Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 64 Walking Through an Addiction with Your Partner

Starting point is 00:00:00 I think the most important thing you can do is try to understand. It was a very scary time for me to say, Andrew, like, you might think I'm this confident person, but I am not. What's up, everybody? Welcome back to Couple Things. What's Sean and Andrew? A podcast all about couples. And the things they go through. Today is our first episode.

Starting point is 00:00:30 episode of May. That's right. And you know what's special about May, babe? Mental Health Awareness Month. Yes. And it was such an important topic that we thought we'd devote the next several episodes, including today's, to mental health. Yes.

Starting point is 00:00:45 And discussions around that. We'll have a couple interviews, but today it's just Sean and I sitting down talking. Mostly about you. Yeah. One of the reasons why we thought this was so important is because within relationships, your mental health kind of drives your entire relationship. And I think when it comes to having a successful relationship, you have to know how to kind of navigate your way through mental health.

Starting point is 00:01:11 Yes. And not that we have learned it, done it, and mastered it by any means, but we've gone through a lot of like mental health things within our relationship. So we thought we would share. Yeah. And we just wanted to share from personal experience how our struggles and triumphs with mental health have affected our relationships. I'm going to reiterate, we are not counselors.

Starting point is 00:01:31 We are not therapists. We will include resources for those things down below. But today we just want to share our stories. Maybe you connect with them. Maybe you don't. But hope it helps. Yes. And before we get started, for anybody who is affected by mental health.

Starting point is 00:01:47 And I'm talking, you have either anxiety or you have something on the opposite end of the spectrum, nothing is wrong with you. You can be loved. You are loved. And it's all okay. Yeah. It's okay. As Sean alluded to, though, we're going to be talking about mostly your experience.

Starting point is 00:02:06 We might do another episode about my experience of mental health. But it has been so interesting. I just want to start off by saying, when I have seen Sean at her worst with mental health, it seems like you're just so hyper-focused on a small thing and a small aspect in the relationship that it affects your perspective generally and really has some negative ramifications. Yes. But we'll get into all the details about that. Before we get started, if you haven't subscribed to the show or giving it a rating,

Starting point is 00:02:39 please do so on whatever platform. We appreciate you doing that and it really helps us out. Yes. So let me give you the recap real quick. Make a lifelong story, you know, summed up in two minutes. During the Olympics, during my gymnastics career, I obsessed over this concept of perfection. And within gymnastics, all you do is obsess each and every day on getting a perfect 10. Whatever it takes, whatever you need to get there.

Starting point is 00:03:10 Within gymnastics, gymnastics is subjective within their scoring. So based on how you look, how you smile, how you act, how you talk, and how you perform. It's how a judge can actually critique you. That turned into a very unhealthy lifestyle for myself where I thought I needed to look a certain way, act a certain way and be a different person than I was in order to win. It got me through the Olympics. I did very well. I definitely had an eating disorder at the Olympics, but not to a very, very unhealthy extent. My eating disorder and kind of addiction came after the Olympics when I no longer had that foundation of gymnastics to kind of put. put my obsession into, so I had to look for other places. And when I got thrown into dancing with the stars and kind of the limelight, it opened me up to a lot more criticism that wasn't

Starting point is 00:04:02 performance-based. It was just based off of who I was and how TMZ caught a picture of me. And I spiraled and went through very long years of just trouble with mental health and depression and identity and I kind of my outlet for all of that was in trying to control my eating so I would take every supplement known to mankind I became very addicted to adderol I took aphedron and very unhealthy doses I tried every fat diet I tried not eating I tried all of it and ended up fast forwarding I met my therapist and nutritionist in 2012, 2011. She changed my life. She truly brought me out of that kind of hole that I was in, step by step, day after day, year after year.

Starting point is 00:04:59 I still talk to her every once in a while. And I will never forget the first phone call I ever had with her, or not the first phone call, but I will never forget the phone call I had with her where I told her I was pregnant. this is with and I's first pregnancy that we ended up losing but I remember telling her and she was so ecstatic and she said Sean tell me what like what's your biggest fear I said my biggest fear is that I won't eat enough for our baby and I remember she just started crying on the phone and she's like if only I could have recorded this and sent it back in time like 10 years earlier and had you listen to it you would have it would have shocked you but to wrap all that up going into a

Starting point is 00:05:40 relationship with that, I had a lot of emotional baggage and a lot of insecurities that I didn't know how a future spouse or someone I dated would be able to kind of sift through or sort through or deal with. And with Andrew, I don't even remember, like, the first time it was that I brought it up to you, but I remember when we started dating, I was still in a very, very unhealthy place in life where to try to describe an eating disorder, and Andrew and I have had many, many, many, many conversations about this where I try to explain it. For me, an eating disorder was basically every thought I had in a day. And I'm not exaggerating.

Starting point is 00:06:22 Every thought was around what I ate, how I look, and how it would affect how people perceived me and what they thought of me. And when that went into dating, almost every thought I had at the beginning was, what does he think about my outfit? Does he think I'm thin enough? Does he think I'm muscular enough? Is he judging me that I'm eating a salad or a burger? Or does he notice that I'm hiding ice cream in the back of his refrigerator and binging and purging? Is he like noticing these things? And it just consumed my every being.

Starting point is 00:07:00 And do you remember the first time I brought up to you? Because I don't know. I don't. It took a while. It did take a while for, I feel like, you to. feel comfortable admitting maybe even to yourself yeah that it was that bad a problem and then also to me i do want to say that i'm proud of you and i know that it's been a struggle and one that i can't fully relate to or understand but even though that's the case even though i won't ever have a full

Starting point is 00:07:29 perspective on your battles and struggles with it and how far you've truly come i'm thankful that you have put in the time and effort and reached out of to people put yourself probably in an uncomfortable place probably experienced some degree of shame in doing so but you being honest with yourself and seeking to improve an area that you know needs to be improved makes me love you even more so thank you baby i love being able to reflect back and see how far you've come as far as the issue at hand though i just thought of this and this was not in our notes. But it made me think of our first date in L.A.

Starting point is 00:08:14 Do you remember? We've talked about our first date a lot. We've never really gone into the nuances of it. But essentially, I flew out and met Sean at the drop of a hat. Yes. Because she invited me to. Literally sent a midnight text, said, do you want to fly out to L.A.? And I did about eight hours later.

Starting point is 00:08:31 And we went to this place called the Grove, which is like an outdoor mall in Los Angeles. Probably went to four or five different Russian. restaurants. One was like a crepe place. One was a burger place. One was like a bar. One was yeah, it was like four or five. Anyway, it was all like in the same area. And I remember Sean, do you remember this? Was ordering me an insane amount of food. Insane amount of all the things, appetizers and entrees and like literally it was fun. It was hilarious. But I don't think I ate anything. I don't think you did either. And granted, you were on Dancing with the Star. So it's to a certain degree, but as I'm reliving that moment and like your face and looking at the food

Starting point is 00:09:16 and how like uncomfortable you were, it's so interesting to think that some of those thoughts that you were having were probably about food. Oh, for sure. One, I was probably ordering everything that I wanted to eat and watching you eat it in a very unhealthy way. And two, yeah, I was probably concerned with what you might think if I ate it, which is ridiculous. but also just part of what comes with that disorder. Yeah, it's crazy. It's weird for me to talk about these things now because I don't want to say I'm in such a healthy place

Starting point is 00:09:50 to where I don't have issues. I fully do. And I still struggle, you know, every other day with like a bad thought or something. But to sit where I am now, I feel like a completely different person than who I was back then in such a good way that I can remember.

Starting point is 00:10:09 reflect back on all of it now and see not the flaws but where I was unhealthy and it makes me sad but it also makes me very very proud of the work I've put in and we have like bullet points here for things that I want to remember to talk about but one thing that it says is like when did I decide that I needed help so when I met my therapist and nutritionist who's like the same person I ended up working with her during my comeback for gymnastics. So at the time, I didn't start working with her because I had accepted the fact that I needed help. I hadn't gotten there yet.

Starting point is 00:10:51 I started working with her because I wanted to get back in shape to compete in gymnastics. And I'd gone through so many nutritionists who, as they should, were prescribing me these diet plans, and I hate the word diet, but these programs, where I would consume so much food and just looking at these programs scared me away. And she was the first one I found that she knew I had a problem before I did. And she listened to everything I said and she's like, okay, how about we start here?

Starting point is 00:11:25 And I remember looking at her program being like, see, she gets it. Which is almost sad because at the time, I thought it was just someone who truly understood what was the right. Meaning she had you eat less food. She had me eat less food. And you were excited about that. I was very excited about it. So I was like, see, she's doing the right thing. Whereas she was acknowledging in a very quiet way that I had a problem.

Starting point is 00:11:51 And she was going to hold my hand and take the first step with me. And then year after year and month after month and day after day, we kind of worked on things. But I think I decided I needed help probably after around the time that I met Andrew. I feel like when I met you, you were the first person who ever, and I don't mean to be dramatic when I say this, but made me feel like a true human being and not just a gymnast and just an icon that people had watched once in their lifetime. Andrew and I have talked about this a lot, but for like my mental health, he didn't ask me a single question about gymnastics for two months into dating. And it almost started to get concerning where I was like, does he even know? Do you know who I am?

Starting point is 00:12:34 Do you know who I? Should I bring it up? But it was so refreshing because for the first time I thought you saw me as a human. And every date and every comment and every time you would say something, you just reassured me that you loved me and not this like image that I had tied to a caloric intake or a bite of food. Today's episode is brought to you by Care of. If you've ever. was and the rigidity and expectations and I'm not asking to go into that but it's so I'm thinking

Starting point is 00:13:09 about our episode we did on intimacy about like understanding the core person that you're in a relationship with not the accolades that's not important not the way you look not even your ambitions really to a certain extent but I think that's what saddens me about being in a relationship with Sean circa 2013 where from what you've told me it's like we would sit down for a date and my perspective is the more of Sean that the world sees the better off will all be but you couldn't even see yourself to a certain degree because you're so consumed with like if we're sitting down for a date it sounds like I would be I'm not going to say fully present but like oh my gosh let's have a conversation and you would have these layers of distractions that would

Starting point is 00:14:04 prevent you from actually being fully engaged in that conversation or that moment and it's like that's a to get a shadow of the person or just a fraction of the person is kind of the sad derivative effect of having this go on in the background of your mind you know well and I think for me too that was the byproduct of i'm not getting ready to cry i have a raspy voice i have allergies um it was the byproduct of my career which was a sacrifice worth taking i would never want my daughter to do it i was about to say you you said that one you weren't that unhealthy Do you view eating disorders as a black or white or mental health as a black or white like I'm healthy or unhealthy or is it more of a spectrum like you know I see I see black and white

Starting point is 00:15:00 So I think it's I think it's still probably Yeah An issue that I don't want to accept that I was just across the line if that makes sense Yeah I think I was unhealthy and to put any of it on a spectrum Saying oh she had it worse and she did I think that's just me trying to downplay what it was I went through which I yes people go through a lot worse things but I did struggle with a disorder and mental health and I just should paint that as black and white and you're saying you're it was worth it um if I could have gone through that whole experience

Starting point is 00:15:40 without it what I would wow this is a yeah restart that one if I could go back and go through my entire career without a mental health issue. Would I? Absolutely. But I think I'm a better parent and I think I'm a better spouse now because of what I went through. You're saying going through that process helped you understand things differently. A lot of things. I empathize with a lot of people over things that are very hard to understand. Even Andrew and I still have conversations to this day about eating disorders and mental health and there are things that are very hard for you to wrap your mind around i remember we had this conversation once where it was one of our very first like in-depth conversations like whatever question you have ask it and i'm going to go there about my eating

Starting point is 00:16:33 disorders mental health everything and i remember you saying well why don't you just stop why don't you just stop not eating why don't you just stop binging and purging why don't you just stop with hearing these voices in your head that are constantly telling you negative things. And I remember feeling so defeated and this is not, you did nothing wrong. But I remember feeling so defeated when you asked that because I wished for nothing more than to be able to just stop. And I don't even know how to explain it, but it's this so consuming whole you just dig yourself into that almost takes over your identity. It's the devil taking over your identity. It truly is. It's almost like to relate it to like our religion, the amount of time you spent in a day thinking about say God or

Starting point is 00:17:29 your faith or putting something into a positive is the amount of time I spent trying to battle negative thoughts. And that was very hard. And I wanted to turn it off. And I remember working with my therapist and every week she'd be like how are the voices doing like who's winning this week and it was just this constant slow progression of guess what like this week the good voice is won and it took so much effort but they did now it's so far and few in between that it's refreshing do you feel like part of it's genetic or is it your experience the nature nurture if you will. I don't know. I think we all have addictions. I truly do. Good or bad. Is there a good addiction? Is there such thing as a good addiction? You could be addicted to candy. You could be

Starting point is 00:18:25 addicted to water. That's not good. You could be no addiction is good. I think we all have them. So I think we're all human and we all have some are more dangerous than others. For sure. For sure. Um, so I don't know if it's genetic. I don't know. know that answer, but I think for me, gymnastics was a lot of it. And I think it's only because I was at such a young age when I was taught by the nature of our sport to obsess over perfection, to obsess over what every single judge in the world could possibly think of me, to obsess over what the national team coordinator and what doctors thought and what like that's that's where my mind lived for 20 years of my life and so transitioning straight out of that and going into a relationship

Starting point is 00:19:23 I didn't know how to not obsess over what you could potentially be thinking I do remember I think we spoke about this in one of our previous YouTube videos that there was an article that came out right around when you and I first met about Sean Johnson gained 25 pounds was like the headline which is wrong on so many levels right like but the unfortunate child fame and being put in the spotlight to whatever degree rarely ends well you know but for oh man I just honestly Honestly, just makes me more excited about how you've been able to deal with it. Mm-hmm. That whole making it through that process and the formative years, like, where your brain is still

Starting point is 00:20:08 plastic and forming the gateways or whatever, like, not that you fully conquered it, but you made it through that with headlines, like it's John Johnson Gaines 25 pounds. Mm-hmm. I remember that, I remember the Today Show doing a feature on me over Mother's Day, and it was featuring both my mom and I that I had lost 25 pounds during my gosh. come back and I was 18 years old and that is that's scarring people were celebrating me as an 18 year old that I had lost weight and it the crazy thing is it's not about oh Sean Johnson was unhealthy and now she's healthy it's literally just the number that they're focused on which then feeds into

Starting point is 00:20:50 your obsession with lowering the number on the scale because that's what people are celebrating anyway on in related news can I bring this up because I just heard this today A couple German gymnast had a competition. And instead of coming out in leotards, they came out in unitarts, full body unitarts. Great. As a statement against, you know, females being, yeah, females being judged by body type. And I said, wow, it seems like that might be a healthy step for the sport. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:21:21 I know it actually says in the code that you can wear a lit, like a unitart if you want to. And they should not deduct from that. And I think that's amazing. I think our sport has slowly made progress to celebrate athletes for truly their gift and their performance and their skills rather than what they look like. I hope it continues to go that way.

Starting point is 00:21:45 But I think that's beautiful. It should be. You don't watch skateboarding X games and be like, oh, why is he wearing those clothes? Why does he look like that? You literally watch his skills and you're like, that was insane. Gymnists are doing the same thing.

Starting point is 00:22:01 We're putting on a performance for you of some of the most difficult skills that human beings have ever attempted. And I think a judge should look at that and say, holy crap, a 16-year-old girl just did this and stuck it. They shouldn't be thinking, ah, if only she looked like a little thinner,

Starting point is 00:22:20 it might make this whole vision look better. When I heard that, I was thinking about in my sport, football, the clothing is strictly functioned. where it's like you have to wear pants that have knee, like they go below your knees for knee pads and like the pants are tight to hold in all the pads and you have the jersey that, you whatever. And if a unitar is just as functional as a leotard,

Starting point is 00:22:41 then why not? But the name of the sport technically is artistic gymnastics. It is, which is about the artistry of your performance. And within the code, which is like the rulebook, it states that a judge is judging off of the artistic representation of your performance. performance. So I'm performing 10 skills on floor. How can I make this look like a piece of art? How can I stitch together movements and dance and music? But within that, we've gotten a little lost. And I remember

Starting point is 00:23:14 being on the national team and being, it being so ingrained in me to say, oh, your hair better look like this and your makeup needs to look good. And your leotard should be tight enough to wear there's no wrinkle so a judge will think it's not fitting and I I grew up in that world of obsession that yeah I it should definitely be the other way but I don't know how you get there yeah it's kind of where society's up that's a tangent it is to reinforce well and it's cool it seems like there's some progress being made but to go back to our relationship I remember you mentioned earlier like kudos to me for being able to go through that as a child and now be kind of healed of it the question is like how did I do it and I think a lot I get that a lot

Starting point is 00:24:03 I have a lot of people message me collegiate gymnasts young girls saying I'm struggling with this how did you get to where you're at my parents were so instrumental they never skipped a step in my entire life in saying I love you for who you are do not like don't ever let someone tell you differently and I think having that consistency really helped me because I had so many opinions being thrown at me that at the end of the day I could at least listen to my parents and yeah I would I would scream at them

Starting point is 00:24:35 I'd say you don't know what you're talking about I'd be like yes I gained 30 pounds you know you can see it just read like I would I would tear them apart because I was so unhealthy but they always consistently told me what they believed which was I love you I think you are beautiful

Starting point is 00:24:53 no matter no matter what And I think another huge part of that healing process was finding you Because you were the same way I think you are truly a human that sees inside someone's soul Before you see the exterior And I felt that from day one And I was really scared But like very early on you and I

Starting point is 00:25:15 I threw it at you I was like oh my gosh I think within like our first week of dating I was like all of our followers And like the media is going to come after you Literally that was our second date at the lake I freaked out. We had a big discussion.

Starting point is 00:25:27 We did. And you were like, I don't care. And I was like, you don't understand. I was just, I was worried because I saw, maybe it's because I saw my future husband and I didn't want you to leave. But I got so freaked out. And then I don't remember the first time I brought it up, but I remember feeling the need to tell you.

Starting point is 00:25:45 I think it's because I was starting to hide my phone calls. We were spending enough time together that I had to hide my phone calls with my nutritionist. And I felt like I had to hide. I hid the Adderall from you for years. I hid the substances from you for years. I hid the obsessions. And I, you know, I tried to hide it all. And when our relationship got serious, I felt like you should know.

Starting point is 00:26:10 And I don't remember how I introduced it to you. But it was a very scary time for me to say, Andrew, like, you might think I'm this confident person, but I am not. I'm trying to think of the things that a partner or friend can do to support someone who struggles with any type of mental health battle. You mentioned two things. To recap, one, the consistency of your parents' love is important. Just like they're constant reminders that they're there for you.

Starting point is 00:26:38 They probably know you're struggling and they love you regardless. They're going to love you through it. And then mentioned me, which I probably played the role of like a supportive community of people. So you have the consistency. You have the community. Is there anything else that you would add to that? I think for a partner or a spouse, I think the most important thing you can do is try to understand.

Starting point is 00:27:02 And I don't think you ever will. I don't think you're ever capable of understanding someone's mental illness fully because it goes on in someone's mind. And it's a devil and angel battle. There's no way. It's all these like negative thoughts I had made no sense. They were crazy. And they had no foundation.

Starting point is 00:27:24 to them. But I was convinced to my soul that they were true. So trying to explain that to someone who isn't going through it is crazy. Like for you to understand that fully is impossible. But I think as a spouse for you to sit there and say, explain this to me. How are you feeling? Why are you feeling this way? And don't ever tell them they're wrong, I think is the most important thing.

Starting point is 00:27:49 And another note we had a question was how was you communicating your addiction? What was that process like? And I think, yeah, it didn't happen over one conversation. It was a process. It took probably years. And probably still is continuing. So that's something to keep in mind where it's not just going to be like one heart-to-heart conversation and one night.

Starting point is 00:28:12 I think having the conversation with your spouse or partner is the same as asking for help from a therapist because you have to admit that there's something wrong. And admitting that to someone you love so much that you're afraid. you're going to scare away is terrifying. But as your spouse, we all have crap. We all have insecurities. We all have,

Starting point is 00:28:35 we all make mistakes. We're all human beings. We all have baggage. And if someone runs because of your baggage, then maybe they're not the ones for you. Because as a spouse, you have to support each other through the crap. I would argue if someone runs because your baggage is because some baggage they have,

Starting point is 00:28:54 maybe. Absolutely. Let me ask you this. Do you feel like as you've healed through that first addiction or issue, you developed in place of it another one? I think I did for years. I think you did. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:29:12 Reflecting back on it, I agree. I think I did for years. I think I transferred my obsession from gymnastics to eating disorder and eating disorder to Adderall and Adderall to maybe alcohol at a time. and then alcohol to what I looked like and what I wore. And then that to, I remember I went through a really unhealthy phase around the time we started dating with like the gym and working out and working out nine hours a day.

Starting point is 00:29:40 And I did that for a very long time until I got so tired of it that I ended up asking for more and more help from you, from a therapist, from professionals to where I could finally, over a lot of time work to not do that and I think I still feel that tendency a lot whether it's obsessing over

Starting point is 00:30:03 motherhood or parenting or the postpartum body or whatever it might be but I'm so hyper aware of it now that whenever I feel it creeping on I talk to Andrew and I say I feel insecure about this

Starting point is 00:30:19 or I feel this obsession or I feel this unhealthy trait coming on Will you help me? Today's episode is also brought to you by Butcher. We watched a documentary called The Weight of Gold about Olympic athletes and their struggle with mental health. Do you feel like it's almost a trait to, a trait of people who are elite athletes, probably in particular, maybe elite anything, that they are unbalanced and unhealthy in some sense of the word? A thousand percent. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:30:52 I think in order to be at the top of whatever it is you are, you tip the scales of a healthy balance in life and have to have an extreme mentality. To achieve something extreme. To achieve something extreme. Yeah. And I think coming back from that is very, very hard. And I think that's why you see a lot of very unhealthy former professional athletes.

Starting point is 00:31:20 Absolutely. And, I mean, former presidents of companies and CEOs and anybody who is who is at the peak of their career, that's a very hard transition to make. Do you feel like you would recommend therapy to everybody going through something like this? And if you do, or for who you recommend it for, when would you recommend them seeking help? I say this now, had I heard this back when I was 16, 17, 18, 18, 19 years old. I would have brushed it off and laughed at myself. I think everybody should go to therapy. Every single person in the world should go to therapy

Starting point is 00:31:58 or should talk to a therapist because it's just someone to see a different perspective from you. And it's just someone who's a professional who can say, maybe we're taking this a little too far. And I think if we all had that proactive person in our life, an outsider who just had their, own professional opinion, it would help a lot of people. But in regards to, like, outside of that, in regards to anybody struggling, I think if you are struggling, if in your heart you know you're

Starting point is 00:32:30 struggling, which you do, anybody who is struggling with a mental illness knows somewhere inside of them that they're having a hard time. It is the hardest thing you will ever do, but you should a thousand percent ask for help. And we will include resources to get you started on that journey down below. So check that out. And I want to reiterate with that too That doesn't mean you're weak That means you're so incredibly strong It takes such a strong person to ask for help

Starting point is 00:33:04 And to not feel like they can take on the world themselves And I think as like an athlete For me to accept the fact that I needed another coach in my life That took guts But I looked at it as a coach It was like, okay, I can't figure this out myself. I need you to direct me.

Starting point is 00:33:24 It's humbling to realize, and the older I get, the more I realize it, that the human brain is fragile. Mm-hmm. And it just takes, it can take one small thing to be the straw in the camel's back, right? The breaks the camel's back. It makes me think of in my sport football specialist is a position where it's like punters, kickers, and long snappers. I know of many stories where people of that position were professionals at it

Starting point is 00:33:56 and the best in their position for it could be 10 plus years. And then they come out one day for practice and whatever happened in one case, I remember it was divorce. I don't know about the other handful of cases. What was the thing? But all of a sudden they get like a case of the yips essentially. And they have no more confidence. and it applies like that concept of it could just be one little thing

Starting point is 00:34:22 that pushes you over the edge to unhealthiness. I think that's why therapy is a good idea. We're not like freaking, we're not even really that way. No. But it's more of a realization like you said of us getting coaching and understanding that it's important to be proactive about. Well, and it's just constant self-reflection.

Starting point is 00:34:45 And I remember too, I think we, should see a therapist because we're talking about this and I think I should continue to see a therapist which I talk to mine every once in a while but probably not enough um but I remember when we got pregnant with Drew and we got close to like time to have her I sat Andrew down and I was like I have to be honest with you I am terrified of postpartum depression having gone through an eating disorder having gone through the mental illness having gone through depression before I'm terrified this is going to happened to me. So if I say, I don't even remember what the list was, but I like wrote out a list for him. If I'm saying these things, if I'm acting this way, if I'm seeming standoffish, any of it. I was

Starting point is 00:35:32 like, I need you to tell me to call a therapist. Like, I need you to help me because I don't want to get back to where I was years ago. And I think just having those kind of boundaries within your life are really, really helpful. Can I tell you this? Yes. And those listening to, part of the healing process is knowing what your identity is and who you are. And I want to tell you that you are loved, that you are special, that you have a purpose, that you're the son or daughter of the king of universe honestly the creator whatever that is to you and you're here for a reason you're accepted there are people out there who love you there's a community out there who can help you and there are ways to get help so whatever i think that's important to say that just like we talk about in

Starting point is 00:36:31 arguments as a couple the end the end goal and the end result is always that we are standing there together married still as you go through this journey i want that to be what you think of that you are loved that you have a purpose that you're good enough and that you're the son or daughter of a of the creator and that equips you with everything you need i feel like it might take you a while to realize that but there's a certain amount of confidence that you're able to glean from that though the more you understand that the better off you'll equip yourself i think i agree so i love you babe i love you baby thank you for talking about that i know that was yeah no i it's not hard anymore because i am at a good point in my life it's only hard for me because it makes me sad to think about

Starting point is 00:37:32 myself as a kid who is so consumed by it and hopefully this helps one person out there not have to go through that or heal from it that makes that makes it worth it well do you have anything else no sir thank you for your time thank you for listening i hope that these stories in this conversation was healing or enjoyable or important to you in some way that's our goal with it and again we want to include you and equip you with whatever resources we're able to you could see those down below and we'd love to hear feedback on this so please subscribe to this show and give it a rating a comment where you can and that's all we have babe i love you i love you i'm andrew i'm john we're the east fam out

Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 64 Walking Through an Addiction with Your Partner

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