Cox n' Crendor Show - Cox n' Crendor: Tuesday, October 14th 2014

Episode Date: October 16, 2014

Crendor takes the cookie butter challenge live on air, will it live up to the hype? Also Jesse calls Texas out on being too Texan, and Crendor finds another insanely stupid news article on Yahoo.

Hello everybody and welcome back to Cox and Crandor in the morning! C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C proud of you thank you that's all i want in life almost i'll take almost pride so can i just say that uh i i i have punished myself okay and i've learned a valuable lesson so for a long while i was all about going to the gym and doing all the working out stuff and i just became lazy and just didn't go i was like it got down to where it was like man i have so much work to do uh priorities do i continue to earn a living or do i go to the gym and so money won yeah money won and so and so yesterday i was like i'm gonna you know what screw it i'm gonna get back on the bandwagon. I'm doing it. Ang ba dang, back on the treadmill. Let's do this thing. And so I went to the gym for about an hour and a half, and then I woke up today, and my body is in so much pain.

Like, everything about me aches. I can't even – I tried to yawn, and my body was like, whoa, slow down, partner. Like, all my muscles just were like, nope. What are you doing, trying to lift the truck here? What? It was like, no, we are not going to do that, my friend. I was like, ow. So lessons have been learned.

Similarly, I tried to do more yoga and now my neck hurts. Well, that's stupid. That's your problem. But it felt good. You need to do that like heat yoga, neck hurts. Well, that's stupid. That's your problem. You need to do that like heat yoga, hot yoga. Oh yeah, hot yoga. Tell me what it's like. So like if you see visions. I one time had a friend

I had a friend who was like, dude, I swear by hot yoga. I'm like, what? All it is is they turn the temperature up really high and then you do yoga. There's nothing. No, you don't get it though. It's so moist in that room. I was like, what? What?

It's like it's so moist in there. It's like humid heat. I'm like, uh-huh. And? He's like, you feel it in your soul. I don't want to feel anything like that. Pretty sure that's dehydration you're feeling. Right?

And so he was explaining that because of the dehydration, while you're doing the yoga, you experience a high you've never felt before in your life. And I was like, oh, that sounds dangerous. It sounds like when people are like, I like when people choke me while we're having sex. That's still dangerous. It is still dangerous. People die with ropes around their neck trying to get off. And this guy's saying it's pretty much the exact same thing. I was like, what is going on?

We got some daredevils out there. So I want you to do hot yoga. Really, this is me asking you to strangle yourself while having sex? What if you were strangling each other while doing it in hot yoga? Oh my god. You would probably see the craziest visions of your life. See, he told me that it's like Native American sweat lodges. But here's the thing.

In a Native American sweat lodge, they're like doing peyote. Like getting high as kites with the heat. Yeah. Unless you're going to yoga and then smoking it while you're like in yoga class. I'm pretty sure that's not a sanctioned yoga technique. Yeah, they're just in like a sauna smoking weed. Sitting hippie technique. I don't even remember what we were talking about.

Oh, yeah. Exercise. Yeah, so my body is in a lot of pain. But that's what happened to me. Well, speaking of exercise, I also did the opposite and went and bought the cookie butter. Did you? Yes. So I made toast.

Is it hot? Is the toast still hot? The toast is still hot. Good. All right. Spread the, have you tasted the cookie butter yet? No. Don't taste it.

Don't taste it. Guys, this is, this just in, Crandall tastes cookie butter for the first time. I'm excited. I'm excited for you. It's not going to be like that Amazon guy. The Amazon guy didn't know what he was talking about. He's a nerd. Yeah.

All right. I'm going to let it sit here and melt a bit. Yeah. Yeah, melt. Melt cookie butter. You're not going to be able to talk. You'll be like, it's so good. I can't even tell you how good it is.

I'm so excited. There's the- There should be. Oh, yeah, And I checked out. The guy was like, dude, we got the chocolate swirl cookie butter now. And I was like, what? And he's like, you ever have Dunkaroos? I was like, I think I did a long time ago.

He's like, it's like the Dunkaroos. Here's the thing. Chocolate swirl cookie butter. Yeah. That might be too much. It's like when in the movies the bad guy always tries to get, like, you know, the Holy Grail or insert really any Indiana Jones villain. Yeah. And when they do it, in the end it backfires on them.

Yeah. And they end up melting. That's what I imagine happens when you combine cookie butter with chocolate. I imagine it's so good, your face melts off. Like, I shouldn't have pursued perfection! That's what I imagine happens. All right, well, I'm going to try it. All right.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. happens all right well i'm gonna try it all right oh my god oh my god you're right told you you're right told you it's like okay let me food network up it up a bit here okay chef g Chef Gordon Ramsey, go for it. Okay, so you got the texture of the toast. Very crisp. Not too soggy. It's also cinnamon bread. Oh. Mm-hmm. That cinnamon flavor is

melding with the cookie butter. Now, the cookie butter... I told you. Once you the cookie butter. Now, the cookie butter... You're going... I told you. Once you have cookie butter, you become some sort of animal. You just have to have more. You're just like...

Oh, so good. Oh, bro. I get that graham crackery flavor, but it's not too powerful of a graham cracker. It's a nice, mellow graham cracker. Like it's just sitting by the fire having a glass of wine. Mm-hmm. And it's got a sweetness to it.

But it's not too sweet. It's like a just a dash. A dash of sweetness. Hold on. Now it's like you're eating a cookie, but you're not. You're eating toast. We are single-handedly selling this product i don't know how i didn't know it existed a friend said like how have you never had this

and bought me a jar and now i am i'm hooked they only had like three left when i went i think it's like the new thing it's gotta be it's gotta be the new thing it's like a cronuts remember when everyone was on cronuts? No. It's a croissant and a donut. That might have been an LA thing. Like dudes would line up for miles to get a cronut. A cronut.

I have still never had one. I keep my croissants and my donuts separate. I don't. I thought it was going to be like a crow. A cronut. Keep them separate. Keep them separate. a cronut keep them separate

keep them separate croissants are not are not meant to be glazed with donut goodness I agree fundamental things my friends that's why they're separate that's why they were separate to begin with

it hasn't been a thing we're gonna make everything donuts why not make a donut apple we've hit a point in time where we've created so many things that people are just starting to take things and throw them together and be like, does that work? No? Why not take celery and dip it in some glaze?

There you go. Cell nut. Done. Cell nut. Way to go. You ruined something else. Stop ruining things chefs yeah let's start using this cookie butter yeah put cookie butter on everything dude i put cookie butter on apple the other day it was so good oh my god it was so good toast is already gone

you can't resist it you can't resist the cookie butter how could that guy say it's overrated because that guy's like you know how when the movies when there's a movie review and you go to rotten tomatoes and there's it has a 99 review rating and there's that one guy who's like it was okay but it wasn't nearly as good as that independent film no one saw this year. That really stood out in the crowd. This is just another example of corporate Hollywood. It's that guy. I threw it to the ground guy.

Like, I don't need your handouts. Like, what? What are you talking? It's that guy. Shut up, you nerd. Yeah, it's that guy. Well, all I know is Amazon guy was like, this wasn't a life-changing Holy Grail experience. It was for me.

I feel like I'm a new person now. You have, when you taste it, you can't go back to peanut butter. You can't. Nuts don't cut it anymore. They don't. The one thing I will say, though, is that the crunchy version is not as, like, the crunchy version is the exact same thing except they left little pieces of cookie in it, which really doesn't matter. Like, the crunchy version isn't that terrific. I had a sample of it.

It's okay. What I will say, like, crunchy peanut butter, if you're a crunchy person, crunchy peanut butter is probably the way to go. Yeah. I like crunchy peanut butter. So do I. But if it comes down to creamy peanut butter versus creamy cookie butter, creamy cookie butter wins. Easy.

Hands down. Easy. 12,000% of the time. He was all like, oh, I ate it out of the jar. You know what? I just ate it out of the jar. It was damn good. It's very good.

He's an idiot. Look, some people, Crandall, are dumb. And then other people are listening to this podcast right now they have good taste that's very good taste they taste just like cookie butter they taste like everyone watching right now you taste like cookie butter that was a good experience i'm so i'd rather do that than go to India. There you go. I'm not sure. You know what?

Actually, probably. India I probably would avoid if I had the choice of cookie butter. I mean, what do they do in India? They just like. Unless they make cookie butter in India. Oh, my God. Then we got to go. I mean, wouldn't it just be a factory of people making cookie butter?

Well, still, you know. You never know. Could be. I want to know what idiot was like the genius that came up with cookie butter. Because you know he stumbled on it. Yeah. Like something happened where he stumbled on making cookie butter. Like there was no one who said, you know what?

I'm going to make cookie butter. Okay. I don't think anyone ever thought that up. Are we going to look this up? Where did cookie butter. Okay. I don't think anyone ever thought that up. Are we going to look this up? Where did cookie butter come from? I don't know. But, okay, this is what's on cookie butter. It says, all you have to do is taste it to understand.

I agree. Spread on pancakes or waffles, peanut butter and cookie sandwiches. Serve on ice cream, dip pretzels or celery. What don't you do with something this delicious? Whoa, it's 57% Speculoos. Apparently, Speculoos is from Iqlo, Belgium? Whoa. Belgium. What?

Oh, here's the story. Okay. What? Oh, here's the story. Okay. So, in the Belgian city of Hasselt, they have a local variety of Speculus, which is basically a cookie with pepper, cinnamon, ginger cloves, cardamom, and nutmeg in the cookie. Whoa. And so, you know, they kind of made these cookies and they sold them abroad and what happened was belgian companies began making a paste variant of speculus

because what would go on is people would take the cookies and put butter with them and make like a cookie butter sandwich whoa right and so what happened was is this company was like well why don't we just combine the two and that was genius and that's that's how it happened i think the the problem i have now is why are people combining cookies with butter i don't i mean this is what happens when you live in, like, when you live in Northern Europe, is your day just filled with, like, how crazy of a food can I eat? I mean, listen. What can I eat besides herring and other fish varieties? If you live in, like, the West Coast, like, California, well, L.A., you used to like the heat or the, you know, the South or whatever.

Then you get to the Midwest or the East Coast, and it's like it's cold half the year. Then you go to Northern Europe, and it's just it's never there's no heat ever. So you know what they got to do? Here's the thing. It's so weird. Think about this. Think about this. Mm-hmm.

In the West Coast, where it's very hot, people love spicy food. Yeah. In the Midwest, where it's bland and boring, people love bland food. But I'm in the Midwest, and I like spicy food. You're an aberration. You're a freak. Look, and in Europe, people like European food. Whoa. Why is that?

Because they're European. I don't know where I was going with that. I was just dicking around. No, yeah, we've learned something here today. And they like fish. I'm not sure what we've learned. Well, that's, I mean, that's not all Europeans. I'm sure the French don't love fish. I guess everyone, everyone like fish. I'm not sure what we learned. Well, that's, I mean, that's not all Europeans. I'm sure the French don't love fish.

I guess everyone, everyone loves fish. And if you don't love fish, then you're not one of the people we're talking about. You're not everyone. Yeah. You're not an everyone. You're an every other one. Oh. Good one, Grendor.

You got him. All right. I got him. So, enough of that. We have explored the world of nonsense and cookie butter far too much, I would say. I'd say so. I think we never need to address this again. Probably not.

We have now spent two podcasts talking about something that is not even worth talking about. Whatever. Yeah, but on this one, we tried it. Well, I tried it. All right. Well, I think it's time to go to chapter 7 of the sky of the crendor crendor how's that traffic out there well man traffic's crazy today because everybody is uh now going back to their worker school because i guess

yesterday was columbus day i forgot all about that because i don't celebrate holidays like normal people anymore because i work on the internet. Uh, and I fly this chopper copter, which if I look down on the street, it looks like Edward Markland has, uh, just bought himself some cookie butter and he is having a seizure on the road because of how good it is. That is insane. Also, James Glass looks like he is, uh, trying to steal the cookie butter away from Edward, but he's having a hard time because he is not letting go. Back to you. Thanks, Crandor. Two things.

One, cookie butter, it'll give you seizures. That's the slogan. And two, Columbus Day, as a former teacher, is my favorite holiday because it sums up America perfectly. It really does. because it sums up America perfectly. It really does. We honor a man who came to a new world that had already been landed on multiple times, who conquered it by murdering nearly every one of the people on the Bahamas

and then taking the rest and putting them into slavery. And we're like, that's a good guy. We're going to name cities after him. We're going to have a holiday after him. He founded this great nation of ours is what he did. You know what? He did. And he did so by mass genocide and disease spreading.

Columbus Day. We may as well have like Hitler Day. Seriously. You know what? We overlooked that. I love our country. It's very good. Yeah. We're very good. Yeah.

We're very good at only picking and choosing certain things. Like, yes, our forefathers were very wise men. Meanwhile, like, they were deists. They believed God was dead. They owned slaves. Right? Like, you know, they have this entire. Benjamin Franklin's like, I'm going to go to France and bang hookers.

Benjamin Franklin was a known whoremonger right like like he was the tyrian of that that of that time and everyone here's the thing though this is why i like ben franklin ben franklin was like a 60 year old fat man who was loved by all the women of the world because they were like oh benjamin frank, he's so smart, boobs. Right? Back then, brains got you laid. That's all I'm saying. That's all I'm saying. Nerds invent time travel, and we will get laid together.

I get to go on this trip because I gave you the idea, and we will get gonorrhea syphilis together from old whores. They didn't know what it was back then. Yeah. It just made you crazy. Yeah. Like, oh, my pancreas sure hurts today. Probably from the devil.

No, no, because as we've discussed, our forefathers thought God died, so they didn't care. That's true. You make a valid point. So they didn't care. That's true. You make a valid point. That's all I'm saying is the reason why they were like freedom of religion is because a lot of them had some pretty funky religious ideas. That's all I'm saying.

That's all I'm saying. People of the world who were like, our nation was founded on these principles. The only principles our nation was founded on was take what you can and give nothing back. Basically, we were pirates of the Caribbean logic. I heard that they made Columbus Day a holiday because the Catholic Church wanted a person to give a Catholic type of holiday to. Because I guess he was Catholic. St. Patrick's Day is a Catholic holiday,

and Americans love St. Patrick's Day. Yeah, because they just drink on it. Which is, I think, again, funny. I definitely need to start making my Jesse Explains America series again, because I looked back and realized, besides Black Friday, we have St. Patrick's Day, a day that, as far as I can tell, most people in Ireland don't really celebrate. And all we do is just get wasted. We dye our rivers green, and we're like, we're Irish.

Like, you're not Irish. You're some Polish kid from Milwaukee. What are you doing? I'm Irish today, I am. Cinco de Mayo is another one of my favorites because it's basically everyone in America thinking it's Mexican Independence Day when it's totally not. And everyone's like, yeah, we're going to buy them, man. Woo!

And if you actually ask people, they're like, Mexican Independence? Not even remotely close. It's one we got freed from the government and got taken over by the drug lords. Nope, not even close. Oh, speaking of drug lords, they caught some of them. That was awesome. Yeah. Where'd that happen at? I don't know. Like the cartel guys, they caught some of them. Oh, they did? That was awesome. Yeah. Where'd that happen at?

I don't know. Like, the cartel guys, they caught some. There's probably more. We're just waiting to rise up. That's true. Caught a couple of them. All right. So let's move to weather.

Let's see. We can go to Columbus, Ohio. Columbus, Ohio. Columbus, Ohio. Great. It is 69 degrees. And it's partly cloudy. We got some east-southeast winds. What's that even mean?

East-southeast? Between east and southeast. But what's between east and southeast? Is that like a... East-southeast is between east and southeast like a seven o'clock i guess i look i'm not like i can't picture a clock it's like a uh it's like a 230 no no no that's wrong it's like a 415 All right. 77% humidity, a low UV index of zero,

and the next six hours you're going to be partly cloudy. You've got temperatures reaching the mid-60s with a south-southeast wind at 10 to 15 miles per hour. Watch out for that 10-mile visibility. It's going to be a little rough driving to work in Columbus. All right, now let's go over the sports that's with grendor how's the sports sports today are phenomenal let me tell you something about sports go on okay so uh and football news not like football but like football like american well then say it like you're an American.

Okay. Giants lost 27-0 to Philadelphia. Really just a terrible game by them. Also, Dallas beat Seattle. That was crazy the other day. Right now, it looks like San Francisco is beating Seattle on Monday Night Football. And by the time you listen to this, there will be a score, but we won't have it. Yeah.

Jacksonville, Tennessee, that was a battle of the terrible teams. Jacksonville had their game-winning field goal blocked, and now they are still winless. Although now they have a quarterback that can actually play pretty well. That poor couple from last night still fighting with that axe. They just cannot stop. They got Blake Bortles now. He's like a Ben Roethlisberger. He just has no other players around him to do anything.

He's like a Ben Roethlisberger. Ladies of Jacksonville, watch yourselves. Especially crazy axe woman she's gotta keep that axe close watch yourselves keep that axe close Florida Ben Roethlisberger is on the loose oh and Carolina and Cincinnati tied

what? first tie since week 12 of last week or last year not last week huh why was it a tie? because they play one over time and then it's just tie if that's the lazy that's lazy it should be like football where they just kick field goals on each other like college yeah that's how you do it well and well Cincinnati could have won in the midst

an easy field goal and then New new england beat buffalo so really really everything is right with the world the bangles the bangles still suck buffalo still sucks jacksonville still sucks yep they all still suck hockey started right with the world i saw which is awesome let's i like hockey hockey's probably my favorite thing to watch it's just exciting we've talked about this before it's a it's a my favorite thing to watch It's just exciting We've talked about this before It's a lot of fun to watch hockey It's men skating around

Bludgeoning each other Trying to get a little tiny black little puck thing And then they fling it as hard as they can At a man with a mask It's pretty great A lot of American people are like I don't play hockey. It's dumb.

But it's like if you really watched it and got into it, you'd realize it's the perfect American sport. Not baseball. It's true. Hockey. Baseball's too boring and slow. The only reason why people go to watch it is to get drunk in the stands. Basketball is too ego-driven. It's all about one, two dudes on a team, and everyone else is just there.

Which is why all the free agency happens, and that's more exciting than the actual basketball. Basketball is dumb. Basketball is stupid. College basketball is good, but basketball is dumb. Football is very slow, and you're only really in it for the commercials for the Super Bowl time.

It's kind of like a big up. It's like a big roller coaster. It's like, whoa. Yeah, something happened and now it's nothing. Oh, my God. No, it's not. But hockey. Hockey is like bam, bam, bam, bam.

And there's hardly any commercials. It's like a needle of adrenaline in your vein. Yeah. Oh, my God. You know what hockey is like? It's like watching America in the FIFA World Cup all the time. It is. You're just like, are they going to do it?

Is it possible they're going to do it? No, they're not going to do it. Oh, they're not going to do it. Oh, my God, they're not going to do it. It's going to happen. Oh, my God, they're horrible. Oh, my God. No, no, this is it.

That's hockey all the time. It's even better because they can hit each other and fight. And they're on skates. And they're on skates. And they have sticks. I saw one guy, he got his, like, throat sliced because the guy fell down and a skate, like, cut him in his throat. But he came back and played, like, the next week. Because he's a badass.

Because that man's a badass. Also, let's be clear, none of them are really cocky assholes. They're all sort of like, these are the rules of hockey. We're a team. We're all brothers. Hard and tough. It's like, let's go do this. Which you would think even more American people would be like.

So like, yeah, that's America. You know why we don't like it? Canada. Because it's from Canada. Yep. Canada ruined it. We would have loved it if we created it. But Canada did.

And we can't give them credit for anything. You know what? The Chicago people like it. That meatball guy likes it. He's just like, you know what? I used to not like the hockey. You know what I like now? I like the hockey. Black meatball guy likes it. He's just like, you know what I don't, I used to not like the hockey. You know what I like now? I like the hockey.

Black Hawks, two cups. Two cups in four years. I used to not even know what a Stanley Cup was. I just brought one home to my beer keg, you know. But now I got one. We got one, the city. You know when the Black Hawks won the Stanley Cup? It was like the biggest turnout in Chicago.

It was like 2 million people showed up on like a weekday afternoon. Yeah, that says a lot about Chicago. It was like, we won the sports that we didn't even care about three years ago, but we won it. We're the best. That's like when the Kings win in L.A. Everyone shows up like, yeah, we're so good. Like, do you even know what you're cheering for? No, man, it's the street parade.

We're number one. Like, what? Okay, sure. That's sports. All right, Crandor, what is our big news story of the day? Let me start out the big news story of the day by saying the McRib is going to be back very soon. Oh my God.

It's been announced that the end of this month, it's coming back. They know when to bring it back. They know when America needs a pick-me-up. I feel like I should eat a McRib live on a podcast as well. Oh, we should both go get McRibs and eat them live and talk about the differences between a Chicago McRib and an LA McRib. Oh my God. And then if we both die live

on air from eating McRibs, it'll be great. It'll be the best podcast ever. It will. Oh my God. It was a brilliant idea. I like how that's how we start our big news. Big news, everybody. The McRib. The sandwich made to stimulate McRibs from

meat-like substitute is back it's back they just spotted it in iowa the mcriblocator.com in guatemala if you lived in idaho or really any any central state where farming is a big thing yeah and you went to you went to McDonald's rather than just go down the street and get a real piece of meat. Uh-huh. You're just lazy as shit. You are. You are legitimately the most lazy person who ever lived.

Legitimately lazy. But, I mean, it's McRib. It's like $3. And you get some fries. You get some fries and a drink. Oh, Crandor. I'm going to put the fries on the McRib. Oh, man.

And the fries with that nasty sauce. I'm going to eat it all at once. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Crandor. Speaking of which, back to working out. Oh, yeah. Back to working out. Oh, my God.

I have a McDonald's story. Oh, my God. Okay. What. Oh, my God. I have a McDonald's story. I have a... Oh, my God. Okay. What? Okay. I got to tell you the McDonald's story. So one time, it was 3 a.m.

We went to McDonald's. And there was this lady in the parking lot blasting music out her car. And on her dashboard were all these pictures of, like, family. Like, families. And you could see in, like, her, like, like windshield, like the reflection of the pictures. So you knew like what it was. And so, uh, she just kept blasting music and we were like, what's wrong with her? Like she didn't do anything.

And so we kept trying to like look over at her. You are legitimately the worst at telling stories. we kept trying to like look over at her. You are legitimately the worst at telling stories. So like we were looking at her and then we were trying to look at her and as we're looking at her, what are you talking about? I don't know.

She's just a crazy person. I was convinced she like murdered all those people. And then there's this old Asian man in McDonald's, but he was a crazy person. And he would just sit there with his hat over his eyes like. And he's just eating his food. But he's crazy. At 3 a.m.? Yeah, 3 a.m.

And this other time we were there at 3 a.m., this old man who looked like Wilford Brimley comes up to us and he's like, you guys talking about math? We weren't talking about math. He's like, let me tell you something about math. I used to be a best the best math person in my class back in high school. Let me he's like 60 years old telling like high school stories. And he's like, there is this one time where the teacher gave us a math problem that even Einstein couldn't solve. They sent it to him, and he didn't know how to solve it. So she was like, if you solve this problem, you get an A in the class.

And I spent a couple nights working on this math problem. And guess what? I solved it. Of course, of course. And guess what? I solved it. We were like, what? Of course, of course. And he's like, the problem was solved because if you read through it, and the way I did the problems, I did it my own way in my head. You realize that the problem is already incorrect,

and you had to change the problem around to get the actual answer to the problem, which wasn't the problem in the first place and i got an a and then after that we're just like wow that's really cool and he's like we never went back to mcdonald's at 3 a.m again he was just like yep that was uh it's good time and then he just left he like walked out into the night and just disappeared. Are you sure that wasn't the ghost of Albert Einstein? It may have been. Are you sure you didn't meet the ghost of Einstein? And he came up to him and was like,

what are you doing here at 3 a.m.? Oh, my God. This is our time. Solving mathematical problems. No. Okay. Denny's. Denny's.

Late night one time. What are you? Why are you just up at night at 3 a.m. going to restaurants? I'm hungry. There's this crazy guy. He comes in. He's wearing like a belt, like a crazy person belt. And he's got a sash on and he's got a ranger hat.

And he's like, one coffee, cream. And he kept staring at us. Like the entire time he'd just drink his coffee and just stare. Just like, I thought he was a serial killer. And then he gets up. He leaves a dollar tip for the lady. And he just walks away. Like he didn't even get there in a car or anything.

He just walks into the forest. Because there's like a forest preserve again are you sure it wasn't the ghost of an old western man it's 3 a.m that's the witching hour man there's there's danger happening then that's true he could have been are we gonna get to are we to get to a story he's going to tell about times he saw ghosts after 3 a.m. at restaurants? All right. Here's some stories. We got teacher Jessica Vanessa quits to twerk on Vine. I saw that.

Here's the thing. More power to that girl. Yep. She's making a fortune shaking her ass on Vine. Good for her. Good for her. Good for her. Shake what your mama made you. We have the people have

spoken, not smoking. That'd be a great headline for a pot article. The people have smoking. The people have smoking, man. And they've listed the top snobbiest cities in America.

Oh, let's do that. So, who says New Yorkers are snobs? Everyone. Not Travis Levious, a Big Apple photographer who has found that another city along the Northeast Corridor has more

attitude. Boston? In D.C., it's all about what you do. You can be among New York City's elite if you're an artist, but in D.C., that might get you, at best, a look of Bless Your Little Heart. So, they still... D.C., that makes sense. Of course, you can be snobby, but New York is still number two. Well, this lady, Katrina, still says New York is number one.

You can't have it both in the same article. Well, she's disagreeing with him. Well, do we have a list of snobby cities? Are they just going to fight over New York? So she says New York's number one. Miami is number two. Oh, Miami's big because Miami's like, hey, you famous drug lord or something? That's all I know about Miami.

That's all I know about Miami, too. Drug lords. Drug lords and women with big asses. That's literally all I know. Yep. Number three is LA, of course. That's right. A shopping snob's paradise, as they say here.

as they say here that is look having been to places that i think i told the story before when i had friends from norway come out here uh i took them to a bunch of different stores because their money was just it could go further here and so we went to like really really fancy stores and i have never felt so out of place in my life. It was awkward. I mean, that's what happens when you're from Norway. You're just like, wow, look at the American Walmart stores. No, not that. We went to like Louis Vuitton stores.

I know, but that's what I'm saying. They look at that like it's Walmart. Oh, yeah, it was crazy. It was like, this is so cheap. It was like an $800 pair of shoes. I was like, you've lost your damn mind. You crazy. This is the cheapest thing.

My girlfriend will love it. I'm like, what? What? Oh, yeah, number four is Washington, D.C. Number five is Boston I knew Boston would be up there Boston's pretty snobby They have like Harvard and all those schools

Yeah, they got douches in Harvard Ugh, Harvard You're stupid I go to Harvard I officially believe And I will fundamentally go to the grave believing this Half the people at Harvard are idiots. I agree.

The other half are probably very smart, but they work their ass to get in there. And the other half are like, my father, Charles Excelsior III Esquire, owns three wings of Harvard, and so I was given the opportunity to attend. That's who it is. It doesn't make you smart. It just makes you rich. Which I guess makes you smart. Shit, what the hell do I know? Yeah, what do you know?

I'm not a millionaire. Clearly I'm doing something wrong. Clearly I'm not smart enough to be a millionaire. Number six, Tampa Bay. Sure. Okay. Number seven is Dallas. What?

Dallas? I mean, that's like southern snobbery, though. Yeah. Texas really should be the number one snobbiest state. It should. Everyone in Texas is like, we're just better than everyone because we're Texas. Don't mess with us. It's big down here.

Whatever. Whatever, Texas. It's our own here. Whatever. Whatever, Texas. We're just our own country. Whatever. You know what? People stopped caring about Texas a long time ago. Yeah. Long time ago.

No one cares anymore. The only reason why you're in the news is because you're the buffer with Mexico, and so we have to hear about you. You got barbecue. That's it. Oh, other states have barbecue. You're on your own, Texas. Yeah. Southern barbecue isn't a Texas thing anymore. Look, I'm barbecue. That's it. Oh, other states have barbecue. You're on your own, Texas. Southern barbecue isn't a Texas thing anymore.

Look, I'm just going to say it. Texas, be your own state. Go be your own thing. Yeah, go be your own. We're done. We're done. We're breaking up, Texas. We're done. You were too full of yourself. You were too full of yourself. And all you want to do is talk about yourself. And every time I went on dates, all you have to talk about is all the things

you're going through. You know what, Texas? The rest of us are doing stuff too. Yeah. Go to Harvard. We're going to get Canada. We're bringing Canada in. Canada will be our new state.

I like Canada. Yeah, Canada's great. We'll make all the different territories of Canada one state. I mean, it has enough people in it to be a state. Yeah, now it's bigger than you texas how about that yeah how about that how about that number eight san francisco for creating online beef with the entire state of texas i have no problem with that uh so san francisco because they're just you know know, San Francisco. Salt Lake City is number nine.

Salt Lake City? How did down-to-earth Utah end up in a top ten for being snobbish? Perhaps because any city can ramp up its elegance when it wants to. Salt Lake has the Italian marble-laden Grand America Hotel and the quaintly strollable 15th and 15th Neighborhood, where you'll find the King's English Bookshop and the Paris Bistro. What? They have one hotel and two shops and they're like,

this is too fancy for... You know what? This entire thing seems invalid now. It does. I once went to a city that had two bookstores. Intolerable! The snubbery here is just too high. Yeah.

Like, what is this? You know what? I think, once again, you have stumbled upon a shitty article. I think I, well, I mean, it's from Yahoo News. There you go. Yahoo News, once again, continuing to suck. All right, guys. Hold on.

No. I got to say, Chicago isn't even on the list. That's because of all the meatballs. There's nothing snobby about being a meatball. That's true. They just kind of go to sports events and be like, hey, I like the meatballs. I'm surprised Portland, Oregon is on that list. That's true.

That's like hipster central. Portland, yeah, hipsters are the snobbiest people on the planet. I don't. You know what, that's stupid. That's a stupid list. Yeah, it's a stupid list. Oh, well, we'll find a better article next time. Yeah. Anyway, guys, that's it.

Thank you for watching. And as always, to be continued. you