Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 57 Jon and Amy McLaughlin

Episode Date: March 17, 2021

This week on Couple Things, we have Jon and Amy McLaughlin. Jon and Amy both live in Nashville. And we are big fans of Jon's music! We loved this conversation talking about the different seasons of marriage. Here are a few other topics that we cover: How Jon and Amy met When they knew that they wanted to marry each other Why Amy loves marriage How marriage evolves once you have kids Jon’s journey with addiction Self-improvement within a marriage Amy’s approach with Jon’s struggle How to approach having your kids on social media Biggest pet peeves Listen to Jon's music here ▶ http://www.jonmcl.com/ And here ▶  @jonmclaughlin  Follow him on Instagram here ▶ https://www.instagram.com/jonmclaughlin/ If you haven’t yet, please rate Couple Things and subscribe to hear more. Follow us on Instagram to keep the conversation going at https://www.instagram.com/couplething...​ And if you have suggestions/recommendations for the show, send us your ideas in a video format – we might just choose yours! Email us at [e-mail]. We're supported by the following companies that we love! Check them out below: Butcherbox ▶ Ground Beef for Life -- New members will get 2 lbs of ground in every order for the lifetime of your membership. Plus, shipping is always free! Betterhelp ▶ Visit betterhelp.com/EASTFAM and join the over 1,000,000 people who have taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. Get started today and enjoy 10% off your first month. FAN MAIL ADDRESS: Shawn and Andrew East 750 N San Vicente Blvd., East Tower, 11th Floor, Los Angles, CA 90069 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I have never experienced such unconditional love in such a vulnerable moment, such a scary moment than I did with Amy. What's up everybody? Welcome back to Couple Things with Sean and Andrew. A podcast all about couples. And the things they go through. Hey, we have an awesome couple, John and Amy McLaughlin. That's right. So I'm a big fan of John McLaughlin. I have been ever since I was in high school. He is a fellow Hoosier like myself.

If you don't know what Hoosier is, it is someone who was born and raised in Indiana. So I've been following John through his whole career and a big fan. We actually grew up pretty close to each other. He's way cooler than I am. And John is a Grammy-nominated singer-songwriter. He has some amazing music. We will link down below. but he has done songs with Jason Maraz,

Sarah Burrell's. He's gone on tour with Kelly Clarkson. And I'm going to link a couple of my favorite songs down below. But we sit down with John and his wife, Amy, who now live in Nashville. Actually, we don't live too far from them as well. So we have a lot of connections with them. And I really enjoyed this conversation,

A, because I just feel like these are people that we would be friends with. I hope that they consider us friends. I consider them friends and also role models, but they have two kids. And we cover a lot. of different topics, including what it's like to raise kids and their philosophy on that. We also talk about some of John's more vulnerable addictions that he has shared recently publicly,

and I'm grateful that he has the courage to do that. And we also have a lot of laugh. So we're excited for this episode with John and Amy and we're so thankful they took the time to join us. And John actually has his own podcast called Dadville that he does with. Dave Barnes, who is another musician, and they interview a lot of fun people. So we'll link that down below too. But before we jump into this one, please subscribe to the show and give it a rating on whatever platform. I know there's a lot of podcasts out there.

We know there's a lot of shows you could be listening to. But you chose to come and listen to us and we're honored for that. We'll try to make sure that this next hour of your time is well worth it. So without further ado, let's go ahead and roll into this one with John and Amy McLaughlin. All right, John and Amy, what a pleasure to meet you. Thanks for joining us today. Thanks for having us. I'm so excited.

So last time you and I talked, John, was on my show redirected. A lot's happened since then. I think that was like last year sometime, but it's good to see you nonetheless. I do want to start off by saying, I haven't seen your cappuccino. You were on a roll there with making homemade cappuccino. It looks like that's simmered off a little bit. Are we still drinking coffee? No.

Right here, my friend. Oh, okay. Wait, have you hooked him up yet? No, I actually haven't. Now you're making me feel guilty. John, you can't call Andrew a friend. Oh. Andrew has his own coffee and he hasn't sent it to you.

So this is a big day though, because this is the first interview you guys have done as a couple, if I'm understanding this correct. Yeah? No pressure. Thank you. Well, welcome to the. You rehearsed. You rehearsed. Oh, man.

Wait, okay. So I'm going to start it off. Amy. I'm going to it's right at you okay first question here we go heavy hitter um we always ask how did you guys first meet i just want to know wow that's good question yeah or do you remember the day that you first met so we went to the same high school but we are not high school sweethearts i am okay few years older and that was not oh that was more hers well you know in high school it's a big deal it's like two years is like a big deal it's like a big deal

Yeah. Yeah. So I knew of his friends. I knew of him. He had an older sister. You know, so I knew of John, but we didn't run in the same circle. Yeah. And then it wasn't until we went to college.

My fifth year, his junior year, is when we went on our first date. And we have, that was a very, very short version. We have a very long, drawn out version that we love to tell, but it's too long for this. Yeah. It'll be the whole podcast. podcast. What does one do for a first date in Anderson, Indiana? I'm glad you asked. The school that we went to is a real small little school and Anderson University, and they do these things called roommate dates where like if you lived in the dorm, it would be like your whole

floor would go out on a roommate date. And you would invite somebody for your roommate. So it's like a big blind date. It is really fun. And so, So, long story short, I had five roommates at the time, and we were living in this amazing, like, historic, huge house. Victorian, it was, like, beautiful. Yeah. It was actually my piano professor's house, and he went on sabbatical, and we lived in it. So we were like, we should do a roommate date in this house and, like, have somebody come

and cook, and we'll dress up and we'll dance. And, it was amazing. In our campus mail, they sent invitations. and the guys burned the edges of the invitation. Wow. What? They went all out. We had like house meetings for months about this,

mainly just about how to burn the edges. Yeah, we went all out. So that was our first day. And we're the only ones that lasted from that roommate date. Oh, that's really sweet. Wait, I want a hand-burned invitation in the mail to myself. I've never burnt anything for Sean, sadly. Oh, that's probably good.

That's probably good to say that. I can get out of hand. I don't want to overlook the... You took a fifth year in college, Amy? I did. Was that for John specifically? Yeah, I just had a feeling that we were going to get together. No, I played soccer, and so I took very light semesters.

like minimum to be considered full time so that's awesome my fifth year is when I buckle down found my husband and student taught so when did you know you were going to marry each other who that's a good question I know I feel like wow I knew really early on and it so early that it kind of freaked me out we we we dated six months and then it was like the summer and so he went and worked at a young life camp and I went and worked at a church in Pennsylvania and that summer I remember like saying

this is going to make it or break it and the whole I just was like longing you know like when am I going to see him this is torture like I just knew after that we were going to either break up or be together so I don't think there was like a moment like oh

When I looked into his eyes, I knew at roommate date that we were going to be. What was it about John? Was it his classy, messy hairstyle? Was it his boho fashion? Which? My hair used to be longer. My hair was never as long as your hair was. Yeah.

I used to have... It was too long. Yeah. Well, I think all of the girls liked him on campus, obviously. So I was very... A real small school. I was... but i was like i'm not going to like him like please i'm not every girl like them i'm not

but when you're around john you know how funny he is and sarcastic and he was always been so humble but i feel like his humility and how funny he is i'm like that's what i want wow how about that John? How about that, man? Wait, so you guys dated? So you guys dated for six months before you got engaged? Oh, no, no, no. No, we dated for a little over two years.

Awesome. But that's not, I kind of knew, like, okay. What about the proposal story? Anything, anything cool there to know? Wow, John, it's a freaking proposal. It's all cool, Sean. The whole thing is cool. We've had people propose on air.

airplanes with foil rings we've had people do like basically a scene out of the notebook i mean you never know we had tim have you heard tim tibos engagement story don't don't even just nobody needs i mean it should just be turned into a lifetime movie i mean it's like that so not well not now that that's the stage for your proposal story john let's let's hear it so what's funny we got into a huge fight on our on our engagement oh my gosh it was kind of the opposite it was one of the biggest fights it could could have i need to hear this no john's so good though at the end so we went back to the house for the roommate date and he like okay all like we he reenacted all of it and he turned that's amazing he turned it into we're going to fight in life and we're going to make up and

i'm like yes we are going to fight you and we're are going to that was perfect yeah did ten Go do that? Probably not. Wait, so what was this fight about if you don't mind me asking? No, why you got this? Okay, go ahead. So we went. Obviously, I knew I had the ring, you know, I've been planning this for a long time.

I had the ring. I knew I was going to propose to her at the house later that night. And at the time, all my roommates were going to, like, help. They were going to, like, go and light all the candles. and then leave and we were going to get there. So I let her plan the night. Because it was our anniversary of dating. So I was like, that's a great way to like throw her off

of thinking anything's going to happen, let her plan the night. Because I figured in some way, I'll figure out how to get back to the house. Yeah. So we went to down to Indianapolis, where do we go? Ritzkrip? Yeah. We went downtown Indianapolis. With the roots, Chris, got a nice dinner.

But leading up to it, I'm like, I'm in college. This is my gift. We're going to the steakhouse. We've never been. John loves steak. So I'm thinking, I didn't buy him a shirt. The gift is a steak. Like, we're having like a, this is it.

Right. The steak dinner. Yeah. So we get there and he orders that did Chini Alfredo. And I don't remember exactly why. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love Fetuccino-A-L-Fredo. You do, you do. But I don't remember why I got, I don't know if I was like trying to save her money or something.

Maybe I'm thinking, we're about to be married. Her money's my money. We need to stop saving it. I ordered Fetitino, and there are some layers underneath there, surely. But that spark off the ball. And then we recovered and then we had another rule. Oh man, wow, this is great. Yeah, so we recovered and then we were talking about like our relationship.

Oh no. It's our anniversary of dating, we're reflecting. How can we be better? And I forget what I was saying, but I remember saying, like tonight when I ordered the Fetuccini Alfredo. And then it was like, we were at a huge fight. I didn't talk the rest of the way to the car, didn't talk on the way home.

I'm sitting like this, looking out the window, like, so mad. I'm thinking like, are we going to break up? Over Fed and Sheeby, Alfredo. You're driving back to the proposal. You're like, should I still do this? The shoe on this? Yeah. And I'm, like, driving and thinking, like, should I text them and say,

you know what I know. We went for it. We have a great story now. Yeah. Oh, if it makes you feel any better, we got on a huge fight today he proposed as well. I died. He was acting so weird. And I had, like, in a work event that he came to visit.

Yeah. And so I was with, like, my employers and my boss. And he was being, like, so. distant they would try talking to him and he didn't talk back he was like texting and i was like who are you texting who's so important to like whatever we got a huge fight okay good not i don't know how you felt i wasn't like over the moon excited i was definitely like pumped up to be engaged but i wasn't like uh in a necessarily good mood you would say i was just so nervous and like in my head. I was like, oh my gosh, this is happening.

And I feel that we're kind of about the wedding, too. It's like it's so charged and there's so much pressure. Yeah. I don't feel like it was, yeah, definitely wasn't like the best day of my life. Like, I don't remember. I don't know about you guys. We've talked, we talk about this a lot, but I wish so badly we could go back and redo our wedding now when you're like comfortable in your marriage and your relationship. and you're like just want to party and have fun because yeah yeah because i feel like the person i was at my wedding i didn't understand anything like he's almost a stranger when you look back at it and you're like i i don't know i just we cared so much about things that didn't you shouldn't care

anything about right yeah i agree i totally agree yeah we're going back and forth before the show Amy you said you're a big fan of marriage why it's pretty broad open into question but why do you like marriage um well I think it started young I was always boy crazy so I was loves relationships and like I love my girlfriends I love what you learn about yourself and other people and friendships and all that so I feel like marriage is just that magnified like I just feel like I love what it brings out in us. I feel like we both feel the same. We both love talking about marriage.

We both love wanting a good marriage. I feel like we just, when we got married, everyone was like, oh, it's gonna be so hard. And it is, there are times where it's so hard, but overall, I feel like we just, we love it. We've always loved it. Having kids was hard, but marriage has kind of been easy, especially in the beginning.

I mean, we have time now where I feel like it's hard, But my parents had a great marriage. I love watching that. And so I think, I don't know, I was just excited to be a wife and to have kids, all of that. So I don't know. Part of it's my personality and part of it, he makes marriage fun. He makes marriage good. You know, I feel like we have a great marriage because of him.

And I don't know. I could go on and on about marriage. John, I know you're the songwriter, but I think Amy's probably more romantic than you are. based off how this show is gone. But you guys been there married, what, eight, nine years? We're coming up on 15. Wait, what? I thought it's 2011 you got married.

15. 15, guys. That's awesome. You said it was easy starting out, but it's gotten harder. Well. Okay. It gets harder and harder as the day goes on. Okay, great.

Now we're optimistic. I don't think it's harder. I think having kids. Kids changes. Kids change. I mean, you guys know. I mean, we were married seven years before we had kids. So it was very, I don't know.

You can do what you want. You can, you know, I don't know. And so kids were snippier with each other or, you know. That's the truth right there. Well, we actually did a podcast on that where we feel like when you have a kid, it changes who you are. It changes your purpose, how you go about everyday life. what you wear how you act what your hobbies are it's almost like you have to restart dating and get remarried almost and then at the same time become a parent right it's just it's all new dynamics yeah that's

great yeah and they say you know you you what's that saying like through the course of a marriage you're going to be married to several different people and you hope it's the same person or whatever It's not crazy like that. Yeah. Definitely true. Like you were saying, Sean, when you think about your wedding day, I mean, that was 14 and a half years ago, I feel like we barely knew each other back then. Uh-huh.

We know each other now. So, yeah. And I feel like Amy is just really, and anyone who knows Amy would say this. Amy is so good at relationships. She always has been. And she's just the greatest, like, listener. And I'm always amazed at how, how, like, she can just kind of speak anyone's language a little bit

and also genuinely cares about what the other person is going through and saying and will remember things. And, like, sometimes I feel like me at my best, I'm like, I'm rating myself. I'm like, I'm being a really good listener right now. And then I can't remember anything that was happening because the whole time I was thinking about how I'm performing as a listener.

That's hilarious. I even asked that. Oh, that it's gotten harder. That it's gotten harder. Yeah. Oh, that it's gotten harder. Yeah. See, I don't know if I would say that it.

I would say it was harder in the beginning of marriage and then it got easier. But kids, and then kids, was just that same arc over again. Mm-hmm. When we had kids, it was really hard when they're younger. And now I feel like it's getting, it's getting easy. Wow.

Well, we can sleep through the night. Yeah. We don't have to work. They're putting things in their mouth all the time. Like, we could talk and they're upstairs playing. I feel like I can't believe we're in the stage of life now. Yeah. Because at the beginning, it's so draining.

It's so, it is the best thing, but it's so all-consuming. mean and you know yeah i feel like we're and everyone says like oh the early elementary years are like the golden years and we're like i think i understand what they're saying like so yeah we have a we have a one year old so we get that yes you guys are in the thick of you are in the thick of it yeah yeah yeah enough but it's it's hard it's exhausting i thought the first four months were like it's just brutal i would do i would do like i would do like like morning workouts, the morning workouts we did in college football were like the worst, but I would do a whole lifetime of those instead of like, it's just brutal.

But. Instead of the first four months over there, kids. Oh my God. He's like, I work out for the rest of my life not to go to the first four months again. Anyway, I don't know. Amy, one thing that John said when we spoke earlier that really I've thought about multiple times since is I asked him how he approaches parenting because, you know, you're going guy's lifestyle is traveling and there's a lot of kind of demands outside the home and he said

um the you you welcome the kids into your world not you into theirs can you talk about that yeah i mean i'm trying to think how i can go deeper into it besides just that i think we we still go to the restaurants we want to go to or we won't and we'll do takeout because it's not worth it to it's going to be awful. I feel like we did a little bit at the beginning of like, now we're going to have a baby-wise schedule, you know, like we're going to like at seven they go to bed every night or, you know, so some of that changed a little bit. But I would say, yeah, I feel like we want to go to Australia.

We're going to take our kids to see our best friends there. like and we would get on the plane and we would say this is going to be the worst 24 hours of our life we'll pay to each other doesn't count we are just going to get through it and we are just you know i feel like we know traveling with kids can be hard but it's really just going to be hard for a little bit and we're going to get there we're both kind of laid back john is wanting to help john you know like he's so hands-on he's so i mean having a partner like that i feel like you can do your normal life if you're both kind of like I got this you got this yeah you know did I answer some yeah no what someone I've told us that I feel like before yeah who had kids

and I think we would say like you I mean you can't you can't fully do that like you so you're going to change like if you do that to the fullest degree it is unhealthy so like like you're saying we don't do everything that we would like to do because you just can't it's just not worth it we're not going to be able to go to you know like we were going to take the girls on the road for a couple weeks and we got really close and we decided to just bail on it because we're like you know it's either going to be the best two weeks of our life or the work and it's not worth the 50 50 gamble and it's super expensive yeah so there have been some things that we haven't been able to do for sure but for the most part we try to bring them into our world you know well the reason

I want to talk about it and Amy it sounds like it's just kind of like you're how you guys it's not even a second thought really but for us I feel like we've struggled with it just because it's like should we go to like we barely go to the grocery store because it's like it's just more of a hassle like let's just let's just like you know eat whatever we already have in the pantry I've already experienced the flip side of what your guys' style is, which is, all right, it's just in a lot of ways easier to cater to what they need and not to what is probably better for us in the long term.

So I admire that. I think right before you have kids, you're always taking in so much information from other people, asking them what to do and what not to do. And you always have so many people who are like, oh, your life is over. Right. Like you're not going to be able to travel.

you're not going to be able to go to your favorite restaurants you're not going to be able to do all these things and it's just a lifestyle choice and I like that you guys chose that because I think it's a really encouraging thing for a lot of people to hear and I again I'll praise John again because he is much better than I am like I am like what you're saying at the grocery store I'm like my gosh it stresses me out I would rather wait to go until John Timble watch them and then I this is when they're littler because they were not just the sweet little baby like in the car just looking around they were like scream you know it was i was sweating and it was stressful yeah our kids were not easy yeah and so and so john though i feel like you are like i'll do i will take them even now when he plays tennis he's like i'll take them with me and you can sit and watch and i'm like oh that would be i wouldn't be able

to relax i wouldn't be able to fully enjoy something so he's really good at being like I'll put them in the carrier, I'll put, you know, the baby in there and Luke in the front, and we'll do the grocery store. And I'm like, why would you do that? Just leave him with me. And he's like, I can do it. I don't know if it's like I can do it until I'm doing it or if it's like. I mean, I think it's a couple things. One, I do think there's a little bit of that in me. Like, I can do this.

They will, I want to go play tennis, so they will come with me or whatever. like it's it could be seen as selfish like rather than not play tennis i'm going to bring them with me and they're just going to go you know but i also think it's it's our kids are easier with me when they were littler they were they just didn't need me as much as they needed amy we talk about this on dave and my podcast the kids just don't like when they were around amy when they were smaller, they just almost couldn't help themselves. Like, if Amy wasn't holding them, they were freaking out. They're not like that with me.

You know what I mean? Like, if it's just me and Amy's not home and not an option, they're so much easier because they're like, we don't really, I mean, we can hang with you or not. It's more indifferent to hang in the dad. If mom's home, we need to be with mom, you know. So they're a little bit easier to manage with me. I have found.

And I think that's been true of a lot of other dads that I've talked to. Yeah, we saw some stat that it was like kids are like 80 or like 800 times more likely to be more worse around the mom. Yeah, yeah. Really? Yeah. Interesting. Because they know we'll do whatever they want.

Oh, man. How did your eyes dynamic change within your marriage before you had kids and then after? I thought we were both laid back and I feel like John's not as laid back as I thought he was. Wendy's most important deal of the day

has a fresh lineup. Pick any two breakfast items for $4. New four-piece French toast sticks, bacon or sausage wrap, biscuit or English muffin sandwiches, small hot coffee, and more. Limited time only at participating Wendy's taxes extra. Well, I think that, like, kids just bring, it just brings life to a new level of intensity.

So it's kind of like whatever is there, I think this is the same for a marriage. Whatever is there in that relationship, you get married, it's just kind of intensify whatever's there. I kind of feel like it's the same for us. And, you know, like, in that, in our existing marriage, when you have kids, it's kind of brings stuff to the surface. and my I have a real kind of OCD tidiness

cleanliness thing and it comes out in stress so I'm like oh he's mad cleaning right now he's thank you Amy Shonda's the same thing I'm like what are you mad about and she's obviously stressed out of it and she's like

nothing let me do the dishes I'm doing it before I even realize I'm doing it Yeah, same. I am instantly just cleaning, and now I can be like, you're stressed about something. You're like, you're cleaning the underside of the cabinet. Yeah. You know.

I actually found myself the other day. I was sitting like on the floor next to our kitchen island scrubbing the cabinet, like doors. Yeah. And I recognized it. I was like, what am I doing? Yeah. What am I stressed about? So I was like, Sean, I think it's best if we'd just take some time apart and we'll cool off.

There was no argument yet. It was just like, we're going to need some time apart. I could already tell. I'm like, we're going to have a conversation. And I'll say like, do you upset about something or do you want? And he'll say no for a while. And then I'll say no for like a month and a half. Yeah.

And then we'll come back a month and a half later, be like, oh, actually. this was actually going on. Right. So I didn't notice that before kids. I didn't notice the stress cleaning. I didn't notice. I didn't notice that stuff. Yeah.

What else do you think that has changed? I don't know. I mean, I feel like in a lot of ways our relationship, our dynamics have kind of stayed the same, you know. That is an example of something that is kind of like, it was always there, but it's just brought to the surface. Yeah. I like what you said about the intensity.

I think that's from my experience so far, pretty true. John, I am curious on your Instagram or Facebook, you posted Dax Shepard's Day 7 podcast. You said it really, you connected with it really well. And I was just curious to hear more about why that hit you like it did. And it was, I mean, for anyone who's listening who hasn't listened to it, I mean, it's kind of, it's one of those things where I don't know that it will resonate. with everybody, but it really, I was on the road. I was in Philadelphia. I was just walking

around the streets of Philadelphia, listening to that podcast with like tears in my eyes. It was such a honest, just amazing, vulnerable, you know, confession. And for me, the reason why I kind of resonated with that is I don't have an addiction to alcohol or anything like that but I've experienced addiction to pornography and it's been something that you know I brought into our relationship 17 years ago and had been dealing with you know years and years and years before that and we reached a point this would have been four and a half years ago now where I kind of had that moment that Dax had the other day with Amy. And so I think that's why it hit me so hard because that I have never experienced such unconditional love in such a vulnerable moment, such a scary moment.

and then i with amy that day in april 2016 and so it was cool to hear him confessing that and and and you know like for me i'm like i i hope he receives the love that i received you know so you're saying that unconditional love you felt from amy yeah wow i got chills it is a like amy i would love to hear how you were motivated from that but people, I feel like self-improvement is such a buzzword or like industry now and I always say nothing will make you better

or more refined than marriage like every day you have to wake up and deal with the problems but you also because like you're confronted with the same oh Andrew didn't close the cabinets Andrew didn't close a cabinets like how is Sean going to deal with that

and so you evolve you've learned how to approach that issue but then you also get the affirmation of the person who knows you the best of anybody on the planet and so there's something really really amazing about that yeah for sure I think too there's something really cool in relationships in marriage just like the deeper relationship of society likes to tell us that people can't change and I think that's wrong because you change and evolve every single day as a spouse and you're challenged every day by your spouse to be better so I think I think it's cool to hear stories we've heard a ton of stories over the past year from

other couples of like just that just the affirmation of spouses to to be better and to challenge each other to change and work on things and work through things and I think that's just it's inspiring how did you approach that though amy well I think you know we kind of talked about it in our full relationship and so I think you know as a woman maybe you just don't know at first until you you know like walk through that or just know about I think so for the first 10 years or 12 years I think we talked about it and I'm trying to understand guys and girls different and what does it look like to be a man and you know like all of that stuff that and again that I love learning about and I feel like okay I think I get it I think but it's a subject

that is so taboo not talked about no one wants to talk about it yeah and but I feel like I thought we were having a good healthy you know conversation about and I think that moment in April I think before I would get real mad like and I feel so like silly and you know at the beginning like you cheated on me you you know I had those feelings and as the years have gone by I'm like I feel that zero and I more feel like this is something that John is shameful of he doesn't like it he doesn't want to do this I'm more come out of like empathy and compassion and I don't feel so like oh this is about me and you know like i'm trying to look at it as like i'm so proud of them for telling me i'm so proud of them for bringing it to the light because i feel like when

it's in the dark that's when it gets picky and gross and um so i feel like and again john's the best husband in the world he like so when he's so upset about himself i'm like please we all have things we all you know have things that we're shameful of and that i could be be better and you accept me for who I am and I think my biggest thing in all of this and marriages like and it might not be the same for you but for us I'm like I just want it to be in the light so it doesn't get dark and I love you no matter what you have such a good heart you are telling me I mean there's never a time where I'm like finding something he you know he comes to me and he says hey I got to tell you something I'm not proud this is what happened and I'm like

I'm thankful I have a husband who wants to be better for himself and for a marriage. And, you know, so I feel, I hope that I've just come at it as like, great. This is something that you've dealt with your whole life. I'm watching you. I feel bad that this is such a shameful thing you have to talk about. I think no less of you. I love you. I love your heart.

It's so, you're all the good things. and this is just something you're getting caught up on, you know. Wow. Sorry. That's amazing. No, that's amazing. No, it's amazing. It's truly amazing.

Like, I hope a lot of people can hear that and just know, like, that is truly marriage. Yeah, it is. And we talk about this so much on here of people, the world is trying to paint marriage as, like, oh, you said this. You said this one thing. and oh our marriage is over it's not going to work we're leaving and i think hearing these stories from people of like working through conflict and problems is beautiful like that's what it should be because you learn to love someone so much more as soon as you work through it which is so cool you do you do but a big component of that is it took you 10 years amy to switch your approach it sounded

like right kind of like i think it was before that okay okay it was a gradual evolution but it wasn't like this was the topic of conversation day in and day up yeah you know when you have other people who go through it you kind of talk about it and when it's brought up but he's he remembers before we started dating or something i had made a comment that i would never want to marry someone who struggled with pornography i don't remember saying i believe i said that again i went to a small christian school that is what you know i didn't know i wasn't married to a guy i didn't know anything so i said something so stupid and insisted way back then but i think john's garden went like she can never know this when really you know again the beauty

of marriage is the longer together the more like those layers come off and you know and i love the layers i'm like i just want it to be real and deep i want all that i want it to be like i want it to be like which goes back to what we were saying same with us and me personally i want to go back to the day we got married and be like you know nothing like uh we've actually we've gone it's we went to a friend's wedding a while like a few months ago and kind of left and we were just giggling to ourselves like oh this is so cute like i wish they just knew like how much they'll actually love each other years down the road yeah and i love going to wedding i feel like weddings are almost more for the couples like us yes and sitting in the congregation than they are like we love going

to weddings and just kind of renewing the whole thing it's so fun so cool so you guys we're talking about kids. You have two kids, Luca and Liv. And you recently, John, have started a podcast with your friend Dave Barnes, who you mentioned before. What was the inspiration behind Dadville? So Dave and I have been friends for almost 20 years now. It's been a long time. And we live right across the street from them. They have three kids. We have two kids. We just almost like coexist together.

So it's like Dave one day was just like, hey, do you want to, I'm thinking about doing a podcast called Dad Bill. You want to do it with me? And I was like, yeah. I mean, that would, it's kind of like just our conversations that we already have. Let's just record them, you know. And it's been awesome. I have absolutely loved it.

That's great. you also have um you did a cooking series on your facebook page with your girls so this is Sean and I get asked this all the time of like hey how do you feel about putting your kids on social media how do you how do you guys approach that you know if I could go back before I posted a single picture of Luca I don't know it's interesting to think about because I I don't know if I, I feel like we had Luca and I was just so excited. I didn't, I just had to tell the world. And I don't, you know, I don't know if, I don't know how I feel about it.

You know, we have, we have friends who don't post pictures of their kids, and we have friends, or obviously like I post cooking shows with my kids all the time, you know, so. Right. We don't know if we're doing it, right. Yeah, I don't know if I'm. doing it right you know so we have a one-year-old you guys have uh not nine and five so you guys are a couple steps ahead of us has there been any effect of social media your social media in their lives i'm just curious so i can learn from those who've gone before me no i mean the only thing

is they you know they know that like live will get recognized from people like people know it's lived on the cooking show and it's mainly lived and i because we would do it when luca was at school and so sometimes when we're out somebody will say something to livy about the cooking show and lucca's like why i want to be on the cooking show worry about like a she feeling left out from that jealousy they really know what Instagram is, they don't know that. They know what kids YouTube is and they know, you know, but they don't know

any sort of, that someone liked the picture that we were on. They don't know that yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, nice. I don't want them to have social media ever. Obviously, watching this social dilemma, we're like, yeah, we're like, oh my gosh. We almost threw our phones out the window. Yeah. Yeah, so we're like

high school or college. Yeah. Yeah. Like grad school, I'm thinking maybe. Parenting is scary. You guys have... Wait. Dadville podcast. You've gotten to talk to some awesome guests.

Drew Holcomb was one of our favorite. He shared some unbelievable wisdom, him and Ellie. Talk to him. Talk to Ted Danson. You've talked to Andy Grammer. Who's been your... Well, this isn't a fair question. but who would for new listeners taking out your show where would you direct them what episode

i know it's tough yeah so we just had a friend who who asked this question she hadn't listened to any of them i mean all the interviews have been great um but there there's one that we did with um with a like a professional that counselor um And, you know, like child psychology or something. Stephen James. And that one was, I think I've got more comments about that episode than any other one because it was just, you know, it's, it's like an expert on the podcast talking about constructive, helpful things.

Yeah, that were really, really interesting. I don't know it's too hard to say I mean all the guests were awesome Andy Grammer is like he's like one of my favorite human beings on the planet he's like the most joyful person I've ever made so that was a great conversation

that's a good compliment yeah okay so I have a couple questions for you guys we ask every couple fun little activity you have to choose who goes first without knowing the questions. John.

We're going to have to do a compilation one of these days of just little clips of who chooses because it's always funny how people do it. Okay, John, what is your biggest pet peeve when it comes to Amy? You know what I'm going to say. Oh, there are many. I think of your most.

I would probably say, Amy is not, I love you so much. Amy is so beautiful. She has a hard time pushing in the drawers because of her beauty. So. How you said that is perfect. That's really hilarious. Amy, what is your biggest pet peeve with John? Yeah, John I hear so much about the Dorking person.

This is, this is our marriage here. Put it in a compliment though. You didn't know. Because you're so much about those. But I feel like sometimes it's OCD and I'm not taking away. I'm not the best at shutting doors. But I think I get annoyed that he is, that he cares about that stuff. Preach, Amy.

That is literally our marriage right here. John and Sean are very similar. Amy and I very similar. I'm just like, Andrew, can you just like maybe shut a cabinet door? It like doesn't take any effort. So you're saying you've been married 11 more years than us and this issue is not going away. It's okay. Great.

so you'll still be keeping the cabinet doors open in 11 years awesome um amy you have to go first this time what is the thing you love the most about john oh gosh to be fair you've shared a lot already yeah you have i love him so much he's so great the most the most i think he is just so good at making me feel like I'm the best person you know he's so good to complimenting me he's so good about doing things for me you know I feel like I truly feel like I'm the luckiest that I get to have him you know it's like I had no idea back then that oh yeah everyone thinks he's good looking but it's like no no no no he's not just good looking he's like truly selfless truly funny truly everything you know besides the OCD thing like I don't I'm sorry I don't think I answered it

just that but I feel like no that makes him I think he wants to be a good husband and so like I always say like find someone who wants to be a good husband like who wants that because I don't think every guy wants that I don't think I think some people in women I think people just get married to get married. I think John wants to be a good husband. I still feel that 11, 15 years after something. It's a pretty good compliment. It's a great compliment. Okay, John, what do you love the most about Amy? This is impossible. I don't know if this is the most, and this is one of those questions where, of course, for the rest of the day, I'm going to be thinking of other thing that I could have said but i just think amy has a um amy has like a selfless like her version of love is so

selfless and i don't think everyone's version is that way you know i think that her i mean she said earlier we have a great marriage and she attributes a lot of that to me i feel the exact same way toward her like I feel like whenever people are talking about marriage being hard and marriage can be hard I don't mean to you know discount that but I always think being married to Amy is so easy I feel like she is she shows me how much she loves me in such a selfless way so and also nine thousand other thing I love that Wow. Thanks, guys. Now I feel warm and cozy inside. Well, we're thankful to get to know you both. Thank you for doing your first couple's interview on a couple things.

Thank you. I loved it. And I love that you guys have this, truly. It's really great conversations that you guys are having. It's awesome. I'm glad it exists. We appreciate that. And I want to interview you guys to know all these things. about you. Yeah. The conversation is very lopsided. Yeah. Well, listen, I didn't know John played tennis like he does.

Do you play pong as well, John? If by pong, you mean ping pong? Pong. He takes it seriously. Yes. I'm trying to, I just trying to think of all the other pongs, and I realize there are some. But do you ping pong? I'm a less than average ping pong player.

Okay. Amy can school me at ping pong. so well then maybe maybe we have you over for some couples ping pong there we go there we and cappuccinos yeah yeah i was just thinking anyway thanks for the time guys this is fun thank you guys thanks guys