Cox n' Crendor Show - Cox N' Crendor Beta: Tuesday, December 11th

Episode Date: December 11, 2012

It's Tuesday, or as Crendor knows it: "The Day of the Twos". Also Jesse and Crendor learn what women look for in men, as well as how to beat a dead horse.

Hello everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trending! This is Trending in the morning. In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4-hour recording studios! Recorded! Wake your ass up! It's the next Trending in the morning!

Hello there everybody, it's Tuesday. It's up next, Crendor, in the morning! Up next, up next, up next, Crendor, in the morning! Hello there, everybody, it's Tuesday. It's time for another episode of Cox and Crendor in the morning. I'm Jesse Cox, that is Crendor. Did you ever notice that Tuesday could be called Tuesday? Like the number two? I just now noticed that. I don't think that that means anything, anything though are you implying there was a reason behind that possibly what if uh the person who made up the days yes that guy they like the number two johnny daysman what's his name okay and he liked the number two. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You did not just give me an okay for making up some BS, but then you're going to go in for 20 minutes like, well, you know. No, I do the okays. Okay. Continue, please. Okay. So. Goddamn. He liked the number two, and he liked days, so he called it two-day.

But he was like, oh, wait, we already used two-day. What if we called it two's day? Like the day of the twos. It's two's day. If two were a person, it would be his day. It's two's day, and he's just like, yo, I'm the number two, and this is my day. It's spelled entirely different. Don't ruin this for me.

That's really all I'm here to do. So, all right, all right. We got to get on track. We got to make this show lean and mean today. Lean and mean like a steak cooked by... Jeff at Chili D's. We got a lot of emails and responses yesterday about that. Apparently, people think that a restaurant called Chili D's with a douchebag waiter is hilarious.

That and a lot of people wanted us to talk more about Maury. Which is really bad because they shouldn't ask for that. Because we could go on about Maury for, I don't know, a whole week of shows. A whole week. Like, Maury week. An entire week. We should do that. That'll be one week. Yeah.

All we do is watch Maury. We should just make our podcast the Maury podcast, where we watch episodes of Maury and comment on it. I'm not saying that would be amazing, but it would. It'd be like Mystery Science Theater 3000, but with Mari. Lots of beeps. 90% of the show just beeps. We don't really know what they're saying. We kind of follow along. So we got a bunch of messages about that, so thank you guys.

That was very nice of you to send us all those all your thoughts about what essentially was the stupidest thing we've ever talked about. So, thank you. I think we should move on to bigger and better. So, give us a new story. You know, it's bright,

it's early. What's going on in the world? The world of 2030. U.S. declines. Food, water may be scarce. Scarce. Scarce. Scarce. Scarce. Scarce! A scarce!

A scarce! What? Scarce! Not scarce! Baby scarce! It sounds like something you would wrap around your neck. It looks like something you would wrap around your neck. It looks like scars. Why did the person that wrote the or created the word add like an E after the A?

That's scarce. That's scarce. Yes. Scarce. Would be scarce. Okay, continue. The English language is stupid. Is that what the problem is?

I gotta look this up now. There's nothing to look up! There is literally nothing to look up! Hold on. No, hold on! I gotta let Google pronounce it for me. Scarce! Okay, Google doesn't know anything.

Scarce! Resources are scarce. Why can't it be pronounced scarce? That doesn't even sound like a real word! Scarce! Scarce sounds like something a woman wears around her neck. It's not quite a scarf. It's made

out of some type of wool that is super lightweight and free-flowing. And she's like, it's my scarves. We've created that. Trademark, JessicaOx2012. Anyway. Yes? Continue, please.

So this guy says, the world of 2030, we're going to have not much food and water. Well, yeah, because the population will grow. Actually, wait, no. Hold on. Water I can agree with. I think water is definitely, that is probably something we'll run out of. But food, we grow so much food, we throw away half of it. Like, farmers right now are paid to not grow food here in the United States.

We have an excess amount of food. That I don't think will be an issue. We can always generate, we can clone some cows and feed it to people, just not tell them they're cloned cows. No one cares. Yeah, just give it to the poor people. Better than them starving. Give it to the poor people.

I can imagine you delivering cloned cows in your hybrid car with your scarves flapping around your neck. They'll be like, isn't that the guy from Cox and Grindor? Like, yes! I've come, dear friends, to deliver you cloned cows

in a box full of scarves. Then after they mug and kill you, fingers crossed, then... I couldn't do that because I'd be in my hover car. That's right. This is 2030. Yeah. Hopefully by then we have hover cars.

And you'll have your scars on as you fly through the sky. Dropping. You just drop cloned cows on people. Like mail delivery service. That's you. Poor. Look, all all right you're right that's probably who would get the cloned cows like they give it to like the people in africa and the people in third world nations i i understand but you said it in quite possibly the most offensive way possible which is wonderful again send all your fan art

of krendor in a scarce, throwing cloned cows at people. I want this so badly. Is it like the equivalent of fat girls? Yes, yes. You are Jeff today. You are Jeff. On Yelp, we're going to get a review that's like, well, well, well. The poor people are poor.

Yes. Yes, indeed. All right, well, well. The poor people are poor. Yes. Yes, indeed. All right. Anyway, anyway, anyway. Okay. Before we create an international incident. This guy says, we do not predict the future, which would be an impossible feat, but instead provide a framework for thinking about possible futures and their implications.

Does he really have to say that? Does he really? Like, look, look, I am no predictor of the future. This is just possibilities. Like, really? Someone's going to be like, this guy predicted it. Climate change will worsen the outlook for the availability of these critical resources. Climate change analysis suggests that the severity of existing weather patterns will intensify,

with wet areas getting wetter and dry and arid areas becoming more so. We are not necessarily headed into a world of scarcities, but policymakers and their private sector partners will need to be proactive to avoid such a future. It's a climate change article talking about, alright, well, I mean, yeah, but people said that years ago. So, it's nice that another person says that they agree with something other people already said a long time- You know what this is? This is that- This is those people who are like, the science is still out on climate change. No,

shut up. If you looked over the last year, the entire world got, like, effed in the world butt because of climate change. So, shut up. It's just humans intensify it. We make it worse. That's our motto. Shut up. It's just humans intensify it. We make it worse. Mm-hmm.

That's our motto. I want our first space adventure. When humans go out into space and we introduce ourselves to other species, we say, we're humans. We make it worse. I want that. That should be on the spaceship. So everyone in space can see. We don't even have to say it.

They just know it. Like, oh, it's the humans again. Oh my god, the humans. They're just gonna make it worse. What if we mine the oil from all the planets? Couldn't you just harness the power of your sun? No! We'll steal all their moon rocks.

Yes, their unobtainium will be ours. Mm-hmm. Then we'll use the moon rocks to power the flying cars. Is that how it works? Yes. I don't know if that's how the Jetsons logic worked, but I'll take it. The Jetsons weren't real. Oh, I'm sorry, but the flying cars will be okay mm-hmm

I don't know what if people will be allowed to fly the flying cars I would think robots would be in charge of that there's nothing we need to get wrong more than having robots go crazy while flying our flying cars well would you rather people fly the flying cars no but this is why we don't have flying cars, I think. Because you can't regulate crazy people from just dive-bombing houses and stuff. That's why we have robots. But when the robots revolt, because they will. I don't want to be the passenger in a robot taxi when he's like,

Kill, destroy, murder, 0-1-1-0. Humans, they ruin everything. Even us, red eyes. That'll be a movie. Once the scarcity hits. Once the scarcity hits. Oh my god. Alright, continue with this article.

We are way off base here. It'll be called The Robot Scarcity 2030. The Robot Scarcity. Robot Scarcity. Wow. The Clone Cows. Robot Scarcity 2030, colon The Clone Cows. The Clone Cow Wars.

Yes. Where they fly their flying cars, the robots, powered by moon rocks. Uh-huh. They fly their flying cars the robots powered by moon rocks uh-huh and there's a scarce a scarce selection of Resources and they use their weapons and uh-huh use cows as their weapons, but they're cloning cows Oh, okay, all this seems like more likely they used to fire cows Continue with the article I want to to hear where this is going. Oh. It also suggests that Islamist extremism may be a thing in the past in 2030,

but that doesn't mean small groups won't try to wreak havoc. With more widespread access to lethal and disruptive technologies, individuals who are experts in such niche areas as cyber systems might sell their services to the highest bidder, including terrorists who would focus less on causing mass casualties and more on creating widespread economic and financial distributions.

Are we finally going to get supervillains? Did it take this long to get supervillains? None of this, like, oh, we're evil countries or oh, we're evil terrorists. Where's the one, like, I am Dr. Meltand, and I, he's the one who turns the robots against us. It's all coming together. 2030 Dr. Melt Hand.

His hands are constantly melting. I can't ever hold anything. He's got like a bucket next to him. This is the worst superpower ever. But does his hand melting, is it like molten lava? And then he can fling the lava at people? No, it's something lame

like milk. That's why he uses cloned cows. His hands are made of milk. He'll ask all his prisoners, like, so are you lactose intolerant? I think this story's over. He'll ask all his prisoners, like, so are you lactose intolerant? All right. I think this story's over.

The one thing I didn't know, because I actually know this story because they were talking about it all day today on TV. Basically, they're saying that the United States will no longer be a superpower in 2030. And the follow-up, of course, because once people hear that in this country, they're like, oh, no. The follow-up is like, there will be no superpowers. China won't be, there won't be any superpowers because companies and stuff like that, those will be the superpowers. And I was like, this is sounding more and more like the kind of futures where it doesn't turn out good for people. Like in the movies, where the future is run by evil corporations. And I don't even have to name any.

Everyone can think of like four off the top of their head right now. Yeah. They always are dark, chilling visions of things to come. Turns out it looks like they're right. So when the evil corporations take over and Skynet goes online. Skynet. Robot. Scars.

Robot. Scarcity. I think it could be a movie called Scar City. Scar City sounds like a great name for a movie. It does. They should have called, what was that movie with Tom Cruise? Is it Tom Cruise and it's just the name of a guy? Jack Reacher?

They should call that Scar City. It should be called Scar City. Scar City, The Jack Reacher Chronicles. Yes. Boom. That would make it ten times, if not a hundred times more watchable. I would watch it. I would watch it right now.

I would too. I would leave this it right now. I would too. I would leave this conversation right now to watch that movie. It's just Jack Reacher. I'm like, oh, it's Jack Reacher. I don't care. But if it's Scar City, you're like, whoa, there's going to be people with scars in that city because of their dreadful pasts.

The scarcity of Scar City. That sounds like the douchiest independent film ever. Directed by Jeff. Directed by Jeff. Directed by Jeff, starring Kate Winslet. She's so confused. All right, let's move on. Let's move on. Okay.

Because now it's time to go to Crandor up in Chapter 7. High in the sky. How's the traffic looking out there, buddy? Oh, right now I'm above Scar City, and it's looking pretty good. Traffic's moving pretty well. You can take the I-54 all the way up to the I-81 down to the I-82. That's going to get you to I-86. And then if you loop around the I-04, you're going to hit right where you need to go today.

All right. Thanks, Crendo. Now it's time to go over to Crendo at the sports desk. Crendo, what's happening in sports? In sports, the Patriots blew out the Texans. A lot of people were expecting a good game because the Texans are

one of the top teams in football, but nope. Tom Brady was like, yo, I'm Tom Brady. I throw four touchdowns. And they cheat. Everyone knows that the Patriots cheat. Everyone. Everyone. Also, the Niners And they cheat. And they cheat. Everyone knows that the Patriots cheat. Everyone. Everyone.

Also, the Niners have suspended running back Brandon Jacobs after his playing time complaints. Wait, so he was complaining of not having enough playing time, right? Yes. In any other job, could you get away with saying, oh, you have a problem with not playing enough? Fine. Don't play at all. Could any other job, like, you don't put me on the clock enough or you don't give me enough hours could anyone be like fine they have no hours like isn't that illegal i think so but i mean

sports it isn't but in sports you get you get contracted like they don't have to sign you yeah i guess that's right yeah yeah all right all right you win this time sports sports all right now let's go over to the weather desk krendor how's that weather looking today's weather we're gonna be heading on down to good old buffalo new york spent spent many a year there going to school. Well, today in Buffalo, it is going to be 32 degrees Fahrenheit. There's going to be some snow tonight as well. And the sunrise will be at 7.30, 7 a.m. So you can get outside and feel that brisk 32-degree Fahrenheit weather and jog and some trending keywords.

No, don't do that. You will die. You will keywords. No, don't do that. You will die. You will freeze to death. Don't do that. Some trending keywords in the Buffalo area are snow, rain, and cold. That's almost all year round, actually. Even in summer, there's like, there might be snow. But most likely rain. Man, it's cold here. might be snow. But most likely rain.

Man, it's cold here. Oh, we got some tweets. Okay. Meg Kozlowski says, there's a 30% chance it's already cold outside. Hello! And yours truly, spelled T-R-U-E-L-Y, says, and muggy out here. That wasn't one of the key words. She's changing it up.

She's changing it up. She's changing it up. She's a go-getter. We should see if one of these people would reply to us. Yeah. What was that girl's name? Here's Meg Kozlowski. Spell that. M-E-G-K-O-Z-L-O-W-S-K-I.

All one word. All right. Everyone, listen right now. Tweet at Meg Kozlowski, or whatever her name is, and say, we love you. I bet it's cold there. Hashtag Cox and Crandor in the morning. Boom. Be nice to her.

Don't be mean. Yeah. Yeah. We don't need people coming on this and being like, Well, well, well. If it isn't Cox and Krendor in the morning. And then they're all like. All right, so that's it. So now I think it's time for a big new story of the day.

What do you got for me? Six things women love about men, according to Match.com on Yahoo. Ooh, this is good. We need to know this stuff. We do. Alright, hit me, hit me. Number one, she loves that you're a man of few words. Code, she wants you to shut

the hell up. Yeah. Strangely enough, if this was what men look for in women, this would also be number one. He likes when you don't talk to him about your day. That would be number one. All right, so basically what we're learning is healthy relationships don't really have a lot of talking. Sharing with your loved one you would think would be a good idea, but according to Match.com, not very good. Well, she says, it's no secret that women love to communicate with the men in their lives.

Women like to connect, and when that happens, they will melt, says Emerson E. Egerich's Ph.D. author of Love and Respect, the love she most desires, the respect he desperately needs. That makes no sense, what he just said, but okay. Wouldn't just human beings in general need to connect? Yeah, when she connects to you, she'll just melt. What? That's a nonsense phrase, sir. Well, he says, according to Dr. Egrich's,

women don't need a lot of verbiage from men. The truth is, your lady can get the same communication from you via eye contact. Tip number one, silently stare at a lady, gentlemen. They'll love it. Hold on, I'm taking notes. This is what I'm going to go. I'm going to go to a bar tomorrow night and just stare at women when they walk in. They'll be like, wow, that guy is connecting with me.

I feel like he's connecting with me. I am melting on the inside. I better not get too close. That's what they're thinking. Yeah. Number two. He's like the sun. I'll just burn up.

She loves your hairy body. Really? Wait, she likes your what? That's right. She loves your hairy body. Really? Wait. She likes your what? That's right. Go ahead and cancel that back waxing appointment. A study at the Zoological Society of San Diego. We went to animals.

And they love hair. It was weird. It says of people, not animals. But they went to the Zoological Society. It was a joke. Is that they went to... Oh, shut up. Alright, continue.

Revealed that women are more attracted to men with furry bodies, regardless of the silhouette. Scientists theorize that body hair advertises good health and active hormones, making it a positive sign in the selection of a mate. These are the... We picked the best stories today. The best. The best. the best stories today.

The best. The best. I need to do a study about actively finding a woman who loves body hair. Because to me, those women seem very scarce. They probably don't want you to be like overwhelmed with body hair

like a 40-year-old Italian man. Send your angry letters to We don't have any 40 year old Italian men listening That's our entire audience We're all like off eating spaghetti Our entire audience is spaghetti eating 40 year old Italian men who love cloned Hamburger meat

What the hell's the matter with you? You're ruining this for us Well I was just kidding Mamma mia He's a crendo He's making fun of us kidding just listen to Laura McNeely of Spring Texas I always love noticing that a guy especially a clean-cut one has a little bit of chest hair sticking up out of his Oxford shirt it's like saying I may have an uptight job, but there's a caveman lurking inside. Two things. One, she's from Texas.

Two, she said a little bit. That's code four. I don't want a lot, just a little hair. And they're saying like, you need to be Bigfoot. Get your back hair on, fellas. The ladies love it. Number three, she loves your unnatural emotional attachment to your favorite sports team. I like how they even call it unnatural.

She loves that you're obsessed over something so silly. Most men learn by their teens to downplay their obsession with professional sports in front of the ladies. But dating coach David Wagon says that revealing certain elements of your big league insanity to a woman will make her feel more connected to you. Men try to hide when our eyes get all wet during the last 30 seconds of a game, or when we see our fellow men get all emotional on the sidelines. But after a long season, we need that emotional release, Wagon says. And the truth is, women would rather see you get sappy over sports than never see you act mushy at all. It lets them know there's a sensitive guy underneath,

and if you are prone to hugging your friends after your team wins, you just added some bonus points. Hold the phone. You have a lot of problems, a lot more problems than holding in your emotions if you're crying when your sports team is either losing or winning. One of my friends is, like, super obsessed like that. Like, after the Packers lost one time, he went on his Facebook, was just like, the world sucks. Yeah, growing up in a Steelers household, right,

when they would lose to the Patriots, the worst team that ever lived, and they would lose to the Patriots, every day at school, John Pannard, I hate you, John Pannard, every day he'd be like, looks like the Pats won again, right? And I would hate having to go to school to hear his douchey comments. That's why I liked when, it has nothing to do with like, man, my team, I bleed for them. No, you just don't want to hear your asshole friend who's like, hey, your team lost, didn't he? Like, oh, I will kill you, Ronnie.

That's what happened being a Packer fan in Chicago, is I'd be like, the Packers won, and then when they lost, all the Bear fans would be like, huh? Huh? You suck? It's the same thing living in Ohio. You had the Browns. Every time the Steelers would play the Browns or the the bangles luckily both those teams are very bad but when they would win it was like the world had ended and everyone in the city was like well well well look what we got here and that's what

guys are concerned about when you see that tear they're like i'm gonna have to deal with so much crap tomorrow that's not emotion that's them getting kissed that they're gonna have to deal with a bad day on monday that's just about 99 of it it's not for, that's them getting kissed That they're gonna have to deal with a bad day on Monday That's just about 99% of it It's not for the reasons this guy says I feel like there's an emotional Evolument because it's like you watch them Every week, so it's like You get attached to that team because you keep watching

Them so you get to like learn about them and then you Just feel like, oh, like yeah, this is Like the team I watch It's the same thing with Political parties, you notice during this last Election, people voted is like the team I watch. It's the same thing with political parties. You notice during this last election, people voted really heavily on party lines just because they were affiliated with the party. Like, I'm a Democrat.

I'm going to vote for Democrats. I'm a Republican. I'm going to vote for Republicans. And it's getting to the point where it's like sports level of loyalty. That's what I kept saying, is like politics or like sports now are like, yeah, us Republicans got the Romney playing quarterback.

You better watch out, other team. And so it's that kind of level of like butting heads. And when you lose, you saw the people who were borderline crazy. Like it was stolen. It was robbed from us. It was robbed, right? And you also had the people who were like, yeah, take that, Republican team. But then you also had the crazy people who were like, I ran over my husband because he didn't vote for Romney.

Like that woman. If your guy gets upset after a loss, good. He's a natural guy. But if he sits there and is like sobbing like his world ended because a four-hour game on a Sunday didn't end the way he wanted to, and he didn't go like, well, there's always next week, I guess. Then he's crazy. And the independent parties and all the other parties are like the Cleveland Browns and the Kansas City Chiefs. The fans still root for him, but they know they'll never win.

Yep. Did you see the article about a Chiefs fan who in his obituary said, died a Chiefs fan and that he listed one of his death reasons as the Chiefs losing. A broken heart. This is amazing. Oh my god. Oh, yup. Alright, what other great tips do we have?

Number four, she loves when you act tough. While women often want an evolved, emotionally available man these days, putting a little wild man demeanor into your repertoire can equal popularity on the dating scene. Most women want a bad boy quality so they don't have to act perfect all the time, says Nancy Slotnick, author of Turn Your Cab Light On, Get Your Dream Man in Six Months or Less. That is a book women should use. Turn your cab light on so a man can get a ride.

After all, if a woman is afraid to be anything less than perfect in front of you, your relationship will be stifled and you'll end up bored. What? Stifled? Stifled. There we go. I corrected it. Stifled? Oh, my God.

Anne Giddens of Wilmington. We're moving on. Wearing the scar is stifling my movement. A lot of guys are total gentlemen on dates, so being with someone who mouths off a bit shows that he'll protect me if something happens. What? No. And that, in turn, makes me feel girly and taken care of.

It's a total turn-on. Here's the thing. This woman is just as nuts as the guys who are like, I'm crying over my sports team She's saying she's This look look I'm not saying Whatever this woman's name is has daddy issues But she's got daddy issues

The reason why guys Pretend to be gentlemen And something they're not on the first date Is cause they're actively trying to impress you When a guy isn't actively trying To impress you it means he doesn't care about you. Which I guess... It means he's Jeff, is what it means.

Yep. But it means he doesn't care. And so if you're like, oh, I think it's sweet because he's, you know, it makes me feel like he's manhandling me. That's probably what he is going to do to you later. That sounds like a broken relationship in the making. Nancy Slotnick, you are wrong. I'm not even a woman and I know you're wrong. Like, you just set back women's lib like 25 years.

Like, let a man just rough you up. Turn on the cab light. Let's move on to number five. God. She loves your artistic side. You don't need a massive paycheck to appeal to the ladies. They actually find the I'm working on a screenplay lifestyle alluring. One study found that artists and poets had experienced a total of four to ten romantic partners,

while people with less creative jobs had three. According to the study author, creative people tend to be less, or tend to be charismatic, and their artistic pursuits are particularly interesting to others. The study also found that the number of romantic partners an artsy type had increased when he spent more time on creative, right-brain pursuits. And you don't have to be a starving artist to appeal to women. Even if you're an investment analyst, you might play the saxophone on the side.

So flaunt that, hobby. Women dig guys with creativity. That's good news for us, but also entirely flawed and wrong. This is going well. I'm creative and highly immune. If you just start telling women that they look hot in those pants, but not as hot as the girl across the room,

you're perfect. And that I'm very hairy. You are very hairy. And love my sports teams unnaturally. And you want to ride them like a New York cabbie. No, New York cab! New York cab! All right, then.

New York cab. You got this. And finally, she loves your geeky electronics obsession. Your wall of speaker cords. Your closet full of video games. Your wireless universe. Believe it or not, the very things that women roll their eyes about can also be the things that

draw them in, too. When a guy shows a woman some new gadget, it shows his intelligence, says Andrea Miller, founder and CEO of YourTango.com, an online magazine about love, dating, and sex. It's also always attractive when someone has passion.

Mae Beach from Pine Hill, New Jersey agrees. Sometimes when I see my boyfriend working furiously at his laptop, it's the most endearing thing, she admits. It's like the difference between knowing a guy speaks a foreign language, ho-hum, and hearing him converse fluently in it hot so don't be afraid to share your excitement about a bit of computer hardware just don't

expect her to stand in line overnight with you waiting with bated breath for it to hit the shelves according to that I should be rolling in women. Just rolling in them. This article has taught me that outside my door, when I open up my front door, there'll just be women clawing at me. I mean, I can... Someone's knocking. That's you. That is you. That is you. Are you trying to tell me something?

Anyway, guys, that's it. is you are you trying to tell me something anyway guys that's it thank you for listening we will be back tomorrow so stay tuned till then and as always to be continued yeah