Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 62 Love Languages

Episode Date: April 21, 2021

This week on Couple Things, we're talking about Love Languages. Our guests often bring up this topic during our conversations when asked what's helped their communication, so we wanted to dive deeper into the subject. Here are the topics that we cover: Learning the concept of love languages Words of affirmation Quality time Acts of service Gifts Physical Touch Communicating your love language If you haven’t yet, please rate Couple Things and subscribe to hear more. Follow us on Instagram to keep the conversation going at https://www.instagram.com/couplething...​ And if you have suggestions/recommendations for the show, send us your ideas in a video format – we might just choose yours! Email us at [e-mail]. We're supported by the following companies that we love! Check them out below: Best Fiends ▶ Simply download Best Fiends for FREE today on the Apple App Store or Google Play. That’s FRIENDS without the R – Best Fiends! Beekeepers ▶ For a limited time, Beekeeper’s Naturals is offering my listeners an exclusive deal: They will ship you a FREE two-week supply of B.Immune Propolis Throat Spray—you just pay $5 dollars for shipping. To claim this deal you must visit BEEKEEPERSNATURALS.com/EASTFAM FAN MAIL ADDRESS: Shawn and Andrew East 750 N San Vicente Blvd., East Tower, 11th Floor, Los Angles, CA 90069 Follow My Instagram ▶ http://www.instagram.com/ShawnJohnson...​ Like the Facebook page! ▶ http://www.facebook.com/ShawnJohnson​...​ Follow My Twitter ▶ http://www.twitter.com/ShawnJohnson​​​​​​ Snapchat! ▶ @ShawneyJ Follow AndrewsTwitter ▶ http://www.twitter.com/AndrewDEast​​​​​​ Follow My Instagram ▶ http://www.instagram.com/AndrewDEast​...​ Like the Facebook page! ▶ http://www.facebook.com/AndrewDEast​​​​​​ Snapchat! ▶ @AndrewDEast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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unquote learn and if you can do that you can without fail show each other so much love and feel so loved that it just makes your relationship even better. What's up everybody? Welcome back to a couple things. What's Sean and Andrew? A podcast all about couples. and the things they go through. Today, we are going to talk about love languages. And the funny part about this is I think this is our third time filming this episode. I was just about to bring up the fact that the last time we tried to record this episode,

it was actually several months ago. And we had a massive argument about three minutes in. I don't even know why, but we did. It's a thing. And then we tried to film it again and it didn't work. We got another argument. I don't know. But now we're back.

Needless to say, that's why love languages is important. Yeah, just so you can work to understand each other, work to love each other better, and work to receive love. Yeah. And know how to do that. Do you think we'll make it through this without arguing? I hope so. Okay.

Before we get into it, if you haven't yet, please subscribe to the show. Give it a rating wherever you're listening on. If you are listening to the podcast only, we do have the show on YouTube where you could see Sean's hairy armpits and my face for radio right there live in person. Oh my gosh. You have the most handsome, sexy face I've ever seen. Thank you, babe. Appreciate that.

And we also do live streams over there. So if you've listened to any of our previous kind of interactive episodes, it's all via YouTube. So you can subscribe to this show over there. And if you're on YouTube, go subscribe to an Apple podcast. Why not? It's free. But I also want to say this.

Yes. we say this nearly every episode yes we're not counselors no we are not professionals we're not professors none of this and we have not figured it out yeah we're just like you uh and we're trying to just share more of this marriage friendly uplifting uh positive type of family content and so we're not like really explicitly giving advice uh hopefully more experiences that you can relate to And to take it back to our very first episode, we were inspired to do this podcast because if you follow media and social media, all of the conversations around marriage and relationships are doomsday. It's so-and-so didn't make it. They broke up.

They got divorced. It didn't work. He wasn't the one. It was all, it's all pessimistic, like, opinions. And actually, that's kind of pertains to more than just the marriage-related. media. It's most media. It's like just bad stuff out there.

But there are so many happy stories out there. Yeah. And relationships are hard and sticky. Preach. You go through so many roller coasters. Preach. That's okay. Preach.

Wow. You're good. But it's okay. And we wanted to shed a light on how all of these couples do marriage and do relationships completely different. And it works. And that's fine. So that being said, we're discussing love languages because it's something that

Sean and I found helpful. And we hope you do too. No guarantees. There's no data to back that up. But let's go ahead and go ahead. Well, I was going to start it off. Do it, dude. Okay.

So I don't know if you remember this, but Anna and I were engaged. We went to Chicago to this amazing premarital counselor where we did like an intensive course over three days. Yes. And one of the things he said to us. which stuck with me and it was like written in my core was that the hardest thing for couples to learn is that they speak different languages like Andrew speaks Chinese and I speak Russian just follow me for a second and the as long as it takes for each of us to learn each other's

language is how long it will be difficult for us to understand each other does that make sense Yeah. You're saying that we each are looking for different things. We each come and come into a conversation with different filters and lenses and we need to acknowledge that so that we can cater to the other person. And we could each be saying the same exact thing, but just be saying it differently. And it takes effort and things like this love language and all these different outlets to figure out what each other means. what each other needs. Well, yeah, yeah. It takes effort in the sense of self-awareness and then also having the vocabulary in the sense that, hey, Sean, Sean is really prone to try to love me through words of affirmation, but I actually now realize that I'm more of a, uh, of a gifts person, right?

Just, no, this is all hypothetical. I was like to say what? No, no, but, but understanding the different buckets from what you operate. Yes. And knowing the framework really is helpful. So in our experience. Yes. It is helpful.

So the concept, let's take you back. The concept of love languages was developed by Gary Chapman, Ph.D. In his book, The Five Love Languages, which we've both read. Yes. It's great. There's Nash. That is Nash. There you go.

I'm guessing that's Comcast. And in the book, he describes five unique styles of communicating love. which are categories that he distilled from his experience in marriage counseling and linguistics. And he says, we all may relate to most of these languages, but each of us has one that speaks to us the most, which is your primary love language. It's very important.

So can you list them? Do you remember what they are? Words of affirmation. Physical touch. Acts of service. Quality time. And gifts. Yes.

Those are the five. Those are the five. And you will receive love in one of those languages. You'll also be more prone to give love in one of those languages based off your background, how your parents loved you, how previous relationships have shaped you. But let's talk about which one we are, babe. And how to figure that out. So I personally believe, and I think mine has changed a little bit over time.

I think I show love through gifts. Okay. And I receive love through quality time. Interesting. Or physical touch. Quality time is just, quality time is just the worst, you know,

like, really? Can you do one that? She's the most time intensive. It is. It is. It is. It doesn't matter how sweet I am to you.

If I don't spend 14 hours a day with, I'm kidding. That's not the definition of quality time, Andrew. That's true. I think that I try to, show love. I'm more prone to show love via words of

affirmation. Yes. And I think I receive love through acts of service. Wow. It's Rona Week. Now until Wednesday. And the best part, we're ready to help you extend your summer.

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Conditions apply. Details in store and more offers at rona.ca. So we just don't match on any level there. It's not something to be worried about, though. No, no. It's not about matching. It's about the awareness. But it's also a point because we each have to actively understand

that how I would naturally show love isn't how you receive it so then understanding that oh even though i really want to buy you this gift because i feel like i'm showing you you are loved through it instead i should be doing an act of service for you and i think when people talk about relationships in the sense of it they take a lot of work it's the understanding first it's the awareness like we talked about then it's the understanding and putting in the effort of okay i'm naturally going to try to give it again gift, but I'm going to really go out of my way and try to give her what she needs, which is, what was yours?

Quality time. Okay. All right. So, wait. Go ahead. I want to add something like okay. Okay, okay. I am just reflecting on there have been a lot of times within our relationship,

dating and marriage, where you guys know that within our relationship, transparency is like the biggest thing. You have to talk about how you feel and you have to talk about where you're at in life and just being open and honest about your feelings um there have been a lot of like times where we have been frustrated with each other arguing with each other and it comes down to the sole like issue being i don't feel loved right now and i think within this love languages the root of that problem is it's not because your significant other doesn't love you and isn't showing you that they love you it's because through time and just fall back, I or Andrew have failed to show each other love in the way that

the other person receives it. So within our arguments, a lot of times it'll come down to, I just don't feel loved right now. And it's like, oh, well, I've been doing this, this, this, this, and this. And it causes more arguments. Instead of listening to that and being like, oh, well, you're trying to show me. I'm just not receiving it. Yeah. It takes a lot of maturity, really.

It does. It's a lot, but it's great. Yeah, yeah. So this is important. We're going to rehash some of this because we came up with some tangible examples. Yes. That we could talk about. But it's important to know your love language and your spouses or whoever you're in a relationship with love language so that you could show love to your partner in a way that resonates with them.

So first example that Shaanick came up with was maybe you love giving gifts. Yes. And you come home with flowers. For me, every single day. Yes. I used to give you apples every time you used to fly in. I know. And I picked you up from the airport.

But maybe gifts is not my love language. And maybe all I need to hear is I love you every single day. That could be a potential rift that's caused. I actually think we wrote that completely reversed, but it works. You're saying you need to hear you love, I love you every day? Yes. I think the way we intended that was you come home every day with fly. flowers for me.

Okay. And it's really sweet, but I would rather, I love them. I love them. But I would, like, I would rather you come home and be like, baby, I love you. That just, like, warms my soul. Okay. The tough part about that, is this is a whole side subject. There's no tangible thing, because then maybe I do something stupid.

And then you forget that I say, I love you, and then you're like, I don't know. Sometimes it feels like I'm just tossing words into a black hole of like, I love you. I'm sorry. But, you know what I'm saying? But do you remember what mine is, though? Because mine isn't even works. Quality time. Yeah.

Today's episode. Let's go down that rabbit hole real quick. A lot of reflection should be taken when you're talking about what your love language is. For me, I think it has to do with my career in gymnastics and kind of the world that I grew up in. As far as, like, media and entertainment, so many people had so many empty words. it was always like oh you're so good on this and you deserve that and it was just filled with words but actions really weren't there especially within the media realm things were so fabricated that people would say things and then go write an article and it would be completely different

but you told me that you were impressed or respected or whatever it was my performance was and then they would write some really critical article and so for me words really don't resonate because I've learned over time almost not to trust them. So for me, I know quality time. It's like whatever you're going to take time out of your day to sit down and have a conversation with me shows me you love me. That's why we have our coffee time in the morning, Bev time at night. Yes. Trying to cover all the bases here. The second example, we'll just do this because we wrote it down. Maybe you love doing chores around the house that I hate doing. Yep. And you do them to show affection but maybe I just want you to spend time with me you know in that scenario

I wouldn't feel loved because you're not giving me what what I need I know but the the important thing to realize about the love languages is that it's not just for marriage it's not just for romantic relationships this pertains to your family members your friends work relationships everybody kind of operates with these different love languages and how you feel or give love across all these different relationships is valuable to know. So just communicate your needs. And to relate that on a different level in case it's not quite clicking is kind of like remember back in school or remember when you played high school football. So many students and so many athletes have to be coached or taught differently.

Maybe you're a visual learner. Maybe you can memorize anything that you see, but you can't memorize something that you hear or it's switched. It's the same thing within relationships with anybody. Everybody goes about a relationship differently, and you have to learn how it is they quote unquote learn. And if you can do that, you can, without fail, show each other so much love

and feel so loved that it just makes your relationship even better. And I actually, we kind of misspoke on this earlier. We didn't clarify this. Love languages is not the Enigram. It's not like a personality test. It is not ingrained in you. You can learn and be flexible with your love language. And the author, Gary Chapman, does make very clear that we're not supposed to demand

you love me in the way that I need. Yeah. It's me learning to love. you in the way that you need. It's a me adapting to you and it's not like which I think is pertinent to the definition of love how I view it which is the willingness to sacrifice. It's like okay I am going to sacrifice. I'm going to make the sacrifice to learn how you need to be loved not expect you to love me or be loved in the way that I want to give it. So there's that. A lot of you guys might be asking how do you find out your love language? There is actually like a test online that

you can take kind of like the anagram but it's just going to ask like your preferences and rate this from one to five and at the end it'll say you're most likely the type of person to receive love this way and to give love this way and it's a great thing for couples to do with each other because it just it like you said it takes one more step towards like understanding each other yeah and again our natural inclinations for how we give and receive love a lot of times points back to our childhood and how we were shown or not shown love and you know that yeah it can be both how your parents loved you, but also maybe what you were deprived of. So, yeah, let's, let's dive into it.

I want to talk through each of the five love languages. Yes. And I want you to tell, like us to tell each other why we do or do not, like, resonate with that love language. Okay. Kind of like I was saying with words of affirmation. Yes. And on the point of realizing what you are, we will link the test.

Yeah. In the episode so you can take that. But we're going to kind of give the overview of what each of them are right now. So the first one we'll talk about is words of affirmation. People with words of affirmation as a love language value verbal acknowledgments of affection, including frequent I love yous, compliments, words of appreciation, verbal encouragement, and often frequent digital communication, like texting and social media.

Do you remember when we first started dating? I'm really happy words of affirmation are not my thing. Because when we first started dating, Andrew straight up said to me, I am not a texter. I'm not going to text you throughout the day. I am not. And we were long distance at the time and I was like, what? And he's like, I would much rather at the end of each day have a phone call

where I'm excited to tell you about my day instead of just rehashing all the little misinterpreted text and words that I've texted throughout the day. It feels like the opposite of a health relationship for me to just be glued to giving you minute by minute updates on what's happening. I resented that. And that was, I think, why you and I worked out. out was because in all my previous relationships, that's kind of the pattern or habit I fell into. But with you, I was like, you know what? With Sean, I'm going to go big or go bust with you

and just communicate right out the gate that, hey, this is who I am and this is, these are my expectations. And it worked for us. For a lot of people, they need words of affirmation and they need texting throughout the day and they need that like connection. But for us, I think because our lives have been so busy from the day we started dating, we needed that space for me, other and we needed that like quality time or whatever it may be afterwards all right so if the following things resonate with you you might you might have this love language do you really like hearing your partner say i love you is this meaningful and reassuring for you to hear that's one of them do you appreciate being acknowledged or praised it's nice to have your efforts recognized bonus points

if it's unexpected or out of the blue third details are important to you uh you love when someone notices that you change your hair or put in some effort and getting ready when someone pays attention to the details you feel seen or for if you do something nice for your partner it's really important that they acknowledge it and thank you that one i resonate with and then the third one i don't yeah which is i don't need you to like personal character i don't need you to say oh i like your hair today i also So I have a very hard time with compliments. I don't know why. That's probably a issue I should work on.

But yeah, words. Words just, I think I've been numb to. Yeah. But to kind of sum that up, it says, if your partner's primary love language is words of affirmation, choose your words wisely. I think that's really important to remember. You want to err on the side of positivity.

When you notice good things, say them and say them often. Yes. Those are some good high level takeaways there. All right. The second love language we'll talk about is quality time. 8.8. Just the worst. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. All right. So people whose love language is quality time feel the most adored when their partner actively wants to spend time with them and is always down to hang out. They particularly love when active listening, eye contact, and full presence are prioritized hallmarks in the relationship. They crave undivided attention, absent of phones, or other distractions. I resonate with a lot of that. Me too. A lot of that. I think we live in such a busy world and busy society that's so glued to distractions.

And I mean that, like, glued to distraction. Like, all they want is to be distracted by their phone or a screen or someone else or an activity, that it's really hard for me to notice when I'm worth. sacrificing that for and so when you are like oh i would rather sit down and have a conversation with you then be on my phone or texting friends or watching a tv show that to me just oozes love baby i i'm big on quality time in as far as it's compartmentalize so meaning this you know i get frustrated when i'm working yes and you're gonna rub me yes and you're trying to have quality time right in the middle of my workday.

Yeah, but I need it right then, I'm there. I appreciate quality work time. I appreciate quality play time. I appreciate quality love time, conversation time. So all of, like, that's how I view it. I'm aware. And I think it, yeah. So if the following things resonate with you,

this might be your primary love language. Do you enjoy spending uninterrupted time with your partner? It is important to you that it's undivided attention, by the way. it's meaningful when they make time for you prioritize you and don't cancel plants freaking wow you know you know i'm about that i know you know i'm about that i know canceling commitment but that's almost a different issue you want to bring up our first anniversary right now what happened oh when i surprised you but before you surprised me i told you i wasn't going to i told you i was going to cancel but then i the whole thing was i was surprising you i know but i didn't

know that at the time. So our first anniversary, I was working in Miami shooting adventure capitalists. And it was our first anniversary. And Andrew, we had these plans where he was going to fly out and spend the day with me. And he called and canceled plans. And I remember I called him. It was like the worst take at a surprise ever. And I remember I called him and I confronted him. And I was like, this really hurt my feelings. You're crying. I should show you that video. I was also like really lonely. And I really missed you. Yeah. And I was just like, yeah, you made plans to prioritize us and you canceled it.

Meanwhile, the entire time, he's planning a surprise, which is weird, considering you're planning on coming out, so you wanted to cancel it only then to surprise me. So dumb. Yeah. Not my best. You love sharing new experiences with your partner and making memories is a third indication that quality time might be. I think that's like our favorite thing to do.

number four is time is precious to you and it's meaningful that you soak up all of your time together that's me every waking second baby fifth you feel content just to be with your partner even if you aren't really doing anything see this is why i like to watch netflix shows with you you're like this isn't quality time it is it does not count it is because i could i could be there or not be there it does not matter but if you're actively watching the show with me and not on your phone then it's quality time debatable i'm curious to know your thoughts listening how do you feel about that is netflix is anything involving netflix an attempt at love i don't know i feel on the fence about that if any of this resonates with you if your partner loves quality time be intentional with your time

even if it's just for a walk and leave the phones at home third love language is acts of service this is you baby if your love language is acts of service you value when you're your partner goes out of their way to make your life easier. It's things like bringing you soup when you're sick, making your coffee for you in the morning, or picking up your dry cleaning for you when you've had a busy day at work. Live by the saying, actions speak louder than words. I resonate with that. Really?

I feel like you've kind of morphed into this lately. As we've grown into parenting, there's so many things to do. Yes. Where it's like just checking some boxes off. So that I feel like, I feel like I'm big on access service so that we can have quality time. I don't need you to freaking like repaint the room, but I need you to do something. I'll do that all day. I know you will.

Freaking know you will. Let's talk about some things that if you resonate with, access service might be your love language. Do you feel taking care of when your partner shares responsibilities around the house? Which is my gosh, such a complicated thing. It's such a human fault that whenever I take out the trash, the thought that I always have or that I'm always prone to have is, what the frick? I'm the only one that ever takes out the trash. Why does Sean never take out the trash?

When in reality. That is not true. I know that. I know that. I just feel like it's such, with chores, it's so easy to fall into that mindset of, I'm the only one that ever does this. Just like you saying the other day, oh, it feels like every Sunday our trash can fills up. when it's like just a random pattern that you have noticed

where like the trash game fills up five of the other days the week two are you following what I'm saying yes it's easier to pick out the fault and the negativity and they're like yes as opposed to you know what Sean probably took the trash out four times this week already it's easier to be selfish and to say I'm doing everything and he's not doing anything or she's not doing anything when in reality you all are doing a lot, you just have to recognize it. Yes.

Going back to if these resonate with you, does it resonate to you if it says it means a lot when they follow through on something or when they step in to help with something, it means they are paying attention. Third, for you, talk is cheap, actions are everything.

You need someone who can follow through. Preach. That's a huge thing for you. I know. Number four, when you're feeling stressed, you would love for your partner to step in and take something off your plate.

Even if it's small, it will mean a lot to you. Hey, I'm gonna just throw this in there. This is a sidebar, personal sidebar. We can work out later. This is you, but you also have to allow me to take stuff off the plate for you. For like work, I'm not good at that. Not at all.

Yeah. You just like to like bottle up and you're like, I'm so frustrated and overwhelmed. And I'm like, give me something to do. And you're like, no. I will just publicly admit, I'm not great at communicating or delegating tasks.

So I could work at that. All right, if your partner values acts of service, this doesn't always need to be about chores. People have different interpretations. So just go ahead and ask what they need, which I think is just a good route to take with all of these. It's like, have a conversation. Yes.

Hey, I listened to this episode with Sean and Andrew. They were talking about five love languages. Let's talk through them. Think about which ones we are. And that way, just like, it's an open discussion. You have the, the conversation is begun. The fourth love language is gifts. Yes, you feel loved when people give you visual symbols of love, as Chapman calls it.

It's not about the monetary value, but the symbolic thought behind the item. People with this style recognize and value the gift giving process, the careful reflection, the deliberate choosing of the object to represent the relationship, and the emotional benefits from receiving the present. There's one quote I thought that was really good regarding this. People whose love language is receiving gifts enjoy being gifted something that is both physical and meaningful. The key is to give meaningful things that matter to your partner and reflect their values, not necessarily yours. Yes.

So this might be your primary love language if you feel loved when you receive a gift. Not always about what it is, but the thought behind it. The gift reminds you that they were thinking of you, which fills you up. It doesn't feel like me right now. That doesn't feel like you? No. I was just thinking a lot of these overlap too. So like me having apples for you when you come back from the airport is kind of an access service.

It's kind of a gift. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So realize that these can overlap. Second thing that you might resonate with if this is yours is after a date or trip, you like to take a momental home with you to remind you of the sentimental momental. I'm about that.

Yeah. I'm about that moment, that life. I'm about that life. Well, I'm trying to actually be more of a minimalist. So I got a long way to go. Yeah. Not a minimalist, more of one. Okay.

Number three, the more meaningful, the better. Surprise gifts are the best. Sean is, side note, terrible at giving surprises. I just get too excited. I know. It's like, it'll be the day of. She'll have worked four months to freaking make the surprise. she'll blow it because she's so excited the day off.

It's got to be kind of cute, though. Well, your smile is, that smile right there. Because I just get so excited. That smile is cute. I will say, I grew up having, like, my mom is the master of gifts. For every holiday, for a surprise, for any type of milestone. She mastered the art of, like, the coolest card. And when I lost my teeth, fairies would leave.

berry dust in like a little pot of gold or like whatever like she'd mastered that so i don't know if that's how i receive love anymore but i do fall back on that's how i give love you're good at you do give thoughtful gifts uh and lastly usually treasure nostalgic items and thrive on the thoughtfulness of a gift so if your partner values gifts mark mark all the special occasions on the calendar is one thing you could do and be prepared for all of those events with a special gift. I actually gift giving is my new hobby. We were just talking about this last night. I feel like there's so many moments where you're just watching Netflix on the couch or

scrolling through social media. And I was like, you know, it would be a way better time as if instead of freaking spending time on Zillow or on social media, let's shop for gifts for other people. So much more fun. It is. So I'm trying to be a better gift giver because I think I think it's a, fun kind of I also know I also know this guy John Rulin yeah who wrote a book called giftology okay just talks about the importance of it it's memorable people appreciate it I mean

it could be it's just important gift giving you so I'm trying to get better at it let's talk about the last one babe physical touch yes we did a whole episode on intimacy yes and our thoughts on it and physical touch kind of relates to that so it says people with physical touch as their love language feel loved when they receive physical signs of affection, including kissing, holding hands, cuddling on the couch, and sex. Physical intimacy and touch can be incredibly affirming and serve as a powerful emotional connector for people who have this love language. The roots go back to your childhood. Some people only feel deeply connected or only feel deep a connection and love by their parents when they are held, kissed, or touched. I don't really feel this. I think, I think,

I think I show this through aggressive, like wrestling. Yeah, you do. I think that's how maybe as the middle of five kids with three brothers, that's how I went down to my house was like a lot of wrestling. I was like, oh, this is kind of quality time. But it's also like, you know, it's like almost a form of love. So that's how I give it. So I'll like smack Sean's booty or tackler.

Yeah. And that's how I'm expressing my love for you. I will say for me with physical touch, this is like a 50-50 on I love physical touch when it comes to like holding hands and almost like public display of affection you do like that I do because that was one of Sean's biggest misgivings with us early in our relationship is I did not show a PDA ever and for me I think it was an insecurity of the Olympics and kind of like the name that was attached to me I wanted someone to feel proud and to not care what people thought and want to show the world

that like, I was theirs. First of all, there's so many, there's so many layers behind what you just said. I know. By the way. So many. There's so many. The fact that, well, we could talk about this later. If your partner values physical touch or indications that you might, you might look forward

to hugs, cuddles, and kissing. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Number two, you feel grounded. in a relationship when physical affection is cultivated often. Holding hands, long embraces, kisses are common. Third, you like PDA, per Sean's note.

It helps you feel wanted and desired. Exactly. Okay. And number four, if your partner is sitting next to you, the closer the better. So little things that can help. Just doing small things like grabbing your partner's arm or watching a movie or initiating an embrace or one thing I love that we do is like hold hands when we fall asleep. I know.

We used to cuddle and then Sean got pregnant and now that's just uncomfortable all around, I feel like. So that was the fifth of the five love languages. Yes. And I feel like that was helpful for me. Same. And I feel like the big takeaway for a lot of people is, oh, I relate to that and I resonate with this one, this one on this one. But say gifts just aren't my thing.

I think that's really important to tell your significant other. That if there's one you just really don't resonate with, tell them so that they don't spend all day, every day going to buy you gifts when that's truly not something you care about. It is worth noting that the author, Gary Chapman, analyzed the results of 10,000 people who took his online quiz in 2010 and found words of affirmation was the most popular language, but by a thin margin. And in 2018, Hinge, the dating app, did a survey and found that the most common love

language was quality time by a long shot. Can I give like a philosophical thought? Go ahead. Can I give a philosophical thought? Yeah, I got one too. I feel like in 2010, we weren't in the boom of social media. So words were underused. Now they're overused.

Or we're always receiving affirmation in the form of likes or, you know, whatever comments. But we don't get quality time anymore. Preach. Yeah. That was kind of my thought too. That was wise. Interesting stuff.

Interesting. We felt like that was an important episode to do. If you have any other books or concepts in the realm of marriage or relationships, please share them with us. Enigram might be, did we do one on anygrams? I think that was another one that ended an argument that we started. I don't remember. That was a really, was that a cough right there?

It felt like you had something brewing in there. Yeah. But please share them with us. our couple things YouTube channel does have comments unlike our main channel so go ahead and share them there and that's all we have for you

please subscribe to this show give it a rating if you haven't yet thank you so much for sharing the last what was it 40 minutes or so with us and we will see you next week have a wonderful day goodbye this is fam out Thank you.