Cox n' Crendor Show - Cox n' Crendor: Wednesday, October 15th 2014

Episode Date: October 17, 2014

Have you ever wanted to start your own blues band? Do you enjoy Bavarian polka? Have a 17 hour erection? Then you'll love this episode!

Hello everybody and welcome back to Cox and Crandor in the morning. Welcome to Tuesday, the day of twos. Uh-huh. There's a bunch of twos walking down the street right now. By the time this video gets up, it'll be Wednesday, the day of wens. Oh yeah. The question being, when is this video gets up, it'll be Wednesday. The day of whens. Oh, yeah. The question being, when is this episode actually up? Oh, wait.

It's not even Tuesday anymore. Yeah, no. In your time zone, it's not. This is what happens when you sleep till, like, one in the afternoon. You're a mess. You're a mess. Oh, man. Well, what's on Wednesday?

The day of whens? Nobody likes whens. Well, I want to know when. When what? When you're going to hold my hand. Oh! It's always on Wednesday. It's a really, uh...

It's a really... I don't even know. My brain is just dead because it doesn't realize that it's Tuesday anymore. It did realize it and then was like, You know what? I'm out. I'm out. Yeah, I'm out.

What do you do before or after? Today? Today? Yeah. Whatever day it is right now? No, yesterday. Whatever day it is right now? Today isn't that day I was talking about. Really?

A whole bunch of nothing. I decided I would look in on Amazon Fresh. So for people who don't know what that is, it's Amazon Prime, except in Southern California and Seattle and one other place, I don't remember where, they have a service where like bakeries and butchers and things like that in the area will sell to you and then Amazon will go pick it up and deliver it. And now it's an insane amount of money to actually subscribe to the service. I think it's like $299 a year.

Just to, like, use it? Well, it's for the shipping stuff. So, like, you would have to justify ordering a lot of stuff to have someone drive it to you constantly to make that worth the $299 a year. I don't know that I see that, but I got a free trial because I'm an Amazon Prime member.

So I got a free trial and I was like, well, that's fine by me. Then again, it's $24 a month. That's not that bad. But still, I would have to justify buying stuff. So I'm looking on there right now and really, I could just go to the grocery store down the street.

Right? It seems silly. It seems like it's good for old people. I think what it's for is douchebags because everything on there is really hoity toity. Like, I've got to get my cheeses.

Hold on. I'll log in right now and let you know. Oh, yes. But basically, I'm like, well, you know what? I'll give it a go. I'll see what it's like. And so I have a free 30-day trial. And so I just started ordering things from there.

I ordered $66 worth of stuff. We'll see if that's justified. I got about a week's worth of groceries from there. I ordered $66 worth of stuff. We'll see if that's justified. I got about a week's worth of groceries from there. Everything from fruits and vegetables to meat to a loaf of bread from an artisan bakery. Oh yes! Oh yes! So your refrigerator will have food

in it. For about, you know, it'll whittle down over a week. But, you know, I'm like, I'll try it. And we'll see what it's like i assume it might have its drawbacks like i'm worried that if i order a vegetable from it that it like i won't get fresh fat you know what i mean like yeah they'll give me junk and i and like that's why i like being able to pick out my own fruits and vegetables and things like that how fast do they ship it you select what day you get it.

So I could get it tomorrow, I could get it whenever I wanted to. I wanted to get it Thursday because I'm busy today. Whatever day it is, that's the day I'm busy. Well, because if you pick a vegetable and you pick like two days from now, it's going to be two days old unless they're shipping it that day.

I think they do it that way. Oh. The day where they ship it that day. I think they do it that way. Oh. The day where they ship it that day, they just wait two days. Yeah. Okay. So they say from when you get it. So sometimes when I ordered, let's go to my past purchases so I can show you what I got. All right.

So one avocado, ripe, large. Organic yellow bananas Okay Right Some strawberries Yes Sunflower natural bakery honey loaf Sunflower honey loaf

Yes Like the bread's made out of sunflower No I think that's the brand Oh Honey whole wheat loaf Uncut Like the bread's made out of sunflower? No, I think that's the brand Oh Honey whole wheat loaf Uncut It's an uncut loaf of bread, I gotta cut it myself I'm okay with that

That's an OG loaf Right, and then I got Some meats I got three Cajun jalapeno sausages I know. I'm going to put it on the loaf. Oh, yeah.

I'm going to cut some of the bread and make a fake hot dog with it and eat that. That's better than a real hot dog. I know. And less fake. Like, I'm trying to come up with, like, things. Anyway, so that's some of the stuff that I ordered. I ordered, like, you know, just a bunch of random things. And then I ordered stuff because, oh, Crendor, I made a pizza.

Oh, yes. I made a pizza. Yeah, and so that was stuff that I found at, like, my local grocery store. This thing, I bought all the ingredients, like, the douchey ingredients to make a real pizza. Like, before I got, like, I got, you know, like, dough. I didn't make dough because I don't care that much. But now I have an old Italian man dough, and then I got sauce, and then I bought all the ingredients on here to make it.

So I'm going to make a pizza. I'm very excited. Then you got the – what kind of dough? They sell the pre-made doughs, or they have, like, the dough. This was a pre-made, this was a pre-made dough from a, from the Ralphs down the street. So it probably wasn't, like, the best dough it could have been. But it was delicious. It was fine.

Yeah, I bought the grocery store brand, like, pre-made dough. You, like, roll it out yourself and do all that. Yeah, I'm not a fan of big doughy pizza, so I made mine really thin. Yeah. And then I put sauce and then cheese, and then I read how to make a margarita pizza, and so I put, like, the little, like, green stuff. The green stuff.

I threw some green stuff on there And then that was it Now I didn't put tomatoes because I don't like For some reason I love tomato sauce I love ketchup I don't like cooked Tomato chunks Cold tomatoes fine You can stick a tomato And you can even stick tomato with a hamburger

And that's fine but like cooked tomato Not a fan I don't know why It gets kind of like mushy Yeah not a fan of that So I made like. It gets kind of like mushy. Yeah, not a fan of that. So I made like a margarita pizza minus the tomato with tomato sauce. It was delicious. It was fine. It was like a small little personal pizza and it was good.

So I assumed I'd make another. I'd step up my game. So we'll see what happens. But anyway, so with Amazon Fresh. Now I want to make a pizza. It was a good, you know what? I felt good about it. I think I'm becoming an adult. Oh, man. Now that I know how to make pizza and a potato and cereal,

oh, and macaroni and cheese and grilled cheese and quesadillas, I got all those things. Really? Once you start learning to cook, you become an adult. I got all of it down. Anyway, so the things here. Oh, I made a sweet potato. I got all of it down.

Anyway, so the things here... Oh, I made a sweet potato. Because I was at the store. They had sweet potatoes. And I was like, I want a sweet potato. So I bought one. And I looked up how to bake a sweet potato. And the one guy was like, chop it into little chips. So I did that.

So you make chips out of potatoes with sweet potato but you don't like separate it from the potato and Then you put stuff over that like brown sugar and butter and like maple syrup Then you put on some like oh my god And then you put it in the oven and you bake it and you pull it out. It's like it's amazing. That sounds delicious Yeah And you bake it, and you pull it out, and it's like, it's amazing. That sounds delicious. Yeah. Now I'm mad.

I didn't do that. Should have got a sweet potato. Should have got a sweet potato. It's your next adventure. So this is like when you go there, when you go to Amazon Fresh, there's groceries, there's household. It's everything you can find on Amazon, right? Yeah. But then the cool thing is they have neighborhood shops and restaurants. And so you can order stuff from what's down the street.

And I don't know if these are real shops or not. I have yet to figure that out. I assume some of them are. But some of them seem like places that only exist online. Like what? First class foods. And first class foods looks like the people that ship to like, I don't know, Walmart.

I don't know. Like their logo is not the logo you would see on the side of a restaurant. It's a logo you would see when you're ordering to stock your restaurant. Yeah. So I don't think that's necessarily local. But then there's like the cheese store of Beverly Hills. And I click on that and it's like, you could get a old Quebec cheddar block,

eight ounces, or perchance you'd like a fondue for two package. Would you care for any Edmund Follier Dijon mustard? I don't like Dijon that much. Or perhaps you'd like a pasta meal kit penne with marinara sauce and Reggiano and a bunch of other things. Like, they have all sorts of stuff on here. And then people review it. And so, like, this is very, like, get Ponte Reyes Blue Bay cheese.

But like, okay. So if you order directly from, I feel like you could probably order like the Walmart Corporation shipping people's stuff. Maybe it's even cheaper than if you were to go buy it at Walmart because you're getting it from the source. I imagine that's the case. I just don't know. Like there's a lot of stuff like there's Santa Monica seafood and Huntington meats and things things like that, which, you know, I assume are local because those are places nearby.

But they could not be. They could just be places that exist only on the internet. Like, I don't know. Then there's bakeries and desserts. And mind you, that's the biggest category. The biggest category in here is there's macaroons. There's some place called Mrs. Beasley's. What does Mrs. Beasley's have? Mrs. Beas place called Mrs. Beasley's. What does Mrs. Beasley's have?

Mrs. Beasley? Mrs. Beasley has... And Mrs. Beasley. Oh, this looks like not even real stuff. Mrs. Beasley, your stuff looks like stuff I'd buy at Walmart. Get out of here. What's she making? Like cookies that are too perfectly shaped, stuff like that.

I don't like that. And then there's things like wildflower cupcakes and weird stuff like that. I don't like that. And then there's things like wildflower cupcakes and weird stuff like that. And then there's beverages. And there's a lot of... Apparently every coffee place in the entire city is all about selling their ground coffee on here. Ooh, Intelligentsia coffee.

Oh, that's really good coffee. Yeah, it is. I've had that a lot. Intelligentsia. But they only sell... They only sell... They sell El Diablo Dark Breakfast Blend. Oh, my God. I like that. That coffee's from hell.

There's one called Black Cat. Black Cat Coffee. Wow, El Diablo has four stars, and it's rated by 17 people on here. Oh, whoa. It doesn't match up to David Lynch coffee. I don't think so. I don't think anything does. Now there's a place called Fico. Fico! Artisan

Italian creations, handcrafted by chefs. And you can like buy stuff on here. Handcrafted. Looks like you can get like meat boards and stuff. I don't know why you would want any of this. Yeah, like whole things of meat.

Like a board? I thought it was like a board made of meat. No, it's like you get like a little box and in that box is a bunch of stuff. Oh. So it's like one of those loot crate things. Just a meat box. Yeah, but it's filled with different Italian meats. So there's a bunch of stuff on here

that is, I guess, worth trying, but I don't know if it's worth paying a large amount of money for. Yeah, I don't think it's worth it, but maybe somebody who really likes Diablo coffee and meat boxes will really be into it. Yeah, I don't know that it's worth it, but I have a free trial,

so I'm going to use it and see it, but I have a free trial, so I'm gonna use it and see what's up. And report to the people. I'm reporting to the people. I'll let you know if it sucks or not. Speaking of something that doesn't suck, good transition, Jesse. A few podcasts ago, remember when I said you

really should watch Twin Peaks? Because that is David Lynch at his finest. i said you should watch that guess what's coming back to tv no way twin peaks they're doing a nine episode run on showtime and here's the crazy are you ready for this here's the crazy thing at the end of twin peaks right one of the characters says to the other character i'll see you in 25 years and it's 25 years actually in 2016 it's 25 years but it's close to 25 years that's some david lynch level mind-blowing stuff david lynch waited 20 he waited 25 he knew he said they aren't ready for it i'll see you in 25 years

and that's where we're at he probably just went into that studio and he's like it's been 25 years. And that's where we're at. He probably just went into that studio and he's like, it's been 25 years, Harvey, you're going to allow me to create my TV series yet again. And he's like, yes, David Lynch. I bet that's how it happened. You don't.

Oh man. I want, I want you to. All right. I'm going to send, I'm going to send you a link. Okay. This is,

this is what happens at, in twin peaks at the black lodge get ready get ready because it's full david lynch i'm gonna send you a link oh man i haven't seen any of this in so long we need oh when you come out here next time we need to watch every episode back to back are you ready for this yes watch that video and be blown away. All right. What? Mm-hmm. What? Yep. That's what I told you.

This is the show for you, buddy. This is the show for me. I don't think I've ever seen a show more for me unless it was like Ikea television. That is. Oh, yeah. Even the ending where it's like, it's crazy pants. There's like a creepy little midget man. Oh yeah, no, that is, look, we're going to watch, don't look into the show.

Don't learn anything about the show. We're going to watch it together. When you come out here, we're going to watch, we're going to stream it. We're going to watch us streaming, watching the show. Well, we're not going it we're gonna watch us streaming watching the show well we're not gonna watch us we're gonna well i guess we could we'll have a yeah camera on us while we watch the show yeah and we're gonna stream it for everybody when you come out here oh my goodness and we're gonna marathon it oh man how many how many seasons are there uh there's one and a half it made it made it into a second season and then it got cancelled. Then they made a movie.

Yeah. A movie no one gave a shit about. So basically all David Lynch movies. Oh! By the way, on Sunday, I went golfing. And after we were done golfing...

Wait, wait, wait. What? Don't bury the lead here. You went golfing? Yeah, I went golfing And after we were done golfing Wait, wait, wait, what? Yeah Don't bury the lead here You went golfing? Yeah, I went golfing With who? My friend, Plaza Was this like

Is this like when two dudes go golfing And they're like Hey man, we're golfing Or were you like full real golfing? It was a little in between We start out pretty intense Like yeah, we're gonna do it And then we end just like

Whatever I mean I almost got par on like half the holes If my putting wasn't bad Yeah That's besides the point I don't know it sounds like the point to me I beat him I won And it was great

But here's the thing Afterwards they were having a mini Oktoberfest. And there was all these old people there. And there was like a bunch of families there. Because nobody else was like golfing because it was like 60 degrees. And they were like, it's too cold to golf. And I was like, pfft. But, then we went to the Oktoberfest thing.

And there was this band of old people. And they all brought their instruments. One guy had an accordion. One guy had a drum set. One guy had, like, the tuba. And the one guy, he had this giant horn. And he would be like... And he would just keep playing it.

And then everybody was like, play the song. And it would be the typical, like, October Fest music. But then he would have, like, horn solos. And he got really into it. Because I'm pretty sure he was really drunk. And he was just like. And he would keep going around the place. Like, going up to different people and doing it.

And be like, what's going on? And then he'd just, like, start dancing. And he would just keep around the place like going up to different people and doing it and be like what's going on and then he'd just like start dancing and he would just keep walking around being like he did that for like 10 minutes and we were just like what is happening and people just start being like how long is he gonna go for and then he just he finally stopped and his face was really red but you could tell he lived for that moment because that was his horn. He kept that giant horn in his house and brought it here every year. And you knew this was his life. Can we make a Bavarian song for everyone so someone can edit it into an amazing song? Okay.

All right, I'll be the boop boop. Okay. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. What is that? What is that? I don't know. You were like... What was that?

I don't know. An instrument. It was certainly a something. Alright, enough of all that. Let's go to Chapter 7 of the Scout of the Grendor. Grendor, how's that traffic out there? Traffic today is going as you would expect traffic on a Tuesday, Wednesday-ish

day to be going. Right now I see Pedro Jonas buying some Oktoberfest brews good for him i also see grimlock he's being uh stuck in gridlock as you might say down there on the uh hip side of the kids and their lingo uh there's also headwind and he's just uh cutting the lawn for all for all the old people that can't cut their lawn because they're out at Oktoberfest drinking and having a good time. Back to you.

Thanks, Crendor. Now let's go over to Crendor at the weather desk. How's that weather, Crendor? Oh, man, let me tell you something about weather. Please do. It's exciting. I disagree. So since it's October, why don't we go on down to a spooky brook golf course new jersey

yeah sure okay golf course also fitting to our golf theme uh today there it's gonna be raining uh if you're gonna be teeing off the golf index is excellent wait what, what? Yeah. If you're teeing off in the rain, it's good. Yeah. You're sending people to their deaths. You're sending people to their deaths. That's for Thursday. For today, it's a golf index of three, which is poor. I was about to say, you are sending people to go die.

Be sure to hold those metal rods up high in the air, kids. Be sure to hold those metal rods up high in the air, kids. But, you know, it's going to be a poor day to golf there, so don't go 92% humidity. It's going to be humid, too. It's a bad day for golf in Spooky Brook. Okay, speaking of golf, let's move on to sports. Oh, yeah.

Well, I got some sports news for you. Uh-huh. Josh Beckett's going to retire from Well, I got some sports news for you. Uh-huh. Josh Beckett's going to retire from baseball. I don't know who that is. He's a pitcher for the Los Angeles Dodgers. Still don't know who that is. I don't even know what baseball is anymore. All I seem to recall is a long time ago, there were nine young kids on a sandlot, and they played a game.

And a guy was being killed by Smalls. By Smalls? You're killing me, Smalls! Oh yeah, the sandlot. Jesus Christ. They should just... Did we ever talk about how they should just give all the baseball players steroids again? I miss that

I miss when they had giant heads and weird bodies I know And they would always hit home runs You know what? If you're going to go into sports You're there for our amusement Yeah You're there for our amusement

And we should just jack you up on Like football players should be like Banes everyone's a Bane and you just murder each other where's murder ball you figure we would have that by now can we get robots to do that if people won't do it let's get robots make robots our entertainment

oh man I can't wait till robots are the entertainment I can't wait too cause then the robots will like kill each other I'll be great and And they're robots. That's when RG4 shines. Yeah, they won't develop any sentience and then regret and hate us for that. RG4

cannot tear ACLs for he lacks one. Right? Nelson Cruz was the home run leader this year with 40 home runs. 40? Remember when it was like 1 with 40 home runs. 40? 40. Remember when it was like 1,000 home runs? Barry Bonds hit like 80 home runs when he was jacked up on steroids.

He doubled that. Also, the bats were made of tree trunks. Yeah. And the balls were made of human heads. It was an old sacrificial rite. Single season. The glorious days. When baseball was baseball so get this barry bonds hit 73 home

runs in 2001 he almost double bet mark mcguire when he was jacked up on steroids 70 and 98 sammy sosa 66 i remember seeing barry bonds, my parents, huge Pirate fans. I remember seeing Barry Bonds play for the Pirates a long time ago. And that versus him when he was with the Giants, not even the same person. Like, he was definitely on drugs. Like, something happened. He was, like, super skinny. He was like a stick. Yeah.

And then he just became like... What was that? What happened? He just blew up like Augustus Gloop. But on steroids. His candy, the steroids. That's, I mean, that's all I know. Yep.

All right. Now it's boring. That's sports. All right. Now it's boring. That's sports. That's sports. It's boring. All right. What's our big news? I can't even speak.

The big news. What's the big news? What's the big news? Well, I picked out an array of stories. You always do this. You have to make me choose. All right. Jason Garnett. You have to make me choose. All right. Jason Garnett treated for 17-hour erection.

Uh-huh. That's a good story. We also have mom burglarizes cars at school, claims she's looking for ISIS. What school is that? All right. This is the one we're doing then. What school is that? All right, this is the one we're doing then.

Apparently, there's growing concern that Islamist state of Iraq and Syria could attack the United States from within. Cops just don't believe the terrorists will start by hiding in cars on Mississippi school property. That allegedly didn't stop Lisa Carol Roche from using ISIS as an alibi. The Hurley woman is accused of burglarizing cars in the parking lot of her children's school, then telling officers she's looking for ISIS terrorists. Roche 41 was allegedly caught stealing sunglasses and other items from cars. East Central High School, Foxtown reports. She remained in Jackson County Adult Detention Center Friday. She's been charged previously with careless driving,

felony fraud, and felony embezzlement. Faces up to five years in prison. Look, baby girl, you're 41 years old. It is time to grow up. She's also... Look at this picture. Girl, you are 41

years old. It is time you grew the hell up and stopped trying to steal stuff. All right, never mind. Look at those tats. Yeah, no, no. There's no saving that woman. She's gone. She's long gone.

She's gone. She's gone. Long gone. Here's the good part. Here's the part of the story that we all need to focus on. Her kids are still in high school. If your mom looked like that, I would praise you for being able to stay in school. You should be a felon.

If your mom looked like that, you should be in jail right now with her. So the fact that her kids are still in school, that's pretty good. Yeah. That's pretty good. Good on them. Yeah. And here, this is a good story for our japanese stuff japanese pop music idols are usually forbidden by their managers to date or marry lest they disappoint their fans but one j-pop band called the happening girls is changing the game the four members are planning to date and possibly marry their fans while wearing bikinis.

What? Yep. The Happening Girls. I'm googling that. The Happening Girls. The Happening Girls. The Happening Girls. Okay, continue that story. Go on. The Tokyo-based quartet known for wearing two-piece

bathing suits in public has just started a reality show on Kando TV where fans audition to be potential partner for We are positively encouraging our fans to meet and date the girls. As the voice we've chosen. Show spokesman Taruki Aoki said, according to the Daily Mail, How they got on and how far they go is up to them, but they are contracted to let us into their private life and share in the relationship. That sounds like a really shitty contract to me. The current lineup is made up of...

Monaka. Yeah, no I thought it would be like Fake Korean K-pop stars Where they're all plastic surgery to look wonderful No, there's no plastic surgery Zero plastic surgery More like the nothing's happening, girls Am I right?

I mean, they're beautiful They're just, you know Not fake beautiful And that's what I want in my celebrities happening girls am I right I mean they're beautiful they're just you know not fake beautiful and that's what I that's what I want my celebrities yeah I want like you made yourself through hours of surgery and hating your

appearance into beautiful well I mean if you want to be in the happening girls reality show ads are coming up that say you have to live in Tokyo and be between the ages of 17 and 30, and most important, have no objections to wearing bikinis in public. Wait, oh, oh, oh, oh, that's to be in it. I thought you went to marry them. I was like, I mean, I'll do it.

That's a weird request. But if you want me in a bikini, I be in it. I thought you went to marry them. I was like, I mean, I'll do it. That's a weird request, but if you want me in a bikini, I'll do it. I mean, yeah, you know, if you're going to marry one, you got to get used to them wearing a bikini in public.

Yeah, no, I mean, if you want me to join in, you'd be the, what would your band be called? It wouldn't be the happening girl. Then it'd have to be changed to like,

like a hoodie and the blowfish. It's got to be like Jesse and the Happenings. Yeah. Oh, I remember there was an old how to make your band thing. I think it was like a jazz, a blues band. Oh, yeah, a blues band. How to make your blues band. Pick a disease.

Don't do it yet. Have it in your mind. Okay. Pick a disease. Pick a fruit or vegetable. Okay. Actually, maybe it's just a fruit pick a fruit okay and then pick a the last name of a president the bola apple obama that's that's your that's your thing mine mine mine was was good mine was called cold peach roosevelt

that is a good one cold peach my i And then because I liked it so much, I thought it would be Cold Peach Roosevelt and the New Deal. That's my band's name. Is that a good band name? I mean, it's not as good as Ebola Apple Obama. Cold Peach Roosevelt. You can do it with anything like

Syphilis. It's very topical. We're number two in syphilis. It's very topical. We're number two in syphilis-related podcasts. All right. So syphilis, syphilis, kiwi. Kennedy. There we go. Syphilis, kiwi, Kennedy.

That's a nice one. That rolls off your tongue. Right? Then we can do Hemorrhoids Pear Monroe. Hemorrhoids Pear Monroe. That's a good name. I mean, it's a pretty good name. Hemorrhoids Pear Monroe.

What about Polio Pineapple? You're trying to look for a P. Amro is Pam Monroe. What about polio, pineapple? You're trying to look for a P. There's no P president. Roosevelt. Nope. We already did Roosevelt. You got to know other presidents. Polio, pineapple, Lincoln.

No, there's got to be a P president. No, there is no P president. Yes, there is. There is no P president. There's got to be a P president. No, there is no P president. Yes, there is. There is no P president. There's got to be. There is no P president. Oh, the polio pineapple bush. That just sounds like a bush you don't want to eat from.

That'd be the album cover. It's just like a bush that has polio but grows pineapples. And if you eat the pineapples you get polio. That is really sad. What about bronchitis banana Buchanan. Oh, that's a good one.

I like that one. I still think cold peach Roosevelt's a better one. It's the best one so far. Cold peach Roosevelt, I like that. Washington, what if you tied it in with a cherry? A cherry's a fruit, right? It's the best one so far. Yeah. Cold Peach Roosevelt. I like that. What about Washington? What if you tied it in with a cherry? A cherry's a fruit, right? Oh!

Yeah. Gum disease, cherry Washington. Yep. That's pretty good. That is pretty good. That's pretty good. Mm-hmm. All right. So I want to get back to that first story before we end here.

What happened to a dude with 17-hour erection? Leave your band names in the comments. I want to get back to that first story before we end here. What happened to a dude with a 17-hour erection? Leave your band names in the comments. I want to read them. Jason Garnett will always remember last Friday. Garnett, 23, woke up. That's an amazing intro. He'll always remember it. Jason Garnett will always remember it.

But for the rest of us, it was just Friday. That morning, he woke up with an erection that refused to go down. In fact, Garnet's penis stood up at attention for more than 17 hours. Why? What happened? At first, Garnet wasn't worried much about it and went to his job at a hotel in Harrogate, UK. But around lunchtime, he became concerned when taking an ice bath and going for a jog didn't alter the situation. He realized

something was up. Question. Question. How many hours a day does this man work? When did he go into work? Well, it says eight hours after waking up, Garnett told his roommate about his problems. Yeah, but

he had a boner. Yeah. And then he went to work, right? Mm-hmm. But then he went and then took an ice bath and went for a jog? Yeah, I don't know. Maybe he worked. I'll give him the six-hour shift.

I'll give him six hours. Yeah, give him six hours. I'm trying to put the times together here. I'm just trying to make sense of this. Yeah. You should have seen the look on his face when I told him what was wrong, Garnett told the son. He was in hysterics at first, but then he realized how serious the situation was. Garnett was taken to a hospital and was diagnosed with preapism,

a rare condition where erections do not subside. It is not caused by sexual desire or stimulation, but untreated. It can permanently damage the penis. Okay, but what caused it? Well, I said doctors had to drain two pints of blood from his penis to reduce the pressure on his organ. Okay, but what caused it? I don't need the details of them needling his dick. I need to know what caused it. needling his dick, I need to know what caused it.

They say that misuse of prescription drugs and alcohol and drug abuse can cause it. Spinal cord injury, blood clots, poisonous venom from scorpions or black widow spiders. In the dick?

I don't know. If a scorpion stings me in the dick, I'm just gonna count myself as dead, because how does scorpion get there? That's all I want't know. If a scorpion stings me in the dick, I'm just going to count myself as dead. Because how does a scorpion get there? That's all I want to know. Apparently the most common cause of it is sickle cell anemia. Really? Yep.

You know what? I'm going to say this guy has got drug problems. I'm going to say he's got drug problems, too. He probably was drinking and drugging, and he woke up in the morning. He was like, man, that was so hard. They also say it's a side effect of drugs such as Viagra, Cialis, Levitra, all those, Prozac, Zipraxa, Coumadin, Welbutrin. That's why I'll never take those.

I'd rather have to admit that I am old and can never get hard again than risk having my dick explode off. Yeah. I'd rather be able to keep it. I'd rather have. I'd rather have. I don't know. I was going to come up with a creative name. I'd rather have a cold peach Roosevelt down there.

I'd rather be that old man that just, you know, goes to the park and feeds the birds than goes and eats lunch at the... As my wife is left completely unsatisfied and we don't talk to each other. I'd rather be that guy than have my dick explode off. You're first. What walk of shame would you rather have? The walk of shame of of like, oh, I can't have sex anymore and I'm old or the walk of shame where you

went to the doctor and you're like 85 and you're like doctor, my wiener has been hard for days. You tell me. You tell me which walk of shame you would rather have. After that, I don't think you're going to want to have sex anymore.

Right? Lessons will be learned. So, that's all I'm saying. Go along with nature. I'm avoiding problems. Nature says you're done. Say, you know what? I'm done.

Speaking of done, that's it for the podcast. Thank you for watching, everybody. Listening, whatever you're doing. And, as always... To be continued.