Cox n' Crendor Show - Cox N' Crendor: Friday, November 29th 2013

Episode Date: November 29, 2013

It's out super duper one year anniversary, thanksgiving, black friday mega 90% off super sale episode! Did you know Alaska was a state?! You will now! Also find out what crazy people do with goat heads!

Hello everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trendog! This is Trendog in the morning. In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4-hour recording studios! Recording! Wake your ass up! It's the next Trendog in the morning! Hello everybody! What's up, next friend in the morning? What's up, next friend in the morning?

Hello, everybody. It has been one year to the very day, or days around that day, from when we started this podcast. And it's been several months since we actually did it regularly. It's been a bumpy ride. It's like a roller coaster that was really fun. It was going was going crazy ups and downs that just kind of stagnated so really it was a little bump every once in a while a very boring roller coaster very boring the beginning was all over the place then it's six months of nothing it's really less of a roller coaster, more like a cross-country trek. Yeah, where people died.

Families were born, people died. I have a sore throat. I have a sore throat right now. So every time you say a joke, my laugh is more your laugh than my laugh. So it's like... That sounds like you're dying. Yes, it sounds like I'm dying. So...

You can't kill me. Anyway, it has been one year, and we figured we'd honor this day by having a podcast and letting you guys know that we love you, we appreciate you, all of your questions and comments and nagging, annoying bits about when we're coming back. We're back right now. We came back right now. It's the Thanksgiving extravaganza. And Black Friday special. Yes.

Yes. I already remember our Black Friday special from last year. Well, I feel like we should do another Black Friday special. Yes. Because I'm really excited about Black Friday. I am too. Black Friday is the best. For those who are not aware of Black Friday, guys, I am too. and whatever other foods that we can put on a table at the same time. Yep. And acknowledge what we love about our friends and family

and remember that we killed those Indians fair and square and took this country from them. Yeah, take that. They weren't even Indians. They were Native Americans. They were the people that lived here. They were the original Americans. We're just like, is this India?

And they're like, no. And we're like, we're kind of Indians. Louis C.K. said that. That's actually, when I was in Belgium, the Belgians were like, hey, you should try our pommes frites. And I was like, you mean French fries? And they're like, no. I was like, yeah, we stole them from France, and then we named them Freedom Fries, guys, with the program. They did not find that as funny as I did.

Well, that's because Belgium is just like, I don't even know where Belgium is. It's in Europe somewhere. Is that like by Germany? It's very Dutch and French. Those are the two languages they speak. So it's in between them. It's in between those countries. Oh, there it is.

They're the chocolate makers. They're the makers of dreams. They're the Willy Wonkas of the world. So that's where Willy Wonka lives. They make great beer and they make great chocolate. And that's literally, I think, all they make there anymore. They have proved that chocolate and alcohol can fund an entire economy. Get on that, Obama.

By the way, did you know that Alaska is huge? Um, yes. Alaska is like a third of the size of the United States, if not half. Alaska is bigger than Texas, yes. Alaska is the biggest American state. I didn't know that. How did you not know that? I thought it was just like a state size.

I don't even know what to say. That's what I thought. I thought it was just like a state, like as big as Texas, maybe a little smaller, just like on the upper northwest. No, no, it is huge. We stole that from the Russians, Farron Square. Look, let us give thanks for that moment. That's true.

We stole that. We stole it from everyone. We stole it from everyone. We're coming for you next, Canada, and we're going to take care of you, Mexico. And then it'll just be North United States. North United States and South United States. Yeah, because what will happen is everyone in the South of the United States right now will get so angry they'll move to South America. Yeah.

Because, like, we don't want to be with them Canadians and or Mexicans. And so they'll move to South America, I assume to get away from foreigners? Question mark? Look, look. They didn't think it through. I've been to the future. It's crazy. It's crazy.

Cats are up. Dogs are down. But anyway. Picture Alaska and like picture polar bears and like Eskimos and Sarah Palin. First off, they're not Eskimos. Eskimos is racist. It's Inuit. Oh. They're variouskimos. Eskimos is racist. It's Inuit. Oh.

They're various different people. Eskimos is a racist term. I learned that by getting yelled at by Canadians. What are we talking about right now? We were supposed to be on Thanksgiving and Black Friday. Oh, yeah. Now we're getting yelled at by Canadians. Okay, okay.

Damn it. So anyway, the day after our day of thanks is Black Friday, a day which will live in infamy as the day where everything goes on sale and you're just supposed to go shop like crazy. And crazy is the most apt way to define it, because what happens is people lose their shit and just go nuts and just start knocking people over. They don't call it that because it's black like their souls. That's not the reason, but I feel like it should be. It should be. I feel like it should be. I feel like it should be.

The blackness isn't... It's the wrapping around the present of light, because they're doing all this for their family so that they can have a good Christmas. Yeah. That's how I see it. So you're saying that they have Black Friday Uh-huh.

right after they celebrate a holiday about how we don't need materialistic things. Yes, because we're thankful for what we have. Yes, go on. Yes. And then it's like now that stores start opening on Thanksgiving, they're like, hey, we're going to be open on Thanksgiving. Oh, yeah, no. It's crazy.

So Grandma's like, why don't you come get some pumpkin pie, Jimmy? And he's like, out of the way, Grandma. I've got to get a TV. He shoves her. She just falls down the stairs into a pit of sharks. Where the hell do they live? In her basement. It was an inconvenient placement.

She just happened to have sharks down there. I should have put those sharks right at the bottom of the stairs. Why did I build so close to the ocean? That's my sore throat grandma voice. You're a loathe of internet. But what's really funny is that now Black Friday is kind of Black Thursday. For those who don't know the tale, here's the legit reason why it's Black Friday. Basically, Black Friday is called that because it's the start of the time when businesses, for the first time, get in the black. Economics terms,

in the red means they're losing money, in the black means they're gaining money. And so from this time to the end of the year, till, you know, around Christmas time, companies, like big stores like Walmart and stuff, make a ton of money, and that justifies selling stuff cheap during the year. Like, that's how they think about it. It means they're making the profits. Yes. It means they're making lots and lots of money. And what happens is they lure people into the stores with super, super cheap deals,

and then people just buy other things that aren't as cheap. So, a really good example, watch the last few episodes of South Park. They're brilliant. They are Game of Thrones console, Black Friday spoofs. It's really, really good. They're very funny.

But as an example, if you will, right now, I don't. I feel like Walmart's behind the times. Walmart seems like they are behind the times. Right now, you can get an Xbox 360 at Walmart on Black Friday for just $139. What? Why? Look, they gotta get rid of them. They gotta get rid of them. That's true. They do have to get rid of them.

You can get a 40-inch LED Samsung TV just $300. $300? Right? That's a steal. That is a steal. You is a steal. You can go to Best Buy. I bet Best Buy has some good deals.

Yeah. Uh-oh. Black Friday door busters. Oh, this is where you bust the door down to get this deal because it's so good. And this is totally true. Totally true. This is people bust down doors to get these deals. It's not. You feel like this is just some sort of like, oh, they're just being facetious. No. People run people over to get these deals. It's not, you feel like this is just some sort of like, oh, they're just being facetious.

No. People run people over to get these deals. Yeah, they step through feces to be facetious. Yep. Uh, 39-inch TV, $169.99.

Whoa. Exactly. Exactly. Whoa. Laptops, $179.99. Whoa. This is crazy. This is crazy.

Convertible, laptop, and touchpad thing, $499. Regular price, is crazy. This is crazy. Convertible, laptop, and touchpad thing. $499. Regular price, $1,200. Shit. These steals. These steals must go. They gotta go.

So the general idea is that people go nuts. Americans go crazy because they like cheap things, which is evident by your new favorite show. I want you to tell people about this show because it's amazing. Okay. Oh, that was a segue for about this show because it's amazing. Okay. Oh, that was a segue for me. Yes, that's what that was. Well, okay. So, air this show on TLC, of course,

the best station for finding high-quality reality shows. What does TLC stand for? The Learning Channel. I always thought it stood for Tender Love and Care. Oh. Well, I thought it was the Learning Channel channel i learn a lot when i watch it it is the learning channel but i always thought that's what it stood for like a little tlc well i mean you learn a lot but not the things you'd think you'd want to learn about like what like extreme cheapskates where these people are just so cheap. This one guy, it's him and his wife's anniversary, and it's like 20 years.

I don't know how this woman did it. Oh, my God. She told the story of how they got married. Apparently, he needed dental care, and he didn't have dental insurance, and they got married. And the very next day, he used her dental insurance to go get his teeth fixed. That is not me fapping it. That is me clapping Because I approve of how hilarious that is

I can't laugh as buoyantly as usual So he went dumpster diving He found her some slightly old flowers He got her a card Where it was like Hey happy birthday Janet And he like taped over it Like happy anniversary

And then scratched out their name and wrote hers. And then at the dinner, she's like, just please don't go take the other people's food. That's embarrassing. That's a present within itself. And he went around and took the other people's food. He's like, I'm not letting good food go to waste. He goes around. He like started taking people's food and he's like, you got to finish that. And they're like, no. And he's like, all right not letting good food go to waste. He goes around, he started taking people's food, and he's like, you gonna finish that?

And they're like, no. And he's like, alright, I'll take it. So she doesn't do any of this, but he just goes out to dinner, and he just takes food? Wait, do they go there to eat their own food? They eat their own food, but he takes other people's food while he's there. So does he just get an appetizer, and then just sits and waits and watches? He's got a meatball sandwich. A meatball sandwich is pretty big. It is.

Oh my god. And then there's Jeff. Jeff's the best guy. He's like, you know what you could do is you could find some spare change around the house. So he like digs through his vacuum cleaner for change. He goes to the payphone. I didn't even know they had payphones still. He goes to uh... Don. I didn't even know they had payphones still he goes to uh Don't these people have jobs? What do they do? He retired he saved so much money from doing this he's retired So he used all the change he got to go buy some really cheap meat so he bought two goats heads haggle them down to 750 750. I can't even breathe. Oh my god.

I can't even breathe. You bought two of them. There's a steal. I can't breathe right now. I'm choking. Now you know how I laugh all the time. How can you laugh like this? It's very painful.

And so he got these goat's heads. The butcher guy, he's like, you got any, like, really cheap meats? He's like, like some livers or kidneys? He's like, I mean, I just, I got, like, two goat's heads. And I can give them to you for, like, nine bucks. He's like, I got $7.50. The guy's just like, sure, I'm going to throw them out anyway. So he takes them back. He's like I got 750 guys just like sure I'm gonna throw them out anyway the thing. What makes it even funnier? The fact that I vividly recall you and I watching an old Italian man cooking goat's head.

That's true. I forgot about that. And everyone around him was like, oh, it's the best goat head. That was different. This guy's like a middle-aged Italian man. These were like two old Italian men who, like, you knew they ate goat head, like, back in the old, like, Italian days. Holy shit. We need a side tangent for a minute.

Crandor watches chefs on YouTube YouTube And they're all really crazy But apparently they cook great But there's this one old Italian man Who's just like I'm gonna today I'm gonna cook the goat head And he serves it to people at a table And they lose their shit

There's like this old Italian man He's like Oh I haven't had the goat head in so long He's like Oh the bread it is't had a good head in so long. He's like, oh, the bread is so good. And they're like eating the tongue. It's so weird. That's the good part. It's not like they're just satisfied. Like, oh, yes, no, this is quite good.

They're like, oh, it's so good. It's driving me crazy. Like they were eating like pure like chocolate and like cake or something. What? I don't know. They were eating pure chocolate and cake. That was bastard. Fake mediocre chocolate. Pure chocolate. So Jeff buys these goat heads.

Yeah, I was about to say. Back to the story. And he prepares them up. He gives one to his wife. She's like, I don't eat the food whenever we have our money-saving week. And Jeff buys the crazy things just in case I need to call the emergency room for food poisoning. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What is money-saving week?

Oh, money-saving week. That's when one week out of the month, Jeff decides to conserve everything and kind of do like, he calls it the house cleansing. And you got your refrigerator. A lot of times you got a lot of stuff in there you just, you never use. So he's like, I try to get rid of everything and they don't throw anything away that week. So one tip is he makes his own deodorant. What he does. What does that have to do with stuff in the fridge?

Wait, what? So he had some old coconut oil. Apparently they used it for something. He's like, I'd use that. What does that have to do with stuff in the fridge? Wait what? So he had some old coconut oil, apparently they used it for something. He's like I used that, I saw a recipe on the internet and I combined that with some other something else, I forgot what he used. And then he used that as coconut oil deodorant and he's like that lasts you three times as long as what you get in the store. Wait how do you make coconut oil deodorant?

What? I don't know, just ask Jeff. Hold on, let me you get in the store. Wait, how do you make coconut oil deodorant? What? I don't know. Just ask Jeff. Hold on. Let me get Jeff on the phone. Yo, Jeff. No, Jeff probably doesn't have a phone. Here's how I imagine. Jeff uses those pay phones.

Jeff's internet is at a Starbucks. I'm convinced of all of this. Good story about that. Okay. So Jeff rides his bike, doesn't have a car. He also has a car. He also has a laptop. It's a very old Dell. And he was picking

up his neighbor's Wi-Fi. And he's like, I was gonna go ask him if we could split our internet bill by using the same internet. So he goes over to their house. They're two very old people. And she's like, hello? And he's like, hey, can we split your Wi-Fi? I'll, you know, I'll just use yours. And she's like, are? And he's like, hey, can we split your Wi-Fi? I'll, you know, I'll just use yours.

And she's like, are you going to be stealing my email? He's like, no, I'm not going to steal your email. She's like, my husband's a Scotsman, and he doesn't like sharing things. What? That's what she said. That's what I've heard about the Scots. They're selfish as shit. Well, that's what she said.

And she's an old lady that lives with them. I'll trust her opinion. Yep, yep. So Jeff's like, listen, I respect you. If you ever change your mind, you know where to find me. So Jeff tried to bargain himself into some nice Wi-Fi cheapness. Wait, did the wife eat the goat head? No. I'm really interested in goat head.

Apparently it's supposed to taste really good, but it looks horrifying. It looks like you're eating the devil's face. It's disgusting looking. But everyone's like, he's so good! Those Italians. With Catholics where they don't eat meat on Friday, they should eat a goat head because it's like you're

eating Satan and you're like, take that, Satan. It's like me with sharks. Shark, I think, shark is one of my favorite foods. It tastes like fish steak. Yeah. I feel like you're getting power because it's like you can't eat me, I'm eating you. Yeah.

You're putting them in their place. Top of the food chain. We're higher on the food chain than Satan. True story. Yeah. True story. True story. Jeff also made soap on a rope. Great. By taking some old

soap shavings of whenever you use up all the soap and he's got a little bar of soap left. He took all those, put them in his wife's pantyhose, and then squeezed it, and he had a makeshift soap on a rope here's my favorite part i imagine his wife is like those were those are the last pair of pantyhose i had now we have to go buy some new ones like no don't worry honey i'll find you some

these are perfectly still good once the soap on a rope is gone. She's like, I hate him so much. But I don't want to die alone. Does he have kids? No, they don't have kids. Oh, thank God. Proof, proof there is a God. Because these people should not be allowed to have children. There's the Asian woman

She she had a really good job. She was really educated everything lost her job and like all her money So now she's super cheap. So Well for good reason though. This is like the other guys just crazy. Yeah, like I saved money and retired now I'm gonna live like a crazy person Like, I saved money and retired. Now I'm going to live like a crazy person. She doesn't have gas on her stove because she doesn't believe in it. Wait, she doesn't believe in gas? She doesn't have air conditioning. It's very hot.

And she sleeps on a yoga mat. And she doesn't use toilet paper. She has a bottle of water that she washes herself with after going to the bathroom. Shut up. I can't even breathe. And she's like, toilet paper, you waste all the money. And so she gets this like, canteen of water and she just like, washes herself with it. But the ironic part is she has toilet paper.

Wait, what? Like she doesn't use toilet paper, but when they're doing the when they're filming this, she has toilet paper on the toilet paper roll. Wait, is this show fake? I don't know. I was very suspicious after that.

This show seems fake. They're probably like, alright, this is what we need you to do. Just pour water down your butt crack. They probably did. Did they show you her butt crack? No, they did show her in the bathroom, but then they closed the door. How do you know she poured water down her butt crack? That's true.

This is television magic. Magic and lies. This is television magic. I feel like all of it is probably made up now except for Jeff. Jeff is the only believable one of the bunch. The rest of them, they're all too conveniently crazy. Jeff, he earned that crazy. He earned it.

He works hard for that crazy. He does. He has eaten too many damn goat heads to not become crazy. How he went to the lost and found at a hotel. And he's like, I forgot my swimming trunks. And I asked them if they had any. And they did. And she was like, you know what?

You can just keep them. He's like, these have been my favorite shorts. So he just wears swimming trunks as shorts. The ones with, like, the mesh ball catcher? Like, they're just, I don't know what that means. ball catcher? Like, they're just... I don't know what that means. The difference between shorts, shorts,

and swimming trunks is swimming trunks have, like, built-in underwear. Oh, yeah. They have built-in, like, ball holder underwear. Yeah, that's what he had. I don't know what that's for, but there's two different things, sir. Two different things.

Well, that's what Jeff was wearing. Jeff likes, that saves him on underwear too. And when he wasn't wearing that, he was wearing his bicycle riding clothes and very high socks. One time he went to the market to cook dinner for his friends and he's like, how much for those? They're like $4. He's like, whoa, this is where the rich people shop where's your cheap stuff well then i guess there's nothing left to do on this holiday weekend then you're jumping over this got the grand door how's that traffic out there right now traffic's pretty crazy i'm looking down i see people running off the road

because they're trying to get their best buy to get some crazy deals out there. A lot of crazy deals. Someone just broke down a door and here comes a car. He's driving a car into the store and it looks like he's got himself an Xbox 360. So he's been waiting for one of those. Luckily he's finally able to get one and now he's getting arrested. Well that's a shame. Then there's some kids that are going to school. They go to a school that does not believe in being off and work ethic and America. So back to you. That's one of the things I forgot about was that I had mentioned during our tangent about Black Friday that it's also Black Thursday now. Where apparently businesses are like, you know what?

F Thanksgiving. Come shop here. And one of the places that's open, which I what? F Thanksgiving. Come shop here. And one of the places that's open, which I think is amazing, Pizza Hut. Yep. Pizza. Who is like, you know what we need on Thanksgiving, family? Pizza. And then one of the things they said was, you know,

a lot of families have dinner later in the day. So while they're watching football during the day, they can order pizza. And literally the first thing I thought of was, how fat do those families have to be that they can't wait to gorge on more food than they will ever eat? That they need pizzas delivered. Yep. I was like, that is the stupidest effing thing I've ever heard. Like, Thanksgiving is one of the meals where no matter who you are, you just eat too damn much.

It's true. That's just the way the meal is. That's how it works. People who don't get seconds, they get seconds. They always do. Always. Then you're like, well, now I gotta save room for pie. Right? Like, there's no one who's like, you know what I need? Pizza.

Especially not Pizza Hut. Especially not Pizza Hut. Especially not Pizza Hut. Especially not Pizza Hut. All right. Now let's go over to the weather desk with Quendor. Quendor, how's that weather? Weather desk is going pretty swell today. We're going to go to Turkey, but not just any Turkey.

The country? We're going to Turkey, Arizona. Jesus. Okay. Yes. In Turkey, Arizona today, we got a great Thanksgiving's day. We got 19 degrees right now, which is the nighttime slash morning time. But today's high is going to be 52.

Wow. Not bad. Not bad. So a very comfortable day. is going to be 52. Wow. Not bad. So a very comfortable day. When you're in Arizona, every day is Thanksgiving

because you're all retired. And you're just thankful to be alive. Yeah. It's like the rich people, Florida. And that's it for our one-year anniversary holiday show. Yeah. That's it. We came back.

We conquered. We talked a little. We let you guys know about a great TV show. A great TV show. We informed you about Black Friday and our taking over of America. You learned that Alaska is, in fact, a state. It is a state. A big state.

And you learned that we're always here for you. Always. We'll see you in a year. We'll see you next year, everyone. See you next year, everybody. Happy holidays. Happy Easter. Merry Christmas.

Happy leap year. Hanukkah. Merry Irish Day. I forgot what that one's called. Kwanzaa. Merry Irish Day. Ramadan. No, St. Patrick's Day.

I got to ring the bell. I got to ring the bell. I got to ring the bell. And as always, always, there we go, to be continued. Ring the bell.