Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 81 Shane and Hannah Burcaw (Squirmy and Grubs)

Episode Date: September 11, 2021

This week we were joined by Shane and Hannah Burcaw, also known as "Squirmy and Grubs." They talked about how to reframe adversity, normalizing their relationship in today's society, having a sense of humor, and discussed misconceptions. We thoroghly enjoyed this special conversation and hope you guys do too! Here are a few topics that we cover: 0:00 introduction 4:13 how they met 8:37 laughing at my nightmare 11:17 reframing your adversities 12:00 the first date 16:12 misconceptions about their relationship 19:46 hannah and her family’s perspective 22:16 approaching dating with the judgments of society 23:25 why they started their YouTube channel 31:32 the mission behind their channel 32:01 upcoming book 33:34 how to talk about our differences without amplifying them 39:09 rethinking behind the word “inspiration” 44:15 helpful language to learn 47:33 honeymoon and upcoming projects 50:47 best advice you’ve been given or would give You can follow them on Instagram here ▶ https://www.instagram.com/shaneburcaw/ & https://www.instagram.com/hannahayl/ Their YouTube Channel here ▶ https://www.youtube.com/c/SquirmyandGrubs ANDD....WE ARE GOING ON TOUR!! Check out the link below to see if we are coming to a city near you in 2022! Click here to get your tickets now ▶ https://www.couplethingspod.com/ We are sponsored by these companies that we love. Check them out below: SlingTV ▶ Go to SlingTV.com/EASTFAM to sign up now and get your first month for just $10! If you haven’t yet, please rate Couple Things and subscribe to hear more. Follow us on Instagram to keep the conversation going at https://www.instagram.com/couplething... And if you have suggestions/recommendations for the show, send us your ideas in a video format – we might just choose yours! Email us at [e-mail]. Subscribe for more! http://bit.ly/3rnOdNo Follow My Instagram ▶ http://www.instagram.com/ShawnJohnson Like the Facebook page! ▶ http://www.facebook.com/ShawnJohnson Follow My Twitter ▶ http://www.twitter.com/ShawnJohnson Snapchat! ▶ @ShawneyJ Follow AndrewsTwitter ▶ http://www.twitter.com/AndrewDEast Follow My Instagram ▶ http://www.instagram.com/AndrewDEast Like the Facebook page! ▶ http://www.facebook.com/AndrewDEast Snapchat! ▶ @AndrewDEast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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and ask your family eye care professional for SLR Stellist lenses at your child's next visit. You know, one of our hopes for when people watch our videos is that they see, like you said, the essence is just that we love each other. It makes it more positive. I think there's another part of it. What's up, everybody? Welcome back to Couple Things with Sean and Andrew. A podcast all about couples. And the things they go through. Today we have Squirmie and Grubbs. That's right. Shane and Hannah Burkaw. You've probably seen them on Instagram.

I hope you've seen them on YouTube. But let me just read you their YouTube description. They say that one of us has a severe muscle wasting disease and uses a wheelchair. The other one of us doesn't. Shane has a disability that plays a huge role in their relationship. And they make content all about what their relationship is like. So they got married last September of 2020, have been dating for years. And really, their mission is to show that.

their relationship isn't that much different at the end of the day and that's what we discuss and that we all have our things that we deal with and how it relates back to your marriage and your relationship we actually were taught a new term which was interable that's right that's what they described their relationship as and they truly just they enlightened us to so many new things and perspectives that I think are really important when it comes to relationships yeah and I just want to give a reminder we've had discussions like this previously like with the an Abby interview, we come into these conversations, not instructing or not trying to shove any, you know, concept or our way of thinking down your throat or anybody else's, we're not

trying to force any of that. And so this conversation, we come in, I hope it comes off as humility because we definitely had a thing or two taught to us. We definitely made some errors in how we spoke and the terms that we used and kind of our thinking. And so we wanted to share the episode to say that, hey, you know what, that's okay. And if you do approach it with a learning attitude, I think, and you're fortunate to have someone like Shane and Hannah there to walk you through and show you the other side of, hey, you know, actually this isn't the term you want to use. You should use interabled or actually you shouldn't feel bad for us or, you know,

even necessarily get inspired by us because X, Y, and Z. So we talk about a lot of different things. Also, they're one of the funniest couples we've had on the show. So this is how they are on the YouTube channel. This is how they were with us. Like, you will be laughing in this episode. So we're excited to hear a feedback. And if you want to find out more about Shane and Hannah, we'll link their information down below.

Shane's written several books. They're working on one together. One of his books is called Laughing at My Nightmare, which we have fun with because he names a lot of things at. He does. But, and so let's, I want to get to the comment on the week. And last week we had the Lions on. And Julie Border says that she loved this interview and would really like to see them back again. She's read Rhythms of Renewal, which is Rebecca Lyons book.

And it's so thought provoking and applicable. They both have great wisdom, which honestly, I am full in agreement with. Absolutely. They, they preach some great stuff. So if you haven't heard that episode, please go back and listen. That's right. And before we get into it, please subscribe. to the show and give it a rating. Without further ado, we bring you Shane and Hannah

Burkaw. Shane and Hannah, absolute pleasure to have you with us. How are you today? Very good. Thank you so much for having us. We're so excited to have you on the show and it's been quite literally months in the making. It worked out. Well, I think we started talking and trying to schedule this before you got married potentially. And now you're married. You've been through it. You guys are like vets at the whole thing. So congratulations. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, we have way more to talk about now, now that we've delayed for, like, six months. Wait, so the big question is, how is marriage so far? Terrible.

Oh, my God. Absolutely. No, it's amazing. I mean, I'm speaking for myself here. Don't want to put words in your mouth by and like that. We've been loving it. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, let's start with, how did you guys meet? We have to get everyone's stories. Absolutely. You don't take that one? Sure. So we met a little over five. years ago now, and I was a freshman in college. Shane was, he had just graduated from college. He was in Pennsylvania. I was in Minnesota, far apart. And I, I guess they'll go into

like detail. So I was, I was up late one night studying. This is like the full story. And this is, this is not the version that most people, yes. This is not like a short question. But I was studying. And I was, I was done studying. It was like very late. And I was on YouTube taking a break basically before I went to bed. And I watched a video that one of my favorite actors from the office Rayne Wilson made on his YouTube channel. And it was like a mini documentary about Shane and like the nonprofit that he ran and the book he had written. It was just like a little mini documentary. It linked to the blog that he had. And I think I like went over to that after the video and read it for like an hour. And I was like, wow, I really feel like we would get along. And I think because it was like so

late at night and I was tired and delirious because this is so out of out of character for me I sent him an email being like I just saw this video you know great great you know job great work you're doing I mean it was a really cute email it was just introducing myself I was like I'm Hannah and I like this video uh in a couple more words but I I sent that and like completely forgot about it but the time I woke up in the morning like that I did not remember this happening but Shane had responded at like 6 a.m. Like the second he woke up, he responded to this email and he sent his phone number. So we started texting. Wow. You know, hearing that now sounds like I was extremely desperate. Like I have one email from a girl. I was like, hello. Here's. And this sounds terrible,

but like at that point in my life, I was getting a lot of emails from people all over the world. see in that video and you know writing nice emails to me and i promise you i did not give out my phone number to all of them something about the email just like made me need to know hannah like our sense of humor our interests just connected really well and so you know i i joked that like sending my number It was weird, but I'm so happy I did because we got along really well. Yeah, both of us were, you know, and then we started FaceTiming, like, the next day. And I think I visited Pennsylvania for the first time, two months later. The whole timeline was really quick.

Without details, feels really weird. But in the-flying across the country. In the moment, it felt like very normal. And by the time, like, May came around, like, three months later, when she visited for the first time, we were like, we can't go another minute without being together in person. Yeah. Yeah. That's how we met.

Yeah. You finished email. It is, it is, well, do you consider that kind of, like a booty call email to some extent? Is that like late night? In pretty much fun. I guess, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it just felt compliments.

Yeah. That's great. It is so interesting when you, when you go back over like your love store and how you first met. Sean and I are the same way you start talking about the details you're like yeah it's a little weird but in the moment in the moment it was like great it just you know it's like a form of expressing love whatever it is I basically did the same exact thing Hannah I sent him a tweet for the birthday right no from L.A oh yeah you tweeted at me I tweeted at him and I was like you should come to L.A because I was living in L.A and I sent it at like midnight yeah and he was on a plane the next morning

which seems that's creepy that's better than the phone number yeah uh yeah it worked out though it worked anyway okay so you mentioned sense of humor being like the first thing that really got you interested in each other and that's honestly i'm sure you have a lot of wise words to share with us today but based off of what we've seen in your youtube channel both of you have such a fantastic sense of humor i don't even know how to describe it's like salty you're like very honest and like just like sarcastic with each other to some degree it's great though yeah i think that i mean we get a lot of comments from people who are like new to our channel that don't quite get the humor yet and like if you watch videos pretty much our humor is making fun of each other like you said very sarcastic very dry

we get these comments from people who are like why are they so mean to each other Like, do they hate each other? What's going on here? But for us, it's a form of love, you know, to be able to make those jokes and know that we're kidding and know that we're making each other laugh. Yeah. It's always been a way that we've connected.

Shane, humor seems to be an important thing to you. You wrote a book called Laughing at My Nightmare. You also have a foundation called Laughing at My Nightmare. What is, explain the inspiration behind that? So, yeah, everything I do, I name Laughing at My Nightmare. I'm afraid that when we have a kid, I'm going to be like, maybe you make a name. The blog, Laughing at My Nightmare came first back in 2011, back when blogging was all the rage. And I just wanted to share funny, ridiculous stories from my life.

People have always assumed that my life is a tragedy because I live with a disability, which is a problem. And I wanted to show a different picture, a more authentic picture of living with a disability. And that is that my life is full of laughter and adventure and love. And so I made the title laughing at my nightmare. It was a play on that idea that people think it's a nightmare, but I'm laughing at it. I'm having fun and it's not a nightmare if you get to know me. So yeah, that kind of led to everything that happened after that, the book, the nonprofit,

as the blog took off in ways that I. never imagined. That's cool. I mean, it is, it's like humbling, I think, is the word that comes to mind where we should all have a better sense of humor, you know, as we approach life, no matter what we're doing. It's how I feel. I agree.

Yeah. I think that, you know, people often like to compare their lives and say, like, oh, like, he has it so bad, like, I should never be upset. And that is not at all the message that, you know, I want people to take away because we all have challenges. I have days, but I'm pissed off with the world, you know, or angry or upset. And that's normal. Like we should embrace that side of being a life.

But yeah, I think if you're able to reframe your adversity in a funny way, it can be really helpful. Yeah. I appreciate you set me straight there. Only a little bit. Only a little bit. Okay. So what was it? You had the email.

You flew across the country. walk us through the timeline from there on out. The dreaded timeline. The timeline, yeah. You should tell about our first date, my amazing gas station date. That, that date? Well, that was your first day. I want to hear about the gas station day.

Oh, my God. I thought you meant the beer drive-through. Oh, no, no, no, yeah, the gas station. Okay, yeah, sure. So I fly to Pennsylvania in May. And first of all, shame was 45 minutes late picking me up at the air. You don't have to say that. You're there a dog.

I do because I was terrified to, like, I was afraid that, like, if we didn't get along, I'm all of a sudden, like, stuck in Pennsylvania. I was there for, like, three days. So it would have been okay. But, like, three days with someone that I didn't like. You know, I was, like, going through all these scenarios or, you know, if, like, his parents were weird when I met, you know, like, all these, you know, anxieties about doing this trip.

I'm going in Philadelphia, traffic. Not my fault. Yeah, and you are notoriously early, you know, and every other scenario, Shane has always been early. So it was not poor planning. I think you left like an hour in advance. Yeah, I'd probably intended to be there like five hours at a time. But it didn't work out. So I was I was left at the airport for 45 minutes, like worrying that he's just not even going to come, all this stuff. Imagine if I catfish too. And just off the airport. That would be an epic catfish. You know, like the documentary is out there. I would know who you are. But so Shane eventually picked

me up. And our first date, I think it was next morning because I got in pretty late. He decided we were going to do a picnic. Like, okay, that's, that's nice. But instead of getting like cute picnic items, he took me to a gas station. Wawa. It was a Wawa. Yeah, a Wawa station. Not a gas station. We don't have those in them. Yeah. It's more than a gas station. It's everything. We didn't have those in Iowa either. So people always talk about it. And I was like, what's the big rate? Uh-huh. We're crazy about it. It just seems like a gas station to me, but we go in and like, like, he got a

burrito bowl and a burrito bowl and I got like a vegetable like sandwich. It was just like really strange food, you know, all at this gas station. And then we took it to a park. That didn't really go well either. Like we weren't in the right area. Yeah. So it was a part that I'd never been to. But I was pretending like I knew it very well.

I was like, yeah, I have this romantic spot. it would be great. We're like there and I did not find the romantic area that I had in my mind's eye from like, do something like it. There were supposed to be like picnic tables and like a river. A river, yeah. But I'm playing it off like I know what's going on. So we're wandering through this field and be like come up through a house.

And I'm like, shit, this is not this is not the right area. But I still didn't want to like give up that I didn't know what I was doing. So I was like, this is it, like, we're going to have a picnic right here. So we put out a blanket in what might have been someone's backyard. It was just someone's yard. And we began eating and then our way out as we were looking at, we saw the entrance. It was down the road. We were not at the park.

Are you serious? Not too close. It was no. It was so fun, though. Yeah, it was a good picnic. Yeah. And I bet the people that live there. I bet that they enjoyed our nice little date in their back now.

Oh, man. So this is the first date. You stayed for the three days because you ended up hitting it off. And then you dated for four years before you got engaged? Yeah, I think three. So we dated two years, two years long distance and then she moved to Minnesota. And then six months after that is when you propose. But wait.

Yeah. No, a year and a half. No, a year and a half. Because he proposed the day I graduated from college. So he moved in during my junior year and then like a year and a half later he proposed. So yeah, it was like three and a half years, I think. So Shane, another book you've written. Written three books?

Yes. Okay. Was titled Not So Different, what you really want to ask someone with a disability. And, you know, I'm curious as the dating and relationship was growing, can you talk about, there are so many misconceptions people. speak wrong about disabilities as, as I was, you know, just made well aware. And, uh, you did, you're good, you're good. Well, no, and I actually want to discuss this, but I'm curious from the relationship standpoint,

what resistance was met, maybe from your side, Hannah or your Shane either. Yeah, do you want to talk about your parents? Yeah, um, people ask that a lot. And then Shane in previous relationships has had, uh, great difficulties with his partners, parents, basically. Yeah, like I fly out had parents of partners say, this is bad for you, don't do this. And that obviously puts a bit of a damper on the relationship. And so that always kind of signaled the end when that would happen.

Yeah. But anyway, Hannah's family was so much the opposite of that. Anyway, I didn't even take it. No, no, I mean, that's really it. You sort of said it all. But my parents, I think their initial, when I told my mom, you know, about Shane, her initial worry was that I was like, I met a man online that lives in Pennsylvania. I'm going to, like, fly there and meet him. And she's like, oh, my God, like, no, you're not. She's like, you're a murder. Yeah. And I was, yeah, in college. Like, I was 19 and, you know, she didn't want that to happen. So that was her initial fear. But after she, like, she, like, facetimes with Shane and very quickly, like, they got along and. Yeah. And they had no issues with his disability. I think when you speak about misconceptions, we see it every day on our YouTube channel in the comments that people leave. There is this big idea that my life is a huge burden and that being with me, being with me as my partner would mean, you know, that you're burdened and that your life is terrible or difficult.

Am I explaining that correctly? And that's not true. I am mostly independent and capable on my own throughout the day. I work, I have multiple careers. I've figured out how to do my life. You know what I mean? And yeah, I require physical assistance with like going to the bathroom and like get it in and out of bed. But those things are not the massive, overwhelming kind of like hurdle.

that people think they are. They're just enraigned in our day. Maybe you shouldn't speak to that. Yeah, exactly. Like when we're, you know, getting dressed in the morning and I'm helping Shane, we're talking about what we're going to have for breakfast or what we're doing that day.

And like it's not, you know, two separate relationships where like in some ways I'm his wife and then in other ways I'm his caregiver and nothing else. Like it's just, you know, one smoothless relationship. You know, people ask like where we draw the line between caregiving and a relationship. and like don't have one you know it's just you know our relationship is what it is so yeah so i don't know if that answered your question that's good i'm i'm curious what lessons we can learn from

your mom hannah of you know there's other partners parents who say hey this is going to be difficult and i don't know if that's the route you want to pursue but why do you feel like your parents and your perspective were different because that's what i i want i want more of that I wish I had like a really amazing answer for that. I think they're open-minded. The tendency to shut down, you know, as my other partner's parents have done, is based on a lack of experience and a lack of willingness to see what it might be like. You know, they made judgments before getting to know me,

get in to see what our relationship dynamic would be like, and they just shut it down based on the stereotypes of disability, that we are a burden, that our lives are miserable and terrible. And also, like, I'm fairly opinionated. And I don't, like, even if my parents had had, you know, the fleeting thought of, like, oh, I wonder if this is a good idea. I don't think they would have approached me with that because they knew that I was happy and excited.

And, like, I think that they trusted me to make the, you know, the best decisions for me and, you know, wouldn't have. Yeah, like, you know, they were like, oh, like, you think this is good, then it's good. You know, I think they took my word for, for what it was, right? Yeah. You know. And yeah, I mean, go ahead. No, I was just to say, I think you guys truly are the epitome of everything our show is about

without us even knowing that before we started talking to you. I feel like every, the reason why we started this podcast was we got tired of reading basically societal standards of what makes a successful relationship and we have talked to so many couples about barriers basically whether it be religion or background or upbringing culture anything and how they got through it and I think it's probably wrong because you guys are the epitome of relationship where you fell in love and you decided to not listen to all the dumb stuff that society says and and following their checklist of make sure you find a partner who's X, Y, and Z. And it's hard and sad to notice that society would say, oh, but what's actually going on?

You know, why is this actually working? You must, like you said in interview or in YouTube videos before, you must be the nurse or you must have your, that I think it's wrong. How did you approach dating with society, with your friends, with the community? How did you approach marriage? And why do you think it is that we all have such this preconceived notion that if my spouse doesn't fit, you know, Prince Charming and Cinderella, they're not worth the time? Yeah. That's a big question.

Yeah. My first, like, thought that comes in mind is that it was way way easier before YouTube. Yeah. I was going to say that too. Like, we dated for three years before YouTube was even an idea or two and a half year. I can't remember. I don't know. Yeah, too many. But without that level of public scrutiny, it wasn't something we talked about. about a whole lot. Like, we weren't worried about conforming to anything. When we were out in public,

like, yeah, here and there, people would be awkward. And, you know, we've had people come up and, like, you know, ask, is this your sister? And I say no. And they begin to cry. Like, when they find out that she's my girlfriend. So that's weird. But it wasn't a big deal. It wasn't until YouTube came about that people began was real overwhelmingly, like telling us that this is wrong and looking for conspiracies because they just could not accept it. And we see it literally hundreds of times a day.

And just the absurd number of people who think that way is scary. But you ask like how we approach it. It is motivation because all those people are real people out there in the world holding these awful ideas about disability and relationships and gender norms and all this stuff. And we hope that by making videos we can change a few of those opinions and like make people a little. bit more open-minded. So it motivates us.

If you read through the comments that we get, it becomes very clear, very quickly that the people who are spewing such awful things clearly have some stuff that they've got to work on, you know, doubts about themselves, fears, insecurities. Yeah, but we get really annoyed or like angry about the comments, something that can be helpful is and it sounds so simple but reminding ourselves that all these people are just wrong yeah like if if if it was true that I was paying Hannah to be with me for YouTube clout and you know are this life that we've built over five years is all faith yeah then the comments might be like oh shit let me uh what they're all to us but they're all just wrong

Yeah. And that sucks, you know, and it exposes their, their ignorance, but they're wrong. Yeah. And so that would be really helpful in doing it like that. Real quick, today's show is YouTube channel. You guys do, some of the videos you do are like, you know, how does Shane take a shower and moving and like you, you show how you, what do you say? I said that's like 90% of the video. There's a lot of showers.

Yeah. It does really well. well you've also talked about how you've outfit your home to be accessible like wheelchair accessible what is the mission behind the YouTube channel and and why did you start it those are like two very different things so I think we started it as a summer project really it's a little hobby yeah it was after my junior year of college Shane had just moved in six months before and we were doing some traveling that summer and I had like pretty much nothing to do. You know, we had some trips coming up, but I didn't have a job or anything.

We were going to be traveling. And we thought it would be really fun to film those trips and upload them basically for like our family members. Like send it to Shane's parents and be like, look where we are. It was a little bit dirty. It was really dorky. It was for that. And at that time, Shane had followers on Instagram from his book. And it wasn't a ton.

It was like maybe 10,000. people and we were like oh maybe they'll watch it um so i think he posted it there and after six months we had gotten to 4,000 subscribers which we thought was like you would ever get we were like wow that's that's a ton of people yeah i thought you were started the awkward pause around when was it that was December i can keep going if you're if you're unclear of the timeline i mean the timeline is not much shot it's not isn't you going you're doing great okay in fact i'm going to leave Thanks for joining us. Six months later was in December and we did a collaboration with special books by special kids.

He came and like filmed a video about our relationship basically. And from that, a bunch of people went to our channel. And he had like two million followers. Yeah, he had a ton of followers. And they like subscribe to our channel, watch the videos. And then that like boosted us into the algorithm. And over the next month, we got up. to like 100,000 subscribers.

Crazy. And literally just that month. Yeah, that was a surreal month. Yeah. And that leads into the second part of what the mission is. Because all of a sudden we had this very large and serious audience. And we had to make a choice. Like, are we going to continue this as like a very small side project?

Or are we going to be more serious about it? Because at that point, we were mostly making, like, dumb little videos about ways. It's embarrassing to watch our earliest videos. They're just, like, random things that we filmed. I know. I scroll back. That first thumbnail, I'm not sure who is responsible for it, but classic. Jane is.

The purple. It was great. What is it? What's the first one? It's like a purple background. A lot pink background. With like a kind of like distorted picture. And it says, a vlog, question mark.

Anyway, are you making fun of my Photoshop stuff? No, my bad. In the videos, it's like a clip of, you know, Shane making a joke about something. And then it'll just cut to like me rolling off the bed. Like, it's just like bizarre clips that we put together that have no. There's no message. There's no message. This is funny and it's really, it's not that funny.

And so after that big interview that we did, we had a lot of conversations. and decided that this would be a great way to educate people. Well, because in those first, in that month, we got a lot of comments from people who had found the video being like, this is fake. And at that point, we were, like, shocked by people thinking that we were fake. Like, we could not believe it. Yeah, we were devastated. We were like, fake.

Like, what does that even mean? And obviously now we hear that a lot. But I think at that point, we could not believe what people were saying. And that sort of made us want to find them wrong. yeah it completely devalues me as a person yeah you know i have no worth as a partner and hannah is seen as you know evil evil or like messed up in some way yeah for wanting to be in me so like it was hurtful so in that like month after that big game in subscribers we decided the art channel would be about normalizing what our life is like and showing people that you can have a

very normal relationship where one member has a disability like mine. Yeah. So that is our broad mission. We still do stupid videos, but we try to have some, like, messaging here and there. Yeah. Yeah. You guys are working on a book as well together? We are.

We are. Yeah, for a while now. Spill the tea. It's been a long time. We're still going, yeah. So we started working on the book after I graduated. like two years ago probably. We got to deal like two years ago.

And it was a little bit delayed because of the pandemic because we had originally been traveling around interviewing couples. And now we've done some over Zoom, but basically we're interviewing about 30 other interabled couples where one or both have a disability of some kind. And each chapter is sort of a profile of that couple and their love story mixed in with some chapters about us. So it's been really fun to work on that,

but definitely a huge, undertaking. Yeah, because we're trying to like be really authentic, obviously. We're trying to continue to educate and normalize people about disability and tell these really adorable love stories. So it's a lot to be done in one chapter. But it's like, it's been a lot of fun. Yeah.

Well, can I guess the title? Is it laughing at my nightmare? I tried for that. The publisher was like, the publisher was like, well, keep that in me. maybe no right now the uh tentative title is interabled colon love stories yeah so nice colon like the body part like the body part yeah oh yeah no that was a terrible joke sorry i should retire from making jokes permanently yeah all right i don't want to get too philosophical but i'm curious um we've kind of touched on this a little bit but when you speak about your relationship it is

cool because on the one hand, it's just a normal relationship. Like, the essence is Hannah loves Shane. Shane loves Hannah. But it's also cool because, you know, if a relationship has a spectrum of, you know, a hundred different qualities to it, yours maybe on the spectrum of like physical difficulties would be a little more amplified than say Sean or I, right? Whereas you guys are both way smarter. You have more of that than say Sean or I as well. So, again, a bunch of different qualities. But how do you, how do you like when you talk about normalizing your relationship, part of that process is in that conversation highlighting some differences, you know.

So how do we how do we talk about the differences? And this goes for Shane and Hannah. It goes for all the different, you know, conversations going on in society right now. But how do you talk about the differences without amplifying them? and making that the important part as opposed to hey no you know what Shane is a hilarious dude and that's his essence and Shane and Han's relationship is just a normal marriage and that's the essence but getting there is a hard part you know yeah I think that's interesting that's a great question yeah it's nuanced so I don't know if you'll be able to give like a perfect answer um I mean

first of all, I think... She's got it. Just... I fucking love this. I love this. I'm going to try to... She did tell what I don't know what I'm saying. I'm going to try to.

She's like, I was going to fail right there. This is really complicated. But I think, you know, one of our hopes for when people watch our videos is that they see that, like you said, the essence is just that we love each other. You know, that's like our hope number one. And they're like, wow, you know, this seems really normal, like normalizing whatever. But I think the other part is showing those physical. physical difficulties or differences and all of that. And, you know, instead of like highlighting

that and making that different, trying to expand or bad. Or bad. Yeah, making, I meant bad, not making it different. It is different. But trying to expand people's view of like what that spectrum should be, right? Trying to expand people's view of like, what is normal? And instead of saying, you know, we're super different for for Shane having a disability saying like lots of people have disabilities. There's lots of couples like us. Like you may not see it a ton. you know, our essence is the same, you know, I think like showing those, those differences and just trying to make people realize that like that is also normal, you know? It's, it's so hard to talk about. I agree completely. I think that if the representation of disability was at the same

level of non-disabled people, we wouldn't even be having this conversation. Yeah. Because we would be no different than any other couple in the eyes of society. I think doing Matt, what you said about, showing that difference is not bad is another big part of it we talk about our differences in a positive way because they are a positive part of our life most of the time and that is an important and missing part of the conversation often people will say oh he can't walk that's so sad but what if they said he can't walk so what like he uses a chair and so yeah making it more positive. I think there's another part of it.

Yeah. Yeah. It's so interesting, though, because when people say that's so sad, it does come from a place. It comes from a well-meaning place to a certain degree, right? Absolutely. Yeah. Go ahead. No.

Oh, she's got it, Shane. Hold on. No. But it comes back to that original misconception of unless you're perfect, it's like, it's not worth it. It's that societal standard that is just. so flawed that people feel like they mean well saying oh it's so sad you can't walk but that's just because society is saying unless you're able to walk you like that's what makes you worthy yeah exactly how do you how do you go about rewiring the world and saying no you are a human

being and just by being a human being you're worthy everything else is just unique character Yeah. I think if you figure out the answer to that question, you will solve all the world's problems. Good, good. I'll work on it in my spare time. Another thing that we try to show in videos that people don't usually have the perspective of unless they know someone that maybe uses a wheelchair or whatever. Like when we are traveling, we'll show that the airplane isn't accessible and it makes it really difficult for us. Or when we're out in public and, you know, we're going on a walk and we get to a store that doesn't have a, uh, ramp there's a step like we can't go inside and i think like flipping the narrative from you know Shane can't walk and that's so sad to this place isn't accessible and that's so sad you know showing

people that like Shane is not the problem here like if there was a ramp we would be good to go yeah or you know if this airplane was accessible we would be you know this would be way easier i think showing people you know that there are things that we can literally fix besides Shane that would make a huge difference that's helpful because like before i you know knew Shane i i wasn't thinking about that stuff at all Hannah was a sociology major. I don't know if you can tell. This sounded very, uh, sociological, but she's right. I mean, she's dead on.

I, I don't know. I, I'm kind of hung up on it because I, you are inspirational. And it is because there's a difference between you and I. And I look, but just like, I mean, it's in the same sense of, of me being inspired by anybody else. It's like, oh, because they live life a certain way or because they've over like approached adversity in a certain way. Uh-huh.

And you have to point to the difference in order to glean that to certain. I don't know. But I also think you see inspiration because you see this might be a weird word to use, but like freedom, you guys live so free of the barriers that usually people put on themselves in relationship. Does that make sense? Because if someone were to like those people, those keyboard trolls on YouTube who are always saying,

must be fake or they're they're so bound by living by society's judgments that they're they're so restricted so I think the inspiration for us and seeing your guys's relationship is like wow you guys have truly just figured out what love is and you don't care about like the world's crap which is really refreshing because we talk to so many people who do and it it I think our goal in life is to just not care and live our life and do it the way we all want. I want to hear what Shane has to say. Okay. Sorry.

I mean, the idea of inspiration is a, it's a big subject in the disability community because it's a huge subject. I don't want to like belabor it too much. But for a long, long time, the narrative was often, you know, there's a poster. that shows a kid in a wheelchair, playing with his friends. And the quote is, if he can do it, so can you. And that sets up an immediate hierarchy of value, of, yeah, value, because this disabled kid

in the eyes of the, you know, inspired viewer, shouldn't be playing with his friends. His life should be hard and different enough that he shouldn't have friends. He shouldn't be happy, but he is. So, wow, that's amazing. In reality, disabled kids all over the world are out there with friends and in school, having fun, having a good time. But we don't hear that story. We hear, oh, that's amazing when they're able to do that.

And that devalues us. So I think that is where the problem with inspiration comes in. like when it's, you know, applauded me for being out at the grocery store, which happens all the time. People come up to me and they're like, it is so good to see you out in the world. Like, congratulations. We went to the beach one time and a woman came up to, it was actually my mom was there also and we were like filming. My mom was filming us. And a woman came up to her and said, it is so kind of you to take him here. I bet he's having the best day of his life.

Like, you know, really think that like, you know, Shane being at the beach is like the most amazing thing ever. And so going about to what you said, like, you're right. Like, you can draw inspiration from a disabled person as you can, anyone else, who is doing inspiring things. And yeah, like, I am doing them differently. And maybe in ways that you have an experience because you are not disabled. Like, I get that. It's just, you know, there's a fine line between drawing inspiration for not inspiring on things versus, like, actually.

Like, I love when people are inspired by my work as an author or a work on YouTube. Because it's a lot of hard work. And, like, yeah, we've persevered. And, like, yeah, it sucks facing all that criticism. So, yeah, be inspired by that. But not by the fact that I woke up smiling. today you know because my life isn't bad no that's good obviously you know i have i personally have a long way to go here's here's what i know i am super thankful for you both as a couple because one

all the great videos books all titled laughing at my nightmare they put out um but also like so obviously i i guess maybe ignorance is a word and um i don't know maybe there's something else to that but to be able to have a conversation and actually I feel like progress people's perspectives as opposed to attack in the way that they might be attacking you. Honestly, it does a lot of, it makes me introspective and it makes like, oh, what is the right way to talk about, you know, this relationship or how, what words should we use or not use? Which, speaking of that, can you talk about some helpful language? So inner ability was one of the terms.

Is that right? Yeah, interable. Interable. That one is, I don't know, we use that more just to, like, quickly describe to people what we are. Like, it works all for titles, like, on YouTube so that people immediately know what they're about to watch. Yeah. But when we, like, talk to our friends and family, we're not like, we are interabled. You know, it's not completely.

So, regarding language, though, I prefer identity first language. So I am a disabled man rather than a man with a disability. There's a whole big thing around that. And a lot of debate about which is better. You know, teach their own, basically. But there is nothing wrong with being disabled. And so you shouldn't shy away from it. Words like special needs or whatever other ones,

differently abled. Those are all avoiding the very disability because they believe disability is a bad thing. Yeah, they're trying to find a nicer way to say it, which, you know, that doesn't need a nicer way. Well, something that I love to and is that question and how you answered it, Andrew and I have actually had this conversation about a lot of different topics, like interracial and intercultural and intercultural and like every type of mixed relationship you could possibly have for whatever the reason. And I feel like kind of like you guys have touched on, there's just no representation because one, people are afraid to capture it, which is an issue. They shouldn't be. And two, people are afraid to ask or learn because they don't ever want

to cross the line or say the wrong thing, whereas we should be asking the questions. Even if they're wrong, we need to be corrected at some point so we can be more educated and learn. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, yeah, Andrew, I give you major props. You've asked a few questions that I think other people may have shied away from. But, like, the fact that you're being introspective is so important. Like, if everyone thought about these issues the way that you are, like, it would be a lot easier. So, yeah, being willing to have difficult conversations. And then on our end, have them, you know, with an open heart and not, like, dismissing people evil just because they you know use their wrong word or whatever um that's really

important yeah yeah well i mean yeah again kudos to you got it's it's cool because you know this this is your life that you live each and every day just as you know you don't know what i go through each and every day but when i come in and try to swoop in and ask about a certain experience that I've gauged from a distance based off of just split seconds, I'm definitely going to make some oversteps. And so I do appreciate that patience that you have for someone. You know, it's just like, I'm going to make some oversteps and thank you for not getting mad and vice versa, right?

Absolutely. So anyway. What are you guys most excited about now that are you, do you do a honeymoon? Not really. No, he didn't. No. Just bought a new house. Not really.

No, we did not. Well, we meant to Florida. That wasn't really a honeymoon. That wasn't a honeymoon. Anyway, we have like a wedding. Yeah, we're having, yeah. I guess. So COVID delayed our like real wedding.

We got married alone in our backyard with our officiant over Zoom. Like, not at all what we hurts that damn. But this fall, we're having, or summer, I guess, having like a big gathering with our family and friends. and friends so that would be fun yeah we're at the point right now though where we're like oh my god we have to plan this well because we weren't sure it was actually going to happen for so long because it's been so unknown you know what four months it would look like so now it's coming up and we've done like nothing yeah so that that's why we're really excited about that

yeah yeah about the honeymoon after that we're um yeah we have some some excited YouTube like ideas in the works for more long-term series and stuff so we're like developing that that's exciting yeah yeah is it all in the shower i hope they're all in the shower shirtless Shane yeah that sounds weird sorry well make this series for you uh private private videos Are we doing YouTube full-time now? Yeah. Let's go. That's awesome.

Thank you. Yeah, with that and, like, speaking of engagements and the book, we're able to support ourselves. That is awesome. That's really cool. I don't know about you guys, but our first couple years on YouTube,

we wanted to murder each other. So if there's any tension there, it will work itself out in time. Yeah, how is it working together? Tell us about that. It's been good so far. It's generally good. I mean, yeah, we definitely had moments where we have disagreements and we are like,

oh, right. I think they're big agreements, they always come from when we're setting up the camera. Like, I don't know why, but like we'll be getting ready to film it before and I'm like setting the camera up. And like, I don't know if Shane like micromanages, but we always manage to get into like an argument about the shot, the shot or I don't know, like by the time I sit down to film the video. I'm like, oh, you. So that happens a couple times. but and then there's the other like area that we've had this is grievance um when people are like rude to us whether they send an email or you know leave a comment Hannah is much more inclined

to fight with them yeah and like fix the way they're thinking and i'm more inclined to be like whatever just ignore it uh and that's caused some some issues but we're you know now that we're like three years in yeah we're we're pretty you know we get along most of the time that's our dynamic too i go after him and he's like just leave it it's fine the big question okay you guys are officially married you've been married nine months now yeah yeah i think nine is it nine yeah okay you know better than we do yeah september what was the anniversary september night oh yeah wow so it has been like nine months oh my god yeah so married nine months together five years.

The big question we ask every single person is within your relationship within the time you've been together and how you've known each other and especially with you guys living such a public life with all people's opinions. If you could take away one thing, the one piece of advice you would either give or have been given that you would like to repeat about relationships. You did not ace that question. Okay. What's the one piece of?

piece of advice you've been given or would give based off your experience being married. I love you. I love you. I got it. I understood it. I'll talk so you can think of yours. Well, what depends on yours is. I didn't mind me to be to remember that you are a team first and that everything that you do, it should be supporting each other over everything else. When you're facing adversity or you know, you're planning a wedding and you hit obstacles or whatever, it can be easy to get annoyed or angry at each other, you know, holds with two different people with two different views of the world, but we're combining those to be a team and work together to face the challenges that we have. So, yeah, I didn't remember that it's not like both of us kind of independently doing our own thing, but we're a team and we need to work together. Wow.

Preach. Yeah. Preach. I don't know if I want to follow that. Mine is not that good. What is yours? I don't know. I'm like, I'm waffling between a couple.

But I think, yes, I think one, one, I don't know if we've been given this or it's just like something that I think is helpful, but people often say, you know, like, don't go to bed angry. And like that, I'm sure that works for some people. But I think for us, it's, I think it's been helpful to, you know, take time for arguments. Like, if we're having an argument, it's okay. Both of these sound like we fight all the time. No. We really don't. Yeah, like we're for a team. No, but, you know, if we're annoyed at each other or something happened, you know, having a discussion about it at midnight when we're tired and ready to go to bed, uh, is. is not always the most constructive use of time.

So like going to that's free and talking about it in the morning is fine and can be much better. That's good. That was a little anticlimactic after Shane's, but it's all right. Shane's was beautiful and mine's just like. I just ramble for a while. It didn't make sense. It was wonderful. Hey, well, I can't think enough for the time.

And I call dibs on a part two. We'll start working on scheduling now. so maybe, you know, next year we can get out of the books. Yeah, 2025, yeah. Yeah. I mean, congrats on everything, though. The new house, the marriage, the killer YouTube channel. You guys are in a fun phase of life.

Yeah, a lot of fun things. Thank you. It's been really fun talking about today. And thanks for having us. We look forward to staying in touch. Thanks, Shannon, Hannah. Awesome. Thank you, back.

Thank you. Bye.