Cox n' Crendor Show - Cox N' Crendor Beta: Friday, November 30th

Episode Date: November 30, 2012

Friday is upon us! Brace yourself for the weekend! ...and 10 things you shouldn't say at work. Also we find out what the best countries to be born in next year will be. So if you're considering being born, this episode's for you!

Hello everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trending! This is Trending in the morning. In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4-hour recording studios! Recording! Wake your ass up! It's the next Trending in the morning! Hello everybody, it's Friday! It's the next Crendor in the morning! It's the next Crendor in the morning!

Hello there everybody, it's Friday! Welcome back to another exciting episode of Cox and Crendor in the morning. My name is Jesse Cox, and this is my dear friend Crendor. He's apparently beating a small animal. No, I was clapping because of how exciting this is. And the work week's over. You get to go out tonight and have a good time. Be awesome. I assume that's

what you're going to be. I don't know why you would go out and not be awesome. I mean, it's hard for me because I'm always awesome. Do you actively go out and try not to be awesome? Is that what you do? I've tried it a few times, but it didn't turn out very well. Because you were just still awesome. I can imagine that'd be bad.

It's the last day of the week. Usually today we like to have some fun and just be silly and stuff, but I gotta... Because normally we don't. Yeah, normally this is a tedious task. It's 30 minutes of just like, ugh, really? Again, do we have to do this? So today we have all sorts of just crazy news and fun stuff to go through,

so Crendo, hit me. What we got? We got the best places to be born in 2013. Nice. What else? We got 10 things you should never say at the office. Nice. Anything else?

No. Nice. Anything else? No. Good. All right. Let's hear this. What places are the best to be born in 2013? Number one is Switzerland. Does it say why Switzerland? I don't.

I assume they mean in the summer of 2013. With its small but very stable economy, Switzerland comes in first. Wealthy, healthy, and trusting of its public institutions. So, one of the things they take into consideration when saying where you should be born is you trust your government or not. Good for them. Good for them. Because just blindly trusting your government is a very good thing. Number two is Australia.

Ah, good day, mate. That was my Australian. Shrimp on the barbie, mate. Dingo ate your baby. What the heck was that? Oh, goodness. That was some accent somewhere. Righto.

That's not a knife. This is a knife. My apologies to Australia. Alright, continue please. Number three is Norway. No, go back to Australia. Why Australia? They don't even say.

What? They don't say. It just says Australia and that's it? Yeah. Australia, with no reasons given, is better than number three Norway. I just want to point that out. But go on. Well, Norway has no reasons either.

Four is Sweden. So wait, do we have to make up reasons for Norway? Yeah. Having been there, I would say the women and the pizza. The pizza's very good in norway and let's say having watched uh dexpedition the parties are pretty terrific too other than that i i assume since they're the number one purchaser of farm simulator 2013 probably they don't do much except sit inside and simulate farm life oh you know what I saw a movie based in Norway,

and it was very snowy outside, and it was about this kid who got bullied at school, and there was this girl, but the girl was actually a 200-year-old vampire. And at the end, he's getting bullied, and this vampire girl turns into a vampire, and she just comes and, like, kills the bullies. What was that movie called? What the hell is it? It sounds like a really bad Twilight fanfic. It's called Let the Right One In.

We watched it in film class. I'm sorry, you took a film class to watch this movie? It got an 8 out of 10. Oh, well, okay then. That makes sense. It was a good movie. It was a good movie. Was it Norwegian in language?

Was it Viking language? Oh, wait. It's Sweden, not Norway. Sweden, not Norway. But it's close enough. I'm beating that same animal. It's a good segue into number four, Sweden. Oh, okay. Close enough.

Close enough. Yeah. Those are all like the same, except Finland, which isn't even on the list. Nobody likes Finland. Okay, so Sweden is... Unless you're from Finland. Sweden is like... I like Finland.

Nice save, buddy. Okay, Sweden, I don't understand. Like, I have no experience with Sweden, so I assume... Vampires. If you want to be immortal and live forever, find a hot vampire chick in Sweden. Okay, good. Gotcha. And pancakes.

And pancakes. Number five is Denmark. Denmark? Really? Mm-hmm. Here's the funny thing. This is one of those surveys that I know, or not surveys, I'm not sure what you would call this.

I guess studies. I don't know what this is. Someone's opinion? I'm not sure. Because this is one of those things that immediately i know for a fact anyone who is right leaning in america is going to think like why would i want to be like when i'm socialist countries because if they're leaning right maybe they got a back problem i'm waiting for the show i'm waiting for the ding.

Oh. There we go. All right, wonderful. Good. Now it's a joke. Now it's a joke. Yes. Yeah, so that's – I can see that this will cause some discussion, which I'm okay with.

All right, so what's our next one on the list? Number six is Singapore. Singapore? Mm-hmm. What? I don't really see any reasons. The only thing that I know about Singapore is that's where older, non-attractive men in their 50s go to find young 20-year-old wives.

That's pretty much all I know about there. Well, that's probably why they rank him number six. It's probably written by an old guy that went there. He's like, look, you really want to be born there, ladies. I'll be 50 in 20 years, and let me tell you, I'm going to need a bride. Number seven, New Zealand. You know what?

I agree, because they have all sorts of wizards. White, gray, brown. Agreed. Yes. The hobbits and the elves alone are worth being born there. And it's very prettyful. Yes. Yeah, of course it is.

That's because the plains of Gondor are there. That's true. And Mount Doom. Mount Doom. Mor-dor is there as well I want the Hobbit to come out faster only a few more days there's some guy like this the Hobbit's

gonna be bad because it's gonna be like the other Lord of the Rings movies and I was like what yes good good good yeah that's that's the point then I can watch them all in like a day and be like oh well, well, there's my day. It's gone.

I hate it. I hate it when good things are like good things. God, these people are so dumb. Why'd they have to make it good? When does that come out? Isn't it like two weeks? 14th, 12th, something like that. One of those days.

Yes. I know, right? So excited. My goal is to buy 3D tickets ASAP. 3D tickets for Midnight Showing at the IMAX. The IMAX. Oh, it'll be so good. Good to see the hobbits on the super big screen.

I want my head to hurt when it's over. IMAX, by the time it's over, I'm just like, why did I pay for this? But it was great the entire time. Dark Knight in IMA in imax whoa that was amazing oh i have a movie theater story so okay after my friend and i saw the avengers we were walking out of the movie theater now i live in chicago uh-huh so it's not the most crime-free area, but the area I live in is pretty crime-free. So, we're walking out of the movie theater. Here's the problem with what you just said.

Now people can locate exactly where you live based on your description of Chicago. Like, crime-free, eh? Listen. There's only one place in Chicago like that. If you know Chicago, you know that means I don't live on the south side. Hey-o? That's just a fact. Oh, okay.

There's no hey-os. Oh, okay. Even, like, if you take the train, they're just like, what if we take the train? It's like, no, that goes to the south side. It's like, oh, okay. All right, then. But we were walking out of the movie theater, and these four kids are running down the sidewalk. Were they punk kids?

I bet they were punk kids. Us old senile men can talk about punk kids like, you know. And I will not mention their race because that would be racist. I bet I'm going to go on a limb and say one was white, one was black, one was Hispanic, and one was Asian. They were the United Nations of punk kids. Yes. That's what they were. And they had a gun.

And they were just running. With a gun? Just running away? Yeah, with a gun. Or towards something. And I think one had a rifle, and the other two had pistols. And my friend and I just kept walking like we didn't notice them.

And then after we walked past them, we, like, looked back and we were like, they have guns. And we just saw them, like, keep running. And we were like, I don't know. And then, like, five minutes later, we were about to, like, we were, like, by the car. And then just police cars arrive. You pulled a Peter Parker. Peter Parker let that guy go. And he ended up killing Uncle Ben.

You should have done something and you didn't. I'm disappointed in you. You're no Spider-Man. We're already going there. You're no Spider-Man. You could have taken out two pistols and a shotgun. I believe in you. We learned yesterday that you have the immunity against bullets, I assume.

That's true. You could have helped, and you didn't. Then we saw in the news the next day that somebody got stabbed or something. With a gun! With a gun! I guess. And the worst case of weapon misuse ever, man stabbed with gun. So they probably got caught, I would imagine, because they probably live in that area.

And the police, I trust the police. And that's my story. I like how you associated what happened the night before with something that happened on the news the next day that had nothing to do with it. Like, we saw these three armed gentlemen. And then the next day we saw that someone got stabbed. But they got stabbed like a block away from that place. And they were running from that direction.

Again, again. If someone got stabbed holding a gun, they need to just give up crime. No, they probably just used the guns as defense and then, like, had a knife. They're bad at it. I'm just saying, if you get stabbed while you're holding a gun, you're bad at crime.

You probably should get another job. Stealing and robbery and theft and violence is not for you. They stabbed someone, I think. Again, again, why would you run around the street with guns and then pull out a knife like, yeah, we're going to get you now.

Hold on, let me get out my knife. You know what? Bullets are expensive. All I know is I didn't die. I understand. All I know is I didn't die, and that's the important thing. Yes, because if you had died, you wouldn't be here to tell us that amazing story. Exactly.

And I got to see the Avengers. Okay, more to the list. Go back to the list. Number eight, the Netherlands. Really? Europe, man. Apparently, economic collapse in Europe is not a really big issue. Because you should be moving there.

Well, how about this? Number nine, Canada. I would have expected Canada to be number one Besides, besides That's true Canadian terrorists going around telling people that Santa isn't real Canada, really, nothing bad happens there, really At least to my knowledge

It really doesn't The worst thing that happens there is like a shortage of hockey pucks Or the maple syrup harvest that year is a little tainted And doesn't taste as sugary as usual Or riots because of hockey pucks, or the maple syrup harvest that year is a little tainted and doesn't taste as sugary as usual. Or riots because of hockey games. But even the riots, they use pillows. Like, oh, I'm going to flip your car, eh? Flip it gently on this pillow.

Okay. Thanks, you hoser. No, thank you. You obviously didn't see the Vancouver Canucks riot after they lost. The problem is that someone was frozen in ice and they were trying to thaw him out with the fire. They were very helpful. From the air, it looked different. But on the ground, they were thawing a man out.

He was freezing. Number 10 is Hong Kong. Ooh, Hong Kong. I would love to go to Hong Kong. Just to go. I wouldn't want to live there because apparently you have to be filthy rich to live there and not be, like, killed. So that's a thing. So I guess they're saying you want to be born in the part of Hong Kong where it's safe and not the part where movies take place.

Because apparently every movie of Hong Kong is like, yeah, this is a dangerous area. And those are the places you want to be in your life. Really? Okay, okay. My analysis. The person who wrote this article is either, one, someone who hates America, or two, someone who loves America so much is like, America's going downhill, man. It's all because of that Obama.

So I'm not going to even put him on the list. It's one of those two. Back in 88, it was U.S. first place, France second, West Germany third. Ooh, 88. That has to be some guy who's like, I love America, Obama ruined it. Because 88 was like prime, prime Reagan years and Bush won. So, yeah, that's, I'm going with that. That's my theory on this one.

That's a pretty good theory. You're welcome. You're welcome, world. I think I've done my job here. That's why we're going to go to Krendor up in Chopta, Copta 7, for a look at the traffic. What's going on out there, Krendor? There's a lot of snow everywhere over the plains. So, be careful when you're driving because there's already many accidents.

And people are just sliding off the roads and stuff. All right, thank you, Crendor. And now back to Crendor at the news desk. Crendor, what's going on in the weather? Charleston, West Virginia. Heyo, Charleston. Today, your weather is going to be 61 degrees Fahrenheit, 43% humidity, sun rising at 724 a.m.

And get this. Uh. Uh-huh uh uh wait where'd that go hold on i'm looking at the cold and flu forecast uh-huh sporadic flu reports oh oh god i was worried so be careful i was worried because there's there was no flu activity last week, but this week it is very sporadic. Oh, well, good, because we don't want that. Yeah, the flu needs to stay there in West Virginia. Shoo, shoo, flu. We don't want any of you. Yeah.

That was my rhyme. I call it the shoo flu rap. I really enjoyed it. Thank you. Thank you. All right, and now to sports. What's going on in sports? In sports, Jacoby Jones says he will play Sunday versus the Steelers.

Oh, big game. Big game. He had a minor ankle injury, but that's not going to hold him back. Is he going to be okay? He says, quote, just a bruise. When you get something like that, there's just a little soreness that you need to get out. I'm ready to roll though. The man's a machine. He's a human machine. He's a Greg Jennings. Yeah, Greg Jennings also going to be playing this week for the first time in a long time. Greg Jennings.

All right, and now it's time for our last news story. Hit me with it. The last news story, 10 things you should never say at the office. Ooh, what are these 10 things? If you're headed to the office right now, don't say these things. Yeah, I assume this applies anywhere. You probably should never say these. Number one, leverage. Just don't say the word leverage. Yeah.

Isn't there a TV show called Leverage? Isn't that an – I don't know. Like, I love the TV show Leverage. You're fired. Well, they say deployment of an insufficient amount of something to do that which was previously done with much more. What? was previously done with much more.

What? Deployment of an insufficient amount of something to do that which was previously done with much more. That is the most nonsensical gibberish I have ever heard. What does that even mean? Example. After the layoffs, we can leverage our staff of three to cover the entire eastern seaboard. That's the definition they're giving for leverage?

Yeah. Oh, I thought that was their explanation of why you shouldn't say it. I was like, that doesn't make sense. No. Oh, okay. Well, so why, still we have no idea why we shouldn't be saying it. I don't really know either. Does it just not say why you shouldn't say leverage?

Besides the fact that you sound like a douche, like, I've got leverage against you. I'm taking that's their reason. All right, so all these really, the real title of the article is How Not to Sound Like a Complete Douchey Asshole at Work. Yes. Okay, okay. That's a much better article title. Yes, yes, all right.

Especially for Yahoo. Number two. Number two, reach out. Deliver the bad news. Example, reach out. Deliver the bad news. Example, reach out to the customers with a letter announcing that their interest rate just doubled. Okay, okay. What word would you replace that with?

Like, contact them and let them know that their interest rate just doubled. Yeah, there you go. Send them a personal telegram. Send them a candygram.. Send them a candy gram. Letting them know that their interest rate doubled. Carrier pigeon. Send them Hogwarts owls. And let them know an owl appears at their doorstep with a letter.

Send a raven. Make sure it does not get taken down along the way. A flock of ravens circle overhead. That's how you know your interest rates have gone up. They're just, like, trying to send them their insurance message with the raven. And then, like, the Geico gecko, like, is, like, on a secret mission to take it down. He's like, oh, we're going to get them to switch to Geico. Is this a fantasy world you live in?

And then there's, like, the Allstate guy that's just, like, that's Allstate's plan. The Geico is a real thing. And apparently he's a secret agent because he's taking out birds like crazy. He's trying to take down the carrier raven. And then there's the Allstate guy. He's like, that's Allstate's plan. And he's trying to take out the Geico gecko. With his low voice.

Yeah. He uses a megaphone in his low voice. It's like Geico Geico you better not take out that raven. Meanwhile the one woman from Progressive is just like I can't even look at her now. I'm ruined by that woman. Alright. Yeah.

I have to go off on a tangent here. So every so often I go to 4chan. For those who don't know what 4chan is 4chan For those who don't know what 4chan is 4chan, for those who don't know what 4chan is It is essentially the breeding ground of every internet meme Or every internet, like, it's where sanity goes to die It's nonsense, but it's really funny

However, there are some very disturbing things posted on there every now and again. And one was some guy photo-manipulated the face and hair of the progressive auto insurance woman onto people having sex. And so now, that's all I see. And I'm permanently scarred. And every time she's on TV, I just laugh. I'm like, I can't. I'm sorry, dear. I can't get it out of my head. Why would someone be like, you know what I think is really hot?

The progressive auto insurance lady. Well, I mean, they probably did it just to mess with your mind. Well, they succeeded. And they accomplished that. They succeeded. So, yeah, that happened. But what were we talking about? Oh, yeah, back to the office. The office.

Number three. It is what it is. Get used to it. Example. Your administrative assistant doesn't know how to answer the phone. It is what it is. It is what it is. Ugh. That's, that is a pretty annoying thing to say. It's a douchey thing to say. And it's especially if

there's only two ways to use it. Either something horrible happens to you and you brush it off like, it is what it is. Or you do something stupid and you're like, it is what it is. Either way, you sound stupid. You do. So just don't say it. Don't say that. Just let it go.

So, again, this relates to our article title that we've changed it to. Yeah, don't sound like a douche. Number four, viral. So prevalent that you want to barf when you hear about it. Example, Twitter has gone viral. Yeah, that's a thing. Viral is a word that died long ago amongst the internet peoples. But in the mainstream media, if you turn on news now, turn on like news now, like a new viral fad,

it's like, you are just catching up. Aren't you? I now understand what it must feel like to have been a black kid in the nineties. When the white kids started stealing all your cool slang, it's starting to make sense. Now I get it.

It's like how everybody calls it. They're like, you're such a new, but it's like, Oh my God. Like, that's not even cool to say anymore. I get it. It's like how everybody calls it. They're like, you're such a noob. It's like, oh, my God. Like, that's not even cool to say anymore. Yep. And now it's like, oh, my God, we're going to make a TV show. We'll call it Noobs.

Yeah. Like, the whole Gangnam Style thing. It's done. I saw that, like, back in July. It's past its prime. Yet, just now, like, television hosts are like, so, I was talking to that Gang damn style guy Oh no And like all the mainstream people

Are like dancing to it now And I'm just like This happened like four or five months ago They're like yes but I will give the man a massive salute He's about to hit a billion I like him I think he's about to hit a billion views on YouTube

Yeah A billion for that one song Man I think he's about to hit a billion views on YouTube. Yeah. A billion for that one song? Man has talent. That's crazy. Man has talent. That and Invisible Horses. Which, number five, makes him a game changer. Just don't say it to him, because that would be douchey.

A catalyst that will transform a frog into a prince or vice versa. Example, getting indicted for fraud was a game changer for Bernie Madoff. Can I ask you a question? Is one of them deal breaker? Nope. I can still say deal breaker. Good, because I say that all the time. I don't use game changer, but deal breaker I say quite often.

So I'm okay with that. Okay, continue, please. Number six is disconnect. Like, there's a disconnect between employees or something. They say there is a disconnect between what the consumer wants and what we intend to provide. Well, that's your damn problem, company. If consumers want stuff and you aren't providing it, then you're doing it wrong. That's stupid.

Okay, next on our list. Yeah. Value add. A gain, usually financial. Example. She refuses to donate to charity unless she sees some value add. Say, eternal salvation. Is it wrong that in my mind I imagine all these guys are...

Like, everyone knows what these people look like. The people who say this stuff, you don't even have to imagine very hard what the people like this look like. You just already know who they are. They have the fake smile. They got the business suit. They got the gelled hair. Their hair is always gelled. But, or, or, it's sort of like cut and then cropped in the front.

Like, boop, boop, and it flips up a little bit. It's not even like, it's like a forced smile that they wear all the time. Yes, and they're fit, but muscular fit. Their stomach has a little beer gut because on the weekends they do like to party. And golfing is what they do constantly. They're going to shake your hand. Yes. They're going to shake your hand and be like, hey, how you doing?

We're going to value add some leverage to your viral video. It is what it is. Circle back. See you again and again and again whether or not you want to be seen. I'm having cocktails with Mervin. Mervin. But I will circle back around midnight to see if you've finished the Impel Bottom Report or the Stalker Abided by the Court's Restraining Order order but then circled back to hang out by my garbage can i don't think i've any ever heard anyone say circle back well i'm gonna circle back to before we started on this topic and i hated america so please uh continue socialize jam the idea down their throats example we need to socialize our patient to our patients our practice

of closing the doctor's office every day for two hours at lunch in other words quote call 9-1-1 what i don't i don't know wow that is ultra douchey that's basically saying like we need to to train them to leave us the F alone while we're at lunch. We're going to call it socialize. Number 10. The big one. Cutting edge. Oh, cutting edge.

Oh, I hope this one is cutting edge. Example. Sleeperama's cutting edge mattress will take the country by storm. Cutting edge. Sharp as steel. Steel strong. Sharp as a razor blade. It'sting edge. Sharp as steel. Steel strong. Sharp as a razor blade. It's cutting edge.

So cutting edge. Speaking of cutting edge, so is the show, and it is now over. Thank you, everybody. It's been a wonderful week. We will see you Monday. And as always, to be continued. We're game changers. We're game changers.