and heartbreak and just trying to like sort through that. We got through that. We came back together. We got pregnant. And then it's truly after we got pregnant that we felt that tension and separation kind of creep back in. Because I feel like up until that moment, you know, as a couple, we had figured out how to communicate and talk in our own languages to each other about everything. Well, pregnancy is a whole new thing. And I think that's one of the reasons why the miscarriage really put tension between us is we didn't know how

to communicate through it. Well, when I became pregnant, we became pregnant, however you want to say that. Became a pregnant. Yes, became a pregnant. It threw another aspect, a new like, aspect into our relationship that we had never dealt with before to this extent and we didn't know how to communicate. So for me, I was feeling different things. I had hormonal changes. I preach. Wow. I was already thinking so far ahead. So everything that I did on a daily basis, what I ate, what I drank, how much I slept, how I exercised was all for this future child that we didn't really have yet like we didn't have drew in the flesh you know in this world but that was so hard for you to understand because you didn't feel that and rightfully so yeah and i do think it's

worth saying that if you're pregnant um or thinking about it and there's tension already that's normal don't get discouraged by that absolutely i think switching your mentality from oh my gosh this is so discouraging because we can't get along ever to you know what we can't get along how can we work to get along and like using it again as like a reason for growth but it's okay if you're frustrated and there's tension but i can i interject sorry yeah i would equate it to you know when you first start dating and you're in this honeymoon phase and everything's great and then you start to get into your relationship and you start arguing about things whether and it can be a big argument or not but you start seeing your differences and you oh nitpick that you didn't do the laundry today or

whatever it is. It's the same thing with pregnancy. It's new. And it's a new, I don't want to say roadblock or hurdle, but it's a new thing and dynamic within your relationship that you have to communicate through. The other thing I think that helped me when someone told me this, just to help shape my perspective, was hearing that the moment the mom finds out she's pregnant or the soon-to-be mom, she is in mom mode. Like immediately, everything switches. whereas for the male, the father, it's not really until they physically see the baby that they're like fully come to the realization

that they're a parent, you know what I'm saying? Oh, absolutely. So just acknowledging the differences and the whole process, I think is really important. I also love how like nobody's ready to be a parent at the very beginning. But there is a nine-month onboarding process. I just feel like that's something that God made happen

where it's like, that's actually, you know, the first three months, I was like, oh my gosh, not ready to do this. And then the second three months, I was like, oh, okay, I could maybe happen. And then the last three months, I was like, freaking pumped, let's go. Well, good.

I'm glad it took you nine months to get there. To like dive deeper into some of those topics that we had a hard time kind of like getting to or getting through was exactly what you just said. So the second, I got pregnant I was a mom I was excited I was thinking about names I was designing the nursery I was buying baby products I was like we had a child because rightfully so you're not like you don't feel that soul change right away I got soul change no I just made it okay um we would get in little like riffs tiffs tiffs Is it riffs?

Is it riffs or? The conjuring last rites. On September 5th. I come down here with you in your house. Array! Array! Hooray! Array!

The Conjuring Last Rites, only in the theater, September 5th. Where's it tips? Whatever. I think both work. We would get in little arguments. Because I felt like I wasn't being understood, and I didn't feel like I had my teammate there. So for me, being the mom, I'd be like, oh, we have to think of a name.

We have to think of boys' names. And then Andrew would be like, we're not there yet. like we don't need to think of a name yet which makes sense but that happened with every that happened with names nursery with buying things i was like girl we got six months still and you want a car seat already like we don't need to be spending and i remember those things are expensive yes and i remember being so hurt by that but now looking back because your partner isn't going to those physical changes their physical change doesn't come until they're holding the baby like that's just how it works. And so I was in a sense nine months ahead of you. But with every month that went

by, you would get a little bit more excited, get a little bit more like, oh, it's getting closer. And I'd be like, yeah, no, like it's happening. Like we're going to the hospital tomorrow. We should maybe paint the nursery type thing. But I remember that being a big point of contention for us because you thought I was being, I was jumping the gun when my life. had already changed, and yours was slowly getting there. We broke this whole difference in relationship when you find out you're pregnant into five kind of different categories. Things change physically, things change emotionally, things change financially, things change

socially, and then things change within your family as well. So it's taken us a long time to kind of jump into those five. We've already kind of prefaced the emotional. emotional side of things with how men and women come to the realization of parents. But to expand upon that, do you feel like part of your emotional progression or change was an increase in clinginess or no, that was a weird way of saying? They stopped. Yes.

I became very clinging when I was pregnant. I will admit that. I became clingy because I was emotional and I was hormonal and I just wanted comforted. I saw, I feared, when we have talked about this, I feared with pregnancy and with having a baby that I was going to lose you. And that sounds weird to say, but like my husband is my number one person in my life. And I feared in having another person join our family that shared your heart. I felt like I was going to lose my husband. And so I almost became more clingy because I was like,

I need to cherish these moments every waking second of the day because by the time the baby comes, I won't have that anymore. That was a true fear of mine. I feel like, I don't know about you, but there's certain things that have that effect of like where you think that it's going to be the end all of your reality.

As you know it, like when my brother, who's my best friend, got married, I was like, dang, I just like lost my brother. You know what I'm saying? But in reality, again, it's like the change is an opportunity to be like, wait, he loves this girl.

I can actually find out more about my brother by learning about her and appreciating her. You felt that end of reality with me, it sounds like. You felt it with NASH. You were like so scared that you weren't going to love the dog anymore because you didn't have enough room, like love quantity to, you know. share it between the dog your husband and a new baby but in reality it's cool that it's not like your heart just grows and that's like a it's a simple way to put it i'm not sure if that's like the best way but it's the it's the correct i like it's it's true it is well and it's my fear it's our fear with having another kid someday i i can't even comprehend

loving another child as much as I love Drew. Like, how do people have five kids and love them all? That's wacky. Yeah, I freaking love that little girl. I know, but I know people do it, and I know you don't replace that love and you don't split that love. You literally, your heart just grows, which I don't know how that works, but it does. Who's saying that Jeremy and Addy Camp, I think, in one of our interviews?

Jeremy and Addy, your mom has told me that. Yeah. Because I even asked his mom, I was like, Marcia, how did you do this? Like how you had your first son guy and loved him more than anything in the world. And then you had four more. I was like, do you just split your time? And she said, no. You just, your heart grows that much.

To match that, actually, I've never had this thought with my philosophical definition of love, which is willingness to sacrifice. The more, I guess, dependence you have in your life, whether that's pets, kids, wives. Wow. I'm kidding. No, but the more, the more you're able to sacrifice. You know what I'm saying? So, like, with more kids, you have to sacrifice more.

And you have to be more selfless. And when I see you sacrifice more for more kids, then I, I, like, appreciate you more. And anyway, that's an interesting thought. Wow, Andrew. That's such an interesting thought. Let's talk about. Andrew language there. Let's talk about how your physical changes as the pregnant mom changed our relationship.

Yeah. reading playing learning stellist lenses do more than just correct your child's vision they slow down the progression of myopia so your child can continue to discover all the world has to offer through their own eyes light the path to a brighter future with stellar lenses for myopia control learn more at sloor.com and ask your family eye care professional for sloor stellar lenses at your child's next visit I feel like for a woman going through pregnancy with a spouse, it's a mental roller coaster. For me, I've talked about this before. I was really nervous being pregnant that it would bring back a lot of insecurities and unhealthy eating habits and eating disorders that I had previously, you know, worked years to get over. Because I put so much emphasis on I thought I had to look a certain way to be loved. I was first of all that needs a whole podcast and I was like I thought in being pregnant I was going to feel more and more insecure with you in like feeling your love and needing your love and being jealous around other women who weren't pregnant I was really scared of that because that's kind of how I've lived so many years of my life of just like that insecurity and jealousy. I got nervous about that.

And yes, it crept in throughout pregnancy. Like the farther through pregnancy I got, the more uncomfortable I got, the larger I got. I kept feeling those insecurities a little bit. But I was really lucky to have you who, you did a very, very good job throughout my pregnancy of making me still feel beautiful with such a crazy changing body

that it kind of kept those monsters at bay, if you will. But it is hard because the intimacy side of pregnancy is hard. Like, it's kind of the same. Is that my naked time? Yes. It's kind of the same. And, well, it's a way to still feel, you know, connected to your significant.

another and it felt normal you know for so many months and all of a sudden things start changing and becoming more uncomfortable and difficult and I'd say the last couple months was really difficult and it it kind of pulls you apart a little bit slow times in the slow times in the bedroom uh I thought you're the cutest little pregnant lady I'd ever Thank you. We were beautiful. What? How do you think our relationship changed as I changed through pregnancy?

Well, let me just say this. I am so thankful that you had like a, I guess, sense of humor about the whole thing. And it was, you didn't take it too seriously. Yeah. Like, I don't know what goes through the mind of a pregnant woman, But I don't know if it's like, oh my gosh, I'm going to be this big forever or I'm going to have to work off the baby weight or whatever it is. But having a sense of humor and like embracing that phase, like there were sometimes we would just laugh at how large. Yeah, it was like carrying your child was.

And I'm not a lot. I don't think that always in sensitive. situations with sensitive subjects like your body image since you've had such a past with that sense of humor is always appropriate because it's not can probably sometimes worsen the issue but fortunately you were able to have that sense of humor enough to make it I guess easy for us to talk about easy for you to open up about because like if you were always super sensitive about it and like sad and emotional. It would be difficult.

Just I would never want to talk about it because like, oh my gosh, this is such a heavy conversation. You always end up crying. You know what I'm saying? Where, anyway, so I'm glad you did that. But I felt from a dad's perspective or to be dad that it was, it was really cool to see you willingly make the sacrifices of,

you know, you used to work out like an insane person and you didn't. because not that not that you couldn't physically but you knew that it might negatively affect the baby's development or like you know drinking wine which i feel like wasn't that hard of a sacrifice for you because you realized how serious i was but anyway you watching you make these handful of sacrifices or the plethora of sacrifices was like it just made me proud of you it made me love you and i know it was hard for you but i feel like it brought us closer together Well, and to tie that full circle, that goes back to how we were saying the day I got pregnant was the day I became a mom.

And the husband or the partner doesn't really become a parent until that baby's there. Because from the day I got pregnant, I had to make decisions for the well-being of our baby. Dietary-wise, with exercise, with sleep, with rest, with everything, I had to be thinking about Drew. so it that's that's a huge difference and it's hard to connect and to understand that as a partner because you're just you're not going to do that and we said this before but again the nine months of pregnancy 10 months whatever you want to call it uh is such a potential learning opportunity to prepare you for actually having a kid where like the sacrifices you made during pregnancy pale in comparison to the sacrifices you made you make now yeah but

but it's like it's preparing you to like start thinking like that of oh hey like how are we going to schedule our day so that Sean's you know we can do what Sean needs to do as a mom I don't know it's just well I think that's cool it's it's a helpful process and for a takeaway for spouses um a couple of things that Andrew did and he he learned and got better and better with it as we progressed through the pregnancy again it's just like an understanding thing that takes a lot of communication a lot of time things that you did so well that made me feel loved and appreciated and like I had a teammate was you know joining in on birthing classes or researching things together or talking through names or going shopping

or painting the nursery but even if it feels like oh we don't need to be doing this now or oh we you know we don't need to leave this event early because she's tired and she's not far enough along or pregnant whatever it is if you just if you just support the other person the one who's pregnant in those things it just makes you feel loved and like you're a teammate well we're going to give recommendations at the end of this for kind of things we learned but I do feel like generally view yourself as a team and embrace your role acknowledge that your roles are different embrace your role put your best foot forward in your role and then also acknowledge just what the other person's doing and their role as a team i don't know if you

remember this but we had this little tradition for probably wow the last four months of my pregnancy we did it every single night i had a weird pregnancy in the sense of most pregnant women when they become pregnant they just like their internal body to temperature skyrockets and they're just hot all the time sounds terrible i was freezing do you remember this uh freezing i could not get warm and every night for probably the last four months because i was achy and just freezing i would take a warm bath and it was not too hot don't worry it was you know my pediatrician said it was fine but i remember it really was like lukewarm which is my worst night I remember ago.

But a sacrifice on your part, Andrew would take a bath with me every single night. Oh, that's, I don't know if that's a sacrifice, but yes, sir, I'll take it. A lukewarm bath every night. But I remember you made me feel so loved and beautiful because for four months,

every time we got in the bath, which you're butt naked, you're really vulnerable there. You would just tell me how beautiful I was. until the very last day where I could barely even get in the bathtub. You'd have to help me in and out. You know what? You are a beautiful baby.

Thank you, baby. Okay, so we've talked about the emotional side of things. We've talked about the physical side of things financially too. It's an, you really realize like, oh my gosh, maybe I should start saving money and maybe I shouldn't buy this thing for me, whatever shoes or a purse. Maybe we shouldn't buy this much stuff for a baby. Yeah.

Well, no. honestly I was fine spending on the baby because it was like you just you've your mind shifts yeah like just instinctually to preparing for this little tiny baby so um I felt like it's a big step for us like we realized hey we actually uh don't have a will and we don't have all these different financial structures set in place like if something bad happens freaking health insurance it's funny how my gosh yeah NFL i and health insurance, that was, so I got cut a month and a half before Drew was born from the Washington football team. And you were one week shy of being covered by health insurance for the

rest of the year, which NFL, you knew that. You did that on purpose. Yeah. So we had to scramble to get health insurance in time to have Drew. And first of all, if you're in a similar position where you knew nothing about health insurance and it seems overwhelming it is it's so expensive but you figure it out and and like you just go through these steps it is a maturing process where it's like you're 25 you don't think about tying or bad things happening it's like oh wait maybe I should actually prepare it's an interesting thing because as a couple we're like oh we're fine we don't need a will it's fine whatever it was just never a pressing issue no well just because because You don't self, like, you don't think about that for,

we're just kind of like, are you good? Yeah, are you good? Yeah, we're fine. But then you talk about a kid and it's like, I need to protect this child at all costs. And you both have that mutual thought. And you're like, what are we lacking? Yeah.

We're lacking health insurance, a will, savings, like anything like that for a baby. And so all of those larger financial conversations quickly come up. with marriage they start to come up with like do you share a bank account do you share a credit card do you like what like all that but with a baby it it brings out bigger more adult issues which is strange you honestly just start thinking longer term and like it's funny I my background is like I'm I used to have like two shirts in my closet I had like a $100 month budget and And I prided myself on a simple lifestyle.

But that just changes when you have a kid. And so that's okay. You think long term, just like you said. Yeah. Instead of thinking immediately, you think, okay, what is their life going to look like in five, 10, 15, 20 years? Yeah. So anyway, financially pregnancy and a child can create a lot of stress.

I would, I feel like what we did was we spent like, two months, honestly, preparing our finances, like budgeting, that was like a huge conversation we had and slash argument. Well, and just prepare. And even within the budgeting process, we didn't know, nobody looks at baby products before you get pregnant or before you have a baby. I think it's smart to like, we looked at what formula would cost for a year. We looked at what child care costs for a year.

We looked at what, you know, all the different options. And we did that early enough that we felt comfortable when the time came to be like, okay, we're good to hire a babysitter how many times a week and whatever. But you just start forming expectations. And again, it's not going to probably pan out into that exact reality of whatever you budget for. But I think just starting to think through details like that was really. Yes. And I will say to anyone who is pregnant, who's trying to get pregnant, who's getting ready to have a baby,

just the best thing that ever happened to us with like throughout the pregnancy was we just talked through everything we talked through hypothetical situations we talked about what Andrew thought and what I thought and how I saw you know things going and how he saw things going and we just talked and talked and worked on that communication so that when Drew came we were on the same page and for us it took nine months to kind of figure out what our life was going to look like and then when drew came we kind of had to start over with different with different topics but just don't be afraid to talk to it and have conversations hear each other out because going back to when Andrew was like oh this is too early and I felt hurt by it take like give the other person the benefit of the doubt

like we always talk about and try to hear where they're coming from yeah and I actually just did a quick Google search on how to prepare financially for a child. So if you're like walking in the dark like we were, we're just going to include that starter list. That's not the comprehensive, but check that out. It's in the show notes. Socially, I feel like pre-pregnancy, you and I prided ourselves on being pretty socially flexible, I guess. We hosted a ton of people, RIP COVID. We traveled literally once every other week. We, We would travel the world. We would go to events.

We would like, we were super active. We did everything. And we traveled mostly to see friends and we would stay up as late as we wanted to or needed to. To be with friends. But it quickly became apparent that that was unrealistic because you had a new level of fatigue that you hadn't had before, discomfort. And then also I think part of it from your side, I could be wrong, was like, you want to rest up for the baby also but socially like without alcohol to be honest with you things like that it's like you just are in less social situations it was that and it was also like

maybe we needed a set of friends if that's the case but go ahead it was that and it was also mixed with like I was so hyper aware of the food I was putting into my body that I remember one of our first big frustrations with this and trying to communicate through it and figure it out was we actually went to California the country music what's it called stage coach stage coach and I was I think I was three or four months pregnant I think I was three months pregnant it was earlier on I was like 16 weeks four months whatever um no I think you're like like like about uh go ahead I was gonna make a joke but then it wasn't funny but it was when fatigue was really hitting me and I started to feel uncomfortable not because of like belly pains and stuff just because it started to like

affect my body a little bit. Your feet got tired. Your back hurt. The whole thing. And I remember at stage coach you have to walk a couple miles just to get on to property and it's just like greasy food and alcohol everywhere. And we usually love it and we spend every waking second there. But I remember it was the first time where I had walked all the way out, you know, a few miles. and back a couple times that day and we usually like a champ we usually like close it down we don't leave until all the concerts are done until it's like 12 o'clock 1 o'clock a.m. well it hit like 9 p.m. 8 p.m. and I was like babe I'm so so tired. Oh that was the one time you got hot too but go ahead. Oh yeah and I was very hot but I was just exhausted exhausted and I was like I really want to go

back and go to sleep and you're like babe this isn't our usual thing like and it it this is going to sound insensitive on your part but it wasn't insensitive at the time it was like you don't have a big belly you're not you know it's not like you're getting ready to give birth it's early on like there's nothing to complain about which I was offended at at the time but looking back it's so hard to understand because you don't feel that physical change but that was a big frustration for us because it was the first time I was frustrated at the restraint of just, like, physical activity. And usually I'm good at pushing through, but I knew that was the first time I was like, this isn't something to push through.

Yeah. I do feel that's a good point because I'd feel like that was kind of our acclimating social event where it was like we had been there before in that context. And so I had expectations of what it was going to look like. And so, you know, when it was getting later and the headline shows were playing, I was like, we're going to stick around and have fun. And I was like, I need to go to bed. And that caused some conflict. But moving forward then, too, I feel like we were both hesitant to do social things because we knew like we were just, you're on different wavelengths.

Like one of you is more, sorry, like the not pregnant one is usually more up for staying up late and doing things. But we worked really hard after that to talk through and plan through our events. So we still, we never limited ourselves to going to events. We just got really good at saying, okay, instead of going noon to midnight, we're going to go from 9 a.m. to 12. We're going to come back and we're going to like veg until 5 p.m. We're going to eat. We're going to nap. We're going to like sit and watch Netflix.

And then we'll go out at night just to kind of like. Yeah. Which we compromised on that. That ended up causing some conflict as well because you coming up with a rough draft schedule. Yeah. Was like set in stone for you when I kind of am more like a caught up in the moment like, oh wait. Yeah, we just got invited to this thing. And I was like, babe, no.

Yeah, it wasn't part of the plan. So again, be aware that that type of conflict is normal and you're just going to have to adjust and communicate through it. but I will say though we were very active we we traveled we did everything I remember it was the week I was supposed I was due we went to a concert downtown and I remember sitting next to like friends and friends of friends and whatever and they're like oh when are you doing I was like oh in three days but that was different though because there was a home stretch and we were like all right we're going to go out with a bang right that was not the full nine months I don't think you're But I think you're a little delusional.

We were very active. Until you broke your toe. A whole other story. Last week of pregnancy. So this last way our relationship changed, I feel like kind of falls under the broader category of just tough conversations that you start having that you hadn't before. And so like this category was family boundaries or like roles kind of. And so I forget what our first kind of like family role.

conversation was but you start thinking about hey so how are these little details of life going to pan out like I usually work out at seven but now we're going to have a baby just like little things like that how is work

going to happen and etc and fortunately I feel like you were really willing to make sacrifices and why you smile and I'm just saying about I'm going to start talking no I it is I have like conflicting thoughts in my head I think we did a really really good job at talking through every situation we talked through what who's going to get up late at night and whatever and who's

going to clean the dishes and who's like we tried to prepare so much we talked through everything yeah which is great because it just makes you aware that there's a lot of things to talk about but I was laughing and smirking because we did all this work we talked through it, we wrote it out, we contacted people, we were like we tried to be as prepared as possible and we still weren't and everything was still a blur and we still had to work our way through things and we still had to start over once Drew got here and rethink our whole plan but I think because we had these thoughts because we worked through it because we talked through things while we were pregnant and we weren't just like oh we'll just figure it out when

the day comes it prepared us to talk through it and work through it and communicate through it once Drew was here yeah so there's still plenty of figuring it out when the baby comes but it's good to kind of start understanding what game you're playing and so like I guess make an analogy like all right you're about to have a baby let's figure out what the rules are and should i not continue this analogy but like you you just start familiarizing yourself with these different this new different way of life but anyway let's start so all that to say yeah some of the things that we would recommend when you're pregnant is one schedule and romance I'm super glad we did this we did this probably when you're six months pregnant

Thursday night, date night. We've continued that since. We never scheduled romance. I was, but Thursday night, date night, though. Can we, what are you doing? I thought you were saying, like, we scheduled sex. No, we didn't. No.

That's very unromantic. Thursday night, date night. Yes, we did Thursday night, day night from six months on, I mean, all the way up until the week, we gave birth, including the week we came home. We did date night, and we still do it. And we did that more with the realization of when we have a kid, this is going to be harder. So let's just start the tradition now. So I would recommend that.

Schedule in time to be a couple. Yes. I would say to be as spontaneous as you can. I'm really glad that we ended up taking that California trip last minute and made, honestly, our baby moon was kind of last minute. Little things like that was, we were able to. to form memories because we broke the pattern of what our normal everyday life during pregnancy look like. Well, I think just realizing that having a baby, being pregnant, there is, it's not a

confinement. You're not, you know, not allowed to socialize. You're not not allowed to travel and have a life. You should. The more you have fun, the more you love your spouse and take time for each other the better parent you are and I believe that in pregnancy and after pregnancy so don't don't think you know because you're a parent you have to give all this up you don't it I mean it it helps yeah on the note of traveling I would recommend and I can't believe I'm saying this I would recommend taking a baby moon I feel like when I first heard the term baby moon I was like get the frick out of this is a joke but um it was in some ways like the last marital trip we had and even though it was like you're pregnant and uncomfortable when we

did less than we usually would on a trip it was very special it is and that doesn't mean you have to fly to portugal you like take a staycation to a hotel next door or wherever just setting aside time to just be husband and wife don't talk about like baby and pregnancy or whatever just just enjoy each other yeah which you keep prefacing what my next point is it's great the last recommendation i would have is it's going to be so easy to focus on just baby related things like what what i know needed to do what like how excited you are which is all really good things to be thinking about but make sure that you do don't have the baby related conversation overwhelm like the personal connection and like hey how is your day

and you know what are you enjoying doing things like that and to bring that full circle sorry to interrupt you go ahead the best way i felt supported through my pregnancy was when you showed love to me which played into my whole fear of I thought I was going to lose my husband to our child. And I think, just like Andrew was saying, if you can make each other a priority, what we said the day Drew was born, if we can constantly continue all through pregnancy, and since having Drew make each other our number one and Drew our joint number one, then it works for everyone.

Let me rephrase that. So, Sean is my number one. Drew is Sean and I is number one. Yes. It's our number one. I would say it's probably more of a tendency for a female to like just be all about the baby in conversation and what, where her mind thinks. So I would encourage, this is a note for our second pregnancy, talk about more than just that. And don't just like say, hey, did you buy the, did you buy the, you know, the, you know, the.

the crib yet or whatever like just talk about like a human being and i would encourage the partner to who's usually not going to be all about the baby they're going to be more about life and living life as best they can before baby comes to be more about the baby it's that compromise so every once in a while ask about what's an exciting product you're thinking about or what names are you thinking about or whatever yeah um and to the dad's out there I read a book called, dude, you're going to be a dad, which is like the most, it's like a cliche or well-known, a baby book for dads to read during pregnancy. Here's a quick summary, and I'll link the book too. But the first tip is prepare for fatherhood by getting informed about what the next nine months of pregnancy are going to look like.

It was really helpful for me to, like, understand, like, hey, you know, first trimester, I had no idea what that meant before you were pregnant. You're probably going to feel sick. You're going to be whatever. like it just kind of gives you a heads up or yeah encourages you to have a heads up about what's coming um the second point is use the second trimester to prepare for the challenging stages ahead that's the third trimester which is a really hard one and then pregnant like the actual birth third tip is get to know the birthing process itself as a due date draws near the mom is typically freaked out about the whole thing if it's the first time around and so

you being able to understand what she's talking about and what she's scared about is really helpful. Fourth is... How many are there? Well, there's like... We're just going through the whole book right now? There's five. I just didn't know.

Jesus. Sean... Is this okay? I don't know if we're going chapter by chapter here. I'm just doing the key ideas that we've written now. And so the fourth is make sure that you're supporting your partner in the final weeks. And that's just, you know, in whatever way possible. I bought you the side sleeping pillows.

We bought those little, like, knockoff compression boots, the whole thing. And then the last one is communication planning and that general supportiveness is going to be crucial as you transition to the next phase. So communication, I feel like, is always important. Be honest. Speak with truth, love, and grace. We actually just read that in a book today. um so that's our spiel on how our relationship changed during pregnancy i hope in whatever way that informed you um maybe encouraged you ideally if you are pregnant um but it was a special time

i don't know if i'm looking forward to doing it all again but what no like it's hard it's how i guess i'd have the easier the easier side of things like though, don't I? Yeah, which makes me think you should be really excited for it. Yeah. I feel like we should end this podcast right now. You just dig in a great way. Thank you for listening.

Hope you're having a great day. If you haven't yet, please subscribe to this show. Give it a rating. And we'll see you next week on a couple of things. Peace. Thank you.