Cox n' Crendor Show - Cox n' Crendor: Tuesday, August 19th 2014

Episode Date: August 19, 2014

In this episode the boys promote their new patreon http://www.patreon.com/coxncrendor as well as learn why Crendor would rather stay in an Ikea than travel the world. Also, a girl crawls through a doggy door naked.

Hello everybody and welcome back to Cox and Craig's YouTube channel. It's the next Crendor in the morning! Crendor in the morning! Hello everybody and welcome back to Cox and Crendor in the morning. Hello, I'm drinking a vanilla coke. A vanilla coke? Mm-hmm. Is it a canned vanilla coke or did you go to like ye olde Soty Shoppy? I went to ye olde CVS and got a vanilla Coke there in the bottle. Was there an old man behind the counter

in like a white outfit? He was like, welcome boy! Can I interest you in a Sodi? And you were like, sure thing mister! That would be delicious! Sure would love a Sodi! A Sodi. And he was like, alright! Ah, they've just added new vanilla flavor to Coke!

You'll love it if you squirt some vanilla in! By the way, if you live in the Midwest, that's actually a thing that exists. They've just added new vanilla flavor to Coke. You'll love it if you squirt some vanilla in. By the way, if you live in the Midwest, that's actually a thing that exists. They still do that there. They still do that there, and I feel like everyone should have that. It's like a soda shop? Yeah. And they make ice cream there? Dude.

Dude, live in the middle of nowhere, and that stuff happens all the time. I'm in the Midwest, but it's like the focal point of the Midwest. Yeah, you're in like a city, though. You're in a big city. This is different. You gotta go to like Cornland. Youngstown, Ohio. Go there.

Go to Youngstown, Ohio. I'm sure they have it. It's always young there. Never gets old. Go there. It has been a while since we've done one of these, but we're back. Because we have an announcement! Starting right now.

Right this very minute. Right right now The polls are open Patreon's live Donate away I will be headed off for Two weeks on traveling But the minute I get back we will Start doing this hardcore full time So

We're going to be collecting your money in that time We'll be taking all your money And based on how much we get, that's how good those podcasts will be. If we get a lot, they'll be great. But if no one cares, you guys are going to get the Cox and Crandor book report show. It's like, what did you read out of your local newspaper today in the gardening section?

Did you know that there are nine ways you can get your turnips to turn out turn-rific? I only heard about Vidalia onions. Oh, those are good, though. Those are good, though. Oh, my God. This is what our show would be. People still listen to it. I love Vidalia onions.

They're so delicious. You could make a great salad dressing with them. What I like to do when I grow the Vidalia onions is get a nice, firm soil down, and I like to use ice springs water fresh from the ice springs in Colorado. The only kind of

manure I use when I fertilize my garden is man manure. I like to collect my poos and just pat them down. Pat them down. It's very organic. You know where it comes from. You know where that poo comes from. It doesn't come from cows that have been genetically modified.

That's man poo. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. If you're going to grow something, you better- Grow it with your own poop. You better grow it with your own feces. That's what I always say. Uh-huh.

Okay, so welcome back, everybody. What have you been up to, sir? What's our last get-together? It's been like a month, I think. I mean, I had my birthday. Uh-huh. Now you're older. Oh, that reminds me.

Okay, so the idiot abroad. I don't know if we ever talked about it on the podcast, but there's Carl Pilkington. He's my hero now. He's like me in 20 years. No, no, he's you now. He is me now. You're my Carl Pilkington. I am.

So I relate to him so much. Like he's talking about birthdays. And I thought about my birthday. And he's like, I just wanted to be at home and eat a bowl of chili and he's like everyone's like let's go out let's have fun let's do all this and he's like no you guys go out i'm gonna stay at home and eat my chili and you guys can celebrate my birth you know without me and they're like that's stupid and he's like well we do it for jesus Why can't you do it for me? I agree. I agree, too.

I don't like going out to celebrate my birthday. I always feel weird. I always feel like people feel obligated to come celebrate my birthday. I don't care. I don't care that much. You know what you can get me? Some quiet time. Yeah.

A day off is what you can get me. I hate when you go somewhere and they're like, it's your birthday. And they come up and they're like, happy birthday. Here we go. It's time it's your birthday. And they come up and they're like, happy birthday. Here we go. It's time to celebrate your birthday. Whoa. Here's the thing. I enjoy that when it's not my birthday.

The other day, some friends and I went out to Buffalo Wild Wings. And a woman came over. By the way, this makes no sense. A woman came over in a Buffalo Wild Wings jersey. And she's like, hey, I'm Tina. I'm your party coordinator. And we were like, what? She was like, I'm here to make sure everyone

in your party's having a great time. I think because we had eight or more people. You get a party coordinator? And so a person came over and was like, just here to make sure. She's like, can I get you guys samples of drinks? And I was like, whoa, you guys have samples of drinks? And so we made them make us all a sample of their, like, alcoholic Mountain Dew drink,

whatever that was. It was the worst. Anyway, so she's like, hey, guys, I just want to make sure everything is okay. And I was like, can I get a birthday cake? She was like, is it your birthday? And I was like, no, but I really like one. She's like, I can't give it. I was like, what would be the difference? If I didn't admit to it, you still would have given me one.

Can we just get a birthday cake? You're a party coordinator. We're obviously having a party. And she's like, I don't think to it. You still would have given me one. Can we just get a birthday cake? You're a party coordinator. We're obviously having a party. And she's like, I don't think I can do that. I'm like, well, that's how I got the free drinks, by the way. I was like, well, is there something you can give us? She's like, I can give you samples. So they gave us all samples of drinks all night long.

But I was like, come on. Come on. You're my party coordinator. Coronate some parties. Even some ice cream. It's a little thing of ice cream. Oh, that'd be great. I don't think they have ice cream there, but it'd be great I don't think they have ice cream there

But it'd be great if she went out and bought ice cream little ice cream cups for us Yeah, that woman would have got a tip that woman would have got a tip I was unaware b-dubs had party coordinators by the way for non-americans Buffalo Wild Wings is the best It is the best I remember no cuz I remember we had a party coordinator, and it was only two of us But they were like they didn't really care about us that were you so rowdy that you were just like I remember. No, because I remember we had a party coordinator, and it was only two of us. What? But they were like, they didn't really care about us that much. Were you so rowdy that you were just like, This is our own party.

Oh, it was, there was a table outside. There was a table outside where two guys were doing the, like, super hot wing challenge. Yeah. And over the loudspeaker, this girl comes on like, Hello, it's Taylor from the Best of the Year. It's Taylor. We Bethlehem Radio Show. Welcome to the Bethlehem Radio Show. And everyone's like, what the, what is happening?

And then she's like, Welcome to the Bethlehem Radio Show. And he's like, yeah. Welcome to the Bethlehem Radio Show. He's like, I guess so. Okay, let's get ready for the Bethlehem Radio Show. He's like, I guess so. Okay, let's get ready for flingy wings. And it's so loud that, you know, it's so loud it's muffled.

And it's staticky. It sounds like The Sims. She's so excited. She's so, she's like. And we're just like, what is happening? All the music has stopped. All the TV is now focused on two idiots eating wild wings outside. And we're just like, this is the stupidest thing.

Here's the thing, too. I've tried their spiciest wings. They're not that hot. They're not that hot. Yeah. They're not that hot at all. And the challenge was like, you have three minutes to eat six buffalo wings without taking a drink. If anything, that makes it easy. Because all you do is eat six wings really quick in three minutes and then take a drink. If anything, that makes it easy because all you do is eat three wings

or six wings really quick in three minutes and then take a drink. Yeah. That's not a challenge. That's like, you're going to give me six free wings? I feel like that's why they do it. They just want to create some publicity so you keep coming back after that.

Maybe it's like you can only do it once. I guess. I'd be the worst at that. I'd be like, here we go. I'm going to eat the wings. And this guy, he did it. I don't know. Buffalo Wild Wings, I love you, but that was the worst experience.

What the hell is that for? It was like, what is happening right now? No one can hear you. What are you saying? That poor girl was so excited. Why is she right now? No one can hear you. What are you saying? She was, that poor girl was so excited. Why is she so excited? Here's the thing. I've never gotten that excited over like anything.

That's just, maybe it's like a disease I have. You do have diseases. You do have diseases. Like even people get gifts. They're like, oh my God, it's so great. I'm just like, thanks. Everyone's like, do you like it? I'm like, yeah, I like it. Like, I can't- I can't bring that sort of excitement for it. The only time I get that excited is over things you wouldn't get excited about.

Like sometimes I'll go to Office Max and it smells really good there. And I'm like, wow, this smells so good here. i love it it's amazing like i tweeted about this too like menards i went to menards to get some home supply it smelled really good i was like this is menards that's the worst like named it's like home depot welcome to my night maybe it's a chicago place but it's like home depot and they're just like save big money at menards. It's been around for like 20 years. And so, I like it smells good there. I like smells. Like, a lot of people like bakery smells. I don't like bakery smells either. I like Home Depot smells.

I like office smells. I like Home Depot smells. And Ikea. Gotta love Ikea. I tweeted the other day, I was like, if you offered me a round the world trip all paid, versus like go to Ikea and pick out whatever you want, I would take other day. I was like, if you offered me a round-the-world trip, all paid, versus, like, go to Ikea and pick out whatever you want, I would take Ikea.

Like, I wouldn't even have to think about it. You are the stupidest human being. I'd just be like, give me the Ikea. I'm going right now. I just like the way it smells. Yep. I'm just saying. I like that you had to take a drink after that like I feel good about I feel good about the Choices I've made in my life

I do so it's like I started realizing like people go around the world and they see stuff They're like wow like life-changing, and that's what I related to with Carl. I was like I agree with them It's okay like if I went to the Great Wall of China, I'd be like, eh, I probably would have rather went to Ikea. You guys, every time a big convention comes up or something happens, you guys are always like, is Crandor gonna be here? Where's Crandor? I was just at

Comic-Con, and a few people were like, is Crandor here? And I was like, no. No, he would never come to this. He would take one look at how many people were here and how, like, it took 12 hours to do anything and be like, not for me, and head home immediately. I would. The one place I would really like to go is Japan, though.

Because, I mean, if you go to Japan, you know you're getting your money's worth and you're going to see a lot of crazy things. I would love to go to Japan with you. I'm not even going to lie. I feel like the two of us, I would take you around to every single conceivable crazy Japan place It's like, yeah

Like some people would be like I'd be like, do you want to go see the place where the cat cafe and we'd walk in and be like, this is definitely a thing and we'd walk out, and then we'd be like do you want to go to the place where the girls rub bubbles on you? I'd be like, yep, let's go. We'd walk in, we'd get bubbles on us and we'd walk out. I'm telling you, we'd have good time. We'd go to the place where the girls rub bubbles on you? I'd be like, yep, let's go. We walk in, we get bubbles on us, and we walk out.

I'm telling you, we'd have a good time. We'd have a good time. Just film it all. Film it all. That's what I mean. Like, you know you're going to have your money well spent there, and you're going to have entertainment and a fun time and see a bunch of crazy people doing crazy things.

You go to somewhere like France, you're like, oh, we get to see the Eiffel Tower. Like, oh, it's a big tower someone made. Like, who cares? You know? Like, what are you going to stand there and look at it? Like, oh, you could go up it. It's like, I can go up a building in downtown Chicago too. It's just this view.

It's probably even a better view. I don't want to look at France. There's just a bunch of people looking back up at you at the tower. Like, look at that. There's just a bunch of people looking back up at you at the tower. Like, look at that idiot. He went up to the top. Like, that's what I was talking about. People say France is dirty, too.

Just a bunch of people looking back up at you. Yeah. Like, at least here, nobody cares. Like, oh, they're working in their shitty office job. They don't care. Oh, my God. Speaking of shitty office job, I feel like we should do a traffic report for those who are headed off to one right now. Oh, yeah.

That's why we're going to traffic covers over the skies of Crandor. Crandor, how's that traffic out there? Traffic today is pretty great. It's going a little smooth. Everybody's heading to the big festival down here. The music festival is going to be great. We got some big bands playing. So if you want to get somewhere, get there before seven o'clock. Traffic's going to start picking up. I see there's also a naked man running down the street. Everybody's cheering him on. Normally they'd be arresting

him, but he's going to the music festival. So he's going to have himself a good time. It's all legal then. Back to you. I'd like to imagine that you were talking about big bands like the 1920s. There's a naked man who's like, I love big band music! He's like,

he's like, whoa, big bands! I love you, yes I do, we're going to go down to the Times Square dance hall. That needs to make a comeback. And we'll clown around. And the guy's just raving in the front row like, yeah! What if that was a thing, like the big band show?

Just everybody went to that? That seems like something that's right around the corner That was kind of like in the 90s When they had the revival of Swing Oh yeah And everyone was like I'm into Swing now What's that other genre That's like Ska

Ska yeah but Ska Ska's so angry There's no happiness there's no raves there That's why they play a lot of trumpets You know. I... Yeah. Yep.

Yep. I can't even... Okay. Well, what's happening in the weather right now? There's a lot of global warming, especially if you go to Globear... No, wait. Not Globear. Did you just try to mention the name of a city?

I just typed in Globa into Weather Channel. So you send yourself. I bet there's a Globear somewhere. Yeah, there is. In Kosovo. Where the hell is that? I don't know. You mean Kosovo?

Then there's Globerica in Bosnia. That works. Globeria? If you're in Bosnia right now, what's the weather? It's 63 degrees Fahrenheit, light rain. It's going to be some thunderstorms tonight. 80% chance. That's a pretty big chance.

Wow. And if we look at the hourly, we're going to see that it's raining all day. It's not going to stop. And if we look at the 10-day. It's raining for 10 days. Sorry, Bosnia. You better learn to swim. It's actually raining for eight days,

but you should probably learn to swim anyway because, I mean, that one day of sun, you can go swimming. All right. What's going on in the world of sports? Oh, in sports, we got NFL training camps opening up.

MLB trade deadline happening. Basketball. I don't think we talked about LeBron. LeBron went back to Cleveland. Oh, LeBron. Here's the thing. Yeah. I don't understand the responses to this.

When LeBron left Cleveland, it was the end of the world. Now that he's back, everyone's like, it's like you went off to college. It's all good. He came back. You realized where he was from. It's all good. Like Cleveland, he ditched you. This is like if you dated a girl

and then she was like, I'm gonna go off and bang all these other guys, but I'll be back one day. And then came back and was like, are we good? No. If he was an average basketball player, they wouldn't care care but they know he's gonna like win them a championship possibly so they like him a lot more so cleveland you're a bunch

of whores is what i'm saying that's what you're saying basically basically you want a championship so bad you're willing to sell out your beliefs and morals the only things they have now are lebron james and then they drafted drafted Johnny Manziel who like just snorts cocaine in bathrooms. Well, look, if you were in Cleveland, you'd do that too. That's true. I mean, there's never anyone that's just like, oh man, I get to go to the Cleveland Browns. That's sports really.

I have an article that may trump all other articles. Woman who crawled naked through doggy door tells her side of the story. I love to hear her side. This is a follow-up article, which I think is incredible. I didn't even know this was a thing. So it starts, remember the woman who broke into a stranger's house through the doggy door? And when she was found sitting naked in the bathtub bathtub said that she was looking for a phone to use well she's back okay can you imagine you're sitting at home right now you know you're

listening to this podcast you're doing the podcast it's just, you look at your doggy door and some naked woman just crawls through. Now, there's the question. What is, is she acting like a dog? Is she, like, normal? Like, she walked through and like, oh, hello. Or is she just like, rawr, rawr, rawr. It's like, run to the bathtub. She went to the bathtub.

She was naked. And then she wanted a phone to use. I don't know the specifics. Okay. But we're about to find out, apparently. So she's back, and she's here to talk about what preceded her famous arrest, as well as the fallout from becoming a weird new celebrity. First, the recap.

Sarah Elizabeth Soto, 25, was arrested in Weatherford, Texas on April 22, 2013. A homeowner said that he found his doggy door damaged after 1 a.m. and that Soto was sitting unclothed in his tub, according to the TV station. An officer found Soto's black dress on a resident's porch and allowed her to put it back on before booking her on trespassing and criminal mischiefs, according to the Weatherford Democrat. That is only a fraction of the night. Uh-huh.

Soto, a self-professed pothead who raps. What? She raps. What? She raps. Soto, a self-professed pothead who raps under the name Sarah Tokalot. Spoke at length. It's the best article. Spoke at length to the MTV News Network. And they have a picture of her and it says

Sarah likes to rap and smoke weed. No shit. Oh god. She actually sent a message out of the blue and we wondered, wow, what's her life like now? Does she still get recognized? Can she find a job with thousands of Google results on her?

We asked if she wanted to share her side of the story and could have never anticipated how different it would have been from the original reported a year ago. Prepare yourself. Here are the highlights from the MTV interview. Even if she hadn't been hauled to jail, Soda would never have forgotten that night because she had just been informed she was adopted.

Okay. Soda would never have forgotten that night Because she had just been informed she was adopted Okay So I guess she You know what I'm just going to continue the highlights Hold on This is an MTV Interview Someone's interviewing her Yes

Okay I guess because MTV they like rappers and pots So I don't know I haven't watched MTV in I think think, 20 years. If I was a producer at MTV, I would get this girl a reality show ASAP, at least for like four episodes, and you can cancel it and be like, whatever.

Reeling from the revelation about her birth, she went out for a drive and crashed her Nissan into a ditch 60 miles from home. I like how I had a Freudian slip and said, crash your Nissan into a ditch 60 miles from home. I like how I had a Freudian slip and said, crash your Nissan into a dick.

Yep, right into the dick. Right into a dick. MTV confirmed with the Weatherford police that she did in fact crash her car that night. Soto claims that the police refused to let her call for a ride home, and so she went out penniless into the wee hours of the night in search of a phone. A Weatherford police official said he would punish anyone on the force if Soto's allegations were true. She knocked on several doors asking for help, but no one answered. So this is where Soto decided to disrobe and break in.

By the way, Soto is adamant she didn't wiggle through the entrance to the door. She just reached inside. That's impossible. She reached inside? She's saying she reached inside the doggie door with her hand and used it to open the door. Impossible. Yet it was impossible like broken yes impossible girl wiggle through that door you cannot you cannot reach up with your hand

to grab the door handle that's why doggy doors are so low and in the middle that's impossible girl you're done wiggled through girl you done wiggled through like a dog could be her new rap song Yo I'm wiggle wiggle Wiggling through the doggy door Taking her clothes off made perfect sense To Toto To Toto the dog Made perfect sense to Soto

Because her nudity would convince whomever She might encounter that she wasn't carrying A weapon and that in fact she was In need of help. My first thought. Only a stoner. There's a naked person in my house. They're not carrying a weapon so that's good.

They must be totally safe. This naked person I don't know in my house must be totally safe. Only a pothead could come up with that logic. Well they're going to think I'm hiding something, so if I just get nude. Of course. Of course. Right on.

Soto wound up in the tub because she heard someone in the house and wanted to hide. Uh-huh. In the bathtub. So instead of hearing someone and being like, hey, I'm going to do something logical, like go back to the door and be like, or I don't know, you can try to crawl back out the door and then knock on the door.

That'd probably be a more logical thing to do, but instead be like, I'm naked, so I'll go in the bathtub. Number one complaint, girl didn't get back her panties. She crawled through a doggy door completely. Here's a question. Why didn't she leave her panties on going through the doggy door? I don't. That's a good question.

Couldn't she have left a bra and panties on and still been okay? I think she would have. I feel like this girl doesn't ever wear bras. I'm going to go out on a limb and say this is the kind of girl who just lets them go free. Lets the puppies free. No leash on those bad boys. She likes freestyle. She freestyles it.

I'm going to question whether she even had panties on. I'm going to say she had no panties on and she's just a crazy person. I would say that too. I mean, she crawled through a doggy door and then sat in a bathtub naked in some random person's house. I mean, would you trust stories from Sarah Tokalot? That is a rap name. Sarah Tokalot. What an amazing story.

There has to be, like, more on her. I'm looking up now Her phone died Oh that's why She claims police wouldn't let her call home Which makes no sense That's not true Yeah

What police officer Tried knocking for help No You can't call home I started to go into people's backyards I've never broken into a house before I have music in my head I have Led Zeppelin going on

I'm in ninja mode. I decide I'll grab a cell phone, call my mom and leave. I'll meet her at an intersection. I'm going by windows in people's backyards and I'm nervous. I see this doggy door. What went through my mind subconsciously was like,

if I take off my dress at the doggy door, I can't get blamed for stealing because I don't have anything on me. What? Two, the shock factor. If somebody's in there, there they're gonna ask if i'm okay or not so i take off my dress and panties at the doggy door so they won't shoot me so they're not scared of me stealing or trying to kill anybody then she says i allegedly went through the doggy door i didn't go through it though everybody's wrong i put my hand through the doggy door and unlocked the door and walked in. The normal way.

B.S. The normal way. The normal way. Jumping into the bathtub wasn't part of our plan. I didn't see a phone. The alarm sounded and I was like, oh, shit! I was already in the house. I saw one door. It was to the bathroom, so

I just jumped in there. The husband of the family that lived in the house was like, it must have been an animal, so we went inside to see what it was to the bathroom, so I just jumped in there the husband of the family that lived in the house Was like it must have been an animal so he like went inside to see what it was I guess I did have a smile on my face like they said in the articles. It was just one of those faces like hello Hello And then the husband goes Honey, there's a naked girl in the bathroom and the wife goes call the cops Honey, there's a naked girl in the bathroom.

And the wife goes, call the cops! I like how if there wasn't the wife there, the guy would have been totally okay with the whole situation. Let's be clear, the guy would have been like, well, hello. You want to use my phone? I got a phone for you. Everyone on the internet was like, oh, she's the other woman. The wife found out about it and said she was an intruder. He was an honest man.

He wasn't cheating on his wife. He just was making sure there wasn't anything wrong. The alarm sounded. He was scoping out the house. He's a good guy. I could have been a psycho homicidal crazy bitch, but I was just trying to find a phone. The more I read into this girl The more I want to know her Oh my god

I feel like she's going to be She's one of those people who was on Mari I'm sorry to the people that lived there But I'm glad it was them Not some drunk a-hole or a psycho serial killer Yeah I mean that would have changed everything A cop when he picked her up

Asked her to bust a rhyme. You want to bust a rhyme for me, he said? And then I freestyled in the back of the cop car as they drove me to the prison. Oh my god, is there a thing of her freestyling? No, straight up, I'm not a drunk, I'm a pothead. My bong, my badass beaker bong. I had not smoked anything, I'm tired ofhead. My bong, my badass beaker bong. I had not smoked anything. I'm tired of this

life. I want something new. The cop was like, smoke anything tonight? Any bath salts? He's like, no, I'm sober. I'm more sober than I've ever been in a long time. He asked me if I smoked bath salts. I was like, I've only been high on pot. I haven't gotten

any crazy situations where I smoked bath salts. And he said, I've only been high on pot. I haven't gotten into crazy situations where I smoke bath salts. And he said, well, smoking bath salts is the thing that people do when they allegedly go through doggy doors. Oh, my God. I think the lesson we learned from this story is don't have a doggy door. Wow. So they wondered if it's made her unemployable. And she says, I've not applied for any jobs.

Of course not. But she's focusing on her hip-hop career. I'm happy about it. I'm already working on my music. I didn't even mean to do all this. It's like a publicity stunt or something, but I didn't do it for that. I'm just wild and free. And that's what America's supposed to be about, right?

Fuck you! I'm done. I'm done. That's exactly my thoughts. That's what America's all about. This is the perfect example of America. Yep. Wild and free.

Well, I feel like that's our news. There's no other news story Worth our time right now Not one that's it Guys Guys go to the Patreon Support us and we will support you With amazing content

You support us we support you It's a nice transaction I don't I mean I'm not going to say it'll be good amazing, but it could also be amazingly bad. Could be. You know, this is wild and free. It's all up to you.

Oh, I missed an, oh, it's a video. I missed an article where apparently a woman had sex with her husband every night for 30 whole days. And it's on, everyone's talking about it. That's where we're at, people. That's where we're at people that's where we're at that's where we're at you could hear more about that article if you give us money yep we'll tell you about it later we're not gonna always i'll sugarcoat it oh okay hold on where's my bell i want some hot chocolate.