Couple Things with Shawn and Andrew - 86 Postpartum Struggles

Episode Date: October 14, 2021

Shawn and Andrew go LIVE talking about their postpartum life after having their second baby. From mental health, to identity, to daily routine changes, they delve deep into the struggles and joys of life after baby. Here are a few topics that we cover: 0:00 introduction 2:18 statistics of women who struggle with postpartum depression 3:45 dealing with postpartum with your second child 6:53 hormones after birth 8:31 talking to someone about your mental health 11:13 having the postpartum conversation before birth 12:42 the mom guilt 13:21 ways we've found that may help you through postpartum 13:57 leaning on each other 16:45 losing your identity once you become "mom" 20:58 take care of yourself 23:45 dad struggles 26:57 having a community 27:45 c-section recovery 28:16 the TSA story 32:47 how drew is doing with jett 33:30 getting your husband to understand postpartum 35:09 c-section recovery must haves ANDD....WE ARE GOING ON TOUR!! Check out the link below to see if we are coming to a city near you in 2022! Click here to get your tickets now ▶ https://www.couplethingspod.com/ We are sponsored by these companies that we love. Check them out below:  SlingTV ▶ Go to slingTV.com/EASTFAM to get your first month for just 10 dollars! Athletic Greens ▶ athleticgreens.com/eastfam -with your first purchase today, they are going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs! ▶ If you haven’t yet, please rate Couple Things and subscribe to hear more. Follow us on Instagram to keep the conversation going at https://www.instagram.com/couplething... And if you have suggestions/recommendations for the show, send us your ideas in a video format – we might just choose yours! Email us at [e-mail]. Subscribe for more! http://bit.ly/3rnOdNo Follow My Instagram ▶ http://www.instagram.com/ShawnJohnson Like the Facebook page! ▶ http://www.facebook.com/ShawnJohnson Follow My Twitter ▶ http://www.twitter.com/ShawnJohnson Snapchat! ▶ @ShawneyJ Follow AndrewsTwitter ▶ http://www.twitter.com/AndrewDEast Follow My Instagram ▶ http://www.instagram.com/AndrewDEast Like the Facebook page! ▶ http://www.facebook.com/AndrewDEast Snapchat! ▶ @AndrewDEast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Wendy's most important deal of the day has a fresh lineup. Pick any two breakfast items for $4. New four-piece French toast sticks, bacon or sausage wrap, biscuit or English muffin sandwiches, small hot coffee, and more. Limited time only at participating Wendy's Taxes Extra. I feel like as soon as you become a mom, as I would say the story I'm telling myself is that, that the world forgot that there's other sides of me. This is probably where I struggle the most. She said it's easy to feel like your only job is mom

and you're forgotten that you have other roles as wife, partner, daughter, friend. We are live, baby. What's up, everybody? Good morning. Good morning. What's up? Everybody, welcome back to a couple things.

With Sean and Andrew. A podcast all about couples. And the things they go through. Happy Wednesday, baby. Happy Wednesday. We made it. We made it. We made it to hump day.

Today, I'll let you introduce the topic. Yes, today's topic of discussion. We actually tried to film this twice yesterday. Yes. And failed. So we thought, why not do it live and actually answer questions? But today's topic is all about postpartum and everything that comes with it and what nobody warns you about.

So postpartum intimacy, how it affects a relationship, the hormones. the depression, the baby blues, all of it. And we are going to be responding to your comments and questions live. So if you have any regarding this topic, please drop them in there. Again, we are not here to give advice. We are not qualified professionals. But we do like to try to steer you in the right direction. So we will include resources.

If you're needing help or if you're struggling, we'll include that in the description once we get rolling here. I feel like this show is technically like our cry for help. Well, it's a fun place for us to talk about the things we're going through. It's almost like our journal in a lot of senses, you know? I will say the funniest thing about this is every once in a while we'll start covering a topic and we're like, wow, we really didn't air this one out yet. This is. And this is causing issue.

And so the ironic thing about us discussing postpartum struggles today. Yes. And having tried to record this episode several times before is that resulted in and of itself and a little scuff. Yeah, because we're in the thick of it. We have a 12-week-old son, which Andrew thinks is wrong, but he is actually 12 weeks old. I need somebody to verify that because he's not three months yet, but he is 12 weeks. Very confusing. Very confusing.

Here's where I want to start with postpartum. Okay. I like to start with stats because a lot of times when people are going through a struggle, they feel isolated and they feel alone and they don't feel like anybody else. is experiencing what they're experiencing. So here's some numbers from postpartum depression.org. They say that approximately 70 to 80% of women will experience at a minimum the baby blues, which the baby blues, I had to look up,

are defined as a condition that most commonly occurs around two to five days after delivery and resolves around 10 to 14 days. Women experience crying bouts, sadness, anxiety, irritability, sleep disturbance, appetite changes, confusion, and fatigue. So that's like, Baby Blues is like the mellow version of postpartum depression. And the stats say that there's a reported rate of 10 to 20% of mothers who experience postpartum depression after giving birth, which is a lot. That's almost, I mean, if you take the high end of that, that's one in every five, which is

nuts. There's also, I mean, there's so many nuances to the postpartum life, including you can develop postpartum OCD. We wanted to highlight that. to start because Sean was never clinically diagnosed with postpartum depression, but it is a wild time to say the least. And it's a time of a lot of adjustments. There's a lot going on. And don't feel guilty if you feel like you're out of your normal stride. Yes. So where to begin? I feel like we have gone through a very similar roller coaster with Jet that we went through with Drew. I feel like

it's a little bit better with jet just because we're now aware that like this is just a phase but it is very similar and that roller coaster kind of goes like this so we have a kid we're on cloud nine we're terrified we're emotional we're so excited we know that the next however many weeks are going to be sleepless nights and crying babies and just trying to figure it out but we usually hit a rut around eight weeks it was when we hit a rut with drew and it's when we hit a rut with jet and that rut is kind of this realization that Andrew and I are very, very disconnected. And I think that just comes because you spend so much of your time as new parents focusing on being parents and not focusing on being spouses, which is normal. That is like part of the process. But then you add into that, I'm going through

so many hormonal changes and I feel insecure and I feel like I really am isolated and alone and I'm so, you know, the babies are so. dependent on me that I don't really have like a freedom there. There's so many things that happen that really kind of forces you to change your identity for a while. And this rut that we get in usually is an argument that just explodes and we're really not arguing about anything at all. It could be as little as like you didn't take out the trash. But it just explodes and it always ends with I don't feel like I know you right now. I don't feel like I'm loved as a wife or loved as a husband. I don't feel appreciated. I don't feel seen. I don't feel like we've hugged in 12 weeks.

I don't let alone done anything else. What are you talking about? I don't know. It's just like this very hard time. And we did go through that about two weeks ago, three weeks ago and are on the up and up. But it's hard. It's very hard. And nobody prepares you for that. That is 100% true. And I would say when you say we're on the up and up, I mean, it's so weird having these discussions. about what we're going through. I feel like in some ways it's healthy, in some ways it's, it's like a little difficult because some of these wounds are fresh. But I do like this setting to have these conversations because a lot of times it's

when we have more grace and forgiveness than if we're in the heat of a moment of an argument. So anyway, I do think that what Sean was talking about with the identity change, where you go from having a rhythm in life to that absolutely being. hijacked by this new being and there's so many layers of chores and scheduling and stresses that can enter into your life that it throws you out of whack much less than even like hormones are such a real such a real thing such a real thing and such a real factor when it comes to to this period as well so I don't know if you know anything about hormones but nothing I've never experienced it Andrew I think

the hormones make things so much harder because like Andrew said, my body as a mom feels hijacked after you have a kid because you have all of these waves of emotion and you feel mom guilt and you feel terrified because you want to be able to take care of a baby as best as you can but you also don't know how and then you're literally crying happy one second and then you're crying sad the next and you don't know why and trying to explain that to your spouse or partner is really challenging because they aren't going through it and I don't know how to explain to him like I don't have control over this. Like it's like actually like a physical reaction and it's a lot because on top of that you're

almost kind of aware of it. It's like an out of body experience. I'm like watching myself have this meltdown and I'm like, what are you doing? But then I can't control it. Well, on that note, I just had the, you know, response of well, maybe the best thing to do is to write it off any argument we have just to write that off as, oh, this is hormones and we'll get back to it. I'm going to say, I don't think that's the right way.

I'm going to say we should probably never do that. To go about that. Spouses, partners, husbands, please don't ever remember what he just said. No, I'm saying I was, that was my wrong first inclination. But I do think there's wisdom in being present in the moment. So like, I'm sitting there and I realize that hormones might be a factor in this conversation or this argument. But I'm going to, we're going to work through this issue and I'm going to respect your feelings. Yeah.

And then. we can debrief the whole like, hey, can we go about the whole emotional outburst a little, not that you do that, but can we go about that differently next time? I'm curious. We do have a lot of people chiming in here. Melody Ingram is eight weeks postpartum with twins. Congrats, Melody. That's Andrew's dream. And she's a first time mom. The change is really hard for their family. She says, I'm curious, Melody, if you could write some of the things, if you're willing to share, that you've learned or you've experienced. We'd love to hear. your perspective as well. We don't want to just share ours. We have a pretty limited perspective.

But Brooke says it's kind of like depression, just depression in general. You have no control sometimes. And explaining that is really hard. It is really hard. And the only thing that I can compare it to is I've tried to have this conversation with Andrew many, many times about like my past with eating disorders because it was such a foreign topic to him for so long. And understandably, we would have these conversations and he'd be like well why don't you just stop or why don't you just not eat that or why don't you just go eat a healthy meal or why don't you just not listen to that voice and similar to depression or mental illness of any kind you get to a point where that's almost impossible it's almost like you you physically and mentally cannot fight off the evil it just is

who you are or that's that's the that's the belief it's just there and it takes so much strength and so much help from other people, preferably professionals, to help you find that strength again. And that's, that's like, it's a real struggle. Yeah. It is humbling. We've talked about this before, but the nurses when we first took Drew home, their last piece of advice was remember that nobody wants to hurt their baby. So if you're frustrated, just put Drew down in the crib. And I was like, why would they say that? Yeah. But then when you're caught up in that first couple weeks or months and you're in the heat of the moment where the baby's crying and you feel terrible and you're tired and your spouse is stressing you like you there is like this uncontrollable

factor to it and just don't don't get caught up in the heat of the moment I would say yeah is one thing but we always say let's transition to like maybe the more positive side of things there's three to four months after you have the baby where it's really tough in our experience But I feel like that four-month mark is you start to see daylight, you start to settle into the routine, you start to understand the new norm. And so that's when things start getting fun. That's when I feel like you and I started connecting really, really well again. And I'm excited, you know, we're two months in this so far.

So I'm excited to get to that point, even though I'm really enjoying where we're at. It's challenging. I don't know how else to say it. Someone Kara Kera Helton asked what has helped you guys support each other in this new journey a lot, but I feel like something that we did before we had Drew and before we had jet was we had serious conversations about postpartum depression. And I was the first one to bring it up with Drew because I had worked for so long with professionals, therapists, nutritionists to get over that eating disorder hump and like saying that had consumed me for so long, my biggest

fear was going back into that and whether it was postpartum depression or an eating disorder. So I talked to Andrew a lot. I was like, listen, I'm going to need you to look out for X, Y, and Z and really like ask me every single day. How am I feeling? What am I doing? Do I like, do we need to bring an outside help, all of this stuff? So we really, we really just made it a normal thing to talk about it, which I feel like is really probably the hardest, the hardest part of it, the hardest thing to do, which is to just breach the topic and be like, listen, how are you feeling? Are you feeling sad and depressed because that's okay let's talk about it yeah actually December bowels uh wrote in said that she would tell her husband her overreaction is her hormonal but the feeling behind it is real

i love that that's good December preaching it i love that Torrey megan says having a baby is certainly not all rainbows and sunshine hormones make things so rocky and after birth you feel like you have to get your body back right afterwards and that just adds more to it that's the other thing too is like the mom guilt. No. Well, sorry, I've never experienced mom guilt. The guilt of you realize that this is such a precious time of life and why aren't you happy and like really able to full enjoy it or the guilt of I, you know, feel like I need to get my body back like Tori says and I'm not or I don't feel, I don't feel healthy. It's very complicated. It's so interesting. And we're going to talk, I would love for you, Sean, in a little bit to talk about we're getting questions about what

vitamins you found helpful. We could talk about athletic greens. I think we'll share that. in a couple minutes here and also like your workout routine that you worked up to these would all be helpful things here are some ways that we found that you can help you or your partner through this difficult time so one is making sure that you do have this perspective with your child that this article says create a secure attachment with your baby and so keeping an environment where your baby is safe again like putting the baby down if you're at this low point or giving him off to your spouse or a family member can really help. The second is lean on others for help and support.

How do you feel like you did it that one? Leaning on others? Yeah. I feel like I struggle with that. I have a really hard time asking for help because mom guilt, I feel like you're supposed to be able to do it all. I feel like it's probably just a societal flaw where we paint this image that moms are supposed to be able to do everything.

You're supposed to be able to make lunches and change diapers. and take care of kids and take care of yourself and have time to go work out and work at the same time and make meals for your spouse and have time for your spouse. They just paint this image that mom is a superhero, which moms are just by having a child, you are a superhero. Nothing more than this. You don't like need to earn your cape by doing anything more than having a child or being a mom. Okay, well, this is something we struggle with where it's like, I don't have the expectation

that you're going to make my lunch or keep the house spick and span clean or do the day. or make the like but you feel like you're expected to do that or that's that's an inherent desire of yours to have the house clean or to make me lunch or what like how what percentage of it is outside influence versus your internal desire you know what I would say it's probably 50 50 I think the outside influence sets my expectations of what I want to be able to achieve does that make sense so like the world is telling me I should be able to do it all and so in my mind I'm like well then I need to and if I can't I failed. So Andrew and I had like a little conversation about this yesterday. I got really,

really frustrated because we were trying to work. But I was also watching Jet while Drew was at school and Jet would start crying in the middle of work and I'd have to go back and forth. And I was just like, I feel like I'm failing on both sides. I'm not being a successful like business person and I'm not being a successful mom. And it makes me feel like I'm failing just in all aspects. So it's just mom guilt in general. It's so hard. Um, Brittany, you know, The solution we're talking about is leaning on each other. And Brittany says that she had some serious postpartum rage and depression, but just lived in denial for the first six months.

And once she started talking about it, she felt better. Also, she says the real game changer for her has been exercise. Very interesting. So on the idea of leaning on each other, making relationships a priority, I think with your spouse, like we've done date night. And then also with friendships too, you talk about the feeling of being isolated so much. and so having friends that come over and hold the baby you could chat to or vent to or whatever

I feel like you found pretty helpful and then talking about your feelings and finding the last one was they said be a joiner which is like find other people who are in your same spot so whether that's a Facebook group or some you know local community of other moms who have recently had babies I feel like finding other people who are going through what you're going through you you glean wisdom and perspective that otherwise you wouldn't be able to I want to talk about one thing Okay Samantha Krause brought it up

And I just want to be like, yes Yes This is probably where I struggle the most She said it's easy to feel like Your only job is mom And you're forgotten That you have other roles as wife, partner, daughter, friend And I feel like that is that isolating feeling

That I have tried to talk to Andrew about A lot of times I feel like As soon as you become a mom And this is just as the Gottman Institute has taught us as I would say the story I'm telling myself is that the world forgot that there's other sides of me so like my friends forgot that I was their friend they only see mom so they're like oh she's busy we'll probably not bother her today and that my spouse sees oh she's such a good mom she's being such a good mom but has forgotten that I am your wife and doesn't see me as your wife

like you don't see me as your wife anymore and and like my parents they no longer see daughter they see their grandchild and it's just you feel so forgotten and like you don't have any other aspect to you than mom and it can be it can it can it can fuel those thoughts of like rage and depression and anger and frustration because you're just like listen guys I I I you're not seeing me you're not helping me you're only seeing the mom that's supposed to be able to do everything hmm we have some questions here well Caitlin asked did you take athletic greens when you were pregnant. Okay, so I did, but you want to ask your OB. I took it all the way through both pregnancies and postpartum. I think it really helped mine, but I did clear it with my

OB first, as you should as well. Good advice there. So this kind of transition us into the tip number three, which is take care of yourself. These are mostly for moms, but also one of the stats that I did not hit on is that, uh, let's see, where's the one about men? Oh, that men can go through postpartum depression as well. Yeah. Which makes so much sense. 10%. approximately 10% of new fathers experienced symptoms of depression during the postpartum period. So these tips apply to everybody, but that's crazy to think about. Okay, so this kind of brings us full circle to something we talked about right at the beginning, which is identity.

Something nobody prepares you for is that identity shift. So when you become a parent, the things that you think are so glamorous actually are what make it really hard. So it's just been you and your spouse or you and your partner up until this moment. You bring a kid into the picture and now you have someone else living in your house full time. Rent free. Not rent free, really. And on top of that, they're splitting your spouse with you. So we had the Gottman Institute kind of explain this to us where up until the moment you have a kid, if you get into an argument with your spouse, the only way to feel like comforted and loved again

is to figure that kind of argument out because you need your spouse's cuddles and comfort again, if that makes sense. But with a kid, you can kind of just go a separate way and go get that comfort and love from your child. It's like you're sharing your heart with another person and trying to keep that kind of trio or four people or however many kids you have in a happy like arrangement is really difficult. It is really difficult.

So what does it look like to take care of yourself? There's a little smattering we have here of ideas. One is doing less housework and letting that stress fade to the background. So the dishes don't always need to be spick and spick. man, the house is not always going to be super clean. Taking care of yourself by easing back into exercise. And you can talk about that in a little bit.

Practice like meditation or prayer, whatever that looks like for you, quiet time. I feel like when you have kids, there's just so few moments in the day where it's quiet. Getting as much sleep as you can, whether it looks like taking a nap. The doctor's always said, whenever the baby's napping, you need to nap. Set aside quality time for yourself. So doing something you love, whether it's taking a walk or reading a book or or watching a show, whatever it is. Eating, good Lord, that was a massive thing that we learned with Drew.

That we literally had like schedule in our calendar, order lunch. We were a lot better with that after Jet because we realized with Drew we just didn't eat. Gosh, that was whack. I have a question for you. Oh, okay. Chelsea Ann says Andrew, is there something you found hard for you or dads after having a baby that you wish was talked about more? There's many topics about moms and what they go through, but it's rare to hear about dad's struggles.

So I feel like I am like many other new fathers out there where I want to help you. I want to take care of our child. But I don't necessarily know how to navigate the world of. I feel like it's part of the course that the mom has stronger preferences on the baby's schedule or like, you know, there's so many stylistic things about how kids rate or how parents raise kids, whether it's like how social they're going to be, how many people are allowed. in the house what type of outfits you know bath times and how often do you do that or the eating schedule and when do you phase them into you know hard food or like real food versus what like there's so many things and the mom typically has stronger preferences but like I want to help so I feel like I had to learn and I'm still learning of how can I set up ways for Sean to communicate to me

like hey here's what I would like the eating schedule. look like or here's what I would like the bath schedule look like and so I can actually participate in making that happen and take some of the stress off of you because that's my my goal is not to make you more stressed and not to you know make you feel isolated like I want to be there for you but you know you kind of you don't know what to do and I feel like when I would try to do it myself without your advice I would always do something wrong and that would stress you out more where it's like Andrew you're doing it wrong and then I get discouraged because I'm like well I'm just trying to help, you know. Did that make sense? No, no, no, we've come so far. I know, but it is hard because

you're like, you're trying to figure out just how you both operate and how you want a parent and yes, moms do have very strong preferences, but I think that's just where the conversation needs to come in of like, how do we want to do this? Where is the middle ground? What is the compromise? What is going to be our parenting kind of like strategy? Yeah. And it is worth, this is where date night's coming big time and we try not to talk about our kids when it's when it's just Sean and I because we like to focus on building our relationship but it is good to schedule in some time where you're like what's our strategy and this was something that hit me hard that I was talking to a friend who's going through like a rough spot in their marriage they're like they're super

successful in business they're super strategic in business they put so much time thinking about the strategy and you know what they're building in business and he was like I realize that I need to be just as strategic in my marriage as I was in my business. So like you don't know this yet, babe. I haven't told you this. I'm really excited. I took that advice and I said, you know what I'm going to do is I'm going to order a massage table for Sean. And that way I can give you foot rubs. You could take naps on it. I can use that massage oil. You're going to massage me. Yes. Really? How do you feel about that? You should just order two and we'll have someone come here. Well, we got to work up to that. I won't say no. you don't like me you don't like you don't think I'm good enough to massage you oh I think you are but I feel like it's going to be like hey baby now it's my turn okay maybe but the same the same thing applies with parenting of like what's our strategy going into this and how can we get on the same page so we're a team and not just two individuals fighting against each other because that's how it can feel sometimes by the way sorry do you mind well Holly just made a comment that I want to I'm really excited about she says using their platform for all of us to be able to lean on each other and get advice to get a

feeling of hope and unity and comfort. Thank you so much. We are in the process of building something that we're very excited about, which is like a, it's essentially like a parenting forum where, you know, these comments in the YouTube chat are on Instagram and the wonderful messages and comments you leave on pictures and posts that we have. It's hard for us to sort through or reply to all those or like go back and refer to these helpful comments that are being shared. So we're building out a way that we can actually have that as permanent and something that we can go back and find and search for and kind of like really be in touch with you in a better way. So I'm really excited for that. We'll keep you updated on that. So stay tuned. But go ahead.

I interrupted you. I was going to say a couple like quick fire questions that we could spend hours talking about, but that I've seen consistently is how was the C-section recovery like second time versus first. I don't feel like recovering from a child ever really gets easier. I think the only reason it might seem like it gets easier is you know what to expect. So I don't feel like this one was any easier than Drew, but I knew what I was going to go through. So mentally it made it more feasible. Is that a right word I'm looking for? And then a couple of people have asked what happened with the breast milk.

I feel like I should just. Oh, the whole Instagram story. That really. That really blew up. People were writing articles about that. By the way, I thought it would be fun to start our episodes with tabloid articles that were written about us, just headlines. That's great. So go ahead.

Go ahead. So it was a very long day of travel. I had had three canceled flights. I just wanted to get home to my babies. So I was already on the verge of an emotional and mental breakdown. I'd already cried a few times that day. And I went through TSA. I have studied all the TSA guidelines, regulations, and rules as it pertains to breast milk.

Because with Drew, I traveled with breast milk and I was exclusively pumping. And now with Jett, because he is still breastfeeding, I had to pump on the road while I was traveling. TSA states that you can control. travel with breast milk through security and carry it on in whatever quantities that you want pretty much up to like 72 ounces and there is a rule there that states that a TSA does not they're not required to actually like open up your sealed containers and touch the milk or contaminate the milk pretty much and the TSA agent that I had that day was adamant that she had to every single bag that I was carrying she was adamant that she had to open it up and actually test

the milk and especially in today's world I just I really didn't want that happening you know I didn't want the potential talking about like germs and whatever to get in and so if you say no to that you just have to do like extra screening and I was like I'm perfectly you know happy to do extra screening and I just think I upset her in doing that so there was kind of a power struggle trip going on afterwards with like a super aggressive pat down and she like ripped the box and that I was carrying my breast milk in, and I got yelled at. She took everything out of my suitcase and just strung it out on the, like, belt. And it was, it was a lot.

And I just stood there and cried. So can I just read here, here's a couple things on the TSA. This is from TSA.com. TSA says that formula breast milk and juice are allowed in reasonable quantities and carry-on bags. They ask that you remove these items from your carry-on bag to be screened separately from the rest of your belongings. You do not need to be traveling with child to bring your breast milk.

They do have the caveat, though, that the final decision rests with the TSA officer on whether an item is allowed through the checkpoint. So that's a big caveat. That is a big caveat. I know you're heated. And I know that was traumatic and frustrating. But they also say that breast milk and formula in quantities greater than the 3.4 ounces are allowed and carry-on baggage and do not need to fit within a quarter-sized, a quart-sized bags.

They should be separated from other liquids, et cetera. And then they have this whole thing on traveling with children, too. But I don't know, like, I don't know where the breakdown is. I'm sure that was extremely frustrating. And I'm sorry that you had to. Your local Benjamin Moore retailer is more than a paint expert. There's someone with paint in their soul. A six cents honed over decades.

And if you have a question about paint, it's almost as if they can read your mind. I sense you need a two-inch angle brush for the trim in your family room. legal select in an eggshell finish and directions to the post office. Benjamin Moore Paint is only sold at locally owned stores. Benjamin Moore, see the love. Thank you. And I want to make this clear, though. I have no ill will towards that lady that I encountered.

What I felt in that moment as a mom, where I was crying, was that I was a mom trying to get breast milk through security, which was allowed. And it was just made to be so difficult. and stressful as a mom, which sounds, that sounds entitled, that sounds boozy. And I apologize for that. But I was truly trying to do something for my baby. And I was humiliated for it. And it just, it just felt icky. So I just hope that process is easier for more moms. To, to give the TSA agent context. Yes. This was on a day where Southwest had 1800 flights canceled. Yes. Because it was in Texas and

there was a whole strike. And then also, I think there was tornadoes. So I can imagine, I cannot imagine the dressed that she was under. And first of all, being a TSA agent has to be one of the least pleasant jobs because nobody really wants to sit there and chat or be nice with them. So it sounds like she was having a rough day. And unfortunately, you got the blunt into that. But anyway, those are the thoughts. Back to postpart. Yes. Tori says she's sorry that happened. And well, Megan says it's not like you're not a well-known person, which is, you know, people think that Sean being an Olympian gives you rights to do a bunch of stuff. One, we wouldn't want special rights and two that's just not actually how it usually pants out

usually goes the other direction anyway which is how it should work uh Danny Carew has a question this is transitioning out of the postpartum specific but she wants to know how is drew doing with sharing time with jet yeah I think she's doing a phenomenal job I think there have definitely been little signs that we've seen where she's asking for more attention so she's she's for a while she was like super how would I say that she like would go back to like the babying so she would say mommy hold me or I want my passie or I want a blanket or she would do like more baby things that it seemed like she had grown out of however she loves her brother she loves playing with him she loves being around him she loves that we're around him I feel like

she's really good with it she really loves him. Kristen this is postpartum related ask how can I get my husband understand that postpartum impression isn't contrived or that she's not making her feelings up. So I actually think the Bible has wise words on this where they say if you have a issue with somebody, talk to them about it personally, then talk to them about it with a small group of friends, then talked about it in a bigger scale. So I would actually sit down not in the heat of the moment. So not when there's feelings, you know, fresh. Talk to them when you're both level headed outside of like your normal context maybe even and say, hey, I want you know that postpartum is a typical feeling. You can reference like,

stats like we can share this article to postpartum depression and say 70% of women go through XYZ and neither's the symptoms. And then if that doesn't work, I would say maybe have some friends that you can discuss it with or they can share their experiences. And then also getting professional help like from going to see a therapist together and just having them say, you know, validate that you know what, Kristen, you are going through postpartum and this is going to be a tough couple months and here's you know what you can your husband can expect i think just getting an outside perspective can help so much yeah i would say the best we had those conversations um i think the best thing for andrew was hearing my obi and our pediatrician talk about it because they're not coming

from like a biased perspective they're truly coming from science and to have our pediatrician even say to Andrew, like, no, at six weeks, her hormones, like, are going to plummet, and she's most susceptible to postpartum depression, like, that kind of stuff, it just kind of paints a better picture. Katie asks, do you have C-section recovery must-haves? I know you have, well, yeah. C-section recovery must-haves. Um, I don't know.

What's the lotion that you use? Don't you use some, like, vitamin D or, like, coconut? On my C-section? Do you not, am I? I use, I use a prescription strength steroid cream because I, my scars do something really weird. Do they, uh, did they keloid? Did you get it from your doc? I did.

Okay. So that would be it? Yeah. Yeah. And then just fun fact of the day. Well, your work, talk about your exercise too. Yes. So I am very careful.

I approach C sections just like I approached my knee surgeries as you should. It is a very invasive, very extreme surgery. that takes a very long time to heal from. And you have to know that and you have to accept that and you can't try to beat the clock because it's not possible. I take exactly six weeks off. I don't push it.

I don't exercise during those times. I do exactly what the doctor says and say don't do anything. Let yourself heal. And then after six weeks, I start from, you know, the ground and work myself up. I do the smallest little exercises and day by day I slowly graduate to bigger things.

I try not to like rush. shit. I truly tried to do physical therapy. So I think if you're just aware of that, I think moving really helps me heal from a C-section. So during those six weeks and especially during the first two weeks, even though it's really painful, I try to get up as much as possible and walk around and not be too stagnant. I feel like that helps me feel better sooner. And I personally, this is a weird thing. This is a very personal thing. Try not to take pain medication once I get home because, I'm going to say this, because I tend to push the envelope and I try to push myself faster than I'm ready for.

And so if I allow myself to truly feel what's going on, I usually slow down. Yeah. Here's some others that you may or may not have mentioned. Hannah says a belly band. Cynthia says belly binder. Elizabeth says underwear that covers your incision. Hannah reinforces that and says high-wasted underwear. So it sounds like there's some helpful stuff out there.

Well, we're going to leave it at that. Yeah. High-wasted underwear. We're going to leave it at a high-waisted underwear. But Brianna will leave with a couple comments. Brianna says that she's finally able to watch the live. She's been following you guys for years. And I love all the knowledge I get from your videos.

Thank you. Oh, Kristen says thank you. I appreciate you both and your transparency. So that's all we have for you today, babe. I appreciate your transparency in regards to this issue. And we are working through it live. So we'll give you updates and continue to share what we've learned. But thank you for watching.

If you haven't yet, please subscribe to the channel and give it a thumbs up. Also, if you're watching on the live stream, there's that thumbs up on YouTube that you can hit. Helps us out. Appreciate that. And we will see you next week. We have a fun interview. Thanks for joining.