Cox n' Crendor Show - Cox N' Crendor: Thursday, April 18th 2013

Episode Date: April 18, 2013

The future is coming. And the boys discover most of is revolves around Jesse's attempts at getting a robot sex slave. Also, room 237 is discussed even more, since everyone loves a skiing Minotaur. And finally Crendor annoys Jesse with his damndable sound machine. Why? BECAUSE I BACKTRACED IT!

Hey, the following was filmed on Tuesday, but, you know, I had stuff to do, so... What are you gonna do about it? You wanna fight me over my Beeple sub? So you wanna Beeple sub me? I'll Beeple sub you! Enjoy! Hello, everybody! It's time for Ghost on Trend Dog! Ghost on Trend Dog in the morning! In the morning!

We're broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. In 4-hour recording studio. Recording. Wake your ass up. It's the next friend in the morning. We're in the morning. Hello, everybody. It's Tuesday.

Terrible Tuesday. It's the day when things are terrible. And then we try and do voices but we fail. So all the time, but especially on Tuesday. Especially on Tuesday. Yeah, so you had an assignment yesterday. I did. Did you watch it?

I watched it and it was great. Isn't it? Isn't it a wonderful movie? I love those kinds of movies. Okay, so I like how they start out. It's like some guy's, like, going to the theater for his experience, and they're describing his theater experience. But they use scenes from Wide-Eyed Shut. Or Wide-Eyed Shut.

Wide-Eyed Shut. That sounds like an 80s band. Eyes Wide Shut, sorry, to, like, show him. That sounds like an 80s band. Eyes wide shut, sorry, to show him. So you know this guy is some hideously deformed hunchback, but he's like Tom Cruise in the movie. He's like, I went to the theater that day. It's just Tom Cruise watching movies.

And he's like, I sat down in the theater, and when I was watching this movie, I was so into it. I was leaning forward in my chair, my seat. I was leaning so forward in my seat that I was holding on to the handrails, and I almost fell off. I was like, you did not almost fall out of your chair. This guy was so excited to see this movie. But that's when you find out that the movie you're watching, Room 237, is nuts. Because the guy's like, that's when I noticed it. The cans of corn behind him or whatever it was,

they had Indians on them. And they were in every scene. And he's like, this movie, it's about Native Americans. It's like, what? And he's like, you look at the poster. The poster says, like, the biggest horror movie across America or something. He's like, that didn't make any sense. It, the biggest horror movie across America or something. He's like, that didn't make any sense.

It wasn't a horror movie. And it surely wasn't across America. And then he's like, oh, my God. It's Native Americans. It's about us killing Native Americans. It is wonderful. And then it goes, the next one was the Germany guy. Yeah, he's like, don't you know that the whole movie is about, it's like Schindler's List.

Apparently, apparently. Yeah, the typewriter. Yeah, apparently he wanted to do, Kubrick wanted to do a Schindler's List movie, but they wouldn't let him. So he made this his Schindler's List movie, but it makes no sense. Like, these people are crazy. They're crazy. He's like, if you look, it's a German typewriter. I know Kubrick.

He was, like, my best friend. And I know he would do that. He's a German typewriter. Don't you understand? And then they start, he's like, and then, if you, room 237, don't you get, you multiply two and three, you get six, you multiply six and seven, you get 42.

1942, that's the year. That's the year of World War II. Bam. The guy was making all sorts of sense. My favorite one, the one that I liked the most, was that one woman who wasn't saying it was anything. She didn't say it was anything. She was just like, this movie doesn't make sense.

She was the one sane person. She was like, look, this movie doesn't make sense. There's things that happen in it that physically cannot happen on a set, yet they happen. I don't know if she was saying that Kubrick wasn't like some magician alien creature, but she was saying that he had the power to make things not. She's like, the boy moves from one side of the set to the other without a cut. How is that possible? How is that possible?

It's like, I don't, what are you implying? Like Kubrick is the devil. What was that one lady with the minotaur? She's like, the ski poster. I just realized it was a minotaur. I'm like, that doesn't look like a minotaur. I totally forgot. There's

this one scene they keep replaying because it has posters in the background and they're all like weird. Like the one guy who says it's Indian related, he's like, oh, well, weird. Like, the one guy who says it's Indian-related, he's like, oh, well, they're all Indian posters. And the other guy who says it's Germany-related, he's like, well, they're all Germany posters. But this one woman's like, what I didn't notice was that that man skiing was actually a minotaur. We're like, what? Like, oh, my God. It makes, that was a retarded theory.

And then. No, but her theory was, it was a maze. Like, the whole movie was supposed to be a maze that got more and more confusing the further you went in. And that's why he put a maze, like a physical maze in the movie. And why there was Minotaur symbology or whatever throughout the entire movie. So, like, you have to fight the Minotaur to get out of the movie it's like what does that even mean it's like the maze theory i thought was like good it's like the equivalent of like the levels of the different levels of like insanity right and that's what they were talking about like like each character has their own level of of insanity so

there's the boy who his path is a straight path he goes around like when he rides his bike that's how they explained it he rides his little bike in a in a square around the building and it's a one shot without a cut so that's his level of sanity and then there's the other level of i guess insanity where his mother it's him riding his bike but he goes from like point a to point b like magically without a, and that's supposed to symbolize his mother being, like, two different people. And then the highest level is his dad's complete insanity, where,

like, the path he takes over, like, goes over things that didn't exist before, and, like, it's nonsense. I was like, God! This movie's so good! That's like where he goes to the office and there's the window. But the window isn't actually a window because, like, behind there is, like, the building still.

Yeah, like, that was kind of cool. Like, I don't know what that is supposed to mean, mind you. It could just be, like, they were like, hey, let's put a window there. Because it would be stupid just to have a guy in a weird office without a window. But, you know, it could have been a set. Like, they could have went to an indoor set. I mean, that's put a window there. Because it'd be stupid just to have a guy in a weird office without a window. But, you know, it could have been a set. Like, they could have went to an indoor set. I mean, that's thing two. And just, it could be a movie mistake.

But in one scene, Jack Nicholson's character goes into the office of the guy who owns the hotel. And the office is in the middle of the hotel, surrounded by, like, building parts. Like, there's no way this could exist. But when he goes in the office, there's a window. Like there's no way this could exist. But when he goes in the office, there's a window and there's like trees and stuff outside. And it's like,

that could not happen. Cause the lady, she's all like, no, the window can't be there because I watched the movie 200,000 times. And I, I back traced the maps. Yeah.

They have like a website that it's like detailed maps of this, of this building. Because I backtraced it. And so. Wait, what? Because I backtraced it. Do you have. Do you.

I have a feeling everything you say now is going to be. I can't let you talk. Because everything you say is going to be a preempt for you to use one of those. That'll be me in, like, ten years. I'll be like Stephen Hawking, but I can still talk, I just choose not to. Because I backtraced it!

Because I backtraced it! Because I backtraced it! This lady backtraced the whole building. Because she backtraced it! And she's like, I figured out that that window cannot be there and then there's a subliminal messaging guy and he is like if you look at the one scene you'll see right when

they shake hands it looks like he has a raging boner yes that that was actually kind of funny i'm not even gonna lie he goes to meet his boss in this one scene and i guess the pen box on his desk lines up perfectly with his crotch. And so when they shake hands, it looks like the dude has, like, a giant, like, it's the exact same color as his pants, too. So it looks like he has a giant boner. And it's the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. And I was like, what does that have to do with anything?

Like, Cooper's just like, let's make this guy have a giant boner. Probably. And then that guy just said, like, a bunch of subliminal things. Like, you can see it in my new movie, but I'll give you one more. Oh, yeah, the guy who's, like, shilling out his own movie in a movie? Yeah. What a bastard. He's like, I'll give you one more, though.

And he's like, once Stanley Kubrick's name rolls off the credits, you can see his face in the clouds. I did not see his face at all. All I saw were clouds. I did not see his face at all. All I saw were clouds. I'm sorry. There was, like, usually, if you watch this Disney movie, and during this one scene you can hear Robin Williams say, all good little kids should take off their clothes or whatever it is.

Or in Little Mermaid where there's a penis in the stained glass or whatever. Right? Things like that. You can go and you can physically see them. Like, this is a guy's like, there's the in the cloud Stanley Kubrick's face like no those are clouds yeah you don't even like point it out he's just like if you're lucky you can see it watch my move yeah I was waiting for the arrow or something to appear there was nothing nothing appeared to show you where it

was I'm just like scanning the clouds, I don't see him at all. It's just, ugh. And then, of course, there's the guy who was like, watch it forwards and backwards, which was the best. That was amazing. That, I think, is the answer. I think that's, because that lined up perfectly. It did.

Like, it wasn't even, like, a convenience thing. Like, oh, it happened, like, a couple times. It's like a coincidence. It's like it lined up for a lot of things. Which is pretty amazing. So I was like that's cool. And how the beginning and the end are the same. And the dude has like a 200 IQ. So I mean he could do that.

I feel like yeah 200 IQ person that's what they would end up with. Like a movie you could watch forward and backwards and then at the same time he's like yeah I guess that's what i'll do i don't i don't feel i feel like if i had a 200 iq i would mess with people just so they'd make a movie like this he was probably like i wonder how many different types of like themes i can fit in this to confuse people well because he kept like removing things from the set and then like changing, changing things. And so people...

Yeah. I imagine he was just crazy. He was like, we don't need the chair in the scene anymore. But Stanley, the chair was in the... Just take it out. Like, okay. I feel like there's a few things. Either one, he's a genius and he was able to incorporate all these theories into the movie and make it playable forwards and backwards.

Uh-huh. all these theories into the movie and make it playable forwards and backwards. Two, he only meant for one of those theories, and the other stuff is just, like, randomly in there, and he's like, oh, yeah, I don't even freaking know. And then third, it's all crazy, and he didn't mean any of it. He just really liked Native Americans and Minotaurs and Germans. He was like, you know what I want in my movie? A skiing Minotaur.

They're just like, that makes no sense. He's like, just get the damn Minotaur. Stanley, we haven't found a painting of a Minotaur skiing down a mountain. He's like, damn it. Get me an artist. They hired some dude to make it. I imagine this entire movie was created so that he could have a picture of a Minotaur skiing down the town. Like, Stanley, if you do it for much cheaper, he's like, no, it's all part of the vision.

Ain't nobody got time for that. This thing is wonderful. It's only going to improve the show, I think. Yep. And that was the movie. All right, well, good. It was great. Okay, I think it's time we move on to Chopped Caps.

I'm the scout Skyward Grandeur. Grandeur, how's that traffic out there? Traffic today is looking good. I haven't flown the helicopter in a while, so it's kind of just freaking out right now. I'm trying to get used to the controls. But I don't know. I'm spending most of my time on these controls, and then I don't even. Oh, the engine.

Oh, the engine's gonna...... ... Oh, Crendor's dead. That is awful. Now back to Crendor. Crendor, what is going on in the weather today? Uh, the weather today is looking pretty great if you had to ask me. Well I am asking you, so. There is an earthquake in Iran, Pakistan of 7.8. In Iran, Pakistan?

Iran, Pakistan. And... That is in Wisconsin for people who don't know. And then we're going to head on down to Yardley, Pennsylvania. Oh. Yardley, Pennsylvania. In Yardley today, it's 71 degrees, and they got zero inch. Oh, 71 degrees?

Yeah. Damn, Yardley. Yeah. That's impressive. Yardley is, you can go out in your yard today, Yardley. Boo. Where's your boo? Boo.

Oh, I see how it is. You can't even boo yourself. Because I backtraced it! Oh my god. That is our new favorite thing. Because I backtraced it! That's from the guy that was like, you done goofed.

I love it. Because I back actually said it. There's also an ad that says, Why men want more free testosterone, and it shows a woman in a park, like, thinking. What? Yeah. She's thinking, so she's vulnerable.

I need my testosterone. Club over the head. Does she, like she have the testosterone? I think she's thinking about how she used to be getting some. I feel like testosterone, pills, and supplements that you see on TV are basically saying, like, hey, old man, are you not able to satisfy your woman anymore? Here, have this. That is what they're saying.

It's a subtler way of saying, stay manly without taking Viagra. But you may get a lot of problems. I feel like this is all the baby boomers' fault. I'm going to say it. Baby boomers, you're screwing things up for us. All the commercials, because there's so many of you, because America's filled with people who are now like 40 plus, there's so many of you that all of you are causing us

to have to watch your dumbass commercials that are like, my body is getting old. And rather than let that happen like everyone has for life in existence, I'm going to complain over it and take my low-T supplement. And oh, look, I'm a woman. I'm going to get plastic surgery and have my boobs lifted. By the way, all good things. Congratulations, science.

Congratulations, science. Congratulations, science. That took a weird turn. The more I thought about it as I was complaining, I was like, you know what? I'd rather have high tea, whatever that is. I mean, I enjoy the facelifts and the boobs. So, you know what, science? You're doing good.

Screw it. Fatality. Technology. No, it's fatality. Oh, wait, was it? I thought it said technology. Mortal Kombat. I thought it said's fatality. Oh, wait, was it? I thought it said technology. Mortal Kombat. I thought it said technology.

I couldn't hear it. I thought it said technology. I don't even understand what fatality means in that situation. I think I got a pitbull one, too. What? I don't know what... I don't know what that means, but it's Pitbull. I don't know. I'm going to look this up right now.

It's from some guy, and it means you already know. Oh, it's from Daddy Yankee. That's not even Pitbull. It's not even Pit- these were the OGs before Pitbull. Yatoosabe. Yatoosabe. Oh, it's Yatu, not Yaku? Yatu. Oh, so-

Oh yeah, you. All right, so- Yaku Sabe. Okay, yeah, you. All right. Okay. All right. I prefer Q. Today, we're learning how to speak the Cuban language. Or Spanish, as it's commonly known. You shall not pass! F.

This is what we got in Spanish. All right. I didn't even get an F because I dropped out of it. True story. America, educating our youth. All right, now, I guess that's weather. So that's a thing. Now let's go over to the sports desk.

Krendor, what is happening in sports? The NFL will release the full 2013 schedule on Thursday. Oh, did you see that one guy? The YouTube dude got picked up for his kicking. I don't know what team grabbed him. The kicker guy got signed by the Lions. Oh, God. Well, have fun in Detroit.

If there's any team that needed a player that could do things, it's the Lions. So, yeah, there's this guy on YouTube who, like, has amazing kicks. He got them kicks. And not shoes for you streetwise youth. Kicks as in, like, kicking ability. And nobody wanted to sign them. And then the Lions were like, you know what? We're really bad.

We could use the press. We could use anyone to get us tickets that are bought by people. And not wild dogs. Their stadium is filled with wild dogs every game. They're just waiting for players to die of exhaustion. They're like, They're just barking during the game. The security's like,

Shut up! Shut up! And then they just's like, shut up. Shut up. And then they just, like, devour him. He's like, what have I done? The hot dog vendors wear, like, full body outfits. Get the hot dogs here. They just get mauled. That's a high turnover rate for that job.

The beer guys are like, Why are we getting them drunk Why god Now they're drunk roving bands Of dogs wild dogs It's like Tokyo Jungle That's the Detroit Lions stadium It's just abandoned It's like trees and shit growing.

There's animals eating other animals. And then there's the one fan and his wife that have the season tickets and they've had them since like 1936. And they're like, we ain't moving. Detroit Lions. The wife's like, maybe we should go get another season, Harold. He's like, we ain't moving. Oh, Detroit Lions. The wife's like, maybe we should go get another seat, Harold.

He's like, we ain't moving. And there's like wolves staring at him like. He's like, shut it, wolves. Get me a beer. And the wolves are like. That's a true American right there. Shut it, wolves. Get me a beer.

American right there. Shut it, wolves. Get me a beer. But then it cuts to, like, his face, and then a single tear drips down because he hasn't seen the Detroit Lions win, and the reality just hit him, and it's just like... Uh-huh. Mm-hmm.

Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. What did I say? I said you would come up with dumb reasons to play your stupid thing. You set that entire thing up just for that. And it was a perfect setup. It was like tennis.

I served it so perfectly. Fatality. Fatality. Oh, I'm sorry. Technology. Fatality. Fatality. Oh, I'm sorry. Technology. I consider that a victory. You freaking bastard. That's sports.

All right, now let's go on to our big news story of the day. What is happening in the news? Got an awesome story. 27 science fictions that became science facts in 2012. 27? Oh my god. 27 science fictions? I like how that's... Those science fictions.

Yeah, it's 27 of them. And they happened in 2012. What are they? Let's go through these. Actually, let's just go through the best ones because 27 is a lot. Number one is quadriplegic uses her mind to control her robotic arm. Yes, I saw that. That is the coolest thing.

I got no hate. Science, you've done good. All that means is that in the future, I can have brain powers. You have brain powers in the future? Currently, I don't have any brain powers, but in the future? Currently I don't have any brain powers But in the future Oh my god I'm dying here You know what I meant It's like telekinesis is what it is

Yeah exactly Brain powers Brain powers. Brain powers. Number two. DARPA robot can traverse an obstacle course. Oh, is that that one crazy robot where you kick it, beat the crap out of it

and it stumbles but gets back up? That thing is badass. Also, apparently conspiracy people think DARPA is evil. So, stop being evil, DARPA. He looks like he's just a robot that has, like, human legs and robot arms. What? That's what he looks like. Once the robot figures out how to do that without all the wires, humanity is doomed.

DARPA was also hard at work this year making robots to track humans and run as fast as a cheetah. Well, we're screwed. We are. We had a good run, humanity, but our time is over. I, for one, welcome our new robot overlords. I do as well. Thanks, Obama. Thanks, Obama.

We know you're responsible for it. Winter is coming. What? That literally makes no sense in the frame of what we're talking about. Because it's like the robot overlords are coming. Why would that be winter? There's still going to be summer.

Because it's Game of Thrones. Alright, okay. You've convinced me. To explain all these subtle things that you don't have the brain power for. In the future I will though. It's true. Number three is genetically modified silk

is stronger than steel. That means you can have a dress and people try to like hit the dress and it'll just be like clang. You know what that means? Batman. Batman! We can finally have a Batman. A real Batman. I'm so excited.

But we're gonna have like a hundred Batmans Oh man if we have like a superhero era Like a legit Cause then they can use their telekinetic powers With their silk dresses Oh my god Superhero ladies I'm just saying

I've read comics If you're a woman and you're a superhero You always have like size triple Z boobs. Your body makes no sense. Your waist is, like, the size of this bottle cap I have. And you've got, like... You just have, like, a giant bottle cap. You have, like, 12 foot long legs.

Look, superhero women, I can't wait for you to exist. Get on that, science. Well, they're on it already. Oh, superhero women, I can't wait for you to exist. Get on that, science. Well, they're on it already. Oh, shit. Number four, DNA was photographed for the first time. Really? Using an electron microscope. Enzo Di Fabrizio

and his team at the Italian Institute of Technology in Genoa snapped the first photo. That sounds like a character from Assassin's Creed. Enzo Di Fabrizio. I'm telling you. Sounds like a guy that would make like Febreze just like Fabrizio the breeze I love how that's what you got out of the hats I mean he'd name it after his name. Number five. What is that damn sound effect? I'm backtracing it. Oh.

Because I backtraced it. Exactly. Because I backtraced it. He's from Breeze. Alright, next. Spray on skin. So for like burn victims. Dude, that's like at the end of Empire Strikes Back.

When they put the skin on his robot arm. Yeah. Dude. Actually, no, it's not at all actually. Shit. What movie is the one where he sprays on, he has a robot arm and he sprays on the spray for his skin? What is that? Terminator?

Is it Terminator? I don't know. Look, it's a side... One of these days when my brain power activates, we'll figure this out. We will. It'll be a great day. A great and terrible day.

I backtraced it! Because I backtraced it! That's not gonna get old. At all. James Cameron reached the deepest known point in the ocean. So basically, money. Money bought him a spot on that thing. Really?

He accomplished nothing. He's like, I got really far in the ocean. That's it. Good job, James. Good job. No, it's just Chuck Testa. It's just Chuck Testa. In the bottom of the ocean?

He's like, I found something horrible. It looks like a horrible creature at the bottom of the ocean. No, just Chuck Testa. That would be the greatest thing that ever happened. He just pops up. He's like, what's up, James Cameron?

This is being Chuck Testa. He's like, oh, is that an undiscovered creature? No, just Chuck Testa. He's just whittling. He's whittling down there like, I'm making a catfish. I have a catfish. I'm making a catfish. I have this picture of like carving a real catfish and then it just like floats away.

There you go catfish Chuck Testa No it's just Chuck Testa I back traced it Because I back traced it Holy crap. Okay. Them cells could extend human life by over 100 years. Yes. That's the kind of news I want to hear.

Look. Look, science. Let me live till 22. 22, what is that? Year 2200. 22. I think you're past 22. 22, what is that? Year 2200. 22. I think you're past 22. You know what I mean?

I was going to say the 22nd century, but it'd be 23rd. Let me see the year 2200. I want to see that. Look, can you imagine the shit that's going to happen in 200 years? Oh my God. I want robot sex slaves. I want... Look, my needs

aren't that many. I want flying cars, and I want spaceships, so I can store my flying car, my robot sex slaves, and I can fly through space. That's all he wants. That's all I want. It's not a

complicated man. I imagine when I get there, because it's going to happen. I imagine when I get there, what's going to happen is it's going to be a weird twisted reality where the only robot sex slaves are like Rosie from the Jetsons. She's like, I've come to pleasure you, Mr. J. Like, no! It's the the inception noise. Uh-huh.

That's what's going to happen. That's what's going to happen. That's the future. That's what that is. That'll, like, literally play when you say that. No! No! 3D printer creates full-size houses in one session.

Does it create the parts? It can't create the house. Yeah, it creates the parts. I was about to say, like, you'd have to be a giant-ass printer. Although, wouldn't it make sense to create, like, if the house was all one piece? Yeah. Then it would be... Using nothing but sand and inorganic binding to compound

The resulting material has the same durability As reinforced concrete with the look of marble Wow Dude, 3D printing is going to be the best When they get that worked out for everything Oh my god I saw one guy 3D print a wrench And it was a wrench

That was like You know how you can turn the screw bits in the middle so you can make the mouth wider or smaller? Like, that worked. Like, that part worked. And when he hit it on stuff, it didn't break because it was like, he said it's as strong as metal. I was like, this is the best. We are in the future, people. I'm very close to operating with full brain power.

Very close. Because I back traced it. Exactly. Exactly. Self-driving cars are legal in Nevada, Florida, and California. Yeah, but do they exist? You can't say, oh yeah, they're legal, but not have them. Well, it's Google that started test driving. Oh, well, Google's going to own the world.

Google's going to be that company that is in the future on all those signs, like the big pyramid buildings in all the future tech cities you see in movies that have, like, Oscorp and Dinocorp. It's going to just be like Google. That's our future. Get ready. It is practically here already, and I welcome Google. I welcome our Google overlords.

Yeah. I mean, we won't have to drive Google. I welcome our Google overlords. Yeah. I mean, we won't have to drive anymore. The car will drive for us. It's like having your own personal driver. Your personal robot sex slave driver. There you go. Look, I'm implying in the future I want to be able to bang my car. Is that a possibility?

Probably. Sure thing, Mr. J. No! Probably. Sure thing, Mr. J! No! No! Finally, Microsoft patented the holodeck. Are we going to get one?

They want to take gaming beyond a single screen. Oh my god, are we going to get a holodeck? And turn it into an immersive experience. Are we going to get a holodeck? Look, I will forego owning a robot sex slave if I have a holodeck. Well, Microsoft's idea of a holodeck is beaming images all over the room, accounting for things like furniture, and bending the graphics around them to create a seamless environment.

But I feel like that's just going to be like a projector then. Yeah, but eventually we might get a holodeck, which means, follow me here, what if it's like every time Commander Riker goes in the holodeck and he just ends up banging chicks? You make a valid point. Thank you. I feel like I do. Look, look, I backtraced it. Because I backtraced it. Because I backtraced it.

Exactly. My favorite part about that is he goes, because I backtraced it. He didn't backtrace it. He backtraced it. He even has a cyber police one. And you've been reported to the cyber police. The cyber police are coming for you i feel like this is gonna happen because of this episode it is is. Alright guys, that's it. We are done. Thank you so much

for listening. And we'll be back with some more Cox and Crandor in the morning. To be continued.