Cox n' Crendor Show - Cox n' Crendor: Monday, October 27th 2014

Episode Date: October 27, 2014

In this episode, the boys discover the power of addiction on all it's fascinating levels. Also Jesse and Crendor help you decide what to do with your life and complain about Spain.

Hello everybody and welcome back to the next Crendor in the morning! What's up, it's the next Crendor in the morning! Hello everybody and welcome back to Cox and Crendor in the morning. Hey, how's it going? I am Crendor, the one and only, joined by you, Jesse Cox. We are a part of this show called Cox and Crendor in the morning. Are you replaced by a robot today? I do not. I am so happy to be here emotions i have them i just wanted to make it a very like a very uh i was gonna say proper way of introduction but there was nothing proper about that that was if that's what you think proper is i am very curious

as to your definition of proper because that was horrifying. I just picture people at the dinner table. They're like, is a gun held to his head? Well, welcome to the show. I am good, and I am me, and you are you, and we're on a show together. Nothing strange about this episode. Ha ha.

Ha ha. I always think of proper, actually proper when I, is like people at a a dinner table and they're just like, do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Like, pass me the fork, Alfred. He's like, yes, the fork that goes on the left it does. Like, that's proper to me. Here's the best part.

There's going to be someone Googling right now where the fork goes just to prove you wrong. Fork goes on the middle right next to the butter knife. So dumb. The soup spoon goes on the top and then the butter knife goes next to the knife knife but that's not next to the steak knife.

Trust me, there's somewhere someone's looking this all up and he's going to be like, Crandor, it's dumb and I looked it up on the internet so I know more than he does. Like, why did they,

why'd they even have that? Why is that a thing? Like, proper etiquette placement of utensils. Rich people. Rich people. I guarantee, I don't even need to look this up, because I know how society is. Yeah. It probably started because kings and queens kept trying to, like, outgrace the other nobles.

Yeah. And so what happened was this weird cycle of, I'm the king, and I have many different forks and knives at my disposal, and each one has a purpose, and I can afford them all because I can afford this silver, right? And then all the other nobles would be like, oh, well, we should definitely do that thing. And so it kept building on itself, and then everything, of course, had to have a purpose, right? And then, of course, I'm sure it was something like, oh, well, we should definitely do that thing. And so it kept building on itself, and then everything, of course, had to have a purpose. Right?

And then, of course, I'm sure it was something like, well, you don't mix your salad fork with your dinner fork. That's madness. When you think about it, when you're at home, you don't do that. But when you go to a restaurant, sometimes they do that, and you're just like, why are you doing this? Yeah. Why are you going through all this trouble?

That's because, you know what? That's because we're American. Yeah. We grew up on meats that had bones in them that you could hold. And if there weren't bones, we stuck a stick in it, and we cooked it that way. Yeah. And then sometimes people didn't like bones, so we genetically modified them to make them boneless. Yep.

And then we genetically modified bones back in, but the bones were made of meat. Whoa. Like the McRib, which we still haven't gotten. I don't think there's a McRib here, man. No. You told me McRibs were back. I looked. I drove to McDonald's for the first time in I don't even know how long and drove in and looked around and there was no McRib and I left.

No. I didn't even bother to eat there. I just left because I was disappointed in you. I was going to save the McRib story for later, but should I do it now? You might as well. Actually, before you do anything, I want to point out that I was told that

we forgot to mention Pierce was also a president with a P, and I'm a dummy and should just jump off a bridge. So now that's out of the way. By the way, again, no one gives a shit about P or C. Weren't you a history teacher, Jesse? You know what?

I haven't been a history teacher in years. Let me tell you, I left that world. I no longer cared. Being a teacher is like preparing for tests in school, guys. You spend every day of your life preparing to teach a new lesson every single day. And so you just get all the information you can and then you're like, all right, I'm good to go. And then you just keep moving on and moving on and moving on. And then when you're done with it, you never want to think again.

You fill your brain with so much knowledge that when you're done with it, you're like, I'm going to be an idiot now because I don't give any more shit. So now you've gone from like that person who's supposed to be like, he's an educator. Like, I know all the things, to some guy that just knows a bunch about stuff. Yeah, I know all the random facts of history that I enjoy. Facts of history that I like. Because I took so many, I'm convinced your brain only has so much room. And you've got to push other things out to keep things in. So now that I play games, I like to know game facts, right?

But when I was a teacher, I had all this edumacation knowledge, and I decided to keep some of it, like things that are important, like how people died and which people died while having sex. All that stuff is very interesting. Who did that? I think I believe it was Genghis Khan was having an orgy with his harem and then he just died. Like he choked to death or had a heart attack and died. Whoa. That always amused me. Genghis Khan. I think that was him. It might have been one of the other

barbarian hordesmen. But there's so many, who knows. I only know Genghis Khan, really. It was his brother, like Kublai Khan. Kublai Khan was his brother, like... Kublai Khan? Kublai Khan was his son, wasn't it? I don't remember. Look, he's a guy in Civ.

He's a guy in Civ. That's all you need to know. I was always like, oh, man, I'm going to play Genghis Khan in Civ because he's got a cool name. Then they're always like, he was a great murderer and evil person. I was like, oh. Did you know, I believe it could be one of those fake stats that people tell each other, but I believe it's something like everyone in fake stats that people tell each other but i believe it's something like everyone in asia is descended from gingus khan whoa and it might be more than

that it might be like two-thirds of the people around the world something crazy like his empire was so big and he banged and impregnated so many women that everyone has a little bit of gingus khan dna in in Asia, I believe is the stat. Wow. Yeah, it's something crazy like that. Like, I need to look up his quote, because he has a quote. Genghis Khan has a quote that is basically

the Conan Barbarian quote. He's got a shirt. It's like everybody's got a little Genghis in them. Yeah, Genghis Khan has, like he, I'm never going to find this quote. Look, I don't know the exact quote, but all I know is it's something veryhis Khan, like he, I'm never going to find this quote. Look, I don't know the exact quote, but all I know is it's something very similar to like crush your enemies and see them driven before you and hear the limitation of their women. Like he's like, nothing's greater than to take their families and take their women. Like that's, that was Genghis Khan.

He was that guy. Yeah. So he just, he just banged. Everyone had like a million harems. So he just banged everyone, had like a million harems. And so there's some stat that's basically Genghis Khan genetic legacy. Man, I'm getting into the deep end of. You're really going into Genghis.

Yeah. Genghis Khan, prolific lover, DNA samples, National Geographic. One in 200 men, direct descendants of Genghis Khan. Whoa. Someone saying that he has 16 million active descendants right now. Look, no, this one says he has more than that. So basically it doesn't matter. The internet is full of random numbers and factoids,

but the gist is dude banged a lot and then that's how he died. He died doing it. Died doing it. But there are a lot of stories about his death lot, and then that's how he died. He died doing it. He died doing it. But there are a lot of stories about his death. Some people say that's not how it happened. But I choose to believe that story because it's the best. I choose to believe that, too. Right?

Like, he just, I think it was like he got smothered by all these women, was like the story. Which is just, that's the stuff mangas are made out of. It is. I believe it's pronounced manga. Whatever. No, that's our character. Malario Manga. Malario Manga. Malario Manga.

Speaking of smothered, I've smothered myself in Warcraft the last couple days. I discovered several things about myself One, why I still love it And probably have an addictive personality Two, why I still hate it And three, why I am convinced The best term paper you could ever do in your life Is create a term paper that is called World of Warcraft, Alliance vs. Horde, and Peace in the Middle East.

Because I'm convinced you can study the way Alliance players and Horde players constantly hate each other and fight each other for no reason. They kill each other just cause. And relate that in some way metaphorically to the Middle East. That's a pretty good point. Yeah, and how peace is very hard to achieve there because of the constant retaliation and retaliation and back and forth. Like, you can't trust them and I don't like them!

It's the exact same thing in WoW. And I think something that's very interesting is the game all the leaders in the game Thrall and Varian and all of them are always talking about peace and how in the end they just want peace. But the players are like, F it. Nope.

And, you know, it's very much like the Middle East. Everyone keeps talking about peace, but it never happens. And I was like, that's a very good term paper topic for you students out there. I tweeted that. I feel good about myself. That was my – look at that. Look at that, assholes. Like, oh, Cox don't know no edumacation no more.

I do. I just gave you a good term paper topic. That's an A+. That's an A++. That's a solid A++. Plus, if your teacher isn't a nerd, you can write a good four, five, six pages alone on the mechanics of PvP and WoW and how that relates to player psyche. And there's all this stuff there.

And then you relate it to the real world. That's an A. That's an A. That's an A plus plus. Just load it up on filler about what the game is and describe it to them so they actually know what they're reading. Yeah, and then they can understand it. And you can say, like, even though it's orcs versus humans and other

races versus other races, really it's all, you know, metaphors for us as people. We can't have people. Each character represents a deep inner part of yourself. And people choose to be those avatars

because that's who they choose to be. Boom. There you go. We're just writing the paper for you. We're just writing the paper for you. You know how many term paper essay things I've written? A lot. Zero. oh a lot and i got pretty good grades on them i want to point out i was very good at that also i had a mother who was like that's what she did for a living so she would all like literally i would write a paper and then she'd be

like let me see that i'm like oh no and then we'd stay up to like 4 a.m and she told me everything i did wrong like every day before paper was due did wrong. Like every day before a paper was due, I swear to God, every day before a paper was due, she would get my paper, sit in front of her old ass computer and get on WordPerfect and be like, alright, let's see what you did here. And then she'd go through everything and be like, nope, this is

not how you do this. And I'd just sit there and be bored out of my mind. She was like, no, this is Jesse, this is incorrect. I'm like, what do you mean? She's like, look here i'm like oh mom and so i learned to write very good very good yep very good i learned to write very good i also feel like everyone's gonna be like word perfect what's this oh yeah that was before that was before your time, kids. Before your time, kids. I remember I was just pretty good at writing papers and nothing else. I got into one group where that was my sociology class where I played Pokemon.

So I had my laptop, played Pokemon, and then we had like a thing that was 75% of our grade, like the final project. And this one group was just like, we need someone to write our paper. The guy left, and I was like, I'll do it. And then I wrote and then i wrote it we got an a and i passed and all i did was play pokemon don't be like grendor kids as a former educator who then lost his memory apparently don't be like grendor and then one teacher in high school i was like junior year or something she was like don't use wik Wikipedia because that's not a reliable source. Use Wikipedia. Got a B plus.

Here's the thing. When I was a teacher, I would take random paragraphs from students' papers and plug them into Google to see if they came up. And 99% of the time, I caught people. Most of the papers I received were plagiarized in some way. So the first year of teaching, I became known as the teacher that you don't plagiarize. Here's the thing, kids. This is how you do it.

Here's the thing. If your teacher's young, they will catch you, unless they don't care, in which case they're just a bad teacher. But if they're young, they've done everything you've done. Trust me, when I was in college and stuff, there was times where I'd be like, you know, I'll take this information and then just change all the words. And then eventually, like, you actually had to do work. And you look back and you're like, oh, I probably should have learned to do this right the first time because now I have to do it and I have no idea what I'm doing. But you still learn from changing the words. And you learn new words.

Shit. So going back to WoW, I decided to play warcraft again and i was very excited i thought this would be a fun little thing and i played and for about four days i loved it loved it loved it loved it was like oh there's so much cool new stuff to do and it was great i there's a quest line for this guy called the black prince and he's a dragon man um i started doing it, and everyone was like, oh, well, in order to get all the stuff for it, you have to hit exalted with him, which is basically you grind reputation, which means killing a million monsters over and over and over and over again. Yeah. Of course, I start doing that, because I think this will be easy, and I find a group, and

we plow through it. We go from honored to exalted, which is two level bar things in about 35 minutes that's how fast we were going we were wrecking and everyone was like it took me weeks to do that how'd you do that i was like you know i got my connections so it was mostly because no one else was doing it so we had an entire island to ourself and we were just wrecking house and so what happened was is i go back to do all his quests and get this awesome cape that he has and everyone's just like oh yeah no you, no, you pretty much have it. I guess everyone had forgotten about the fact that one of the quests was another one of the many time sinks in MMOs, and this one was essentially run raids that you can only run one time a week.

Run raids to get a random chance for a random drop and you need 20 of them what and so essentially some people i went online to look this up because i was like can i do this in three weeks before the expansion comes out and they get rid of this quest line is that possible so i looked it up some people have done it in five weeks some people have done it in three weeks some people it has taken them 12 weeks. Some people still haven't done it yet, and they've rated every day, and they've been exalted the entire time because it's random. And so I was like, yeah, no, I'm done. Just quit for the day.

I was like, I'm done. There's no point in me doing this anymore. So I then realized, again, that's another reason why at the time I was like oh wow I can't do this right now and then after having said that I was back in the game playing I was like I'm addicted no

it's just like it's so much fun to just do that while you can play WoW while you're doing other things that's part of what I do too I can even work on editing while I play, or I can watch a movie while I play. I can't do that. Who are you? I don't know.

How do you play? Do you do anything? Maybe I just do both of them mediocrely. I would agree. I would agree with that. All right, all right. Enough with WoW. Let's talk McRib, because you said you had something with McRib, alright. Enough with WoW. Let's talk

McRib, because you said you had something with McRib, and it was important. It was an important McRib story. It was. So, they say that McRibs to experience limited distribution. They mean only in places where people are dumb enough to buy McRib.

Yeah, like the hottest selling McRib locations. So they say, for the third year running, McDonald's is giving their stores the option to serve McRibs for the holidays. McDonald's Boneless Barbecue Pork Sandwich is a menu item that's released once annually. It has been making its appearance in the menu for more than two decades, but for the past three years, the burger chain has been

giving their stores the option of not selling the sandwich. I assume because it is disgusting? The McRib always makes a grand entrance on our menus, and we don't want to steal its thunder, so stay tuned, says Comb, the McDonald's representative. She also says McRib is traditionally released on or before the first weekend of November as part of McDonald's fall lineup selling.

Oh, so it's not even out yet. Well, I guess not. But I guess they're just starting to pop up everywhere right now. They said, We confirm McRib will only be available at select McDonald's nationwide. So there's still going to be like a lot of them. They just won't be at every McDonald's. Oh, I see that.

I see. Wow. So apparently McRib Tracker, apparently that's a thing. McRib Locator. There's McRib Tracker. McRib Locator is what it's called. Around me in L.A. Now, L.A. is a very big city, yes?

Yes. In L.A., there appears to be one, two, three, four, five, six, seven possible locations that have question marks. But eight, nine, ten. Ten locations that, I'm sorry, three locations that do have it. But there are only ten total L.A. locations of McDonald's that have it. And I'm going to go out on a limb. I'm going to say that maybe these areas are, in fact, I'm probably right. Downtown Santa Monica.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Right near Culver City. Right near where the movie theater is. Yeah. Right off the airport. Yeah. And then in areas that are either known for hipsters or

stoners so that's pretty much that's the target audience of a mcrib it makes sense like uh i looked at mine and there's about one two three four five six seven eight eight and in all the cities with the rich people there's like none yeah. Yeah, yeah, because it's one of those things where it's like, I don't understand. If you live in a big city, if you live in the south especially, it doesn't matter what your socioeconomic standing in life is. It doesn't matter how much money you have. You should be able to find cheap, good barbecue.

If there's one thing America is known for, it's cheap, good barbecue. You must be, for example, this Santa Monica location is right next to 12 pot shops. You must be high as a kite and lazy if you can't go find real barbecue. Yeah. Help. Go buy a jar at the grocery store and cook something, anything, and dip it in barbecue and it's better than a McRib. But we still need to eat a McRib live. Damn it.

You go to that one. It's got a checkmark by it. You can have it. And I know one. I got a checkmark one. I'll go there. We need to do it. We need to do it for the sake of entertainment. Entertainment sucks. All right. Yeah.

So let's get to Chopped Copper 7 in the sky so you can tell us where to find those McRibs. Chopped Copper 7 in the sky. Get the traffic out there. Traffic's insane. People are driving all over looking for McRibs. This is madness. I haven't seen traffic like this since Black Friday. This is more like McRib Thursday, if you ask me. So we got, looks like Nerd Burglar,

as well as Ethan are down there fighting over a McRib. While Jeremy Kneebone, he just stole a McRib and he's running away with it. He just hopped into a car and he's headed home. Looks like he's going to have some fun times at home with that McRib and so is his colon. Back to you. Thanks, Crendor. Now let's go over to the weather desk with Crendor. Crendor, how's the weather looking? Weather today is a lot like weather. Don't tell me you're looking up a place called McRib.

You know me too well. So, uh, what about just Rib? Uh-huh. You know what? Let's go to Ribe? Reba? Reba Spain. We're going to Reba Spain today. How you doing, Spain? I'm sure we got some people

in Spain. Today, it's going to be 48 degrees. Wait, no, that's right now. Right now, it's 48 degrees. Tomorrow, it's going to be 78 degrees. It's going to be spicy meatballs tomorrow. But then the rest of the week looks like we have 73, 75, 78, 74, 70, 72, 74.

Then we drop to 68 a.m. showers. Peyton Manning calling the plays on the weather here. I'm curious about something. If we do have listeners in Spain, Spanish listeners, can you confirm something? When I was in school and I listened to the tales of my spanish teacher she would always tell us about how basically in spain people just work like half days and then sleep and then go out and oh yeah i heard that too is that true is that what happens people just like she's like oh yes the way when i lived in spain and she always had here's a real voice like hello, class.

But when she talked in Spanish or did her like Spanglish, she'd be like, this is how I talk. I talk like this with a little bit of something. It's like, what are you doing? And so basically she would say that every day they'd wake up and they'd have a little small like coffee or something and then they'd go do their job and then at lunch time they'd go home, they'd eat a ton

and then they'd pass out from eating and drinking and then they'd wake up at night and then go and party and then come home and wake up the next day and go to work for like four hours. And I was like, is this true? Because this sounds not true.

That does sound not true. But then again, I feel like a lot of Europe does that. If it is true, I am angered by that because America, we work to the bone. That's one thing that I do know that's true is thaticans work twice as much i believe the stat is like americans work twice as much as probably made up but it feels like twice as much as europeans but and get the money yeah oh and they get um less time off and they are more stressed and all that stuff i don't know i don't know i mean i think and i know other countries work less than us and produce more. I think we're just.

I don't know. I mean, knowing by me, I work less and I produce more. That's true. You don't work at all. Yeah. Somehow things exist on your channel. I just. I really just go by my motto of not trying.

Again, I don't know if I've talked about it on the show, so I'm going to talk about it. When you don't try, you succeed. Let me explain. LeBron James. All right? LeBron James plays basketball. But he practiced countless hours. Did you see him?

Did you see him practicing? No. No, you just got a hearsay. See, I got a hearsay too. Now listen. What? LeBron James. Uh-huh.

Yeah. When he's in the game, it's game time, right? It's time for him to go to work. He's shooting the ball. He's ranking in the threes. I don't know if ranking is actually a word, but he's hitting the three pointers. He's ranking in the threes. You're right.

Yes, he's ranking in the threes. LeBron James is ranking in the threes. He's ranking in the threes. You're right. Yes, he's ranking in the threes. LeBron James is ranking in the threes. If he starts trying, if he starts thinking about what he's doing, he's going to start messing up. He's going to be like, oh, man, I'm not aiming right.

I'm not using this hand on the ball correctly. And he starts messing up because he's overthinking and trying too hard. No, that's his muscle memory from years of practicing, teaching him what to do. And he relies on that. That's his instinct. He relies on that. And he feels that instinct because he's practiced so much. You're totally wrong. Yeah, but he's better than other people that have practiced.

Because that's natural talent. So are you saying you just need to be naturally talented at stuff? Yes. Find out what you're good at and do that. Yes, that's what I'm saying. Okay, here's my other analogy. You got a garden, right? You got a garden.

There's people who are like, well, to make a good garden, you got to plant the seeds and you water it and take care of it. You grow and everything. You keep the bugs away there's some people they can work very hard at just like putting the seeds at the ground and then they water it and they work really hard at that but they don't do anything else and then what if they work so hard they over water it and the plants die so you're saying practice but don't practice too much. Yeah, I'm saying work and work hard, but make it quality

work. So what you're saying is work smarter, not harder? Yes! That's what I'm saying. I don't even know how long it took to get to that point. People's lives are ticking down. Every day is a gift, people. Every day is a gift.

And you just wasted your gift listening to krendor gibber on about who knows what and you know what you're a few seconds closer to the grave you're gonna die and on your deathbed you're gonna say i should have not listened to that son of a bitch krendor i wish oh my god God, David Lynch needs to make a movie called The Garden. And it's just some guy overworking on different aspects of the garden and putting in too much non-quality work. It'd be amazing. By the way, I saw this David Lynch thing, and he was crazy in it. He was just like, what I like to do is work with people because you create new things that you cannot do on your own.

For example, I worked with my friend Gary and we produced this musical number. And me and Gary worked together and we produced this thing that nobody else can produce. Well, me and Jennifer, we worked together and we produced something nobody else produced. So in a way, it's like when we come together, we produce something nobody else produce so in a way it's like when we talk when we come together we create this podcast but if you were to replace one of us with someone else like total biscuit nobody'd watch it anymore they'd be like this isn't the same because it's not the same and that's what david lynch is getting at the problem with david lynch's story is that just because something was created doesn't mean it was worth anyone's time.

And I feel like that might apply here. Maybe. But he's David Lynch. Yeah, I'll listen to him. That's the weather. That's the weather. I forgot we were even doing the weather. All right, let's go over to sports.

What's happening in sports? Sports, I found a great sports story today. World champion arm wrestler Matthias Schlitt is now a star because of his arms. What's the matter with his arms? You've probably never heard of arm wrestling. World championship. I mean, I have. The world championships, no.

Well, the 27-year-old German Matthias Schlitte or something is sporting the world's newest... Wait. Is the sporting world's new superstar having turned a childhood disability into a weapon of dominance. Dude, nice. He was born with his right arm 33% bigger than his left. That is awesome. Look at this guy. So basically, he has a massive right arm that can destroy everyone.

I just linked to a picture. He has the God Hand. He has the God Hand. Oh, my God. Look at that thing. That thing is a beast. He decided to become a superhuman arm wrestler. That is insane.

I know, right? See this guy. This guy has natural. It's like Popeye. It's like Popeye. It's like Popeye. It is like Popeye. That guy is IRL Popeye. Here's the thing.

It's like if someone combined you and I together and just started. The first piece was the arm. That's what this guy is. Yeah. Oh, my God. Holy crap. That's awesome. Apparently his nicknames are Hellboy and Popeye.

Dude, Hellboy! He looks like Hellboy! That's right! Dude, he should paint that thing red and go in hardcore. He's won the last 14 arm wrestling world championships. Damn right he has! I bet they have a weight class or something, so he's in the best weight class. class or something so he's like in the best weight class there was i had a friend who was a wrestler in uh high school and he as a senior weighed 80 some pounds yeah and but he was 80 pounds of all

muscle with like a senior's frame and so he would wrestle like little punk kids and just like destroy them and that is this guy this is like the world series of baseball where they like they're like and here comes 13 year old jerry jones and he's like six foot five he's got like 200 pounds that's like uh that's like in football like little league football you see those guys who are just giants and like even the people like drafted into the n, they're like, and here comes 18-year-old Tom Thompson, and he's like 6'8", like 300 pounds. I'm like, what? Yes. That guy is really, that's your gift.

Like we were talking about earlier, that guy was put on this earth to do nothing else than to bash into people on a football field. That's what you were destined to do, my friend. This guy's an arm wrestler. Like, I'd do that to be like, you know what? I could own people at arm wrestling. You just got to find that natural talent. And some people are like, what if this guy was like, you know what? I want to go play basketball for the Chicago Bulls.

Well, you know, you might try. He'd get a lot of fouls. He'd get a lot of fouls. And it's like, you know what? Maybe try and he get a lot of fouls. Yeah. A lot of fouls. And it's like, you know what? Maybe that's not for you. Maybe you just got to realize some things like, you know what?

I might just be a bench player or I can go be the world championship arm wrestler. Guy is a bad-ass. That guy's bad. I knew, I knew when you started the story, I knew something was, something was up. I knew something was up.

Here's the thing. That may be our, our best. That may be the story of the day. That may be the story I knew something was up. I knew something was up. Here's the thing. That may be our best... That may be the story of the day. That may be the story of the day. That may be the story of the day. That's a good story. Granted, I did find a pretty great other story of the day. Can it beat a guy with a giant freaking arm?

It might. Oh, wait. Can I just say I was watching HGTV today. Of course you were. And there's this show with these brothers, right? And they're like twins. And they have like three shows. It's called Property Brothers.

And they fix stuff. And every time, they're like, hey, we're going to fix your house. And they're like, we want to find you a rundown house, and then we're going to show you ways to fix it up, and we're going to make it awesome. They always show the people, and the people are always like, I hate this about this about this house i hate that this has carpet why'd you show me a house with carpet they're like well we're gonna fix it up and remove the carpet they're like wow you can do that they do that every time and so when they're like hey i hate this carpet i'm like idiot they're gonna rip the carpet up here's the thing the problem with shows like that is they give people this fake understanding of how construction and home ownership works. On TV, yes, they can rip that carpet up.

In reality, sure, you can rip that carpet up. But underneath that is probably a mess, which requires then you have guys come in and they have to either do something with the floorboards or they have to, you know, like, depending on what you want, it's going to cost you money and time. And there's always, they'll always find something bad with it. They're just like, there's mold in your thing. It's going to cost you $5,000. And they're like, oh, man, I can't get my soundproof at a table room. And then they're like, but we can remove that mold. But you know that HGTV is just like, hey, we'll pay for that.

I guarantee they'll do that. Of course. Yeah. Which I'm just saying, hey, we'll pay for that. I guarantee they will do that. Of course. Yeah. Whatever. Which I'm just saying, I want them to build my house. My favorite thing is that show where it's – I can't remember what it is. Where it's like one person is a real estate agent and one person is like a decorator. Love it or list it.

Yeah, that show. And every time, all it proves to me is The families they have in that show are lazy Because they always find houses They're like, oh wow This was a really nice house I had no clue this was in our area Or they're like, wow The changes you made to our house are really great

You could have done either of those two things But you did not need to do this on TV I know You didn't need to do that I always thought that too but it's like i was oh i saw house hunters house hunters has like 98 seasons now because all they have to do is go find houses and film it like you know the production cost of that it's like nothing oh probably yeah probably nothing the highest cost is probably paying the people

to be on the show although Although, they probably don't pay them a damn thing. I know, they probably give them like a hundred dollars or something if they do. Go find a house. Man, why didn't we invent house hunters? Eh, we're both the least camera attractive people on the planet.

That's why we do a podcast. Damn right. Alright, So what is the story? Oh, yeah, that's sports. So the story today is Barnabas Davis has been arrested with 633 packs of Ebola-branded heroin. What? Yep. Accused drug dealer Barnabas Davis was apparently hoping to stand out from his competition. Remember how we were saying in life you're born with certain gifts?

If your name is Barnabas Davis, you must be a drug dealer. You're either a drug dealer or you're playing middle linebacker. Dude, I'd have Barnabas Davis on my team. Like they go through on Sunday Night Football, Chris Collinsworth's all like, I'm Chris Collinsworth, let's take a look at the players on the field and he's just like barnabas davis oklahoma state yep like that's a good football name either way when police in toms rivers new jersey arrested davis 47 on monday they allegedly seven again every time we do one of these stories, someone wacky gets arrested. It's always someone who's like over 40. I know.

Grow up. Grow up. Barnabas. Grow up, Barnabas. I guess if your name's Barnabas, you have a child forever. Yep. Well, investigators said they got a tip about drug dealing taking place in the rear suites of the Ramada Inn along Route 9 and executed a search warrant of Davis' room.

NBC Philadelphia reports. The Ebola-branded heroin doesn't actually contain the deadly virus. It's just a way for customers to ask for a specific type of heroin, according to Tom Rivers' police officer, Ralph Stackel. So they're just like, hey man, give me that Ebola. Yep. Different dealers have different potencies and products. Many times they are labeled with catchy phrases.

Like Ebola? Stocko, the police officer, told the Daily News, In the past we've had Bin Laden, Hello Kitty, DOA, Twin Towers, 9-11, Gumball, POW, etc. Give me some of that Gumball. Yeah, great, great, guys. Way to go. Way to go, drug dealers. You're doing it. You're really doing it. Davis, known as Hammer by some. What?

His name's Barnabas Davis. Why does he need to be known as Hammer? What? Again, couldn't be a middle linebacker in the NFL. Really? Why does he need? If your name is Barnabas, why do you need a nickname? Barnabas Hammer Davis.

Dude. No. Star middle linebacker on the Oakland Raiders. I'm just saying. They call him the Hammer. He's the star player for the Oakland Raiders. Fans love him. They invite him back afterwards to take some of that bin lotted. Oakland will take drug dealers at this point. Yeah.

Get him hooked on that pow or smack or whatever it was and send him out there. Well, he was charged with possession of heroin with intent to distribute, possession of crack cocaine, and possession of crack cocaine with intent to distribute. He's taken to the Ocean County Jail, $300,000 bail, and Ramada ends like, we didn't know about that. We should have gotten to him first.

We should have gotten to him first. We could have told him, why are you doing this and not playing football? Could have told him. We should have gotten to him first We should have gotten to him first We could have told him Why are you doing this and not playing football Could have told him We could have got to him We could have got to him We would have walked in that room And he would have been like

Hey man you want some of this 9-11 I would have smacked that out of his hand And been like no No Barnabas Barnabas No Don't you see Get your life together Barnabas

We would have sat there with him for hours As he detoxed And we would have slapped him around And be like Barnabas don't you see what I've done? We would have sat there with him for hours as he detoxed. And we would have slapped him around and be like, Barnabas, don't you see? And at the end of the next morning, he would walk out of that hotel and he'd be like, I'm ready for the major leagues. And we'd be like, yep. You know what? You should have been a motivational speaker. You missed your calling. I think this is motivation.

You motivated people to write their essays. You motivated Barnabas. You motivated house hunters to get lazy and do their own home projects. Is it possible to be a theoretical motivator? Because I haven't actually motivated anyone. That should be your job title, theoretical motivator. Theoretical motivator. That is a good job title. That's what I am. Theoretical Motivator. Theoretical Motivator. That is a good job title.

That's what I am. I'm a Theoretical Motivator. Sounds like someone's Twitter description. Mm-hmm. That actually might be my new one. Yep. All right. That's it.

We're done. Thank you guys for listening. We will be back soon. Very soon. With another episode. And as always, to be continued.