Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 74 The One About Intimacy (round 2)

Episode Date: July 14, 2021

This week on Couple Things, we followed up with one of our most requested episodes, The One About Intimacy! You guys loved the first one so much, we decided to dive deeper with some questions submitted by you! ANDD....WE ARE GOING ON TOUR!! Check out the link below to see if we are coming to a city near you in 2022! Click here to get your tickets now ▶ https://www.couplethingspod.com/ We are sponsored by these companies that we love. Check them out below:  Best Fiends ▶ Download the 5 star rated puzzle game, Best Fiends today on the App Store or Google play! Athletic Greens ▶ Simply visit athleticgreens.com/EASTFAM and get your FREE year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs today! If you haven’t yet, please rate Couple Things and subscribe to hear more. Follow us on Instagram to keep the conversation going at https://www.instagram.com/couplething... SLINGTV ▶ Take control of your TV experience today and get your first month for just $10 by going to SlingTV.com/EASTFAM And if you have suggestions/recommendations for the show, send us your ideas in a video format – we might just choose yours! Email us at [e-mail]. Subscribe for more! http://bit.ly/3rnOdNo Follow My Instagram ▶ http://www.instagram.com/ShawnJohnson Like the Facebook page! ▶ http://www.facebook.com/ShawnJohnson Follow My Twitter ▶ http://www.twitter.com/ShawnJohnson Snapchat! ▶ @ShawneyJ Follow AndrewsTwitter ▶ http://www.twitter.com/AndrewDEast Follow My Instagram ▶ http://www.instagram.com/AndrewDEast Like the Facebook page! ▶ http://www.facebook.com/AndrewDEast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

And sex should not be the only way you show or are able to feel love. If that is how you feel and if that is the only way you feel like you can show it, I think self-reflection on connection and conversation and communication and other intimacy ways are definitely needed. What is up, everybody? Welcome back to a couple things. What's Sean and Andrew? A podcast all about couples. And the things they go through. Today we have a very much requested part two of intimacy because you guys couldn't get enough of it from the first one.

Yeah, we're excited to address some questions from the previous episode and also breach some new topics here. Yeah. Thank you for all the participation. We had hundreds of the comments. Speaking about intimacy, babe, I have not shared this before, but it's a thing for me to not wear shorts when we record these episodes. I'm like self-con. For some reason, it's a weird thing. Wait, is that about intimacy?

It feels, that's why I don't like wearing shorts because it feels intimate to have my just legs sitting there. Anyway. Interesting. Okay. In a different sense. Oh, really? Yeah.

We should work on that. Okay, but thank you. Okay. Comment of the day. Yes. Okay, comment of the day is actually from the previous intimacy episode that we did, and we'll link that here as well. But it's from Katie Gilliam.

She says, you both hit it on the nail in the classiest way every episode. so relatable and always inform on topics that I have so many thoughts about. Thank you, Katie. I'm glad we could, I don't know, resonate with your opinions. Yeah. Also, Brittany says that she loves what you said about sex, how it's not a relationship. It's only a small part of it. Yes.

Yes. So anyway, thank you, Brittany and Katie for that. A reminder about that too, something that I feel very, very strongly about is sex should not be the only way you show or are able to feel love. If that is how you feel and if that is the only way you feel like you can show it, I think self-reflection on connection and conversation and communication and other intimacy ways are definitely needed. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's good. So before we jump into the second part of intimacy, if you haven't subscribed to this show or given a rating, please do so.

We love this community that we've built. We're thankful for all your input and how you've supported us. So just go ahead and just do it. Yeah. Just do it. Are you ready for this, though? I am. Okay, quick reminder, we are not family counselors or therapists of any sort.

So these are just our opinions that we're trying to share our story and experiences from. And we are always open to learning. So please put in the comments any opinions, any thoughts, any thing you disagree with. Like, we would love that. We truly view it as a conversation. Yes. And if you have that same perspective, then we'd love to hear what you have to say. So, are you ready?

InMC, part two. Here is where we're going to start because this is, been requested. Okay. Pregnancy, intimacy and postpartum intimacy. That doesn't even exist. Is that like an oxymoron? I will say.

Intimacy while pregnant. This isn't a. I will say without getting into like too many details, which again, with our first episode, we made it very clear that we don't want to talk in too in depth into the details of our, like our intimacy. Yeah, we're not trying to talk about sex in like a clickbait way. We actually want to talk about it in a, yeah, just like a helpful way. Yeah.

Help. Yeah. But I will say that was, it's something that we struggle with with pregnancy and postpartum, me in particular, I don't want to put words in your mouth and say you struggle with it, but I struggle with it a lot just because pregnancy, which we've done episodes on this before, to me, takes away a lot of your identity and a lot of, I don't know, your body's just not yours anymore. It's not, it's not mine. It's my babies. It's being hijacked. It's completely hijacked. And I have a really hard time being.

intimate while pregnant just because I feel uncomfortable and I feel not myself and it's hard to feel sexy and intimate and I am dealing with hormones and by the time I get in the mood, the baby starts kicking you and kicking me and it's just like this is weird and I feel like I have a very hard time being intimate while pregnant and during postpartum just because there's so many. Reading, playing, learning. Stellist lenses do more than just correct your child's vision. They slow down the progression of myopia. So your child can continue to discover all the world has to offer through their own eyes. Light the path to a brighter future with stellist lenses for myopia control. Learn more at SLOR.com. And ask your family eye care professional for SLOR Stellas lenses at your child's

next visit. hormones going on let's take a step back because you're actually talking about a broader subject I feel like to summarize the first episode we defined emmacy as this deep connection of actually being able to know the essence and core of somebody and what you're talking about is the physical side of things but also we've had plenty of conversations about how pregnancy for you is an isolating experience yes and so before we even get to the physical side I feel like I feel like if you're going to, you know, talk about the phases of how you get from being in a relationship to, like, physical intimacy, one huge step to get there is, like, emotional intimacy.

That's a first step. And I feel like you struggle even getting to that point while you're pregnant. Absolutely. Just because I feel so consumed by the pregnancy and by anxiety and fear and worry of what's going on with the pregnancy. And I feel, I just feel hijacked. And not in a bad way. It is such a beautiful thing and I wouldn't change it for the world, but I do have a hard time feeling like me where I can connect with you on an emotional, on a physical, on, you know, any level it is in an intimate way because I feel so consumed by something else. I feel almost like preoccupied. You know, when you ever sit down at the dinner table with your spouse and he or she you might be on their phone and you just feel disconnected.

That's what I feel like my entire pregnancy. I just feel disconnected and it makes it hard to feel like I'm really connected with you. And I think that in itself poses so many challenges when you're trying to, you know, bridge the gap of physical intimacy or emotional or whatever it might be. That makes me sad, babe. Don't make it. I've never heard you say it like that. No, I mean, it is.

Well, it's just so it's such a. phase and I feel like everybody deals with it differently and some people don't deal with that at all and they feel so connected with pregnancy. I am just not one of those and Andrew and I had this conversation with our intimacy when I got pregnant this time around because I felt very conflicted emotionally because on one hand I was so excited to be pregnant again and to be talking about having a second baby and growing our family and on the other hand andrew and i had just gotten to a point where i felt like i was completely me i felt like we were so connected on every level and we had finally gotten like our groove back in every way and as soon as i found out that's how we had another

baby and that's how we had another baby and when i got pregnant i again was so excited but part of me was like, dang, I already miss my husband because I know connecting on that level is very hard. Not to get too philosophical, but I do feel like that is a difficult part of relationships and really kind of life in general is not defining your situation by the phase that you're in, but like by the actual definition of what it is, which is our marriage. We're in a phase right now where we're taking care of babies. We're having babies. We're not, I mean, between Drew, being sick and getting teeth like we we sleep in the same bed maybe 50% of time i know i know um and then when we do we're so i like separated by pillows and yeah everything that it's not yeah

but understanding that not living in the the idea that oh gosh i just we can't be physically intimate and that's just a huge bummer that's like undermining our whole relationship it's like no if I'm defining our relationship as the purpose of growing each other and growing a family, then this is a phase that helps us achieve that goal, not like the phase that's going to end our progress towards it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, which leads to the question that people have asked, which is how do you handle the postpartum intimacy?

And I think for us, it's just navigating it one day at a time. and I remember with Drew, it was a really rough time for both of us because there's so much transition going on that you're having to deal with so many different things and connecting on even an emotional level was difficult. But month after month, week after week, it was like a challenge to both of us of let's rebuild what we have missed for so long. And so it started with date nights and it started with.

conversations and just reconnecting on levels that we hadn't really been able to in a while also it's worth noting some date nights were pretty quiet right like yeah and it was hey I am searching for any and every topic that we can talk about that like we don't get upset at each other that it does you know that I don't feel frustrated in the conversation and it's dude you got to like just freaking work you got to grind through it you got to I think it And hold on, I'm talking to myself in about a month here as we're about to have another child. I'm not talking to anybody else but myself because I know we're about to go through it again. But to a certain extent, two thoughts, to a certain extent, one, it excites me because

life does come in phases and this phase is coming to an end, which is crazy. Yeah. And we're getting ready to start a new one. And there's a light at the end of the tunnel for us as far as like reconnecting and re, you know, me not feeling hijacked. anymore. But two, I think it's, it's very normal. People don't talk about the struggles of connecting and being intimate with pregnancy and postpartum. You read all of these magazines where it's like, I have, I have the best sex in my life when I'm pregnant. It's like, that's not realistic for a lot of people. And I think just acknowledging that whatever phase you're in

is a phase, and you just work through it. Yeah. And grind through it. Yeah. And you'll get through it. intimacy is about serving the other person I feel like and that's how you unlock them being comfortable sharing their whole being with you and I feel like it's a kind of a cliche concept that you can fake it till you make it with emotions and sometimes that's needed in marriage so showing up and like serving you even if I don't freaking want to which is it's actually an interesting contradiction with our idea of transparency and that being the most important rule in our relationship we're like we're We're transparent with a caveat that it is with the other person's, you know, best interest in mind. So if I'm being transparent, it's like, I don't freaking want to help you out right now. You're being a real chotch to me. Yeah. That's not a good thing to be transparent about. Anyway, I'm rambling.

I'm kind of passionate about this, though. No, for sure. I think just like any phase in a relationship, you go through peaks and valleys. And sometimes you guys just click and things are so easy. and sometimes you don't. And I think it's when you're not vibing very well, you have to actively choose every single day that even if you're not feeling it, to be there for that person,

to show up, to serve, to love, to smile, to say, I love you, to hug, to do all of that. Because it's within that repetition that you get through a valley. Raps. And things are better again. But if you actively choose to feed into that valley and say like, oh, I don't want to show up today. And you start doing that, then things go south very quickly. There's two interviews that come to mind.

And then we could progress to the next topic. But one was an interview with Matthew Hussey, who talks about how, you know, in order to know somebody better, it's like he views it as a little experiment. And so in order to understand someone in a different way, you have to be in different situations. And I think that's how I'm going to try to view the second kid and how I've tried to view this pregnancy of inherently with discomfort or with this experiment, which brings discomfort. There's going to be some real tough things to go through. But just like Drew Holcomb said, a lot of times pain and joy go hand in hand and you can't have one without the other. So like, yeah, I mean, rehashing the fact that today is is uncomfortable tomorrow is deeper connection. Like you have to go through it to get to that next step.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. I will say this little, I don't know, tip, something that works for us is our intimacy right now is just cuddling. And it was not even that for a long time. We just, we've cuddled twice in like three weeks. I know. I'm sorry. No, it is what it is. I'm sorry.

He'd feel terrible. It's okay. I'm sorry about that. It's okay. I do love you though. I love you. Next topic. How to feel connected when you're long distance.

I think that can feed into almost being exactly like pregnancy. Everything comes in phases, acknowledging that long distance is a phase. acknowledging that the only way to be intimate is not physical, having deep conversations and do you feel like it's, uh, there's overcompensating that happens a lot of times in long distance relationships where it's, oh, I don't see you for a month. And so when we have this one weekend to spend together, we're just going to, you know, go at it. Yeah. I don't think that's a right way necessarily though. That's what we did. It's a, no. That's for sure what we did. No, was it?

Yes, it was. I guess I'm not remembering correctly. I think, I don't know if that's the wrong way to go about it, but I think it's just, I think you make the best of whatever situation you're in. So I think as long as you're not, I think you have to keep in mind the growth of the relationship. And like, if all your conversations for the month where you're apart are about how you're going to just go at it when you're together for that weekend and then all you do when you're together is go at it there's no progression like there's no growth there has to be oh we've really emotionally connected yes you can't make the entire

duration of your long distance and when you're not long distance be about one physical way to be intimate it should be you should learn how to be intimate emotionally when you're away and then you can be physically intimate and catch up for lost time when you're together all of these But this just got me thinking about phone sex. Yeah. Wow. Which I don't even know what that is, by the way. We've never done it.

No. I don't think I'm into it either. But maybe some people are. Maybe it works for them. I don't know. Yeah. I would just, again, keep the idea of growth in the relationship as a priority. So.

I will encourage, let me just say this because we live in a, day and age where everything, everything that comes across your phone is able to be retrieved by outside parties. Yeah. Let's not, let's not do anything there. Let's not send pictures. Also, I, on the idea of newties, nudies. Nooties.

The goal, like, the effect of that is not intimacy. That is, I view that as, hey, I want to see some boobies. so send me yours that's not intimate at all there's not there's no connection built there no you know what I'm saying it usually ends badly so let's just not do that it does yeah it's better probably to be on the safer side of that like yeah if you're like on the fence maybe that's your thing maybe that's your thing send nudes if that's your thing go for no no because if you don't don't send nudes It never ends well. It never ends well.

I've never met someone where that's their thing, but I'm just saying, okay, that's a possibility. But if you're on the fence, don't do it. Then let's print some pictures at home and hand deliver them to your person. Bottom line is, I don't think that that accomplishes long distance intimacy. No. It does not help there.

Okay. Better. How do we know it was time to start having babies? I've heard a lot of people say like oh you'll know and that's what they say about getting married to gosh this might be the the dark horse opinion but I just feel like yeah you get to a point where you're ready to commit that's the only thing you know is like I'm responsible enough to freaking be married and follow through with the vows I also think too you get to a point in marriage where you feel connected enough to your person that you're

you are you feel like you can take on another huge challenge that makes sense like I feel like you need to be with your person long enough whatever however much time that takes you guys it could be a month it could be 10 years kind of like talking about Matt with the talk with Matthew Cassie you have to be able to have learned enough about your spouse and figured out how to get through conflict and arguments and phases before you take on another monumental hurdle. Yeah, I mean, it's probably similar to marriage where as the individual decides they're responsible, when you're talking about babies, the couple has to be on the same page and be like,

okay, we're going to, you know, commit to being responsible for a child, and we're both on board with that for all the highs and lows that it comes with. Yeah. After large arguments or large challenges, how do you get back? the idea of makeup sex i've never fully understood i don't i'm going to disagree with you here okay no please because i think you and i do something almost equivalent to makeup sex okay which is and we've gotten better at this getting over the argument fast like when when you've gotten through the argument and you guys have gone separate ways

there's a very easy inclination to have of like I'm just going to hold on to this and I'm gonna oh I'm just gonna feel mad for a while yeah and you and I've gotten better at one of us coming to each other and being like like I'll come and I'll just like lay next to you and I'll be like this is my olive branch I'm moving on yeah or you'll come over to me and you'll hug me and just you know whatever it might be that's taking reps though too because the first couple times you do that. There's such a hurdle of pride that you have to jump, right? For sure. Not going to lie, you used to not be great at that. No, it's terrible at it. You progress a lot. I do feel we should have a counselor on here to talk about how you end an

argument. Because you and I are, and I think this is where the idea of makeup sex comes up is just how do you move from having an argument to whatever's next? You and I, for the first four years our marriage if we had an argument there had to be tears yeah and then there had to be like a hug and like i'm sorry's all around and then we'd move on yeah you know i'm saying do you remember this phase yes but and some people it's instead of the tears it's like sex i guess but i think that's i think people use make up sex as a way to regain that intimacy and connection immediately so i don't necessarily see it as a bad thing i see it i see it as people saying like okay want to get back on you know that that deepest level of connection with you but it's like

the bridge it's you know for us it was the tears was the bridge to the next phase or the next thing that we did yeah for some people that's just maybe we should try out well and when I said I've never understood it it's just never been my style yeah you know so maybe in our next phase it will be yeah how to stay friends and keep things fun we just read Today's Bible study was all about this, actually. Can I pull that up? Sure. We talked about what it was like, what it meant to be friends.

It's all about the Iron Sharpen's Iron Verse. But the mutuality of the deep counsel that friends can give is rare and something everyone needs. You got to have, let's see, true friendship is both reassuring and bracing. so his whole argument is the fact that it's like this mutually challenging relationship whereas with it's a coach it's like he challenges you as the athlete or if it's a teacher same thing they challenge you but a friend it's like this conversation of hey that bugged me you hurt my feelings there okay great and vice versa you know i was going to say i think especially with your spouse it's just keeping things lighthearted don't harbor things don't take things

too personally if you want to stay friends you want to keep things light and you want to like have fun with your spouse then you have to get over things really fast well for us one one challenge of keeping things lighthearted is the idea of this mutual conversation was tough for us when we became parents because and I feel like this is part for the course where the mom has like a very clear idea of how they want to raise the child what they want the kid to eat etc etc and so it was like not a conversation because you're like Andrew you need to do this Andrew you need to do that so working through that was was a challenge you know what nothing you know I'm saying I do I think okay I don't know how to voice it but I the only thing that's coming time line and I'm just going to talk about it is

when we did our premarital counseling we talked to lot about sex. It was a very important topic to talk about. And I remember something that our premarital counselor emphasized was you have to have open communication and be able to hear things from your spouse and not jump to a conclusion or judgment. Does that make sense? So I think as it pertains to how you stay friends and keep things fun, I think you have to be very open to criticism and challenges and really anything. And it has to be, you have to be open-minded. Does that make sense?

I think there's a lot to what you just said, actually. I got to think through it, though. Okay. And I don't have time to right now. Okay. I'm sorry. The next one. How to make adjustments.

How to make the adjustment after the honeymoon phase ends. Oof. I think going into the honeymoon phase, knowing as you're in the honeymoon phase, that that is not what marriage is. Only on the theater September 5th. Well, hold on. It's not like there's a definitive date where the honeymoon phase ends. It's like, oh, we had our one month window and now we're past that.

So what happens next? I view it, the analogy that just came to mind is like an Olympic sprinter running a 100 meter dash. Yeah. They like accelerate fast out the gates. Yeah. Just like the honeymoon phase. Yeah. And then you settle into a stride.

It's like, it's just like it's a progress of, okay, well, you know, now we go back to our jobs. But there's also so many people who have this thought of, When the honeymoon phase is over, they're like, oh, our love has died. Or I, why aren't we having sex 10 times a day or whatever it is? The focus there would then be on this, they're focusing on the sex and not the relationship. Yeah. Right. I think you have to acknowledge that at the beginning of a relationship, especially the honeymoon phase.

There's so much lust and attraction and like superficial love. Yeah. That wears off, which is a beautiful thing. and then you learn how to like you learn your groove as that will last forever which of that statement takes a long time the quote unquote learning a groove there's like but I think acknowledging that it should take a lot of time yeah it is worth noting though that both you and I neither of us have been super emphatic on the physical side of things like neither of us just like are built that way for better for worse so I'm curious I would actually be curious to talk to

someone who has a different perspective or like a different makeup in that sense to see how they go through this we value we value emotional intimacy a lot yes which not everybody like that's not the right way that's not the only way to do it that's how we do it yeah okay so the last big chunk this is going to be a big chunk of this episode okay this is one of the biggest so wait so we just those that we just address were questions from the instagram and now we're addressing topics that weren't addressed that we wanted to in the first face. It's pretty much all the same topic. Okay.

Which is saving yourself for marriage. Okay. Our thoughts on it and the whole shebang. Well, one of the questions I see here is how do you not get scared for your first time? And I think, again, when you think our perspective is like this definition of marriage is the best place to have sex. the best relationship to have sex in and you don't have to be scared when they're like this commitment you know like I don't know what what are the fears that come with the first time my thought is TV in movies have over glamorized sex so that when people go into it

they're terrified that it has to be this performance yeah that if they don't perform to this such romantic level that they fail with it and missing out with the best part yeah the best part is just learning your person and learning how to connect on such a deeper level that works for you too the goal is not to make like some flick out of it like no one's filming you no hopefully it's like the goal is like it is like this fun special uh event yeah and i also think Humor and having the ability to laugh something off in such a vulnerable place is very important. Don't go into it so serious. It's not.

Have fun. Okay. But I want to bring up something that happened recently. Okay. Bachelorette. Okay. Is this the idea of waiting before marriage? Yes.

Okay. I was watching, what was it, the second episode? Okay. With Katie as the Bachelorette. And there's a guy on there. Mike and Mike his whole like profile that the the show had edited and his whole story was basically that he was the virgin and he is 31 years old and he was saving himself storyline yeah he gets set up on this first group date where they're basically playing with sex toys and having to put

on this huge classic whatever just basic storyline there it made me really sad into that point because I felt like this show is making a mockery of someone's personal decision to wait before marriage and the as it's like playing out I was like man this is just a disaster because this is actually something that is very beautiful and he's you know very passionate about and they're making a mockery of it but then his time comes up to get on stage and basically play with sex toys and impress Katie and this is what he does. So Sean's seen this episode. She's hot live. I have not, so I'll watch it. We'll watch it together. Yeah.

Okay. We'll play it here. I'm going to grab you. Oh, okay. Okay, okay. Oh, thank you. When you have all these guys going in the polar opposite direction of where you know you're about to go, you definitely are thinking, I can handle this one of two ways.

I can run and hide. and not show who I am. I'm the bed, okay, okay. I already got chills for some reason. It's a piano. I'm going to show a side of me that, in my opinion, I think, is what love should be. I want to share where my heart's had, okay? Yeah.

To my future wife, I've always wondered what you would be like. Would you be sweet? Would you be tender? Or would you be full of fire and passion? I think it's that way. one. This in front of everybody? Would you be shy? We know you're funny. And last, what kind of mother would you be? I've always wanted you to feel so love and honored. And the best way for me to show you this is by saving myself for you. Love is hard, sometimes figuratively,

sometimes literally. Wendy's most important deal of the day has a fresh lineup. Pick any two breakfast items for $4. New four-piece French toast sticks, bacon or sausage wrap, biscuit or English muffin sandwiches, small hot coffee, and more. Limited time only at participating Wendy's Taxes Extra. But I want you to know is that I would wait another 31 years to have sex if it was what proved to you that I would sacrifice everything for you to feel loved and secure. Tearing up.

And that is why I would be the greatest thing. lover from you. Oh, it's so beautiful. Oh, my God. Thank you so much. Oh, my God. Mike acknowledged that he knows exactly who I am. I'm gonna get emotional just talking about it.

For him to choose to be here, for me, knowing who I am, how I am. Dang. That's probably what, like, hit me the most. There can only be one greatest lover. Greatest lover of all time. No. And that person is Mike. Let's go.

That's it. Dang. That's freaking deep. The dude gets it. Kudos, Mike. He gets it. So, thoughts on sex before marriage are waiting. I am not going to judge anybody, no matter what their decision is.

But I think a huge flaw in a huge. mistake we make every single day in our world is we over glamorize sex to be love and that whole contest that they were putting on was basically prove to me you're the greatest lover and they're putting such an emphasis that the only way she could possibly feel loved or find the greatest lover of all time was if they could perform with these toys and embed in such a like sexual way and what I loved about what he said was it's not about that it's about the sacrifice and it's about understanding you as a person and seeing you as a person and loving you as a person so much that we trust each other enough on such an intimate level to then go there I think is so so lost on the daily

basis and I think people jump to I'm dating you I'm physically attracted to you I think I love you let's have sex and that will solidify it and that's completely backwards like I think I think sex should be the last thing because you've gotten to know a person so well that it's it's worth it to you to go that last step and to be so vulnerable that only you two know each other on such a deep level so I I think waiting is a very very very beautiful thing. Dang, preach. But it's,

it's not even the, it's like, it's not the right question. No. Like, just like he said, it's, hey,

I know you. Like, it's about me trying to get to know you. Yes. And there is this idea that we're supposed to follow these, you know,

animal instincts that we have in whatever way, like in athletics, it's a thing of like, you know, get beast mode or whatever. And it's like, just be raw with who you are.

And I disagree with that for the most part. Like there is, you know, when I'm lifting weights, it's one thing. But having a plan, I think having a plan for what you want your life to look like and being thoughtful for how to get there like Mike was, he says, I want to have a wife. When I do this show, I want to have a wife. And to do that, it's not going to be me just like going through these motions of what the show is telling me to do, of doing the sex act, of doing it like playing with these. dolls of like doing what everybody else is doing he's being maybe maybe you're thoughtful and that

is the course that you choose but he's being thoughtful and saying that's not my course my goal is this and this is how I get there so man I I would just reiterate that I think it is so easy to be physical with someone and to feel so empty and to be like oh they're not the person when you're going about it the wrong way that's that's it's backwards you should know a person learn about a person and be so connected and so in love and it's because of that they can become physical that you will be the physicality part of it will be so much different we got to get mike on the show man i know we got to get this guy on the show i just oh my gosh i sat there and watched that And I was so mad at the show for the first 45 minutes.

I was just like, stop making a mockery of someone's personal, intimate decision. Or of sex, no, of sex, really. Because that's what they were doing with the sex, I was just like, whatever. I just think we make, like, I think we make the mistake of making it such this little thing when it should be a big thing. It's such a big, beautiful thing. And I thought he articulated it so well. Well, with that, I think we closed.

It is, realize that every choice you make puts you on a path. And think about where that path takes you as you make that choice. So, kudos to Mike. Share some really good things there, babe. I love you. I feel like, I honestly, this is, I'm saying this publicly, but to you, I love doing the show with you because we're able to have conversations. We're able to have interviews, talk with other people.

and I get to know you in a different way. And that's special to me. So maybe that's been part of the reason why I don't feel like we've been disconnected through this pregnancy is because we've maintained some degree of intimacy through doing stuff like this. So thank you. I will say, though, I am excited to build back our deeper connection that. We're going to hit it like rabbits. Okay.

Don't worry about that. All right, that's how we got. Thanks for watching. If you made it this far, please subscribe to this show. clearly did something right, I guess, but I feel like it's a weird transition. Subscribe and give it a rating. Thank you. That's all we got.

I'm Andrew. I'm Sean. We're the East fam. Out.