Cox n' Crendor Show - Cox N' Crendor Beta: Wednesday November 21st

Episode Date: November 21, 2012

We're getting ever closer to a final product! Still lots to work on, but thanks to all your amazing contributions we're just about done.

Hello everybody, it's time for Cox and Crendor in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. In 4 hour 40 studio hours. Recording. Wake your ass up, it's Cox and Crendor in the morning. Hello everybody, welcome to Cox and Crendor in the morning! Crendor in the morning! Hello there everybody, welcome to Cox and Crendor in the morning.

It's Jesse, that's Crendor. Hey. And it's bright and early on a wonderful Wednesday. Wow, we have a new theme song. Usually we start out with like making weird noises and stuff, but now, now I that's what got us us hyped up in the beginning that intro was like hello everyone welcome to our radio show welcome back to npr my name is jesse cox and today we'll be talking about butterflies if i would say so myself i really do enjoy butterflies on wonderful Wednesdays. Butterflies are the best.

You can make them into hats, or ornaments, or a nice brie. Or all three, if you're really feeling frisky that day. I don't really know what any of that...

So you're gonna make a butterfly into a hat, an ornament, and, let's say, cheese. Yeah, because when you are creative and really enjoy do-it-yourself projects, you'll do those things.

And if you have a passion for butterflies... You want to eat them in a cheese form! You want to kill them and mold them into a hat, and then hang one from a tree, and then, let's say, eat them. That's what passion is, folks. Eating those you love. I saw one lady where she was obsessed with carrots,

and she had everything carrots. That's totally different. You can actually eat carrots, so it fulfills all the requirements. Yeah, but she had things like carrot ornaments. Yeah, well, that yes, that, because it's a carrot. But she only ate carrots. This was a butterfly.

Well, can you eat butterflies? I assume people have. I don't know why you would want to. If you're in a survival situation, everything's fair game. I guess. All right. And the post-apocalypse, the butterfly cheese would probably be a delicacy, I think.

Mm-hmm. All right. So, yeah. Hi. Welcome to the show. I had some water already. All that cheese. All that cheese talk.

Listen, I live right by Wisconsin, so I'm used to that. Uh-huh. Not really. All right. So yesterday we finished talking about holiday get-togethers with the family. And before we had left, you had mentioned that you had an article for today. And we did this huge buildup so that people would come back and listen today. And I forgot what the article was called.

It was called, How to Discuss Climate Change with Your Uncle During the Holidays. That's what it was. Global warming. Uh-huh. If you're talking with your uncle, number one, don't blow hot air. I don't even know what this means.

Glaciers are actually growing. Did you know that? I didn't because everyone says they're shrinking. There are about 160,000 glaciers on Earth, and since scientists can't monitor them all collectively, they study groups of reference glaciers, according to the World Glacier Monitoring Service. That is a thing. The most boring job in the world, yeah. The average reference glacier has lost 12 meters of water, equivalent thickness, since 1980.

Some glaciers are stable, and a few are even growing. But many that provide key freshwater supplies are melting at an alarming rate. As glaciologists... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Alright, first off, one, this is a horrible conversation. And two, what is this topic asking us... I assume... I don't understand what it is.

I thought the topic said that glaciers were expanding. And the article is then saying that they're shrinking. I don't... It's what it says. Glaciers are actually growing. And then it goes on to say... Oh, is that what your crazy uncle would say? Oh. And then you're supposed to, like... This is what you're supposed to say to say. Oh, is that what your crazy uncle would say? Oh. And then

you're supposed to like, this is what you're supposed to say to him, but then it says don't talk to him about this stuff. What is going on with this article? Why would your drunk, crazy uncle be like, glaciers are actually growing and global temperatures stopped rising in 1998?

Actually, your crazy uncle would say, glaciers are growing, and it's all Obama's fault that we're being lied to, is what he would say. It'd be more like, you know what? Glaciers, they're coming to take our jobs. Is that Obama? We ought to stop getting over the border. That's what we got to do. Is that Obama?

Yeah, stop getting over the border. That's what we got to do. And when they do, you'll be sorry. It won't be the same America anymore. That's more of a realistic conversation that would happen. Yeah, right? And global warming is good for humans? Oh, so this is what he says. Okay, and what should you say to him?

Um, uncle, CO2 does boost plant growth, and warmer weather can initially benefit crops in northern regions, but this view ignores vast long-term dangers in favor of scattered short-term benefits. You see, climate change promotes extreme weather. Yeah, and your drunk uncle

would be like, oh, they're people. Yeah, and your drunk uncle, it would be like, all the people in effect is over in Africa. Like Obama. No wonder Obama cares, because he's a Kenyan. Welcome to our racist podcast. All right, continue, please, please. Don't treat your uncle like he's dumb, and don't be rude or condescending. Hold on. So this is a very one-sided article.

What if you're leaning the other way? What if you really believe that global warming isn't really a big deal and your crazy uncle is the one who's like, don't you understand? If we use more than one square of toilet paper, the world will die. Don't you get it? You should be using your hand. Well, then you can take some of this advice and don't be insulting.

Cite your sources. Don't mix science and politics. Cite your sources? You're going to cite your sources? Who is going to be like, according to Charles Nobenstein in his latest foremost book on planetary genealogy of the genome, it turns out that plants, I don't even know what the hell I'm saying, it turns out that plants are dying off at a faster rate because of the heat. What asshole is going to do that at dinner?

I don't know. It's the single worst thing published on the internet. Listen, all I know is on the right, they have today's most popular, and the number one is how do rappers freestyle on the spot. And I want to transition to that one. I'm almost willing to say we shouldn't. How do rappers freestyle on the spot?

Because they do it so much. It's that simple. No, no. It's that simple. You're wrong. That's not science. Oh, no. Do tell, scientist.

Let me know. Freestyle rappers essentially shut down parts of their brain that might disrupt their creative flow. So you're saying they get high as a kite and then talk until stuff starts to rhyme. Exactly. Good work, scientist. Whatever the subject, the rapper's brain's activated differently during the improvised flow versus the memorized lyrics which means if you're singing memorized lyrics Your brain is just gonna be like whatever if you're singing freestyle your brain becomes very

Creative and starts, but the crate the creativity comes from the fact that they keep doing it over and over and over again Just like anyone who who? they keep doing it over and over and over again. Just like anyone who learns to do something, they can move beyond doing it normally and try to do something different with it. So, for example, if you write books, right, or papers, you start off

writing a little paper and you suck at your first paragraph. The more you do it, the more you do it, the more you do it. Eventually, you can write giant masterpieces because you have so much practice doing it. And you can improvise. Once you learn the basic fundamentals, you can improvise. That's not a news article. This isn't like mind-blowing science.

This is fact that some asshole is like, I'm gonna use the same study that's been done a million times before, but just talk about rappers. The kids will like that. Pretty much the vast majority of studies are not that true. they're true they're unnecessary

well even like studies the like for example they could do a study on do apples cause cancer and they could be like okay everyone eat an apple and then they wait, like, a few months, and, like, three people get cancer. No, I don't think it would be a few months. If there's an apple that gives you cancer in a few months, that is a death apple. No, they wouldn't do that. They'd be like, apples cause cancer in a few months after consuming. No, there are studies like that that are over years. Like, eat a bunch of apples, and then in ten years we'll see where you're at.

Like, those exist. But no, they're legitimate studies. Like, there was one that I read, and every once in a while I'll cruise online and see what big scientific discoveries there are. This is a real thing. Diamonds and gift-giving of rare jewels increases a certain part of a woman's brains, like capacity for eroticism. Which is basically saying, if you give women trinkets, say diamonds, rings, necklaces, whatever, they'll bang you. And I, no shit. That's why you see the commercials on TV right now.

They're like, give her the gift of a lifetime, and then she'll give you one in return. She's like holding him. The guy's like, yeah, thanks, Diamonds. I'm going to get a blowjob. That's what this is. How is that a study? So what you're saying is we need to start a diamond company. start a diamond company.

Cox and Credor Jewelry Association of America. Jewelry dispensaries, we give them out for free. Like, they come gift wrapped. Women walk in the store and we just present diamonds to them. Like, welcome here. Have some diamonds. Z diamonds zip just go to town

that's what i'm gonna do with my retirement money that's amazing anyway all right all right i think i think that's a wonderful time for us to go now to the weather what's the weather looking like out there, buddy? If we type in 61421, we'll get the weather. What area code is that? For Bradford, Illinois. No, Bradford. I don't even know where that is, and I live in Illinois.

And that must mean it's, like, really far south where all the, like, farm towns are that nobody cares about. Well, so then it's a little hotter than where you're at. So what's our temps today? Well, right now it's 44 degrees with fog, but today it's going to be 61 degrees. Wow, we're pushing the temperature. 72% humidity, 20% chance of rain, so not very likely. There's a moon phase going on. It's a waxing moon.

What does that mean, buddy? What does the waxing moon mean? I learned that in high school. Uh-huh. And? That's about it. I don't actually. And that's the weather.

All right. Now let's go to Crendor in Chapter 7. Chopter? Chopter. He's riding a motorcycle right now in Chopper 7. Crendor, what's it look like on the roads on your motorcycle? Well, it's really windy up here today. You know, like Chapter 7 is just having some

problems. But, yesterday, the I-104 was pretty open, but today, everybody's taking the I-104, because it's just our reports yesterday.

So, people were like, oh, well, if I can take the I-104 to work today it'll be really good. But now it's backed up because of our show telling everyone to go that way. Thanks, Crendor, for that great news from your chopter. Now, back to Crendor. I think it's time for sports,

buddy. Uh, in sports, Jacoby Jones went to bed last night. He woke up today. Uh, he went to practice. And, uh, he's probably asleep right now. Sports! Sports.

Alright, what other news stories do we have? I know we have a big one. There was a big story that we had talked about before we went live. What, uh, what was that? Something on Reddit? Oh yeah. It was this Reddit Something on Reddit? Oh yeah. It was this Reddit article. I was reading it. Well, it's Reddit. It's a thread, not an article.

But it's this thread about this guy that posted, I was talking to a friend who works at Target who wouldn't share certain store policies with me because she could lose her job. So, Reddit, what are some corporate secrets you can now disclose about Company X now that you no longer work there? This is an amazing thing. I'm so glad we get to cover this.

I'm really excited. I'll let you know one right now that I can let people in on. McDonald's pre-sugars their french fries. That's why kids love McDonald's fries so much. I used to work there way back in high school. I think for a year, maybe, maybe not, maybe less than a year. But while I was there, the one thing I did learn from the managers who were always on drugs, the one thing I did learn is that the French fries, when we get them in the bag, they were pre-sugared.

So what they would do is they would fry them and then cover them in a layer of sugary goodness and then fry them again. That's why people love McDonald's french fries. I think if I ever created some form of food, I would just do that. Pre-sugar it. Yeah, exactly. Even if it was fruit or candy. Pre-sugar that.

Or water. Pre-sugar that. I mean, you got flavored water. That's pretty much. Presugared. Exactly. Presugared should be just a new word. Damn, girl.

Damn, girl. You presugared. Oh, I ain't just sugared. I presugared. Yeah, girl. You presugared. Thanks for that snap, buddy. Mm-hmm.

All right, so tell us about the article. What's happening with this thing? Well, number one I saw was Bed, Bath, and Beyond. The wall of towels is fake. There's a picture. Hold on, hold on. So the wall of towels, you mean like when you go into a Bed, Bath & Beyond, there's just towels, like bath towels and hand towels? Like if you were to open your closet and have a bunch of towels stacked, it's like that but a wall of them.

Like just all these towels on a wall. But if you pull out one of the towels a little bit, you'll see that it's just one towel and it's an illusion because there's like little foam things behind it. Well, see now there's conflicting stories of this because in the same Reddit post, someone says that that's not accurate. Well, someone says that

they disagree. They worked at Bed Bath & Beyond in San Diego, California for two years and they said their wall of towels is real. And that it had to be folded by hand every damn time a customer touched it. That's even worse. One is like the company's trying to pull one over on you, but multiple towels is like the customer can just destroy someone's day.

This guy says those security cameras, nope, not real. What? And which one? Where? And this person says except Target. Wait, no, wait, wait, where? Where are those security cameras not real? I'm pretty sure they are all real. Is that guy just trying to get people to rob stores? Like, hey, hey, no security cameras ain't real.

Trust me. Crime sprees all across the country and idiots getting arrested. Sounds about right. Here we go. I used to work for Toys R Us, and the majority of the rare toys that people try to collect usually don't even hit the shelves because the workers already put them aside for themselves. That's true. We were just talking about this earlier.

You got a Nintendo Wii. Wii U. And Wii, oh, I'm sorry, Wii U. There's a big difference. It's like saying you got an Xbox and thinking you got the Xbox, like, original. You got the Wii U, and the guy who worked there came up to you and said...

He didn't say it to me, but he, like, said it to the guy checking me out. He was like, yo, we got, like, only one Wii U left. Can you, like, put that on the side? And then he looked at me and was like, like he really wanted a Wii U and I think he was pretty high.

What are the ones that we have? It is common for restaurants to fill Heinz ketchup bottles with off-brand ketchup once the bottles are empty. That I did know. I had a friend who worked at IHOP, and besides the fact that they would make bacon every morning, like loads and loads of bacon every morning, and then keep it around for like half the day, and then just throw it back on the grill to heat it up before they served it, I did know that happened.

But I also knew that they had vats of like Jim's ketchup red paste substitute in the back, and they poured it into the Heinz bottles after people had emptied them. Yes, he was like, we did that every day, man. Right? I feel so wide

too. Oh my god. That's what you get for going to IHOP when it's not 3am and you're not drunk off your ass. Next comment is amazing. This is going to sound like bullshit, but my mother worked in a restaurant in Iowa at one point in her life and the restaurant did just that. They filled their Heinz bottles

with off-brand ketchup to save money. One day, a nice middle aged man showed up in a nice suit. He took off his hat as he came inside and said to my mother, Ma'am, I'm here representing Heinz and I'm going to test your ketchup. He would dip a toothpick in

each bottle, taste the ketchup, and say, throw this one out too. The restaurant had to trash every bottle of ketchup. Hold up! Hold up! Hold up! There is a ketchup inspector?

There is a ketchup inspector for Heinz. Holy crap! Dude, why is that not a movie or TV show? Like, they call him Phil Heinz Ketchup Inspector. Just cancel Whitney and put on Phil Hines Ketchup Inspector. Holy crap. That is amazing. So there's this dude who, see, in my mind, I imagine him being a character actor.

And he, like, walks in and he's like, it's the guy who played uh quark on that actor who played quark on star on star trek deep space nine he's like he lowers his hat and he's like greetings i'm here to inspect your ketchup and then everyone's like oh it's it's phil hines it just plays like the priceline negotiotiator thing. Just like Phil Hines, ketchup inspector. He opens up a case, and in the case is just like 18 different sizes of toothpicks all lined out. That may have been the best one. Here's former Office Depot technician. You bring your computer in for a $100 virus cleanup

We hook it up to the network and let some guy overseas fix it Most of the tech employees know about as much know as much about computers as the average 45 year old shopper That's what happened with my Apple TV. I was like Hey My Apple TV isn't picking up the network. They're like, have you placed it on a wooden thing? Because then it might not be getting a signal. I'm like, every device in my place gets a signal except the Apple TV.

Have you placed it on a wooden thing? Is it in a structure of some sort, sir? Sir, is there a roof over your head? Have you placed the Apple TV in a little box? Is it near the TV, sir? I was like, listen, it picked up fine for like a week and a half. And now it just stopped. None of my other devices have problems.

Just this one. And they're like, have you tried? And I was like, it's the Apple TV. It's broken. And they were like, well, if you take it to the Apple store, they'll fix it. So I went to the Apple store, and they were like, you have an appointment? I was like, no. The lady said to come here, and I could just exchange it for another one.

I like your Apple employee voices. Well, do you have an appointment? The guy's like, what do you mean you're going to need an appointment? I was like, oh, okay. And then I just went to a different Apple store, and they were like, yeah, sure, we'll do it. So obviously, the other Apple store is a lot better. Let me guess. I'm going to go on a limb here.

It's a lot better. Let me guess. I'm going to go on a limb here. The first Apple Store was in sort of the low-end mall, and the second Apple Store was in the one that only the filthy rich can afford to go to. Pretty much. Yep, that's an easy call. The one Apple Store I went to was outside in like an outdoor mall. Oh, so definitely

Filthy Rich. Yes, and it has like stores with like random names. Beach Without Water. And it's a perfume store. Yeah. And then there's just like a bunch of people walking around. You can tell they have money because they act like they have

money and they're like, look at me. I have money. You know how they have money and they're like hey look at me i have money you know you know how you can tell if a mall is for the filthy rich the number of candle stores they have when your mall has more than one candle store you know only people with like money just to blow on random crap go there this guy worked at walmart and he says this is the biggest secret i can share with the public believe it or not the floor associates have no control over how much of something is in stock that doesn't seem like a secret at all i think he's being sarcastic oh duly noted all right so what else is there um amc theaters complain about anything and ask to speak to a supervisor boom free ticket for next time wow that's a good tip i actually

had a friend who used to do that all the time it's like hey freaking the surround sound isn't really surrounding me i'll just i'll just leave and be like, there were kids talking the entire time. Yeah. That seems like a genuine, you can always get away with that. It does. Wow, we've figured out a loophole in the system. A massive loophole. We're like lawyers.

Are there any others? Because we're nearing the end of the show here, dude. Okay. This show flew by today. Are there any others? Because we're nearing the end of the show here, dude Okay This show flew by today I think because we talked about the most random garbage possible Highest quality non-content around Someone close to me works at Forever 21 They cannot ask or accuse you of stealing

They cannot do anything Even if they see you put it in their bag They can't really do anything Mall security won't handle it And they don't do LP They cannot contain you or chase you Again, to me, it sounds like these guys are trolling and you are going to get your ass arrested if you do any of this. Probably. That doesn't sound smart at all. That sounds like a stupid idea.

Speaking of Forever 21, remember when we went Forever 21 and we counted how many people over 21 there were? Yes. Trying to be 21. This is a good story to end this program today. Back during, I think it was VidCon or right after VidCon, myself, Krendor, Iamchieve, and Trish, her sister, went to Forever 21 because I guess they were looking for clothes or something. I guess that's why you would go there.

Krendor and I were looking for new styles is what happened. Yeah. And so we were walking around this mall in Forever 21. And before we got in there first, I don't even remember her, but there was a woman. And it's definitely an L.A. thing. She had the body of, like, a twig, but, like, size triple F breasts. And it was like, how are you supporting your body? Like, she was, like, bow-legged.

Like, she couldn't support her upper torso. I'm pretty sure her entire face was, like, Botox injected. Oh, she looked like she was like 55, 56. She was almost 60, yeah. But her body, everything from the face down was brand new. She's just like, am I pretty? Why don't people love me anymore? And so with that in mind, we were at this mall and we went to Forever 21.

And we sat there and we're like How many people do you think here are actually over 21? And the majority of the people Were obviously over We get it, you just don't want to get old We understand, but dear god The desperation The desperation seeping off the people in this store

Was horrifying Whoever came up with that name is a genius Right? That's our best year people in this store was horrifying. Whoever came up with that name is a genius. Right? That's our best year? Yeah, it's when I met my first boyfriend, Ronchenko. Ronchenko? I still don't know if that's his first or last. Is that his first name and last name or just his first name?

I don't know. Ronchenko Rivera. Exactly. Ranchenko Rivera. Exactly. Ranchenko Rivera. The third. The third. He was Italian. He was an Italian duke.

Yeah. And it was your 21st birthday and you were spending a summer abroad. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I think it brings back memories. You're like, oh, this silk pattern onesie. Onesie? I don't even know what that is.

Onesie is like pajamas. Sure. Yeah, that's it. This silk pattern onesie reminds me of Run Jango. I'm going to look that up right now. A onesie sounds like something you give a baby. Like a baby wears a onesie. It is.

Pretty much all of these are baby clothes. I think that's a good place to stop. That's when you know we've gone too far. There's no going back now. Alright guys, thank you for watching, for listening And we'll be back tomorrow with some more fun

And hopefully no onesies Tomorrow's Thanksgiving Oh, that's right I guess we won't be back tomorrow Which means we'll probably see you Friday, I guess Yeah Alright, so no show tomorrow because it's Thanksgiving Which means we'll probably see you Friday, I guess. Yeah.

All right. So no show tomorrow because it's Thanksgiving. Spend the day with your family and your friends. Talk to your drunk uncle. Right? And if you're not American, then sleep in. Just be like, what are they talking about? Yeah, right?

Why is there no show? Thanks. Who's it? If anything, it causes you to go to the internet to look it up. Yeah. Learn something. Learn you something. All show. Thanks. Who's it? If anything, it causes you to go to the internet to look it up. Yeah. Learn something. Learn you something. Yeah.

All right. Yeah. See you guys next time. And as always, to be continued.