Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 101 - The Crendor Show

Episode Date: April 26, 2015

In this episode Crendor insists he should make his own podcast, Jesse shares some stories of his time in Poland, and the boys try to solve the case of the missing lunch meat.

Hello everybody, it's time for Cox and Crendor in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. In 4 hour recording studio. Recording. Wake your ass up, it's Cox and Crendor in the morning. Cox and Crendor in the morning. Hello everybody, welcome to Cox and Crandor in the morning! Poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo-poo! We're going in the morning! Hello everybody, welcome to Cox and Crandor in the morning.

Ah! Ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Yeah? How you doing? I didn't even know how to express myself, so I just made a sound. I, I, it was definitely a sound. What, what's the sound for?

Uh, the sound is how I was feeling feeling because I couldn't put it into words. Like a pirate? Like a pirate attacking a ship? No, like, ah, ha, ha. Yes, like a pirate. Nope, that's Jack Sparrow is what that is. Yeah. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

You'll always remember this as the day. You are savaged by Walcrendor. Remember, this is the day you are savaged by wild Krendor. Yarr. We'll plunder your loot and your booty. Mm-hmm. Both of them. That's what I'm after. That's the kind of pirate I am.

I'm a booty pirate. A booty pirate. I love that booty. Oh, my God, Krendor. I am so jet lagged. Oh, my God. You've been so jet lagged. Oh my god. You've been on, like, a wild adventure. You went to, like, England for, like, a month, and then you went to Poland, like, a week after.

You have no clue. I'm a mess. I'm a legitimate mess. I got back Sunday night, and I felt great. I was like, well, I feel really good. And then I made a video, went to bed, put out the video the next day, was like, oh man, I'm ahead of the game, I'm gonna do so many videos today. I think I slept

all day Monday. Woke up Tuesday and was like, well I got this podcast to do so I might as well get a video done. Started working on a video, my throat felt weird. And it still does. I don't feel sick but my throat's a little like, bleh. That means you could be getting sick. Well, here's the thing, is it's getting better. I don't feel sick, but my throat's a little like, bleh. That means you could be getting sick.

Well, here's the thing, is it's getting better. But it's, like, I couldn't swallow. It hurt. I don't know. Anyway. So then, I did the Co-Optional podcast on Tuesday, and then the minute it was over, I was like,

man, am I tired? So I went back to bed and slept until maybe 5 a.m. this morning. So I'm hoping I'm done. But all day today I had moments of like, you know what would be great? What if you went to sleep again? And I was like, no, no, body, no. I had that when I reset my sleep schedule. I didn't go around the world, but I was at home.

And I just felt like resetting it. And because your body's so used to going to sleep when you're awake, it's like, and you just feel tired. I'm not even, I'm a mess. I'm not even, I don't even know what's going to happen. I just discovered that at the end of May, I got invited to an event in Germany. Then, on the way back from the Germany event, they wanted me to go to Montreal for another event that literally takes place two days after.

So I may just fly to Montreal and get a hotel in Montreal for a few days for that event. Then fly back to LA to go to another event, all leading up to E3. I don't know. Well, I mean... I've't know. I... I've made mistakes. Mistakes? I've made a few. But man,

I like traveling. I don't like the flying. Oh god, flying sucks, man. It's the worst. I have seen literally every movie that's come out in the last two years now. I could... You name a movie, both German and English, I could tell you about that movie. I've seen every movie there is to see.

One of the things I did notice is on flights from America to London, they show different movies than on flights from America to Germany. Like what? And then into Poland. One of the craziest differences was World War II movies, there were none of them. The only World War II movie on a German flight was

the one with Benedict Cumberbatch where he, the Enigma Code. Yeah, Imitation Game. Yeah, that's the only one. Meanwhile, on the flight to Britain, I was watching like Fury and also, I guess what I'm saying is Germans not fan of movies

where dudes just murder Germans. Yeah. I guess America would be that way. There's called a movie like The War of 1812. It was a bunch of British guys just murdering Americans. I bet we'd be pretty pissed about that.

But yeah, I don't know. I've seen everything. I finally, and then we can talk about but um yeah I don't know I've seen everything I finally and then we can talk about this now I finally saw Whiplash holy crap yeah I know right oh like Dodger and I had a conversation after it was over where we were very much in dispute about the ending

yeah this is a spoiler warning for those of you who are have not seen Whiplash Stop the podcast now and go watch that movie Find a way to watch Whiplash Come back First off that movie is maybe an hour and a half Maybe two hours

I was on the edge of my seat And I don't know if it was for a good reason It wasn't like a crazy action adventure It was so much Just like in your face the entire time. Yes. It was an intense movie. And the ending, I didn't know whether I should be happy or mad.

The entire movie is this man is just hammering this, basically hammering the kid from Insurgent and Divergent, the Malfoy kid, hammering him down repeatedly and constantly ruining this poor kid's life. Yep. And causing him to like physically bleed just to play the drums. And in the end, it's one of those moments like, should I be happy for this kid? Or should I be angry that he fell for something so stupid? I know. I'm like, well, it's like you you get it, like, he's doing all this

because he's like, I want to be the best ever, but it's like, I don't know, he's like, he's going pretty insane with it, like, he's giving up. Yeah, like, he's giving up his girlfriend, he's like, he really pretty much, like, went, became an asshole to his entire family. I don't know. And then the teacher got,

like, fired. Yeah, but then the teacher was like, man, all I wanted was for that one student. I just wanted to, you know, create the next big great. And he convinces him, and then it's all set up by the teacher because, like, I know you're the one. Right? Mm-hmm. And then he has this moment of, like, he shows the teacher, like, F you, I am the best. And, like, it's amazing it's an

amazing scene yeah and the last moment is the teacher smiling at him and being like I found the one and then him smiling back at this teacher and it's like wait are they friends now have they impressed each other and it's like fate to black I'm like no no you can't end that way uh I'm just saying watch this movie. It's a movie where I would say, watch it all. The ending's not nearly as important as everything that leads up to the ending. Watch it all and be like, make your own decision. Yeah, it's a really good movie.

Because, holy crap. Like that, yeah, it's one of those movies where I realize, oh, I would have quit. I would have been that one dude who's like, I'm out. I'm out. I would have been like, I guess I gotta go do something else now. Yeah, when my hands are bleeding, I have to dip them in ice buckets just to play drums in your shitty jazz band. I'm out. I guess what we learned is that we never want to master a craft.

I want to master no craft. I want to be the guy that has a mediocre book, a mediocre game, a mediocre video. Yeah, everything about me will be just par. Just okay. I can live with that. I was like, nope. If this is what it takes, I am out. But isn't the flight to Poland like 18 hours or something?

It's the flight from America to the UK is 11 hours. The flight from, well, from LA to the UK is 11 hours. The flight from, well, from LA to the UK is 11 hours. From LA to Germany was, like, about the same. And then from Germany to Poland is another hour and a half. Oh. That's not terrible. So it is. It was a lot of time.

It was a lot of time in the air. And then the flight. Oh, my God. The flight back from Germany. I, oh, Crandor. I've heard over the years of German efficiency. Yes. I believe it does not exist.

Why not? Having experienced the Frankfurt Airport and the customer service at the Frankfurt Airport, I'm convinced such a thing does not exist. Oh. They were all over the place. First off, you land, and then you land outside, not on the actual airport. We landed, and we had to get off and then take buses to get to the actual terminal. the actual airport part, we landed and we had to get off and then take buses to get to the actual terminal.

Then from the terminal, we had to take those, like, land transport things, people movers, and get us to, like, another terminal. Then we were at the far end of this terminal. It was a mess. And then I got there and they printed out our ticket because, first off, oh, here's the best part. Going from Poland to Germany, they didn't – everyone else who was with us had tickets and they were out our ticket because first off, oh here's the best part going from Poland to Germany they didn't, everyone else who was with us had tickets and they were all sitting together I was not among them

I was like wait what? They're like sorry sir let's find your ticket so they had to print out my ticket I ended up being like way in the back so then when I got to the next place they were like oh sorry sir looks like your next ticket is a middle seat on the way back to America. A middle seat.

A middle seat. For 11 hours. I am no Tiny Tim. Yeah. I would have been squashed between whoever the hell was on either side of me. Jim Jim and Large Larry. And, oh, my God. So I went to the counter, and I was like, do you have any upgrades for purchase?

I would rather not be a middle seat on the way back to America because that would be the worst. Like, well, we have premium economy. I'm like, oh, that's great. That shouldn't be much more. And it won't be like business class or whatever, but it's cost a thousand bucks. Like, I'm in. I will take it. I will take it.

And they're like, all right, sir. It looks like we it's cost a thousand bucks. Like, I'm in. I will take it. I will take it. And they're like, all right, sir, it looks like we can get you an aisle seat. Well, that works. I'm like, look, as long as it's not the middle, I'll take it. Yeah. She goes, starts doing all the work. 10 minutes passes.

20 minutes passes. Another woman has to come over and help her. Another 10 minutes passes. Another woman. So there are three women working on my one ticket. A massive line is formed behind me. Everyone else is like, what's going on? I'm like, I have no clue.

They said they had it done, and now they've already taken my money. Now they can't get it to work. So then what happens, because F me, I get my ticket, and what do I notice? Usually, if you're in an aisle seat, you're either like B or C, right? Like those are the, or like B or D. Cause there usually is no C,

but whatever. It doesn't matter. Yeah. I'm H like what the hell's H? Yeah. It's another aisle seat. Sorry. I'm sorry.

Middle seat. Yeah. It's another middle seat. So now I have upgraded. I spent money to upgrade from a middle seat to a middle seat. Higher class middle seat. Oh, yes. But not that much higher class because it was premium economy.

So literally it was just like, you get a little more leg room. Same effing place. Just a little more leg room. And I paid money for it. 11 hours scrunched up in a seat watching movies I was just done

I slept the entire time I couldn't I was just like can I have alcohol and they're like oh sir there's a charge for alcohol and economy

I was like I don't care just give me drinks and I slept the entire I've never been that is the second time in a row coming back from Europe To America where shit has just gone wrong In less than a month Time mind you

I just I can't win Flying to Europe Always ends up well for me I managed to get a business class flight to Europe This time 120 bucks 120 bucks I upgraded for 100 flight to Europe. This time 120 bucks. 120 bucks! I upgraded for 100.

Like, going to Europe, I do great. It's like they want me out of the country. They're like, get him out of America. Coming back, they do everything in their power to keep me from coming back in the country. Man, it did. At least you weren't sick this time from

drinking. That's true. No, I wasn't sick this time from drinking. That's true. No, I wasn't sick. I had enough to get sleepy, and then I slept. But then my payment for that is I've been completely jet lagged. I'm a mess, man. I'm a mess. I can't do this shit.

I can't do anything. Although, holy shit, do I have a story to tell you. All right. So we went to Poland for the Witcher event To go see the game Witcher 3 And there was a party that they had The very last night we were there We all drove out, and there was a lot of us there We all drove out to this

Forest fort It was an old timey fort Like a Viking fort And cosplayers were there As like Witcher characters But there were also like Viking dudes there because there's a Viking area in Witcher 3 and so we were all

very like what we get there there's tables laid out with food dudes drinking mead right you could earn you could earn coins to buy alcohol and food and stuff and so you had to do like hunting so you would use you would use, like, your bow, you would use a bow and arrow, or you would throw a hatchet, or you would be a blacksmith and you would,

you know, do blacksmith stuff. And there was, like, bread baking and pottery and weaving, all sorts of shit. It was so cool. Anyway, the best part, besides the fact that I was stuck for 45 minutes being a blacksmith, because everyone ditched me and no one was coming to take my place, so I'm just manning those air thingies, whatever those are called, where you go like whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. It stokes the fire.

Oh, yeah. Whatever it's called. I'm sitting there just doing that forever. And I was like, does anyone want to do this? They're like, no, that looks like work. I'm like,

Oh my God. Meanwhile. Oh, by the way, putting Dodger on blast. Meanwhile, while I'm doing that, everyone's talking to me.

She sneaks behind him and steals like 15 coins. Girl's a thief. Girl's a thief. She stole a bunch of coins. Cause you didn't want to do work. I'm putting her on blast. I'm putting her on blast. I mean, did she get caught?

No. So, I mean, she can't get caught now because we're not in Poland anymore. There is no extradition for stealing fake coins. But if there was, I'd put her in prison. Put her in prison. Throw her in prison. And she definitely did not give me some of those coins when I caught her. Because I'm upstanding and would not accept coins from a thief.

He said, being a liar. But, um, so, there was a moment where the king of this village comes out and he's like, we are going to do for you a

presentation of battles, like, retelling of battles. So all the dudes in their, I guess, Viking garb go out on the battlefield. And there was one guy, because he had pajama pants on, and they kept shouting, go pajama pants! He was my champion. And they would fight, and they would reenact battles and stuff, right? Yeah. But at the end of the battle, after everyone was dead but one guy, the king

would turn to the crowd and go, Now using my kingly magic, I will resurrect you! Rise, my warriors! They'd all get back up. And I'm pretty sure every video of the event has me shouting at the top of my lungs,

He's a necromancer! I was so excited. It was wonderful. We had a blast. That's what I did. What did you do? Let me tell you something. Besides, what was that? Was that a swing of booze?

What were you doing? It was water. It was my vodka. It was from Trader Joe's Alkaline Water and Electrolytes. It would be better if you just Trader Joe's Alcohol. I don't know what it is, but it's from Trader Joe's and I spent a ton of money on it. It's only like a dollar. Trader Joe

has good prices. Strongly disagree. So, here's what I did. I played some games like Grand Theft Auto. Came out for the PC. I went to Ikea. Uh-huh. And bought some food.

Uh-huh. And that's about it. You're leading the crazy life, man. Yeah, I didn't travel like 80 billion hours to go to a foreign country. You really are doing nothing. Yeah. People often wonder, what would Krendor do? The answer, very, very little.

Yeah. That's why everyone's like, you should make more podcasts. I'm like, I can make podcasts. I don't do anything. But Jesse like travels the world. That's true. I'm a world. I'm a worldly traveler.

That's true. I'm a world... I'm a worldly traveler. That's why. I can make, like, the Kren... Krencast. Uh-huh. And it's just gonna be, what would you talk about on the Krencast? What would you do on the Krencast? Give us... I'm gonna shut up. Alright. Five minutes of the Krencast.

Go. Five minutes. Five minutes. Okay. Five minutes. Go. Krencast. Do an introduction. Do all of it. And go. Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Crencast. My name is Crendor, and I'll be your host of the Crencast. And today, we're going to be discussing whatever I feel like. So, first off, I was just drinking this Coca-Cola, and I noticed it has 75 milligrams of sodium and 65 grams of carbohydrates. The big thing is it also says it has 65 grams of sugar.

Now, it says 22% of your daily value of the carbs and the sugars and i don't know which one that i'd imagine sugar is the 22 percent but don't laugh you keep going i'm not positive uh also on this bottle if you look at the ingredients it says carbonated water high fructose corn syrup, caramel color, phosphoric acid, natural flavors, and caffeine. Why is caffeine last on that list? I feel like it should be bumped up a few spots and replaced with natural flavors because nobody even needs those. And caramel color.

I mean, come on. And high fructose corn syrups and everything. Nobody even wants it anymore. So why are you advertising it that you're putting it in even though you gotta legally do it but i mean if you gotta legally do it there's a problem uh also uh if you compare that to trader joe's electrolyte water you got a big difference uh it actually has the ingredients of the electrolyte water it says purified water electrolytes potassium carbonate potassium bicarbonate and magnesium sulfate and it has you got it zero grams of sugar now if you're trying to not get diabetes that's the drink to go with plus it costs less and you get more than this

coca-cola however sometimes you just want to drink a Coca-Cola with your meal. You want the carbonation. You want the feel of the bubbles on your tongue. And that leads you to the question, why do people want that? Why would you rather have the carbonation over a bottle of water? You're laughing. You're erupting my show. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Okay. And I mean, you know, people pay good money at sporting events for Coca-Colas. Well, they could just, you know, have some water. And, you know, that makes you think about how addictive sugar and high fructose corn syrup can be and so i've brought on a guest today uh dr julian oblong and he's going to tell us about the way sugar can affect the body julian uh hello my name is julian ob. I'm here to tell you about sugars. Thanks, Julian.

So how can sugar affect the body? Oh, yes. If you actually look at the human body, it needs a certain amount of sugars, but those are also good sugars, like the kinds you find in fruit, which is normal fructose, not fructose corn syrup. That's been modified by the Illuminati to, you know, trick you into believing their agenda. All right, thanks, Doctor, for coming on the show. Wait, you brought him on just to say that? Hey, I'm not done yet. The Doctor got 30 seconds. You were like, Doctor, come on. He's like, okay.

I'm Harry Caray. And I'm here to talk to you about the Illuminati. Either way. You brought the ghost of Harry Caray. It's me, Harry Caray. I'm here to talk to you about cancer. That's the only information I needed out of him. Oh, so then you were like, thanks for coming on Get Out Coast.

Yeah, then we kick him out. Okay. I'm going to take a rocket ship to the sun. Speaking of sugars and sporting events, I've noticed that all these sporting events are talking about uh just crazy access to all their sports for example major league baseball to start a thing where you can have ultimate access to everything so you watch a game on the internet and it shows you like the latitude and longitude the player took to catch a ball. Now, I don't know about you, but I don't care about that information,

and I'm not going to pay $80 to have access to how far, you know, Ben Robertson can throw from right field. I think it's stupid. You know what else I think is stupid? High fructose corn syrup. Thanks for listening. Nailed it. Nailed it. Truly one of the greats, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah for listening. Nailed it. Nailed it. Truly

one of the greats, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, I didn't even train. Training is not even remotely close to what you were doing. That is super true. Alright, well, uh, I guess all that's left

to do now is go to Chopper Cops. How's that traffic out there? Oh, man, traffic's built up over time, because people, they've been stuck because of a few accidents, but all the accidents are lined up perfectly, a geometric shape, so that they can't move anywhere for just days. And it appears that James Fox has gotten out of his car

to set up a campfire. And it looks like he's cooking some food with a sandwich. That's right. His name is a sandwich. Not to be confused with an actual sandwich. It appears they're cooking up some hot dogs. So a good old campfire for them. Back to you.

Thanks, Crandor. Now let's go over to Crandor at the weather desk. How's the weather out there? Hey, man, I'm gonna check some weather for you today. We going to Woppy? Uh, I think Woppy's kinda rusty. I mean, I could try to...

Wait, wait, how'd he get rusty? I don't know, I left him out in the rain. Why would you do that? He's the weather machine. Wouldn't you know not to do that? Uh, you'd think so. But sometimes he likes to go outside. Wait, what? He just gets up like, Woppy's out.

How else is he going to get exercise? All right. Man's got a point. Man's got a point. Hold on. Let me check. No, he's not doing it. All right, great.

So we got to go to Wopie, Poland. All right. I was going to say Wopie, Poland, but I don't think it's pronounced that way. It's actually going to be 62 degrees today in Wopie, Poland. Mostly sunny. Got a lot of wind, though. 18 miles per hour of wind. That's a nice, strong gust.

And speaking of Wopie, Poland, if we search it on Twitter, we find a bunch of Polish language tweets that I can't read. I'm sorry, what? tweets that I can't read. Rules Jiggin Gatoo Pie Rindu Weki Nog Nagagabar Arab I'm sorry, what? Oh wait, where'd it go? Rules Jiggin Gatoo Pie Rindu We Nak

Nagagabar Arab I'm not sure what you said, but hopefully it wasn't offensive. Hopefully not, because the tweet after that they said was Rules X Annoying Porn Ha ha ha, but hopefully it wasn't offensive. Hopefully not, because the tweet after that they said was, Rules X annoying porn. Ha ha ha, I like it. Yep. So, uh.

Yep, there we go. Ira Madison III also said, Jamal and these doo-woppy usher jams, though. Hashtag, can I get a juicy J-verse? Hashtag empire. Hashtag empire. Yep. Sure.

So, uh. All right. There you go, Paul. That There you go That's weather That's weather What's going on in the world of sports? There's a lot going on in sports Because the playoffs have started in basketball and baseball Or not baseball

Hockey Baseball's going That's close enough Baseball's That's close enough The basketball playoffs are going All the teams are playing. And hockey playoffs have been good.

I've been watching the Blackhawks. They're up 3-1 in their series over Nashville. So, going pretty good with them. Oh, yeah. Big news in the NFL. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow.

Tebow. Signed with the Philadelphia Eagles. Oh, man. You know what's going to happen? They just signed him so they can trade him. I don't know. You know what's going to happen? They just signed him so they can trade him. I don't know. I think he's going to bring – they're going to use him. Draft day is coming.

They're going to trade him for someone. That's true. Draft day. They're going to be like, we'll give you a Tebow and a someone else. If you give us someone of a lesser value, we just – That sounds like a trade for the Oakland Raiders to make. Oh, man. Can you imagine Tebow dropping me and being like,

Praise Jesus in Oakland? They call it the Black Pit or something. They're like sacrificing cats in the crowd. May as well just play. Yeah, go Tebow! May as well play like in hell. They're all dressed up in their armor And their face paint And they're just like

Yeah Tebow Tebow Like fireballs shooting out of the audience That would be amazing That would be great And breaking today Greg Jennings Signed a two year deal

With the Miami Dolphins Greg Jennings signed a two-year deal with the Miami Dolphins. Craig Jennings. Miami Dolphins. Oh, that's cute. Yep. Well, that's good. I'm sure he'll fit in wherever.

Yeah. That's sports. Okay, what is our big news story of the day? I've got a few of them. Oh, Lord. So I'm going gonna let you pick out of these three Alright A truck driver pleads guilty To trading $50,000 worth of lunch meat

For crack Then we Okay what's the other one A woman who opened fire at McDonald's Over baconless burgers sentenced. Well, I mean, she has every right. You know, she's got some rights. You don't put bacon on a burger and you live in America, you're getting shot.

Yeah, that's just, you know. All right. I mean, that's where we already know that she went to prison because you don't shoot people. But, but, she had to. Yeah, she had. Like, it's one of those crimes you had to do. She had to do it. For her moral rights.

If you do the crime, you do the time. We all understand. But if you don't put bacon on someone's burger, then you're going to get shot. Travesty. I mean, that's just fact. That's fact. All right. Well, we don't need to talk about that story.

Then we have florida grandma in bikini arrested for dui but i mean i can just read through the florida one really quick it's not even a big story okay florida grandma in bikini was arrested for drunk driving after she crashed crashed into a parked car naples woman patricia Ebel, 49 years old, totaled her black BMW. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Grandma? Yeah, she's apparently a grandma at 49. At 49?

At 49 years old. That's right. Hold on. All right, all right. Let's do some mathematics here. It gets better. Average, average, average age of female puberty is what? When can she first have a child? Maybe like

14? Average age of female puberty. Oh wow, that's the first thing that popped up. What have I been looking at before? Puberty usually occurs in girls between 10 and 14. Average age, let's say 12.

Let's say average of 12. They're on a TV show. They're like 16 or pregnant. Let's say average of 12. Okay. So let's say she got pregnant when she was 12. Which means that her daughter could get pregnant at 12 when this woman was 24. She could be a grandmother. I guess that's true. Because if you did

average age of 16 and then her daughter was like alright, it checks out. Alright, 49, technically, you can be a grandma at 49. Her 10-year-old grandson was in the car with her, but was unharmed. Pause! Alright, now the math needs to come together.

The math wizard. Okay, so, 49 minus 10, 39. That's when her daughter had a kid. Right? So, her daughter had a kid. Right? So, her daughter let's say, alright, it checks out still. She could have had her daughter at 17. Alright, never mind. She could have

had her daughter at 17 or 18 then. Oh, now it all works out. Alright. I was thinking this is going to be freaky deaky. Really, it checks out. Really, if you're 49 and you're a grandma, it's not really that strange. Really, if anything, my parents are right to be like, we're 60!

Where's our kids, you asshole? Where's our grandkids? Where's our kids? Oh, I don't know, Mom. They're going crazy. Where's our kids? Mom? Where's our kids? Uh, it makes sense.

My parents are definitely not 49 anymore. And I feel like they are right now. They're making sense. They're making more sense than me hating on this woman for being a 49-year-old grandma. You go, 49-year-old grandma. You shake your badookadook. Yeah, shake that badookadook. Oh, I bet she, if she's in a bikini, I bet she's hot.

Well, I can link you the picture here. Let's see this picture. All right, here you are. Let me just do the old copy and paste-erino. There you go. She is not hot. Here's the thing. You know who she looks like?

One of her in the bikini. Oh. All right. No, she's hot. She's a far away hot. Far away hot. You know who she looks like, actually? She looks like this woman, but older.

This one right here is, she plays Barbara Gordon on Gotham. That's who she looks like, but just an older, more drugged out version of her. Oh yeah, she does. Yep. So you can see what she looked like when she was younger. That looks like it could be her daughter. Yeah, it probably is her daughter. You never know. Oh man. Oh my

God. We got it all figured out. Figured it all out in a matter of five minutes. Yeah, we figured it all out. Easy peasy. So let's figured it all out. Easy. Easy peasy. So let's get to the main course here. Truck driver pleads guilty to trading a bunch of lunch meat for crack. An Arkansas truck driver is pleaded guilty.

I love that you're just like, let's get to the real thing. Larry Ron Bowen was sentenced on Monday to a year of inpatient drug treatment and six years of probation, the Memphis Flyer reports. Bowen, 45, of Maybellvale, Arkansas, was hired last June to deliver $50,000 worth of lunch meat to locations in Alabama and Florida. But Bowen never delivered that meat. in Alabama and Florida. But Bowen never delivered that meat. When the truck went missing for three days, the company that hired Bowen used the truck's GPS to locate it at a service station.

Officers told the station they found Bowen near the truck eating a lunch meat sandwich. The refrigerated trailer... Yeah? The refrigerated trailer holding the lunch meat was gone, and the truck tires had been replaced with cheaper ones. Police said Bowen told... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Yeah. He switched out the tires, too? Yeah. He probably sold them off. Wait, wait, wait. So this guy didn't just get rid of the lunch meat. He was like, take the tires, too. I don't care.

You got other tires? Just throw them on this one. Cocaine's a hell of a drug. Bowen told them at the service stop that three days earlier, he had inadvertently traded the rig to two men who offered him crack cocaine. It is unclear how much crack was traded for the truck of lunch meat. I hope it was not lunch. I hope he just needed a fix and he was like,

I will literally trade you a truck full of meat. Who would trade for all that lunch meat, though? What crack dealer's like, man, we could get a whole truck of lunch meat. What are they going to do with it? Eat it? I just want to eat it for life. Or until it goes bad. But eventually it'll go bad, right?

But how much could they eat? Maybe they're like Robin Hood crack dealers. They're like, we're going to give it to the kids back in the hood. Get your lunch meat! It's like drive around like an ice cream truck dealing out lunch meat. I mean, I guess. Yeah. That's amazing.

I like this story. What else happened? That was it. That was the whole story. Oh, that's it? They found him eating a sandwich and he was like, eh, it's ready for crack. Yeah. Wait, but he kept some sandwich meat for himself?

Yeah, he ate some sandwich meat for himself. But I mean... I wonder if he didn't have enough money for the crack. Do you think he then traded some crack in order to get the bread to make the sandwich? Well, let's see. This store. Oh, the tires! Oh, the tires was for the bread!

Yeah, he had to trade the tires for the bread. It all makes sense now. It makes sense now. Oh, the tires. It was for the bread. Yeah, you had to trade the tires for the bread. It all makes sense now. It makes sense now. I get this guy. He was super high at the time. He was like, I need bread for my sandwich. The guy's like, well, give me those tires and I'll give you some bread. He's like, okay.

Done. That's it. That's beautiful. That's it. Done. Easy. Boom. Hip hop. Wow, that is That's beautiful. That's it. Done. Easy. Boom. Hip hop.

Wow, that is a stellar story. That is. That's a great story. It's a beautiful story. A beautiful story about love and romance. Yep. Finding yourself in the world. Really, finding yourself in the world just comes down to taking a truck of lunch meat.

How much lunch meat do you get? Yeah, if you got a truck full then you're on the right track. Then you're going to get some crack, I guess. I want to know where that lunch meat was going. If there's a company somewhere that's like Oh no!

That was the last of my lunch meat shipment. People are going to be losing jobs. Now they're down $50,000. $50,000. It's like, why am I losing my job? Well, the lunch meat truck was stolen. Oh, man.

Sorry, kids. No Christmas this year. What if the woman who got angry over the baconless burger took that lunch meat? Oh, shit. She couldn't get the bacon because the lunch meat was... the bacon was sold for crack. Oh, my God.

The cycle of crime continues. It just all links together in the end. Wow. Wow. It's like Biggie and Tupac. It's exactly like it. The cycle, the cycle continues. The cycle of violence.

Wow. He sold that lunch meat for crack. She shot a dude because she couldn't get that. Oh, that's right. Okay. I found a video. What? Right. Okay. I linked it at the end of the podcast. You might have remembered, like the co-optional one. You might have heard JP talk about

a guy talking about murdered babies for Satan. What? Alright. What are you talking? Look, we're all aware you're a crazy person. What are you talking about? So we're all aware you're a crazy person. What are you talking about? So, there's a televangelist on YouTube. If you look up televangelist on YouTube, right? No, don't look that up.

Televangelist. Don't give this guy more views. He's obviously a nut job. The fourth one down is Jonathan Bell, the screaming televangelist. And he legit just goes on a rant and he's like how about we stop support the satanist they showed up at my door the other day with a knife and he just yells the whole time he's like wait what yeah wait what like oh hello i'm a satanist i'm i'm here at your door instead of talking to your boyfriend or your girlfriend when you get home, how about you talk to Jesus Christ?

So he starts off like that. Wait, what? Don't have a healthy relationship. Talk to Jesus. So he keeps ranting. Then he starts talking about Satanists. He's like, the Satanists, they're taking the aborted babies that they abort and kill them, and then they melt them into candles.

What? Yeah, he says they melt the babies into candles. What? No. Does he have evidence of baby candles? No, but he yells about it. I'm telling you. Do people believe him?

I don't know. I want to know, where do you get baby candles from? That's what the Satanists use. For what? I don't know. I want to know, where do you get baby candles from? That's what the Satanists use. For what? I don't know. Candles. They're rituals where they melt babies. Like, oh, all right.

The cycle repeats. After he talks about all that, then he goes on a three-minute rant about the Kennedy assassination being set up by the mafia. Well, you know what? As far as I'm aware, it was baby candle makers. Yeah, it was the Satanist baby candle makers. Mm-hmm. That's what I heard. I'm just telling you.

Go watch them. All right. Well, that's it for this podcast. Thank you so much for watching, listening, whatever you're doing. And as always, to be continued.