Cox n' Crendor Show - Cox N' Crendor Beta: Wednesday, November 28th

Episode Date: November 28, 2012

It's hump day! So of course we're talking about a naked guy in Florida. Also we discuss the benefits of drinking water! Spoiler: It keeps you alive!

Hello everybody, it's Wednesday and welcome back to another exciting episode of Cox and It's the next Crendor in the morning! Crendor in the morning! Hello everybody, it's Wednesday and welcome back to another exciting episode of Cox and Crendor in the morning. I'm Jesse Cox. So exciting! And this is the one and only Crendor. One and only. Broadcasting live before a recorded studio audience. We are here.

I have a news story today to start out the day. Usually I don't do this. Usually I don't break the format. But today, I have to do story today to start out the day. Usually I don't do this. Usually I don't break the format. But today I have to do that because there's breaking news. Fresh off the wire. Fresh off the wire. Fresh off the wire. Yes.

Are you ready for this? Why would they ooh? Like, oh, damn. Well, they're just thinking. They're like, ooh, a news story. Well, they can do that afterwards because here's the news story. Okay. Authorities in Florida say they have arrested a man accused of running nude through a golf course and assaulted a convenience store worker. On the 27th of November, the Pasco County Sheriff's Office said deputies responded to a report

that a man was running nude through a golf course. They then caught up with him at a 7-Eleven where he was allegedly insulting an employee still nude, and then he ran for it, stole a van, sideswiped a patrol car, and then they eventually stopped him, and the man, still nude, fled on foot. Eventually, they caught stopped him and the man still nude fled on foot eventually they caught him still in the nude so essentially it is like saints row it's amazing here's there's so much story to this that i'm mad we don't know about it because so it's such a new story. Essentially, a man got naked on a golf course, except he had boots on. So he wasn't there to go golfing unless he golfed some boots. I feel like he was like a groundskeeper or something.

He was like, balls to it. I'm done. I'm done. I don't care anymore. Cut your own damn grass. Stripped naked and then just went crazy. But here's the thing. He then goes to a 7-Eleven, assaults an employee, no clue why.

There's so much missing from this story. And it's because it's so new, I'm just, my mind is racing trying to figure out what I'm missing here. I feel like that's going to happen to all of America one day. We'll just all be like, F it. Strip. And then just go crazy, assaulting each other. What did I? Only in Florida.

I would be willing to bet he's on some form of drugs. I want to say it's bath salts. And he was actually zombified. Did it say how old he was? No, it just happened. It literally just happened. He's probably like a 70-year-old retired man. And he is just tired of life. He's like, I'm done. It literally just happened. It was probably like a 70-year-old retired man, and he is just tired of life.

He's like, I'm done. I don't care. Maybe he wanted to retire, but he couldn't. He ran out of his Social Security money, and he's just like, you know what? I got to work on this golf course. Then he's just like, you know what? I'm going to die soon. What? Your theory is nonsense. That's why

I come up with a theory. Your theory is like, what if it was an old man, and he was like, I'm gonna die, so I'm just gonna go crazy. I mean, isn't that what everyone does? Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

And that's pretty much the story. However, I noticed on the side here, because while we were getting prepped for today's show, I noticed on the side there was another article. And I don't want to usurp your role as news guy, but I don't know if you would have seen this. And it may be the best thing ever. I don't know if you would have seen this, and it may be the best thing ever. Chinese paper congratulates Kim Jong-un on being named sexiest man alive by The Onion. Apparently, apparently, The Onion, like, everyone knows The Onion.

The Onion is that spoof website that has a YouTube channel and their own podcast and all sorts of great things. The Onion, named on their fake newspaper, in 2012's Sexiest Man Alive, was North Korean leader Kim Jong-un. And then, because apparently China has no sense of humor, took that article and said America named him the sexiest man alive. Oh, misinterpretations. The website of this Chinese newspaper, to prove their point, had 55 different pictures in a slideshow proving his varying degrees of sexiness. Here it is, here it is.

Posing with military leaders. Aiming a rifle. Riding a horse. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Here it is. Here it is. Posing with military leaders, aiming a rifle, riding a horse, riding a horse, and riding another horse. So riding a horse is what makes you attractive is what I'm getting out of this. Yes. Should we go buy horses? I already have several. I purchased them this morning. Can I borrow one?

It's going to cost you. Damn. You can stand next to it and get proxy sexy. Okay. Just take a picture. I'll put it on Facebook. Right? If anything, women will think you have a way with animals.

Exactly. And then we'll sell them to the glue factory. Hey, man, kids got a paste. And that's how we start on Kim Jong-il and end on glue factory. Kim Jong-un, his son. I don't care. Although technically Kim Jong-il is is dead so he could technically have gone to a glue factory. That's true. And now we've depressed

and horrified everyone. Our work here is done. I've always wanted to depress people with my life. That's just... I think after today's episode, we will have done just that. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Hey, it's going on way too long. Way too long. Calm down, calm down. Way too long. Calm down. Calm down. Stop. Good.

They love you so much. I mean, I can't help it. They saw that picture with you and the horse, and they were like, oh, my God. So hot. I named him Clip Clop. And now he's in a jar face going drip drop. And now he's in a jar face going drip drop. Oh my god. That was a beautiful poem.

Where's the audience to boo that? It's not a Maury show. They didn't reveal that I wasn't the baby daddy. That's not what happened there. I mean, it's the same thing. I guess. Not being the father is the exact same thing as telling a really awful joke. It's exactly the same. The exact same thing.

Exactly. Oh, my goodness. All right. It's exactly the same. The exact same thing. Exactly. Oh my goodness. Alright, well that's all the news that I have that I brought today because I saw those online when I was just surfing the internet. I was like, wow, this we need to talk about. But that's not it for the show because right now we're going to go live to Crendor up in chapter copter 7 for the traffic. What's going on there, Crendor? Well, it's a Wednesday. People are depressed, so traffic is moving really slowly. If you want, there's down by the Royal Alley Road. Nobody can ever pronounce that road, but that's why nobody ever goes on it. So you can take a shortcut over there, and it'll lead you right to your destination. So that's going to be the best way to go today.

Thanks, Crandor. Royal Alley? How can no one pronounce that road? Royal Alley? They just say royally. But it's called Royal Alley? Royal Alley. No, like Royal Alley.

What? Okay, what is the name of this road? You might think it's Royally. You might think it's Royal Alley, but it's neither. It's Royall Alley. Like, I can't even say it. Hold on. Hold on.

Hold on. Is it Royal Alley? Like, Royal space Alley. No. Royal Alley. Yes, Royal Alley. No, like, R-O-Y-A-L-A-L-A-L-L-Y Royal Alley Royal Alley, yeah Royal Alley. No, but there's no spaces in it

Royal Alley Yeah, Royal Alley What? Listen, I saw an ad for a cruise ship, and it said Royal in it, so I just made up Royal Alley. It's not even real! What are we having this conversation? I don't know. Oh, my God.

All right, fine. Fine. Now let's go to Crendor over at the sports desk. How's it going, Crendor? Oh, it's pretty good. I don't really got sports news today, but I saw that the Eagles lost again and they suck now, so that's a story. That's it for sports. All right, and how's the weather out there? Broomfield, Colorado. Ooh. Today, Broomfield, you're going to have a high of 59 degrees Fahrenheit,

10% chance of rain, 15% humidity, 0 inches of snowfall. Sunrise is going to be at 7 a.m. Moonrise is going to be at 454. So I don't really know when the sun's going to set, but the moon will be up by 454. So if that's your thing, look forward to that. Here's a question. Broomfield.

Is that someone's last name that they made into the town name, or was it a field with stuff that was used to make brooms? Because I'm going to go out on a limb and say it was not a field of brooms. I mean, what pair of brooms? I don't imagine there were settlers, and they wandered in, and they were like, a field of brooms. By the way, a horrible Kevin Costner movie, Field of Brooms. Not very good.

I mean, what if, here's a theory. Okay, the settlers are moving through. They see all this amazing new land. And it's called like some Native American thing like Tahoe Loll. Tahoe Alley. Tahoe Alley. Yes. Tahoe Alley.

So anyway, they get there. And they're like, you know what would be better than Tahoe Alley? Broomfield. But they're like, why would we call it Broomfield? There's no brooms. It's just a big field. And then they went through, and they stuck brooms in the ground. That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard in my entire life.

I like how they thought the name and they're like, we can't call it that because that's just dumb. Hold on. And some guy goes up and just puts brooms in the field

and he's like, well now we can, dicks. Broom field. But, in theory, it could work. Well, that's the weather for Broomfield, Colorado. All right. Now to Crendor the News Desk. Crendor, what's our big news stories of the day?

Hold on. Let me get hydrated. Today's news story is sponsored by water. Drink it and you'll stay alive unless you drink too much of it. Today's news story is sponsored by water. Drink it and you'll stay alive unless you drink too much of it. In which case you'll drown. Yeah. Good job, water.

So that'll lead us, great segue into our article. Terrific segue. Six health mistakes smart people make. Oh, oh, so we had dumb people and now we have smart people. Mm-hmm. Okay, let's do smart people make. Oh, oh, so we had dumb people and now we have smart people. Mm-hmm. Okay, let's do smart people. Let's see what those brainiacs, what their problem is. Mistake number one, dropping pounds with diet drinks. A University of Texas Health Science Center study found that people who sipped

one diet soda a day for seven years were 41% more likely to be overweight than non-soda drinkers. The reason? Diet drinks often lead to overeating as people spend the calories they just saved on a second slice of pizza or a cookie. There's also evidence. I'm going to call. People got mad at me because I've been calling out signs of being wrong. I'm going to say this was a wasted study right off the bat.

Because most people who drink diet sodas Are already overweight And that's their justification for getting soda And still getting the Big Mac It's true Most people who are super thin They drink normal soda And just drink less of it

Very few skinny people are like I only drink diet sodas The only people who drink diet sodas who are super skinny Are usually women. It's a general statement, and I know someone's going to be like, oh, that's not right. But, you know, it's usually a fact. There's diet in it. Right?

And the cans are all marketed towards women. That's because even super attractive women constantly are bombarded with, like, you're never hot enough. So that's why they do that. Most men don't bother. And most normal people drink, like, you're never hot enough. So that's why they do that. Most men don't bother. And most normal people drink like a normal Coke. And then they're like, well, that was nice, but I'm good for the day. There's a lot of men that drink diet stuff. That's true, but they're all overweight.

Every single one of them. Every single one of them. And I mean, that's why I drink diet stuff, I'm not going to lie. I love Diet Coke. I. I love Diet Coke. I don't love Diet Coke. It's garbage. But I'll drink it. Diet Coke tastes so bad.

Like, I would rather... I tried Diet Coke, and I was just like, if this is what I'd have to drink, I'd rather just drink water. Like, that's what it is. It's mostly already overweight people drinking stuff to justify their overweight eating purchases. That's what that is. That's not, that's, this is stupid. This is stupid science. They're like, you know, there's lots of sodium in it.

It makes you fat. No, no. The reason why they're fat is because they already were when they started. I learned that back in my statistics class where most studies are like awful because it's the equivalent of being like, all right, let's study if cancer is caused by apples. Let's get like 200 people to eat apples. And then all those people eat apples and they watch them and like 50, like say like 30 of them get cancer. They'll be like, apples cause cancer. Even though they don't pay attention to any other factors that go into it aside from the fact that they made them eat apples. What did I read today? I woke up today and the very first thing that showed up when I did a news search was,

Grapefruit can kill you? And I think it was like, the headlines all were grapefruit can kill you. And so of course immediately you're like, well, I have to read this. And it's like if you eat grapefruit or grapefruit juice with a certain like combination of drugs, you can die. So first off, you have to be like ODing on all these other drugs in order for it to kill you. And it's just stop. Stop trying to scare us. Stop with your creepy facts that make no sense.

I'm done with it. I'm done with it. Science. You and me, we're enemies now done with it but the only science i accept is the kind where it's like good science like yeah in order to like get laid do this like good job scientist you've done it you've you've helped america jesse cox 2012 The only good science is the kind that's like, to get laid, you do this. I want that on my tombstone. I want to be, I'm this close.

We are this close to just becoming two old grumpy men. I mean, I felt like I was already there. You're there because you do the whole breakfast thing, and you only go to the same place every morning, and you get pretty much the same thing, and you read like, what are you doing? Fill up my coffee some more. Thanks.

Right? But I'm getting to Gran Torino levels of just bitter and angry. I just want to sit on my porch and do the gun finger thing to people who walk by. Like, get off my porch. That's my porch. You better keep walking. That's all you do all day? Just sit on the porch and give the angry eye to kids walking by.

That's my goal. I feel like I'd be good at that. And at the end of the day, you just go inside and talk with someone else about how many kids they scared off that day. I call you, I'm like, so, how many kids did you scare off? And you're like, there were so many kids!

They were everywhere! All over my porch! That's how we'll be. Anyway, the solution... Oh yeah, back to this thing. The solution to drinking diet drinks is sip water coffee or unsweetened tea if you crave a sweet taste add half a teaspoon of sugar or natural agave syrup to coffee or tea if plain water is too bland for you try flavor unsweetened water I drink these electrolyte-enhanced waters.

You drink smart water? Uh, well, it's a type of smart water. Uh-huh, and how's that working for you? Do you expend many electrolytes during the day? I guess shaking your fists at all those kids. Yeah. I mean, I need my potassium, bicarbonate, calcium chloride, magnesium chloride every day. Mm-hmm.

You do. I don't know what for, but some scientist probably says you do. Yeah, exactly. I'm healthier than you. You are. My water is from the thing out of my refrigerator. Ha-ha. Yeah.

That's just straight up la water actually what my water probably has all that and more probably if anything probably got many different things you probably have like antibiotics in it so i mean you could fight off those bacterial infections that come in the same water yeah if anything i'm helping myself it's like it's like when people you know in order to prevent the flu you have to get a little bit of the flu. That's how vaccines work. So if anything, I'm curing myself of diseases every day. I wake up, get a nice glass of water.

That is instant disease purification. You know, apparently the best thing to do when you wake up is drink a glass of water. It's the best. I do it because I wake up and my mouth's like going like that nasty mouth. Apparently you're dehydrated when you wake up. That explains a lot because I'm like water.

I love you. Alright. Mistake number two. Skipping the second opinion on a major condition. It could alert you to alternatives your first doctor never mentioned or even correct a dangerous misdiagnosis. The best plan

is to find an experienced doctor affiliated with different hospitals or practices. Oh, so like, if a doctor says you need major surgery, you probably should go see another one just to make sure? That's smart. Is it saying smart people don't do that?

Well, it says the solution is to sign up for an online consultation service. Try the Cleveland Clinic's MyConsult or John Hopkins University's Remote Medical Second Opinion. Rather than go see a second doctor, which would be smart so they can see you in person and actually figure out what's wrong, they want you to go online? Yes.

The whole point of a second opinion is going to see another doctor so they can run. Oh, my God. I just want to scream like, scientists! If you look up being a hypochondriac, I've looked up things online and diagnosed myself. Let me tell you, I've had cancer probably 14 times. Seriously, online, I'll look up stuff like I have this weird bump in my arm What is that?

Apparently it's herpes Apparently I had arm herpes at one point It's gone away now, so apparently herpes can also be cured Oh Yeah, I was like, weird reddish bump Type it in, like on skin First thing that pops up is like, weird reddish bump. Type it in. Like, on skin. First thing that pops up is like, you might have herpes.

I'm like, thanks, WebMD. Good work. The problem is like, the symptoms are such drastic differences. Like, you can put in like, I have a cough. And it'll be like, oh, you have a cold. Or you have lung cancer. Yeah, what a horrible. I guess they're saying there are doctors on call who will give you a second opinion online, but still, that seems stupid if you can just go see a live doctor. I guess it comes down to if you have the money or not.

If you don't have the money to see a second doctor, I guess you can go online. But if this is something major, like we have to operate on you in a major surgery way, I would say spend that extra money. Yeah. It's kind of your life. I feel like if it was something major, it would be like you have like constant pain or like something really bad. I don't understand. I don't get it, but whatever.

Okay. Well, can I ask you a question? Is this a real science study or is this a Yahoo science study? Because I've been really hard on scientists today, and I feel like I'm judging them based off something that's on Yahoo, which is not fair to do to anyone. I mean, there's no sources at all. Okay, so again, this is like, this is the same thing that happened yesterday. This is like, Phil, we need an article by five.

Gotcha, boss. All right, got it. All right, all right. My apologies to scientists. You clearly don't waste your time with this garbage. Number three. Continue discovering black holes. Quitting antidepressants cold turkey.

Maybe you're feeling good again, but abruptly abandoning them could saddle you with a flu-like symptom, such as insomnia, nausea, and a blue mood for at least a week. A problem called discontinuation syndrome. The solution? Don't give up. Here's the thing. If you're on antidepressants and you're feeling happy, it's because they're working, not because

you're cured. I thought this was supposed to be for smart people, mistakes smart people make. If you're on antidepressants and you're happy, it's because they're doing their job, not because suddenly you're better. I would imagine that when they wore off, you would get sad again and then realize

that the antidepressant made you happy. Isn't that what they're saying? They're like, so when you stop cold turkey, you're going to basically get really sick and depressed again. Well, yes, because that's what was speaking. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's like if a doctor is just like, take these antibiotics for two weeks and then you'll be cured.

Don't stop. And then you're like, oh, I took one. I feel better. I'm just going to throw out the bottle. When a doctor says take your damn pills, finish the bottle. That's the whole thing. Yeah. So stupid.

Again, I thought this was for smart people. Apparently. This is like, I think the Yahoo level of smart person is probably someone who is not very smart. I was just about to say that. Great minds. Yeah, their smart people are the idiots. They're not like us. I'm not saying that Yahoo News caters to the entire state of Florida,

but I'm pretty sure that's who their key demographic is. Number four, foregoing a follow-up. Fear and inconvenience prevent 30% to 50% of women from getting additional checks if a pap test reveals suspicious-looking cells. But catching a cervical cancer in its earliest stages boosts your odds for survival to 92%. Allowing cancer to spread drops your chances to 39% or lower. So again, it's like the equivalent of the pills, but in follow-up form. Yeah, like if you find something suspicious and you're too damn busy to follow up on it,

that's your own fault. If there's something wrong with you and you're like, look, I can't be bothered. You know what? Then enjoy. That's your fault. You caused the problem, not the doctor. You. And they're saying these are smart people.

These aren't smart people. These are not smart people. Number five. Wait, what was the solution? Oh, check in with your doctor. Yeah. Number five. Popping extra acet...

What? Acetaminophen? What? Okay, okay, okay. Acetaminophen? Okay, okay, okay. Maybe I'll be able to figure this out. I'll be able to continue reading and we'll try to figure this out. The label says 650 milligrams every four to six hours. So wouldn't a little more kick the pain faster? Acetaminophen is misused because it's considered

safe and mild, says Dr. Ann M. Larson of the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center. Hold on, hold on. Link me this article. I refuse to accept that you're saying any of this correctly. Acetofimofrin? I'm going to link it to you right now. Acetofimofrin.

Acetaminophen. That is a crazy... Acetaminophen. That is a crazy... Acetaminophen? I told you. What the hell is that? I don't know. Maybe this article is for smart people. Or this is the scientific name for bath salts.

I'm not sure which. Oh, it's Tylenol. Why wouldn't they just say Tylenol? Because it's for smart people. Acetaminophen? It's the equivalent of this person on the Yahoo article who's like, I want to sound smart, and they probably just went and typed in, like, Tylenol and thesaurus. Doesn't that have another name?

No, no, no. Apparently it is called acetaminophen. I never knew that. Today, you're learning something before you even get to your work or school location. I thought it was called something entirely different. I thought it was like para-something, like paracetamol or something like that. Not acetaminophen. What the balls?

You can't name something two different things. I'm looking this up. I'm looking this up. It says. That's what it says. No, no. I refuse to. Okay, okay.

Here you go. Tylenol C-paracetamol. Yeah, paracetamol. It says it there. But then in the description of it, it says it is an acetaminophen commonly known as in paracetamol. So how can it be both? In fact, it says here it's an acetaminophen paracetamol. It's A-P-A-P.

N-acetyl para-atham-anomal. Oh, my God. Listen, this is why I just make videos on the internet. I got nothing. I got nothing. How? Okay, whatever. Okay, so don't take Tylenol too much.

Good tip. Your mother should have taught you that when you were younger. Or if you like to read the directions. That literally say, don't take more in a certain period of time, yeah. Yeah. So that's some good tips. Number six, getting too tipsy.

Sure, a drink a day helps keep your heart healthy, but downing your week's quota on the weekend is a bad plan, University of Buffalo study says. Getting tipsy just once a month triples heart disease risk. Wait, wait. SUNY Buffalo? That's where I went to college. University of Buffalo.

That is wonderful. So basically they're telling the kids there not to drink. Spoiler, they aren't listening. Quote, alcohol is especially toxic for women because we're smaller we have more body fat and we have lower levels of stomach enzymes that metabolize metabolize alcohol in men do so women should drink less than men i never thought of that before. Good work, science. You're doing the jobs we don't have to do. Because we already know the answers.

And that quote is from Suzanne Thomas, a PhD of the Medical University of South Carolina's Charleston Alcohol Research Center. Wait, wait, wait. Is this like a multi-school study? Did they really? Did someone from Charleston and someone from Buffalo have to get together on this and like, hold on, we've discovered something amazing here. Oh my god. Susan, did you know that women should drink less than men because they're, get this, smaller

than men? And then transition to laughter. And then play the trumpet. Whoa. All right, that's it, guys. Thank you so much for watching, for listening, for joining us today on this Wednesday. And we will be back bright and early tomorrow for another episode of Cox and Crandor in the morning. I'm Jesse Cox.

That is what Crandor. And as always, to be continued. Drink your water.