Cox n' Crendor Show - Cox N' Crendor: Wednesday, May 8th 2013

Episode Date: May 10, 2013

Sorry for the technical difficulties - but the episode is finally here! ...and it's a good one ;) After the news from Cleveland about the kidnapper, Jesse comes up with a solid theory to prevent all future crime - BLAME VIN DIESEL. Also Crendor lays out 5 questions you should ask on every date.

Hello everybody, it's time for Ghost on Trending! This is Trending in the morning. In the morning! Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live! In 4-hour recording studios. Recording! Wake your ass up, it's the next Trending in the morning! Hello everybody, it is the Wednesday. It's the next friend of the morning! Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy even matter why. Doesn't even matter. Doesn't even matter because we have important breaking news. News

that is super important. Mostly because I can't understand it and also the guy who saved the day is what I imagine all real American heroes to be like. I don't know if you've seen the YouTube video yet or it's been on the news. It probably has. It's been on the news for

I don't know, 18 hours or so. Many years ago, I don't remember 18 hours or so uh many years ago i don't remember if you remember this but this young girl amanda berry was kidnapped or killed i guess and today a dude was just like walking down the street i guess he lived next door and this girl's like screaming like help me help me and he thought it was a domestic violence dispute he said he was just eating his mc. It's true. And he goes to the door and she's like, my name's Amanda Berry. Help me.

Dude helps them. There's like four women up in this house. This man had been keeping these women hostage. I don't know how no one noticed. This guy apparently was a neighbor who saved them. He's like, I ate ribs with this dude. He acted normal. And he had women.

I guess they have kids now. For ten years he's kept four women in his house. For ten normal. And he had women. I guess they have kids now? For ten years he's kept four women in his house for ten years. Yeah. How did that even happen? And this guy, he is my favorite hero ever because he's like, when a pretty little white girl runs into a black man's arm you know they has trouble.

I was like... I like how right after he says it, the news guy's kind of like, alright, we're done with this interview. That's right, it's everyone in the crowd's kind of like, all right, we're done with this interview. That's right. Everyone in the crowd around him is like, yup, yup, that's true. Oh, my God. It's mind-blowing. You see, when I first saw the story, when Krendor showed me the story before we started,

I thought he saved this one girl, and I was like, that's really awesome. That's really, really great. And then it was like, oh, by the way, there were three other women in there with her. I'm like, what? How did one man keep four women hostage for ten years? If I was those women, after like day three, I would have been like, look, there's four of us. We can kick the shit out of this guy. Yeah.

How did that happen? At least even like one day out of the ten years, you would think they'd have a chance to just like gang up on him and like take him down. I don't even know. It's mind blowing. And the thing that's crazy is the guy said like, I've lived there a year. And I've been to barbecues with this guy. He fixes his motorcycle outside. He goes in the backyard and plays with his dog.

Meanwhile, he has four girls prisoner in his house. Yeah. That's insanity. Insanity. They said the Cleveland kidnapped suspect was charismatic guy, ashamed neighbor said. Charismatic guy, the arch nemesis of Florida man. Charismatic guy. You think you can stop me?

I'm charismatic guy. Then Guy Hero shows up like, that's enough out of you, charismatic guy. And then the Grey Storm's just like, I mean, you know, like, I used to be number one, but like, whatever. I don't even care, really. If you wanted to kidnap me, too, I mean, that'd be nice, I guess. But if you don't want to, it's fine, too. I don't care. Gaihero just bitch slaps him like, shut up, Grey Storm! Guy Hero just bitch slaps him like, shut up, Grey Storm!

But Juan Perez, 27, has lived two houses down from the home in question since he was five. What? And he has known the arrested man, Ariel Castro, 52, since he was a child, he told ABC News. His name is not Ariel Castro. Ariel Castro. Ariel Castro. I feel like charismatic guy being named Ariel Castro, I feel like that's when they reveal his true identity. Like, charismatic guy was actually Ariel Castro the entire time.

It's just this guy. I imagine he's either a mermaid from Cuba, or he's a Cuban transformer who becomes a fighter jet. Holy shit, he's a transforming mermaid Cuban. Wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, and he flies away. His tail... You think he can stop me? Wop, wop, wop, wop, wop. His mermaid tail is made of robot parts. That's what transforms. He can switch between legs and mermaid.

No wonder you keep women hostage. You're a freaking transformer. It makes sense now. Wait, three brothers arrested? So there's three brothers? Oh, that's why they needed four women. Oh, now it's making sense. For all the brothers. That's a weird-ass family.

That is. It's not the most normal of families. They go by caveman rules. You cut them over the head, they're yours. Oh, Ariel Castro. Oh, Ariel Castro. No wonder that guy had to kidnap a woman. He's never getting laid.

He was once a city school bus driver. Uh-huh. Okay, here's what the thing says. Authorities believe Castro, who was once a city school bus driver, was keeping the women locked inside his modest two-story home, which he has owned since 92. Castro was arrested on a domestic violence charge in 93, which was later dropped.

That same year, Castro pled guilty to disorderly conduct, and investigators believe that Castro was helped by his brothers, who did not live in the home. Police have not identified the two other men, but say they were 50 and 54. Oh my god. Yeah. I can't imagine, though.

It's like, clearly those brothers, there's something even more wrong with them. Because if my brother was, like, holding women, like if I had a brother, I would be like, dude, what is the matter with you? Yeah. Right? Like, there's clearly something wrong with them. It's that weird sort of, like, they're my only family. You know what that is? You know what that is?

That's the Fast and the Furious mentality. It is. Have you seen the new trailer? my only family. You know what that is? You know what that is? That's the Fast and the Furious mentality. Have you seen the new trailer? It's like sometimes, even when your family does wrong, you gotta do right by them. Like when your family doesn't care, you need to more.

Like what? No! Turn those bastards in! Turn them in! They are officially not in your family anymore when they start kidnapping people. Yeah. Like maybe that rule goes for like when you're eating pizza

and there's one slice left and you're like, you know what, you have it bro. Yeah, that applies. But not when you're like kidnapping human beings. Seriously! I'm telling you, Fast and the Furious has destroyed society. It's like those damn kids,

the bomber in Boston. Like his friends were like, yeah we're gonna go to his apartment and steal his computer and the firework stuff and destroy it. Yeah. So no one finds it. Like, you dumbasses. Now you get to go to jail too, dum-dums. And they probably watched Fast and the Furious. I guarantee they did.

Holy shit. Fast and the Furious, man. It's that whole, like, yeah, we got to stand up for our family. No, no, when your family starts robbing trucks at high speed, you call the police on their asses. Like, look, my family is doing some crazy shit. You need to come arrest them. My brother, Vin Diesel, just robbed a truck at 80 miles an hour. He stole 80 pounds of shine

for his bald head. That's what they use, right? Shine. Shine their bald head. They use turtle wax. Turtle wax. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, seriously, they stole a giant safe out of a bank slash, what was it? I think it was a police station in Brazil. I would have been like, what was it? I think it was a police station in Brazil. I would have been like, hello, authorities? My brother just stole a bank from a police station.

I just thought you'd like to know that if you'd like me to repeat it four more times. I mean, I don't feel like I'm ratting my brother out Because he is my brother But he is a dumbass officer He and his dumbass friends I think one of them is a rapper named Ludacris Those dumbasses Keep stealing shit I'm getting tired of it I'm not going down for their crime

I feel like everyone in America Should be like the uncle of those bomber guys Who is like they are losers They are dumb losers. I was like, exactly. Thank you. Thank you, sir. At least he gets it.

Right? Like, they are dum-dums. They blow shit up. They are stupid. Yes, they are. Yes, they are. Thank you. I think someone said he was charismatic.

So was Charles Manson. Right? Charles Manson got women to kill for him. I mean, come on. No one's like, oh, well, Charles Manson was a good Charles Manson got women to kill for him. I mean, come on. No one's like, oh, well, Charles Manson was a good guy, actually. No. No. It's so bad because, you know, I can't imagine for 10 years.

I can't imagine. It's like that one story of a, I think it was in Australia. This guy kept a girl locked up in his basement for like 14 years. She had like kids by him and like abortions and stuff. And his wife, who lived in the house with him, was like, I didn't know about it. Like, you have got to be kidding me.

Shut up. You did not go in your basement once? In 14 years or however long you kept her there? Shut up. Or hear like shit going on, like someone screaming or talking. Right? Like, my husband went downstairs, and I heard a baby, and I figured, it's just the washing machine. No.

No, you idiot. It's just like this case. There are four girls locked in a house, a two-story house. I don't know where he kept them, but you have, like, windows. Why wouldn't you try to break windows, right? And people around the area, no one has been in that guy's house. I guess people don't go there, but they have, like, barbecues together. Yeah.

They ate ribs together. You know, I'm more mad at his brothers because they are dumbasses. Like, this guy has mental problems. The brothers should just know better. Plus, they're, like, in their 50s. Look, bros, I know you probably think it's really awesome that your brother has four young girls held hostage, but it's not a good thing. There's a great quote. I know that you think it's cool that they got four girls hostage, but it's not cool.

It's not a good thing, you idiot. It's not a good thing at all. It's Fast and Furious. And now they're making a new movie, and the quote from the trailer is like, When your family does wrong, you gotta, like, be cool or something. I don't know the exact quote, but it's pretty much the exact same thing. We're learning from this. It's like, you've got to care about your family even when they don't.

I think that's the quote. Which is just dumb. No. No, Vin Diesel. No. No, Vin Diesel. In the trailer, he gets shot by his former girlfriend. F her.

She shot you, dude. She shot you. Dumb, dumb. She shot you. He's probably a very charismatic guy, dude. She shot you. Dumb, dumb. She shot you. He's probably a very charismatic guy, too. I think what we're learning here. His girlfriend? Well, they're both charismatic.

His girlfriend is a charismatic guy. They're both. I'm telling you. Wait. Okay. Charismatic guys are crazy. But. Oh, of course.

They're narcissistic and super egotistical. The people that are crazy that we see out in public, they're not going to do anything to anybody. They're just crazy people. It's true. You never hear anyone on the news go, when they find someone who shoots someplace up

or someone who kidnaps people or someone who does anything, you never hear them go, oh, he was batshit crazy. It's always like, he was the quiet one. He never really said much. Yeah. He didn't have any friends. He never talked.

Yeah, like, he just kept to himself. You never hear, like, oh, yeah, that guy talked to himself all the time. He shot in the air. He had a gun and shot it all the time. He was crazy. He had, like, 50 cantaloupes in his garden that just sat there for three years. Yeah, his backyard was filled with rotting fruit. And then he went and talked to them.

You never hear that. It's always like, he was so quiet. I want to see a guy with just like a cane walk out to his garden with just like 50 rotting cantaloupes and be like, Jerry! Jerry, damnmit! Why you gotta do this again? I told you last time! He just bashes it over the head and the cantaloupe just

explodes. Just like, that's a lesson to the rest of you. It's a lesson to the rest of you cantaloupes. And he like makes voices for them like, okay, Dante! We won't be bad! That's daddy, we won't be bad. That's right, you won't be bad.

Oh, no, he kept to himself. He was very quiet. He's like a ferret on a leash. It's just running in circles. You know who you have to watch? If you own a ferret, you have to watch out for those people. You do. Those people are one Fast and Furious movie away from doing something insane.

Those people are one Fast and the Furious movie away from doing something insane. People ought to ban everything. Ban Fast and the Furious. That's destroying our society. It is. I think we've finally gotten to the point where we understand. We've cracked the code. For years, people have been blaming movies and music and video games.

It's just the fault of Vin Diesel and everyone else in the cast. I don't remember their names. Wait, doesn't that movie have Chris Rock in it, or is that the other one? I don't. What? What? Chris Rock. Chris Rock is not in any of them.

No. No, what movie is Chris Rock in? What? There's a movie he's in. Uh-huh. With, like, who's that Asian man, you know? All right. Are you mistaking Chris Tucker for Chris Rock?

Oh, yeah. In Rush Hour? Chris Tucker. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah, in Rush Hour. They're, like, the same person. Not even in the least Well that I'm gonna stop you there

Before we get angry letters I'm gonna go yell at my cantaloupes Alright Well that is the thing that just happened So let's head to chapter 17 of the Sky of the Gryndor Gryndor how's that traffic out there Uh Today it appears that there's a car. It's driving down the street. It's a pretty cool car. I've seen

a lot of cars like it, but this one is being driven by a monkey, and that monkey is very furious. He's even too fast and too furious, and he needs to be arrested right now, and the police are on his tail. He's turned into a chase. The monkey will be captured, and he needs to be arrested right now. And the police are at his tail. He's turned into a chase. The monkey will be captured, and he's going to be sent to the prison that Morgan Freeman was in in that one movie. Back to you. I'm not even going to say anything. I'm not even going to say anything.

I'm just going to move on. I'm just going to not say anything. All right. I'm just going to move on. Let's go to weather. Gabs, Nevada. Okay. Gab go to weather. Gabs, Nevada. Okay. Gabs, Nevada.

Gabs, Nevada. It's 55 degrees. It also feels like 55. Mostly cloudy locations nearby are reporting rain. That's that New Mexico rain from yesterday. It is. It finally got them. It got them.

It got them. And if we go to Twitter and we search Gabs, Uh-huh. Lindsay Plord says, I miss Gabs. I bet she's just talking about a restaurant named Gabs. I think she is. I miss Gabs. I miss Gabs.

There's a guy. What the hell is this? There's a guy with a girl, I think he's just like going to prom and it says I can't be horsing around Prom by myself so go with me and he hired like two Clydesdales That's friggin Nevada what's going on in sports in In sports, oh, get this. Bulls beat the Heat yesterday. Is this a resurgence?

Are we back in the 90s now? We are. And the entire Bulls team is, like, injured, and they have, like, the third-string people in, but they beat the Heat. They beat the Heat. Much like a weather report, they beat the heat. And LeBron James was not doing anything except losing.

I imagine they just listened to, like, the 11 o'clock news, like, God, beat the heat tomorrow when you go to the beach. And it's just the basketball team has, like, sun lotion on their nose. And they just, they're wearing like, just swim trunks. Just got swim trunks on. And they're drinking packs of cooler light.

Not cooler light. Cooler light. Cooler light. Oh my god, we need to go into the beer industry and make cooler light. Like, hey guys, what are you looking at for your picnic where you got your coolers? I know. Cooler light. It's better than the other harder

stuff because it's light. What's that stuff called? It's in the little packets and you have to punch it with a straw? What is that? Oh, oh, I know what you're talking about. It's, uh... It's not Sunny D. It is... Capri Sun. Capri Sun. Thank sun thank you cool cooler light i was close

cooler light capri sun and cooler light it's close enough close enough so it's them with like sunscreen and capri sun and that's how they beat them. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. They just squirt the Capri Sun at them. Take that. LeBron's like, it's in my eyes. Oh, man. That's the sports. Wonderful. All right, what is our big news story of the day?

All right, today's story is going to be about five crucial questions to ask your love interest. Okay. Imagine I understand the concept of love. Go. Okay. What are you? So I found a nice young lady who, let's say, is a model slash attorney. Slash.

Slash doctor. Slash doctor. Slash heart surgeon. a model slash attorney slash doctor slash doctor slash heart surgeon. I'm just thinking of things I'll need. She's a heart surgeon on the side. Yes, yes, on the side. Mm-hmm. With baby back ribs.

Mm-hmm. Okay, go. Baby back, baby back, baby back. Crucial question number one. What are you really passionate about right now? So this is like if we're on a date, I should be asking, like, what are you really passionate about right now? Okay, yeah, all right. So this person says.

I feel like I should do this and just record it to get their reactions, which are like, what the hell kind of question is that? I read it on Yahoo. They said, I usually lean in, look him in the eye, and say, so tell me, what are you really passionate about? Says Washington resident Heather, 37. This is why you're single at 37, Heather. I want to know the ratio of legit answer to fake answer. Because I guarantee most of the guys are like, right now, I'm passionate about you. You know that has to happen. Because I guarantee most of the guys are like, right now, I'm passionate about you. Yep.

You know that has to happen. Whoa. Woo. She says. You bumped my pants right off. Oh, my gosh. She says, sometimes my date responds with another question. What do you mean?

I reply by saying that I'm genuinely interested in whatever excites him most in life. What does he love doing more than anything else? Sometimes this question makes my dates uncomfortable, and they shift around in their seats and say they don't really know what to tell me. Or they respond by telling me that they like the normal stuff, work, hanging out with friends, etc. I look for the guy who brightens up at the question and starts to tell me all about whatever it is that he's into right now. To me, it really doesn't matter what makes him happy. It's more important to me to know that there is something in this world that he is really engaged in and feels passionately about.

I find that passion really attractive. You know what my answer would be if she asked me? I'd look her in the eyes and be like, I love Game of Thrones. I'd be like, look, lady, you do not understand. Did you watch the last episode? Oh, my God, poor Sansa. Don't you get it? She had a chance to get out, but she didn't because she's dumb.

Oh, my God. And I'd just sit there the entire time flipping out, and she'd be like, check, please. Now she's got a meritorium. God, you're so dumb, Sansa. So dumb. So dumb. Also, I read the books, and it's going to be amazing. I read them too.

We can't spoil it. It's going to be amazing. I know. At the end of the season, it's going to be like, oh, my God. I told everyone that I watch with since most of them haven't read the books that I'm just going to, instead of watch the screen, on episode nine, I'm just going to turn and watch them. Just to see them lose their minds. It's going to be great. them just to see them lose their minds it's it's like you don't think it's gonna happen and then things happen and you're just like wow I can't believe

that happened it's true that's that's exactly what it's like that see that's what I'm passionate about right now I'm passionate about that and when she would ask me I'd be like that's it and if she accepts it good cuz we're I will bop her pants off later if she doesn't, you know what? I still have Game of Thrones, and she's going home alone. End of story. That's how that works. Because you're not kidnapping her.

I'm not going to kidnap her. I would expect that my family would be like, that's probably the wrong thing to do. They probably would. They're not like Fast and the Furious. They're like, my son Jesse, I'm reporting him to the police. Oh, are you kidding me? I know my mom would. She'd be like, you idiot.

I got to call the police on your dumb ass. Mom, don't. She's like, no, go to hell. But I taught you how to treat people, Jesse. Now you're letting movies inflict you. I've been inflicted with the movies. the movies have inflicted you okay crucial question number two you go back and do one thing differently in your life what would it be after all the dating I've done I've definitely developed a number one question for my date says California says California native Jennifer 34. Oh, they're all women.

No. And they're all in their late 30s. Of course they are. Working out real well. All right. If they could go back and redo one thing over in their life, what would it be? It never fails. I hear about something and it didn't work out and how this person spent time trying to fix it

or just moved on and learned from it instead. This question never elicits a negative response, and I always offer or share my story with my date. It makes men think about being intimidating. It also makes them realize that I'm not a run-of-the-mill woman who just wants to talk about what's on the menu at dinner. Yeah, well, lady, here's what I would say. Biggest regret, going out on this date. Then, there's one thing I do know, is that if someone asks you a question like that,

you never talk about another girl. Ever. Ever. Jesse, I've learned this fact. Just like one time, like, what would you do differently? It's like, well, I'd go back and date that attractive girl that was really similar to me instead of you. No, I mean, like like if someone asks you that, what would you do differently? Never say like, I once dated this

girl and it worked out bad. Don't even bring up women. Be like, yeah, one time I was at the zoo and I had peanuts at an elephant. Yeah. I do that differently. I wish I brought you know, like more peanuts because I ran out.

I had so much fun and I just didn't have the money for peanuts. I mean, this one time I saved, like, 50 children from a burning fire. I'd do that differently. I wish I could have saved, like, all 51, but I could only get 50. Yeah, I had to leave the ugly one behind. I'd do that differently. I mean, he's ugly, so. You know. Nobody likes ugly. They were orphans, too. leave the ugly one behind. I do that differently. I mean, he's ugly, so. You know.

Nobody likes ugly. They were orphans, too. He won't be missed. I find it funny how it's like whenever there's a cute animal or cute thing, everyone's like, oh, we love the cute thing. But if there's like the same thing that's an ugly thing, they're like, eh. They eat it is what they do. Just eat it.

Just eat it. All right, what's next on our list? Crucial question. Fail dating. Number three. Which three people, living or dead, would you invite to dinner and why? I ask my dates which three people, living or dead, they'd invite to dinner and what kind of meal they would make, says Steve34 of Chicago, Illinois. Oh, Steve, you're ruining it.

First off, Steve's ruining it. I thought this was all sad women, but nope, it's sad people. Sad people. Sad people. Then he's going to go on the internet and complain about how he's just like, you know what? Women don't like my questions. I ask the best questions.

You know who I would invite to dinner? Steve. Jesus, Mohammed, and Abraham, and then I'd serve pork. That. And then we'd talk. I'd be like, guys, what the hell's going on with this religion thing? Can we finally get on the same page and not stop fighting each other? And that's what you would do.

That's what I would do. Send your angry letters. I would invite Steve. Steve who? Steve, the guy who asked this question. Oh, okay. Yeah. And Jennifer, who asked the last question. And Heather. And I'd be like, listen,

guys, you gotta stop asking stupid questions. You actually... That's pretty great. You know what i would do the answer that i would give that like i'm trying to think of what the great suave answer would be and i feel like it would be i'd invite you and then my great great grandfather and your great great grandfather and they get to see what what the future would be like, what their great-great-grandchildren will be like. I'm working on this answer. That sounds creepy right now, but I'm working on it.

You're working on it. I'm working on it, right? Because I'm trying to find out what the sweetest answer would be. Basically, I'm trying to calm my way into bopping your pants off is what I'm trying to do. The next girl you date is going to be like, which three people would you invite to dinner? And you're going to be like, I know exactly how invite to dinner and you're gonna be like I know exactly Abraham I mean dot shit

Didn't want to say that one. Oh, damn. Crucial question number four. What's the one thing that surprises you about dating now how it was for 10 years ago? That's a weird question. I like to get a sense of my date's perspective in history, says North Carolina native Margaret45. Since the men... Oh, my God. Oh, my...

All right, that explains that question. She did have a dating scene 10 years ago. She did. She's on the same level... This is Jennifer? This is what's going to happen to you. That would be my answer to Jennifer's question. If you ask dumb questions like this, you're going to be like Margaret45 over there.

That's just... Fight Margaret to dinner. And Jennifer is like, listen, Jennifer, this is what's going to happen to you. Do you see the person sitting next to you? This is what's going to happen to you, Jennifer. That's you, Jennifer. And Margaret just sits there like you want to be 45 crying at dinner that's what you're

gonna be and asking stupid questions about how dating was 10 years ago you want that to be you Holy crap! Oh my god, that's funny. She's like, you know what? I know everybody's sad now, so let's eat. Right? And later you bump her pants off. It's crank to the base.

You crank it up to 11, and it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. And she's like, oh! You just got that. What are those songs where it's like it's got the up to 11, and it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. And she's like, oh. You just got that. What are those songs where it's like it's got the guy with the deep voice who's like, Until three seconds before he started singing, I thought you were talking about Barry White. Clearly that was not. No, it's like a Jamaican guy. And he's always in, like, dubstep songs. And he's like, what's on his own mind? It's in reggae, but not. Well, it's like a Jamaican guy. He's always in dubstep songs.

And he's like, Reggaeton? That's like reggae, but not. Well, he's in dubstep. Well, dubstep reggaeton. Yeah, dubstep reggaeton. Reggaeton. Dubstep reggaeton.

And it's like, it's always the guy, he's always doing that. He's like, What's the fifth one? What did you do last weekend? That's it? That's it.

I would have been like, I went on a date with someone a lot better than you. I like finding out concrete things about the women I date, says Maryland resident Alex 36. Alex. Just, oh, Alex. So, he doesn't ask rhetorical questions about quantum physics or what you'd take with you if a house fire broke out. Oh, I would ask quantum physics. Are you kidding me?

That's how you know if a woman's smart. Look, look. Attractiveness is great, ladies. And I'm all for you busting your ass to be hot, but you need to be a smarty, too. Because eventually, no matter how much you bust your ass to be hot That ass is still gonna droop along with the rest of you and when we're like 80

And I still got to put up with you I would rather you be super intelligent So I don't have to like deal with a dum-dum the rest of my life you got to be pepper pots You got to be my pepper pots. You got to be super smart look hot and take care of me That's what I need. I need that in my life, And if you don't exist, then I guess I will be like Tony Stark and just drink myself to the grave. Comic book Tony Stark, not movie. Movie Tony Stark, not nearly as much of an alcoholic as he should be. And in 20 years, you'll get a robot one anyway.

Right? Oh, I can't wait. No, seriously. Like, oh, so dumb. So, so, these questions are awful. They are awful. Ask quantum physics. Ask them questions about alternate realities.

Like, if you were yourself in an alternate reality, and we were here together right now, but I was a woman and you were a man, what would you say? Their minds just blew the fuck up. My mind just blew up thinking of that. Because it's like, you're challenging their thought process. Right. And they're not used to this. They're used to normal guys being like, what did you do last weekend?

They're used to normal guys. They're not used to wackos. They're not used to people yelling at their cantaloupes with ferrets on a leash. They're used to guys who watch Fast and the Furious, and that's why they get their ass kidnapped. Full circle. We just came around town. Full circle. We drove this one around the block.

We're back. All right. That's it, guys. We are done. Thank you for listening, and we will be back tomorrow with another Cogsquad in the morning. Woo-hoo! To be continued.