Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 43 i'm not here to make you happy

Episode Date: November 19, 2020

Welcome to our first ever LIVE Couple Things episode! You can check out Teddy & Bear here! https://bit.ly/3pqj2Au Today we chatted about: - Why your partner isn't with you to make you happy - Pop Culture (Kaitlyn Bristowe CRUSHING it on DWTS and how her boyfriend Jason is supporting her) - How special Halloween was - Answered questions from you guys - Long distance dating and how we got through it - How Olympic qualifications work - How we found mentors - Our feelings on transitioning from 1 to 2 kids And a huge thank you to today's sponsors! Skillshare: Explore your creativity at https://www.Skillshare.com/EASTFAM and the first 1,000 people to use our link will get a free trial of Skillshare Premium Membership. Best Fiends: Download Best Fiends FREE today on the Apple App Store or Google Play. Bev: Receive 20% off your first purchase, PLUS FREE SHIPPING on all orders. We suggest trying their BEST SELLING “Ladies Night” variety pack so you can check out all of their delicious varietals. Go to https://www.DRINKBEV.com/EASTFAM or use code EASTFAM at checkout to claim this deal! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A three, two. What's up everybody? Welcome back to a couple things. What shot on Andrew? A podcast all about couples. And the things they go through. And today we are doing a live episode, which could end drastically bad. We love doing lives, although we're still iron out the technology side of things.

Because I literally keep going. What? literally every time we do a live something goes wrong what what people don't realize is the tech crew you're looking at right here so it's not like we have a whole squad behind us working the cameras or whatever it's literally going through my lap baby i'm really proud of you from day one for the past five years we have been a one man show when it comes to production editing and you taught yourself from scratch it's not like you went to college for it which is really cool Thanks, babe. I appreciate that.

Welcome. Here's what I'm really excited about is in the future, assuming that today goes well, we're going to be incorporating like live call-ins from you all today to not get too freaking, make sure this goes smooth. We're just going to be giving shout-outs. So right now on the YouTube stream, we have Natalie, Sparkles, Deborah Rossman. We have Sean would say names, but she has bad eyesight. Yeah, I can't read that.

Julie Cowen, Jordan Scott. What's up, everybody? Good morning. Happy Wednesday. we're excited to do our first live show. Yeah, I want to start. I want to start because today is a big day and since this is live and it's actually going live right now, we can talk about this.

If you didn't see, we just announced something really huge and we're really excited about it. We just started a new company called Teddy and Bear, inspired by Drew, made for families and kiddos everywhere. They're sock puppets and it's this whole character world that we plan to kind of grow into like books and cartoons and everything we're really excited so check it out teddy and bear com sorry i had to plug that uh we don't have a link in the in the description or anything we're literally just trying to make sure this live stream doesn't flop so um the layout of today's show is we're going to talk the thought of the day which is very couple things related we're going

to talk some pop culture news and then we're going to interact with you guys as well so thank you for joining us hope you're having a great day whether you're at home i don't know if people are I don't know where you are if you're going to work tangibly, but we're glad to have you here. Yes. So to kick it off. The thought of the day.

The thought of the day. We're going to take you guys back. Okay. This was, when was this? Was it like first week of dating? Or is this like first couple months? This was the first time I went to your hometown.

Okay. So we started dating in like June. This was in October. You came out in October. 2013. Yes. Take it back. Des Moines, Iowa.

We were kind of hot and heavy by then. Like, we were really serious. We hadn't said, I love you, but we both knew it. We were meeting each other's families. We were in thick of it. Yeah. And I remember he flew to Des Moines for the first time. I was still living there.

This was also the same month that I moved to Nashville. Remember that? All right. First of all, when you hear our story, you think, wow, Andrew was super aggressive in the dating relationship. But then actually, I think more of that went on your show. Yeah, because I moved to you, like three months, four months into dating. Anyways, so we're having this heart to heart. And I think kind of in like a fleeting, really cute, romantic moment, I was like, oh my gosh, you make me so happy.

We're playing tennis. We're on the tennis courts. Oh, yeah. I remember this, yeah. But I was like, baby, you make me so happy. Like, you make me the happiest girl in the world. world. Then Andrew decides to like hit the ball back and return a comment and say I said Sean I'm not here to make you happy. I'm here to make you the woman you were made to become. I'm not sure I'm not sure you

followed. I'm really not sure you followed at the second part it was literally just like a I'm not my goal is never to make you happy and I was like wow wow one way to ruin moment two I'm not sure I signed up for this. So here's my thought behind it though. I think people get wrapped up or put too much emphasis on being happy in a relationship when my perspective is and maybe you've grown to adopt this mentality too is like honestly a relationship is a place where you can feel comfortable and that growth occurs, right? It's not about like always smiling or making jokes or things like that.

I think that's a derivative, but if I'm helping you reach closer to your purpose that you were born here and placed here to achieve, then my mission here is accomplished. Yes, and I think that took me probably a couple of years to understand and agree with, but my argument at the time was we're brand new to this relationship. If we aren't intentionally every day trying to impress Wu, bring out joy and happiness in one another, I don't feel like we're doing the right thing. And Andrew's big conversation that we kept coming back to over and over and over again was that we aren't supposed to make each other happy because happiness is only last a moment.

We're supposed to make each other feel joy in long-lasting, like, soulful happiness, which isn't fleeting. Right. And not, I know there's a big old debate. By the way, Kylie is telling me to turn on my mic. We have Charlotte to turn on my mic. Melanie, we just turn up my mic. So thank you for the input.

I'm sorry. Sean tried to. No, that was Drew. She likes to come play with the soundboard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. Wait, can I, can I read the comments?

What? Well, you, get your computer. Get your computer here. I have FOMO. Everyone wants to know where Drew is. We've had like Cheryl and Brandy asked where Drew is. She's currently taking a nap. Yes, she's with grandma.

She naps from 930 to 11. Yes, sir. She naps from 1.30 to 3. That's what happens. Or whenever she likes to wake up during that one, because that one's really, you know. And then she goes to bed now around 7.30. Yes. We were.

This is the. date. We were putting her to bed at 6.30 and figured out that was too early. And that's why she was making it at 4 a.m. every day. Claire wants to know, what's this live stream about? This is every Wednesday, we release an episode of a couple things on podcast and YouTube. And today we're doing it live, baby. So experimenting with it. And so far, you know, based off Ashley Zellers and Debra Rossman and reaction and review with Wesley, people are liking it. I do want to go back to that topic, though of happiness versus joy. I think a mistake I have made,

I think a mistake a lot of people make, and I think I even started to make that mistake early on in our relationship was you get caught up wanting to be happy with who it is your dating. And yes, if you're happy in a dating relationship, that's great. But happiness will not last in a marriage.

Just because you go through the ebbs and flows of life and if you expect to be happy, and to be made happy by your spouse every single day, it will fall apart. Which, yeah. No, that's such an important point, whereas if that's the goal, then when you hit one of the valleys of life that's bound to happen, whether you lose your job and you're in a financial pinch, or you experience something like we did with the miscarriage,

and there's not happiness because sometimes you just can't be in life, then you're going to feel like the relationship. is broken and there's discouragement there. But if you feel like the relationship is meant to support each other, help each other grow and reach each other's purposes, then that can last no matter if you're having a good time or a bad time. Well, and then taking that back to the dating world, if you are dating someone, if you're single and you're going in and out of the dating realm, if your expectation is I want to meet

someone and then make me happy and they don't, I feel like your first reaction is, oh, well, this isn't going to work. Whereas you should be looking at different things like do they challenge me and do they make me think deeper and get me outside of my comfort zone to kind of push myself in a direction that I've, you know, always wanted to go and dreamt of and do they truly make me grow as a human being and when I look at the overall picture of it am I happy yeah not in the moment this is fun this is fun to see the live comments roll through so taylor mather and just got married in june congratulations taylor uh i think that marriage is the best thing ever honestly um crystal says no one should

make you happy you have to make yourself happy happiness within is is important i also want to bring up Darcy. Kimbrough. Darcy Kimbrough. Yes. Love you, she was saying, I agree,

you have to have internal happiness and not rely on someone else to bring you happiness. And I want to elaborate on that too and talk about that.

I think a big mistake we all tend to make when we're dating and in relationships is we, Anna and I have talked about this a lot, is we look to the other person to complete us

when that's not possible. If you're happy be in content with yourself alone, only then can you find a significant other, a boyfriend, a husband, a girlfriend, a wife, and it be this mutual relationship that succeeds. If you're looking to them to fill a space and avoid that you haven't been able to fill yourself, then that will go away because whenever something is wrong, whenever you feel down in the doubts, whenever you feel incomplete, whenever you feel challenged in life, you're going going to expect that person to fix it for you. And they can't. Yes. So that's our thought of

the day. Thank you for weighing in. Oh, that's it. Amber. Yeah, I think so. And we could revisit, but Amber and Madeline Paskin and Darcy Ross, Deanna, Oh, you miss and Morgan Sullivan. If you guys have any other thoughts to add on to what we're talking about, please continue to share. But what we're going to do is move on to the pop, the trendy news segment, which shows. Sean is so excited about. And then at the end, after we discuss that, we're going to visit some of your comments. So what is the news of the day, Sean? Okay.

So you brought this up before we started Dancing with the Stars. Yes. Caitlin Bristow. Yes. Friends of ours and Jason Tardick. We actually had them on the show. They've been on a couple things. I saw something on Instagram yesterday and it made my soul smile.

Jason videoed himself with a friend. watching Caitlin. I saw this. And it was during like the elimination. So they were eliminating two couples so that the semi-finalists were left. And to see his genuine reaction of his girlfriend be on national television and make it one step further, he like clapped his hands together and it looked like he was watching the Super Bowl. Yeah, it honestly did.

I was just like that is what relationships are supposed to be. Yeah. Because he's in the apartment. He's not allowed to go watch her during the shows. He can't be on TV. Like his girlfriend is really being put on this huge pedestal and making, you know, a bigger name for herself at the moment. And to see him sit there and just like straight up celebrate her and love her and be so proud,

I was like, dang, that is beautiful. Because that is such a selfless. Reading, playing, learning. Stellist lenses do more than just correct your child's vision. They slow down the progression of myopia. So your child can continue to discover all the world has to offer through their own eyes. Light the path to a brighter future with stellar lenses for myopia control. Learn more at SLR.com.

And ask your family eye care professional for SLOR Stellist lenses at your child's next visit. response yeah honestly his instagram is quickly becoming my favorite because well i feel like i feel like this is my goal with all of the stuff i post on instagram is like i want to be your ultimate hype man and the way he does that for katelyn is so fun like he so he's a huge buffalo bills fan he's from buffalo and like you know he'll post things about how he's pumped at the bills won the Bill's loss. And his excitement about Caitlin and her success is equal, if not greater than that is with football. Well, and you have to think of that whole position and acknowledge the struggles that that, like that naturally would bring. Your girlfriend is dancing with another guy,

which naturally is just, it tugs on your heartstrings a little bit. And to see him so selflessly celebrate that, I, it just formed my heart. I thought. good for you good for you guys yeah any other news to hit well apparently the drama is that on dancing with the stars line carry annabah got is that how you say her name yeah carry annabah yeah uh she got the flu which is a bunch of drama around that too hopefully she's back hopefully she's okay um but i hate to be biased but i really am rooting for keelan and i think she should win yeah it's fun to watch yeah okay let's let's take a quick pause and then we'll get to your comments um do you like the pop culture

segment that's what i want to know but i think that we could either discuss more or less of things that are currently happening but it's kind of fun to do a live show and talk about these things yes before we get to your comments though let's take a quick break and hear from our sponsors so here's the deal sean mentioned the the um the Halloween and i'm so excited for so last year i feel like Halloween for sure it's Halloween with drew we dressed her up you guys saw going out there and trick-or-treating with Drew, like it's true when they say holidays are so much more fun when you see it from your kids' perspective.

Like it was so much fun. The cutest thing. And yes, everything was social distanced. It was really cool to see how houses creatively created, like a socially distanced. I'm going to call. What the heck just happened to your throat?

Are you good? It was socially distanced, like, candy area. But it was really cool to see just all these parents in onesies or pajamas with their canned wine or their beer just celebrating their kids. It was really, really cute. Yeah. Yes. So Christmas, we're doing a big. We started our Christmas decorations.

Put the tree up. What do we do on Sunday? We put a tree in Drew's room. Oh, my gosh. It's epic. We should do a little Instagram tour. Yes. Actually, I wish we could bring you guys along with us right now, but that would be a nightmare.

Again, actually, everything with the live stream is going pretty well so far. Yeah, for the first time ever. Yeah, it's true. But we put up a tree in Drew's room, a tree in the living room. We do fake trees. Sean is in denial with the fact that she's allergic to real trees. Every time we have a real tree, which we tried it a lot, she just can't breathe out of her nose. No, I, it's whenever the seasons change in the,

winter. I get this, I'm coming off of it now, but I get this like terrible cough where I can't, I get congested. And this year was obviously scary. I went, oh, can I tell them that story? Yeah. I went to get tested for COVID. Um, because with Drew in the house and stuff, I was really scared. My throat was really hurting. And I was like, oh, I have it. I have it, guys. So I signed up to go through the drive-through. And they tested me, which isn't, too bad it doesn't hurt and they come back over with like their research department and they're like actually you qualify for all these like studies would you like take part in it and i was like sure and then they paid me 185 bucks that was like what which which honestly it's i'm glad you participated

not because the money but it's important that yeah while everything's still getting figured out yeah they're like if you can participate in a research study i think that's an important they're actually testing this new like at home test it looks like a pregnancy test but you stick it up your nose and then it just like tells you one or two lines you have COVID or you don't I don't know

but anyways that was very strange okay let's get to some comments all right we got a lot of our friends here we have Brenda Chapman Morgan Sullivan Mandy Marie Natalie Sparkles you take the YouTube side of things I'll take Facebook if you guys have any questions

relating to a couple things of any genre write them in right now hit us we're excited um i also want to say hi ashley roberts from south africa so what time is it there she's going to make dinner right now yeah sheesh yeah uh listen again we're excited to have call-ins with you guys but right now we're just going to do comments yes so let's see i'm scrolling through i'm scrolling through Virginia Fletcher says hello Jen Trippancy Let the questions roll in

Oh I should tell you I don't have COVID We should say too For those that sign up for Drew's virtual birthday party Drew got sick Sick now I'm sick We're going to send out an update video Oh here's a question

Great one Austin Leach asks for the best practices When doing long distance dating okay this is probably something that was when we did long distance i don't know if everybody would agree with this but we didn't text throughout the day um just because when one of us didn't respond right away or you were trying to be in a conversation it just got really annoying and we felt like a lot of tension would build from that so every night we would call each other and we would

get like we would get to be like hey babe oh guess what happened today and it was just it allowed us be more excited and have more intentional time with each other. Let me use this analogy too. This happens so often. I fell prey to it in two relationships before you and to probably ruin the relationship, to be honest. It's like you're texting back and forth all day and then there's nothing actually to talk about.

So you're like scraping from the bottom of the bucket, if you will, for like anything good to talk about, anything good to connect about because you've already shared like the live version of everything that's happening. So it's more fun that I think, sorry, let me say, I found it more valuable to actually just touch base a couple times a day, ideally at the end of the day. And that way you can talk about what happened. And then you've had time to reflect on it so you can talk about, oh, you know what? And, you know, football practice went really well. And that made me super happy because I'd been struggling with whatever it is.

Like you've had time to digest your emotions, which is important. Anyway. Ashley Zellers is asking, how do you bounce? the stress of being a mom and not forgetting to date still. Habi and I are having trouble balancing it. Same. We have trouble balancing it as well. But we made a decision, honestly, the week that we brought to home, that every single

Thursday of every single week, I think we've missed one in a year, we go on a date night. So we have a babysitter from like six to nine or six to ten or five to seven or whatever time and and i go out and it's just us and we get dinner yes it's important to know too these questions don't have to just be a couple things related that can be anything related so april murray i don't know if you're comfortable talking about the Olympics but uh she wants to know what's the status of olympians do they do those that qualify stay qualified or do they have to redo it and do you touch do you stay in touch with gymnasts uh yeah stay in touch with some gymnasts not all of them you know there's so many new ones now but uh definitely stay in touch

So here's the fascinating thing about these Olympics, 2021, why it's going to be such an interesting Olympics to watch. Every single sport in every single country has different rules about when and how they can, like they can choose their teams to compete. Follow that. Now, some teams in some countries select their, like, Olympic team a year out. Some wait until like the week before. So if you previously qualified for the Olympics,

before, you know, the Olympic time and before like the shutdown pretty much, you are still qualified. Like you are still competing next year. If you didn't qualify, though, you have to wait for the new qualification to happen in 2021. So it's very interesting. So basically there are people who qualified almost two years ago now that are just having to stay in shape. And some people who like we're getting ready for that qualification and missed it yeah and they'll wait until next year it's crazy uh abriana gear i hope i did your name justice wants to know how did you find older wiser mentors thanks for the question abriana uh i honestly think that start with who your existing community is like talk about talk with your parents or your aunts and uncles and an important part when you talk

about I think I think just an important part to keep in mind as you're living your life is like share what your hopes and dreams and like struggles are not too much like nobody wants just a fire hose of whatever like pity but when you share hey I'm looking for a new job and I hope it's going to be in technology whatever that when you're having that conversation with someone they're then able to say oh actually I know my one of my best friends I went to college with let me connect you, right? And then maybe you connect really well with them and they become a mentor. But being open and honest and not being afraid to share, I think we'll kind of create this snowball effect of that makes the person you're having a conversation with, think of someone or

something or some way that can connect you. So I think that, you know, we're kind of in a unique position where Sean's whole life ever since she was 12 was kind of in the public eye. So whatever she was doing was openly shared. And so people were more prone to connect because it was already out there. But obviously not everybody has that life experience. So just when you're having these conversations, share what you're what you're doing and what you're up to. So yes. Natalie Link, babe, our baby girl's due date was yesterday. Oh my gosh. Hoping she comes in the next few days. She's preggers out here. What is one piece of advice for the first few days home with a newborn? Oh my gosh. My piece of advice.

First of all, we're freaking pumped for you. Yes. Congratulations. I hope everything goes as smooth as it possibly can. But my piece of advice would be when you get home, everybody has these opinions of what you should do and what you shouldn't do and how you should like, should you sleep when the baby sleep? Should you put her in her crib?

Should she be next to your bed? Should like all these things. People have all these things. Throw every do this, don't do that list out the window for the first few days. You're in survival. mode. Get home. Love on your little one. Order takeout. Have people deliver food. Lay on the couch or lay in bed and don't do anything else. Just worry and care to your little one. Both you and dad,

by the way. Dad, you don't have to do laundry. Don't try to be like super human. Lay next to your wife and just love on your baby girl. Janelle says don't forget to take picks while she's so tiny. Yeah. I'm so glad we did that. It's wild to look back on the pictures and videos we took. um susan hodge said shout out just to say i love how real y'all are um appreciate that we try to everything we do with all the content we make we just try to make people feel encouraged to seek deeper connection for us family and our marriage is really important so i hope that that's the effect our content has um yes let's see i'm reading through comments just Just read out Courtney Banks, Sarah Carnahan.

Thank you guys for joining on this beautiful Wednesday afternoon. Haley Maidle. I'm sorry if I butcher your name. Has asked this like 30 times. I think it's a great question. Knowing how hard the adjustment is on a marriage from zero to one kids. Are you nervous about the change from one to two? What will you do differently?

Yeah. I think we're just as nervous for the second one as we were for Drew. What do you think? Super. Yeah. People have given us. We're not pregnant, by the way. People either say, oh my gosh, the second one was so easy to adjust to or, oh, my gosh,

you thought zero to one was hard, just waits for one to two. It's like way more impossible. Anyway, so I think that now that we, now that our life has been dramatically adjusted, I'm optimistic that we'll have a better sense of what we're walking into. I think something too that we're really lucky with is Andrew and I are both. super hands-on with Drew it's not like one parent is more hands-on than the other so I think with the second one it'll be not too much of a you know adjustment period because we're both used to taking care of the baby hey taylor malnariac yeah just had a baby just had a baby Taylor's been with us for

years oh congratulations yeah and there's some ups and downs uh she was telling me about I won't share that but we're optimistic. So Taylor, we're so pumped for you. Parenting is like a really good blessing. Molly wants to know if we're coming out with new merch anytime. Did you guys like the merch? We were, we just, it felt weird for us to sell as much as this community, I think is super bonded. Like we have this big group on Facebook that loves to interact with each other and it's

fun to see people supporting and praying for each other. It just felt weird for us to like make East Fame merch. That's why we're doing fun things like Teddy and Bear and Unicorn. because those to us have a potential to create better community. And they're a better representation of us rather than like a shirt that just says that you swim on. Rachel love the merch. Yeah.

Maddie wants the merch. Okay. Jeez. Yeah. Maybe we can have like a sweatshirt or something. Let's do, let's do one more question. Great. Okay.

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Conditions apply. Details in store and more offers at rona.ca. Oh, yeah. Okay, let's make it a home run hitter. Corinne Sockle Sorry I watch y'all's podcast To get advice on relationships

And to try and navigate new adult life I'm 20 years old What advice do you have For finding the right one And not settling for less All right here are my initial thoughts I'm just going off the cuff here I think that people always talk about

You have to know who you are And be happy with who you are as a person And that's why they say Oh, if you meet your significant other at like a hobby club or like doing something you love while doing something you love, then that's going to like be a really good indication. And like there's there's a lot of potential there. I do think that's true. Whereas like if you're actually confident enough to to do what you love, whether that's like hiking when the rest of your friends are like doing Netflix or whatever it is you love like do that. And then it'll put you in positions to meet other people who are in that scenario. You know, maybe. you bump into on the hike the love of your life you never know babe that's my thoughts though so so i would say i agree with you yeah i would say don't focus on finding the right one i think there are a lot of different people out there that you can spend forever with and it'd be amazing i don't we don't really believe in finding the one because i think if you focus on that if anything goes wrong you'll be

like oh well they're just not the right person i would focus on finding a teammate that you want to take on life with for the rest of your life. And settling for less, to me, I think means sacrificing who you are. So if there are things about you that you feel you have to change because he or she doesn't like it, and I'm not talking about like putting your clothes in the laundry bin. I'm talking about your hobbies, your passions, how you act as a human being, how you, you know, just things that really are written in your heart if you have to change that or subdue it or hide it or whatever that's sacrificing Madison says great answer Sean

freaking way to go girl all right there's a bunch of questions that we're not going to get to today Natalie Sparkles wants to know would we ever get a cat uh let's see let's see let's see are we buffering now let us know thank you for joining today if you haven't subscribed to the podcast on Apple Podcasts or Spotify wherever wherever you get your podcasts, subscribe to the YouTube channel, follow on the Facebook page. This was a real pleasure, guys.

Thank you for taking the time. I hope you have a wonderful day and we will see you next time.