Cox n' Crendor Show - Episode 103 - Drunk Bear Chasing

Episode Date: May 16, 2015

Jesse and Crendor return to Florida to visit with their favorite super hero. But it turns out, another state is vying for our attention!

Hello everybody, it's time for Cox and Crendor in the morning. In the morning. Broadcasting live, live, live, live, live. In 4 hour and 40 minutes. Recording. Wake your ass up, it's Cox and Crendor in the morning. Cox and Crendor in the morning! Up and up, up and up, Grendor in the morning! Hello, everybody. Welcome back to Cox and Grendor in the morning.

How's it going? It's like you were driving by. You were shouting as you were driving by, like, That's the kind of high high quality entertainment you can expect. Fake drive-bys. Fake drive-bys. That sounds not good. That doesn't sound good at all, actually.

That sounds horrible. It does sound bad. Wow. Wow. Nothing remotely fun happened this week. I can't even think of anything fun that happened. All right. Try to think of one thing.

Here's the thing. I think that I, I mean, no gum was put on my car, so that's okay. Right. I got a, my mom sent me a $50 Starbucks gift card for my birthday. Whoa. That's pretty great. Hey, when was your birthday? Oh, my birthday is the 18th, so it's not yet.

But my parents don't care. They're like, my mom asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I was like, I don't know. Like, give me a gift card somewhere. She's like, okay. So, easy. Done. They sent it a week before. It's like, we don't remember what it was.

They're like, whatever. That's fine. In the vicinity. My mom sent me an email that was like, here's what I want for my birthday. And it was links to things. And I was like, okay. That makes it easy. Amazon wishlist. We really don't. I think my family is so over

trying to figure out what each other wants. Because none of us know. I couldn't tell you what my father would want for his birthday or Christmas. I couldn't tell you what my mom wants for her birthday or Christmas. They don't know what I want. So we just like, here's what I want. Just give me this. And we're good.

I think we lack the fundamental bonds of a normal family that's like, well, we all know what each other's desires are. We don't know any of that. We're like, I don't know. Who cares? Here's what I want. Get it for me. I'll be happy. Done. Some people think gift cards are

like, it's like not a real gift, but it's like a gift card. It's like the best gift because it's like you're giving money, but you know that person enough that you know where they go all the time. So you're like, here's the thing for a place you go all the time. And you're like, sweet. I'm going to use it there. I'm totally okay with that.

That's it's a present every day. It's 50 bucks in Starbucks. That's like two weeks worth of coffee. Yeah, that's a solid half like two weeks worth of coffee. Yeah, that's a solid half a month's worth of coffee. Yeah, it's a half a month's worth of lattes, man. I'm feeling good. I'm good. I'm good. Thank you, Mom.

Yeah, no, I had something I was going to tell you earlier this week, and I can't remember what it was, and I'm pretty sure it had to do with traffic in L.A. And how I've decided that it is, there is no, I was thinking there'd be right times, right? Right times to drive.

When my plan with this new office was that I would leave during certain times of the day, no traffic, come back certain times of the day, no traffic. Here's the thing. I don't know when those times are because at 10 AM there is traffic. At 3 PM there is traffic. At 7 PM there at 10 a.m. there is traffic. At 3 p.m. there is traffic. At 7 p.m. there is traffic. At 9 a.m. there is traffic. I can't – I'm looking for that right moment where everyone's just gotten to work and everyone's just about to go home but they're not leaving yet.

Like that weird happy moment. It doesn't exist here. It doesn't exist here. There is no time of the day where people aren't in their cars. You know what makes it even worse? They're all like young kids. It's like 1130 and they're young kids. I'm like, what are you doing out of school?

Yeah. What are you doing out of school? Shouldn't you be in class? It's not summer yet. Those kids might be like 28 years old. Growth hormones. I don't know about that. They look young. Plastic surgery. Kids getting plastic surgery? Look, if you're a kid and you got plastic surgery,

you have problems. You have problems. If you're under 18 and you have plastic surgery, look, I know several 18-year-olds who have had augmentation, shall we say. But, congratulations. That's wonderful for both you and me. But I think that if you're

under 18 and you're changing anything about yourself you're an insane person yeah you're a loony bin but i will like done like growing into a person yet yeah and so they these kids are young they have not had anything done to them they just look very young and and here's the thing they're all like young white kids. What the hell are you doing? What are you doing? Yeah, what are you doing? What are you doing?

Where are your parents? They're probably all douchey rich people from Beverly Hills. I don't have to go to my class today because I have homeroom for eight periods. And I have one class and it's like drama class. And that's the end of the day. So from like 9 a.m. to 3, I just go down to the beach, which is, oh, there's traffic ever. Crandor, I just want to get a bulldozer. I want to rent a bulldozer and drive people off the road.

Roll through with a bulldozer. It's the worst. I've never experienced anything like it in my life. Never. What about 2.30pm and like 8pm? Well, I think it doesn't, the reason why it doesn't matter is because the highway route between my home and the office

is, it's short, but it's literally, this is what it is. You get on it and you drive towards the airport. That's problem number one. Then, the minute you pass the airport there's an interchange with another extremely busy highway. That's problem number two.

And then, right before the exit, there is two streets that merge on to the highway that are the two huge streets. So, it's like one stop and then another stop, another stop. And it's like no one knows how to drive. So, they all cram into this one. It's the worst. It's the worst. I don't know. Yeah. In that case, you're screwed.

Oh, I'm totally screwed. I didn't think this through. I thought, well, no one's going to be there at like 1035 on a Wednesday. Nope. That is apparently prime getting out of school time for young kids. Prime school time. So stupid. Finish getting out of school.

Yeah. So, oh, I discovered that I don't like people who try to sound important while on their Bluetooth. I mean, I've always hated people who talk on their Bluetooth very loudly, but it's another level where a guy in line at the grocery store was in a business suit talking on his little Bluetooth thingy about some deal. And he was like, if they want to play hardball, we'll play hardball. I'll tell them a thing or two about their finances. And he's like yelling at this guy.

And you can hear the guy on the other line. He's also very loud. He's like, that's true. He's probably in another part of the grocery store. There's a separate checkout line. Yeah, they're just both yelling at each other. And they're talking about how they're going to screw some dude in a business deal. It's like, I can't wait until they see the contracts.

They're not going to notice that 15% we took off the top. Like, they're literally talking about how they're scamming a guy. And they're like, yeah, good work. I'm sure his name was Chaz. Good work, Chaz Chasington. That's right. Chaz and, like, Roldingo. Roldingo.

Good work, Roldingo. And they're sitting there just talking about how much they're just screwing this guy And they're like, yeah, we're famous and we're awesome And I want to imagine that they work at like 7-Eleven Yeah They're just like, man, we're going to get him on Fritos prices Like, I don't Those slushies are going to get jacked up by the nickel i just don't i don't want

to imagine these people exist i want to imagine they're all fake but the sad thing is i know he's probably like some attorney somewhere yeah who's just saw that in like the last three a year ago and they're just like they're all guy walking down the hallway in a business suit like the twitch roi numbers are off the chain just you know the trifecta oh my god the guy was just like oh the roi numbers are just off the chain that's just return on interest it's just it's out of this world with these kids and their lives stramming we gotta get in on that we gotta get in on that how We gotta get in on that. How can we make a profit on that? Untapped oil. Untapped liquid gold. Not talking about the Velveeta cheese either.

Oh, man. It angers me that those people exist. The worst part is I know a few of those people who, when I hang out with them, they don't act like that. But I know that when I'm not around, that's who they are. Yeah. Like, when they go to work, they're like, let me put on my suit and tie and, like, I like how I'm making fun of, yeah, we look nice when you go to work, loser. Put on their clothes. Oh, they put on clothes, boxes, and a t-shirt for me, sucker. And they go there, and they're like, I'm important to you today.

I'm important. I have a family that loves me and a job that pays well. I'm a. I have a family that loves me and a job that pays well. I'm a giant asshole. Yeah, take that, businessman. Yeah, douchebags. Yeah, you douchebags. Anything happen to you this week? What happened to you? Good question. Let's see.

Since the last podcast, what has happened to you? Nothing. Does nothing ever happened to you? Nothing. Does nothing ever happen to you? What do you do? Come on. Something had to happen. No, nothing ever happens to you. You are literally just the most boring human being that ever lived. Yeah, but it's fun.

I disagree. I fundamentally disagree. Oh, I saw The Avengers. Oh, I liked The Avengers. Oh, I liked The Avengers. I thought it was good. I did, too. It was like two and a half hours. It was great.

It was a great two and a half hours, yeah. Yeah. The next movie I want to go see is Ex Machina. I want to see that so bad. Oh, yeah. Or what's that one? Mad Max? Oh, Mad Max comes out tomorrow night.

Oh, I'm so excited. Actually, tonight? I don't know what night it comes out. Whatever night it out tomorrow night. I'm so excited. Actually, tonight? I don't know what night it comes out. Whatever night it's coming out. I'm so excited. I'm so excited for this movie. I've never even seen the first Mad Max. The first three, you mean. You haven't seen the first three Mad Max movies? No. Oh my god. Alright.

Let's see if I can sum them up to you. Mad Max 1. He is a cop out in the middle of the Australian outback kind of wasteland area. I'm not sure if it is Australia, but it's the post-apocalyptic waste, right? All right. And the world is spinning down the drain. It's all messed up.

And Max is like an outlands cop. And he and his partner are these two badasses. And then his partner gets killed. And then his partner gets killed and then his family gets killed and Max goes nuts. Hence Mad Max. And so he becomes part of the madness of the post-apocalypse, right?

So instead of trying to be like the defender, he just becomes one of them in a crazy person. Mad Max 2, he is still nuts but he uh i believe there's an oil convoy and everyone needs gas and he needs gas and so he's in it for like trying to help there's a giant man and a little dude with a boomerang and it's crazy a dude gets his fingers cut off of the boomerang it's whoa it's insane it's an insane movie and then the third one is

beyond thunderdome which is literally just tina turner running a thunderdome where fights happen you spin a wheel you make a deal there's a guy named master blaster who's a little dude on top of a big dude and then it's it's not nearly as good as the first two but it's very entertaining and then there's like four tternals songs with it. Oh. That's pretty much it. But the general gist, you don't really need to know the plots, honestly. The general gist is that it's the post-apocalypse, stuff is nuts. Like, mankind forgot how to be men, right?

Yeah. Like, people are insane. Like, there's crazy cults and zealots and fuel and water are the most important resources, so people just murder each other for them and don't even care. It's insane. It's like an insane world. And so just imagine the most insane world possible. 1980. And then imagine in the new one

Bad Max and then Charlize Theron is in it as well and she's like a badass too. Apparently she might be the main character. Whoa. Yeah. That's got really good reviews so far from the media. It was like a 98 on Rotten Tomatoes the other day. I was like, oh. They say it might be one of the best action movies ever,

so I'm in. I'm in. I'm totally 100%. But apparently it's nuts. Like the stuff they show in the trailer is 1 18th as crazy as it gets. Oh, shit. All right. We need to have a movie episode on it.

It's supposed to be bonkers. Like, the kind of movie where you walk away like, what the hell did I just watch? I'm so excited for that. I want to see that so badly. Is it supposed to be a continuation of it? Or, like, a new... It is.

Like, apparently what some of the reviewers said is that you should probably watch the first and the second one. It's really hard to explain the Mad Max movies without watching them because there's not a lot of dialogue, but a lot of action. Yeah. And I assume this will be the same because it's the same director. Oh, really? So it's like a lot of, yeah. Oh, yeah.

So a lot of things will happen in it, but there won't be a lot of, like, you'll get a lot of story from the action, not the actual, like, people talking about what's going on. That's really cool, because normally, like, the first movie, I think it was, like, it says 1979. Yeah, it's an old movie. So, like, to get the same director, like, so far into the future. Apparently, he's been, like, contemplating and planning this movie for 15 years or something nuts like that. Oh, whoa.

Like, and this, like, the culmination of his work, like, this is one of those things you just have to see in a theater. Like, it's a moment you have to go to a theater and watch this and be like, that was the coolest. Because when everyone, even people who don't like action movies, are all pretty much in agreement that it's like the best spectacle they've ever seen. I'm hyped. He directed Babe Pig in the City. Mad Max, Mad Max 2 Road Warrior, Mad Max Beyond the Thunderdome, This, or wait, The Year My

Voice Broke, Dead Calm, Flirting, Lorenzo's Oil, Silver Strand, Babe, Really? George Miller directed Babe, Pig in the City. He went

from Mad Max to Babe. Pig in the City. Yeah, and Babe, Pig in the City. He went from Mad Max to Babe. That is the most drastic difference in any movie I've ever seen. And then he directed Happy Feet and Happy Feet 2. Shut up! Yep. That's amazing. That's all you need to know. And then Mad Max Fury Road.

He's like, I've had my fill of these kids' kids movies it's time to kill people i mean he's australian right so i imagine that's his let's kill people that's our australian yep something something dingo i am so i'm very excited, I'm really hyped for this movie. This is, I'm all over this. I'm hyped up. I'm excited now, too. Yeah, so it'll be cool. You know what we need to talk about before we get to our normal news stuff? What?

Everyone and their brother sent me this article. Okay. Florida man turns himself in for murdering imaginary friend. Okay. Hold on. Uh-huh. Florida man murders imaginary friend. I got this.

Here we go. Jacksonville, Florida. Of course, Jacksonville. Yes. Jeff Gaylord, 37, entered the Jacksonville Sheriff's Office earlier today and turned himself in for killing his imaginary friend, Mr. Happy. Mr. Happy. Gaylord told officers that he had stabbed Mr. Happy repeatedly with a kitchen knife, cut up the body with a hatchet, and buried the victim in his backyard.

A remorseful Gaylord told officers he wanted the death penalty for his crime, preferably right now. Gay lord said he killed his imaginary friend of seven years for multiple reasons, one being messy. His friend was a mess all the time with his toys and dolls, gay lord told police. He left his empty vodka bottles over the kitchen Never picked up his empty cocaine baggies And left the toilet seat down when he peed He messed up my apartment to the point where I just couldn't get it clean Before Hap started doing drugs I like how they abbreviate

Before Hap started doing drugs Hap, Mr. Happy, Hap for short Before Hap started doing drugs and acting weird He is my best friend forever We go dancing, play on the children's park equipment. We're both hug fans. We were both huge fans of Doom Metal.

Listened to it for hours with the lights turned off. Okay. Can you imagine? I was about to say. Walking by the park and just seeing him dancing like, yeah, keep going, Mr. Happy.

Just like going down slides. I would honestly, if he was in a park, I would think he was talking about his penis. Yeah. Like I would be like, that man is so drunk he's talking to his wiener. Kids, let's go. There's a drunk wiener talking man. I'm not cool with this. Gaylord said he and Mr. Happy had grown very unhappy in their relationship And hadn't had a real conversation in the last year

The breaking point came when Mr. Happy allegedly crashed Mr. Gaylord's knees on Ultima After the friends had been out celebrating Mr. Happy's birthday at Hooters Of course Which resulted in Gaylord being arrested instead of Mr. Happy. That drunk driving incident I got unfairly blamed for and just how messy

he had become put me over the edge and I murdered him. Gaylord told the police it was an overreaction. I should have listened to my neighbor lady who got us into counseling but no. I did the unthinkable and killed my best friend I'm a terrible, terrible person

and I need to be punished I like how there was a neighbor who I'm gonna assume was made up I'm gonna assume she was made up I like how there was a neighbor and she was just like yeah, no, you're crazy, get help both of you she just gave up, she was like, yeah, both of you need help.

You both need help. Police said Gaylord was extremely intoxicated and threatened to kill police after they told them they could not give him the death penalty for his crime. Police took Mr. Gaylord into custody and obtained a search warrant for his house where they found

drug paraphernalia and a machine gun. Of course. Gaylord was booked on multiple charges. Bail has not been set. search warrant for his house where they found drug paraphernalia and a machine gun of course gayler was booked on multiple charges bail has not been set yep yep i mean what if they would have went to his house and found like nothing what if they went to his house and found a body in the backyard mr happy it was mr mr Happy was actually a real person. And he thought he was a man. It was like the reverse M. Night Shyamalan-ing of it.

Like, everyone's like, you and your crazy imaginary friend. And then when they dug him up at the end, there was a guy named Mr. Happy. They found the wallet. It's like a goblin or something. Yeah, his name was like, like, Garnold Happy. He was a little tiny goblin creature. People were like, oh, my god, he was telling the truth. Oh my god, that would be a great movie for us to make.

Oh no! You know what would make it even better? What? Mr. Happy, Adolf Hitler. Oh shit. When they found the body, it was Adolf Hitler. He'd been alive all along. Yeah, and the guy killed Hitler, and they're like, what do we do?

What do we do now? This guy's an American war hero. This guy's a hero. He gets a purple heart or something. I don't know. I give you the Medal of Honor. And a Medal of Honor. He gets a Call of Duty game named after him.

You got to take out Mr. Happy. That's an amazing twist. The entire time no one believes him. They're like, oh no, you and Mr. Happy, sure. And then they find the body. It's Adolf Hitler. Oh my god, that would blow minds. That would blow minds.

Damn. Great story. I agree. That was a fantastic story. All right. Well Well let's go To chapter number seven Of the Sky of the Crandor Crandor

How's that traffic out there? Hey How's it going? I'm just flying around Right now Right now we're flying Over LA And there's a lot

Of traffic And it's just I've been looking All throughout the day And it's just Non-stop Everywhere we look It's insane This is rough Either way I've been looking all throughout the day and it's just non-stop everywhere we look.

It's insane. This is rough. Either way, it appears that Ian Ramsey is in traffic and he's yelling out of his car. It appears he's yelling at an ice cream truck. And the ice cream truck has no driver in it, which is kind of strange. Oh, it's Mr. Happy! And he's down on the beach, and he just gave up driving in traffic,

and he's just partying with Cody West down there. Cody, you may want to get checked at the doctor. Thank you. Cody West, huge fan of Hitler. Huge Hitler fan. Alright, Grendel, what's going on in the weather desk? Weather desk?

Uh, man, I don't know. Woppy? There we go. Wow, I'm deactivated. Let's try type something into them. 4-8-8-7-2. Perry, Michigan, 42 degrees Fahrenheit, 68 degrees. Today, partly cloudy skies, 0% chance precipitation.

Southeast wind, 7 miles per hour. Tonight, 51 degrees. Rain, late, 80%. Stop sipping your wine, Woppy. All right, I turned him off. Okay, good. He's still got some bugs. I love that fan art we got.

Woppy's just sipping wine. What? I didn't see that. It was tweeted at us. Picture of Woppy the weather bot sipping wine. I didn't see that. How long ago was it? Early this morning.

It was great. Oh, my God. I got to find it. You missed out. All right Early this morning. It was great. Oh my god, I gotta find it. You missed out. Alright, Grendel, what's going on with the sports desk? Hold on, I found it! Damn it. Yeah, swappy. Beautiful. Alright, uh,

where are we at? The sports desk! Oh. Sports! Alright, what's happening in the world of sports? We need to talk about the Patriots. Oh my Sports. All right. What's happening in the world of sports? We need to talk about the Patriots. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. The Patriots.

Oh, my God. We need to talk about the Patriots. All right. Holy moly. What happened with the Patriots? You may not know if you're not a sports ball fan. They're cheaters and they got caught and they paid for it. In the AFC Championship game,

is the most well-known game for this incident, the New England Patriots started deflating the footballs. And you might ask, why would you deflate a football? Well, they deflate it, like, not a lot. Like, you wouldn't notice it, but it was enough to where they could easily catch the ball. So, like, it's obviously easier to catch the ball when it's like a little like softer than it is when it's like a very hard football so

they were caught doing that because one of the colts players intercepted it and he was like man this ball feels different and so they like he took it to the the referee or the nfl people and they inspected it and they were like yeah it's had some uh air deflated out of it and they started questioning questioning the patriots and they were like, yeah, it's had some air deflated out of it. And they started questioning the Patriots and they were like, we don't know nothing. But then they looked into it and found out they did know some things. Some dude went into the bathroom with like a sack of balls and like, like there's a whole thing. And apparently Tom Brady knew about it and was like, I don't know anything about it.

And so basically they came down hard on the team and Tom Brady's out for like four games. Four games. And they got charged like a million dollars. And they got charged a first round draft pick next year in the draft. And like a third round draft pick or something. Yeah, they got two draft picks taken. Like, oh man. Oh man.

That's cray. I'm so happy that happened. Granted, they still won the Super Bowl and everyone's like. Yeah, well, you know what? It's the second best thing. It's the best thing we can hope for because I hate'm so happy that happened. Granted, they still won the Super Bowl and everyone's like... Yeah, well, you know what? It's the second best thing. It's the best thing we can hope for because I hate them so much. Yeah. So much hate.

Yeah. So, it's okay. You know what? As long as they and their fans get to suffer, I'm okay. That's what it's all about. Yeah. It's making people you don't know suffer. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Also, in the NHL, it's down to the final four teams it's gonna be the rangers the new york rangers taking on the tampa bay lightning which i don't care about and the anaheim ducks and the chicago blackhawks let's be clear let's be clear krendor is gonna want the blackhawks to win but the ducks they fly together crendor ducks always fly together well that and like quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack it's from the movie the mighty ducks which is ironically what the team is based off of it is yeah they're like a they're literally the team was created after the movies were successful. Yeah.

Which is why it's in Anaheim, because that's where Disneyland is. That is amazing. That's one of my favorite nonsense things ever. But the Blackhawks are pretty good. We've won the Stanley Cup last two out of the five years. So if they win it this year, that's three out of six years. That's a 50% win rate in six years. I like it. Krendor standards are very low.

Yeah. Alright, well, yeah, what else is there? Is there anything good happening? And then in the NBA, there's more playoff action. A lot of playoff action. Oh my goodness. There's the Bulls just lost to Cleveland. They're down 3-2 in their series. I hate Cleveland because they have LeBron.

Atlanta's up 3-2 over the Washington Wizards in that exciting series of teams nobody cares about. Then there's the Los Angeles Clippers. They're beating the Rockets up 3-2. And then the Grizzlies and the Golden State Warriors are tied at 2-2. Four people care about basketball. Yeah.

All right. Well, that's it. That's it. No care about basketball. Yeah. All right. Well, that's it. That's it. No more. There are no other major sports. A cover of Madden 16. What? Uh-oh.

What's the cover of Madden? Who's about to get cursed? The New York Giants' Odell Beckham Jr. He is going to die this season. Something bad is happening. Something bad is going to happen to him. this season. Something bad's happening.

Something bad's gonna happen to him. If you don't know what that means, you need to look up the curse. Look up the Madden curse. That poor man. That poor man. He's gonna break a leg. He's gonna lose a leg, that guy. For those who don't know, the Madden curse is anybody

who's been on the Madden, like the cover of Madden, has had pretty much a terrible, terrible year. Oh, just usually they end up getting hurt. Yeah. They usually end up getting hurt and taken out for the season. Like, let's see. They have like every year, 99, 2000, 01, 02, 03, 04, 05, 06, 07, 08, 09, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, and 15. All have had bad things happen to them like just look up madden

curse and look at all of it it's insane it's insane it's pretty insane all right cut door big news story of the day big news story that's a kind of a song i made up for it uh-huh a big new story of it a big new story of it getting A big new story of it. Getting drunk and chasing bears is strongly not advised, please warn. Police in northwestern Massachusetts offered an important reminder Monday night. Getting drunk and chasing bears through the woods with a dull hatchet is strongly not advised. Yes, that really did happen tonight. The North Adams Police Department posted on Facebook.

We certainly don't need... Wait, they went to Facebook? Like, anyone's going to go there to get their information? Like, dear Facebook people, if you ever leave the house, don't attack bears. I mean, there are a lot of, like, non-internet and computer-savvy people on Facebook. I guess that's true. That are just like, Julia, that's a very nice graduation picture.

I remember when you were seven years old and you came to my house for dinner and you said you wanted to be an astronaut. You know what I learned about Facebook? What? 90% of the videos people post are watched for less than, like, two seconds. Yeah. Because what people do is they see the video, click a little bit, and it's usually like, it's my kid's recital. It's like, I love you.

And they're like, all right. Wow, that was a lovely video. Oh, my God, your child's so talented. Like that kind of stuff. Yeah. I feel like we should start posting videos that start out that way, but then it's just like hardcore porn. Yeah.

Then people are like, oh, my God, your child's so wonderful. And it's just like, yeah, people are like oh my god your child's so wonderful and it's just like yeah i'm doing it really love the five minutes 28 seconds part yeah no so good you really like that part huh oh yeah it's my favorite your child's great yeah like uncle ralph who's like yeah I love that shit It's just like An underball shot Oh yes Porn's sad sad Underball shot Who likes that shot nobody that's who

Facebook is like a bunch of people That like you used to go to high school with That are all like I have a family now And I'm pregnant Or I married this guy And they're all like wow I'm working really hard, and I'm pregnant. Oh, my God. I can't. And then they're all like, wow, I'm working really hard going to school trying to raise this family, but I can do it because we can do it. And everyone's like, yeah, you go.

You do that thing. I can't. I can't. I can't. Every time I see people that I used to go to high school with, they're always married with, like, two kids now. I'm like, nope. You, no.

No. with are always married with like two kids now i'm like nope you know no after i did that uh nintendo commercial i got a bunch of messages from like old school mates they were like hey what's going on oh my god and i was like i'm gonna see what's up with you and i looked and was like nope nope still working in our uh hometown here and i've started my managerial position at the local grocery store. It's like, oh, no. Until I moved up in my life. Like, oh, I remember when, like, you were... I now manage the high school kids. You were, like, the king of the high school. Yeah.

Like, I was the king of the high school. It's like, oh. It's those people that are like, don't you miss the good old high school days, man? It's like, no. Like, that's where you peaked. That's the one hope for all you nerds listening yeah you'll move on to something wonderful and there they'll have peaked in

high school yep and you'll be amazing and you'll laugh and laugh at their misfortune why because it's bitter and mean and you deserve it you deserve to be bitter and mean yeah you'll be the douchey guy with a bluetooth and they'll be they'll be chasing they'll be the ones you're screwing out of 15 so they kind of get drunk and chase bears in the woods anyway back to our story we went full circle full circle all right we certainly don't need anyone going all Davy Crockett, chasing through the woods drunk with a dull hatchet. It's just a bad idea and not going to end well. It will, however, certainly end you up in jail, which it did. What?

The police department wrote that the hatchet man was taken into protective custody due to his inebriation. Black bears are becoming more common in Massachusetts, according to the State Office of Energy and Environmental Affairs, and they're moving east. Experts believe there are about 4,500 bears in the state. The state of Massachusetts offers some more important tips. If a bear is sighted in town, leave the animal alone. In most situations, if left alone, the bear will return to the forest on its own. Keep dogs under control.

Stay away from the bear and advise others to do the same. Often, a bear will climb a tree to avoid people. A gathering of people not only stresses the animal, but it adds a risk of having a bear chased into traffic or into a group of bystanders. Update. North Adams Police Sergeant. Update. Sorry, Woppy, I'm sorry, what? Yeah, I tweaked him a bit so he knows about updates.

North Adams Police Sergeant James Burdick told MassLive that the bear was roaming a residential area near a school and the drunk man was trying to protect school children. Oh, okay. Well, there you go. Yeah. He had a few too many to drink.

He was like, I'm gonna protect these kids from you, bear. Which means he was day drinking. When the bear came out, he thought to protect the children. I'm going to get you, bear. Obviously, he got to carry a dull hatchet around the school as well. I'm Paul Bunions. I'm going to get you, pal. Davey Crockett here.

I'm gonna get you, pal. I'm gonna get you, pal. And that's what happened. Great. All right. That's it for this episode. Thank you guys so much for watching, listening, wherever you are, whatever you're doing. And as always, to be continued.