Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 39 Doug + Jamie Otis

Episode Date: October 14, 2020

Today in episode 39 of Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew, we chat with some new friends of ours, Doug and Jamie Otis. Doug and Jamie are parents, entrepreneurs and hosts of their own podcast, Hot Marriage Cool Parents. It was such a pleasure to talk with these two today about parenting and their journey as a couple. They are both incredibly open and vulnerable during this episode, and we commend them for that. Make sure to tune in to their podcast... you might just hear us on there! If you haven’t yet, please rate Couple Things and subscribe to hear more. And if you have suggestions/recommendations for the show, send us your ideas in a video format – we might just choose yours! Email us at [e-mail]. Last but not least, learn more about Doug, Jamie, and all they do at the links below. ––– Jamie's website ▶ https://jamieotis.com Follow @jamienotis on IG ▶ https://www.instagram.com/jamienotis/?hl=en Follow @doughehner on IG ▶ https://www.instagram.com/doughehner/?hl=en Follow @hotmarriagecoolparents on IG ▶ https://www.instagram.com/hotmarriagecoolparents/?hl=en ––– We’re supported by the following companies we love! Make sure to check them out using our links below. Function Of! Go to FunctionofBeauty.com/eastfam for 20% off and to let them know you heard about it from our show. ▶ https://FunctionofBeauty.com/eastfam Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's up, everybody. Welcome back to a couple things with Sean and Andrew. A podcast all about couples and the things they go through. Today we sit down with Jamie Otis and her husband Doug Hainer who you may recognize from Married at First Sight, the TV show. She was on Bachelor, the TV show and they have their own podcast, hot marriage, cool parents. They're all over the place. They got a lot going for them. And they're pretty fun. We have a good conversation. We had a great conversation. We got real, more real and in depth than we ever have. You'll know what I mean when you get there. And then it's awesome. We actually, Jamie and I really connected because she is a labor and delivery nurse before she went into like the whole TV world. And then on top of that,

we talk about the fact that they literally got married at first sight and how that has shaped their marriage and their views of marriage and relationships it's a it's a really fun conversation yeah i learned a lot actually and it changed my perspective i think that their experience is cool in a lot of ways it is i think they have so much wisdom for having gone through an experience that a lot of people haven't but maybe they should funny story i'll let jamie tell the full details but she was not super pumped at first sight, which anyway, but now they have two kids together. And Doug's hilarious. I could talk to Doug all day. Jamie's great. You guys connected really well. And we are going to do a podcast with them on their show. Again, it's called Hot Marriage, Cool Parents. You can check that out. We'll link

this in the description. But before we jump into it, if you haven't, please subscribe to the show, give it a rating. We love hearing your feedback. It was good. I feel like last week, people shared their true feelings about our interview, and I appreciated that. Yeah, meant a lot. Anyway, continue to do that. Let's go ahead and jump in this one with Doug and Jamie. You had a second child since we last talked. Congratulations.

Yeah, thank you. Thank you. Five months old? He was four. Okay. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Gosh. Yeah. Wow. I feel like it goes by so fast, right? Yes. It is almost 20 pounds. Ridiculous. For real, though. Big boy. Yeah, 18.1 pounds. That's amazing. Yeah. I feel like we're just going to, we're just in the conversation right now. Let's just keep it down.

Just started the first. Sorry, guys. I love it. How much. Yeah. Well, I was going to say, I do have to say, I think I've asked Andrew four different times. I was like, wait. we did a podcast with him when what and then he keeps reminding me I was full term and yeah yeah I was in the delusional like I don't know what's happening I yeah I don't even remember that I think you were the last human beings we talked to before probably before we met our little human being maybe yeah I remember thinking this girl's a champ because like he'd be something any day and she's in here chatting with us so thank you for that yeah so good to talk to you guys so good to talk to you guys again and officially meet. I feel like I will remember this one. Yes. So give us inside scoop.

Is a second child way crazier than just one? I don't want to say yes because I don't want to like discourage you, but yes. You know what you can't plan for is the what your first child's going to be like and do because we we experience there's some level of regression everybody says it but we didn't know that it was going to be like like a lot of regression back and being quarantined but just created chaos and it was trying to find balance as a family on where to spend time the kids always on Jamie's boobs so it gave me some time to bond with my daughter and it's yeah it's it's just finding some balance between the two of them because you obviously want to show like you like you know it like Drew's like your whole world right yes

was our whole entire universe and I was so scared that I wouldn't be able to show her the same amount of love and affection I was scared that she would notice it you know like yeah obviously I'm not going to be able to I have a newborn but I was like I just don't want her to feel like any sort of abandonment or neglection and obviously that those are some big words for having a second baby it's not No, you're literally speaking, like, everything that I've been thinking for the past few, like, months, because we've been talking about, like, trying again. Yes, I'm like, I'm going to abandon her if we have a second one. She's going to think I don't love her. That happened, though, because I, after, because we had found out that we were pregnant, what was it, twice?

And we had a chemical pregnancy. Yeah. And then there was kind of a miscarriage. And initially, I felt, I felt bad for my daughter. That was my first reaction. It should have been, like, thrilled. I was just, I felt bad for my daughter. And I said this before.

I was like, I didn't know if I could have, like, I had so much love for my daughter. It's like, how am I going to be able to love another human being the same? You know, it was just like this thing that was going on in my head. It was like, I love this kid so much. How can that, like, I don't, I didn't know if I could divvy up the love and make it seem. Yeah. but you're saying you're doing it you got it yeah well no i i hope he's saying that i love my daughter way more than i love my son no i don't know i actually didn't know that like

the the first child having a regression because like is it a kind of a form of rebellion I don't, I think that it's, I wouldn't want to say the word rebellion, but like I would say like seeking, yeah, like seeking attention and rightfully so because, you know, like they go from you doting on them 24-7 to all of a sudden you're, you definitely are divided, you know, you have no choice to be. She legit went back to like goo-go-gaga, like saying that exactly. Yeah, like she would like say five to ten word sentences all the time. She carries a whole conversation.

And that, and then she started going, eh, eh, and like, up, up, up. And I'm like, like, you just turned three. Like, where are you worth? Oh. It's really sad. Yeah. It makes sense, though, because they're seeing a baby get attention because the baby is acting

like a baby. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Sean, I don't know if you guys felt like this with lady. Was lady around before your daughter? Yes. So Sean, like, loves dogs.

I love dogs, but she treats them like. a baby. And she was like, I don't know how I'm going to love a baby as much as I love the dog. And then I guess it just kind of happens. And then you have the baby and you're like, oh, yeah, well. I cannot. Okay, we have to talk about this first again because it is so true. So obviously, you know, we actually Doug loves our dog lady. And she's just a little tiny like Chihuahua Mutt. She was a rescue dog. And like, you know, you just think your dog is your whole world before you have. your baby and I remember vividly like sitting at the counter holding my dog and like petting her and loving her and someone saying oh you wait till you have a baby like that you don't be holding

your baby like like your dog as a baby and I was like never never yes like the dog barks I'm like shh shh you feel I'm going to throw you out the window like and then I remember before having our daughter when people would say that I would be appalled. I'd be like, they don't get it. They're not dog people. They don't like animals like I do.

And anymore, I'm like, oh, no, just whatever. I think it was, how old was Drew? Two weeks? Three weeks? Two or three weeks old. It was like the first day where we got her in her crib or like in her bassinet asleep. Like we had like some sanity to us.

And let Nash out our dog to go to the bathroom right before we were going to like try to take a nap slash go to bed he comes back no joke five minutes later skunked oh man and I was like I didn't remember what you're talking about and then I just remembered it and that was so brutal it was the first time like in my dog mom you know reality that I was like he's good fend for himself I will see him if he is here in the morning you can say it'll be good yeah such a strong smell yeah oh it was so bad but yeah wait so i remember with drew i feel like four months was the turning point where we understood kind of what the new routine was we understood what new sacrifices we were we would have to make as parents and we kind of

like settled into the routine a little bit do you feel that now that you're at that point with your second like a similar thing yeah very honest this is the point where with my daughter with our first child the one and only yes we had like a routine it was kind of starting to calm down a little bit like i i was like oh i think that's a poopy cry and like i could tell him i mean i can tell the cry still but we're just so it's so hard with two like i'm like i should have a routine like with henley i would like have this whole routine where i would like nurseer and rocker and singer you know her to sleep. And with him, I'm like, we don't have a routine yet. Like, does he have a routine? Like, it's just, I feel like it's all chaos with, with two. It is so much more difficult.

He's such an easy. But he is. We're like, I think I thought our daughter, I like obviously loved her. I thought she was like an easy baby. I mean, all my, everyone was like, she's not an easy baby. But I was like, oh, she's so sweet and easy. And now with my son, I'm like, wow, like she was a horrendous baby. so funny all the time and so chill and cool like we don't have like much of a routine i mean i'm trying my best we just i mean we decided that um it was a tough decision to put my daughter in back in school during like covid you know yeah yeah so we we came down to florida in the beginning of the year to look for a place because we wanted to get a place down here and and just to do an Airbnb

be. So we found a place in Florida at the time and I guess maybe even still now. COVID was like this is like the worst state in the world for COVID as apparently. And we had bought a house so we had no choice but to come down here in the midst of it. But like with me working and her trying to work and having my daughter was just I saw the regression and we weren't able to commit to homeschooling her. Like we just both were too busy and it's like it was such an easy default. to the tablet, watch your cartoons, whatever, and I'll play with you in between. And we were just like, we have to get her back in school

because she really took a couple steps back. And it's honestly freed up so much time. And now we're starting to get structure back. Yeah, yeah. You know, where it's, you know, she gets home from school at like three and then it's time to play and hang out. Have dinner, take a back, go to bed. Do all this.

We're trying to get the routine. We'll let you know how it goes in about a month. Well, we're excited for you. So the first point I've been doing with the whole quarantine though and is Drew staying home? Yeah, so she's, she's home with us and we've been home the whole quarantine. We've been really lucky that like our child care is my mom. So she's been coming over to the house ever since quarantine.

And we just kind of separate levels for like work. And then home is all. on the first floor so we've been we've been lucky we can't complain but yeah yeah that's awesome that's really oh it's fun though the parenting thing turns out it's really great it's really fun pretty cool yeah all the time yeah just when you think you got it down i got my daughter i got my daughter hitting off a baseball tea so i'm happy that's fine wow that's awesome that's I saw the playground that you found near the near your spot. It looks epic. You got the whole there's a couple down here. It's just hot as balls all the time. Yeah. But it's um there's a lot of

people that are out. We still haven't made any friends yet. Yeah, we haven't made it. We're lonely over here in Sarasota. If everybody found Sarasota let us know. For listeners out there who also meet friends, talk to Doug and Jane. Um, so listen, the first question, we usually ask when we interview couples is how do you how did you two meet and you guys have a pretty spectacular story i would love to hear it from your perspective sure yeah so um well we were married at first sight on um that show called married at first sight in lifetime knowing each other before you get married is so 2016 yeah no but we um yeah so we met at the We were complete strangers before we said I do.

I didn't even know his name. Although actually the day, like the day of I was, you know, getting in my wedding gown and all the things. And the producer accidentally said, Doug. Like, and that's my husband's name, Doug. And so I was like, Doug, what does that mean? Like, what could that possibly look like? And I decided Doug probably wasn't a good name.

Like, I don't know. I was just so anxious and scared, you know, to marry a complete stranger. I don't know. It doesn't sound weird at all. To be honest, I'm kind of with her, though, Doug. I don't know about the name. I don't know what it doesn't look like either.

And then I think I was so overwhelmed that day, obviously. It was beautiful. She saw me at the end of the aisle and started to cry. Honestly, I feel like I had really high expectations, which was quite silly considering I was marrying a complete stranger. But I just remember that, so there's experts who, so for those of your listeners who don't know what Meredith first sight is. It is a TV show. We are on season one. Which is the best season. Yeah. We think season one's the best. We're just a little biased. But no, so you, it sounds

completely radical. And it is. Like, don't get me wrong. But there's science behind it. And that was kind of like what kind of hooked me into it because I was having trouble dating. I was really, really awkward. Still, I am super awkward. It was slated as a love experiment in the beginning. And it wasn't until the last final casting call where they said, okay, here's the experts and they're going to do this intense background on you. You're going to be able to give us all your deal breakers. You're going to be able to say, this is what I imagine my partner as and these are my values and this is what I want to marry. And based on that, they would match you up with someone that is perfectly compatible based on their algorithm. So for some people,

it was like they just got up and left, like walked out of the room as soon as they said that. They're like, this isn't dating. This is marriage. And you're asking me to marry a screen. For me, for me, it was, it was too weird of a thing to pass up. You know, it's like, there's got to be a reason why I'm here. And I stayed because I was starving and they had a great cheese platter and fruit that was there. And then I met the expert. Are you talking about at your wedding? They had a nice cheese platter.

At the final kit, we call with all, there was all. I got to, you know, they were introducing everybody. But, you know, the way that I looked at it was, there, if I'm able, if you're going to follow my deal breakers and if you're going to follow everything that I say and you're going to get to know me personality-wise, sexually, like just values, religion, like everything. And then you're going to match me with someone that's perfect to that. Like, why not? Like, that just seemed like a great, like, just a best experiment ever, you know, and you weren't guaranteed a match, obviously. But, you know, the person that they're

going to find is going to be the person that you imagine in your head, you know, it was like a no brainer for me. Yeah. So you're able to say your deal breakers. And also like the experts, they aren't just like Joe Schmo, you know, off the street. They really were like to me, they seemed like they had great credentials. They were risking their own professionalism on the line, you know, they all had their own practices and whatnot. And so I felt really, and after you met them, I mean, I felt really confident that they weren't just trying to make some dramatic TV show because I don't know if you know, but, you know, I was on The Bachelor. And so that, for me, didn't really work out.

Wasn't a great experience per se. And I was like, I'm done with dating on TV. I don't look cool. Like, no one's ever going to want me. So let's get married on TV. No, but like so when this came around and they, it just seemed so much more authentic, you know, than the Bachelor. It seemed like they were genuinely trying to see if they could help like change that statistic of the 50-50, like in America, 50% end up in divorce. And they were wondering if science could, you know, kind of like having this algorithm.

and matching people based on actual compatibilities, not just that spark, you know, at the first site or whatever, if that could actually have an impact in relationships. Turns out, I don't think that we're even 50-50 for the show married at first site. We're going on season 12 now. Which is crazy. So yeah, and I don't think that even 50% have stayed married,

but we stayed married. It worked for us, so that's cool. Yeah, so to go back though on our wedding day, I feel like we've jumped all over the place. but that was the whole casting process what kind of got us into it each of us and um and i took it obviously like i was i took it very seriously like i really believed that maybe this could be how i meet my husband and i just thought that it wasn't like i didn't it wasn't like the bachelor it just seemed so real and so i was like this is how i'm going to meet my husband and the like the

professionals they all like the experts they were all like oh this guy who was a stranger at the time He's so great. You're gonna love him. And so then, you know, sitting there in my wedding dress, I'm like, this guy, it's gonna be Brad Pitt. Like, he's gonna be so great. I'm gonna love him. And then I look down and I'm like,

that's the Doug and this is, I have no chemistry. I don't feel any like happiness or no sparks. I'm in my wedding down and like my mom's there and my nieces and nephews like, we're like the ring bearer and the flower girls and this is my real wedding and I don't know this guy. And I freaked. And I, so literally in the clip,

Doug, not to be brutal to you, but you say something, Jamie, like, you're like, you didn't feel anything or you said something along those lines. I mean, like, I didn't want to pretend to be, this is a thing, is that like, I didn't want to pretend to be some happy bride because we were like making a TV show. I didn't want to pretend to be in love because now I'm married to him. I wanted to be honest about, I didn't really think it was going to work out. And I didn't want, I don't know, I just had, I felt like I had to be honest. And I wasn't even.

Immediately, I didn't think it was going to work out because I just didn't have that feeling, you know, like, you don't know what you're in your wedding day and you envision some sort of spark or chemistry. And I think I did. I mean, clearly looking back, I had like high expectations. I should have just hoped for like a nice guy smiling at me. Not like Brad Pitt. So, uh, you know, I was smiling here to year. Yeah. Oh, he was, he had the biggest grin. He was sweating profusely. Because you, you know what, you know what it is. I'm with you there, Doug. Yeah. When. When you go, you know, and I appreciated her honesty in a way, even, I never saw it as, like, she just didn't find me attractive or she just wasn't into me. I didn't see it like that. I was like, all right, well, this person's like a real person. Like she's not going to try to just fake it. We both said, you know, be the same person out and off camera from there. But yeah, it was just, I had, I had something to say and I just lost it. Well, go ahead, Sean. I was to say, so I'm curious. I have a million questions about this. Now I need to go back and watch this whole season because I'm fascinated now knowing you guys.

You guys get married for the show. Yeah. What happens? Because you guys are complete strangers. Right. So, like, how do you even begin to get to know your husband right who so yeah so it was um and i and i'll i'll get that so just real quick it the hardest part to get over was was whether this was going to be a for real sort of experiment or not yeah um and so

when you when i gave my deal breakers i was like you know i like to stay in shape um i would hope my wife would also like to stay in shape um shallow i'm not i'm not into i'm not into redheads Nothing against redheads, but just like I'm not into that. The other red-headed baby right now. There were other things that may make me seem racist, but like these are my deal-breakers for, you know, for someone. Yeah. So the ring bear and the flower girl come out,

they are just straight, like beyond gingers. Like little kids. Her sisters come out and they're not, I mean, they're a little heavier set. They're beautiful. They're beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. But they are just heavier set. And so my, I see, I see my dad and my brother going like, this, we knew it. We knew it. We knew it. And then she walks in, which was amazing. But so we had the awkwardness of meeting, saying hello, finding out who are, what are. Literally said, hi, I'm Doug as. Yeah. That's exactly what it was. Yeah. And that's, that's actually how my daughter got her name Henley. And I'll, we'll talk about that in just a second. But the experiment is going to document you for six weeks. So it's going to.

you're going to sign the marriage certificate you're going to go on a honeymoon so it was like four days on a honeymoon you're going to come back you're going to move in with each other and then they're going to document everything you don't have to take off work they're going to work around your work schedule they wanted to be a real life marriage documentary type and we knew when they were filming they we had you know like a whole schedule that was there which was filming pretty much almost every day for the six weeks and we would get to know each other as we go through and they didn't have we were the first season they didn't have a template to work off of they didn't know what was going to catch on publicly and what was going to be popular or whatever so they filmed everything

they let us be ourselves like we didn't have to say or do anything it was just like yeah no we're just going to put a camera here and just watch watch you guys as you go through and yeah um you know turned out that it worked out pretty well for i think the show um you know being as as long as we've been on yeah but no i feel like Sean like i guess like what caused at least for me to like become attracted to him was really so at our wedding my dancing definitely not as well no like he like truly won everyone over at our reception so of course all my friends were like are you crazy like are you really married yeah is this really legally binding and i was like yes like but trust me i don't feel i feel like if you met the expert

and if you understood this process, you wouldn't think I'm crazy. And they're like, you can't tell me anything that's going to think that you're not crazy. But I really like had this gut feeling for some reason. So anyways, we're at the reception. And at this point, I had had like a panic attack. And I was like, everyone was right. I'm wrong. This was a bad idea.

I take it back. I don't want to be married to him. At the reception. So you already married. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we said I do.

Like I went literally going down the aisle. I was like, I felt like I couldn't back out now. kind of thing. Yeah. Sitting there staring at me. And so I'm like, I do. And I literally give a thumbs up like that. Like this is.

And so then like, you know, we have to take these pictures for, you know, for the show, I'm assuming because I'm like, well, you're making me look like. Writing photos. That's why I said I didn't have like, like, I love how reality TV can clip things because I was like, I'm not attracted and please don't make me like pretend that we're in love because they're like, kiss him. And I'm like, I don't even know this dude. Like I'm not making it.

with him but but did you though no oh my god i'm telling you i was very real on this four days later she touched my penis that is true oh my god fast forward oh gosh but to get there like i feel like you were very charming and clearly funny and just a sweet heart like during our reception i was like And we're like, we're like leaving the reception. I'm talking to my girlfriends. And they're like, I was like, oh, I don't know what to do. I think I might put a pillow in between us because I'm just so uncomfortable. And they're like, Jamie, give him a chance.

He's so sweet. And I was like, you just told me this was a bad idea. Like, you're the one that told me not to even do this. And now you're like, give him a chance. He's so great. Oh, look at him. He seems so wonderful. And I'm like, what?

like what? So I think that kind of helped bring my walls down that my friends and family were able to see something that clearly I wasn't able to through all the tears. And so it's interesting. I don't know if you guys have ever watched a black mirror episode or maybe even the social dilemma where they kind of like humanize the algorithms that computers have. I feel like you guys kind of were that for like these dating apps, which I used to be super skeptical of dating apps, but then like you actually look at, wait, they are able to gather a lot of information. Yeah. People's deal breakers, people's like preferences, whatever that is. And the expert, Dr. Pepper, um, which sounds like a minute. I was about, she's, uh, what was she

a psychologist? She's a sociologist. She was part of the, um, creating the algorithm for some of the dating sites. So that was her background. So that was match. Yeah. Dr. Pett. Yeah. Nice. Well, and sorry, I interrupted you. Well, I was just thinking, like, it is cool, though. Part of marriage, you do go in blind. Like, I don't know who Sean's going to be. I don't know. Like, I don't know if, even if we dated for two years, like, maybe there's some deep, dark secret or weird habit that I didn't know about.

And the fact that, like, what you said, I looked up the stats from your, I think there's three couples and one got divorced after four years and one ended up not staying married after the eight weeks or whatever. Yeah, for Mars. And then you guys, yeah, yeah. So then you mentioned, like, you had, like, you truly believe that it could work. And I feel like that's kind of just marriage. Like, you just got to have that optimism almost. Yeah. And then it works out.

Yeah. And I feel like you have to work at it, whether you, regardless, you could be smitten with somebody, get married. And or even before you end up getting married if you're, like, traditional and date first and are engaged and you're just traditional and date first traditional I was going to say that's probably

there's something like he was saying there's something to that of you guys both were optimistic that the compatibility algorithm was going to match you so has there been points within your marriage since then which has been seven years?

Yeah six and a half which amazing congratulations have there been points where you know every marriage goes through like peaks and valleys of like oh i just don't like you today but i love you tomorrow whatever have you gone through times where you're in a valley of like oh i don't like you but we're compatible like did that give you any confidence within your relationship to say oh we should make this work because it can work that's it i think that was day one for me like i i i it really was day one and then you know

as I got to slowly get to know him and like we just talked and talked I mean obviously there I didn't even kiss him for I don't know I guess a couple days we didn't we didn't even came because I was on day four Jamie it was actually the end of our honeymoon so that would be like day seven but within I would say solid within a two months two weeks I definitely like I was I really really liked him like and I think that it was what the kicker for me was that we well there's a different things that are kind of bizarre. But the first thing is that the morning after we got married, we go out to get coffee and we got married in Manhattan. And so it was March. So it's

really cold. And my nose tends to drip in cold weather. I don't know if I haven't said anybody else. But like it just like drip. Like I don't get it. Don't ask me why. It's a little embarrassing. It's fine. It's not a big deal. But it was dripping. And he was sitting right next to me. We're in the taxi cab. At this point, like we just got the coffee. We're hopping in the cab to go down to actually sign our marriage license and um i'm sitting in the middle our producer is sitting next to me and then oh my gosh the right of me and he's like oh you got a little you know a little and he's like pointing at my nose like and to me that i don't know it meant a lot to me he like didn't let me run around with like a drippy nose you know with like snot hanging out of my nose he was like yeah

and i don't know to me i was like okay that's cool that he's like not weirded out by it or gross i don't know like it just it just seemed nice to me that he was able to tell me i had i needed a nose. And then at the courthouse, you know, I didn't, I, I didn't know my father for a really long time. I have, it's blank on my birth certificate. And so that's always been like a very sensitive subject to me for probably obvious reasons. You know, like my mom, I had four paternity tests and they were all negative when I was a kid. And so it's just always been a like a sore subject. Nothing I'm probably, you know, I was ever proud of. And of course, like at this point, like I'm slowly, like I've been talking to him. I'm slowly starting to like.

him and we're at the courthouse and they like pull me back to like verify that i indeed do not know who my father is because to them it looks sketchy a f that the dad's line is just blank which i guess i get you know um but i can't imagine i'm the only one who doesn't know my father but uh any case so they they said you know are you sure this is you and da da da and i get it they probably go through yeah identities or whatever but i didn't get it at the time and i was mortified and so of course Doug is just sitting out there waiting for me while i'm like proving that i am who I am and just like didn't really even ask questions I come out and obviously to me this was like a really big thing I was really embarrassed and like kind of shy and ashamed about it and just I

and obviously he doesn't know anything about me so I have to kind of fill him in that this is like kind of who he married and like the kind of baggage I guess that he married into because um you know like I had also like gained custody of my siblings it kind of like spiraled down a path of sharing all these things and so so anyways we go back out and he was just so I mean I didn't even have to explain myself. Like I felt like I had to, but I did. He just like accepted me and didn't. I don't know. I just felt so comfortable. We go out. He like buys me some flowers from the guy on the corner. We hop in the cap and go back up and I'm like, who is this guy? Like he's so cool. Like he just so nice and friendly and I don't know,

accepts me and my warts and and I don't know. Yeah. So to answer that question again. She doesn't have warts anymore. Yeah. I was just about to say I didn't know you had warts. But Doug said it better. Doug said the joke better than I did. I'm going to stop. I'm done. I bet, dude. Andrew's digging himself a grave.

I think, I mean, a lesson that could, everybody could take away from you guys, which I think is a really, really beautiful thing is from day one, you kind of just accepted that you're going to give it a shot with someone. Whether, I mean, you knew nothing about them. And I figure, yes. I feel like the biggest mistake people make on a daily basis. We even have really close friends who do this all the time who are so desperate to find someone,

but yet they're so easily able to say, oh, no, like she's too old or he's not this or she's not that. And it's like, but if only you got to know them, it could work. Yeah. And then you go through 10 years of that, you end up never marrying anybody. It's like, okay. Yeah. It's true.

I couldn't agree more. I feel like, I don't know, at least my own lesson was like, I clearly would judge books by their covers and I wouldn't like get into the deep, nitty-gritty part of it. And how many books are amazing if you don't judge their books, you know, judge them by their cover. And yeah, so I totally agree. That's like the biggest lesson that I learned from my own marriage.

You've been on national television a couple of times. and been pretty public with your, I guess, personal life, I guess. And it hasn't stopped since, though. You've continued to share really sensitive things on your podcast. Has there ever been a point where you're like, I don't know if I like sharing all this personal stuff or are you just committed to it because you see some positive? You know what it is. We, the people that have been with us and kind of the, the friends that we have been with us, they've been with us since we've been together. So like this whole community, it's, it was almost like they knew us when we first knew each other, you know, and they watched us every step of the way. And they've supported us. And I mean, it is, it is truly a community. community that supports one another wholeheartedly.

Yeah. You know, I mean, not everybody on social media is always nice. But it was, it was, you start to, and Jamie is way better at sharing and I am, like way better, putting it out there. And you start to realize the people that you're connecting with are having the same struggle, same issues, same, you know, it's like when you humanize everything and you tell, you kind of show people that, like, you know, you know, you kind of show people that, like, you know, you know, you know, know this this is okay this is what you can overcome this is what you can achieve or you hear their stories i mean the first time that i had no choice but to be public about something uh was when we lost our our son jonathan and we i had just announced on today's show and then like a week later we lost him and i i mean what do you do at that point you know if you have no choice but

to say you know that you that i lost him and and so the amount of women who flooded my inbox with their own stories and their messages support and love. I mean, it was at a time that I like my husband, everybody copes differently. Like he literally goes back to work and I can't get off the couch. You know, like I like can't get in the shower and he's, you know, everyone copes with and like with that type of thing differently. And so for me, I felt very isolated and alone during that time. I didn't know anybody who'd ever had a pregnancy loss.

And so I had, I literally sat on the couch like just bawling and just feeling so. just feeling so alone and desperate for some sort of connection. And then randomly, these, like, these people will just flood me, like my email inboxing. They got my email. And I'm like, wow, like, it just, and then others saying that, like, they heard my story and it made them feel less alone. And I'm like, wow, like, that was the first time that I realized that I know that social media can be definitely, you know, a little intrusive and people can have their opinions,

but it can be such a blessing in a way to, like, I guess, like the first intent of it was to be able to connect people so that they don't feel alone and it's a wonderful way to destigmatize situations that are considered like taboo and I mean I know that you guys obviously know about that as well. I'm sure I'm I don't know if like you have the same experience or not but for me it felt like being able to to talk to somebody who went through the same thing that I went through and to understand that I'm not the only one feeling like this and to even hear that like it's not your fault you know those types of things it just really meant a lot to me. And so then from there, I've, I've been, I've almost like made a vow not to hide and

shame. I mean, even the whole thing with like not knowing my dad, there was no reason for me to ever be so ashamed of that. Like, that's not my fault. And because I hid for so long with that, like, like from my friends in school, I mean, I wouldn't invite anybody over. So my mom, you know, she has dependency issues. She's, she is a recovering drug addict. And we lived in like, you know, some beat up homes to say the least and I wouldn't invite anybody over. I wouldn't let anybody know and I would just like paint the smile on my face and like just pretend that life was good because I was so embarrassed and I realized and also even on The Bachelor like I never told a soul of those one girl I told like what the situation would be like if I ever made it to hometown

dates. I don't know if you guys you know I was like I can't really bring him home because I live in a trailer in a trailer park and I have custody of my sisters like that's not I don't think he's going to be like, let me marry that one. And I also went on The Bachelor, like super excited, like kind of hoping that it could be like real love. I was so, so naive. We didn't really have cable and whatnot. I never really watched The Bachelor before going on it. If I had known that it could have been super fun, if I just let it all go, you know, like that's the thing is you don't have to hide with what you consider are your flaws or what you think is so shameful. Like, let it out because there's someone else who thinks that it's shameful as well.

And it turns out it's really not that shameful, whether it's you don't know your dad or, you know, you have a pregnancy loss. It's not your fault or, you know, anything of the nature. I mean, I have HPV. That's like the newest thing that I feel like everyone's like, you know, but I'm like so does 80% of the population. Don't hide that.

Like let's talk about that and like figure out how A, we can support each other and be how we can like get rid of that is, you know? yeah preach jamie i i mean everything you said hits home with us we when we had our first miscarriage we did the same exact thing i always say that it was the first time in our lives and kind of careers that social media didn't seem like a one-way platform i thought social media was just to share and just you know you're sharing to the world and not talking to people and then when we lost our first baby i was the same way i didn't know how to cope i i didn't know how to cope I just felt like I couldn't get off the couch and ended up going to YouTube and posting a video.

And Andrew was very hesitant about it because he's like, this is very vulnerable. I don't know if we want to do this. And I said, no, I just, I really need, I need to post it for some reason. And I would sit there for hours and hours, just bawling, reading people's messages as women would be like, thank you for sharing this because I can't get off my couch right now because, you know, it's the same thing. So it is. It's a really eye-opening experience to social media. I feel like you guys, as well as us, we get asked all the time, well, why do you share so much?

And it's like, well, because what we go through on a daily basis as parents, as spouses, someone else needs to hear. And we need to be able to read their stories as well to stay human. Well, plus if you have a platform to make a difference, you know, leverage it, eat it. Use it to help. And, you know, we, I, I don't know what would have been, what it would have been if we were just on season one and then that was it. Like we had two spinoff seasons after that. So people carried with us for like our whole almost first year together.

And we put pretty much everything out there. You know, even now the show that we're on now on Lifetime with couples cam, I mean, it's us with a video camera, videoing our family life and our sister pooping our sister our daughter pooping on the floor which i'm like please don't air that like rubbing a milkshake all over her and but you know us going to beach i mean it's you know it's we've put a lot out there and i think people appreciate it yeah but honestly like i appreciate them so much for like you said sean like when you can just sit there and you feel you have no one to talk to when you're going through something and then

they reach out to you and like share like for you YouTube comments for me it was like Instagram they would DM me my email or even just comment on my picture or you know it was like oh my gosh I'm not I'm not alone in this and so it's you know there's definitely it's nice it doesn't have to be just this murky place that's I feel like it's portrayed as a negative spot often and it definitely can be but it can also be really really like a blessing to our lives to yours to mine and to those who follow us it's funny I feel like real quick i feel like with social media anymore um it's almost like my new google i swear once a day i'm like i'm like wait okay i don't know i don't know how to feed drew out of a new bottle and i'll be

like on instagram and be like guys what do i do with this bottle and then in two seconds someone responds like oh you do this i'm like best thing about is that you have multiple different people because i do the same exact thing i'm like uh-huh that's your opinion because i don't really know Yes. You have multiple different opinions. And so then you can kind of like weigh it out like what works with you. Like you don't necessarily, you know, like you're like, okay, well, this person says this and this. Oh, and then you can like make it your own, like take what you can from each person.

And then you're like, oh, well, he's a doctor. She's a nurse or whatever. And it's like, okay, yeah, this is great. It's literally Google for me as a parent. Because she's a real life mom. She probably knows better than anybody. Or this person has a cat as they're picturing three followers. Exactly.

Yeah. Yeah. Or this person's name is Karen, so we probably shouldn't listen to her. We'll let her be Karen and, yeah. Yes. Jamie, I'm curious, so you are a nurse, you were a foster mom. I'm curious, what made you want to be a foster mom? Why did you see that as an important thing to do?

And what lessons did you learn? Yeah, okay. So, you know, like I said, I ended up gaining custody. So my mom, so what happened was my mom had a real tough time paying the bill and because she was a drug addict. And at the time, I was, and this was all throughout high school, really. It wasn't really bad when I was, when I was really young,

but I have three younger siblings. And so, like, to make a long story short, eventually she ends up getting evicted to the point where they, I mean, she was evicted 10 times and she just wasn't leaving. And so they like literally were like locked up the doors and were like, you are not come back to this house. And so I ended up like renting this small little trailer

from my grandparents actually. and like just prior to my mom getting that eviction notice like for the last time I suppose and she came over my mom had come over and said hey you know I have no place for the kids to go like they can't get off the bus you know at this our this trailer that we lived in so can they get off the bus at your house and and like that's kind of how I ended up you know taking care of my siblings was they just got off the bus and my mom went you know she disappeared a lot like she would just go places and do things you can never get a hold of her and that was the first time I I realized, like, I don't know, just like, I feel like I'm going to get emotional, it's definitely hormones from nurses. I was just, I felt like I was a bit selfish for first of all, for even just leaving my siblings in that trailer because there were like holes in the floors and the ceiling was leaking. There was no heat, no electricity. I mean, it was a disaster zone. And I, I remember thinking to myself that I wanted out. Like, I wanted better for myself. And so that's when I asked my grandparents if I could rent their trailer from them. And, um, and I left my siblings

there without like real, like it just, I just feel selfish for that. But anyways, so my mom, so long story short, my mom ends up having them get off the bus at my house. I ended up having them. And I read this book called They Caged the Animals at night. And it's a book about this little orphan boy. And so if you, if you ever, you know, want to read a book that'll make you cry. You could read that and I just remember thinking if I if I hadn't it first of all like been old enough to take care of myself and my siblings like we could have been in a foster care system and what would have happened to us and so I I don't know I just felt like it's just really like tug on my heart that I become a foster parent to help more kids who I mean we were I just remember like

everybody thinks that like foster kids are so bad and like you know they're just going to cause ruckus and they don't have parents so they run wild and it's like not every kid who doesn't have parents is going to turn out to be, or every kid who has parents who are drug addicts, I should say, or are like, you know, parents who aren't as interested in them or maybe you grow up in a trailer park, that doesn't mean that you are going to turn out to be a drug addict as well or that you're going to live off welfare the rest of your life just because you, you know, you grew up like that. And I wanted to be able to, to like help kids who, like, who, who are like growing up the same way that I did, you know? And I just, I guess I just knew

that it doesn't have to be that way. And so that's kind of how that happened. It's pretty amazing, Jamie. I feel like when I look back at my ancestors, my grandpa was the pivot person from being born to an alcoholic in the slums, like easily could have let life circumstances take him down a similar path. But he changed, like you didn't learn good parenting. It doesn't sound like necessarily from your upbringing.

But now your babies, your guys' babies will, which is really cool. You're literally the pivot for your family and your. And not to make that sound harsh on your mom. You know, just because now I'm sensitive towards my mom because now I'm a mom and I'm like, geez, I mean, not for nothing. She did raise me. Like I didn't have anybody. I am who I am.

So, and I've had to come. I had to come to peace with that. There was a very long time. I was bitter towards my mom for like. many things but um but i'm realizing now that my mom that we all we all have a story and my mom had a really rough go at life like she had a tough time she had very poor coping mechanisms and um it doesn't make it okay like my siblings are still a little more a little more bitter sometimes than i am and they're like yeah but we didn't really we were in worse situations that she was and we made it

out but i feel you can't look at life like that because if you do you're just going to be a negative negative like nellie your whole entire life like my mom had a rough go she had very poor coping mechanism she didn't have any support system i was fortunate that she dropped these kids off in my lap and i literally went to i remember i was in college and i was like what what i was at a community college though so i was like i don't have four years to try to get some degree and that i have to then pay back and try to take care of my siblings on top of it i'm like what degree can i get from this community college in two years that's going to pay me more than minimum wage and they said nursing and that's kind of how I became a nurse and and that's how I learned that my mom has like genuine mental mental illness

and you can't judge her for it. And so I feel blessed in a way that my mom did the things that she did like like full full circle because what led me to like where I am today. And so yeah, I mean. And her brothers and sisters, I mean, they, you know, from a situation like that, they, they're all very normal. Well, none of us are normal. But I mean, I mean, like, in the sense that they've, they didn't fall to any of the bad habits. Yeah, families, we have such a great extended family. And anytime that we go up there, there's nieces and nephews. And it's just, it's amazing what they all came, how they all came out,

considering what they all started with. Well, all credit to you. That's a pretty amazing story. I appreciate you guys so much because you're, You're very good at communicating, like, just period, I guess. You're just really good at expressing your thoughts. So hats off. I'm envious in some ways, I think.

Well, Ann, I think everything you guys have gone through, you're literally a modern day relationship in every way, shape, and form. Because you got married on TV at first sight, which is very modern. But you guys have gone through so much. And a lot of the different topics we've talked about on our podcast. is marrying in or dating into baggage and relationships and everything that comes with it and not not giving up about or not giving up on a relationship and making sure you work for it and just like everything you guys are truly like the epitome of that which is really really cool

so tell us about your mission though you i mean you intentionally named your podcast your show hot marriage cool parents what are you trying to achieve there like why why that concept well the whole idea is kind of like it's a mockery it's a joke like we don't necessarily always have a hot marriage and we definitely aren't always cool parents but you know we're all just we're just figuring this out our like as we go along kind of thing um it's almost like uh therapy oh my gosh i feel like your podcast is like therapy like you know it's almost like yeah we we bring up interesting topics and speak with people that are directly directly have an effect on either how we're feeling or what we're doing and it's a way for us to just air

out and leave it out there without having to sit here just looking at each other and having the same conversation it's you know let's let's bring people into and be that you know be a fly on the wall with everything and it's you know we we didn't have and I mean we learned very quickly how much work goes into a marriage same thing with parenting and you know we had our struggles going through and having to go to therapy which lasted a couple weeks but I mean even having, well, I mean, but having, even while she was pregnant with Henry, like, we were in the worst place possible. Yeah.

Where if we didn't have, if we weren't pregnant, I don't know if we would have made it to hear. Yeah, it's very true. You know, and it was just, there's a lot of experience in that, and there's a lot of stories to tell in that. And it helps us. Yeah. It helps us with communicating. Yeah, I feel like we love the podcast because it does. It's like a therapy session.

It helps keep us connected, but also it keeps us kind of held accountable because everyone who's listening, you know, they have, you know, input. Like, for example, the other day I said a normal vaginal birth. And someone said, I wish you didn't call it a normal vaginal birth because the C-section is then not considered normal. And I was like, okay, right, you're right. So I'm sorry. But so, yeah, we love the podcast.

We love our listeners. And yeah, it keeps us, they hold us accountable. Yeah. My favorite part is being able to connect with people. Like, you just hear amazing stories and you hear how other people make their marriage work or like whatever, you know, however they got to where they are. And it's like, oh, wow, well, if you guys can go through what you've been through, I'm pretty sure we could probably make it through whatever the heck we're going through. Yeah. Speaking of hot marriage, though, air quotations, headline from, I think, Friday. I don't know how you feel about this.

It says, Jamie Otis reveals she and her husband, Doug. Oh, boy. I haven't had sex since birth of son. That's... Okay, so I thought the age... Baby number two. I don't want to die on us. But, but yes, it's true.

Well, it wasn't charging, Doug. And I don't want... I love this. I love this right now. What's happening? Aye, aye, aye. Was it charging, Doug? I don't think it's charging us still.

I will answer. you guys were trying to uh show percentage oh it's 1% Doug we really do I don't know what's going wow this is so exciting it's happening live this is like this happening live we can wrap this up if you guys that was kind of my last question but that's your last question that was it right we planned it we planned it because of this headline oh wait hold on hold on is that why that is it oh I heard it I heard that yeah we can go back to the bed more stay here whatever all right um okay so it's true we haven't had sex and well we have now had didn't yes honestly oh my gosh who's counting right I the lonely nights in the bathroom I I don't know this is like this is where it's TMI

and I sometimes this is where it's a little uncomfortable when you like you guys can just read our headline i guess yeah yeah like oh yeah so we haven't had sex and i just met you um she has HPV i don't want to go oh my gosh i'm i don't know about for you sean but for me well first of all with the first baby like i was definitely kind of it was rough having sex after having our first yeah it was not comfortable i didn't it was not the same down there um it hurt to be honest like it yeah wasn't comfortable and so and then i had a home birth for our son and yes he was bigger and he was nine pounds four ounces and just like really not sorry my i'm just talking to sean now but um it just really like destroyed some things

and so i was i just i was hurting like really really hurt was part of and um and so i just got i got i got really scared to do. And then I did, I have this positive HPV diagnosis, which requires you to go get a culposcopy. And so they go in there and, you know, I'm not sure if you're familiar with it or not. But Andrew is. Yeah, Andrews. Never read that word of my life. Um, they just like, they just test yourselves to make sure that it's not cancerous or even pre-risk. And so mine turned out to be high risk, um, dysplasia, which is indeed pre-cancerous. And so you have to then go back and get something called a leap procedure. And meanwhile, when these things, happens, the doctor recommends that you don't insert anything into your vagina for six weeks

because you need to heal afterwards. So first I had a baby and I had to wait six, or did I say six weeks I meant two weeks? So first I had a baby and I had to wait six weeks. Then I had the copacopee. That adds two weeks. And then I had the lead procedure. That adds two weeks. And on top of that, I'm not feeling like having sex. Like I'm not like in the mood in any way, shape, or form. And rewind to while she was pregnant, after after the loss that we had, My son Jonathan. And even like the other two loss. It is scary to have, because the one time that we did have sex,

while Hendrix was in there, she bled. And it was like, which is somewhat normal. It is normal to bleed. That is scary. That's very scary. But it was like a trigger for us because that was what happened with Jonathan and with our second loss, the third loss we had. It was bleeding, like very light bleeding at first.

and then it intensified. And so I was like, I don't know. I just didn't want that kind of anxiety. And so we just, and also, I sound like my libido was like through the roof. No. So I was like, okay. No. Well, you have two kids.

You're breastfeeding. You're healing and probably bleeding. I mean, there's just a lot going on and you're just kind of wanting to sleep. Yeah. Just let me sleep. Yes. Thank you. You get it.

Yeah. I didn't know what I was getting into when I read the headline out loud. I didn't know he was going to. But you guys are awesome. I feel like we need to have you back on because we could talk about a lot of different things. Final three questions. We ask every single person.

Okay, sure. Who goes first, though? You have to choose before we ask. Wait, what? Who wants to answer the questions first? Okay. So what is your biggest pet peeve with Doug? He hums a lot.

He goes, mm-hmm, like he doesn't even know he's doing it. And he'll, like, clunk around a lot. Okay, Doug, what's your biggest pet peeve with Jamie? Good job, Jamie. Are you holding the computer this whole time? Yeah. She's the arms are shaking. Oh, no.

She's holding it, not before, but, yeah. Jamie leaves the door open when she goes to the bathroom. Not when I go poo, though. Only you know, no one. That and she always wants a bite. of my food that's true too yeah not a big chair yeah okay so jamie what do you love the most about Doug his i mean this could be a long question i would say his patience i would say his love and understanding and respect for for me and for our family i mean this could go on for a while but

mostly like those are great the way that he loves like unconditionally and like doesn't i don't know he's just very loving and forgiving and patient and funny and a great guy and die what do you love the most about jamie more um i i'm inspired by jamie just with everything she's gone through and who she is today the way that she loves family is really really heartwarming to me um but she also i don't know if it's selfish to say this but she makes me want to be the best person that i can be because of how she is. Wow. I feel like unconditional loves means something different when you guys say.

It's kind of cool. Just your story. It's like, wow, that's really cool. It's powerful to say. Last thing I'm curious, if you had to put a timestamp on when each of you thought, like, okay, we're married, but at this point, I really felt like I knew who they were. Like, what would that time length be? I don't know about you guys, but I feel like.

Do you ever know? Like, I feel like you're always learning about someone, right? I'll be like two years in and I'm like, yeah, I really know him now. Like, I mean, even like a year and I'm like, I really know him. And it's like, do I really know my husband? Yeah. I think it was after we had had. Yeah.

That's when it really kind of sunk in because, you know, we knew each other as, as, I mean, we started out as friends and then we fell in love. And then, you know, from from there, we were living together. anyway, we waited until we got married to have sex. And then... He loved saying that corny joke. And then, but then the last piece of that was, you know, having a baby and sharing that together, how you would be parenting and how you would mold somebody's life and mold your

life around that person. I think that's when it was like, that's when we, I felt anyway that, you know, like this, I feel like we're in a really good place. That's awesome. Doug, you're hilarious. Jamie, you're great. So glad you guys gave us a time to talk. Really enjoyed this conversation.

For those listening, I want to find out more about Doug and Jamie. We'll link their information in the show notes down below. We also did a podcast on, we've done now our second. So go check that out on their podcast called Hot Marriage, Cool Parents. And we'll talk later, guys. Thanks. Thank you.