Cox n' Crendor Show - Cox N' Crendor: Monday, October 21st 2013

Episode Date: October 21, 2013

We're back! From outer space! Turn that frown upside down and enjoy another "exciting" episode of non-content from Jesse and Crendor! Today the boys discuss Japan's sex problem, the return of Florida Man, and much much more!

Hello everybody, it's time for Cox and Crendog! This is Crendog in the morning. In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4-hour recording studio. Recorded! Wake your ass up! It's Cox and Crendog in the morning! Crendog in the morning! Happy, happy, happy, happy Crendor in the morning!

Hello, everybody, and welcome back to Cox and Crendor. Welcome back. It's only been eight years. I mean, three years. I mean, one year. I mean, five years? Around that. Yeah, around that.

Around that. We're back, though. Look, we had to wait. Look, nothing has happened over the summer. Nothing. Around that. We're back, though. Look, we had to wait. Look, nothing has happened over the summer. Nothing. Nothing happened. Yeah, nothing's happened aside from those things, but nobody cares about them anymore. Yeah, but they passed, so they're in the past now.

It's old. We're done with it. It doesn't even matter. If there's anything I learned about America, it's that when things get old, we stop caring about them. Right, Grandma? I don't want to be at the nursing home anymore. They yell at me. Deal with it.

And then they get old and they're like, I don't want to be at the nursing home. And their kids are like, deal with it. Meanwhile, in Japan, they take care of their elders. And you know what I learned today about Japan? What? They have a sex crisis. Whoa. This is a true story.

I tweeted it today. They have a sex crisis where apparently something like 69% of men and 49% of women aren't having sex, which is a weird statistic. 69%. That's not what I was saying, but it's very funny. No, I'm saying, like, I feel like it's strange that there are a lot less women missing out on sex. I say missing out because ladies are missing out. They're missing out.

But there's a good, like, what is that, 30%, 20% more men who are not getting any? Well, what's that other 20%? How are they getting it? Yeah. Are there just, like, two Asian dudes banging everyone in Japan? That must be what it is. That or the tentacle problem really is a tentacle problem. Because, look, I want to get on that action.

I want to go see those ladies and be like, hello. Look, 50% of that country is not getting any. And here's the reason why. In the article, it's great. Because it talks about how they just don't. I assume it's because they live with the elderly people and that just turned off. But it's also because of crazy things like

some guy can only get turned on by robots. Right? Because tent they like robots. Tentacle porn. Yeah. They've warped their minds with all the crazy anime that I bet to them I'm a golden god. No, I'm not. I like to assume that they're going to be like, oh, look at him.

He looks like a titan. And I want him to attack on me. And I would. I would. You would. But it's like, what about those places where they rub soap on their body? Well, that's also a weird thing, because apparently their culture, and this is something that I think we talked about this before, that Japanese culture, intercourse is frowned upon.

Paying money for intercourse is illegal, right? Yeah. like paying money for intercourse is illegal right yeah but paying money for everything else a-okay yeah so i guess that then leads to like men getting turned on by weird things like being rubbed on with like oil it's a loophole in the system it i mean it's obviously a loophole but but it's but then I guess that changes their, like how they view sex? Look, I'm just saying, Japan give me a week. Give me a week. I will set you right.

I will straighten you out. Give me a week, Japan. Straighten out-er. Yep. Give me a week, I'll straighten you out. That's your commercial. I don't know how we got there Yep. Give me a week, I'll straighten you out. That's your commercial. I don't know how we got there from old people, but I'd like to imagine there was a reason.

There's this old Japanese man. He eats his ramen, and then he goes down to the soap bar where they're dressed as, like, maids, and they rub him with soap. Here's the thing. He's like, this is all I want in my life. I have said this to many people on multiple occasions. I want to go to Japan just to indulge in all of those crazy things. Not for sexual reasons, because I think that's a little weird. I'm not going to lie.

I think that's a little weird. But just to say like, dude, I have two Japanese women just rub on me. I'm fully, look, you're fully clothed when they do it. It makes no sense. You're like in a business suit and you just lay down on this mat and then soap women rub on you. That is the weirdest thing in the world. That is strange. I'm just saying that's strange.

And I want to experience it. I mean, it's not normal. You don't walk down the streets and just be like, oh, there's a guy in a business suit being rubbed by two Asian women who are covered in soap. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe it is there. You've been to L.A. Yeah, you've been to L.A. That's a thing that happens here.

That's like the newest attraction in L.A. Actually, that's Disneyland. At Disneyland right now, Mr. Toad's Wild Ride is just Asian men in business suits being soaked up by women. And you just have to watch it. And you're like, what the hell is this? You see that? Ha ha. Come on, Pluto.

Oh, yeah, Pluto. I'm going to get some soap. Yep, yep. Well, actually, the reason why we decided to bring the show back now Is because Important things have happened Important new stories have developed And I feel like, right at the top here I need to tell you guys that I may have been mistaken

I may have lied to you And it's the responsibility Of a good news personality Which is what we are To tell you the truth Nothing but the truth So if you remember the. Nothing but the truth. Nothing but the truth.

So if you remember the infamous story about the guy, the muscle-bound dude, who threw the keg off the roof, and he was a trainer, and he's just this ripped diesel dude. Yes. Well, my parents came out here. Apparently one day they were in the elevator, and they saw this guy. And they asked him, they said, you know, hey, are you the guy? And the guy's like, I don't even know what you're talking about.

And they're like, you know, my son, he's a big fan of you. And he talks about you all the time. And I was like, oh, no, you guys did not tell him this. Apparently, they became buddy-buddy because my dad and mom told me afterwards that apparently this guy isn't a personal trainer. me afterwards that apparently this guy isn't a personal trainer. He is, in fact, a former Jacksonville Jaguar who is now trying to become an actor. Do you know his name? Here's the thing.

This is where that story takes a twist. Okay. When you came out here, we were in the elevator one day, and remember we were in the elevator with that other big black diesel dude with the fro? Yes. And his like Asian girlfriend? Yes. There are two that look, there are two dudes who qualify as big black and diesel who live in my apartment complex.

So I don't know if my parents talk to the right guy now. Oh dang. I wonder if he played for the Jaguars too. Maybe. Are they friends? Are they roommates? Maybe they were like a running back duo. He was Thunder and the other was Lightning. Back in the glory days of the Jaguars when they won eight games.

The thing I think is funny though is at first I was like, oh, wow, I guess I mistook that guy. But now there's another guy. So I could be right. My parents could be right. I don't know if they talked to the right guy because they are both, like, eight feet tall and made of muscle and just like, here's my buff Asian girlfriend. Like, they are living the same life in the same apartment. Oh, my God, are they doppelgangers?

I bet he brought one of the soap girls from Japan. I've never heard her speak, so she may not speak English. That's probably true. He's like, soap girl, I need you to soap up. He rubs on his big muscles. Look, I'm just saying I'm jealous. I'm really jealous. This guy is ripped.

He's like, muscles. Also, he wants to be an actor, which I think is very funny. I don't know. I don't know if he's going to make it, but, you know, I wish him the best. I feel like had he been good at football, he would still be playing it. He always dreamed of being on stage. While he was on the line, as he stared down the enemy, he said, What would Shakespeare do? While he was on the line, as he stared down the enemy, he said,

What would Shakespeare do? And his teammates responded with, Catch the damn ball next time, man. Yep, that's right. That's right. So I figured I would let you guys know that. The story is developing. It's a developing story.

I have to sit them both down. I need to sit both these gentlemen down and be like, alright, look. Which one of you is the trainer? Which one of you is the athlete? And how can I, you know, can we resolve this issue of figuring out which one of you is the crazy one who throws kegs? And which one of you is the crazy one

who just wants to be an actor, former football star? Yeah. I feel like that's something we need to find out. We need to do this. Next time we come out here, we'll leave... Oh, I have an idea. We'll invite them both to a play.

And that's where they'll meet for the first time. I'll be like, guys, I just wanted to get you together. And oh my god, it's genius. I learned that from Saved by the Bell. Whoa. Mm-hmm. I never saw that show because it was almost, it was a little before my time. A little bit.

All right, 12-year-old. I wasn't Saved by the Bell. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Bell was an asshole. Yep. That's not what that show is about at all. Alright, so I think that's enough of an intro.

I think it's time to go and chop the copters out of this castle. Grendor, how's that traffic over there? Traffic's kind of crazy today. The chopper copter is kind of squeaking today because it's so rusty from not being used in a while. And, uh,

oh, this is, this is, oh, man, I just hear some old internet sounds happening. It's practically like I'm on dial-up, you know, because it's just trying to boot up. Oh, yeah, there's traffic down there, too. It looks pretty good to me. Uh, I mean,

except for that car accident and then that truck that just drove into the river. There's nothing else happening. Back to you. Thanks, Grendor. Now let's go over to Grendor at the weather desk. Grendor, how's that weather out there? Weather is pretty great today. I just looked up the forecast for one of our favorite cities, Noodle, Texas.

Can we take a moment to pause? Okay. When I said, how's that weather out there, you said, there's pretty great today. I can't even. Pause. Okay. When I said, how's that weather out there? You said, there's pretty great today. Yep. Yep. Yep. That's English. Listen, I'm rusty.

There's pretty great today. It's like you had a stroke. There's pretty great today. There's pretty great today. That was pretty great today. That was pretty great today. You know what? I could have been talking about theirs. Theirs, Oklahoma.

You could have, but you didn't. We're in Noodle, Texas. What's going on in Noodle? Noodle, Texas is 63 degrees. It feels like 63 degrees, too, which is pretty good. Normally it's going to feel like something else. But you get what you get in Noodle Texas. You do.

And it's just going to be clear skies. Clear skies up until 9am where it's going to get cloudy. There you go. That's Noodle Texas. Noodle Texas. It won't be wet. No wet noodles. No wet noodles.

Nope. All right, and what about sports? Sports. We've got a lot of cool things happening in sports, like the Rams quarterback got hurt. Tim Tebow might go there now. Tebow time. Here's the thing.

Here's the thing. The Rams could use a little Jesus. I'm just saying. They could. They just need to find themselves some Jesus. I think it's a good state for it as well. Uh-huh. The Rams could use a little Jesus. I'm just saying. They could. They just need to find themselves some Jesus. I think it's a good state for it as well. Missouri needs it. Missouri.

As a whole. As a whole. Missouri needs to be saved. I'm just saying. Missouri, they are heathens over there. Very much so. Godless heathens. Mm-hmm.

Peyton Manning played his old team and lost, so that was fun. Suck it, Peyton. Yeah, take-hmm Peyton Manning played his old team and lost so that was fun suck it Peyton yeah take that Peyton Manning no more Papa John's for you he does all the Papa John's commercials he also does car commercials yeah he does those commercials where he's driving his car and he's like hey onstar 52 yeah he's like 52 onstar double QB endzone pass and it's like, hey, OnStar. Yeah, he's like, 52 OnStar. Double QB end zone pass. And it's like, thank you. Someone comes on the OnStar thing. They're like, Mr. Manning, we don't know what you're saying.

And he's just like, hut, hut, hut. Like, sir, that's not how you talk to us. Mr. Manning, we think you're having a stroke right now, Mr. Manning. All right. What is our big news story of the summer? Well, big news story of the summer. We got a couple. Of course, we got Florida Man.

Uh-oh, uh-oh. Stop right there. Continue with Florida Man. We don't need anything else right now. We take you now to the exciting conclusion of more adventures of Florida Man. Go on. All right. Well, we got two Florida Man articles.

Which one would you like? Let's do both of them. Let's do both of them. All right. Florida Man set self on fire while setting up burning cross display. Here's the thing. I like how they justify it by saying it was a display. It was a display.

It was an art installation. You know what looked really good in my front yard? A burning cross. Hold on, read that story. What happened to this asshole? A Florida man suffered second-degree burns after police said he set himself on fire putting up a Halloween display that involved lighting a wooden cross on fire. What? Ron Nielsen, 50, setting up the display with his wife outside their Palm Bay area home. Neighbors told police Nielsen was creating a circle of candles with a wooden cross in the middle when he accidentally lit himself on fire.

Here's the thing. It's nowhere near Halloween yet. I feel like this guy is just more of a racist or crazy person. He's probably like, this is that time of year I can put up my cross and nobody's going to give me flack about it. Yeah, but he burned it down. It's obviously he's burning crosses in front yards. It is.

This guy is obviously, I like how they're justifying it. Like, obviously he just wants to set up a Halloween display. Nothing wrong here, folks. Lord of Man was just helping out. Fire Marshal said that the area where Nielsen was setting up his display

was not properly ventilated, which caused the vapors and Nielsen's clothes to catch fire. Wait, was this not outside? I don't know. Was he trying to burn a cross inside? I guess he was putting it inside. It's like in his garage.

Don't look at my garage. One of them burning crosses. I assume it was a test run. Probably. He was like, well, I gotta see if this cross is gonna burn. Hold on, hold on. Daddy, there's no air to get in here. You shut up, kid.

They can't see through their hoods. They're just lighting themselves on fire. Damn it, Florida man. What's the other story? The other one gets even better. Florida man busted with alligator living in his hot tub. What? So,

wildlife officers removed the alligator soon after its discovery and said they have never seen such a thing. Deputies on a Florida drug raid were shocked to find an alligator living in a hot tub. They discovered the dangerous beast after serving a warrant Tuesday at a home in

Vero Beach. The animal was found floating in a blue plastic tub of sludgy water. Then there is Tony Wells Jr., who is the man who had the alligator in his hot tub. And drugs! let's not forget he was they went there for drugs yes it's pretty obvious a drug he's gonna

have an alligator in his hot tub I mean it makes sense here's here's what Tony Wells jr. had to say the alligator was already there when he moved in last year Wait, so he just, he's like, shit. Look, he has the right to be there. I ain't messing with that. It's just like, no, what? Just let him stay. I don't care.

He moves in. The alligator's like, ah, my new roomie's here. Holy shit. Wait, what if the alligator put an ad on Craigslist? Like, swamp creature seeking roommate. Must love outdoors. Here we go. Rather than reporting its location, he just continued feeding it chicken every day. That was the Craigslist ad.

Must bring own chicken. Gotta feed a chicken. How else is it going to live? Right? How else is it going to eat your ass? I love the fact that the theory here is that this alligator somehow got into this hot tub. Just decided to stay there. Like, I am moving.

This guy moves in and is like, oh, there's an alligator. You know what? I guess I have a roommate. He's like, sure, I'll just feed, there's an alligator. You know what? I guess I have a roommate. He's like, sure, I'll just feed you chicken. I feel, you know what? Good for him. He's doing it right. Also, a 26-year-old woman at the house was arrested on a cocaine-related warrant.

No shit! Yep. You don't say. That sounds about right. Oh, Florida man. Oh, my God. What other great stories do we have? Gravity tightens box office stranglehold with 31 million three-peat.

I brought this up because I saw Gravity yesterday. I saw Gravity for the second time two nights ago, and I saw it in IMAX 3D. Let me just tell you, that was mind-blowing. What do you think of it? Um, I just want to point out that there are... I agree with... I agree. I agree with Neil deGrasse Tyson that there's a lot of part of...

Oh my god, am I having a stroke now? You are having a stroke. There's space! Space! Stars! There's stars Stars Astronaut Um No I agree

There's some parts that That You're like That wouldn't happen Yeah Like the example of She The

The debris passes three times And she managed to live through all three Yeah There's no way There's The odds of that are They're never gonna happen But with that said So much shit happened in a row too Yeah times and she managed to live through all three. There's no way. The odds of that are never going to happen. But with that said, it's one of those movies

that is from the start to finish, you're like, that was the fastest 90 minutes I've ever spent in a movie theater. It went by really fast and everyone I saw it with was like blown away like, oh my god. It's like, yeah, it's pretty edge of your seat entertaining.

I think what people like is it's a edge of your seat entertaining i think what people like is it's a different type of movie too it's not like your typical typical drama movie it's like there's only two people i was reading an article about the director and he tried to get this movie made for a long long time and the hollywood like big wigs kept telling him to change stuff like um, yeah, no. Is it possible to have her have a love interest on the ground? What if the love interest is the mission control guy? And then he's like, no, no, that's not what this is about.

They're like, what if, what if, what if she is a he? What if it's two best friends in space? And they're like, oh, my God, no, that's not what this is about. Yeah. And I like how he fought for his artistic integrity. Good on you, bro. Good on you. Yeah.

That's what it's about. You know, you don't want the movie to turn into, like, this summer Will Smith and Eddie Murphy are stuck in space Can I just say that'd be a great movie? You're just like Welcome to Earth I'm flying away What? I like how our two characters that we created

Are basically Will Smith from Independence Day And Eddie Murphy from any movie in the 80s I picture him as like the donkey from Shrek. What? The donkey from Shrek. And Will Smith from Independence Day. Will Smith, I'm flying away. I need your help.

I want to see that movie now where the donkey, where donkey and Independence Day, Will Smith. They have another character. The guy on the ground is Martin Lawrence, but he's playing the guy from Bad Boys. So he's like, Mike Lowry. Right? Oh, my God, yes.

Look, I want this movie so badly. That would be a blockbuster. Hollywood would also take that in an instant. They'd be like, you got it. Right? So on the ground, he's like, my name is Mike Lowry, and I'm going to send you into space, Will Smith. Will Smith's like, I've been to space.

I killed aliens there. But I need to take my trusty donkey with me. And when they get to space, the radiation turns the donkey into Donkey from Shrek. Oh, my God. That's a good idea. He's like, I can talk now. And he's like, what? You can talk?

Oh, no. I bet we'll have fun adventures together. Oh, my God. That's a good idea. That's brilliant. And then the aliens from Independence, they come back, but they're all Shrek. They're all Shreks. They're all Shreks.

So the donkey's confused, and he tries to team up with the Shreks. The Shreks sounds like a horrible TV show. Meet the Shrek Oh and then Will Smith's son He's like He's the son And he talks to his dad And he's like

Dad I made a shitty movie Called After Earth Here's the question I imagine You're talking about Him playing the ball of gas at the center of our solar system. Yeah, I was. Okay.

So Will Smith looks out the window, and he's a giant sun. His face is just imprinted on the sun. He is the sun. Father, it is me, the sun. It's like that baby from the teletubbies oh or like space baby from 2001 yeah oh shit this movie's getting really good and then it ends with how space odyssey 2001 opens with all the monkeys yeah yeah nothing racist about that.

Were you the guy burning that cross? I wasn't even thinking of it being racist. Nope, too late. You're that guy burning the cross in Florida, weren't you? It's all making sense now. That's why you wanted to bring that story up. You wanted me to think that it was Halloween related, not racist at all. But I see through you.

I see through you. I was being racist. That's what's so insane about this. All right, what other news stories do we have? We got an amazing story about the best values in private universities. Uh-huh. And number one is. Well, it is university decision time for a lot of people out there.

Mm-hmm. Next year, they're going to go off to college or uni. They've got to make a lot of decisions. What's the best value? The best value of private universities is Yale. I don't know that's the best value. It's only an average net cost of $15,000. Oh, of course.

Of course. Then you've got Princeton at $20,000. Rice at $15,000. Oh, of course. Of course. Then you got Princeton at $20,000. Rice at $20,000. Harvard at $16,000. Duke at $22,000. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Question. Yes.

Yale is at $15,000. Yes. Then we go through two or three more schools. Then we get to Harvard at $16,000. Yes. Why is Harvard at $16,000 less of a value than those three schools before it or two schools before it at 20-something? Uh, wait.

Are they saying Harvard shit? Because, I mean, that would make me feel really good about not going to Harvard. Well. That's what I'm saying. Harvard. Look, you're garbage. You're garbage, Harvard. You're garbage.

You're garbage, Harvard. So, you can get an undergraduate enrollment at $6,600. But at Rice, you can get an undergrad for $3,800. Oh, so it's enrollment fees, too. Yeah. That's where they get you. You also have to be smart, I suppose. And a lawyer.

Ugh, God. I should have just gone to Yale I should have focused on school and gone to Yale instead of being a jackass and treating my teachers like shit yeah and Yale kind of looks like Hogwarts it does what look Yale is the Hogwarts of America

it is I bet they have wizardry in the basement look they got secret skull and bones operations going on there, so. It's true. Unless that's Harvard, and that's why it costs so much, because they have to keep all the skulls and bones. My favorite part of this article, however, is the comments. George says, buy a lawnmower and start your own company. George has it all figured out.

He does. George has it figured out. Yep. And then, here's the... This person knows some things. Uh-huh. It's Keith. And Keith says,

My son just graduated from Princeton. I'm a mechanic and own my own shop. Not exactly wealthy by any means. Typically middle-income family. We got no financial aid, all caps. The students at Princeton come from the wealthiest families. My son came from a local public high school. We got no financial aid, all caps. So he's saying you can't go to these schools unless you're rich. Well, no shit.

That's how they work. Way to go, go internet you solved it and Jeff says when I worked at a private boarding school I noticed they didn't have a scholarship program I asked the owner why he said it would change the culture of the school all the students came from wealthy families

and had a certain attitude an attitude of expected success he didn't want to pollute that with poor students who were envious of rich people. That's America summed up perfectly. That's America. It's all about rich people and sports teams. Oh, say can you see you guys next time.

Thank you for watching. We'll be back with another exciting episode of Cockroach Grandeur. And as always... I don't have my bell. I have a GG button. Oh my... To be continued.